The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 2, Episode 12

Directed by Ellen Gittelsohn

Don Amendolia as Mr. Cummings • John Petlock as Henry Furth • Brandon Quintin Adams as Ramon • Mimi Cozzens as Mrs. Pullman • Richard Penn as Brett

After winning at the country club's Monte Carlo night fund-raiser, Will learns that he's expected to donate the money to charity.

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1. Zzzzzzz... Ugh!

2. Good night, will.

3. You're grounded.

4. man, I ain't played ball that hard

5. since I left Philly, man.

6. That dude was no joke, man.

7. I ain't never playing with him again.

8. He was pushing me around

9. and shoving me and kicking me and all that stuff.

10. Dude was a monster.

11. Hey, I thought you wanted a rematch.

12. Forget it, man. Go pick on somebody your own size.

13. Hi, Ashley.

14. Hi, Ramon.

15. Say...

16. I've got a half peanut butter and jelly sandwich

17. in my pocket with your name on it.

18. No. No, thanks.

19. You want to see my frog?

20. I think I'll pass.

21. Man, those lines kill them at jungle gym.

22. It's killing me how much you remind me of myself.

23. Why? 'Cause we're both down with b-ball?

24. No, 'cause don't nobody want to see my frog neither.

25. See, man, one day,

26. Ashley's going to be breaking down my door,

27. 'cause I'm saving money for basketball camp.

28. Next thing you know, I'll be playing pro.

29. My motto—keep your eyes on the prize.

30. That's kind of similar to my motto—

31. keep your hands on their thighs.

32. Time to help mom wash Mr. Steinberg's windows. Peace.

33. Be cool, babe.

34. By the way, g, she tell me to tell you hello.

35. Really?

36. Nah, I wanted to watch the Earl grey

37. run through your veins.

38. When we have children like that in england,

39. we encourage them to emigrate.

40. This is amazing.

41. Did you know the odds of getting hit by an asteroid

42. are 1 in 6,000?

43. Really? I'm feeling kind of lucky.

44. Why don't you go outside?

45. "How to beat the odds"?

46. Sorry, c, no way to beat it.

47. You're odd.

48. I want to know what job I'll be doing

49. so I can pick out an outfit.

50. The ladies of the country club

51. put me in charge on monte Carlo night

52. because I don't play favorites.

53. Just remember whose name is on your favorite credit card.

54. "Vivian banks— any job she wants."

55. Oh, what a day. I'm exhausted.

56. Daddy, for monte Carlo night,

57. you're going to be the croupier de toilette.

58. Great. What'll I do?

59. You'll make sure there's always toilet paper on the rolls.

60. It's great to know that all those years of law school

61. are finally coming in handy.

62. Will, you're gonna help with the cleanup.

63. I ain't down with that country club stuff,

64. sitting around all night discussing mayonnaise

65. with four white guys named biff.

66. Isn't biff a riot?

67. This is a fund raiser for the L.A. political coalition.

68. Everything cannot always be about fun.

69. Hold it. Y'all are going to make me go?

70. Well, at least show up.

71. If you're still unhappy after the first half-hour,

72. consider the rest of the evening

73. punishment for something you've gotten away with.

74. I'd rather be stranded at sea

75. with David Duke leading the rescue party.

76. Why should I have to go to this stupid country club if I don't want to?

77. How's Uncle Phil going to play a nephew?

78. How's daddy going to play a daughter?

79. I can't believe he thinks I'm too young to gamble.

80. I've been eating hilary's cooking since I was 3.

81. Ooh! Uncle Phil, man, you're—

82. looking extremely fly. Thank you, will.

83. And yes, you still have to go.

84. Daddy, I am really—

85. going to miss your daddykins.

86. I know, Ashley,

87. and no, you still can't go.

88. So do I look like a Blackjack dealer?

89. You look great, mother,

90. but that's not how you wear a halter.

