1. Family,
I have an announcement.
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2. Listen, playboy's
doing a pictorial
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3. on the prettiest
weather girls
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4. from coast to coast.
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5. They're going
to call it...
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6. "Warm fronts."
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7. And they want me
to be in it.
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8. Absolutely not.
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9. But, daddy, don't you even want
to hear what I have to say?
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10. You heard
our father! No!
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11. Carlton,
what do you care?
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12. Look, I will not be
publicly embarrassed
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13. by a potential scandal.
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14. Now, now,
don't get your underoos
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15. in a knot, stumpy.
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16. Hilary knows
what she's doing.
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17. Wait a minute.
I haven't even decided—
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18. whoa, quiet, hilary.
Work with me here, hil.
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19. I can see it now—
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20. long afternoons kicking back
on a chaise lounge
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21. watching full-body
contact volleyball
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22. up at hef's place.
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23. Hilary, as long as
you live in my house,
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24. you will abide
by my rules,
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25. and that goes
for the rest of you.
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26. That's telling us, dad.
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27. Wait.
I am 24 years old,
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28. and I can make
my own decisions.
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29. Besides,
mom said it was ok.
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30. Oh, yeah?
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31. Vivian!
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32. So you said
your daughter
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33. could pose
in playboyhuh?
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34. No. I said I didn't
like the idea,
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35. but I also said
she's a grown woman,
and it's her choice.
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36. No daughter of mine
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37. is posing in that kind
of magazine, period.
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38. You do this to me
all the time, daddy.
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39. I have a mind of my own
and opinions,
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40. and you never
let me express them and...
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41. What were we
talking about?
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42. Um...
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43. Hil, I think
you were in the process
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44. of storming
out of here.
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45. Thanks, will.
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46. so what do you think?
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47. Look like you got hatjacked
by Woody woodpecker.
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48. These are the new
booster hats.
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49. Help me set up
a display.
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50. Sure thing, boss lady.
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51. Oh, Jackie,
check it out.
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52. Hypothetical
situation.
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53. Let's just say, like,
a famous men's magazine
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54. asked you to pose
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55. with nothing but
that stupid hat on.
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56. Would you do it?
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57. No way.
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58. I don't want
just anybody
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59. looking at this body.
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60. Has it changed since
we used to play doctor?
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61. Stop.
See? You're laughing.
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62. Teeth. I didn't even
know you had those.
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63. That was fun? Imagine how
much more fun it would be
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64. if we was both naked.
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65. Will, you just hit on me
from force of habit.
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66. Now, if you really want
to go out with me,
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67. why not step to
me like a man?
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68. Well, ok.
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69. Ahem.
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70. So, jacqueline...
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71. I was wondering
if you'd do me the honor
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72. of having dinner
with me.
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73. Ok.
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74. "Ok"?
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75. "Ok" is alright
if I offered you
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76. a government
cheese sandwich,
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77. but
I'm offering you...
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78. A buffet of love,
child.
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79. Take it easy, homey.
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80. I mean, you asked
like a gentleman.
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81. If you can just keep
acting like a gentleman,
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82. maybe we can
get somewhere.
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83. Somewhere
that we could talk
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84. lying down?
Will.
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85. Alright, Jackie.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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86. Temporary
dude breakdown.
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87. I'm back now.
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88. Um, look, so when
is good for you?
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89. I don't know.
I was thinking
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90. about this afternoon
leading into the evening.
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91. Mmm. You know what
the evening leads—
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92. I'm sorry. I need to
have that treated.
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93. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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94. I'll call you later.
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95. Come without
the stupid hat, ok?
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96. Mmm.
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97. Hey, girl, I was—
would you stop it?
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98. Stop, stop, stop.
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99. Hilary...
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100. Are you really going
to pose in that magazine?
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101. Why?
Does it bother you?
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102. A little.
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103. I don't even like to get
undressed in gym class.
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104. Ashley, your body
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105. is going through
some changes,
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106. and they may seem...
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107. Awkward
and embarrassing.
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108. But I promise you.
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109. It's completely
normal,
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110. and the discomfort—
it's only temporary.
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111. I know.
I look great naked.
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112. It's just that
I just don't like
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113. a bunch of gooney people
staring at me.
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114. Oh,
you get used to it.
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115. I guess I could
kiss heaven good-bye
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116. 'cause it got to be a sin
to look this good.
