1. having breakfast
with Rico suave?
Copy !req
2. No. Mom and Robert
sent me this
from Mexico.
Copy !req
3. That looks
just like the hat
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4. you gave me
for my birthday.
Copy !req
5. Don't worry, g.
I'll have it back
in your room in an hour.
Copy !req
6. Geoffrey, would you
put these in a vase?
Copy !req
7. Yes, madam.
Copy !req
8. I got all of vy's
favorite things—
Copy !req
9. pineapple juice,
Copy !req
10. brownies...
Copy !req
11. How did this playboy
get in here?
Copy !req
12. Uh, I bought it.
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13. It's a special
legal edition.
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14. The centerfold
wants to be
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15. a supreme-court
justice.
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16. I had the hardest time
deciding what to wear
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17. to meet aunt vy's
new boyfriend.
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18. I've never known anyone
in construction
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19. except for that guy
in the village people.
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20. Yeah, well,
his daughter can
sleep in my room,
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21. but if she
touches my stuff,
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22. I'm stuffing her in
the clothes hamper.
Copy !req
23. What? It's not
like hilary
never did it.
Copy !req
24. Well, I am so excited.
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25. This is the first time
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26. vy's brought anybody home
to meet the family.
Copy !req
27. Could be serious.
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28. No, no, no.
Not with my mom.
Copy !req
29. All she's trying to do
is get to
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30. her retirement plan
and her rocking chair.
Copy !req
31. Is that why
she's moon-walking
up the driveway?
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32. Diva!
Copy !req
33. Well,
look at you, baby!
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34. Hey, your complexion
has cleared up.
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35. Yeah, mom.
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36. So did yours.
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37. Oh, um...
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38. Hey, baby!
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39. Hey, you
must be Robert.
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40. You're funny.
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41. You must be Carlton.
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42. Well, no. You see...
Copy !req
43. Actually, Carlton is
the funny-looking one
over there.
Copy !req
44. See, I'm will,
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45. but you can just
call me your majesty.
Copy !req
46. I may be small,
but I'm not ignorant.
Copy !req
47. Everyone,
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48. this is Robert's
daughter Claudia.
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49. Hi, sweetheart.
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50. Hi, Claudia.
I'm hilary.
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51. Oh, my God.
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52. Isn't she the cutest
little thing
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53. you've ever seen?
Copy !req
54. Not really.
Copy !req
55. And I would like
for you to meet...
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56. Robert.
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57. Isn't he the biggest hunk
you've ever seen?
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58. Not really.
Copy !req
59. where's vy?
Breakfast's
getting cold.
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60. Knowing vy,
she's upstairs
freshening up.
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61. No. Not my mom.
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62. First thing she does
when she gets anywhere
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63. is kick off her shoes,
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64. roll her hair up into
one of them twists,
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65. and put on one of my
big old sweat suits.
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66. Sorry, everybody.
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67. I just had to freshen up
a little bit.
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68. You like my new pearls?
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69. Yeah. But they'd
probably look better
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70. with one of my old
sweat suits.
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71. You can borrow them
anytime, baby.
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72. Wait, mom. Hold it.
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73. I put your
favorite breakfast
together for you—
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74. waffles with
boysenberry syrup,
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75. eggs—extra runny—
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76. and sausage—
extra burnt.
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77. Thank you, baby,
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78. but I'm eating lighter
these days.
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79. You want
half my melon?
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80. Baby, you know me
like the back
of your hand,
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81. but I need
some juice.
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82. Anybody else
want anything
while I'm up?
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83. Long as I'm around,
you're not lifting
a finger.
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84. May I?
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85. Philip...
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86. I feel a little
thirsty, too.
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87. Robert, you mind
getting Vivian
something to drink?
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88. And toss me
a puddin' pop.
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89. The refrigerator
doesn't open right.
Mind if I look at it?
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90. Be my guest,
but the repairman said
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91. we had to order
new door hinges.
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92. Hold up, Robert!
I can take care of that.
Copy !req
93. G, I need a screwdriver,
wrench, t-square,
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94. and about a week off
from school.
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95. All done.
Copy !req
96. Oh, sure.
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97. It's just going to
break again in 20 years.
Copy !req
98. Robert can fix
anything.
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99. He's
in construction.
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100. Tell 'em, baby.
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101. I'm in construction.
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102. Keep your fingers
crossed.
