The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 2, Episode 16

Directed by Ellen Gittelsohn

Marj Dusay as Sarah Carnegie • Matthew Faison as John Carnegie • Anna Maria Horsford as Karen Caruthers • E.R. Davies as Joe • Daniel Trent as Carl

Geoffrey falls hard for a neighbor he believes is a housekeeper - but who turns out to be very wealthy.

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1. Geoffrey, it's almost 6:00 and we're going to go out to eat.

2. Why don't you take the rest of the night off?

3. Thank you, madam. I could really use the time to myself.

4. Hey, g., can you give me some water, man?

5. You all missed it. It was great.

6. It was the battle of the abduls— kareem vs. Paula.

7. Hey, don't make fun of Paula.

8. She's the only woman short enough to be my wife.

9. Geoffrey, I need some Tylenol

10. and a cold cloth for my head.

11. Work sucks. But you already know that, don't you?

12. Geoffrey, would you get me a drink? Thank you.

13. Today one of our biggest clients threatened

14. to leave the firm and you'll never guess why.

15. Could you leave it in a note, sir?

16. I have the night off.

17. They had the nerve to say they wanted to be represented

18. by someone younger.

19. Hey, I'm young, I'm happenin' and I'm groovy.

20. Why do I have the sudden urge to tie-dye my drawers

21. and go down to the hootenanny?

22. Will, this is no time to joke.

23. We may be talking about the end of life as we know it.

24. What if all dad's clients figure out he's old?

25. It's the domino theory.

26. First he loses one client, then another and another.

27. The next thing you know, we're all working at domino's.

28. You'll fit right in.

29. You're used to cutting the cheese.

30. Dad, if you want to play hardball

31. with the movers and shakers,

32. you got to get up first thing in the morning,

33. head out and buy yourself some stonewashed jeans.

34. That's good idea, Carlton.

35. All that denim will take his clients' eyes

36. off his bald spot.

37. I have no problem being bald.

38. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with having a receding hairline.

39. That's more like a hair cul-de-sac.

40. Oh, this is ridiculous.

41. Besides, baldness is dignified.

42. Yeah. It's also hereditary.

43. Aah!

44. I don't mean to interrupt,

45. but I'm Karen from across the street.

46. Hot diggity dog! Where have you been all my life?

47. You're from the gellers'.

48. I'm Geoffrey, the bankses' Butler.

49. May I help you?

50. That's not all you can do, Mr. French.

51. I was wondering if you could lend me

52. a cup of lysol.

53. Where's the regular housekeeper rose?

54. Like I give a damn.

55. She's on vacation.

56. Like I give a damn.

57. Anyway, I dropped some jam on the parquet floor.

58. If I may be so bold, you might try liquid wax

59. and a very fine steel wool.

60. I haven't met a man who knew so much about cleaning

61. since my late husband.

62. Late?

63. I'm so sorry.

64. Yahoo!

65. Would you care to join me for some tea?

66. Well, perhaps I could have one cup.

67. Ooh, the croissants look good.

68. And your buns aren't bad either.

69. Nice buns.

70. Buns?

71. You read my mind.

72. Karen?

73. Yes?

74. Would you like to—

75. oh, bad. Tea time.

76. Hey, how you doin'? I'm will.

77. I'm Karen.

78. You going to eat this?

79. Not anymore.

80. Well, I guess I better be getting back.

81. Let me know if you need anything—

82. dust rags, furniture wax,

83. a massage.

84. My God, I hope I didn't say that out loud.

85. Well, thank you, Geoffrey.

86. Thanks for the tea.

87. Looks like g. Just got busy, English-style.

88. She's a fellow domestic.

89. Nothing more.

90. Yo, yo, yo, g., you're wiping the table with a croissant, man.

91. Vivian, tell me something.

92. Do you think I'm getting old?

93. Oh, honey, that's just your imagination.

94. Nobody thinks you're old.

95. Dad, you know how everyone's saying you're old?

96. I've got something that'll make you look years younger.

97. Philip banks, this is your hair.

98. Carlton, I am not wearing a toupee.

99. That's the problem. Now, work with me on this.

100. Your client's going to be at that party Saturday night.

101. You've got to show him a hipper, hairier Philip banks.

102. Say...

103. Is that Philip banks

104. or Blair Underwood?

105. Ha ha ha!

106. What do you think of this one, dad?

107. I look like little Richard, attorney-at-law.

108. Dinner is served.

109. A wop-boppa-looba balop-bam-boom.

110. Philip!

111. Combing—

112. uh, I'm coming.

113. dinner is served.

114. Here are the condiments for your fish—

115. tartar sauce, dill sauce,

116. lemon wedges, and parsley butter.

