The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1x21

1. Are you guys just gonna watch TV all day?

2. Come on, Ashley, this is for school.

3. (man on TV) 'Our spokesmodel winner is Randy!'

4. - Yes! - Yes! Ah!

5. I knew she was going to win, man.

6. Look, I know you two haven't had dates in a while

7. but how desperate can you get?

8. Well, I know how desperate I can get.

9. How about you, Carl?

10. Sky's the limit.

11. I better go lock up my Barbies.

12. I-I don't know, Carlton, man.

13. It sure has been a long time since I had a girl.

14. Tell me about it.

15. Last Friday, the school nurse started looking good to me.

16. Yeah, man, there's something about how them

17. fat ankles roll over them squeaky white shoes.

18. Will you get ready for dinner?

19. This girl's going to be here any minute.

20. - Girl? - Girl?

21. Kayla Samuels.

22. She's a scholarship student

23. and she has so much potential.

24. She just needs to be pointed in the right direction.

25. - What's she like? - Oh, she's a lovely girl.

26. Red flag.

27. Yo, what's up?

28. Mom's speaking in the secret code

29. of mothers everywhere.

30. When she says, "Lovely girl"

31. that means, "Get out the milk bones."

32. Carlton, please, I'm just looking out for her.

33. And I want you and Will to make her feel welcome.

34. Uh, we will, Aunt Viv.

35. Besides, she's a darling girl

36. with a nice personality.

37. Uh-oh. I know that one.

38. What one?

39. "Nice personality"

40. means she's protected by Greenpeace.

41. What I meant was, Kayla's a very interesting girl.

42. She was a national merit scholar

43. captain of her math team

44. and president of her high school's French club.

45. Well, there you have it, Aunt Viv.

46. I mean, we wouldn't have nothing to talk about.

47. I'm not good at math, and I don't speak no French.

48. Miss Kayla Samuels.

49. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

50. So, Kayla, I understand you're from New York?

51. - That's right. - Oh, I love New York.

52. Fifth Avenue, the Plaza Hotel, Trump Tower.

53. - Where abouts are you from? - Harlem.

54. Oh.

55. Is it nice?

56. Kayla was valedictorian of her high school.

57. Then we have a lot in common. We're both honor students.

58. But we have more in common.

59. We're both attractive human beings of normal height.

60. - Dinner is served. - Thank you, Geoffrey.

61. So, uh, who's that English dude?

62. Oh, Geoffrey? Yeah, he's down with my posse.

63. You know, he cuts a nice fade, so I keep him around.

64. Well, don't that make you large.

65. Hoo-oo.

66. Will, what are you trying to do?

67. When you grow up, Carlton

68. we'll have to have that little talk.

69. Don't make me laugh.

70. You won't get to first base with her.

71. To borrow a phrase from your street lingo

72. she just hits you with a pretty hard disk.

73. The word is "diss."

74. Well, I don't care whether it's diss, dat, or the other thing.

75. Will, she goes to college. She's not a girl, she's a woman.

76. And they don't go out with high school boys.

77. But.. Look, maybe not out here

78. but Kayla and I are both straight out the 'hood, man.

79. Where we come from, age don't make no difference.

80. Seventeen, twenty-one, thirty-three

81. they're all in the same grade.

82. Professor Banks

83. I have to say that your Shakespeare class

84. is my favorite course this semester.

85. What's your favorite play so far?

86. "Henry V."

87. And, you know, that's surprising

88. because sequels tend to be a little disappointing.

89. Did you happen to catch "Rocky V?"

90. Anyway, "Henry V"

91. really deals with Shakespeare's most interesting themes.

92. I've always favored "Romeo and Juliet"

93. which is based on the intellectual superiority

94. of servants over those they serve.

95. Well, my favorite Shakespeare play is "King Lear."

96. The story of a strong, loving father

97. destroyed by his children.

98. - Well, "Hamlet" is my favorite. - Really, sweetheart?

99. - What's your favorite part? - Mother, are you kidding?

100. Mel Gibson in tights?

101. "Hamlet" does have some of Shakespeare's

102. most compelling poetry.

103. You know, speaking of poetry, ahem

104. do you know who is a very, very serious poet?

105. The Intelligent Hoodlum, you know?

106. I just got his tape. It's upstairs.

107. Dude be dropping science.

108. I don't think we're covering him this semester.

109. You're doing great, Will. Now bring it home.

110. You know, I went on a school trip to see a musical

111. based on a Shakespeare play, "Kiss Me, Kate."

