1. I'm telling you, Ashley,
it's the perfect thing for Granny's visit.
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2. Look, we enter here,
we go past the llamas and giraffes...
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3. take a look at the monkey house...
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4. and then end
with a ride on the Ferris wheel.
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5. For the last time...
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6. we are not breaking into
Michael Jackson's house.
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7. Man, what's up?
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8. We're picking up Grandma
from the airport.
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9. She won't want to hear that garbage
when she gets here.
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10. The reason you don't like the music
is because you can't dance.
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11. Really?
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12. In your face.
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13. So it turned out I did get an "A"
in my English mid-term...
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14. and the A minus was in Math.
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15. What a crazy week that was.
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16. That takes us up to the spring quarter.
That's when l—
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17. Worked hard, got good grades,
made the honor roll, the end.
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18. Granny!
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19. Oh, sugar!
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20. Will, as handsome as ever.
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21. Grandma, as generous as ever.
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22. Did you notice how Carlton's grown?
He's almost into adult sizes.
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23. Congratulations, dear.
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24. I've been looking through
the guidebooks...
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25. I found an attraction
with your name written all over it.
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26. - What's that, honey?
- Raging Waters.
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27. - Are you insane?
- It's a little late to be asking.
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28. She's here to rest and recuperate.
She's just gotten over the flu.
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29. I told you it was a cold.
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30. What did the doctor say?
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31. Us country folks don't run to the doctor
at every sneeze, sniffle, or broken bone.
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32. We are not the spendthrifts you are, Zeke.
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33. Zeke. That one always kills me.
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34. Granny, I love when you come to visit.
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35. Did you bring the picture of him
and the goat?
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36. Never leave home without it.
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37. Yes, sir, I'll be getting a frame for this one.
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38. Hattie.
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39. Hello!
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40. Honey, you are younger and prettier
every time I see you.
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41. Will you look at you two?
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42. - You could enter a beauty contest.
- Grandma.
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43. Really?
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44. I never gave it much thought.
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45. Just think, for the talent portion,
you could twirl a checkbook.
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46. Grandma, are we gonna do
some more crafts while you're here?
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47. We sure are.
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48. Geoffrey!
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49. Yes, madam?
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50. Ashley and l
are going to be doing some art.
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51. We're going to need 50 Popsicle sticks...
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52. two bags of macaroni wheels,
and lots and lots of glitter.
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53. I'm way ahead of you.
In anticipation of your visit...
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54. I have saved two dozen egg cartons.
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55. Thank you, Geoffrey,
but we won't be making purses this time.
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56. Speaking of art, I thought
we could go to the museum.
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57. They have a display on 100-year-old quilts.
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58. I got one of them in the back of my truck.
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59. I know what'd be perfect for Grandma:
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60. A complete day of beauty
where the salon...
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61. does your hair, makeup, nails,
and you come out looking fabulous.
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62. I don't think your grandmother
would be interested.
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63. Then can I do it?
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64. I know we all have plans for Grandma,
but let her relax a little bit first.
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65. Sweetie, I feel fine.
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66. Maybe so, Mama, but...
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67. while you're here
I want you to take it easy.
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68. You are not to lift a finger.
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69. We're gonna treat you like a queen.
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70. You said the magic words.
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71. Excuse me.
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72. Did I just win the Kentucky Derby?
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73. Mr. Banks instructed me
to keep you warm at all times.
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74. Why don't you just light me on fire?
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75. I'm already hotter
than a dog in a wool wagon.
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76. Now git!
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77. While the gitting's good, madam.
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78. Granny, what you doing?
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79. Nothing much, I'm afraid.
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80. Your uncle gave me this book
of find-the-word puzzles.
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81. So I found all the words.
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82. Now what do I do with them?
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83. You shouldn't just be sitting here.
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84. You should do something
you like doing, like...
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85. I don't know...
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86. baking me a sweet potato pie.
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87. Baby, much as I'd like to,
I think your uncle wants me to stay put.
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88. Now that's your first mistake.
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89. He tells me all kinds of stuff to do...
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90. and I never listen to him.
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91. And I'm a better person for it.
