1. What dog did he steal that
sweater from?
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2. Probably his wife.
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3. Good God, who shot the couch?
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4. Give her a break, hilary.
She just won the Kentucky derby.
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5. Who's that lady with Nell
Carter?
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6. That's not Nell Carter. That's
my father!
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7. God, you're so shallow.
I hate you.
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8. You're stupid and ugly
and I wish you would die.
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9. - Sorry.
- Okay.
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10. Look at her!
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11. Brake! Hit the brake, will!
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12. - What in the hell are you doing?
- I'm sorry. It ain't my fault.
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13. I panicked.
That squirrel came out of
nowhere.
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14. Philip, I'll call the manager
and have him remove the cart.
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15. Oh, let's just draw more
attention
to ourselves.
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16. - Get in the cart, Vivian.
- No.
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17. I'm sorry, Mr. Banks,
but no golf carts in the dining
room.
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18. You've certainly made a name
at this country club.
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19. I wouldn't be surprised if they
revoked
our shuffleboard privileges.
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20. That's fine with me.
This place is wack. I'm out of
here.
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21. Hold up.
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22. Special bulletin. Hormones to
will.
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23. Hold up yourself, will.
That's Mimi mumford.
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24. You can't get to first base with
her
unless you impress her father.
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25. He's an eminent surgeon,
a championship polo player...
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26. And around these parts,
he's known as Dr. No.
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27. - Why do they call him that?
- Because he never says "yes."
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28. No young man is good enough
for his daughter.
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29. He ain't gonna have a chance to
tell me no
'cause I ain't gonna ask.
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30. Mimi, if you're not busy on
Friday night...
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31. Would you like to accompany me
to the apple blossom ball?
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32. No.
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33. What's your name, boy?
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34. What school do you go to?
What college are you applying
to?
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35. What's your career plans?
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36. I'm just a sophomore, sir.
I don't really know yet.
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37. Out of here, son. You disgust
me.
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38. So, what kind of guy
does Dr. No say yes to?
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39. Fellas with good grades,
good manners, good looks.
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40. In a word, me.
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41. So why haven't you made your
move
on miss Mimi?
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42. Not my type. Doesn't tickle my
fancy.
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43. Well, she can tickle mine.
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44. If only wishing made it so.
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45. Let's face it, will.
You lack the social graces...
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46. To impress someone like Dr. No.
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47. Boy, you must be on dog food.
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48. I am the most handsome,
the most intelligent...
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49. And unequivocally the most
flamboyant bachelor since Billy
Dee.
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50. This isn't west Philly, will.
It's bel-air.
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51. And the women here are
different.
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52. I guarantee you Dr. No will say
no.
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53. - Yeah? I bet he won't.
- I bet he will.
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54. - I bet he won't.
- I'll bet he will.
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55. Who says the art of conversation
is dead?
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56. All right, will.
You think you can be a
gentleman?
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57. How do you propose on going
about it?
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58. Carlton, it's very easy to be a
geek.
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59. All I have to do
is follow you around for a day.
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60. It isn't as easy as it looks.
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61. And with your father's
permission...
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62. I'd love to escort you to
the apple blossom ball.
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63. I had no idea you two
were getting along so well.
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64. What's going on here, Carlton?
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65. Will's got a thing for Mimi
mumford...
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66. So I'm teaching him how to be
a perfect gentleman.
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67. I want a piece of this.
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68. Observe, will,
this is how a perfect
gentleman...
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69. Talks to a young lady.
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70. "Say there, Mimi...
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71. "Might I say that you rate a
perfect 10
on my niftiness meter?"
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72. I don't think so.
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73. Uncle Phil, how did you used
to crack on the girlies?
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74. What I'm about to tell you
is going to change your life
forever.
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75. - Are you listening?
- Yeah.
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76. First, I take her hand...
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77. Then I stroke it gently but
imperceptibly...
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78. Look deep into her eyes,
blow gently in her ear...
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79. Let my mouth curl up into a
smile...
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80. Make a low, rumbling, hypnotic
sound.
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81. Philip, that's what you did
on our first date.
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82. - That's right.
- You're lucky you got a second
one.
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83. Allow me, sir.
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84. Certainly, Geoffrey,
if you think you can do any
better.
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85. Mademoiselle.
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86. My life was but a mere whisper
until you entered into it.
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87. Whether it was chance or blind
fate...
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88. Or kismet, if you will,
that brought us together...
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89. I would be remiss to let this
moment pass
without telling you...
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90. How deeply you have affected
the very core of my being.
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91. Baby!
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92. - The fish knife.
- Yeah, right.
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93. No, it is right. He got it
right.
