The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 2x14

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Clea Lewis as Krista • Joan McMurtrey as Barbara Simone • Elsa Raven as Ida Pollock • Sharon Brown as Cindy • Tom Henschel as Mr. Greenspan

Hilary must work for a caterer after her credit cards are cancelled.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Yo, man, signing up for Singles and Mingles

2. was a bumpin' idea, but, you know

3. these dating services sure cost a lot of bones.

4. Yeah, who are you telling?

5. To pay for it I had to do double duty down at the restaurant.

6. I thought it was tough being a pirate.

7. That ain't nothin' compared to being a salad wench.

8. Well, I'm done filling out my application.

9. Maybe I should put my scent on it, huh?

10. Hey. I think not.

11. Let's see, "Occupation, waiter.

12. Income, $3.50 an hour."

13. Ty, you're not gonna get a date

14. you're gonna get a hot meal

15. and a box of free clothes.

16. You gotta write the things that would appeal

17. to the kind of woman you want, man.

18. So what's your occupation?

19. Oh, well, I'm a Biblical scholar

20. a nuclear physicist

21. and a doctor who saves the lives of orphaned children.

22. Wow, man. Wh-what kind of woman are you looking for?

23. Someone with really, really big breasts.

24. I am so full.

25. We have got to stop with these lunches.

26. Oh! I will never eat again.

27. So where are we going to lunch tomorrow?

28. I'm sorry, Hil, but I can't, I've got to study

29. for my med-school entrance exam.

30. Oh, right. Well, great!

31. When your looks go, they'll still respect you.

32. So, Cindy, where do you want to do lunch tomorrow?

33. Sorry, Hil, I have an interview with an IBM recruiter.

34. Oh, God, everyone's got something to do but me.

35. Maybe I should get a job.

36. Look, I'm telling you, man, it'll be cool.

37. No one's going to believe you're a nuclear physicist.

38. You have trouble working the pumps on your shoes.

39. Let me check in with my fan club.

40. Ow!

41. So, I got a little question for y'all.

42. Do y'all see me more as a Biblical scholar

43. or a nuclear physicist?

44. I see you as..

45. an extra from "Hook."

46. You better watch it before I make you walk the plank.

47. Hey, if I'm going to find a dress

48. for my interview, we better get going.

49. Oh, I can't, do you believe, my parents have called

50. some kind of family meeting?

51. I mean, do I look like a Huxtable?

52. Oh, great. You're all together.

53. Will, we've got something to say to you.

54. We just want to congratulate you

55. for setting such a fine example for the other kids.

56. Is this some kind of sick joke?

57. No, baby. Not at all.

58. We are very proud of the way you've managed

59. to balance your schoolwork and your part-time job.

60. Is this some kind of sick joke?

61. These bills are no joke.

62. You kids could stand to learn a thing or two from Will.

63. Are we, like, in the Twilight Zone?

64. When does everyone put on the pig masks?

65. Carlton, $90 for a pair of socks?

66. - That's ridiculous. - It certainly is!

67. Um.. Oh, honey, that's $9.00.

68. Oh, okay.

69. Ashley, how could you manage to charge

70. $80 worth of trinkets on our account at the drugstore?

71. Uh, that's 80 cents.

72. Sweetie, don't you think you need to get your eyes checked?

73. Don't be ridiculous, Vivian.

74. This has been going on for months.

75. If you move the TV any closer to the bed

76. I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno.

77. I can see just fine.

78. They're just making the print smaller than they used to.

79. Now, this looks like $300 for a pair of shoes.

80. - What does it say? - $300 for shoes.

81. - 'Hm.' - Point being?

82. Kids, we'd like to talk to Hilary alone.

83. Yes, sir!

84. I think I'll slide out and simonize my halo.

85. Hilary, when you quit college

86. we made an agreement that you would pay your own way.

87. Hilary, most of these bills are yours.

88. You spend more on clothes

89. than most small countries spend on grain.

