The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1x18

1. Yo, I'm telling you, Ash.

2. It's perfect thing for granny's visit.

3. Look, we enter here, pass the llamas and giraffes

4. take a look at the monkey house

5. and then end with a ride on the Ferris wheel.

6. Will, for the last time

7. we are not breaking into Michael Jackson's house.

8. Yo man, what's up?

9. We're going to pick grandma up at the airport in a minute.

10. I don't think she'll wanna hear that garbage

11. when she gets here.

12. Carlton, the reason you don't like the music

13. is because you can't dance.

14. Oh, really?

15. In your face.

16. So I did get an A in my English mid term

17. and the A-minus was in math.

18. What a crazy week that was.

19. So, anyway, that takes us up to the spring quarter.

20. - Mm-mm. - That's when I—

21. Worked hard, got good grades

22. made the honor roll, the end.

23. - Hey, granny! - Oh, sugar.

24. Oh, Will, as handsome as ever.

25. Oh, grandma, as generous as ever.

26. Granny, did you notice how Carlton's grown?

27. He's almost into adult sizes.

28. Well, congratulations, dear.

29. Hey, granny, I've been looking through the guide books.

30. I found an attraction with your name written all over it.

31. What's that, honey?

32. Raging waters.

33. Willie, are you insane?

34. It's a little late to be asking.

35. Grandma's here to rest and recuperate.

36. She's just gotten over the flu.

37. - I told you it was a cold. - What did the doctor say?

38. Us country folks don't go running off to the doctor

39. at every sneeze, sniffle, or broken bone.

40. We are not the spendthrifts you are, Zeke.

41. Zeke. Ha-ha! Man, that one always kills me.

42. Hey, granny, I love when you come to visit.

43. Uh, did you bring the picture of him and the goat?

44. Oh..

45. Never leave home without it.

46. Oh, yes, sir, I will be getting a frame for this one.

47. Hattie.

48. Hello!

49. Ooh. Ha-ha!

50. Ooh, honey, you are younger and prettier

51. every time I see you.

52. Will you look at you two?

53. You could enter a beauty contest.

54. - Oh, grandma. - Really?

55. I never gave it much thought.

56. Uh, just think, Hillary, for the talent portion

57. you could twirl a checkbook.

58. Grandma, are we gonna do some more crafts while you're here?

59. Well, we sure are.

60. Geoffrey!

61. Yes, madam?

62. Ashley and I are gonna be doing some art.

63. So we're gonna need 50 Popsicle sticks

64. two bags of macaroni wheels

65. and lots and lots of glitter.

66. I'm way ahead of you, madam.

67. In anticipation of your visit

68. I've saved two dozen egg cartons.

69. Oh, thank you, Geoffrey

70. but we won't be making purses this time.

71. Speaking of art, I thought we could go to the museum.

72. They have a display on 100-year-old quilts.

73. Oh, honey. I got one of them in the back of my truck.

74. I know what'd perfect for grandma

75. a complete day of beauty

76. where the salon does your hair, makeup, nails.

77. And you come out looking fabulous.

78. Well, I don't think your grandmother would be interested.

79. Well, then, can I do it?

80. I know we all have plans for grandma

81. but let's let her relax a little bit first.

82. - Oh, sweetie, I feel fine. - Oh, maybe so, mama.

83. But while you're here, I want you to take it easy.

84. You are not to lift a finger.

85. We're going to treat you like a queen.

86. You said the magic word.

87. Excuse me.

88. Did I just win the Kentucky Derby?

89. Mr. Banks instructed me to keep you warm at all times.

90. Why don't you just light me on fire?

91. I'm already hotter than a dog in a wool wagon. Now get!

92. While the getting's good, madam.

93. Hey, granny, what you doing?

94. Nothing much, I'm afraid.

95. Your uncle gave me this book of find-the-word puzzles.

96. So I found all the words. Now what do I do with them?

97. I mean, granny, you shouldn't just be sitting here.

98. I mean, you should do something you like doing

99. like, I don't know

100. baking me a sweet potato pie.

101. Baby, much as I'd like to, I..

102. I think your uncle wants me to stay put.

103. See, now that's your first mistake.

104. See, he tells me all kinds of stuff to do

105. and I never listen to him.

106. Ah, and I'm a better person for it.

107. How come you're just sitting around? Don't you have plans?

108. - No, not really. - You got to have a girl.

