The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 1, Episode 22

Directed by Jeff Melman

J.D. Hall as Charlie Mack • Angela Gordon as Gloria • Jeff Chayette as Louie • Hugh Dane as Fred Lomax Jr. • Michelle Simms as Michelle

Will crawls to Philip for help after sneaking out on the town and getting hustled by sleazy pool sharks.

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1. let's take five, guys.

2. Will, was that really necessary?

3. Oh, I'm sorry, Carlton.

4. You thought I was laughing at you?

5. That's what it sounded like.

6. No, no. See, when I laugh at you,

7. it's more like this...

8. Just for future reference.

9. Man, y'all butchered that song.

10. Hey, c, I'm telling you,

11. if the commodores heard you singing,

12. they'd run you over with the soul train.

13. You know, I can understand why you're threatened.

14. After all, you two possess absolutely no musical ability.

15. Face it, you're so jealous, you're green.

16. All right, but just out of curiosity, Carlton,

17. what color are you?

18. Oh, here we go again.

19. Just because I grew up in the best neighborhoods

20. and pronounce I-n-gs at the end of words,

21. doesn't make me any less black than you.

22. No. It's that tie that does it.

23. Face it, c, I'm telling you,

24. if you went down to jazz's neighborhood

25. looking the way you look

26. and talking the way you talk,

27. you wouldn't come home walking the way you walk.

28. And what neighborhood is that?

29. Com street.

30. And if you can make it there,

31. you'll make it anywhere.

32. I'd do just fine and dandy in com street,

33. thank you very much.

34. You know, talk is cheap.

35. What do you say to a bet?

36. Name it.

37. I'll bet you wouldn't last a day in com street.

38. O.K., and if I do,

39. you have to stop making those cheap shots at me.

40. I don't know. That's my whole reason for living.

41. Better make it two days.

42. Two days, piece of cake.

43. I guarantee, when I get to com street,

44. I'll fit right in.

45. damn, why didn't we bet money?

46. the working girl's poised for a promotion.

47. What's up?

48. I sold my first picture at the art gallery.

49. I might get a raise.

50. Excellent, miss hilary.

51. You must let me know what that feels like.

52. Carlton, if you want to go to com street,

53. go through with this.

54. I've never lied to my parents.

55. It even gave me the willies

56. when beaver used to do it.

57. Fine. Well, the bet's off, then.

58. Man, it's about to be diss-fest '91 around here.

59. And I feel one coming on now.

60. All right, all right, I'll do it.

61. Hi, aunt viv.

62. Hi, guys.

63. Hi, mom.

64. Uh, dad, did you sign

65. our permission slips yet?

66. Sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.

67. Two weeks ago,

68. will and I gave you a permission slip

69. for our field trip this weekend.

70. You said you'd sign it later.

71. It doesn't ring a bell.

72. Dad, you're always saying how important

73. these opportunities are.

74. When they come up, you completely ignore them.

75. It's like you don't even care.

76. Philip.

77. Oh... I remember.

78. Where are you going, baby?

79. Mr. Fels is talking the English class to San Francisco

80. to visit mark twain's house

81. and all the literary sites.

82. I don't know. I thought it was important.

83. Philip, how could you

84. forget something like that?

85. I didn't forget, Vivian.

86. Now, where did I put those permission slips?

87. Dad, don't bother looking.

88. I found it in the trash can,

89. underneath a banana.

90. Philip!

91. Honestly,

92. forgetting your son and nephew

93. like that.

94. Here you are, guys.

95. Thanks, dad.

96. Thanks a lot, Uncle Phil.

97. I mean, really, Philip,

98. I think you ought to review your priorities.

99. I'm going straight to hell.

100. Well, here we are, c.

101. Jazz's crib.

102. Crib—house, dwelling, domicile.

103. H-how did you know that?

104. Hip-hop flash cards?

105. I made them myself.

106. I've been cramming all night.

107. I hope I get it out of my head

108. before I take the s.A.T.S.

109. Yo, j.

110. Prince.

111. Sh... Sh...

112. Hi, roomie.

113. Ah...

114. That's called leaving me hanging

115. because my hand is literally left hanging in the air.