112. Ashley, that was based on

113. Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew."

114. You know, in our building back in West Philly

115. we had a wild shrew once.

116. You know, he's just crawling out from under the kitchen sink.

117. Yo, dude was, like, this big.

118. Stole a Smithfield ham from my Uncle Leroy.

119. - Well, I don't want to be rude. - No, no, go ahead.

120. I was invited to my English professor's home.

121. I was enjoying an interesting discussion on Shakespeare.

122. I did not come here to discuss Rocky, rap, and rodents.

123. And if you're doing this for my benefit

124. I'm sorry, I think it's very juvenile.

125. And I'm not in high school.

126. Worked like a charm, Will.

127. Philip, have you seen my car keys?

128. Vivian, how many times do we have to go through this?

129. Let's retrace your steps. When did you last have them?

130. - Last night. - Okay. When last night?

131. When I said, "Yes, Philip, you can borrow my car keys."

132. Daddy, if you're always losing your keys

133. you should use my system.

134. What's that?

135. Okay, like, I was always losing my car keys

136. so I went down to the key store and I had 30 copies made.

137. That way, when I lose a key, I always have another one.

138. And next month, I do the same thing.

139. - That's your system? - Absolutely.

140. And I did the same thing with our house key.

141. You mean, there are copies of our house key

142. all over Los Angeles?

143. Don't worry, daddy.

144. I've put our name and address on all of them.

145. Come on, Philip. We got to find those car keys.

146. Kayla's gonna be here any minute.

147. And I promised her I'll take her to

148. a poetry reading down at USC

149. and I don't wanna be late.

150. Oh. No, hold on. Wait. Kayla's coming over here?

151. Look, I'm out of here.

152. I don't even want to hear that girl's name again.

153. Fine. Well, we don't have to talk about her.

154. Good.

155. You know what my beef with Kayla is?

156. Well, I thought you didn't want to talk about Kayla?

157. - Oh, there's Kayla. - Oh, great. This is great.

158. Look, I'm out of here. I'm leaving.

159. Miss Kayla Samuels.

160. We'll leave as soon as we find the car keys.

161. Mom, maybe we should just drive around town

162. and look for Hilary's keys.

163. - Uh, Kayla. - Yes.

164. Look, I just want to apologize

165. for my behavior at dinner the other night.

166. You know, I was kidding around, and I took it a little too far.

167. That's okay.

168. I just have one question, you know?

169. I-I hope it's not too personal or anything.

170. What is it?

171. Have you always been this stuck-up

172. or did it take, like, years of practice?

173. You calling me stuck-up? You the one that's stuck-up.

174. - Me? - That's right, my brother.

175. Walking around fronting like you all that.

176. Excuse me, Miss Madam.

177. But you're the one fronting like you all that

178. when in actuality, you're about that much of that.

179. You so stuck-up that your fingers

180. got to make an appointment to scratch your damn head.

181. - Your mama.. - My mana? What about my mama?

182. Your mama's so fat, they showed her a picture of her feet

183. and she couldn't identify them.

184. Okay. You.. You know what?

185. Your mama's so dumb, she went to the movies

186. it said, "Under 17 not admitted."

187. So she went home and got 16 of her friends.

188. I, I shouldn't be talking about your mama.

189. I feel sorry for your mama, having such an ugly child.

190. Say what?

191. You're so ugly, she tied a pork chop around your neck

192. just so the dog would play with you.

193. You so ugly

194. your mama had to feed you with a slingshot.

195. You so ugly, that ain't a fade on your head

196. that's your hair running away from your face.

197. You so ugly.. No-no. This is a good one.

198. You are so ugly that if you..

199. Damn, baby. You so fine.

200. I-I would kiss you, but I just had a chilidog.

201. Happy two-week anniversary, Olive Oyl.

202. Thank you, Popeye.

203. These are really pretty. You shouldn't have.

204. Yeah, that's what my neighbor's gardener said.

205. Man, look like you been studying with the hardness.

206. You ever filled your head with so much information

207. you felt like it was gonna bust?

208. No. But..

209. You know, I once got up to the third level

210. of Super Mario Brothers

211. and, yo, it was hectic up there.

212. I have a lot more reading to do.

213. Oh, no. No. That's cool. Go ahead.

214. I got some stuff to do anyway.

215. - Will, I'm studying. - So am I.