109. Oh, no kidding.

110. There's no one that gets your sap rising?

111. Well, there's this girl named Tanya.

112. I met her at the mall.

113. She works in one of them fancy men's store

114. where even underwear comes from Europe.

115. Man, I just don't know if she'd go out with anybody

116. in local drawers.

117. Sets to mind a heifer we once had.

118. You ain't seen Tanya.

119. You listen up.

120. Now, Petunia had two bulls liking her

121. one a big, strong Angus with a chest as wide as a Chevy.

122. Oh, that one's me, right?

123. The other one was a slim, handsome jersey

124. a real lady's bull.

125. Ah, word to granny. That one's me, right?

126. Now, all season long, Petunia just couldn't decide.

127. So come fall, she ups and picks the Angus.

128. See?

129. No.

130. Why, by then, breeding season was over.

131. Maybe if you changed it to cats or something?

132. Now, everybody be quiet.

133. Grandma's probably sleeping.

134. She's gonna love my gift.

135. I didn't know Leonard Nimoy even sang.

136. That was very thoughtful, Carlton.

137. Thank you.

138. I smell something funny.

139. It smells like pine or something.

140. I smell it, too. I thinks it's coming from in the kitchen.

141. What is that smell?

142. Watch your step.

143. The floor is wet.

144. Mother, what are you doing?

145. I'm picking apples from a cherry tree.

146. What does it look like I'm doing?

147. I'm giving your floor a good hand-scrubbing.

148. That's Geoffrey's job.

149. No, it ain't.

150. I have begun the mulch pile, madam.

151. Fine, Geoffrey. I'll be out to look at it directly

152. right after I flip the mattresses.

153. Hold on, mama. Geoffrey?

154. Sorry, sir.

155. But she threatened me with a whupping.

156. Well, Hattie, it seems like you're back to your old self.

157. I have an idea for this afternoon.

158. Now I know how proud you are of your azalea bushes.

159. Why don't we go to the botanical gardens

160. and see how theirs stack up.

161. - I'll get my sweater. - Why?

162. Mom, are you cold?

163. Geoffrey, turn up the heat.

164. Sir, I already set the thermostat on 80

165. as you requested.

166. The candles are starting to melt.

167. I just wanted my sweater

168. 'cause we're going to the gardens.

169. We can go to the gardens later this week.

170. I want you to get settled in.

171. I'm more settled than a big ol' box of raisin bran.

172. No, no. Mama, don't excite yourself.

173. Is there anything I can get for you?

174. - How about a magazine? - Or a game.

175. Or some moisturizer.

176. I have an idea. Why don't we all take a dip in the pool?

177. - Sounds good. - Great.

178. That way we can all get out of the house

179. and let mama take a nap.

180. But I want to swim, too.

181. You shouldn't swim when getting over the flu, mama.

182. Now, we'll see you after your nap.

183. Nap!

184. Why don't they put me in a playpen?

185. Yo, DJ Granny.

186. - Hey, w-what's going on? - Nothing.

187. And your uncle aims to keep it that way.

188. Oh, I know he means well

189. but a body has to feel useful.

190. Useful? Yo..

191. You know that girlie advice you gave me?

192. - Worked like a charm. - Really?

193. I don't remember it exactly

194. but I just walked up to her and said

195. "Hey Tanya, bulls and cows need to get together

196. before it starts snowing."

197. And she understood that?

198. Well, no, but she likes my hair.

199. Hey, we're going out on her first night off.

200. Oh, that's fine.

201. Of course, I don't have a date for the concert tonight.

202. - Who's playing? - Heavy D.

203. Oh, I love him.

204. You do?

205. Who doesn't like Charlie Daniels?

206. Heh-heh. Uh, this is another Heavy D, granny.

207. Here, maybe if I play this tape for you. Check it out.

208. Not bad.

209. Can't understand what he's saying

210. but it does have a beat to it.