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94. - He got it right!
- He did?
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95. Get your own geisha.
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96. Excuse me, master Carlton.
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97. - You were saying?
- Will, he picked out the fish
knife.
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98. Will, I want you
to pay very close attention.
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99. Which one is the shrimp fork?
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100. By George, I think he's got it.
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101. I think he's got it.
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102. Where did he get that jacket?
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103. Probably off the rack.
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104. - Did you hear about his Jaguar?
- The one he bought secondhand?
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105. Okay, just remember
you're from Connecticut...
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106. You're transferred to bel-air
academy,
and you row on the crew team.
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107. Now, where did you transfer
from?
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108. Bend over.
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109. It's andover. We're going back
home.
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110. I was joking, man. Relax. Hook
it up.
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111. I beg your pardon, Dr. Mumford.
I have a friend who's new in
town.
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112. He's the new star on the crew
team.
Would you like to meet him?
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113. No.
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114. I respect your wishes, sir...
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115. But I'd just like to say kudos
on that polo match. Super form.
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116. You saw it, huh?
Excuse me. I didn't get your
name.
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117. Smithers, sir. Kip Smithers.
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118. Have a seat, Smithers.
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119. - May I join you, sir?
- No.
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120. What school do you go to?
What college have you applied
to?
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121. What's your career plans?
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122. Bel-air academy, Princeton,
and thoracic surgery, sir.
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123. Thoracic surgery. That's my
field.
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124. What aspect of it interests you
the most?
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125. The cutting part.
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126. That's the part I like, too.
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127. Listen, I'm glad you're a fan of
polo.
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128. I have a very fine string of
Arabians.
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129. Really? With turbans and
everything?
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130. Very funny, Smithers.
You had me there for a moment.
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131. I thought you were a blithering
idiot.
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132. There's my daughter.
Would you like to meet her?
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133. Gosh, sir.
There's a big question mark on
that one.
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134. I seem to be painfully shy
with the fairer sex.
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135. Nonsense.
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136. - Hi, daddy.
- Poodles.
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137. There is someone I'd like you to
meet.
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138. Mimi, kip Smithers.
Varsity crew from bel-air.
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139. A gentleman and a scholar
and soon to be a fine surgeon.
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140. You flatter me, sir.
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141. I'll just leave the two of you
alone.
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142. - Mimi—
- look, before you get
yourself...
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143. All worked up into a lather,
I just would like to say this.
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144. I am sick of you
white-washed, preppy stuffed
shirts.
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145. What?
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146. I don't need some stooge
who's going to play up to my
father.
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147. I want a real man.
Someone dangerous. Someone
exciting.
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148. Someone from the streets.
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149. - What's so funny?
- Yo, baby.
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150. Your prince is in effect, baby.
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151. I'm not down with this preppy
nonsense.
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152. Carlton told me to do this.
I'm definitely straight out the
'hood.
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153. That was the worst homeboy act
I've ever heard.
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154. It's not an act. It's the real
deal.
Yo, c! Come here!
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155. Mimi. Kip.
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156. Carlton, would you please tell
her
who I really am?
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157. - Who you really are?
- Yes.
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158. He's kip Smithers, from
Connecticut.
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159. He transferred from andover to
bel-air,
so he could row with the crew.
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160. No. Tell her where I'm really
from.
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161. England?
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162. For future reference, will,
our club frowns on
strangulation.
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163. This is all your fault.
You got me into this mess.
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164. - Me.
- Yeah!
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165. This preppy nonsense.
I knew women didn't like that
mess.
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166. If I would've had my way,
I would've had my way.
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167. Congratulate me.
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168. To wear to
the save the everglades rally
tonight.
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169. - Will has a crush on Mimi
mumford.
- That fat girl?
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170. Mimi is not fat.
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171. Not today. Liposuction.
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172. She's been vacuumed more times
than a hooked rug.
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173. She looks good now, right?
I don't see your point.
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174. Just wave a chili-cheese dog
in front of her nose...
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175. And see how much of your arm
you come back with.
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176. Will.
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177. So, how did it go with Mimi
mumford?
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178. He struck out.
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179. Okay, will, you've taken advice
from Carlton, from Philip, and
Geoffrey...
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180. But you have not gone
to the most logical source:
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181. The woman of the house.
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182. Before I was married,
I had my share of admirers.
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183. A sorrier bunch of deadbeats
you'll never meet.
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184. The ones that I was most
attracted to...
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185. Were the ones who were secure
enough
to just be themselves.
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186. And that's my advice to you.
Just be yourself.
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187. Thanks, aunt viv.
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188. So, will, are you going
to take mom's advice?
