The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 1, Episode 9

Directed by Jeff Melman

Bo Jackson as Himself • Gina Ravera as Cheryl • Tim Russ as Eugene • Malcolm-Jamal Warner as Eric • Samm-Art Williams as Thug

Carlton and Will, babe magnets. Who will be first to get a date for Hilary's Halloween party?

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1. Aah!

2. I told them you were awake.

3. Happy Birthday, Geoffrey.

4. Oh, my.

5. I'm so touched.

6. May I get you anything?

7. Geoffrey, don't be silly.

8. You're always worried about pleasing us,

9. but today is Saturday, we're home,

10. and we're waiting on you.

11. This is highly irregular.

12. I don't want to hear it.

13. Today, we're your butlers.

14. Here's breakfast in bed.

15. Is there anything else you'd like?

16. A spot of tea.

17. Carlton.

18. Will.

19. Ashley.

20. Hilary.

21. I'll get the tea.

22. Would you like anything with that?

23. Geoffrey, relax. It's your birthday.

24. We're going to do all of your most hated chores.

25. But I don't hate any of my chores.

26. Well, we do.

27. Are you going to do

28. anything special for your birthday?

29. Most assuredly, miss Ashley.

30. Tonight, I'll be enjoying a BBC broadcast

31. of Gilbert and Sullivan's h.M.S. Pinafore,

32. followed by a penetrating interview by David frost.

33. Ooh!

34. And they say the man can't party.

35. Before we get you your tea,

36. there's something else we'd like to do for you.

37. Carlton, put away that tired old kazoo, please.

38. Get busy for me one time, skinny a.

39. did you see Geoffrey's face? He just lit up.

40. I never thought I'd say this,

41. but it feels really good

42. to do something for somebody else.

43. Aren't we supposed to make him some tea?

44. Oh, right.

45. Ashley, honey, how'd you like to go introduce

46. Mr. Tea bag and Mr. Teapot to Mr. Boiling water?

47. Hilary, how'd you like to make the tea

48. before I take away Mr. Allowance?

49. Mother, please! Don't talk down to me.

50. I know what I'm getting g for his birthday.

51. What?

52. Let me give you a hint.

53. Little Richard?

54. Oh, shut up!

55. No, no. I want to hook Geoffrey up with a woman

56. so he can get busy.

57. I think Geoffrey's busy enough,

58. what with all his chores.

59. You don't get it.

60. Look, it's Geoffrey's birthday,

61. and he's just staying up in the batcave

62. listening to his radio.

63. Straight up, the man's depressed.

64. No, he's not depressed. He's British.

65. It's the man's birthday. Leave him alone.

66. If Geoffrey's interested, there's nothing wrong

67. in introducing him to a nice woman.

68. Oh, here she goes.

69. What goes?

70. Vivian seems to think she's a matchmaker.

71. In her mind, she's the Chuck woolery of bel-air.

72. It's not just my opinion.

73. When I was in college,

74. I introduced three couples.

75. They all got married.

76. By your fifth reunion, they were all divorced.

77. I just get them to the altar.

78. After that, they're on their own.

79. People, people, please!

80. I don't want to hear your dirty laundry.

81. Geoffrey deserves a woman interested

82. in a serious, long-lasting relationship,

83. and I know exactly where to find her.

84. The mall!

85. Wait till Geoffrey sees this.

86. When I'm done, he won't have to Polish this for a month.

87. I can see myself.

88. Well, I can't.

89. Stay smooth.

90. Don't pucker.

91. Oh!

92. Hillary, what's the problem.

93. I've never wrapped a present before.

94. Geoffrey's always wrapped my presents.

95. Geoffrey.

96. You can't ask him wrap his own present.

97. Oh, I guess, that's another one of those unwritten rules.

98. Man!

99. Two hours at the mall,

100. and I ain't get no girls.

101. What did you expect?

102. You went with girl-away there.

103. For your information, hilary,

104. jazz here happens to be the master

105. when it comes to cracking on the girls.

106. The boy is irresistible.

107. Sure, maybe during a blackout.

108. I'd love to get ahold of you during a blackout.

109. Daddy.

110. Aah!

111. Ahh, that's better.

112. Now, where were we?

113. In honor of Geoffrey's birthday,

114. we are preparing an incredible feast.

115. Beef stroganoff, potatoes au gratin,

116. and apple brown Betty.

117. It sounds delicious. When will it be ready?

118. 55 seconds. Tell us when to zap it.

119. Put a hold on dinner, please?

120. I'm trying to find Geoffrey a girl.

121. The words "mission impossible" come to mind.

122. I know someone.

123. Really?

124. You know my friend Samantha?

125. Maybe I should explain

126. some of the finer points

127. of the law to you.

128. I was going to say,

129. Samantha has this sweet nanny

130. who just came from england.

