The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1x10

1. Aah!

2. See, I told them you were awake.

3. (all) Happy birthday, Geoffrey!

4. Oh, my! I'm so touched.

5. Um, may I get you anything?

6. Geoffrey, don't be silly.

7. You're always worried about pleasing us.

8. But today it's Saturday, we're home

9. and we're waiting on you.

10. But, but this is highly irregular.

11. Geoffrey, I don't wanna hear it.

12. Today we're your butlers.

13. Here's breakfast in bed.

14. Is there anything else you would like?

15. - Um, a spot of tea. - Carlton.

16. - Will. - Ashley.

17. Hilary.

18. I'll get the tea.

19. Would you like anything with that?

20. Geoffrey, relax. It's your birthday.

21. And we're going to do all of your most hated chores.

22. But, sir, I don't hate any of my chores.

23. Well, we do.

24. So, Geoffrey, are you gonna do

25. anything special for your birthday?

26. Oh, most assuredly, Ms. Ashley.

27. Tonight I will be enjoying a BBC broadcast

28. of Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore"

29. followed by a penetrating interview by David Frost.

30. Ooh! And they say the man can't party.

31. Well, Geoffrey, before we get you your tea

32. there's something else we'd like to do for you.

33. Carlton, put away that tired old kazoo, please.

34. Get busy for me one time, skinny A.

35. Did you see that look on Geoffrey's face? He just lit up.

36. I never thought I'd say this, but it feels really good

37. to do something for somebody else for a change.

38. Aren't we supposed to make him some tea?

39. Oh, right.

40. Ashley, honey, how'd you like to go into the kitchen

41. and introduce Mr. Tea Bag and Mr. Teapot

42. to Mr. Boiling Water?

43. Hilary, how would you like to make the tea

44. before I take away Mr. Allowance?

45. Mother, please! Don't talk down to me.

46. Yo, yo, yo, yo, I got it, I know

47. what I'mma get G for his birthday.

48. - What? - Here.

49. Let me give you a hint.

50. Little Richard?

51. Oh, shut up!

52. No, no, no. I want to hook Geoffrey up with a woman, man.

53. - You know, so he can get busy. - Ah.

54. I think Geoffrey's busy enough, what with all his chores.

55. You, you don't get it..

56. It's, look, it's Geoffrey's birthday

57. and he's just staying up in the bat cave

58. listening to his radio.

59. I mean, straight up, the man is depressed.

60. No, he's not depressed. He's British.

61. It's the man's birthday. Leave him alone.

62. If Geoffrey is interested, I don't see any harm

63. in introducing him to a nice woman.

64. - Oh, here she goes. - Here what goes?

65. Your poor Aunt Vivian seems to think she's a matchmaker.

66. In her mind, she's kind of the Chuck Woolery of Bel-Air.

67. It's not just my opinion, Carlton.

68. When I was in college, I introduced

69. three different couples and they all got married.

70. And by your fifth reunion, they were all divorced.

71. Look, I just get them to the altar.

72. After that they're on their own.

73. People, people, please!

74. I do not want to hear your dirty laundry.

75. Geoffrey deserves a woman interested

76. in a serious, long-lasting relationship.

77. And I know exactly where to find her.

78. The mall!

79. Wait till Geoffrey sees this.

80. When I'm done, he won't have to polish this for a month.

81. Look, Philip, I can see myself.

82. Well, I can't.

83. Ooh! Ah..

84. Argh! Stay smooth!

85. Don't buckle!

86. Oh!

87. Hilary, what's the problem?

88. I've never wrapped a present before.

89. Geoffrey's always wrapped my presents.

90. Geoffrey?

91. Hilary, you can't ask him to wrap his own present.

92. Oh, I guess that's another one of those unwritten rules.

93. Man! Yo, two hours at the mall.

94. - And I ain't get no girls. - Well, what did you expect?

95. You went to the mall with girl-away there.

96. For your information, Hilary

97. Jazz here happens to be the master

98. when it comes to cracking on the girls.

