The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 2, Episode 11

Directed by David Bowe • Ellen Gittelsohn

Nicholle Tom as Zoey • Ralph Manza as Bob Doomie • Perry Moore as Tyriq • Bell Biv DeVoe as Themselves

Bell Biv DeVoe shoots a video at the Bankses, courtesy of Carlton, who rents the house while his parents are away.

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1. Will, it's nice of you to help mom and dad with their bags?

2. Oh, yeah, man.

3. They treat me so good here,

4. I'll do whatever I can to repay their kindness.

5. Can't wait for them to leave either, huh?

6. Does Barry white want seconds?

7. Well, as acting head of the household this weekend,

8. I think you'll find me tough, yet fair,

9. firm, yet kind.

10. Hey, besides, man hilary's the oldest.

11. She's in charge.

12. But not equipped to lead.

13. She's a figurehead,

14. like queen Elizabeth, Dan quayle,

15. colonel Sanders.

16. I've typed up a few ground rules.

17. I think you should check this out.

18. Whoa. Carlton, you got to loosen up a little bit.

19. You're too tight.

20. It's a wonder you don't sneeze and pop your drawers.

21. Will, please,

22. I'm hardly a stranger to life on the edge.

23. I can't count the number of times

24. I've gone swimming right after eating.

25. I've been through the whole neighborhood,

26. and I haven't sold one box of cookies.

27. Even shelley winters turned me down.

28. What you need is a different sales strategy.

29. Look, here's one that always worked for me.

30. Mister, I was going to sell you some cookies,

31. but I tripped on your driveway.

32. I think I broke my ankle.

33. Could you please call my daddy?

34. He's a lawyer. He'll know what to do.

35. Hilary, I'm leaving you $100 for groceries.

36. Here's the number where we're staying

37. for the legal convention.

38. I can't say I'm looking forward to it.

39. I can't say it,

40. because it would be a big, fat lie.

41. Goodbye, everyone.

42. I'm off for the weekend.

43. Bye, Geoffrey. I hope you enjoy your butlers' convention.

44. Goodbye, miss Ashley.

45. Yo, g.G., I always wonder what y'all be doing,

46. like, reminiscing about Mr. French?

47. Actually, we'll be reminiscing about Benson.

48. It's the black butlers' convention.

49. This year's theme is

50. "get it your own damn self."

51. See you all Monday morning.

52. Ready for the convention, sweetheart?

53. Oh, no matter how you prepare,

54. you can never really be ready

55. for something like this.

56. Great.

57. Now, kids, you're all mature young adults,

58. and your mother and I trust you completely.

59. But by the same token,

60. if any of you are planning on using this weekend

61. as an excuse to engage in reckless activities,

62. you'll have to think again.

63. Misbehavior of any kind

64. will result in immediate grounding...

65. And suspension of allowance.

66. Do I make myself clear?

67. This is a racial thing, right?

68. Philip, what a wonderful surprise.

69. I don't know how you pulled this off without me knowing it,

70. but I'm glad you did.

71. Well, I thought this might be a little bit better

72. than a boring legal convention.

73. I hope you folks enjoy yourselves here at the doomie inn.

74. I'm Bob doomie.

75. I got the same room we had on our 10th anniversary.

76. Oh, "the glory that was Rome" suite?

77. And if you recall,

78. the chariot bed didn't need horses

79. to move it across the room.

80. Welcome to the casbah.

81. What happened to Rome?

82. Well...

83. Actually, the Roman suite next door is already taken.

84. Well, this $50 says it isn't.

85. Thank you, sir,

86. but his $200 says that it is.

87. Oh, Philip, this is lovely.

88. I'm sure it will be just as romantic.

89. But I had really had my heart set on wearing that toga.

90. I'll do my dance of the seven veils,

91. and I didn't bring any.

92. Ok, kids, go to the movies.

93. Ok, planet closest to the sun is Mercury.

94. Yo, you got it.

95. You're pretty smart for a guy

96. that's only been through 10th grade once.

97. Well, you know what that means.

98. You got to take off your blouse.

99. Wait a minute. I've played this game before.

100. I've never had to take off my clothes.

101. No, baby. These are Canadian rules.

102. Will, we need a ride to the grocery store.

103. We're supposed to sell cookies today.

104. Um, Ashley, love,

105. pumpkin blossom, apple.

106. Why don't you ask Carlton or hilary?

107. Don't come back through here

108. until you're 17 or accompanied by an adult.

109. Now where were we?

110. Ahh, all right, uh...

111. Either of you ladies speak Latin?

112. Too bad.

113. Ty, get the blinds.

114. Yes, well, my parents are out of town,

115. so I can do anything I want.

116. Now, get your tail over here pronto.

117. I want it fast, and I want it hot.

118. And if it has any pepperoni on it,

119. I'm sending that puppy back.

120. We're supposed to sell cookies today.

121. Mom said one of you had to take us.

122. You're troopers. Take a hike.

123. Hilary, we need a ride to the grocery store.

124. Have a slim fast.

125. I need the grocery money to buy jewelry.

126. But no one else will do it.

127. Excuse me, ladies. But when my parents are away,

128. I'm like a mother to these children.

129. And how you treat them could affect them

130. for the rest of their lives.