117. Great. Where's the fish?

118. Spawning off the coast of Nova Scotia?

119. I knew I forgot something.

120. I'll see what else we have.

121. Has Geoffrey been sniffing the 409?

122. Nah. His nose is open.

123. Oh, that explains it.

124. What the hell does that mean?

125. Geoffrey's in love.

126. No, Geoffrey is not.

127. Would anyone care for a cocktail wienie?

128. I guess I forgot to go to the grocery store.

129. Ok. Anybody up for dinner at the club?

130. Great. Got them all to myself.

131. Yo, g., we got some of that squirt cheese?

132. Who am I kidding?

133. My nose is as open as a 7-Eleven.

134. G., I don't understand. Just pick up the phone and ask her out.

135. I wouldn't know what to say.

136. Karen is different.

137. She's so cultured. She's so refined.

138. She can read.

139. Look, g., it's not what you say,

140. it's what you don't say. All right?

141. Whatever you do, don't tell her you like her.

142. Whatever you do, don't tell her

143. that you want to go out with her, you know?

144. And whatever you do, don't ever say the "p" word.

145. The "p" word?

146. Yeah. "Please." If you ain't Barry white,

147. you ain't got to beg.

148. I'll give it a try.

149. Hello?

150. Karen, this is Geoffrey.

151. I just wanted to tell you...

152. How much I like you.

153. No, no, g., no!

154. You're the most charming and beautiful woman I've met

155. in a very long time.

156. And I'd be honored if you'd go out with me this evening,

157. please?

158. Wonderful.

159. I'll pick you up at 8:00.

160. Goodbye.

161. This evening was so special.

162. It was perfect— chopin under the stars,

163. candle-lit dinner,

164. and then the carrousel at the pier.

165. I can't remember when I've had such a good time.

166. I don't think I ever have.

167. It's nice to meet someone with similar interests

168. within one's own station.

169. The last housekeeper I dated

170. turned up in a t-shirt that said "loose Booty."

171. Uh, speaking of being a housekeeper,

172. I need to tell you something.

173. And I need to tell you something.

174. I want to take you in my arms

175. like a load of fresh laundry hot from the dryer.

176. Then what are you waiting for?

177. Geoffrey!

178. Sandford, this is very awkward!

179. I'm surprised at you.

180. Don't be too hard on her.

181. I mean you, Geoffrey.

182. Good evening, madam.

183. Madam?

184. But aren't you the housekeeper?

185. Housekeeper?

186. This is Karen caruthers,

187. heiress to the caruthers toilet tissue empire.

188. That's me.

189. You know, "please don't squeeze the caruthurs."

190. I assure you,

191. had I known, I wouldn't have.

192. Good night, madam.

193. What are you watching?

194. Love story.

195. She dies.

196. Pardon my French, but ever since he stopped seeing Karen,

197. he's been one gloomy Gus.

198. Why did they stop seeing each other anyway?

199. Come on, hilary. He'd be dating somebody

200. with, like, a thousand times more money than him.

201. What's your point?

202. Hilary, it's a man thing, you know?

203. It's like she'd be taking him to expensive places

204. and buying him clothes

205. and giving him all kinds of gifts

206. and paying for everything.

207. Damn. What is my point?

208. Lunch is served...

209. Oh, I feel so sorry for Geoffrey.

210. I think we should all go to spago.

211. That's nice. We'll take Geoffrey to spago.

212. Are you kidding? He's our Butler.

213. Wait a minute. We can't leave him all alone.

214. The man's hurting.

215. Will, trust me. I've know him my entire life.

216. He's a rock.

217. Is that g. Or blind lemon pledge?

218. G., you can't let this honey and her money

219. do this to you, man.

220. It's much more complicated than that, master William.

221. Master William, have you ever had somebody come into your life,

222. and suddenly it's as if a door opens

223. and everything goes from drab black and white

224. to glorious color,

225. and then just as suddenly she's gone?

226. The door slams in your face,

227. and you're left standing alone in the dark.

228. That's how I feel without Karen.

229. Man, g.,

230. that's the saddest thing I ever heard.

231. G., look who's here.

232. Drat.

233. Tell her I don't want to talk to her.

234. You got it.

235. Hey, how you doing?

236. Hey, g. Is dying to talk to you.

237. Ain't you, g.?

238. Hi, Geoffrey.

239. I think I owe you an apology.

240. I'm sorry that I let you think

241. I was working across the street instead of visiting,

242. but I was afraid if you knew I was worth $25 million,

243. you wouldn't ask me out.

244. Look, the money makes no difference to g.

245. Wait a minute. 25 mil?

246. Well, I have to go to this party Saturday night

247. for the diamond league,

248. and I'd love for you to be my escort.