131. She says Helen has nothing to do.

132. She sits in her room at night knitting.

133. I smell a match.

134. How long has this nanny been in America?

135. Two weeks.

136. Perfect. A lonely woman, new to our country.

137. She probably won't notice what a Melvin Geoffrey is.

138. Yo, Geoffrey!

139. Hey, Ashley, you go invite her.

140. The rest of y'all beat it.

141. You bellowed, master William?

142. I've been thinking about it.

143. I'm not down with you being lonely on your birthday.

144. I shall be far from lonely.

145. I shall be spending the evening

146. with the glorious music

147. of sir William Gilbert and sir Arthur Sullivan,

148. not to mention David frost.

149. Well, so far, I count you plus three guys.

150. I just thought you might prefer a woman.

151. I'm not making too big an assumption here, am I?

152. As it happens, I like women just fine,

153. but I think it's a bad idea

154. for a Butler to intertwine his private life

155. with that of the family.

156. Surely, you gleaned that much

157. from watching Mr. Belvedere.

158. But, g, there's this nice old British nanny Ashley knows.

159. She wants to go out with you.

160. Sorry, master William.

161. But Ashley already invited her.

162. What?

163. I told her that was pushy, but you know kids.

164. This is just regrettable.

165. It ain't so bad, g.

166. I mean, it's your patriotic duty

167. to show your countrywoman a good time.

168. G, don't do it for yourself.

169. Do it for the king.

170. Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint king Elizabeth.

171. Helen is going to be here any minute.

172. Baby, hook it up.

173. I'm hooking as fast as I can.

174. Don't be such a wanker.

175. What are you going to wear?

176. Voil.

177. Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

178. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

179. Come on, g. Hilary's taking you and Helen

180. to the fliest club in L.A.

181. Jazz is the d.J. There.

182. He said the place is all of that.

183. All what?

184. Look, look, forget it.

185. I don't think you understand, man.

186. You got a kind of a Ben vereen thing going here.

187. Come on, baby. You got to dress funkier than that.

188. Funkier?

189. There.

190. Pure, unadulterated funk.

191. All right, look, g,

192. forget about looking cool.

193. Let's concentrate on acting cool.

194. Don't talk to me about cool.

195. During the seventies, I was briefly employed

196. as led zeppelin's road Butler.

197. When the music starts pumping

198. and it's time to get on the dance floor,

199. this is what you do.

200. Now you give it a try.

201. I would be most happy to, master William,

202. but to my knowledge,

203. hell has not yet frozen over.

204. Oh, madam, sir.

205. A round trip ticket to england.

206. Thank you.

207. You can see your family.

208. Yes, I suppose I should drop in on them.

209. This is from Ashley and me.

210. I paid the lion's share.

211. Happy Birthday, Geoffrey.

212. English leather.

213. English toffee.

214. An English muffin.

215. That sounds like my present, g,

216. but I'll leave the unwrapping to you.

217. Will, must you be so ribald?

218. I won't answer that

219. without a lawyer and a dictionary.

220. I'll get Helen.

221. Here's my present, Geoffrey.

222. Happy Birthday.

223. I wrapped it myself.

224. Thank you, miss hilary.

225. Oh...

226. This is most generous.

227. I know I boss you around too much.

228. Maybe this makes up for it.

229. You could also stop bossing him around.

230. O.K., then I'll keep the sweater.

231. He's right this way, Helen.

232. Happy Birthday, g.

233. Get ready to have your candles blown out.

234. Geoffrey, I'd like you to meet

235. Samantha's nanny, Helen Carter.

236. Helen, meet Geoffrey.

237. Charmed.

238. Nice to meet you.

239. From the children's description,

240. I thought you'd be older.

241. Ditto.

242. And this is my mom, my dad,

243. hilary, will, and Carlton.

244. You can call me Tony.

245. What are you trying to pull, Tony the tiger?

246. I didn't start it.

247. Did you see the way she looked at me?

248. Share the fantasy, Carlton.

249. I was just trying to be friendly.

250. Park your welcome wagon elsewhere, homes.

251. That's Geoffrey's date.

252. She'll be dancing with him,

253. but she'll be thinking of me.

254. So, uh, Helen,

255. I'm will.

256. Welcome to our humble crib.

257. Ashley, this must be

258. that houseboy you talked about.

259. That's homeboy, Helen.

260. Oh.

261. Oh, sorry.

262. I'm glad you're here tonight, Helen.

263. This is working out just beautifully.

264. You two look so wonderful together.

265. How many lives do you have to ruin, Vivian?

266. Helen, what part of england are you from?

267. Allow me, miss hilary.

268. You can tell a lot from a person's accent.

269. You're from London, of course.

270. Of course.

271. I'm guessing west end.

272. Why, yes.

273. Chilton road?

274. That's right.

275. Upstairs above shrimpton and Sutton's?

276. Close. One more block up, next to bottomley's.

277. Well, it has been awhile.

278. Oh, isn't this cute?

279. You have so much in common.

280. You both speak English.

281. And to this day, it remains the largest rhino

282. ever to be taken with a bow and arrow.