91. It is when your breasts don't come with a receipt.

92. Well, I'm all ready for monte Carlo night.

93. I've read this book cover to cover.

94. Ask me about any odd combination.

95. Ok, why is Michael Jackson

96. hanging with that little boy from home alone?

97. Well, we better be going. Good night, Geoffrey.

98. And, Ashley, sweetheart,

99. I'll bring you home a stuffed miss piggy doll.

100. Oh, joy.

101. Being 13 bites,

102. and I'm too young to know what it bites.

103. Perhaps biting into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie

104. would lift your spirits.

105. I've poured you a nice cold glass of milk to go with it.

106. Why don't you slap a diaper on me

107. and hang a mobile over my head?

108. Oh, Geoffrey, it's wonderful.

109. Here is your ginger ale...

110. Shaken, not stirred.

111. I trust you won't be dancing on the table

112. with a lampshade on your head.

113. Ante is one vanilla wafer,

114. table limit, four mint milanos.

115. Oh.

116. Something wrong, miss Ashley?

117. No, ev-everything's fine.

118. Spill it.

119. Be honest. We're playing with cookies

120. because you think I'm a kid, right?

121. Well, yes.

122. I'm 13. If these were the middle ages,

123. I'd already be married and own a pair of oxen.

124. I'm an adult.

125. A young adult.

126. I'll get my wallet.

127. I'll get my smurf bank.

128. Whoa, hold it, man.

129. There's an old gambling superstition—

130. says if you walk into a casino backwards,

131. you'll have good luck.

132. Will, you poor public school casualty.

133. Everyone knows there's no such thing as luck.

134. There's only the astute mastery of probability.

135. Have it your way, man.

136. Wow. You are lucky. That could have been an asteroid.

137. I hope you don't mind my saying it,

138. but you sure look good.

139. How was heaven when you left it?

140. Anybody ever tell you you sure look sexy when you deal?

141. We all have.

142. We're not here because of the way she shuffles cards,

143. you know what I mean?

144. Gee, it's chilly in here.

145. I'd hate for my wife to catch cold.

146. All right, all right.

147. blow on these bones, would you, slimmie?

148. All right.

149. 7! Yo!

150. All right! All right!

151. Let it ride!

152. The odds of you repeating that are 6-to-1.

153. It says don't even make this bet in your dreams.

154. Ah, Carlton, I, too, have a dream.

155. And in it, all of the world rises up

156. and overcomes your stupidity.

157. Now stay out of my face.

158. Come on. Don't act like you never done it before.

159. 11!

160. Yo! Just like it's supposed to be.

161. Give it to me again. Can I get an amen?

162. Amen! Yes, sir.

163. The book says there's no way you can win.

164. If I were you, I wouldn't touch those dice.

165. Posse out, short stuff. Robin's on a roll.

166. All right, here we go.

167. two pairs— kings and queens.

168. Uh, three aces.

169. Sorry, Geoffrey.

170. You're $94 in the hole.

171. Should we play again?

172. I think not.

173. Are you mad at me?

174. Of course not, miss Ashley.

175. You play very well.

176. Where did you learn,

177. a back alley in Calcutta?

178. Go, will! Go, will!

179. Go, will! Go, will!

180. Go, will! Go, will!

181. Go, will! Go, will!

182. You're insane. Quit while you're ahead.

183. Yo, yo. Man with the bald head.

184. Yo!

185. Tell me what they said.

186. 7.

187. Go, will!

188. Go, will!

189. Go, will! Go, will!

190. Go, will! Go, will!

191. Go, will! Go, will!

192. Go, will! Go, will!

193. 11!

194. Hey, who's hotter than Madonna in a pointy bra?

195. You are!

196. Just checking.

197. 7!

198. May I have everyone's attention, please?

199. It's time for the raffle—

200. a cash prize of $1,000.

201. And the winner is...

202. Number "10225."

203. Aah!

204. Carlton, did you win?

205. No, I didn't play,

206. and 10225 is my lucky number.