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103. He's working
on this big deal
with the government,
Copy !req
104. and he's expecting
to hear from them
any day.
Copy !req
105. If the deal
goes through,
he'll be his own boss.
Copy !req
106. I'm working
on a big deal.
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107. You know, down
at the restaurant
where I work,
Copy !req
108. I'm about
to be promoted
to vice president
Copy !req
109. in charge of
keeping bums out
of the entryway.
Copy !req
110. Robert, you know how to
fix a broken dish?
Copy !req
111. Sure. You got
any super glue?
Copy !req
112. I was talking about
our satellite dish.
Copy !req
113. So am I.
Copy !req
114. Sweetie, why don't
you show Claudia
our backyard?
Copy !req
115. Well, why?
Copy !req
116. It's hot,
it's smoggy,
Copy !req
117. plus I won't be able
to hear nothing
you all saying.
Copy !req
118. That's the point,
big guy.
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119. Come on.
Copy !req
120. So, did he
pop the question?
Copy !req
121. Ashley, where
are your manners?
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122. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
123. Did he pop the question,
Copy !req
124. please?
Copy !req
125. Not yet,
Copy !req
126. but he's planning
on building
this dream house,
Copy !req
127. and he did mention
"his and her"
sinks.
Copy !req
128. Let the maids worry
about the sinks.
Copy !req
129. What does he drive?
Copy !req
130. The important
question is
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131. does his mother
like you.
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132. She's dead.
Copy !req
133. Girlfriend,
you're in.
Copy !req
134. I like your bracelet.
Copy !req
135. I bet it would
look very cute
on my little wrist.
Copy !req
136. Sorry. A friend
gave this to me.
Copy !req
137. That's cool.
Copy !req
138. I'm not down
with opp anyway.
Copy !req
139. You want to see
some pictures?
Copy !req
140. Oh, yeah, sure.
Copy !req
141. Whoa. That's you
and my mom.
Copy !req
142. My dad took it
in the backyard.
Copy !req
143. We were having
a barbecue.
Copy !req
144. Claudia, now,
after this barbecue,
Copy !req
145. you guys had the junk
and stuff in your teeth,
Copy !req
146. um... Did my mom
have to go home
to use a toothbrush,
Copy !req
147. or did she already
have one there?
Copy !req
148. She used dental floss.
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149. O.K., uh...
Copy !req
150. Is my mom
over your house
Copy !req
151. more during
good morning America
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152. or arsenio?
Copy !req
153. Or is she
there for arsenio
Copy !req
154. and then still there
for good morning America?
Copy !req
155. Are you trying
to trick me
to find out
Copy !req
156. how serious
they are?
Copy !req
157. So, you think
they're pretty serious?
Copy !req
158. Will, I know
how you feel.
Copy !req
159. Believe me,
I've been there.
Copy !req
160. Let's face it.
Copy !req
161. Those two kids
are nuts about
each other.
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162. My brother,
it's time
you wake up
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163. and smell
the play-doh.
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164. Hey, baby.
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165. Oh, mom,
you're half naked.
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166. Come on,
Copy !req
167. you don't want Robert
to get the wrong idea.
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168. Damn straight.
You don't think
Copy !req
169. I'm doing
these butt busters
for my health.
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170. That's it, young lady.
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171. You go to your room...
In Philly.
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172. Boy, hush up
and help me
move this table.
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173. Can we get started?
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174. I feel a little bloated.
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175. Whoa, whoa.
Hold it, mom.
Copy !req
176. Why ain't you
hooked me up
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177. with one of them
pink chumpies?
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178. I couldn't find one
with a fly.
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179. Ready? And, uh-1...
Copy !req
180. And 2,
and 3, and 4.
Copy !req
181. Man, Jane Fonda
got a butt like arsenio.
Copy !req
182. I could do that
if I had the right outfit.
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183. Uh...
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184. Maybe not.
Copy !req
185. I'd like
to have kids one day.
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186. Yo, man,
what's up?
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187. Man, you caught me.
I was trying
to surprise you.
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188. When you say "surprise,"
Copy !req
189. you don't mean like
I'm driving down
a big hill,
Copy !req
190. then all of a sudden
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191. "surprise"--
my brakes don't work?
Copy !req
192. You got the same
sense of humor
as your mom.
Copy !req
193. Don't try to distract me.
What you doing
to my ride?
Copy !req
194. Your mom and I
borrowed the car.