99. Yo, the boy is irresistible.

100. Sure, maybe during a blackout.

101. I'd love to get a hold of you during a blackout.

102. Daddy..

103. Aah!

104. Ah, that's better. Now, where were we?

105. Well, in honor of Geoffrey's birthday

106. we are preparing an incredible feast.

107. Beefstroganoff, potatoesau gratin

108. and apple brown Betty.

109. Hm, sounds delicious. When will it be ready?

110. In 55 seconds. Just tell us when to zap it.

111. Could you put a hold on dinner, please?

112. I'm trying to find Geoffrey a girl.

113. The words "Mission impossible" come to mind.

114. - I know someone. - Really?

115. Uh-huh. You know my friend, Samantha?

116. Um, Ashley, maybe I should explain

117. some of the finer points of the law to you.

118. I was gonna say that Samantha has this nice, sweet nanny

119. who just came from England.

120. And she says Helen has nothing to do

121. and she just sits in her room at night, knitting.

122. Ooh! I smell a match.

123. So how long has this nanny been in America?

124. - Two weeks. - Perfect.

125. A lonely woman, new to our country.

126. She probably won't even notice what a Melvin Geoffrey is.

127. Yo, Geoffrey!

128. Hey, Ashley, you go invite her. Go ahead.

129. Hey, come on, the rest of y'all beat it.

130. You bellowed, Master William?

131. Yeah, I've been thinking about it, G, and straight up, man

132. I'm not down with you being lonely on your birthday.

133. But I shall be far from lonely, Master William.

134. I shall be spending the evening with the glorious music

135. of Sir William Schwenck Gilbert and Sir Arthur Sullivan

136. not to mention David Frost.

137. Well, so far, I count you plus three guys.

138. I just thought you might prefer a woman.

139. I'm not making too big an assumption here, am I?

140. As it happens, I like women just fine

141. but I think it's a bad idea

142. for a butler to intertwine his private life

143. with that of the family.

144. Surely, you gleaned that much

145. from watching "Mr. Belvedere."

146. But, G, there's this nice old British nanny Ashley knows.

147. And, man, she really, really wants to go out with you.

148. - Sorry, Master William. - But Ashley..

149. - Already invited her. - What?

150. I told her that was a little pushy, but you know kids.

151. This is just regrettable.

152. I mean, come on, it ain't so bad, G.

153. I mean, it's your patriotic duty

154. to show your countrywoman a good time.

155. G, don't do it for yourself. Do it for the king.

156. Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint King Elizabeth.

157. Yo, G, Helen is gonna be here any minute.

158. Come on, baby, hook it up.

159. I'm hooking as fast as I can.

160. Don't be such a wanker.

161. - Well, what are you gonna wear? - Voila.

162. Oh, no, no, no, no, no

163. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

164. I mean, come on, G, Hilary's taking you and Helen

165. to the fliest club in LA, man.

166. I mean, my buddy Jazz is the DJ there.

167. He said the place is all of that.

168. All what?

169. Look, look, forget it, uh..

170. G, I don't think you understand, man.

171. I mean, you got a kind of a Ben Vereen thing

172. going here, man.

173. I mean, uh, come on, baby.

174. You got to dress a lot funkier than that.

175. Funkier?

176. There. Pure, unadulterated funk.

177. Alright, look-look, G, forget about looking cool.

178. I mean, let's concentrate on acting cool.

179. Don't talk to me about cool, Master William.

180. During the '70s I was briefly employed

181. as Led Zeppelin's road butler.

182. Look, G, when the music starts pumping

183. and it's time to get on the dance floor

184. this is what you do.

185. Now you give it a try.

186. I would be most happy to, Master William

187. but to the best of my knowledge, hell has not yet frozen over.

188. Oh, madam, sir

189. a round-trip ticket to England. Thank you.

190. We thought it would be nice for you to see your family.

191. Oh, yes, I suppose I should drop in on them.

192. This is from Ashley and me.

193. Of course, I paid the lion's share.

194. Happy birthday, Geoffrey.

195. English leather.

196. English toffee.

197. An English muffin.

198. Yeah, that sounds like my present, G.

199. But I'll leave the unwrapping to you.

200. Oh, Will, must you be so ribald?

201. I'm not gonna answer that till I have a lawyer

202. and a dictionary present.