90. You're gonna have to find yourself a job, young lady

91. and you're gonna have to keep it for longer than one day.

92. Okay, you're right. You're right.

93. I haven't lived up to my end of the bargain.

94. And I feel terrible. I really do.

95. Okay, I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job..

96. right after Easter.

97. Don't.

98. Vivian, I can't take this anymore.

99. Hilary, at your age, I shouldn't have to do this.

100. No, daddy, no!

101. This is gonna hurt me much more than it hurts you.

102. I want you to reach into that purse

103. and give me your credit cards.

104. Now, young lady!

105. Yes, hi. I'm Dr. Smith.

106. Sorry I'm late, I had to slide down

107. to the nuclear facility and split an atom.

108. I give up. I can't get a job.

109. I can't even pound the pavement right.

110. Guess your interview didn't go too good, huh?

111. It's just not fair.

112. I want my employer to want me for me

113. not for what I've accomplished.

114. You know what I mean?

115. Yeah, Hil, I do, and it scares the hell out of me.

116. Tomorrow's just going to be more of the same.

117. I'm interviewing at a catering company

118. but I'll never get the job.

119. 'Cause it's a cold, cold world, Will

120. and unfortunately, these people only want one thing.

121. What, your body?

122. No. My resume.

123. Let me look at it.

124. Alright, here we go.

125. Well, first things first.

126. If you're gonna want people to take you seriously

127. you're gonna have to stop dotting your I's

128. with these little hearts.

129. And you're applying for a position at a catering company?

130. Yes, but I don't know anything about catering.

131. Come on, girl, what are you, tripping?

132. How many catered affairs have you been to?

133. I don't know. Four, maybe 500.

134. Okay, there we go

135. six thousand hours of catering experience.

136. Didn't you spend, like, three summers in Paris?

137. Yes. I gained ten pounds eating croissants.

138. Studied pastry-making with the French masters.

139. But, Will, I am no good in the kitchen.

140. I mean, the last time I tried to make breakfast

141. I burned the entire stove to a crisp.

142. Expert in the art of flambe.

143. Hey-hey.

144. Hi, Will.

145. Philip, you really should get your eyes checked.

146. Oh. I'll make an appointment to see the eye doctor tomorrow.

147. Uh, Tyriq, Will's upstairs. I'll go get him.

148. Oh, no, that's okay, Ashley. I'll get him.

149. Yo, Will, it's Ty!

150. You sure he heard you?

151. Yo, that's a good point. You got a broom?

152. I mean, I could bang on the ceiling. Ha-ha!

153. Why you got my shirt on, man?

154. Hey, man. Wait, wait, wait.

155. What you talking about your shirt, man?

156. You said you weren't going to buy it.

157. I said I wouldn't if I wereyou.

158. I got the shoulders for it.

159. That shirt looks good on anyone.

160. All the guys in eighth grade have one.

161. Um, I'mma take mine back, man.

162. Yeah, alright. Well, me, too, you know.

163. I better return mine before my scent overpowers it.

164. I think you guys are spending too much time together.

165. Hey, how did the interview go?

166. You are looking at the new catering director

167. for Delectable Eats.

168. I am single-handedly overseeing a bar mitzvah

169. for 200 people this Saturday.

170. I'm so happy for you!

171. Congratulations, baby!

172. Mom, dad..

173. this time I think I've really found my niche

174. and I owe it all to you.

175. Oh, this is so exciting!

176. Why don't you help me fix dinner?

177. Please.

178. You can't afford me.

179. Look, you said you was gonna take yours back.

180. Come on, now, man, look.

181. I deserve to keep the shirt

182. because I was in eighth grade the longest.

183. Look, now, come on, man, this definitely ain't going to

184. do nothing for the misconception that all brothers look alike.

185. Fine. But wait, what are we doing here, anyway?

186. I thought you said we were going to the bar mista.

187. It's bar mitzvah, dunce cap.

188. The Bar Mista is a go-go joint on Sunset.

189. Oh, thanks, guys.

190. Could you get the rest of the stuff out of the car?

191. Yeah, yeah, we'll grab that, Hil

192. but I told you, we gotta get out of here.