116. Aha, my brothers.

117. A-roof! A-roof!

118. Yo, I want you to meet boomps, vidal, and tiny.

119. My cousin Carlton.

120. A-roof!

121. What was that all about?

122. Well, where do I put my things?

123. Let me have my Butler get them.

124. Sorry.

125. I crack myself up.

126. You can put them on the floor,

127. but watch out for my carpet,

128. 'cause it's imported from persia.

129. I could do this all day.

130. Just take them to the bedroom.

131. Ah, well, now that Carlton's unpacked,

132. I could go for grub.

133. What do I do till you get back?

134. Well, let's see.

135. Ah.

136. Chill.

137. What's up?

138. Don't mind me. I'm here on a bet.

139. Give me a little time to acclimate myself.

140. Applegate? Sounds like a school word.

141. I don't like school words.

142. I can't applegate myself to them.

143. That's very funny.

144. It ain't supposed to be.

145. I don't like you.

146. That's a snap decision, isn't it?

147. You've hardly had time to form an opinion.

148. Oh, oh, that's real mature.

149. Everybody, put your hands in the air!

150. yo, fellas!

151. A-roof! A-roof!

152. Brother, want to buy a Gucci bag?

153. My sister already has about eight of them.

154. $20.

155. I'm really—

156. $2.00! 50 cents!

157. What are you talking about?

158. 20 cents.

159. That's not a real Gucci bag, is it?

160. Maybe it is. Maybe it ain't.

161. All right, look...

162. Homey.

163. You're never going to sell bags that way.

164. Maybe if you bought a well-tailored suit

165. and lost the earring,

166. you'd look like a real salesman.

167. And that grammar— sheesh!

168. What?

169. You suggesting

170. I don't know how to run my business?

171. Jazz, I just feel bad for Carlton, man.

172. What does he know about living in the 'hood?

173. I spent half the ride over

174. trying to convince him not to say dyn-o-mite!

175. I feel like I'm tossing him to the lions.

176. You know what I mean?

177. The Detroit lions still got those cheerleaders?

178. Open the door, man.

179. Yes, that's right.

180. You can buy property for no money down!

181. Yo, what's up?

182. Ca-Carlton...

183. What the hell are you wearing?

184. Yo, this?

185. Carlton, you look like a pirate.

186. Yo, stop frontin', you know this gear is chill.

187. Why are you talking like that?

188. Yo, how you playin' me, prince?

189. What?

190. You know, you dissin' me.

191. Come on, man, stop it!

192. Prince, lay off of him, man.

193. We like c-note.

194. C-note?

195. He was a little stiff,

196. but he's coming around.

197. Yeah. He's helping us with our business.

198. Hey, c-note, how do I figure my net worth?

199. Yo, how many times I got to tell you?

200. Write your questions down.

201. I'll hook you up later.

202. I'm sorry. That was rude of me, man.

203. Yo, we cool.

204. They love me.

205. Jazz, tell me that this isn't happening.

206. I don't know, prince.

207. I'm starting to like him, too.

208. Yo, c, I want to thank you for that tip.

209. I'm going to get me some of them douche marks.

210. That's deutsche marks.

211. Oh, o.K.

212. C-note, you still coming

213. to MacArthur park tomorrow night?

214. Yo, I'm with it.

215. Whoa, whoa, hold it, hold it.

216. You're going to MacArthur park at night?

217. Yeah. My squad's going to sell some Gucci bags.

218. It's a sales bonanza.

219. Sorry. There's no hip-hop word for sales bonanza.

220. C, I don't go to MacArthur park.

221. What's up, will?

222. Not man enough to swing with the brothers?

223. Get over here, man!

224. You have no idea what MacArthur park is like.

225. It's dangerous, man.

226. If there's any danger, I'll call the park rangers.

227. It's not that kind of park, boo-boo.

228. Listen, people get killed there.

229. You have no idea

230. what you're getting yourself into.

231. I know exactly what I'm getting into.

232. I'm tired of you talking down to me.

233. I'll win our bet.

234. You'll never make fun of me again.

235. The bet is off, Carlton.

236. Come on, let's go home.

237. Hey, leave c-note alone, man.

238. He ain't leaving till he does my taxes.

239. Yo.

240. I'm going to sleep on the floor.

241. When are Carlton and will coming home?

242. Any minute.

243. Ah, these two days have just flown right by.

244. You enjoyed having will out of the house

245. that much?

