The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 1, Episode 2

Directed by Debbie Allen

Bette Ford as Madame Chatchka • DJ Jazzy Jeff as Jazz

Will persuades Ashley to pawn her violin for a drum set.

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1. today, sir, I thought

2. we might begin the day with an aspirin,

3. preventative medicine being so much the mode.

4. It's too late, Geoffrey.

5. I already have a headache

6. just anticipating that infernal hammering at the office.

7. I thought the workmen would be done by yesterday.

8. Shockingly enough, Vivian, they're behind schedule.

9. Dad, it's so obvious.

10. If all that hammering is bothering you,

11. tell them to quit it.

12. I don't even want to talk about it.

13. This is the only quiet I'll have all day.

14. another aspirin, sir?

15. Perhaps a gun.

16. What the devil is he doing up there?

17. I got the power by snap.

18. Snap is a great band.

19. Well, when crackle and pop cut a disk,

20. then call me.

21. What's so funny?

22. Carlton told a joke.

23. No, no, no, hilary. Carlton is a joke.

24. Mommy, who's taking me to my tennis lesson

25. after school today?

26. Is it tennis today, sweetie?

27. Maybe you better check your schedule.

28. Schedule?

29. My parents bought this calendar

30. so I could keep my lessons straight.

31. Didn't you have a schedule for after school?

32. Yeah—the TV guide.

33. See, Monday's for ballet,

34. Tuesday's riding,

35. Wednesday's violin.

36. Oops.

37. I thought today was violin, sweetie pie.

38. You mean Ashley would have shown up for her violin lesson

39. in her tennis outfit?

40. Oh. I just pictured it.

41. Well, I'm 2 for 2.

42. I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

43. Can I suggest retirement?

44. Ouch. Keep 'em coming, will.

45. So, mommy, who's going to drive me?

46. Hilary?

47. There's a growing pollution problem in this city,

48. and I will not contribute to it.

49. I absolutely refuse to drive anybody anywhere

50. until a responsible carpool is organized.

51. But, hilary, Ashley is in a carpool.

52. Well, I just don't want to do it, o.K.?

53. I have an idea.

54. Will, you don't have any chores this afternoon.

55. You can drive Ashley.

56. Word up. Kick over the keys to the jag.

57. The benzito?

58. The station wagon.

59. Come on. You're going to ruin my rep.

60. You're only 17. You don't have a rep yet.

61. You will drive her to her class

62. and wait for her.

63. I got to sit through a hour of scratchy violins?

64. Will, you might learn something.

65. The same thing I learned

66. from banging my head against a pole—

67. don't do it again.

68. This is your new job.

69. Wednesdays you are Ashley's driver.

70. Understood?

71. Y-y-yes'm.

72. I'll be more than happy

73. to drive you to the piggly-wiggly,

74. miss Daisy.

75. I'm sorry.

76. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

77. Ladies, wait a minute, wait a minute.

78. Let's try something different.

79. Everybody just repeat after me, o.K.?

80. ho! Ho!

81. Say ho ho!

82. Ho ho! Ho ho!

83. Now everybody scream!

84. Aah! Aah!

85. come, girls! You are late.

86. Now, let's begin

87. with the piece you were to memorize

88. from stravinsky's violin concerto in d minor.

89. And remember, you are playing this

90. for a woman who was the great stravinsky's lover.

91. 1, 2, 3, 4.

92. 1, 2, 3, 4.

93. Faster, faster, faster, faster.

94. Stop. Stop.

95. You there. What you do here?

96. Um... I'm Ashley's cousin.

97. I-I was just waiting to drive her home.

98. Hey, you make me kinda' nervous with that stick lady.

99. You dare to read while great stravinski is played?

100. I wasn't as tight with the man as you are.

101. Hah, do not attempt to make joke with me.

102. I was lover of both lowe and Hardy.

103. Guess that look really works for you then.

104. Ash, that was decent

105. to listen to that kind of music

106. without seeing Freddy krueger kill somebody.

107. I'm glad somebody enjoys it.

108. What, don't you?

109. Well, not yet,

110. but when I'm older, it will be useful to me.

111. No, wait. That's tennis.

112. Who told you that?

113. My dad.

114. Just 'cause your dad likes something,

115. you don't have to.

116. He likes being a lawyer.

117. You don't have to be.

118. I am going to be a lawyer.

119. Ash, the world doesn't need another Philip banks.

120. In fact, we might not have enough farmland

121. to support the one we have.

122. No. The world needs an Ashley banks.

123. Girls, you must remember to practice more, no?

124. Violin is very jealous,

125. much like the sexy toscanini.

126. If you even look at another,

127. it will not speak to you for days,

128. but if you give all of yourselves,

129. it will fulfill your every need

130. and set your very soul on fire.