193. We get to meet who we got matched up with today

194. and I don't want to miss out a lovely young lady

195. who thinks I'm Arsenio's younger brother Vesuvia.

196. Barb, hi.

197. - So, what do you think? - Hil, hi.

198. Everything looks wonderful.

199. You are a gem.

200. Now, remember, the serving crew should wear

201. the new aprons I bought.

202. By the way, where is the serving crew?

203. Serving crew?

204. By that you mean the crew that serves?

205. Are they in the party room?

206. By that you mean the room where the party is?

207. Um, no. The serving crew, um

208. is not in the party room

209. at this point in time, Barb

210. because, you see, they're..

211. Right here!

212. Hi, serving crew.

213. What a great idea, Hilary.

214. I love the matching shirts.

215. My son in eighth grade has one.

216. Well, I must dash.

217. See you this evening.

218. Ciao.

219. Thanks, guys. You saved me.

220. Do you think you could stay and help serve?

221. Do I look like Hazel?

222. Look, Hilary, I told you we had something to do.

223. We can't stay.

224. Okay, if I lose this job

225. I guess, I can always sell my hair.

226. That's cool, just make sure Uncle Phil

227. pays you top dollar for it.

228. Hilary, I told you from the beginning

229. that we were gonna have to go.

230. Now don't try to pull this.

231. What kind of monster are you?

232. Alright, alright. Look, look, Hil.

233. Uh, me and Ty got to meet our dates

234. but we'll go home and we'll get the others to help you.

235. Uh, okay, but don't tell mom and dad.

236. Okay, I don't want them to think I'm messing up.

237. Alright, that's fine. We won't.

238. But the others, good as here.

239. Forget it, Will.

240. I'd rather share a seesaw with Delta Burke.

241. Ashley?

242. You know how hard it is for me to say no.

243. No.

244. Easier than I thought. Neat.

245. I don't believe you two.

246. Hilary is your sister.

247. Look, if it weren't for her, man, you'd..

248. Every time you've been in a jam, she..

249. She's always the first one..

250. Hilary's your sister!

251. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

252. First you lied on your dating application

253. then you lied on Hilary's resume.

254. A lie always comes back to haunt you.

255. Sort of like that heat rash on your neck

256. that you've been passing off in gym class as a hickey?

257. Enough said.

258. Uh, l-look, it won't be that bad, man.

259. How hard can it be to serve a couple 13-year-old boys?

260. Thirteen-year-old boys? Count me in!

261. After all, Hilary's my sister.

262. Alright, thanks. Um, now I just gotta try to get G to come.

263. You know how tight he is with his days off.

264. Hey, G! Big, big party, man!

265. Plenty of honeys!

266. No.

267. Well, G's probably right.

268. How much fun could you have with chumpies

269. named Di, Fergie, and Elizabeth, uh, you know?

270. He's lying.

271. It's clearly a lie.

272. It's a blatant, bold-faced lie!

273. I'll hate myself in the morning.

274. What's the point of a bar mitzvah, anyway?

275. It's when a Jewish boy becomes a man.

276. In front of all these people?

277. Where's the princess?

278. Here I am!

279. Geoffrey, you have saved my life, as usual.

280. Thank you so much for helping me on your day off.

281. Miss Hilary, it will be my pleasure to help you

282. in your hour of need.

283. As for you..

284. there is a special place for you in homeboy hell.

285. Well, Hil, looks like you're all set.

286. Me and Ty are about to break out.

287. But I need you.

288. No, okay?

289. No, no, no, no, no.

290. It's not going to work this time.

291. But you're the one who said I could do this job!

292. Hilary, listen. I told you all day we had to go, alright?

293. Look, just-just stop it now, okay? Stop it!

294. Ty, look, she-she really needs our help, man.

295. She's in a jam. Can we help her out?

296. Alright, o-okay. But, you know, not for long.

297. 'Cause this is my one chance to date a woman

298. who doesn't wear all her gold in her mouth.