246. The closest I'll ever get to a bonus.

247. Yo, my squad, what's up?

248. Carlton?

249. What happened? Weren't you on your school trip?

250. I'm quitting school. That's for suckers.

251. Starting my own business.

252. I can get $20 for this China dog.

253. No, you won't!

254. $2.00.

255. Who's responsible for this?

256. Listen, I can explain!

257. Will...

258. Aah!

259. Daddy!

260. Stop it!

261. Stop it!

262. This is the police!

263. Carlton, come out with your hands up!

264. You'll never take me alive!

265. Aah! Aah! Aah!

266. Aah!

267. Uhh.

268. - Is hilary ready yet? - Would you like me to go get her?

269. Could you? I don't know what takes her so long...

270. We're never this late for church.

271. Has anybody seen Geoffrey this morning?

272. - No. Why? - Just wondering where he is.

273. Philip, his weekends are his own. It's none of our business where he goes.

274. Philip, his weekends are his own. It's none of our business where he goes.

275. Madam. I assumed you'd be in church by now.

276. Maybe you'd care to join us.

277. On reflection, perhaps I should.

278. I'm ready to go, but we can't drive too fast...

279. Because things haven't set yet.

280. If we hurry, we'll get there before the service starts...

281. - But we'll have to sit toward the back. - The back row?

282. The light is completely different there. I have to change.

283. Uncle Phil, aunt viv,

284. I'm glad I caught you.

285. Why aren't you in San Francisco?

286. Where's Carlton?

287. Before I tell you, Uncle Phil,

288. I just want to—

289. where's Carlton?

290. Com street.

291. What is he doing in Compton?

292. A very bad imitation of me.

293. What?

294. Look, he just started tripping, aunt vivs.

295. See, we had this bet

296. that he couldn't hang out in the 'hood.

297. He's taking it too far.

298. He's going to MacArthur park

299. to sell Korean Gucci bags.

300. MacArthur park!

301. Where is he right now?

302. He's down at jazz's crib.

303. I'm going down there and bringing my baby back.

304. Vivian! Vivian! Vivian!

305. Calm down.

306. Now, nobody's going anywhere...

307. Except will.

308. Will? That's me. Where I'm going?

309. You're going down to jazz's

310. and bring Carlton back here

311. by the time we're back from church.

312. See, I can't exactly do that, Uncle Phil.

313. Why not?

314. It's the way things work down in the 'hood.

315. If a brother comes between a brother and his brothers,

316. then that brother's considered a mother.

317. I'll tell you who's a mother—me.

318. I'm going there and bringing my baby back.

319. Vivian!

320. Put your earrings back on.

321. I don't care how this makes you look

322. to your friends.

323. I'm tired of bailing you out.

324. Why should I always be the heavy?

325. No. I'm in enough trouble as it is.

326. Vivian.

327. Carlton.

328. Shh! Grab a seat, man.

329. Dude's explaining variable rate mortgages.

330. Later. You got to come home.

331. I'm not leaving.

332. Listen, I called aunt viv

333. to tell her how we was doing in San Francisco.

334. She gave me bad news.

335. Geoffrey fell down the back steps, split his wig.

336. He's at the hospital.

337. Knock it off, will.

338. The whole family's at the hospital.

339. Do what you want. I'm going down there.

340. You're serious?

341. Yes!

342. C-note, you better go, man.

343. Yeah. Later. My condolences.

344. Great. Let's go.

345. Carlton!

346. Mom!

347. Aunt viv, what are you doing here?

348. I came to get my boy.

349. I can explain. We were on our way to San Francisco

350. when I remembered my sociology report—

351. don't even try, Carlton.

352. Will told me everything.

353. It was a bet.

354. A bet? I don't care.

355. You are not going to MacArthur park tonight.

356. In fact, none of you are going

357. to MacArthur park tonight.

358. Wait a minute.

359. Boy, do not test me.

360. Yes, ma'am.

361. Carlton, will, get your things.

362. I will be waiting downstairs in the car.

363. And another thing, this place is a disgrace!

364. You have a trash can, honey. Use it!

365. You went home

366. and told mom and dad?