283. Geoffrey, this is fascinating.

284. It's like going out with James Bond.

285. You're not the first to have made that comparison.

286. Well, I'm going to go mingle.

287. The "a" list turned out tonight.

288. Really?

289. Look. That's tom cruise's pool cleaner,

290. and that's Cher's electrolysist,

291. and that's Heather Locklear.

292. Hey, beautiful, I see you've come to make up.

293. What's with the band-aid?

294. Was your brain leaking?

295. I hit the pavement hard when your dad tossed me.

296. You could call it a love scar.

297. Perhaps I haven't been clear before.

298. I don't like talking to you.

299. I don't like seeing you.

300. So please, just go away.

301. I love a flirt.

302. Will, what are you doing here?

303. Leave Geoffrey and Helen alone.

304. What do you think I am?

305. I'm here merely to hang out

306. with my good friend jazz.

307. While you're here, hose him down.

308. I got to run.

309. There's demi Moore's cable man.

310. Yo, j, what up, baby?

311. Yeah.

312. Your cousin's really starting to warm up to me.

313. Yeah, right.

314. What's wrong with you?

315. Peep out that babe g's with.

316. You mean wonder woman?

317. I got the worst luck in the world.

318. All the babes in bel-air been whacked, right?

319. I follow you so far.

320. I hook g up with an old British nanny,

321. it turns out to be her.

322. She don't look old to me.

323. I know, jazz. She's perfect.

324. Homey, I'm in love.

325. G didn't want to go out with her

326. in the first place.

327. I don't know what you do in Philly,

328. but in L.A., we don't give that stuff away.

329. I don't know what you do in L.A.,

330. but in Philly, you crack someone's honey, you get killed.

331. I don't know about Philly,

332. but in L.A., we're man enough to take that risk.

333. Yo, brother, you want to take this outside?

334. Calm down, man. Listen.

335. Tell me, how's your Butler dance?

336. Like he dresses. Why?

337. I'll throw on some house music,

338. he'll leave the dance floor,

339. you pick up the pieces.

340. We got a brother here tonight.

341. He's celebrating his birthday.

342. He's my main man Geoffrey.

343. Clear the dance floor,

344. and let him and his lady get busy.

345. Well, Helen,

346. care to cut a rug?

347. Smashing.

348. Like an angel in flight.

349. Yeah, he is better than I thought he'd be.

350. Hey, hey, they're doing the lambada.

351. That's the forbidden dance.

352. Hey!

353. It's like this, right?

354. Mississippi burning, right?

355. I'm getting that feeling of déj vu.

356. Aah!

357. Vivian, I'm trying to concentrate

358. could you turn that down, please.

359. I'm sorry, honey. Maybe this will help.

360. Saturday night, we always used to go out dancing.

361. Maybe, we could do some in-house dancing.

362. Awww!

363. What are you doing home?

364. Yo man, I sorta bounced home.

365. They threw me outta the club.

366. Why?

367. It all started when, Geoffrey started doing the lambada.

368. Geoffrey does a lambada?

369. That's the forbidden dance.

370. You guys missed the night of the year

371. Geoffrey, is an amazing dancer. He was doing backflips.

372. Backflips?

373. Isn't he cute?

374. Goodnight, Geoffrey.

375. Goodnight, miss Hillary.

376. So, I think we'll go up too.

377. Goodnight everyone. And thanks for a loverly birthday.

378. Yo, g?

379. Yes?

380. Hold on.

381. Um...

382. I shouldn't have busted your groove at the club, man.

383. And, uh, I guess what I want to say is,

384. it's all jazz's fault, man.

385. Sit down, lad.

386. Master William,

387. for you, birthdays are times to paint the town red.

388. But for me, it's a time of reflection,

389. a time to review one's successes and regrets.

390. One of my regrets has always been

391. that I never had a son.

392. I have so much advice for the next generation,

393. but no one to tell it to.

394. Ooh, look at the time.

395. Whew!

396. Boy, I'm bushed.

397. Sit, William.

398. My boy,

399. a man is much more

400. than the job he holds

401. or the clothes he wears.

402. For example, if I were to judge you by your costume,

403. I'd guess you were some kind of circus performer.

404. That's pretty cool, g.

405. But you made the same assumptions about me.

406. You assumed I was lonely.

407. You assumed I couldn't comport myself

408. at a night spot.

409. You assumed I was a poor dancer.

410. I hope tonight's events have proved to you

411. that I am, as the saying goes,

412. a fairly fly individual.

413. Well, uh, Helen sure thinks so.

414. Ah, Helen.

415. She's certainly a hot little number,

416. but I'm afraid she and I were mismatched.

417. She was too young for you?

418. Quite the contrary.

419. I was a little too intimidating

420. for the poor girl.

421. She's looking for someone a little slower,

422. a little less sophisticated.

423. I could be slower.

424. I'm sure I could be less sophisticated.

425. She sensed that.

426. Here's her phone number.

427. She's expecting your call.

428. It isn't important that I got the date with Helen.

429. The important thing is,

430. I learned to appreciate Geoffrey

431. as a human being,

432. and Geoffrey and I have a deeper relationship.