131. Come along, little troopers.

132. Carlton, haul the brats.

133. I'm expecting company.

134. I'll put it in the oven for you.

135. You're closest to the door.

136. Well, you're closest to the floor.

137. I am close to snagging a garnet necklace at half price.

138. Now one of you get out there and fire up that benz.

139. Thank you.

140. Wow!

141. Ok, Thelma and Louise, park it over here.

142. I told you the "r" didn't mean real fast.

143. Ok. I'm in charge. I'll handle this.

144. Young lady, what do you think,

145. that I'm made out of money?

146. Hil-hilary, what does that have to do with anything?

147. I don't know.

148. That's what dad always says to me.

149. I must say. Color me disappointed.

150. This is our home. I live here, damn it.

151. Now just because mom and dad are away

152. doesn't mean we should act like people without trust funds,

153. and besides, if anything goes wrong, it's will's butt.

154. It's not so much my butt.

155. It's Uncle Phil's foot coming towards it.

156. That's why I told the film crew to be really careful tomorrow.

157. They're shooting a video here.

158. Excuse me, girls,

159. could you put your hands over your ears, please?

160. What the hell are you talking about?

161. I'm talking about the financial opportunity of a lifetime.

162. It's an investment strategy

163. that's leveraged with zero risk.

164. Carlton, what the hell are you talking about?

165. We get 5 grand for doing Jack.

166. $5,000?

167. Yo, I can purchase a new butt.

168. Yo! Where's the money?

169. They're bringing it tomorrow,

170. and they promise we won't even know they're here.

171. Where's the family room?

172. I'm going to kill Carlton.

173. Kill him? I want to know the name of his decorator.

174. You've got a lot of explaining to do.

175. I hope it begins with the words "they got a gun."

176. Calm down, will.

177. All the furniture's in the back yard,

178. safely out of harm's way.

179. By the time mom and dad get back on Monday,

180. it will all be back in place.

181. Our gross revenue will be 100% profit

182. without losing our assets.

183. I still don't know what you're talking about.

184. But, look, if I get killed,

185. your toe is gonna be tagged, too.

186. I told you, it will all be put back on Monday.

187. Monday? Monday.

188. Monday.

189. And action!

190. hey, will!

191. What's up, man?

192. Yeah. What's up?

193. Can you excuse me?

194. We're trying to do a video here if you don't mind.

195. Hi, Ron, Ricky, Michael.

196. How are you guys doing?

197. What's up? I like that jacket.

198. I think I like the yellow one better.

199. Listen, guys, I know I said we should do lunch,

200. but today is just awful for me.

201. You got that shoe sale?

202. One of these days, I've just got to take a vacation.

203. Well, bye.

204. See you.

205. Places, everybody!

206. Sorry, guys. It's looking great, really.

207. You guys are doing great.

208. And action!

209. God, is that him?

210. Aah! Aah! Aah!

211. Hey, hey, I'm sorry about that, guys.

212. You know how kids get,

213. immature, trying to get in front of the camera.

214. I'm sorry, man.

215. Ok, sorry, guys. Really, I am.

216. Monday, right?

217. Monday.

218. And action!

219. oh, no, no. I'm sorry.

220. What do you think you're doing?

221. I was trying to get up to my room.

222. Todd, what was you doing?

223. I was trying to be in the video.

224. Come on, man. Don't worry about it.

225. This is my house.

226. You want to be in a video, you go rob a liquor store.

227. They'll be no more interruptions.

228. You've got my word.

229. Action!

230. party machine. This is will.

231. Party machine?

232. Oh, I'm sorry, aunt viv. Did I say party machine?

233. I meant, banks' residence.

234. Master William speaking.

235. Who's playing that loud music?

236. Loud music?

237. Give me the phone, Vivian.

238. Will, what's going on?

239. Oh, Uncle Phil. That's the TV. Um...

240. Carlton's watching an educational documentary

241. on—on, uh... Uh, loud music.

242. What's that music I hear?

243. Uh...

244. That's the television.

245. Your aunt's watching I dream of Jeannie.

246. Uh... Look, we're going to be home tonight.

247. Wait, hold up.

248. I thought y'all said you was coming back Monday.

249. We were, but some big shot in the suite next door

250. has been tying up the hotel staff all weekend.

251. The service has been terrible.

252. So tell everyone we'll be back tonight.

253. Great, great, great. I—I'll see you tonight.

254. Ok, that's a wrap. Everybody out.

255. You ain't got to go home, but you gotta get the hell out of here.

256. Will, come on. These people paid to use our house.

257. Let's be a little courteous.

258. Aunt viv and Uncle Phil aren't coming home Monday.

259. They're coming home tonight.

260. N-not Monday?

261. Not Monday.

262. Ok. That's a wrap. Everybody out!

263. You ain't gotta go home, but you got to get the hell out of here!

264. Fellas, relax. We got one more shot,

265. then we'll bring everything in from outside.

