The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 2, Episode 24

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Marge Kotlisky as Mrs. DeWynter • Mother Love as Agnes • Marius Mazmanian as Jacques • Paige Pengra as Tiffany • Viva Vinson as Blayne

Will and Carlton lose their shirts investing on a tip - then take jobs as strippers to recoup their losses and get Vivian's bracelet out of hock.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Will, give me all your money.

2. I'm sorry, Carlton. I don't feel like playing 7-Eleven.

3. This isn't a game.

4. I know you have 50 bucks, and I need it.

5. Forget it, man.

6. With 50 bucks, I can take 25 women out to dinner.

7. Listen carefully, will...

8. And I know you can hear me with ears that big.

9. Bif's dad is a bankruptcy lawyer.

10. According to him, westworld airlines is about to fall prey

11. to a corporate raider.

12. Word? I don't believe that.

13. A corporate raider?

14. What the hell are you talking about?

15. It's called inside information.

16. And it's quite illegal.

17. So's that French nanny you're dating.

18. 'Nuff said.

19. The point is, I've only got 50 bucks.

20. I need 100 to buy the stock.

21. Let me think about it a little while.

22. No.

23. Will...

24. Take my hand, come out of the ghetto...

25. And take a stroll down wall street.

26. You see, we buy stock in westworld airlines today

27. for $2.00 a share,

28. and by Friday it's worth $8.00.

29. Now when you take a girl out to dinner,

30. they can get something to eat, too.

31. So then they'll owe me something.

32. I'm with you!

33. Uh, here's my 20.

34. I thought you said it was illegal.

35. It is.

36. God, how I love life on the edge!

37. Hi, guys.

38. Hey, aunt viv.

39. Would you drop my bracelet at the jewelers?

40. The clasp broke.

41. Whoa! Those almost look like real diamonds.

42. They are, so be careful.

43. oh, hello, there, uh...

44. "Agnes."

45. My, that's a lovely tattoo.

46. You know,

47. the knife dripping blood really sets off your eyes.

48. I did it myself. So, what you got?

49. We have this lovely, expensive bracelet.

50. $200.

51. For an ordinary bracelet,

52. but not o.K. For one

53. that formerly belonged to Catherine the great.

54. The one-armed chick

55. that works the corner of Hollywood and vine?

56. She a class act.

57. O.K. $300.

58. But did we mention that it ain't stolen?

59. O.K., $400, but that's only

60. 'cause I think your short friend here is kind of cute.

61. Hey, small stuff,

62. you want to come back here

63. and check out the rest of my merchandise?

64. This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey.

65. You've outdone yourself.

66. You're too kind, sir.

67. Moron!

68. Fathead!

69. Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?

70. I'm terribly sorry, madam,

71. but it is the bottom of the ninth,

72. the bases are loaded.

73. However, I will maintain my professionalism.

74. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!

75. Peas?

76. Mom, have I told you

77. that every year you grow even more youthful?

78. You're going to be well into your 40s

79. before you need plastic surgery.

80. No. You cannot have the diamond league over for lunch.

81. Daddy, you promised you'd reason with her.

82. Why do you want to join that organization anyway?

83. Baby, it was different when I joined.

84. Today all those women care about are cars, men, and money.

85. What's wrong with that, sweetheart?

86. Men with money can drive her away in their cars.

87. Come on. It's just a little lunch.

88. You never got me a pony.

89. Geoffrey, start buffing the silver.

90. What the hell's your problem?

91. You got bricks in your butt, you clown?

92. Right away, madam.

93. Today's big story is the rumor of westworld air's imminent takeover,

94. which has caused its shares to skyrocket.

95. Your milk, master Carlton.

96. Thank you, Geoffrey.

97. How's our stock doing?

98. Up 300%.

99. Yay!

100. And might I add—

101. hah!

102. Know what I'm gonna do with my share of the money?

103. I'm gonna go get my very own team.

104. It's between the raiderettes

105. and the laker girls.

106. You can't buy love, will.

107. What you talking about? I don't want love.

108. I want them to follow me around and say,

109. here's a wall street update.

110. The s.E.C. Has suspended trading on westworld air

111. pending an announcement.

112. Come on, Carlton. Translate.

113. How can I put this in terms he'll understand?

114. Mo' money. Mo' money. Mo' money.

115. Man, I'm going to get me the best girlfriend

116. money can buy.