249. He accepts. He accepts.

250. Master William,

251. I can speak for myself.

252. I accept.

253. Great. It's all set, then.

254. G. Will pick you up around 8:00?

255. Ok.

256. Wait. You probably got a limo, though.

257. Uh-huh.

258. That's cool. Like I said,

259. he'll pick you up around 8:00.

260. Yo, yo, yo, can I get that limo?

261. Come on, dad, it looks great.

262. I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

263. How does it look?

264. Don't look directly at it.

265. Everybody will notice.

266. Well, whatever you do, don't scratch.

267. I didn't bring any extra glue.

268. Hey, aunt viv.

269. You see g. Over there with his date?

270. It looks like everything's going—

271. aah!

272. Madam, please.

273. This is quite improper.

274. You must think of your station.

275. I am.

276. Nothing's pulled into my station for quite a while.

277. Karen.

278. Isn't this a lovely party?

279. Oh, it certainly is.

280. Sarah, John, I'd like you to meet my date Geoffrey.

281. Oh, delighted.

282. Madam.

283. Sir.

284. Geoffrey, it's a pleasure.

285. What business are you in?

286. I'm a Butler. You may as well know that.

287. Of course. I knew I recognized you.

288. Geoffrey Butler.

289. Of the southampton butlers.

290. Well, I'm famished.

291. Canape?

292. Oh. Oh, golly.

293. He is so considerate.

294. Put that tray down.

295. Geoffrey, I was just telling Sarah and John

296. about your last trip to england.

297. Oh! Did you stay at the ritz-Carlton?

298. No. I stayed with my Uncle Neville

299. and his common-law wife Ruby.

300. Allow me, madam.

301. Oh, Geoffrey.

302. What are you doing, Geoffrey?

303. Getting this water spot off your fork.

304. You're a guest here.

305. You don't have to act that way.

306. What way?

307. Heavens! Look at these napkins.

308. They're all folded the wrong way.

309. Will you stop that?

310. You're embarrassing me.

311. Ah.

312. I shall spare you any further embarrassment

313. by joining the rest of the help.

314. Say, mom, what was that really hip thing

315. dad said the other day?

316. "My hip hurts"?

317. No. I think it was,

318. "yo, Vivian, I can't ride my harley right now.

319. I think it'll mess up my hair."

320. I knew there was something different.

321. Don't tell me.

322. The executive, right?

323. The sportsman.

324. You know, I can water-ski in this puppy.

325. Well, I feel ridiculous. I don't need a rug to attract clients.

326. It's what's under the toupee that counts.

327. Come on, Vivian. We're leaving.

328. Carlton, you are grounded

329. until you start losing your hair.

330. Yo, g., what you doing, man?

331. Sweeping up some leaves.

332. But there ain't no leaves, g.

333. Hey, if you see leaves, I see leaves.

334. All right.

335. I was trying to catch a glimpse of Karen.

336. Why don't you just go over there and knock on the door, man?

337. Impossible.

338. Why, g.?

339. It's obvious you're crazy about her, man.

340. She's crazy about you.

341. What difference does it make

342. if she's richer than a busload of Japanese tourists?

343. It's not about money, master William.

344. It's about class.

345. Class? Who's got more class than you?

346. You wear a tux to clean the toilet.

347. Master William,

348. I'm talking about the difference

349. in people's stations in life.

350. I'm part of the working class.

351. Karen is not.

352. Ok, so what if she was a housekeeper, right,

353. and she just hit the number for, like, 25 mil?

354. Could you go out with her then?

355. Certainly.

356. All right.

357. What if she ain't have a dime to her name,

358. but she's the queen of Zimbabwe?

359. Could you take her out for a burger?

360. It would be out of the question.

361. Ok. Let's say that she was the daughter of an ambassador,

362. right, but the honey, like, moonlighted as a topless dancer.

363. Could you go out with her?

364. I don't know, master William.

365. It isn't as if there's a list.

366. It's just the way things are done in england.

367. But we ain't in england.

368. I knew that.

369. Look, the point is...

370. I...

371. It's a question of...

372. When it comes right down to it...

373. You're pretty much full of it, g.

374. Rather seems so.

375. Thank you, master William.

376. I think it's time

377. for me to go squeeze the caruthers.

378. I've come to apologize for last night.

379. You are within your rights never to speak to me again,

380. but I had to tell you

381. how really special I think you are.

382. I should never have let something

383. as foolish as $25 million come between us.

384. I accept your apology.

385. Geoffrey, I really enjoy being with you.

386. You know, Karen,

387. money doesn't matter.

388. We could have fun eating a snow cone,

389. walking down the beach.

390. Great.

391. I own a beach.

392. You bring the snow cones.

393. Ow!

394. Take a break, jeeves.

395. I think it's broken.

396. It's broken. It's defective.