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92. How come you're just sitting around?
Don't you have any plans?
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93. No, not really.
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94. You got to have a girl.
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95. No kidding.
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96. There's no one that gets your sap rising?
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97. There's this girl named Tanya,
I met her at the mall.
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98. She works in a fancy men's store where
even the underwear comes from Europe.
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99. I don't know if she'd go out
with anybody in local drawers.
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100. Sets to mind a heifer we once had.
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101. You ain't seen Tanya.
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102. You listen up.
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103. Petunia had two bulls liking her.
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104. One a big strong Angus
with a chest as wide as a Chevy.
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105. That one's me, right?
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106. The other was a slim, handsome Jersey.
A real lady's bull.
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107. Word to Granny. That one's me, right?
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108. All season long,
Petunia just couldn't decide.
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109. So come fall, she ups and picks the Angus.
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110. See?
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111. No.
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112. By then, breeding season was over.
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113. Maybe if you changed it
to cats or something.
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114. Everybody be quiet.
Grandma's probably sleeping.
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115. She's going to love my gift.
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116. I didn't know Leonard Nimoy even sang.
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117. - That was very thoughtful, Carlton.
- Thank you.
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118. I smell something funny.
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119. It smells like pine or something.
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120. I smell it, too.
I thinks it's coming from the kitchen.
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121. What is that smell?
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122. Watch your step. The floor is wet.
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123. Mother, what are you doing?
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124. I'm picking apples from a cherry tree.
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125. What does it look like I'm doing?
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126. I'm giving your floor
a good hand scrubbing.
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127. - That's Geoffrey's job.
- No, it ain't.
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128. I have begun the mulch pile, madam.
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129. Fine, I'll be out to look at it directly,
right after I flip the mattresses.
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130. Hold on, Mama.
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131. Sorry, sir, but she threatened me
with a whupping.
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132. It seems like you're back to your old self.
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133. I have an idea for this afternoon.
I know how proud you are of your azaleas.
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134. Why don't we go to the botanical gardens
and see how theirs stack up?
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135. - I'll get my sweater.
- Why? Mama, you cold?
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136. Geoffrey, turn up the heat.
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137. Sir, I already set the thermostat on 80
as you requested.
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138. The candles are starting to melt.
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139. I just wanted my sweater
because we are going to the gardens.
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140. We can go to the garden later this week.
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141. I want you to get settled in.
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142. I am more settled
than a big old box of raisin bran.
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143. Mama, don't excite yourself.
ls there anything I can get for you?
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144. - How about a magazine?
- Or a game.
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145. Or some moisturizer.
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146. I have an idea.
Why don't we all take a dip in the pool?
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147. Sounds good.
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148. That way we can all get out
and let Mama take a nap.
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149. I want to swim, too.
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150. You shouldn't swim
when getting over the flu.
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151. We'll see you after your nap.
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152. Nap!
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153. Why don't they put me in a playpen?
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154. Yo, DJ Granny.
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155. - What's going on?
- Nothing.
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156. And your uncle aims to keep it that way.
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157. I know he means well...
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158. but a body has to feel useful.
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159. Useful?
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160. You know that girlie advice you gave me?
It worked like a charm.
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161. Really?
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162. I don't remember it exactly...
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163. but I just walked up to her and said:
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164. "Bulls and cows need to get together
before it starts snowing."
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165. And she understood that?
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166. No, but she liked my hair.
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167. We're going out on her first night off.
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168. That's fine.
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169. But I don't have a date
for the concert tonight.
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170. - Who's playing?
- Heavy D.
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171. I love him.
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172. You do?
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173. Who doesn't like Charlie Daniels?
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174. This is another Heavy D, Granny.
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175. Maybe if I play this tape for you.
Check it out.
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176. Not bad.
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177. Can't understand what he's saying...
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178. but it does have a beat to it.
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179. What kind of dance you do to this?
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180. Trust me on this one.
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181. It's very complicated. It takes
a lot of hard study and dedication to learn.
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182. Honey, I ain't got that kind of time.
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183. You're getting there!
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184. This kind of dancing
works up quite an appetite.
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185. What say I make us some flapjacks?