131. What does she mean by that?

132. Well, let's just say

133. the lady expects a lot

134. from a piece of wood and some strings.

135. Geo—

136. your aspirin, sir.

137. Thank you, Geoffrey.

138. Do you attribute your headaches, sir,

139. solely to the ongoing construction in your office,

140. or do you suppose

141. there might be a stress factor involved?

142. This is how my day went, Geoffrey.

143. At 9:00, they were pounding.

144. At 10:00, they were jackhammering.

145. By noon,

146. a pneumatic drill came into play.

147. And, Geoffrey,

148. they were just repainting the office.

149. I'd say that's cause for stress, wouldn't you?

150. Mmm.

151. You know, sir,

152. the Earl of cranbrook,

153. to whom I was in service for several years,

154. suffered from the most severe headaches.

155. And you're saying these were caused by stress?

156. I should very much doubt it.

157. He spent his days riding to the hounds

158. and his evenings

159. attending rather pleasant dinner parties

160. with his delightful wife lady Celia.

161. Now...

162. She was a terribly good snooker player,

163. one of the best,

164. and one night, she bet—

165. Geoffrey.

166. Where does the stress come in?

167. Well, it certainly doesn't in lord cranbrook's case.

168. I never saw a calmer household.

169. Then what was the point of the story, Geoffrey?

170. Sheer entertainment, sir.

171. What the devil was that?

172. I believe the technical term is a rim shot.

173. Who did it?

174. Utter speculation, of course,

175. but my guess is master William.

176. Will.

177. Will!

178. Will!

179. Will!

180. Vivian.

181. Ashley, honey...

182. Where is your violin?

183. Big sal has it.

184. Big sal?

185. He owns this store

186. where you don't need any money.

187. You give him something you don't want anymore,

188. and he gives you this ticket.

189. A pawnshop?

190. You took her to a pawnshop?

191. It was really hard, too.

192. You don't have many pawnshops in bel-air.

193. That's really a shame.

194. I had to go to east L.A.

195. East L.A.?

196. But they gave me a great deal.

197. They gave you a drum set.

198. And...

199. A gift for each of you. Close your eyes.

200. Vivian!

201. I want my present.

202. O.K. Open.

203. Oh, will, what a lovely antique necklace.

204. What is this?

205. Daddy, it's a diamond.

206. No, it isn't.

207. You don't like it?

208. No, I do not.

209. Can I have it?

210. How dare you pawn her violin.

211. She don't even like playing it.

212. She will learn to like it.

213. A young woman who plays a violin

214. is an accomplished lady.

215. A girlie that can play the drums

216. can write her own ticket.

217. Will,

218. I want the best for Ashley.

219. When I was a kid,

220. I loved classical music,

221. but my parents couldn't afford lessons.

222. I'd stand in the parking lot of the philharmonic

223. hoping to catch a spare note.

224. Philip, when I met you, you were into James brown.

225. He liked James brown?

226. He even wore his hair like him.

227. He had hair?

228. You know, it is possible

229. to like both classical music and James brown.

230. I could not agree more,

231. so let's let Ashley play whatever she wants.

232. She spent an entire year on the violin.

233. If she wants to try something new, let her.

234. You tell him, aunt viv.

235. And as for you, young man—

236. love you.

237. The next time you decide to visit a pawnshop,

238. don't.

239. Are we clear on that?

240. Yes.

241. Ahem.

242. Master William,

243. there is a young gentleman downstairs

244. with a rather large radio

245. who is here to see you.

246. He claims his name is jazz.

247. Yo, word up. Send him up.

248. Now who is this jazz fellow?

249. I heard the boy at a club.

250. I hope he'll be Ashley's new music teacher.

251. He's not as experienced as madame chatchka,

252. but then, who is?

253. Mr. Jazz.

254. It's nice to meet you, jazz.

255. How do you do? I'm Mr. Banks.

256. You got that right.

257. Man, you're loaded!

258. Yo, what's up, j?

259. Come on, Philip. Let's just leave them alone.

260. I asked him to take her to her lesson—

261. I know, baby.

262. Tell mama all about it.

263. Hey, shove over. Let jazz get busy one time.

264. Oh, yeah!

265. Oh, play two stick.

266. Tell it shoobooty on the far side. Hey!

267. Hey!

268. Hey!

269. Hey!

270. So Carlton, how's the soccer scene?

271. Well, I may be moving up from j.V to varsity but—

272. Am I the only one who find this drumming

273. inappropriate for high tea?

274. I can't take another week of this.

275. From morning until night,

276. all I hear is this relentless, pulsating, thumping beat.

277. I'm going to the hard rock cafe.

278. Hilary.

279. Stay.

280. We are having tea.

281. It's a civilized way

282. for me to have a conversation with my family,

283. so someone talk.