203. I'll get Helen.

204. Here's my present, Geoffrey. Happy birthday.

205. I wrapped it myself.

206. Thank you, Ms. Hilary.

207. Oh, this is most generous.

208. Look, Geoffrey, I know I boss you around too much.

209. So this gift is my way of making up for it.

210. Hilary, sweetheart, you could also stop bossing him around.

211. Okay, then I'll keep the sweater.

212. - 'He's right this way, Helen.' - Yo, happy birthday, G.

213. Get ready to have your candles blown out.

214. Geoffrey, I'd like you to meet Samantha's nanny, Helen Carter.

215. Helen, I'd like you to meet Geoffrey.

216. Charmed.

217. It's nice to meet you, Geoffrey.

218. From the children's description

219. I thought you'd be much older.

220. Ditto.

221. And this is my mom, my dad

222. Hilary, Will and Carlton.

223. You can call me Tony.

224. What are you trying to pull here, Tony the tiger?

225. I didn't start it. Did you see the way she looked at me?

226. Share the fantasy, Carlton.

227. I was just trying to be friendly.

228. Hey, look, well, park your welcome wagon elsewhere, homes.

229. That's Geoffrey's date.

230. She'll be dancing with him, but she'll be thinking of me.

231. Uh, so, uh, Helen, I'm Will.

232. Welcome to our humble crib.

233. Oh, Ashley, this must be that houseboy

234. you were telling me about.

235. That's homeboy, Helen.

236. Oh.

237. Oh, sorry.

238. I'm so glad you could make it tonight, Helen.

239. This is working out just beautifully!

240. The two of you look so wonderful together.

241. How many lives do you have to ruin, Vivian?

242. So, Helen, what part of England are you from?

243. Allow me, Ms. Hilary.

244. You can tell a lot from a person's accent.

245. - You're from London, of course. - Of course.

246. - I'm guessing West End. - Why, yes.

247. - Chilton Road? - That's right.

248. Upstairs above Shrimpton & Son?

249. Close. One more block up, next to Bottomley's.

250. Well, it has been a while.

251. Oh, isn't this cute?

252. You have so much in common.

253. You both speak English!

254. And to this day it remains the largest rhino

255. ever to be taken with a bow and arrow.

256. Geoffrey, this is fascinating.

257. It's like going out with James Bond.

258. You're not the first to have made that comparison.

259. Well, I'm going to go mingle.

260. The A list really turned out tonight.

261. Really?

262. Look, that's Tom Cruise's pool cleaner

263. and that's Cher's electrolysist and that's Heather Locklear.

264. Hey, beautiful, I see you've come to make up.

265. Like, what's with the band-aid? Was your brain leaking?

266. I hit the pavement kind of hard

267. when your dad threw me out the house.

268. I guess you could call it a love scar.

269. Perhaps I haven't been clear in the past.

270. I don't like talking to you. I don't even like seeing you.

271. So, please, just go away.

272. I love a flirt.

273. Will, what are you doing here? Leave Geoffrey and Helen alone.

274. Hilary, Hilary, what do you think I am?

275. I mean, I came down here merely to hang out

276. with my good friend, Jazz.

277. Well, while you're at it, hose him down.

278. Oh, I got to run. There's Demi Moore's cable man.

279. Yo, yo, yo, J, what up, baby?

280. Yo!

281. - Shh! - Shh!

282. Yo, I think your cousin's

283. really starting to warm up to me.

284. - Yeah, right. - What's wrong with you?

285. Yo, man, peep out that babe G's with.

286. - You mean, Wonder Woman? - Yo, man.

287. Check this out, I got the worst luck in the world.

288. Now, you know, all the babes I messed with in Bel-Air

289. been whacked, right?

290. - I follow you so far. - Uh, yo.

291. I go to hook G up with an old British nanny

292. it turns out to be her.