Copy !req
195. I saw you needed
a water pump,
Copy !req
196. so I picked one up.
Copy !req
197. Pretty decent of you.
You need some help?
Copy !req
198. Nope. All done.
She'll purr
like a kitten.
Copy !req
199. My grandpa taught me
how to fix cars.
Copy !req
200. That's fascinating.
Where did you
meet my mom?
Copy !req
201. She picked me up
in a bar.
Copy !req
202. Hey, man!
Copy !req
203. No. An oyster bar.
Copy !req
204. I was a little shy,
Copy !req
205. so, luckily,
she came up
and talked to me.
Copy !req
206. What she talk about?
Copy !req
207. You.
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208. Is it true you took
your diaper off
Copy !req
209. and ran around sears
naked?
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210. You're damn right!
Copy !req
211. And I'd do it again
if I had to.
Copy !req
212. Robert, it's Mr. Collins
from the department
of housing.
Copy !req
213. I think
this is the call, baby!
Copy !req
214. Hello?
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215. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
216. Uh-huh.
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217. Uh-huh. Right.
Copy !req
218. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
219. He does have
a certain gift
for gab.
Copy !req
220. O.K.
Copy !req
221. Well, thank you
very much.
Copy !req
222. I got the job!
Copy !req
223. So, what kind of marble
do you want
Copy !req
224. for those
"his and her" sinks?
Copy !req
225. Congratulations, Robert.
Copy !req
226. Landing a government
contract is a hell of a deal.
Copy !req
227. I'd like
to impart some words
I've always lived by—
Copy !req
228. mo' money,
mo' money, mo' money.
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229. That's beautiful, dad.
Copy !req
230. I have to admit
success is sweet.
Copy !req
231. Having three beautiful
women to share it with
Copy !req
232. makes it even sweeter.
Copy !req
233. Especially when
they're triplets.
Copy !req
234. I'll get the munchies.
Copy !req
235. Hey, uh,
congratulations,
Robert.
Copy !req
236. It's nice to hear
you're going to
have money now.
Copy !req
237. Guess them old
girlfriends are
going to be coming
Copy !req
238. out of
the woodworks.
Copy !req
239. Actually, your mother's
the only woman I've
dated since my divorce.
Copy !req
240. Oh, that is so sweet,
isn't that, Philip?
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241. Philip?
Copy !req
242. Huh?
Copy !req
243. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Copy !req
244. I—I was looking
for some beer nuts.
Copy !req
245. I feel pretty lucky.
Copy !req
246. How about
that tennis game
you promised me?
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247. You got it.
Copy !req
248. Uncle Phil, no
jumping over the net.
Copy !req
249. This is such a big night
for Robert.
Copy !req
250. I'm gonna make him
a special dinner.
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251. Honey, save the rice.
You'll be needing it
for the wedding.
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252. What? Whoa, come on.
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253. M-mom.
Copy !req
254. Now, look, I didn't
want to bring this up,
Copy !req
255. but I was standing
behind Robert
in the mirror.
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256. Dude ain't
got no reflection.
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257. Will, would you stop
fooling around?
Copy !req
258. I really want to fix Robert
something special.
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259. What should I make?
Copy !req
260. How about reservations?
Copy !req
261. What about
will's favorite dish?
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262. It's not every day
he gets to have his mom
Copy !req
263. prepare him
a home-cooked meal.
Copy !req
264. You know, Carlton,
you're right.
Copy !req
265. So what would my son
like for dinner?
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266. Well, I feel like
something exotic.
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267. Mmm.
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268. O.K.
Copy !req
269. How about Lebanese?
Copy !req
270. You think Robert will
mind swinging by beirut?
Copy !req
271. I'm sorry, Geoffrey.
You better reheat
the asparagus.
Copy !req
272. Will's still not here.
Copy !req
273. How's the chicken
holding up?
Copy !req
274. I'm afraid it's drier
than happy hour
Copy !req
275. at the Betty Ford center,
madam.
Copy !req
276. I can't believe will
is acting like this.
Copy !req
277. Did I do something?
Copy !req
278. Maybe it was a mistake
Copy !req
279. bringing Robert
and Claudia here.
Copy !req
280. Don't be so hard
on yourself.
Copy !req
281. Now, I'm sure
there's a good reason
Copy !req
282. and it has nothing to do
with you and Robert.