117. Come on. You got to think investment.

118. I'm going to get me a burger king,

119. then I'll hire some topless counter girls,

120. then I'm going to really have it my way.

121. This just in—

122. westworld airlines has just filed for a chapter 11.

123. Whoo! Hoo hoo hoo!

124. Yeah!

125. Whoo! Hoo hoo hoo!

126. Aah!

127. Ha ha ha!

128. Carlton?

129. Yes, will?

130. That ain't a good thing, is it?

131. No, will.

132. We're in trouble, ain't we?

133. Yes, will.

134. We just lost everything.

135. Oh, my God!

136. How are we going to get mom's bracelet back?

137. Shh! Come on. Don't panic.

138. Too late.

139. Dad knows.

140. No Harvard. Dead end.

141. Paper or plastic?

142. Come on. Just relax.

143. Look, we'll just go get well-paying jobs,

144. uh, uh, very well-paying jobs.

145. 24, 25.

146. Gosh, who'd have thought they'd pay you so little

147. for selling your blood?

148. How do you feel, will?

149. I'm fine.

150. Oh, buck up.

151. We only have to give blood 50 more times

152. to get mom's bracelet back.

153. There's got to be an easier way, man.

154. If I could just get them classifieds.

155. Let me—

156. you're not going to hit me with this, are you?

157. I'd like to, but I see three of you.

158. I don't know which one to hit.

159. Face it, will. You're not gonna find a job in there.

160. What are you qualified to do

161. besides flirt with women

162. and dance to loud primitive music?

163. "Male strippers wanted."

164. Bingo.

165. Will, tell me you're joking.

166. Even you with your depraved working-class morality

167. wouldn't stoop so low.

168. Earn up to $500 a night.

169. Shake that groove thing.

170. Did you get the stripper job or not?

171. Does David Duke shop white sales?

172. They said I was a natural.

173. They're going to call me with my first gig.

174. Hold up, will.

175. Granted, we're desperate for money,

176. but maybe you should stop and think

177. of what kind of life you'll be leading.

178. Yeah. You're right, c.

179. Dancing around in some cheap club

180. while women put dollars down my underpants.

181. I love this country.

182. Ah, my financial advisors have arrived.

183. Moron! Fathead!

184. I didn't know the Dodgers were playing.

185. They're not, thieving wankers.

186. I think I should ask for my money back.

187. I've been in this weight-loss program six months,

188. and look, I'm shamu.

189. Philip, I thought you had an important business lunch.

190. Nothing is more important

191. than our little bachelorette.

192. Mrs. De wynter, so nice to see you again.

193. Thank you.

194. What do you think of our little hilary?

195. She's going to make some man

196. a wonderful wife one day...

197. Soon... I hope.

198. I think I speak for all of us leaguers when I say,

199. "isn't she lovely?"

200. Oh, yes.

201. Vivian, I do hope you'll bring hilary

202. to our new members dinner.

203. I think I can speak for Vivian when I say, "she'll be there."

204. In her brand new BMW.

205. See you there.

206. Ashley, sweetie, we're going to the diamond league dinner

207. at the gingham turtle restaurant.

208. Here's the address and phone number for any emergencies.

209. Mom, I'm 13 years old.

210. I can take care of myself.

211. That's what drew Barrymore said.

212. Banks residence.

213. No. Master Williams is not home, thank God.

214. May I take a message?

215. Yes.

216. Yes.

217. Yes. Yes.

218. I'll see that he gets it.

219. Bye.

220. Ah, master will.

221. Hey, g.

222. The boogie buns agency called.

223. It appears you have a job this evening.

224. My first gig! Where is it?

225. The address is on the counter.

226. Oh! And, uh... They also requested

227. that you bring a spare g-string.

228. There's an explanation for that, g.

229. Carlton, I got a gig!

230. We'll get aunt viv's bracelet out of hock.

231. She'll never know the difference.

232. You mean we're saved?

233. You got it.

234. I picked my costume up today.

235. See, I figure I'll start out in this...

236. And I figure, I'll end up in this.

237. I got to iron this stuff.

238. Get the address for me. It's over on the counter.

239. "Gingham turtle restaurant."

240. Sounds pretty sleazy.

241. This ain't exactly what I expected.

242. Whoa.

243. Check out the low-life.

244. Yes?

245. Yeah, man. I'm here for the gig.

246. You?

247. You are here to perform for the ladies?

248. That's right.

249. Of course you are.

250. I'm serious. Where are the other guys?

251. I gotta get changed.

252. Other guys?

253. Yeah. When I auditioned,

254. they said I'd be second on the bill,

255. between king thong and ram-bro.