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186. Granny, will you marry me?
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187. Sweet talker!
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188. This is the good part.
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189. I'll turn up the Victrola.
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190. Yeah!
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191. Go, Granny.
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192. What's going on in here?
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193. Mama, are you all right?
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194. Of course I am. Take your hands off of me.
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195. Will, why were you playing that music?
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196. Grandma's supposed to be resting.
You're grounded.
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197. Grounded? All I did
was play some music loud.
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198. Sounds more like
a no-dessert offense, isn't it?
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199. You heard what I said.
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200. All right, Uncle Philip...
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201. I got backstage passes
to the Heavy D concert.
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202. You say yourself how awful rap music is.
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203. Let's say we make that my punishment.
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204. Please don't make me go.
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205. Nice try, Will.
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206. Don't get so worked up.
I was just having fun.
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207. Mama, a woman your age
should not be dancing around.
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208. Boy, don't you tell me what to do.
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209. I'm sorry. I was just trying
to look out for you.
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210. Will, no more horsing around.
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211. "Will, no more horsing around."
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212. That boy is about as much fun
as day-old oatmeal.
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213. I noticed that.
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214. Granny, since we're both grounded...
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215. want to go upstairs, slam
our bedroom doors, and throw things?
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216. A woman my age shouldn't be dancing.
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217. We'll see about that.
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218. Spoiling my fun.
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219. Yours?
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220. I can't believe
I'm not going to that concert.
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221. You are going to that concert.
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222. - I am?
- That's right.
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223. With me.
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224. But Uncle Phil won't let us.
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225. Uncle Phil won't see us.
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226. Sneaking out? You?
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227. Honey, you are looking at a woman...
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228. who has snuck out to more barn dances...
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229. hayrides, and midnight skinny-dips
than a chicken has pecks.
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230. All right!
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231. Looks like you've got plans
for the evening.
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232. Yeah.
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233. Got me a couple of extra pillows.
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234. I like to turn in early at my age.
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235. - Would you like some hot chocolate?
- Lord, no!
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236. Don't need the stimulation.
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237. - Good night.
- Good night, honey.
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238. That was close.
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239. But I was cool.
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240. Good work 0070.
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241. Now here's the plan.
The concert starts at 8:00.
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242. My friend Jazz
will meet us at the corner at 7:00.
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243. He'll flash his lights twice,
then drive us to the Bel-Air border.
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244. There, we'll meet with a guy
known only as the Captain.
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245. He'll drive us the rest of the way.
No questions asked.
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246. What's the code words?
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247. Here's $10.
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248. Got you.
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249. You're going to be ready to go?
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250. No problem.
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251. Good, you'll blend in.
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252. I brought these pillows
to put them in our beds...
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253. so they think we're sleeping.
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254. Nice try, but today
it's all done electronically.
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255. Check it.
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256. That's lovely, dear.
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257. My brother...
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258. for the last time, she is not Queen Latifah.
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259. Finally we're here.
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260. For a minute, I thought Uncle Phil
saw us out that window.
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261. What a hideous expression on his face.
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262. Word. Thank God he just had
a mouthful of Gummy Bears.
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263. You want to sit down?
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264. Don't you start treating me
like an old person.
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265. What do we do first?
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266. Buy T-shirts and get something to eat.
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267. Good idea.
I think we can both use some chilidogs...
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268. with lots of cheese. Listen, I'm paying.
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269. Granny, that marriage proposal
still stands.
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270. What do you mean
your grandma wasn't in her room?
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271. I went to tell her good night...
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272. there were just pillows under the covers.
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273. Where on earth
would she get an idea like that?
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274. Will!
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275. How could he still be sleeping?
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276. Look at this.
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277. I can't believe how low Will will stoop
to deceive you.
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278. With this tape, who knows
how many times he could sneak out...
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279. for a whole night completely unnoticed.
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280. - You think Will and Grandma are all right?
- I'm sure they are.
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281. Okay, I'm going to bed.
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282. I don't understand.
Where would they be at this hour?
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283. The Heavy D concert.
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284. I accidentally
overheard Will on the phone...
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285. when I was trying to clean my receiver.