367. You dimed him out.

368. I did the right thing.

369. Carlton was acting irresponsibly.

370. Carlton was acting what?

371. In cosby,

372. prince used a school word.

373. You 5-0'd your own cousin.

374. Yo, man, you getting soft.

375. Sellout.

376. Man, you about to catch an eye-jamming.

377. You're getting a little pale on us, ain't you?

378. My brother, you want to take this outside?

379. Yo, prince, chill out.

380. I can't let him say that stuff about me.

381. Maybe now you know what it feels like.

382. What's it like to be in this much trouble?

383. Why don't you ask will. He's been there before.

384. Well, they're going to do all the talking anyway...

385. So you just pretty much nod and say, "I'm sorry."

386. and cry if you can.

387. Have mom and dad talked to you yet?

388. No, but I think I heard Uncle Phil upstairs testing his belts out.

389. Look, guys, I know you're worried...

390. But earlier I was upstairs with mom and dad...

391. And even though they were initially upset...

392. Now I really think they'll overlook the whole thing.

393. Really?

394. What, are you kidding? They're going to kill you guys.

395. What, are you kidding? They're going to kill you guys.

396. All right, guys.

397. Stand up.

398. Stand up.

399. O.K., this is new.

400. They only way we're going to make it

401. is if we stick together.

402. Explain.

403. It's all Carlton's fault.

404. Will started it.

405. You got there and started tripping.

406. You made the bet!

407. It was your idea in the first place!

408. Hold it!

409. I am ashamed of you two.

410. Not only did you lie to us,

411. you put yourselves in danger for a stupid bet.

412. We weren't in real danger.

413. Well, you are now.

414. Uncle Phil, at this juncture,

415. I just want to ask,

416. is, like, one of us in any more trouble

417. than the other?

418. Will, you started this whole thing.

419. I'm sorry, aunt viv.

420. I'm sorry. How many times will we hear that?

421. When are you going to start taking responsibility

422. for your actions?

423. When are you going to grow up, boy?

424. I'm sorry, aunt viv.

425. Will, sit down.

426. None of this would have happened

427. if you hadn't insisted

428. on making fun of your cousin.

429. For a person who says,

430. "I wish people would let me act the way I want,"

431. you're awfully hard on Carlton.

432. That was my point.

433. That's no excuse. Just because will teases you,

434. you have to do something this foolish?

435. I had to show him I had the courage to survive there.

436. That's not courage.

437. Courage is being the way you are,

438. no matter what anybody says.

439. Will teases me,

440. but you don't see me going,

441. "yo, yo, yo, homey, yo."

442. There's no "yo" at the end of it.

443. I'm pretty sure of it.

444. I'm glad you had such a fun time down in the 'hood,

445. because we're going to have a fun time

446. dreaming up your punishment.

447. Peace out.

448. I'm going to go test the lock on my door.

449. Good night, Carlton.

450. What do you mean, good night?

451. This is my time to gloat.

452. Gloat?

453. I won the bet.

454. I humiliated you in front of your peers.

455. Plus, you said I couldn't handle com street,

456. and I did.

457. I'd say it's time to gloat.

458. Good night, Carlton.

459. See, you're just embarrassed

460. because I beat you at your own game.

461. I never judge you for being how you are,

462. but you always act like I don't measure up

463. to some rule of blackness that you carry around.

464. You don't judge me?

465. You do everything but carry a big old gavel around.

466. You treat me like some kind of idiot

467. just 'cause I talk different.

468. Differently.

469. Good night, Carlton.

470. Just so I don't need to tell you later—

471. I won the bet.

472. No, you did not.

473. Yes, I did.

474. Our bet was you'd spend the weekend on com street,

475. and you didn't.

476. Because you got me.

477. If I hadn't, you'd have gotten killed.

478. And why was that important to you?

479. Pff! It wasn't.

480. Yes, it was.

481. Admit it, will. You care about me.

482. I do not.

483. Yes, you do. You like me.

484. You like having me around.

485. Carlton, take it back, man.

486. Face it.

487. You've just got to face it.

488. You love me.

489. My brother, you want to take this outside?