216. Damn, I'm almost ready for the test.

217. Come on, honey. I got a big Shakespeare exam coming up.

218. Alright, alright. L-let me help you out.

219. Okay. Alright.

220. Read me a passage from this book

221. and I'll try to identify the play.

222. Alright. You can't cheat.

223. - I'll move back. - Here we go.

224. Oh. You are never gonna get this one. Alright. Ahem.

225. "Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

226. Ah. Here we go. Ahem.

227. "The weight of this sad time we must obey

228. "Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say."

229. That is, um

230. Albany, Act V, Scene III, "King Lear."

231. Damn, you're good!

232. Well, not really.

233. These children been studying Shakespeare

234. since the ninth grade.

235. I'm just catching up.

236. Oh, come on, baby. Stop tripping.

237. Look, you the smartest girl I ever known.

238. You know, when you start using them million dollar words

239. makes my liver quiver.

240. Thank you, Will. You're the only boy I've ever been with

241. that really appreciates my being sesquipedalian.

242. Meow, baby.

243. Hi, Kayla, hi, Will. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

244. But I probably am.

245. Anyhow, I just wanted to pick up my checkbook.

246. I have to buy a new outfit for the frat party on Saturday.

247. - Who's throwing a party? - The guys of Sigma Sigma Gamma.

248. 'There's gonna be a really cool band'

249. and everyone is going to be there.

250. Come on, baby. That sounds dope. Let's go.

251. I don't feel like it.

252. Okay. Bye.

253. How come you didn't want to go?

254. I've been to one of those parties, Will.

255. It's like being on the moon or something.

256. I have nobody to talk to, and..

257. I just left after ten minutes.

258. Oh, well, that's alright. Here, come on.

259. We can go to a party at my fraternity.

260. Your fraternity?

261. Yeah, uh, Sigma Fly.

262. That's right, my dear.

263. I'll be round your place at 8:00.

264. Wear something daring.

265. Surprise me.

266. I'm in a dangerous mood.

267. I thought we'd light a fire, put on a Tom Jones album.

268. And after a cognac or two

269. test the waters of adventure.

270. Did you know, my dear, I'm an excellent photographer?

271. I hope you're not camera-shy.

272. - What? - Ahem.

273. So the draperies will be ready Thursday?

274. Goodbye.

275. So, Will, dating an older woman.

276. I'm so proud of you.

277. This is just like Cher and that bagel boy.

278. When you've got a fantastic woman at your side

279. you feel like a million bucks.

280. I've got a splitting headache.

281. You know, when I have a headache

282. Kayla breaks out the baby oil

283. and gives me one of them strong back rubs, you know?

284. And then right after that—

285. I don't want to hear about this.

286. - I'm going to school. - It doesn't start for an hour.

287. I know, but sometimes there's an early

288. girls' volleyball game in the gym

289. and they wear those little shorts and..

290. That's really pitiful, isn't it?

291. Miss Kayla Samuels.

292. - Prince. - Hola, princesa.

293. - Oh, you look so good. - Yeah, I know.

294. - Oh, Kayla. - 'Hi, Professor Banks.'

295. You know, you weren't in class yesterday.

296. I-I had cramps.

297. I'm-I'm really sorry. I've been so busy lately.

298. But I will be there next time.

299. So, will I see you tonight at the English department party?

300. Oh, yes. I'll be there.

301. Later, baby.

302. Well, Kayla's really been spending a lot of time with you.

303. You know, Aunt Viv

304. I'm sort of like a big old bag

305. of Lay's potato chips, you know?

306. It's like, once you get a taste, you just can't stop.

307. Well, you're certainly like a big old bag of something.

308. Well, honey, listen to me.

309. I just read Kayla's Shakespeare exam.

310. It's way below her usual work.

311. Now, I'm gonna have to give her a "D," and that kills me.

312. A "D?" Come on. She's real smart.

313. I know, but she still has to do the work

314. which she hasn't been doing lately.

315. Look, that's just one bad grade. It ain't the end the world.

316. Will, when your grades slip

317. we ground you and we make sure you get back on track.

318. If Kayla slips, she loses her scholarship

319. and she doesn't get another chance.

320. W-what do you want me to do?

321. Let her have some time alone for her schoolwork.

322. Oh. Yeah. This is great. This is great.

323. I've been he-here all these months

324. chasing all these chicken-headed girls around, uh

325. and I finally find a girl that I really like

326. and you are telling me I gotta leave her alone?

327. I know Kayla's special

328. but if you care that much about her, you have to be responsible.

329. - Do what's best for her. - Look, look.