Copy !req
283. Mom, we're starved.
Copy !req
284. Claudia's being selfish
with her pez.
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285. Carlton,
you just have to
know how to ask.
Copy !req
286. Now can I have
Barbie's head back?
Copy !req
287. Listen, will's not
going to show up.
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288. Why don't you kids
go ahead on and eat?
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289. Good.
Copy !req
290. The willster must be
feeling pretty low
Copy !req
291. to pull a stunt
like this.
Copy !req
292. I haven't seen him
this upset
Copy !req
293. since someone told him
he looked like me.
Copy !req
294. He's just hard-headed.
Copy !req
295. I don't know where
he gets it from.
Copy !req
296. I do.
Gets it from you.
Copy !req
297. I'm the understanding
sister.
Copy !req
298. Helen is the loud one.
Copy !req
299. Janice
is the flighty one,
Copy !req
300. and you are
the hard-headed one.
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301. I thought
I was the sweet one.
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302. You said you were
the sweet one.
Copy !req
303. When we tried to tell you
you weren't,
Copy !req
304. you wouldn't listen because
you're too hard-headed.
Copy !req
305. As much as I
enjoy these
Copy !req
306. wonderful walks
down memory Lane,
Copy !req
307. I'm pooped.
I'm going to bed.
Copy !req
308. Why don't we try to enjoy
what's left of dinner?
Copy !req
309. Wait—how can you eat
at a time like this?
Copy !req
310. Vivian, I can't get this
out of my mind.
Copy !req
311. How can you say
I'm hard-headed?
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312. Gee, I don't know where
Copy !req
313. I could have
gotten that idea.
Copy !req
314. Will, thank God
I found you.
Copy !req
315. Carlton,
how did you know
I was down here?
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316. Did my mom send you
down here to get me?
Copy !req
317. No.
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318. Oh.
Copy !req
319. I snuck out. I was
worried about you.
Copy !req
320. As you can see, I'm fine.
Copy !req
321. Will, you
don't have to hide
Copy !req
322. behind that macho
exterior with me.
Copy !req
323. I see your frightened
inner child,
Copy !req
324. and I'm here to say
come out and play.
Copy !req
325. You been watching
too much Oprah, man.
Copy !req
326. You can never watch
too much Oprah.
Copy !req
327. If it wasn't for her show,
Copy !req
328. I'd still be in denial
about my drinking.
Copy !req
329. Look, I know how
you feel about Robert.
Copy !req
330. But you're not the only one
who gets jealous.
Copy !req
331. How do you think I felt
when you moved in?
Copy !req
332. You was jealous of me?
Copy !req
333. Sure. You're tall,
good at basketball,
Copy !req
334. the babes love you.
Copy !req
335. Of course, none of that
will help you
in the corporate world,
Copy !req
336. but for the next year or so,
you're sitting pretty.
Copy !req
337. It was real nice of you
to come down here, man.
Copy !req
338. You ain't seeing
my girlfriend
Copy !req
339. or nothing, are you?
Copy !req
340. Will,
I just want you to know
Copy !req
341. if your mom abandons you
and gets married,
Copy !req
342. you'll always have me...
Copy !req
343. Because...
Copy !req
344. Well...
Copy !req
345. You're like the brother
I've always wanted.
Copy !req
346. Thanks a lot, Carlton.
Copy !req
347. For not hugging you,
right?
Copy !req
348. No. For saying that
I'm like the brother
Copy !req
349. that you always wanted.
Copy !req
350. And for not
hugging me, man.
Copy !req
351. I'm sorry. This hasn't
turned out to be
much of a celebration.
Copy !req
352. I'm the one that
should apologize.
It's my fault.
Copy !req
353. I was so eager
for will to like me,
Copy !req
354. I came on too strong.
Copy !req
355. Uh, so how was dinner?
Copy !req
356. Any leftovers?
Copy !req
357. Where the hell
have you been?
Copy !req
358. Boy, time flies
when you're running
up to your bedroom.
Copy !req
359. I'm right behind you,
Carlton.
Copy !req
360. Hey, I'm surprised you
even noticed I was gone,
Copy !req
361. you know,
what with your man
here and all.
Copy !req
362. Don't you use that tone
of walk with me.
Copy !req
363. Now you sit
your butt down
Copy !req
364. before I sit it down
for you.
Copy !req
365. Well, all right, but I'm
picking my own chair.