299. Just 20 minutes. We'll be out of here in 20 minutes.

300. Great!

301. Okay, servers, let's go out there

302. and show those party-goers

303. the best darn time they've ever had!

304. Say it once, say it loud

305. we've got Brie and we're proud!

306. (all) We've got Brie and we're proud.

307. Hilary!

308. What is wrong with you, child?

309. They're out there!

310. Well, Hilary, other than the pork thing

311. they're pretty much just like us.

312. No. Uh!

313. I'm talking about Cindy and Krista.

314. Oh! If my friends see me serving food

315. I'll be the laughing stock of Bel-Air.

316. Hilary, don't be ridiculous.

317. Carlton's the laughing stock of Bel-Air.

318. Besides, you're the caterer.

319. You can't hide in the kitchen all night.

320. You're right.

321. They might come in here.

322. What are you..

323. Hilary!

324. You know, ever since yougot a job

325. I've been working my butt off!

326. Blacks and Jews have a lot in common.

327. A cherished heritage

328. a strong sense of community

329. frizzy hair..

330. Oh, look!

331. A Donna Karan suit, right in the middle of the kitchen floor!

332. What color?

333. You got to come out and see that.

334. 'Sorry, Will, it won't work.'

335. Hey, look, G, she won't listen to me, man.

336. I give up.

337. I think it's time you came out of the closet.

338. Let me.

339. Sonny, what you do in the privacy of the bedroom

340. is nobody's business but yours.

341. Just be true to yourself!

342. He'll come around.

343. That's it.

344. If you don't come out, I'm coming in!

345. Miss Hilary, will you please be sensible?

346. My friends are out there, Geoffrey.

347. One of them is going to go to medical school.

348. The other one landed a job with IBM.

349. And if they see me out there serving

350. they're gonna think I'm a big fat zero.

351. What matters is what you think about yourself.

352. Maybe in Des Moines.

353. This is L.A., okay?

354. Besides, I lied to get this job

355. and now I can't do it.

356. I quit.

357. Miss Hilary, remember when you were nine

358. you begged your parents to buy you a violin?

359. But five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?

360. I quit. I had to. It irritated my chin.

361. And what about ballet?

362. I quit. I had to.

363. I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.

364. And cheerleading?

365. Okay, okay, I quit that, too.

366. But they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!

367. Miss Hilary, you can't go through life

368. quitting everything.

369. You never achieve anything

370. unless you stick with something.

371. And you should stick with this

372. 'because you've done a truly remarkable job on this party.'

373. I can't remember when I've seen you this happy.

374. Yeah, but, Geoffrey, what difference does it make?

375. I mean, do you really see Cindy saying

376. "Wow, you just gotta meet my friend Hilary Banks.

377. She can sculpt cauliflower into a bust of Barbara Streisand."

378. There's nothing demeaning about serving others, young lady.

379. I'm very good at my job

380. and in that I take great pride.

381. I'm not as strong as you are, Geoffrey.

382. Oh, no?

383. Well, I had a hand in raising you, Miss Hilary

384. and if I do say so myself

385. Geoffrey don't raise no fools.

386. Now, if you love this job as much as I think you do

387. go out there, pick up a tray

388. and enter that room as if you were the Queen of England.

389. Oh, but she's so dowdy.

390. Can I be Princess Caroline instead?

391. Get busy, princess.

392. That's it, Hilary!

393. I am sick and tired of your attitude. Okay?

394. Now you get your spoiled butt up out this closet

395. and you go out there and strut your puffs!

396. Well, I'm a bad boy, ain't I?

397. She's really in a jam, man. Can we just help her out?

398. Okay, man, but, you know, not for long.

399. This is my one time to date a woman

400. who doesn't wear all the gold in her mouth

401. and you're all..

402. But you're the one who said I could do this job.

403. Look, Hilary, come on. Look..

404. That was so articulate!