The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1x2

1. Today, sir, I thought

2. we might begin the day with an aspirin

3. preventative medicine being so much the mode.

4. It's too late, Geoffrey.

5. I already have a headache, just anticipating

6. that infernal hammering at the office.

7. Honey, I thought the workmen were supposed

8. to be done by yesterday.

9. Shockingly enough, Vivian, they're behind schedule.

10. Dad, it's so obvious.

11. If all that hammering is bothering you

12. just tell them to quit it.

13. I don't even want to talk about it.

14. These are the only moments of peace

15. and quiet I'll have all day.

16. Another aspirin, sir?

17. Perhaps a gun.

18. Vivian, what the devil is he doing up there?

19. "I Got The Power" by Snap.

20. Snap is a great band.

21. Well, when Crackle and Pop cut a disk

22. then call me.

23. Oh, what's so funny?

24. Carlton told a joke.

25. No, no, no, Hilary. Carlton is a joke.

26. Mommy, who's gonna take me to my tennis lesson

27. after school today?

28. Are you sure it's tennis today, sweetie?

29. Maybe you better check your schedule.

30. - Schedule? - Yeah.

31. My parents bought me this calendar

32. so I could keep my lessons straight.

33. Didn't you have a schedule for after school

34. when you were my age?

35. Yeah, the "TV Guide."

36. See, Monday's for ballet

37. Tuesday's riding

38. Wednesday's violin. Oops.

39. I thought today was violin, sweetie pie.

40. You mean Ashley would have shown up for her violin lesson

41. in her tennis outfit?

42. Oh! I just pictured it.

43. Well, I'm two for two.

44. I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

45. Can I suggest retirement? Just..

46. Ouch. Keep 'em coming, Will.

47. So, mommy, who's gonna drive me?

48. - Hilary? - Oh, look..

49. There's a growing pollution problem in this city

50. and I, for one, will not contribute to it.

51. I absolutely refuse to drive anybody anywhere

52. until a responsible carpool is organized.

53. But, Hilary, Ashley is in a carpool.

54. Well, I just don't want to do it, okay?

55. I have an idea.

56. Will, you don't have any chores this afternoon.

57. You can drive Ashley.

58. Word up. Kick over the keys to the jag.

59. The benzito?

60. Hm! The station wagon.

61. Oh, come on, Uncle Phil. You're going to ruin my rep.

62. You're only 17. You don't have a rep yet.

63. You will drive her to her class, you will wait for her there

64. and you will bring her home.

65. Oh, come on, man, I got to sit through

66. a hour of scratchy violins?

67. Will, you might learn something.

68. Yeah, the same thing I learned

69. from banging my head up against a pole for hours

70. don't do it again.

71. This is your new job.

72. Wednesdays you are Ashley's driver.

73. Understood?

74. Y-y-yes'm.

75. I'll be more than happy

76. to drive you to the Piggly Wiggly

77. Miss Daisy.

78. - I'm sorry. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

79. Ladies, hold it, wait a minute, wait a minute.

80. L-let's try somethin' different, alright?

81. Everybody just repeat after me, okay?

82. - Somebody say ho! - Ho!

83. - Say ho ho! - Ho ho!

84. Now everybody scream!

85. Come, girls! You are late.

86. Now, let's begin

87. with the piece you were to memorize

88. 'from Stravinsky's "Violin Concerto In D Minor."'

89. And remember, you are playing this

90. for a woman who was the great Stravinsky's lover.

91. One, two, three, four.

92. One, two, three, four.

93. 'Faster, faster, faster, faster.'

94. Stop. Stop.

95. You there. What you do here?

96. U-um... uh, um, I'm Ashley's cousin.

97. I-I was just waiting to drive her home.

98. Hey, you make me kinda nervous with that stick, lady.

99. You dare to read while great Stravinsky is played?

100. I wasn't as tight with the man as you were.

101. Hah, do not attempt to make joke with me.

102. I was lover of both Laurel and Hardy.

103. Guess that look really works for you then.

104. Hey, Ash, you know, that was decent

105. to listen to that kind of music, you know

106. without having to see Freddy Krueger kill somebody.

107. I'm glad somebody enjoys it.

108. What, don't you?

109. Well, not yet

110. but when I'm older, it will be useful to me.

111. No, wait. That's tennis.

112. - Who told you that? - My dad.

113. Ash, just 'cause your dad likes somethin'

114. doesn't mean you have to like it.

115. I mean, he likes being a lawyer.

116. That doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer.

117. - I am going to be a lawyer. - Oh..

118. Ash, the world does not need another Philip Banks.

119. In fact, we might not have enough farmland

120. to support the one we have.

121. No. The world needs an Ashley Banks.

122. Girls, you must remember to practice more, no?

123. Violin is very jealous

124. much like the sexy Toscanini.

125. If you even look at another

126. it will not speak to you for days

127. but if you give all of yourselves

128. it will fulfill your every need

129. and set your very soul on fire.