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189. Man, you got to be crazy.
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190. Mimi wants a street-wise,
harley, bad-to-the-bones type
guy, man.
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191. If I could show her that I'm
dangerous,
I'll have her like that.
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192. I'll bet you wouldn't.
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193. - I bet I would.
- I'll bet you wouldn't.
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194. - I bet you wouldn't.
- I bet you would.
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195. See, I fooled you.
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196. Remember, I'm wanted in five
states...
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197. I'm hiding out from the police
for robbing a gun store...
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198. - And what did I do before then?
- You went to penn state.
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199. I went to the state pen.
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200. Sorry. I thought penn state
was bad enough.
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201. Mimi, top of the evening.
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202. Carlton, for the 900th time,
no, I will not go out with you.
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203. - I thought you said she wasn't
your type.
- She isn't. She's too negative.
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204. I'm not here for that.
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205. Although if you just gave it
some objective thought—
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206. anyway, I'm here for him.
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207. Does he need to go to the
bathroom?
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208. No, he's just being his bad
self.
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209. What you saw before was just a
charade.
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210. Kip is his street name.
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211. K-I-p. It stands for conceived
in prison.
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212. He's my cousin...
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213. And he's from the
bedford-stuyvesant
region of Brooklyn...
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214. Wherein he is a felon.
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215. Okay. Then what's he doing here
in bel-air?
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216. He's living with us to escape,
and I quote, "the man."
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217. Voilà.
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218. I thought you said he rode crew.
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219. No, baby. You misunderstood.
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220. He said I wrote for the 2 live
crew.
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221. But, see, they kicked me out
because my lyrics was too
abrasive.
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222. He's as nasty as he wants to be.
I kid you not.
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223. Baby. You look so good...
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224. I wish I could plant you
and grow a whole field of y'all.
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225. Yo, baby, fresh prince in full
effect.
It's time to get busy.
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226. You can't hay, can you, baby?
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227. You work on that, all right,
baby?
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228. Salutations, doctor.
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229. This is quite an intense
shindig, huh?
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230. Listen, I just want to find out
how things are going with Mimi.
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231. I'm having a little trouble
breaking the proverbial ice,
sir.
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232. I hope I don't embarrass myself,
being in your illustrious
presence and all.
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233. Don't worry. I'll just make
myself scarce...
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234. But, I do have one piece of
advice.
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235. - Be yourself.
- That's a natch, sir.
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236. This music is def, exceptionally
def.
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237. Carlton, beat it!
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238. I'm dope. Yo.
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239. What were you talking to my
father about?
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240. I told him if he don't stay out
my face,
we would take it to the street.
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241. Baby, you close your eyes
when you dance with me.
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242. Salutations yet again, doctor.
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243. Just a thought.
Mimi loves horses and you love
polo...
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244. I thought that might break the
ice.
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245. Thanks for the prescription,
doc.
Enough said.
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246. What were you talking to my
father about
this time?
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247. I wasn't listening to him, baby.
I was stealing his wallet.
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248. Kip, I'm so sorry
I didn't believe you before.
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249. I should have seen right through
that thin charade.
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250. Let's go someplace and get busy.
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251. Yes, ma'am.
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252. - But first, I want you to rap
for me.
- What?
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253. You know, let me hear some
of them abrasive lyrics.
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254. Okay, baby.
This one I got banned in buffalo
for.
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255. Smithers, what is the meaning
of that ridiculous hat?
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256. Who put this on my head?
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257. Daddy, isn't he funny?
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258. No. He disgusts me. Get out of
my sight.
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259. Wait a minute.
You can't talk to him like that,
daddy.
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260. He's practically a convicted
killer,
and I love him.
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261. A convicted killer? Who are you?
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262. All right, look.
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263. I'm not a young republican
from Connecticut...
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264. And I'm not a hood from
bed-stuy.
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265. I'm will Smith from west
Philly...
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266. And I've been busting my butt
all night
trying to impress you...
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267. And trying to scare you.
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268. And I'm exhausted.
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269. I'm going home, and I'm going to
sleep...
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270. Yo, baby.
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271. What's up?
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272. Miss hilary.
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273. Did you have a good time
at the save the everglades fund
raiser?
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274. Geoffrey, these events are not
about
having a good time.
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275. They're consciousness-raising
experiences.
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276. It's grim, grave, and very
sobering.
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277. - Tom cruise was near tears.
- Wasn't he gorgeous?
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278. So there I was, g,
then this real fly honey walked
by, right?
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279. So I decided I'll just be
myself.
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280. I said, "yo, baby." And she
loved me!
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281. - Then what happened?
- Well, then her husband came in.
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