207. Hold it! 10225? That's me!

208. Go, will!

209. Go, will! Go, will!

210. Go, will! Go, will!

211. Go, will! Go, will!

212. Go, will! Go, will!

213. It is with great pleasure

214. that I present you with this check

215. in the amount of $1,000.

216. It is with humongous pleasure

217. that I take this chumpie off your hands.

218. Can we get a picture of this, please?

219. And now can we get a shot of will

220. giving the check back to the lapc?

221. Wait, wait. Excuse me?

222. We'd like a shot of you

223. donating the money back to the lapc.

224. Wait. You want me to donate $1,000?

225. That's the idea.

226. That's a bad idea.

227. But it's a... Club tradition.

228. Oh, well, we got a club tradition in Philly, too—

229. it says if they don't have one,

230. you don't give them your money.

231. Honest, Geoffrey, it'd make me feel a lot better

232. if you'd just take your money back.

233. No, thank you.

234. A gentlemen always accepts his losses gracefully.

235. Ok, Geoffrey. But you're sure we're still friends?

236. Of course, miss Ashley.

237. Look, I don't understand

238. why you're making such a big deal about this money.

239. It ain't like I took the benz drag racing

240. down sunset at 4:00 in the morning.

241. Tattletale.

242. I'm making a big deal

243. because every year the club picks a charity

244. and donates that money to that charity.

245. If it's supposed to be my money,

246. how come I can't do what I want to do with it?

247. And I don't want to donate it to the lapc.

248. Will, donating that money is a tradition,

249. and a tradition isn't something

250. to be thrown away on a whim.

251. Whoa, hold up!

252. You calling a red leather suit

253. with matching seat covers a whim?

254. Will, you're being awfully selfish.

255. Obviously, you haven't learned a thing since you've been here.

256. We've all been blessed,

257. and donating to someone less fortunate than yourself

258. is not an option.

259. It's a responsibility.

260. I hear what you're saying, Uncle Phil.

261. You're right. You're right.

262. Keeping money that isn't yours is wrong— very, very wrong.

263. I know, I know.

264. Hey, Ashley, what's up?

265. Would everyone just get off my case?

266. I wanted to give him the money back, but he won't take it.

267. Whoa, puberty's in the house.

268. Hey, you're looking fine today.

269. Thanks. I did something a little different with my hair.

270. Here's your boom box. I rewired it.

271. It works fine now. You owe me 50 cents.

272. 50 cents? That's real reasonable.

273. Hey, a happy customer is a loyal customer.

274. How much for the shoeshine?

275. 150 bucks.

276. I got to make up the difference somewhere.

277. How else am I going to get to basketball camp?

278. Let's get out of here

279. before Linda Blair's head starts spinning around.

280. Good morning, baby.

281. Mommy, you look so pretty.

282. Thank you.

283. Hilary's taking your father and me

284. to brunch at the club today.

285. I wanted to thank them for being so helpful

286. while I organized monte Carlo night.

287. The way we all pulled together

288. made me see the importance of family

289. and how truly blessed I am.

290. What about the rest of us? We're family, too.

291. Yeah, but if I take all of you,

292. I won't have enough money left over to buy a hat.

293. You know what I was thinking?

294. I'm tired of going to the club,

295. seeing those same old faces all the time.

296. What say we head down to Denny's for a short stack?

297. Hilary wants to take us to the club for brunch.

298. After what will did last night,

299. they're all going to be gossiping about us.

300. Why put ourselves through that?

301. Oh, they won't be gossiping.

302. Will gave the check back.

303. Besides people at our club aren't like that.

304. I mean, no one cared about Mrs. Silverberg's divorce.

305. I heard she's been seeing the golf pro.

306. I heard her husband caught them in the utility closet.

307. Did you know both of them were wearing nothing but cleats?

308. It was the tennis pro in the steam room.

309. But the cleats part is right.

310. Kids talk.

311. See, Vivian? Everybody's looking at us.

312. No, they aren't.

313. Vivian, I want to congratulate you

314. on having such a talented daughter.