284. I want her severely punished.

285. It was the only time jazz could give her a lesson.

286. Vivian, stop calling him that.

287. But that's his name.

288. It is not. It can't be.

289. These kids like to make up their own names.

290. Let them.

291. O.K.

292. Fine.

293. From now on, I'm no longer Philip banks.

294. Just call me king Edward iv.

295. As you wish, your majesty.

296. Humor, sir.

297. Dad, I'm as liberal as the next guy,

298. but it's time for someone to take the reins.

299. High tea has been a weekly tradition in our family

300. as long as I can remember.

301. If we let will ruin this for us,

302. what's next to go? Christmas?

303. I can't answer that question for you, son.

304. Ask your mother.

305. Oh, come on, you two.

306. High tea is not a sacred institution.

307. Ahem.

308. It's not the tea.

309. It's not the drums.

310. It's Ashley.

311. I've spent nine years

312. trying to raise a proper young lady,

313. and will's undoing all my work in a week.

314. Ashley, honey, come down here!

315. What are you doing?

316. He's punishing her.

317. I just want her to spend time with her family.

318. Same thing.

319. What is all this yelling about downstairs?

320. We are trying to give a music lesson upstairs.

321. Work with me, people, please?

322. You've been practicing all afternoon.

323. That is the only way she'll become a star.

324. This young lady has the drive, the look,

325. and the intelligence to get to the top,

326. but she won't be on yo! Mtv raps

327. if you all don't work with me.

328. Practice is over, will.

329. Ashley, honey, it's teatime.

330. Ooh, tea.

331. Biscuits!

332. Geoffrey, put on our teatime music, please.

333. You'll love this, honey.

334. It's Brandenberg concertos.

335. Hey, jazz, hit me with some sugar, man.

336. How about a little milk?

337. No. I'll get it.

338. I thought this was sterling.

339. It's got that certain weight to it.

340. Ah.

341. Yes, yes. This is my favorite part.

342. Ashley, honey, this is possibly

343. the most beautiful music ever written.

344. Would someone turn it up for me, please?

345. Jazz, crank that up.

346. Oh, yes.

347. Oh, yes. Listen. Listen, darling.

348. Listen to the violins.

349. Beautiful.

350. Oh.

351. The oboes will be coming next.

352. Aah!

353. Geoffrey, tell miss Ashley I'd like to speak to her.

354. Right away, sir.

355. Philip, I know you're upset,

356. but I want you to stay calm.

357. I'm calm. I'm happy.

358. I'm in control.

359. You see Vivian..

360. I had lost control.

361. Lost control?

362. You drop kicked a human being across our front lawn.

363. It felt good, damnit.

364. I'm back in the saddle again.

365. You know, I think living down the street from the Regan's has

366. had a very bad effect on you.

367. Will, your Uncle just wanted to speak with Ashley.

368. No. Let him stay.

369. I want him to hear this, too.

370. I hope this isn't going to be

371. one of those Theo moments.

372. Ashley, honey...

373. Sit down.

374. Ashley, baby...

375. Through no fault of your own,

376. things went down a very wrong path this week,

377. but luckily, your daddy has put it all back together.

378. You're going to return to the violin.

379. I've called madame chatchka.

380. She'll give you a make-up lesson.

381. You caught her on one of her rare free nights.

382. Will, please?

383. I think we've all lost sight

384. of the most important thing—

385. what's best for Ashley.

386. It's not what's best for Ashley.

387. You're trying to control her.

388. She's 9 years old,

389. and she's got a calendar

390. telling her what to do.

391. But she doesn't have to worry about that anymore

392. because now you tell her what to do, right?

393. There's only one thing wrong—

394. you're not her father.

395. You didn't know she doesn't like the violin.

396. She liked it before you moved in. Explain that.

397. I never liked it, daddy.

398. That explains it.

399. If you ask her,

400. she'll tell you she wants to play drums.

401. I don't like the drums either.

402. See? See? Now you confused her.

403. I'm not confused.

404. I just didn't want to disappoint you, will.

405. And I didn't want to disappoint you, daddy.

406. Now hold on.

407. Now let's get this straight.

408. Ashley, you don't have to please will,

409. and you don't have to please your father.

410. You just continue the lessons you like best.

411. You mean it, mommy?

412. Absolutely, sweetheart.

413. Then I want to quit ballet.

414. Ballet? Honey, no.

415. Oh, thanks, mom!

416. But you look so cute in that little tutu.

417. Oh, I really hate it, mommy.

418. But, Ashley, honey, just until Christmas?

419. Do you believe that?

420. She wants to quit everything.

421. I know.

422. These kids today have no attention span.

423. I blame television.