211. What kind of dance you do to this?

212. Hey, trust me on this one, granny. It's very complicated.

213. It takes a lot of hard study and dedication to learn.

214. Honey, I ain't got that kind of time.

215. You're getting there. You're getting there.

216. This kind of dancing works up quite an appetite.

217. What say I make us some flapjacks?

218. Oh, yes. Granny, will you marry me?

219. Oh, sweet talker!

220. Ooh, this is the good part.

221. Yeah, I'll turn up the Victrola.

222. Yeah!

223. Whoo-hoo!

224. Go, granny. Go, granny.

225. What's going on in here?

226. Mama, are you alright?

227. Of course I am. Take your hands off of me.

228. Will, why are you playing that music?

229. Grandma's supposed to be resting. You're grounded.

230. Grounded? A-all I did was play some music loud.

231. Sounds like a no dessert offense, isn't it?

232. You heard what I said.

233. Alright, Uncle Phil, look

234. I got back stage passes to the Heavy D concert.

235. Now, you said yourself how awful rap music is.

236. Let's say we make that my punishment.

237. Please don't make me go.

238. Nice try, Will.

239. Oh, don't get so worked up, Zeke.

240. I was just having fun.

241. Mama, a woman your age should not be dancing around.

242. Boy, don't you tell me what to do.

243. Well, I'm sorry, mama. I was just trying to look out for you.

244. Will, no more horsing around.

245. "Will, no more horsing around."

246. That boy is about as much fun as day-old oatmeal.

247. I noticed that.

248. Granny, since we're both kinda grounded

249. hey, want to go upstairs, slam our bedroom doors

250. and throw things?

251. A woman my age shouldn't be dancing.

252. We'll see about that.

253. - Spoiling my fun. - Yours?

254. I can't believe I'm not going to that concert.

255. You are going to that concert.

256. - I am? - That's right.

257. With me.

258. But Uncle Phil won't let us.

259. But Uncle Phil won't see us.

260. Oooh... sneaking out? You?

261. Honey, you are looking at a woman

262. who has snuck out to more barn dances

263. hayrides, and midnight skinny dips

264. than a chicken has pecks.

265. Yo, well, yee-hah!

266. Alright!

267. Ah, Hattie, looks like you've got your plans for the evening.

268. Oh, yeah. Got a couple of extra pillows.

269. I like to turn in early at my age.

270. Oh, would you like some hot chocolate?

271. Oh, Lord, no! Don't need the stimulation.

272. - Well, goodnight. - Goodnight, honey.

273. Phew. That was close.

274. But I was cool.

275. Good work, 0070.

276. Now here's the plan. The concert starts at 8:00.

277. My friend Jazz will meet us at the corner at 7:00.

278. He'll flash his lights twice

279. then he'll drive us to the Bel-Air border.

280. There, we'll meet with a guy known only as the Captain.

281. He'll drive us the rest of the way. No questions asked.

282. What's the code words?

283. Here's 10 bucks.

284. - Gotcha. - But..

285. You're going to be ready to go?

286. Oh, honey, no problem.

287. Good. You'll blend in.

288. Now, I brought these pillows to put them in our bed

289. so they think we're sleeping.

290. Granny, granny, granny

291. nice try, but today it's all done electronically. Check it.

292. That's lovely, dear.

293. Ain't my brother. For the last time she is not Queen Latifa.

294. Oh. Yeah, finally we're here. Hey, you know what?

295. For a minute I thought Uncle Phil saw us out that window.

296. What a hideous expression on his face.

297. Word. Hey, thank God he just had a mouthful of gummy bears.

298. Hey, y-you want to sit down for a minute?

299. Now, don't you start treating me like an old person.

300. - What do we do first? - Alright, well..

301. First we buy some t-shirts, then we get something to eat.

302. Good idea. I think we could both use some chili dogs.

303. With lots of cheese. Listen, I'm paying.

304. Granny, that marriage proposal still stands.

305. Oh..

306. 'What do you mean your grandmother wasn't in her room?'

307. 'Well, I went to tell her goodnight.'

308. 'There were just pillows underneath her covers.'

309. 'Where on earth would she get an idea like that?'

310. Will!

311. How could he still be sleeping?

312. Mm-hmm.

313. Look at this, I can't believe how low

314. Will will stoop to deceive you.

315. I mean, with this tape, who knows how many times

316. he could sneak out of the house for a whole night

317. completely unnoticed.

318. Mom, do you think Will and grandma are alright?

319. Oh, I'm sure they are, sweetie.

320. Okay, I'm going to bed.

321. I don't understand. Where would they be at this hour?

322. The Heavy D concert.

323. I, uh, accidentally overheard Will on the phone

324. when I was trying to clean my receiver.