256. I'm sorry, monsieur.

257. There's no one on the bill but you.

258. Ladies, I'm told the entertainment has arrived.

259. It's my pleasure to introduce

260. the international star sir Graham Higgins,

261. doing a medley of operatic favorites.

262. Mom, which opera is this?

263. Will!

264. Shake something, damn it!

265. Will, you get back out here.

266. Yeah!

267. Take it off!

268. Take it all off!

269. Hey, baby!

270. Ahh!

271. Take it off!

272. Put it on!

273. Carlton banks,

274. you put your clothes on this minute!

275. Mommy!

276. No dates, no charge cards,

277. no television, no movies, no phone calls,

278. no food!

279. Sir, permission to beg, sir.

280. What?

281. I'm deeply, deeply sorry

282. about the unfortunate stripping incident.

283. I just want to say it's all his fault.

284. What?

285. Uh...

286. Look... Come on, Uncle Phil.

287. I'm sure you did something like this

288. when you were a kid.

289. Maybe not.

290. I think you two owe hilary an apology.

291. Your behavior tonight cost her an invitation

292. to join the diamond league

293. and meet some nice young men,

294. and you know how much that meant to me.

295. I mean her.

296. It's o.K., daddy.

297. The more time I spent with those women,

298. the more I realized they're not my kind of people.

299. I don't want anything to do with them.

300. Oh, honey, I am so proud of you.

301. Mrs. De wynter.

302. Hilary, darling, why did you run off like that?

303. I wanted to invite you

304. to join the diamond league.

305. Oh, I'd love to!

306. Switching entertainment like that.

307. What an outrageous idea!

308. Say, my mother's turning 90.

309. Are they available for birthday parties?

310. I guess I'll just—

311. sit!

312. I'm not through with you two yet.

313. I want to know what excuse you have

314. for pulling such a stupid stunt!

315. We needed the money.

316. For what?

317. And I want the truth.

318. All right. It's like this, Uncle Phil.

319. Carlton got this inside tip on a stock.

320. Federal offense.

321. Go on.

322. Then we pawned aunt viv's bracelet

323. to get the money for the stock.

324. Grand larceny. Impressive.

325. And then we lost the money,

326. so we had to strip

327. to get the bracelet back.

328. That would be indecent exposure.

329. Is there more?

330. I'm afraid so, dad.

331. We never got the clasp fixed on mom's bracelet.

332. You never got the—

333. and you did all—

334. I don't know what to say.

335. What can I do?

336. What do you boys think I should do?

337. I don't know.

338. Reward us for our honesty?

339. Hey, hey. It worked for the beav.

340. Do I look like a white guy named ward?

341. Now, you get that bracelet back.

342. For the next six weeks,

343. I don't want to hear you breathe.,

344. or I'm calling the feds myself!

345. I guess this probably ain't the best time

346. to tell him we ran over the mailbox.

347. Come on, man. What is wrong with you?

348. It's Agnes.

349. I can feel her undressing me with her eyes.

350. I don't think so, man. She's not laughing.

351. Come on.

352. Go ahead.

353. Excuse me, Agnes.

354. But isn't that our bracelet?

355. Was your bracelet.

356. I'm only obligated to hold it for five days.

357. Today's the sixth.

358. But we have the $500.

359. I'll give you $550.

360. Whoa, whoa, hold it. Hold it.

361. Look, Agnes, can I speak to you for a second, please?

362. Can I speak to Agnes?

363. Look, Agnes, slimmie,

364. what's up? How you going to play me?

365. I thought we had an understanding, you know?

366. I mean, we speak the same language.

367. What's going on?

368. Baby, ain't nothing going on but the rent.

369. Oh. It's like that, right?

370. Just like that.

371. 550 is what the lady's offering.

372. I hope it doesn't interfere

373. with our relationship, sweet 'n low.

374. Please, please, we'll do anything.

375. What'll it take to change your mind?

376. What you got?

377. Oh, no.

378. Work it, honey.

379. It worked for the beav!

380. Do I look like a white guy named ward?

381. I want you two to go down there and get that bracelet back,

382. and for the next six weeks,

383. I don't want to hear you breathe,

384. or I'm diming you out to the feds myself.

385. Congratulations. You just made the blooper reel.