315. Here, in case you need this.

316. Thank you, but I don't smoke.

317. It's gold. It's worth something.

318. I thought she was still on the wagon.

319. Something very strange is going on here.

320. Uh, excuse me, waiter.

321. Could we have the check, please?

322. It's already been taken care of.

323. By whom?

324. By the way, if you need to unload one of your cars,

325. I can give you cash. I just sold a screenplay.

326. Excuse me a minute.

327. Henry.

328. Henry!

329. What in God's name is going on here?

330. If you needed money, why didn't you come to me

331. instead of making will keep that check?

332. It was will's idea.

333. I told him to give it back.

334. Sure. Sure, old man.

335. George, would you tell him will gave back that check?

336. Well, I'd love to, but he didn't.

337. But I told him to.

338. Well, this is obviously some kind of mistake.

339. Oh, sure, and Mrs. Silverberg was wearing cleats

340. because she forgot her shower shoes.

341. Geoffrey, I took a piece of gum from your windbreaker.

342. Quite all right, miss Ashley.

343. No, no, no. I insist on paying you back. Here.

344. A stick of double mint costs but a few pennies.

345. A few pennies, $94. Why split hairs?

346. Miss Ashley, you have offended my honor.

347. Honor shmonor! It's your male pride.

348. Miss Ashley!

349. I'm sorry, Geoffrey,

350. but I'm sick and tired of men acting like pouty babies

351. just because you beat them at something,

352. like the time I beat Bobby greenspan at tether ball.

353. After that, he told everyone at school that I took steroids.

354. I apologize, miss Ashley.

355. I have acted like an utter fool.

356. That's all right, Geoffrey.

357. I had to stuff Bobby greenspan in his locker

358. before he would apologize.

359. Man, I finally beat you.

360. Hey, man, no, no! The sun was in my eyes.

361. Man, the same sun was in my eyes.

362. Stop being a baby.

363. I ain't being no baby,

364. and if you beat me again,

365. I'm taking my ball, and I ain't being your friend.

366. I got to go find g.

367. He got some shoes for me to shine.

368. Philip, I'm sure will just hasn't gotten around

369. to returning the check yet.

370. Vivian, when I tell will to do something,

371. I expect for it to be done.

372. Hey, aunt viv, Uncle Phil—

373. oh, you got that mad look in your eyes.

374. Let me guess.

375. You grabbed Geoffrey's underwear by mistake. Am I right?

376. Will, why didn't you give that check to charity

377. like I told you to?

378. What are you talking about? I did.

379. Don't stand there and lie to me.

380. I'm not lying.

381. I just got back from the club.

382. I've never been so humiliated.

383. I thought we had an agreement

384. that money was going where it was most needed?

385. Now march upstairs and get me that check.

386. Well, I can't. The money's gone.

387. How could you have spent $1,000 already?

388. Wow, will, you must be loaded.

389. You spent a grand

390. and had another grand to give me for basketball camp?

391. I got to raise your shoeshine rate.

392. You gave the money to Ramon?

393. Well, yeah. It's just a loan

394. till his sneaker endorsement comes through,

395. you know, around 2010.

396. Oh, will, that was very commendable,

397. but that's not what that money was raised for.

398. Come on, Uncle Phil, you said I got a break

399. and I should give somebody else a break,

400. so I gave the money to Ramon.

401. He's right, Philip. You did say that.

402. I'll still donate $1,000 to lapc.

403. Yeah, that's cool,

404. but lookie here.

405. Seeing as how you're in this extremely generous mood,

406. I want to know if you is down with

407. donating to the united negro nephew fund?

408. You know, they say a Saturday night

409. is a terrible thing to waste.

410. Child, you must be on dog food.

411. No, no, see, I ain't down with that country stuff.

412. Country—country— ohh!

413. Here we go, one more time.

414. Here it is—blah za bleh zu tinnus—ohh!

415. I thought we had an agreement

416. that we were gonna give that money to where it was supposed—

417. Ohh!

418. Be with me here. Pray for me.