130. What does she mean by that?

131. Well, let's just say the lady expects a lot

132. from a piece of wood and some strings.

133. Geo..

134. Your aspirin, sir.

135. Thank you, Geoffrey.

136. Do you attribute your headaches, sir

137. solely to the ongoing construction in your office

138. or do you suppose there might be

139. a stress factor involved?

140. This is how my day went, Geoffrey.

141. At 9 o'clock they were pounding.

142. At 10 o'clock they were jackhammering.

143. By noon, a pneumatic drill came into play.

144. And, Geoffrey, they were just repainting the office.

145. I'd say that's cause for stress, wouldn't you?

146. Mmm.

147. You know, sir, the Earl of Cranbrook

148. to whom I was in service for several years

149. suffered from the most severe headaches.

150. A-and you're saying that these were caused

151. by some sort of stress?

152. I should very much doubt it.

153. He spent his days riding to the hounds

154. and his evenings attending rather pleasant dinner parties

155. with his delightful wife Lady Celia.

156. Now..

157. she was a terribly good snooker player

158. one of the best, and one night, she bet—

159. Geoffrey.

160. Where does the stress come in?

161. Well, it certainly doesn't in Lord Cranbrook's case.

162. I never saw a calmer household.

163. Then what was the point of the story, Geoffrey?

164. Sheer entertainment, sir.

165. What the devil was that?

166. I believe the technical term is a rim shot.

167. Who did it?

168. Utter speculation, of course

169. but my guess is Master William.

170. Will.

171. Will!

172. Will!

173. Will!

174. Vivian.

175. Ashley, honey..

176. Where is your violin?

177. Big Sal has it.

178. Big Sal?

179. He owns this really great store

180. where you don't need any money.

181. You just go in and give him something you don't even

182. want anymore, and he gives you this ticket and then—

183. A pawnshop?

184. You took her to a pawnshop?

185. Well, yeah, it was really hard, too.

186. Man, you-you don't have many pawnshops in Bel-Air.

187. You know that's really a shame.

188. You know, I had to go all the way to East LA.

189. East LA?

190. But they gave me a great deal.

191. They gave you a set of drums.

192. And..

193. I made them throw in a little gift for each of you.

194. - Close your eyes. - Vivian!

195. I want my present.

196. - Okay, open. - Huh!

197. Oh, Will, what a lovely antique necklace.

198. What is this?

199. Daddy, it's a diamond.

200. No, it isn't.

201. - You don't like it? - No, I do not.

202. Can I have it?

203. How dare you pawn her violin!

204. She don't even like playing it no more.

205. She will learn to like it later.

206. A young woman who can play a violin

207. is an accomplished young lady.

208. Yo, a girlie that can play the drums

209. can write her own ticket.

210. Will, I want the best for Ashley.

211. When I was a kid, I loved classical music

212. but my parents couldn't afford lessons.

213. I used to stand out in the parking lot of the Philharmonic

214. hoping to catch a spare note on the night air.

215. Philip, when I met you, you were into James Brown.

216. He liked James Brown?

217. He even wore his hair like him.

218. He had hair?

219. You know, it is possible to like both

220. classical music and James Brown.

221. And I could not agree more

222. so let's let Ashley play whatever she wants.

223. She spent an entire year on the violin.

224. So, if she wants to try somethin' new, let her.

225. You tell him, Aunt Viv.

226. And as for you, young man..

227. Love you.

228. The next time you decide to visit a pawnshop, don't.

229. - Now are we clear on that? - Yes.

230. Master William

231. there is a young gentleman downstairs

232. with a rather large radio who is here to see you.

233. He claims his name is Jazz.

234. Yo, word up. Send him up.

235. Now, now who is this Jazz fellow?

236. Yo, I heard the boy at a club. He is all of that.

237. I hope he's gonna be Ashley's new music teacher.

238. I mean, now he's not as experienced as Madame Chatchka

239. but then, who is?

240. Mr. Jazz.

241. It's nice to meet you, Jazz.

242. How do you do? I'm Mr. Banks.

243. You got that right.

244. Man, you're loaded!

245. Yo, what's up, J?

246. Come on, Philip. Let's just leave them alone.

247. I asked him to take him, take her to her lesson—

248. I know, baby..

249. Tell mama all about it.

250. Ash, how about let Jazz get busy one time?

251. So Carlton, how's the, uh, soccer scene?

252. Well, I may be moving up from JV to Varsity, but..

253. Am I the only one who find this drumming

254. inappropriate for high tea?

255. I can't take another week of this.

256. From morning until night, all I hear is this relentless

257. pulsating, thumping beat.

258. I'm going to the Hard Rock Cafe.

259. Hilary.

260. Stay.

261. We are having tea.

262. It's a civilized way for me to have a conversation

263. with my family, so someone talk.

264. I want her severely punished.

265. Look, it was the only time that Jazz

266. could give her a lesson today.