330. Maybe being with me is best for her.

331. You know, I make her happy.

332. Aunt Viv, you know, you know

333. she wasn't fitting in in at that place.

334. Listen, baby, I know you wanna make her happy

335. but this is about her life.

336. This might be the difference between

337. Dr. Kayla Samuels who runs the hospital

338. or just Kayla who cleans it.

339. - You thirsty? - Yeah.

340. That's Dr. Kramer. He's one of my professors.

341. I believe Chaucer said it best

342. "Let every fellow tell his tale about

343. "and let's see now who shall the supper wine."

344. Phew! And I thought Carlton's come-on lines were funky.

345. - Hello, Will, Kayla. - Hi, Professor Banks.

346. Listen, Kayla, don't feel obligated to stay at this party

347. because it's strictly optional.

348. So if you have work to do, it's alright to leave.

349. Oh. Yeah, I know.

350. I was just taking a little break.

351. Fine, fine. See you later.

352. Well, maybe it ain't such a bad idea

353. you know, to go back to your room.

354. I guess this is kind of wack.

355. We can have a little party in my room

356. 'cause I don't have classes till Wednesday.

357. I-I was thinking maybe you should go by yourself.

358. Excuse me?

359. You know, we've been seeing each other every minute.

360. You know, I-I thought we just need a little time apart.

361. Apart? What the hell are you trying to say, Will?

362. Did you come to this party to break up with me?

363. no. No, no, no. No. Look.

364. I just think you need more time to concentrate on your studying.

365. Oh, that is weak.

366. Look, Kayla, you got a "D" on your last exam.

367. Did your auntie tell you that?

368. Did your auntie tell the whole world I got one bad grade?

369. Look, Kayla, you have a big opportunity here

370. and I don't wanna have no parts of you blowing it.

371. Yes, it's my big opportunity.

372. That's what everybody keeps telling me, Will.

373. I do not need to hear it from you.

374. Uh, the answer is "C."

375. I'm not sure what you're studying

376. but I found out with multiple-choice

377. you can't go wrong with "C."

378. Come on, Kayla.

379. Look, I know I didn't say all the right things at the party—

380. What are you trying to say, Will?

381. You want me to study, I'm studying.

382. What are you doing here?

383. I just wish everybody would leave me alone.

384. Can I come in?

385. I guess that won't be happening tonight.

386. Kayla, baby, don't be so angry with Will.

387. I told him that I didn't think you two

388. should spend so much time together.

389. You did what?

390. You're not my legal guardian.

391. How would you feel if someone interfered with your life?

392. Just face it, professor..

393. you fit in here.

394. I don't.

395. - Uh, I think I should go. - Will, I want you to stay.

396. Look, I didn't always fit in. Let me tell you both—

397. Let me tell you something.

398. I got four older sisters

399. all of them mamas before they were 18.

400. None of them finished high school.

401. Everybody's waiting for Kayla.

402. I'm the last chance for the whole damn family

403. and you have no idea what that feels like.

404. Oh, I know what that feels like.

405. And I know what it feels like

406. to clean hotel rooms during the day

407. and go to school at night

408. just to get the high school diploma I didn't get.

409. Aunt Viv, y-you dropped out of high school?

410. It's not something I'm proud of, but I did it.

411. My whole family was counting on me, too..

412. but I couldn't handle the pressure

413. so I ran off with some guy and quit school.

414. By the time I realized I'd made a mistake, it was too late.

415. I was left with no education

416. and nothing I was qualified to do.

417. It took me years to get back.

418. And, honey, if you wonder why

419. I seem to fit so well here

420. it's because I worked damn hard to get here

421. and I know I deserve it.

422. And your problem is that you don't know you deserve it.

423. Will knows it and I know it..

424. but unless you know it, there is nothing more I can say.

425. See you at home, Will.

426. Man!

427. I didn't know Aunt Viv cleaned hotel rooms.

428. Wonder how come she never cleaned my room.

429. You alright, babe?

430. It's scary here.

431. Oh, come on. You're going to make it.

432. I mean.. Look, I'm telling you. If there's anything I can do..

433. or not do, I will do..

434. or not do.

435. That sounds good.

436. Well, I got, um, three weeks of goofing off to make up for

437. so I'm gonna hit the books.

438. Yeah. I'll stay out of your way.

439. We both have a new leaf to turn over, huh?

440. Yeah, you're right.

441. - I'll call you? - Okay.

442. Later, baby.

443. Later.

444. Out! Out! Out!