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286. Will probably
dragged my mother with him.
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287. - I'm going down there.
- I'm going with you. It's a rap concert.
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288. You want to be with someone
who knows how to be hip.
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289. $10 for a T-shirt. That boy must be crazy.
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290. I still ain't sure how you managed to get it
for $1.25 and a picture of Grandpa.
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291. I've been thinking.
Maybe we should call home.
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292. I know how it is. I've been a parent.
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293. I've been a kid, and the answer is...
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294. bad choice, Joyce.
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295. I mean, they'd kill us.
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296. Twice over.
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297. I'm sorry to bother you.
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298. Miss Fitzgerald?
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299. I'm a big fan of yours.
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300. Can I have your picture taken with me?
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301. Come on, she's not—
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302. Ever too busy for a fan.
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303. They had backstage passes.
It shouldn't be too hard to find them.
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304. Let's hurry up. This is weird.
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305. Can you believe how these kids dress?
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306. It's beginning to get to me.
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307. Excuse me a moment. I just...
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308. Could I see your backstage pass, please?
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309. I don't have one.
I'm here looking for my mother.
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310. And your sister knows
a member of the band, right?
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311. You groupies are all alike.
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312. I am not a groupie.
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313. Call it what you like, but take it from me,
Heavy D doesn't want to hear you rap.
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314. Where do you think you're going?
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315. Pardon me.
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316. Have you seen a kid
in wild, colorful clothing...
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317. with an earring in his ear
and the sides of his head shaved?
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318. Nope.
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319. You better get to your seat,
the concert's about to start.
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320. I'm not here to see some stupid concert.
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321. Never mind. I'll find him myself.
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322. He couldn't have gotten too far.
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323. Everybody, put your hands together
for Heavy D!
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324. Boo!
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325. When the crowd saw
he wasn't Heavy D, they was upset.
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326. Uncle Phil, you had
the shortest rap career in history.
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327. But I do feel bad.
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328. All the trouble we caused you.
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329. Yeah, you're right. Me, too.
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330. Oh, well!
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331. You all should've seen Granny.
She was great.
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332. She climbed down
from the second story window...
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333. then she ran to Jazz's car...
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334. then helped push it up the hill
when it stalled.
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335. Philip, I think you're right.
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336. I don't think Hattie's up to
seeing those azaleas tomorrow.
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337. Why, I sure am, and after that...
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338. Hilary and I are going to get those facials.
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339. Grandma, you haven't lived
until you've had a mud mask.
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340. What people don't pay for in Beverly Hills.
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341. - Good night, Grandma.
- Good night.
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342. And then, Ashley, baby...
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343. you and I are going to make us
some macaroni rain hats.
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344. Great!
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345. - Good night, Grandma.
- Good night, precious.
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346. After all that activity,
you're going to need a rest.
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347. That's when you can tell me
more about your schoolwork, dear.
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348. Excellent!
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349. - Good night, Grandma.
- Good night, baby.
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350. You know, Granny,
you were a great date tonight.
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351. You showed me a great time.
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352. And to thank you...
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353. tomorrow I'm going to bake you
a sweet potato pie.
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354. Granny, I don't think
you should be waking up all early.
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355. Let's get started on it now.
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356. Will, I think it's time for bed.
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357. - Good night, Granny.
- Good night, baby.
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358. - Good night, Mama.
- Good night, darling.
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359. Don't go giving me that look, Zeke.
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360. That's the same look you give me
at the county fair...
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361. when I wouldn't
let you climb up the greasy pole.
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362. Now, you're not
all that mad with me, are you?
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363. Mama, yes, I am.
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364. I try to set some rules down for Will...
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365. and you undermined my authority.
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366. I know how to handle things.
I am an adult.
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367. I am, too, Zeke.
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368. - I know that.
- Do you?
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369. How many adults do you tell
to take a nap?
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370. Mama, I was just worried about you.
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371. But I'm fine, baby.
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372. I know.
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373. When you had the flu
and I talked to you on the phone...
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374. you sounded so small.
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375. I just want you to live a long time.
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376. Then, Zeke...
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377. let me live.
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