293. She don't look too old to me.

294. I know, Jazz. She's perfect.

295. Homey, I'm in love.

296. I mean, G didn't wanna go out with her in the first place.

297. I don't know what you guys do in Philly

298. but in LA we don't give stuff like that away.

299. Well, I don't know what you guys do in LA

300. but in Philly you crack on somebody's honey

301. you mess around and get yourself killed!

302. Well, I don't know what you guys do in Philly

303. but in LA we're man enough to take that risk.

304. My brother, you wanna take this outside?

305. Calm down, man. Listen. Tell me, how does your butler dance?

306. I mean, like he dresses. Why?

307. I'll throw on some house music

308. won't be able to hang out on the dance floor.

309. You could pick up all the pieces.

310. Yo, we got a brother in the house tonight.

311. He's celebrating his birthday. He's my main man, Geoffrey.

312. So, everybody, clear the dance floor

313. and let him and his lady get busy.

314. Well, Helen, care to cut a rug?

315. Smashing.

316. Like an angel in flight.

317. Yeah, he is better than I thought he'd be.

318. Hey, hey, they're doing the lambada!

319. That's the forbidden dance.

320. Hey! It's like this, right?

321. Oh, oh, "Mississippi Burning," right?

322. I'm getting that feeling ofdeja vu.

323. Aah!

324. Vivian, I'm trying to concentrate.

325. Could you turn that down, please?

326. I'm sorry, honey. Maybe this will help?

327. Saturday night

328. we always used to go out dancing Saturday nights.

329. Well, maybe we can do some in-house dancing.

330. Aww!

331. What are you doing home?

332. Yo, man, I sort of bounced home, man.

333. Yo, they threw me out the club.

334. - Why? - Well..

335. It all started when your man, Geoffrey

336. started doing the lambada.

337. - Geoffrey does a lambada? - That's the forbidden dance.

338. Well, you guys, you guys missed the night of the year.

339. Geoffrey is an amazing dancer. He was doing back flips.

340. Back flips?

341. Isn't he cute?

342. - Goodnight, Geoffrey. - Goodnight, Ms. Hilary.

343. Yeah, so I think we'll go up, too.

344. Goodnight, everyone. And thanks for a lovely birthday.

345. - Yo, G? - Yes?

346. 'Hold on.'

347. Um...

348. I guess, um, I shouldn't have busted your groove

349. at the club, man.

350. And, uh, I guess, uh, what I want to say is, is, uh

351. i-it's all Jazz's fault, man.

352. Sit down, lad.

353. Master William

354. for you a birthday's a time to paint the town red.

355. But for me it's a time of reflection

356. a time to review one's successes and regrets.

357. I must say, one of my regrets has always been

358. the fact that I never had a son.

359. I have so much advice to pass on to the next generation

360. but no one to tell it to.

361. Ooh, look at the time.

362. Phew! Boy, I'm bushed.

363. Sit, William.

364. My boy..

365. a man is much more than the job he holds

366. or the clothes he wears.

367. For example, if I were to judge you by your costume

368. I should guess you were some kind of circus performer.

369. That's pretty cool, G.

370. But you made the same assumptions about me.

371. You assumed I was lonely.

372. You assumed I wouldn't know

373. how to comport myself at a night spot.

374. You assumed I was a poor dancer.

375. I hope the events of tonight have proved to you

376. that I am, as the saying goes

377. a fairly fly individual.

378. Well, uh, Helen sure thinks so.

379. Ah, Helen.

380. She's certainly a hot little number

381. but I'm afraid she and I were mismatched.

382. Ah, she was a little too young for you, huh?

383. Quite the contrary.

384. I'm afraid I was a little too intimidating

385. for the poor girl.

386. She's looking for someone a little slower

387. a little less sophisticated.

388. I could be slower. I-I..

389. I'm-I'm sure I could be less sophisticated.

390. She sensed that.

391. Here's her phone number. She's expecting your call.

392. It isn't important that I got the date with Helen.

393. The important thing is

394. I learned to appreciate Geoffrey

395. as a human being.

396. And Geoffrey and I have a deeper relationship.