266. All right. That's cool.

267. I—is that rain?

268. Ok. I can't breathe.

269. Hey, I'll only be here one day.

270. They'll only be here one day.

271. The titansank in one day.

272. The hindenburg blew up in one day.

273. The entire city of Pompeii

274. was covered in molten lava in one day.

275. Ok. I can't breathe.

276. Relax, babe. Trust me.

277. Everything will be fine when the cleaning crew gets here on Monday.

278. Man, how many times do I got to tell you?

279. My Uncle's coming back tonight.

280. Bubeleh, talk to your cousin hilary.

281. She's the one who signed the contract.

282. If you'll excuse me, I have a phone call I gotta make.

283. I'm glad I don't live here.

284. Boy, I'm glad I don't live here.

285. So am I. I'm gonna have to move into your crib

286. when my Uncle Phil bowls my butt down the driveway.

287. Oh, man, chill out. This is easy.

288. All you need is a little paint, elbow grease...

289. Everybody pulling together,

290. I'm telling you, the place is going to look dope.

291. You're right. Thanks a lot.

292. Come on, let's get busy.

293. Hold, I plan to, but not here.

294. See, the fly honeys invited me to the wrap party.

295. Later, man.

296. Hilary, hilary, look, we got big problems.

297. My God, Geoffrey needs to clean up around here.

298. Uh-oh.

299. I wonder which one of you dad will kill first.

300. It's 4:00 now. They'll be back at 9:00.

301. We'll never get this place together by then.

302. Look, look, look, look...

303. Let's not panic.

304. Come on, here's the plan.

305. Hilary, take $2,000 and you go get a new couch.

306. Carlton, you shut up and take care of the floors.

307. I think I can salvage the rug.

308. And, Ashley, I want you to take care of painting.

309. I'm not painting.

310. I didn't have anything to do with this.

311. I seem to recall a certain sunshine trooper

312. trying to get her car theft badge.

313. Oh. Heh.

314. Latex or enamel?

315. Oh, Philip, this weekend has been so wonderful.

316. Even if we had gone to the convention,

317. spending time alone with you would have been worth it.

318. We can stay an extra day.

319. Oh, no need to.

320. I'm taking home the red veil.

321. Well, I'm taking home the belly jewel.

322. Why?

323. Because I can't get it out.

324. This is Mr. Banks in the bedouin suite.

325. Could you send the bellboy up to help with our bags, please?

326. What do you mean he's next door?

327. Fine. Never mind. We'll do it ourselves.

328. This is ridiculous.

329. That big shot has kept the entire hotel staff busy all weekend.

330. Caesar?

331. It's time to invade Alexandria.

332. Coming, Alexandria.

333. No. No.

334. Oh, you got the floor buffer.

335. Come on, turn it on.

336. Not so fast.

337. A wise man always reads the instruction manual first.

338. "Page 1—welcome to the wonderful world of buffing.

339. First take a moment to familiarize yourself with your buffo-matic."

340. Hey, can I see that for a second?

341. Sure.

342. Now, come on, Einstein. I'll plug it in.

343. "Make sure buffer is off before plugging in."

344. "Do not use near water."

345. This is your final boarding call for flight 32 to Los Angeles at gate 7.

346. Ok, over there.

347. So how do you like the couch?

348. It's great. When does the rest of it get here?

349. When we rearrange the room, nobody's going to even notice.

350. I think Uncle Phil will notice when he stands up

351. and it's stuck to his butt.

352. Hilary, take it back and get the exact same couch.

353. Ok, but it's going to be another $2,500

354. including delivery.

355. Wait. What are you talking about?

356. It only cost 2 grand in the first place.

357. Tell them.

358. I will.

359. I think I need to have a couple words with y'all.

360. Uh, don't let nobody tell you big people can't wear plaid.

361. What, you have a Patti LA belle nightmare?

362. Will, you wouldn't look good either

363. if you had your head stuck out a sunroof

364. going 90 Miles an hour holding onto a rug.

365. Relax. Burt Reynolds does it every morning on his way to work.

366. We would've been here sooner

367. only we were stuck behind some idiot with a flying carpet.

368. I'm the idiot.

369. Very good, Carlton. That's the first step— admitting it.

370. All right, we pulled it off, man.

371. How much money we got left?

372. Well, according to my calculations,

373. we're in the hole by $80,

374. which means you each owe me 20.

375. Will you take cash?

376. Sure.

377. We're home!

378. Oh, go, go, go.

379. How was the convention? Did you bring me anything?

380. Yeah—a mother with a big smile on her face.

381. Hi, baby.

382. Hey... Aunt viv.

383. Hey, Uncle Phil. I didn't hear y'all come in.

384. Well, you all ready to read the Bible?

385. Again?

386. Well, I am pleasantly surprised.

387. I came home expecting a catastrophe.

388. I'm happy to see I was wrong.

389. I'm going upstairs to unpack.

390. Philip, are you coming?

391. I'll be up in a minute.

392. Good night, kids.

393. Good night, daddy.

394. I'll get our bags packed. Ashley, you drive.

395. Oh, Philip, this weekend has been—

396. oh, lord.

397. That's my wife. Come, baby.

398. Caesar, it's time to invade Alexandria.

399. Coming, Alexandria.