Copy !req
366. Boy, sit down!
Copy !req
367. What a coincidence.
Copy !req
368. That's the one
I was going to pick.
Copy !req
369. William, you have ruined
Copy !req
370. what was supposed to be
a very special evening.
Copy !req
371. Well, you ruined
what was supposed to be
Copy !req
372. a very special visit.
Copy !req
373. It ain't like I get to
see you all the time.
Copy !req
374. Why do you have
to bring them?
Copy !req
375. I brought them because
they're important to me,
Copy !req
376. and I wanted them
Copy !req
377. to meet
the most important
person in my life.
Copy !req
378. Did you ever think
about what I wanted?
Copy !req
379. Robert's my man.
Claudia's so adorable.
Copy !req
380. You went off
and started a whole
new family without me.
Copy !req
381. Baby...
Copy !req
382. Don't you know
there is no family
without you?
Copy !req
383. Nobody can
take your place.
Copy !req
384. I'm your mother,
Copy !req
385. but I'm human, honey.
Copy !req
386. I have needs, too.
Copy !req
387. Do you expect me
to be alone forever?
Copy !req
388. Yeah.
Copy !req
389. I mean, you've
done good this far.
Copy !req
390. Well, I think you're
being very immature.
Copy !req
391. Am not.
Copy !req
392. You're the only parent
I got,
Copy !req
393. and I don't
want to share you.
Copy !req
394. Well, I'm sorry, baby.
Copy !req
395. That is not
your decision.
Copy !req
396. Will, listen,
Copy !req
397. I am not with Robert
Copy !req
398. because he makes you
feel bad.
Copy !req
399. I'm with him because
he makes me feel good.
Copy !req
400. You're my son, baby.
Copy !req
401. I love you.
I care about you,
Copy !req
402. but I have got
to live my own life.
Copy !req
403. Now you can ruin what's
left of this trip,
Copy !req
404. or you can make it work.
Copy !req
405. It's up to you,
Copy !req
406. but that's all
that's up to you.
Copy !req
407. Hi, will.
Copy !req
408. Hey, Claudia.
Copy !req
409. You know, will,
there are a lot
of advantages
Copy !req
410. to our parents
getting together.
Copy !req
411. The guilt alone will
get us both ponies.
Copy !req
412. I'm not into using guilt
for my personal gain.
Copy !req
413. Temper tantrums—that's
where the money is.
Copy !req
414. You slay me, will.
Copy !req
415. You know, will.
Copy !req
416. You would make
a great brother.
Copy !req
417. I'm not so bad, either.
Copy !req
418. When you take me
to the parks with you,
Copy !req
419. I can attract more babes
than a puppy.
Copy !req
420. What time is your flight?
Copy !req
421. I hate saying goodbye
to you.
Copy !req
422. It's the only time
I cry.
Copy !req
423. Are you kidding, child?
You cry more
than Richard Simmons.
Copy !req
424. Thanks for
the hospitality.
Copy !req
425. Our pleasure.
Copy !req
426. Just be sure you
take care of vy.
Copy !req
427. Uh, Robert,
hold up, man.
Copy !req
428. Um...
Copy !req
429. I just wanted
to a-a-apologize
Copy !req
430. for—for messing up
your celebration.
Copy !req
431. Next time
you come out,
dinner on me?
Copy !req
432. I appreciate it, man.
Copy !req
433. I'll be right there.
Copy !req
434. I guess this is goodbye.
Copy !req
435. I guess it is.
Copy !req
436. He's all right.
Copy !req
437. Well, you're
"all right," too.
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438. In fact, you
are the greatest son
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439. a mom ever had.
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440. I'm going
to miss you, Claudia.
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441. I'm going
to miss you, too.
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442. Thanks for letting me
Polish your shoes,
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443. hang up your clothes,
and vacuum your room.
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444. It was really fun
playing Geoffrey.
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445. What? It's not like
hilary never did it.
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446. Come on, Claudia.
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447. Bye, will.
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448. Wait. Hold up, Claudia.
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449. I think you're
forgetting something.
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450. But your friend
gave it to you.
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451. Yeah, but you're
a better friend,
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452. and, besides,
you can spy
on my mom for me.
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453. I'd like to
impart some words
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454. that I've
always lived by—
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455. mo' money. Mo' money...
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456. I'd like to
impart some words
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457. that I've
always lived by...
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458. You know... I'm trying to be
a professional here.
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