The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 1, Episode 13

Directed by Jeff Melman

Sarah Buxton as Kimmy • Lisa Fuller as Toni • Beverly Jackson as Cindy

Hilary becomes Will's personal maid when he threatens to disclose she's dropped out of UCLA.

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1. I wish I could see your sisters face when she finds Courtney's frog in her bed

2. you and me both

3. this is gonna be good

4. if she doesn't scream soon, I'm going to have to give my frog a drink

5. ferdinand gets dehydrated

6. it's will and Hillary. Open up

7. ahh!

8. Oh no! We're all gonna die!

9. We just wanted to say goodnight

10. we're going to bed just as soon as we finish this frog leg soup

11. frog leg soup?

12. It's mmm mmm good!

13. I wish you could all have some, but there wasn't enough frog to make more than two bowls

14. can I have a bite?

15. Sasha, they're eating ferdinand

16. ferdinand?

17. This is a guy frog?

18. Ferdinand!

19. Nighty night

20. don't let the snails bite

21. That's funny. I thought she said she put snakes in your sleeping bags

22. aahhh!

23. Psych! Psych! Psych! Psych!

24. Um. That means just kidding

25. nighty night

26. will, tell us a scary story, please.

27. O.K., but I hope everybody's ready

28. to be scared to death.

29. Yes! Yes!

30. Oh, wait. Hold up. Scream for me one time.

31. Aah! Aah! Aah!

32. O.K., that's good. That's good.

33. O.K.

34. I got a scary story, but I have to warn you...

35. It's really, truly frightening.

36. Any of you have pacemakers on?

37. No. No. No.

38. All right. See, what makes this story so scary

39. is that it's true.

40. It happened to a guy named will... Bert.

41. Wilbert Smith... Sonian.

42. See, wilbert Smithsonian grew up in Philly.

43. He went to school in the hood, right?

44. But this school he went to was so tough,

45. I mean, it was graffiti everywhere,

46. even on the principal.

47. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

48. But that's not the scary part.

49. It all happened right here in bel-air

50. when wilbert was transferred to a private school.

51. It was a living nightmare.

52. "Enter as boys, leave as men"?

53. How long they trying to keep us here?

54. Banker, what do you know?

55. It's who you know that counts.

56. Carlton, how you doing?

57. Wallace.

58. Chadster!

59. Bankster!

60. Hey, I'd like you to meet my cousin—

61. willster!

62. So, studmaster general,

63. what's the word on coed tennis camp?

64. I got a lot out of it, amigo.

65. Scored big on and off the court.

66. Way to play.

67. I kid you not.

68. Women faint at this man's feet.

69. Odor eaters work for me.

70. Outrageous. This guy's seriously twisted.

71. He gets in a good one now and then.

72. Will Smith?

73. Oh, will, this is Simon stanhope,

74. our student council president.

75. It's my job to give you the tour.

76. Yo. I took the universal tour.

77. You know that earthquake ride?

78. Aah!

79. Look out!

80. Here comes the subway car!

81. Excuse my cousin.

82. He just doesn't know.

83. As I was saying, this is our founder,

84. and those are the first students

85. of the bel-air academy,

86. and they all carved their names on this,

87. the alumni desk.

88. And these are the championship oars

89. that we retired in 1957.

90. Y'all don't throw nothing away.

91. Will Smith?

92. I'm Edward fellows III, but call me ned, o.K.?

93. O.K.

94. You've been assigned to my lit class,

95. so I read your records.

96. We're both coming from the same place.

97. You're from Philly?

98. Shaker heights, Ohio.

99. But when I was doing research

100. on my main man Langston Hughes, I lived in Harlem.

101. Believe me, those two weeks changed my life.

102. "I bathed in the euphrates when dawns were young.

103. "I built my hut by the Congo,

104. "and it lulled me to sleep.

105. My soul has grown deep like the waters."

106. I can tell.

107. Hey, listen. I've got a mean collection of jazz platters.

108. Anytime you feel like grooving,

109. come over and get down with my bad self.

110. Seriously. You have any problems, questions?

111. Where are all the fly honeys?

112. Fly honeys?

113. Yeah, girls.

114. Oh, will, this is an all-boys' school.

115. Greetings bel-airdales. We're the alligaroos.

116. We're taking this opportunity

117. to tell you new students to...

118. wilbert saw their evil plan.

119. They were trying to break him.

120. First, they said it was an all-boys' school.

121. Then they tortured him

122. with a half an hour of Broadway show tunes,

123. but he wouldn't break.

124. Then they went ballistic.

125. They brought in the evil teacher, Dr. Bloat.

126. Enter the bloat.

127. 5... 4...

128. 3... 2...

129. I am Dr. B "period" lanford...

130. Oates.

131. And you are...

132. Alan, banks, downer, fales, hunt, lieberbaum,

133. Smith, Smith.

134. William Smith.

135. Mm-hmm.

136. Uh, stanhope, sterling, svenson—

137. yo!