325. Hm, Will probably dragged

326. my mother with him. I'm going down there.

327. I'm going with you, dad. It's a rap concert.

328. You want to be with someone who knows how to be hip.

329. Hmm. $10 for a t-shirt. That boy must be crazy.

330. Still ain't sure how you managed to get it

331. for $1.25 and a picture of grandpa?

332. I've been thinking. Maybe we should call home.

333. I know how it is. I've been a parent.

334. Well, I've been a kid, and the answer is

335. "Eeehhh! Bad choice, Joyce."

336. I mean, they'd kill us.

337. Twice over.

338. I'm sorry to bother you..

339. Miss Fitzgerald?

340. I'm a big fan of yours.

341. I was wondering if you'd have your picture taken with me.

342. Come on, man, she's not..

343. Ever too busy for a fan.

344. Well, they had backstage passes.

345. So, it shouldn't be too hard to find them.

346. Let's hurry up. This is weird.

347. I mean, can you believe how these kids dress?

348. It's beginning to get to me.

349. Uh, excuse me a moment. I just..

350. Could I see your backstage pass, please?

351. I don't have one. I'm here looking for my mother.

352. Mm-hmm. And your sister knows a member of the band, right?

353. Huh. You groupies are all alike. Heh!

354. I am not a groupie.

355. Call it what you like, but take it from me, buddy.

356. Heavy D does not want to hear you rap.

357. Hey. Uh, hey, where do you think you're going?

358. Pardon me, have you seen a young kid in wild, colorful clothing

359. with an earring in his ear and the sides of his head shaved?

360. Nope. Heh!

361. You better get to your seat. The concert's about to start.

362. I'm not here to see some stupid concert.

363. Never mind. I'll find him myself.

364. He couldn't have gotten too far.

365. 'Everybody put your hands together'

366. 'for Heavy D!'

367. Boo! Boo! Boo!

368. When the crowd saw he wasn't Heavy D, they was upset.

369. You know, seriously, Uncle Phil

370. I think you had the shortest rap career in history.

371. But I do feel bad.

372. All the trouble we caused you.

373. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Me, too.

374. - Oh, well. - Oh, well.

375. Oh, you all should've seen granny. She was great.

376. She climbed down from the second story window, right

377. then she ran to Jazz's car

378. then she helped push it up the hill when it stalled.

379. You know, Philip, I think you're right.

380. I don't think Hattie up to

381. seeing those azaleas tomorrow.

382. Why, I sure am, and after that

383. Hilary, you and I are gonna get those facials.

384. Oh, grandma, you haven't lived

385. until you've had a mud mask.

386. What people don't pay for in Beverly Hills.

387. - Goodnight, grandma. - Goodnight.

388. And then, Ashley, baby

389. you and I are going to make us

390. some macaroni rain hats.

391. - Great! Goodnight, grandma. - Oh!

392. Goodnight, precious.

393. Well, grandma, after all that activity

394. you're gonna need a rest.

395. That's when you can tell me

396. more about your schoolwork, dear.

397. Excellent!

398. Goodnight, grandma.

399. Goodnight, baby.

400. Hey, you know, granny, you was a great date tonight.

401. Well, you showed me a great time.

402. And to thank you, tomorrow I'm going to

403. bake you a sweet potato pie.

404. Mm, I mean, look, alright, granny, I don't think

405. you should be waking up all early, you know.

406. - Oh.. - Let's get started on it now.

407. Will, I think it's time for bed.

408. - Goodnight, granny. - Goodnight, baby.

409. - Goodnight, mama. - Goodnight, darling.

410. Oh, don't go giving me that look, Zeke.

411. That's the same look you give me at the county fair

412. when I wouldn't let you climb up the greasy pole.

413. Now, you're not all that mad with me, are you?

414. Well, mama, yes, I am.

415. I try to set some rules down for Will

416. a-and you undermine my authority.

417. I know how to handle things.

418. - I am an adult. - I am, too, Zeke.

419. - I know that. - Do you?

420. How many adults do you tell to take a nap?

421. Mama, I was just worried about you.

422. But I'm fine, baby.

423. I know.

424. When you had the flu and I talked to you on the phone

425. you sounded so small.

426. I just want you to live a long time.

427. Then, Zeke..

428. let me live.