267. Vivian, I wish you would stop calling him that.

268. - But that's his name. - It is not. It can't be.

269. Philip, these kids like to make up their own names.

270. Let them.

271. Okay.

272. Fine.

273. So, from now on, I'm no longer Philip Banks.

274. Just call me King Edward IV.

275. As you wish, Your Majesty.

276. Humor, sir.

277. Dad, I'm as liberal as the next guy

278. but it's time for someone to take the reins.

279. High tea has been a weekly tradition in our family

280. for as long as I can remember.

281. If we let young Will ruin this for us

282. what's next to go? Christmas?

283. I can't answer that question for you, son.

284. Ask your mother.

285. Oh, come on, you two.

286. High tea is not a sacred institution.

287. It's not the tea.

288. It's not the drums.

289. It's Ashley.

290. I've spent nine years

291. trying to raise a proper young lady

292. and Will is undoing all of my work in a week.

293. Ashley, honey, come down here!

294. - What are you doing? - He's punishing her.

295. No, Hilary, I just want her to spend some time with her family.

296. Same thing.

297. What is all this yelling about downstairs?

298. Look, we are trying to give a music lesson upstairs.

299. Work with me, people, please?

300. You've been practicing all afternoon.

301. Uh, look, that is the only way she's gonna become a star.

302. Now, this young lady has the drive, the good look

303. and the intelligence to get to the top

304. but she will not be on "Yo! MTV Raps"

305. if you all don't work with me.

306. Practice is over, Will.

307. Ashley, honey, it's teatime.

308. Ooh, tea.

309. Biscuits!

310. Geoffrey, put on our teatime music, please.

311. You'll love this, honey.

312. It's "Brandenburg Concertos."

313. Hey, Jazz, hit me with some sugar, man.

314. How about a little milk?

315. - No.. - I'll get it.

316. I thought this was Sterling.

317. It's got that certain weight to it.

318. Ah.

319. Yes, yes. This is my favorite part.

320. Ashley, honey, this is possibly

321. the most beautiful music ever written.

322. Would someone turn it up for me, please?

323. Jazz, crank that up for me.

324. Oh, yes.

325. Oh, yes. Listen. Listen, darling.

326. Listen to the violins.

327. Beautiful.

328. Oh.

329. The oboes will be coming next.

330. Aah!

331. Geoffrey, would tell Miss Ashley I'd like to

332. speak to her, please?

333. - Right away, sir. - Philip.

334. Philip, now I know you're upset

335. but I want you to stay calm.

336. I'm calm.

337. I'm happy.

338. I'm in control.

339. You see, Vivian..

340. I had lost control.

341. Lost control?

342. You drop kicked a human being

343. across our front lawn.

344. It felt good, dammit.

345. I'm back in the saddle again. Mm.

346. You know, I think living down the street from the Regan's

347. has had a very bad effect on you.

348. Oh, Will, your uncle just wanted to speak with Ashley.

349. No. No, let him stay.

350. I want him to hear this, too.

351. I hope this isn't going to be one of those Theo moments.

352. Ashley, honey..

353. sit down.

354. Ashley, baby..

355. through no fault of your own

356. things went down a very wrong path this week

357. but luckily, your daddy has put it all back together.

358. You're going to return to the violin.

359. I've called Madame Chatchka.

360. She's agreed to give you a make-up lesson.

361. You must've caught her on one of her rare free nights, huh?

362. Will, please?

363. I think we've all lost sight of the most important thing here

364. and that is, what's best for Ashley.

365. Man, it's not what's best for Ashley.

366. I mean, you're trying to control her too much.

367. She's nine-years-old, and she's got a calendar

368. telling her where she's got to be and what she's gotta do.

369. Oh, I see, but she doesn't have to worry about that anymore

370. because now you tell her what to do, right?

371. There's only one thing wrong with that, Will

372. you're not her father.

373. Alright, okay, but how come you didn't know

374. she doesn't like the violin?

375. She liked it for a whole year before you moved in

376. to this house, can you explain that?

377. I never liked it, daddy.

378. That explains it.

379. I mean, look, if you ask her

380. she'll tell you she wants to play the drums.

381. I don't like the drums either.

382. See? See? Now you confused her.

383. I'm not confused.

384. I just didn't want to disappoint you, Will.

385. And I didn't want to disappoint you, daddy.

386. Now hold on.

387. Now let's get this straight.

388. Ashley, honey, you don't have to please Will

389. and you don't have to please your father.

390. You just continue the lessons that you like best.

391. You mean it, mommy?

392. Absolutely, sweetheart.

393. Then I want to quit ballet.

394. Ballet? Honey, no.

395. Oh, thanks, mom!

396. But, honey, you look so cute in that little tutu.

397. Oh, I really hate it, mommy.

398. But, Ashley, honey, just until Christmas?

399. Do you believe that?

400. She wants to quit everything.

401. I know.

402. These kids today, they have no attention span.

403. I blame television.