138. Mr. Svenson?

139. Ja?

140. Mr. Smith, how good of you to join us.

141. Mr. Smith, look around.

142. Do you see any difference

143. between yourself and the other young gentlemen?

144. Is that like a trick question?

145. The tie, Mr. Smith. The tie.

146. Kindly consult that section of the rule book

147. pertaining to neckwear.

148. Section three, paragraph four, which states,

149. "a tie must be worn with a windsor knot,"

150. but it doesn't say where.

151. Take a seat.

152. Now may we turn our attention to history?

153. Thomas paine once wrote—

154. ooh ooh ooh ooh!

155. Mr. Smith?

156. Weren't you the bad guy in goldfinger?

157. Hey, smooth.

158. Yeah. Looking great.

159. Yeah. It's a little something I put together.

160. Smith.

161. Ho!

162. My man lieberbaum.

163. Right. First name kellogg.

164. Listen, cornflake.

165. "Ho" is definitely not a word that you want to yell.

166. I think the word you're looking for is "yo."

167. Yo?

168. Yeah. It'll be easy to remember.

169. It's like "oy" backwards.

170. All right.

171. Will. Yo.

172. May I have a word?

173. You got something you want to say?

174. Can you be serious for just one moment?

175. This is your first day.

176. You're rubbing a lot of people the wrong way.

177. Carlton, here in boys' town,

178. I don't want to rub anybody any way.

179. That's not funny.

180. Nothing you say is funny.

181. What, did you, like, pass out in history class?

182. The people who count were laughing at you,

183. not with you.

184. I mean it, will.

185. When you're snubbed, don't say I didn't warn you.

186. Hi, will. Hey, will. How's it going?

187. Oh, there you are.

188. O.K., here comes chadney.

189. Just lay low and watch how it's done.

190. You free this weekend, smitty?

191. My parents are throwing a weekend bash

192. at our compound in Malibu—

193. badminton, the lobster boil, you know, the usual.

194. Ah, yes, the usual.

195. The chadster's Malibu bashes are legendary.

196. Oh, yeah, Carlton. You should come, too.

197. Bang bang.

198. Wah!

199. Hyah!

200. my man Geoffrey.

201. Master William.

202. You know what I could go for right now?

203. Some paté.

204. Then by all means, go.

205. Might I recommend the gourmet deli on roxbury?

206. No, no, no.

207. When I said I could go for it,

208. I mean, like, I want it,

209. like you go for it.

210. Wilbert thought his first day at bel-air academy

211. was a big success.

212. When he told his aunt and Uncle, they were thrilled.

213. This is cause for celebration.

214. Geoffrey, will did well at school.

215. This calls for champagne.

216. There's been a tragedy at the school.

217. The alumni desk has been cruelly and wantonly defaced.

218. What happened?

219. Someone carved "fresh" in it.

220. They have a theory about who did it.

221. Th-th-th-they do?

222. They think it was a freshman

223. who got halfway through and lost his cool.

224. He lost his cool? That's funny.

225. Fresh means cool, right, will?

226. I can't keep up with this crazy teenage slang.

227. But I thought they call you the fresh prince?

228. Day damn one, Vivian.

229. Day damn one.

230. Champagne.

231. Cork it.

232. Well, all I can say to you, will,

233. is tsk squared.

234. You thought you had the school all figured out.

235. Oh, no. You didn't need my advice.

236. All right, Carlton, what is your brilliant advice?

237. I'll tell you.

238. March straight into school tomorrow and confess.

239. I'm serious, will.

240. There's such a thing as the honor code.

241. There's such a thing as dog dumb, too.

242. You don't intend to tell them?

243. Maybe on my deathbed.

244. Then on your conscience be it.

245. Before we begin the class,

246. I must speak about the atrocious defiling

247. of our sacred alumni desk.

248. Fingerprint analysis has shown

249. it is the handiwork of our resident hoodlum, William Smith.

250. Aah!

251. And may we turn our attention

252. to another important figure in American history.

253. Dolly Madison was

254. one of our most influential first ladies,

255. and not, as Mr. Smith contends,

256. the manufacturer of ring-dings.

257. In the short time left, I'd like to address

258. the infamous act of vandalism which occurred here yesterday.

259. The desecration of our desk is indeed sad,

260. but even sadder is the fact

261. that no one's come forward with a confession.

262. So if anybody knows—

263. he did it.

264. Can you believe it?

265. Wilbert was accused by his evil cousin Carlton—

266. I mean, carlbert.

267. I don't get what's scary about this story.

268. There aren't any werewolves or vampires or anything.

269. Ah, but we're coming to the scary part.

270. Poor wilbert was brought to trial

271. before the scariest monsters of all—

272. preppies.

273. As president of student council,

274. I declare this tribunal in session.

275. Let's begin by hearing from Mr. Smith.

276. Will, will you finally take my advice?

277. Let me do the talking for you.

278. Gentlemen, my cousin has committed a vicious crime.

279. He could not be guiltier.

280. Oh, yeah. That's what I would have said.

281. The fact is,

282. young will has not yet developed the social skills

283. to adapt to the rarefied atmosphere

284. of bel-air academy

285. or parties in Malibu.

286. I recommend we put him on probation,

287. ban him from all clubs, sports,

288. special events...

289. The alligaroos.

290. No, not the alligaroos.

291. Probation is not enough.

292. If Smith isn't expelled,

293. it will be an invitation to anarchy.

294. I have to say

295. that I am appalled at this tribunal's lack of sensitivity.

296. Speak on, bro.

297. We can't judge will Smith by our standards.

298. He doesn't even speak our language.

299. Where he grew up, the word "bad" means "good."

300. Doesn't that say it all?

301. Fight the power.

302. Will, do you have anything to say?

303. Well, yeah.

304. I—I—I didn't think

305. y'all was going to get so mad

306. for me writing my name on an old desk.

307. I'd never write my name on a new desk.

308. That's vandalism.

309. But those guys carved their name in a new desk.

310. They got their picture on the wall.

311. Well, that's totally different.

312. The alumni carved their names

313. so people would remember them as part of the school.

314. That's why I did it.

315. That's ridiculous.

316. You're trying to ruin our school.

317. He isn't.

318. Lieberbaum, you're out of order.

319. He's not ruining the school.

320. He's making it better.

321. Word up, cornflake.

322. I don't mean to dis you guys,

323. but if will's expelled, I'm leaving, too,

324. and—and—and

325. I'm taking my dad's checkbook with me.

326. Free will! Free will!

327. Free will!

328. Free will!

329. Free will!

330. Free will!

331. Free will!

332. Well, I'm going to bed.

333. I hope you realize how lucky you were

334. you weren't kicked out of school.

335. Lucky? I'm working every day after school

336. to pay off the desk repair.

337. Before I cry myself to sleep...

338. May I leave you with a few words of advice?

339. If at some point tomorrow,

340. or during my lifetime for that matter,

341. you come up with another brilliant idea

342. for something to do at school, stop.

343. Do nothing.

344. Just stand there.

345. Could you do that for me?

346. Sorry, Uncle Phil. I wasn't listening.

347. What did you say?

348. Oh, no.

349. Will, before I go to bed,

350. I just want to say

351. I was proud of you tonight, old sport.

352. Kudos. You took your punishment like a man.

353. That's all you got to say?

354. Good night?

355. Carlton, you five-ohed me, man.

356. Excuse me?

357. You dimed me out.

358. Pardon?

359. You tattled on me, o.K.?

360. I did it for your own good.

361. You weren't going to tell.

362. You didn't give me a chance.

363. You're not worried about my own good.

364. You're just worried about yourself.

365. It may seem like that now,

366. but one day, you will—

367. oh, Carlton, shut up!

368. Man.

369. I know what this is about.

370. You thought you were this hotshot at school,

371. and I'd be your charity case,

372. but I took your juice.

373. Will, let me explain something to you.

374. In this society,

375. we have this silly little thing called order,

376. and we have rules to preserve that order.

377. If we let people break the rules,

378. there would be chaos.

379. We have rules where I'm from.

380. They say you don't rat.

381. The more you cling to your old ways

382. and refuse to listen to reality,

383. the harder it'll be

384. for you to fit in with my friends.

385. You just don't get it, do you, man?

386. I don't want your friends.

387. If I woke up one morning and had your friends

388. and was an alligaroo and wore those cute shirts

389. with the little horses on them,

390. I'd jump off the empire state building

391. and hope to catch my eyelid on a nail.

392. With quips like that,

393. it's no wonder you're the toast of the town.

394. Good night, will.

395. Master William.

396. I have been informed

397. that due to your new after-school employment,

398. you will no longer be requiring your customary 4:00 snack.

399. Could this be true?

400. Yeah, afraid so, g.

401. I might not even get home till dinnertime

402. if that early.

403. What a pity.

404. Out of curiosity,

405. just what is the nature of your enforced labor?

406. Kitchen duty—

407. fetching, cleaning, carrying, that kind of stuff.

408. Indeed.

409. Oh, well, chin up.

410. Ha ha ha ha!

411. Now, picture this if you will,

412. wilbert in a kitchen wearing a hair net?

413. If that's not scary, I don't know what is.

414. You got to do me a favor.

415. Raise your right hand.

416. I want your solemn promise

417. that if any of you ever meets wilbert Smithsonian,

418. you won't tell him I told you this story.

419. Swear?

420. I swear, wilbert Smithsonian.

421. Will's cold busted.