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117. Tss.
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118. Caliente!
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119. Ow!
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120. You've been
playing tennis
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121. with the gardener
again, haven't you?
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122. Adios.
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123. You do look great,
will.
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124. Thanks a lot.
You can help me out.
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125. I need a smoking place
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126. to take a date.
Oh, sure.
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127. We'll talk about
it on the way.
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128. I'm gonna
go get dressed.
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129. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What party?
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130. Well, isn't that why
you're all dressed up?
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131. Oh, did I forget
to tell you?
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132. I think you're still in
the process of forgetting.
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133. Playboy called.
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134. They're having a pool
party at the mansion
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135. to kick off
the weather girl shoot.
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136. And?
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137. And since you stood up
for me with daddy,
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138. I'm taking you.
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139. Yes! I knew that!
Oh! Oh, baby...
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140. Hey, let me tell you,
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141. you are the best cousin
a brother ever had.
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142. I'm going to
the playboy mansion.
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143. Oh...
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144. Oh, hello, hef.
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145. Oh, pshaw.
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146. Don't be silly.
I'm glad I could come.
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147. Oh, miss December,
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148. oh, baby,
I was going to call you.
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149. Come here, girl. Mm.
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150. Excuse me,
master William.
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151. If you can
tear yourself away
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152. from your
imaginary friends...
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153. Ahem.
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154. A miss jacqueline's
on the phone.
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155. Ooh, ooh, I forgot
all about Jackie.
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156. Look, g.,
g., um, look,
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157. if you had to decide
between going on a date
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158. with a girl that
you care
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159. and going to
the playboy mansion,
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160. which would it be?
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161. The fact that you're
even asking, master William,
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162. tells me that you really
care about the lady.
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163. Well,
I guess I do.
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164. Admirable.
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165. Tell me,
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166. might this young lady
have a terminal illness?
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167. No, g.
Of course not.
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168. Then may I point out
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169. she'll still
be here tomorrow?
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170. Ha!
Ha ha!
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171. Oh, I'm sorry, babe.
I'm sick.
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172. No, no, no.
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173. Don't come over because,
you know, I could be catching.
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174. Well, you know,
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175. I'll just have
to talk to you tomorrow.
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176. Bye.
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177. So, when do we leave
for the mansion?
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178. Oh, they don't need you, g.
They're fully staffed.
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179. Ooh, either that
is one tight dress
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180. or a really good
paint job.
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181. Come on. Let's go.
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182. Wait a minute, will.
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183. I think I'm having
second thoughts.
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184. What
do you mean?
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185. I don't know
if doing the layout
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186. is worth having daddy hate me.
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187. No, no, no. It's only
the rest of his life.
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188. I'm saying, after
them pictures come out,
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189. how much longer
could he have?
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190. Will...
I'm joking.
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191. I'm joking.
I'm joking.
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192. I thought you wanted
to do.
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193. Well, I do.
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194. You can't
just let your pop
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195. be pushing
all the time.
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196. It'd be so much easier
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197. if only
he liked playboy.
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198. Liked it?
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199. He's got issues
in his bathroom
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200. from, like, 1964.
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201. Come on.
Just don't worry about it.
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202. Let's just
go to the party.
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203. Freeze!
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204. Oh, look, the little republican
store must've opened.
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205. Good joke, will.
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206. I'll laugh on the way
to the party.
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207. Whoa, teeny.
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208. What makes you think
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209. you're going
to the party with us?
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210. I'm not going to
miss out on Princeton
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211. because she wants to
expose her weather balloons
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212. Carlton,
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213. I think Geoffrey's
baking cookies.
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214. Oh!
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215. Oh, no, you don't.
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216. Look, I'm going
to talk to Mr. Hefner
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217. and put a stop to this.
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218. My voice will be heard.
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219. You must
take me with you.
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220. Sure.
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221. How can you let him
come with us?
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222. Trust me, hil.
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223. He ain't going
to say nothing.
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224. Well, how can you
be so sure?
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225. He gets all
hot and bothered
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226. talking to
average-looking girls.
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227. 5 minutes
at the mansion,
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228. he's going to go
into meltdown.
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229. Ooh, I can't
believe it.
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230. Yo, it's just like
the magazine,
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231. except the girls
ain't got folds
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232. in the middle
and jokes on they backs.
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233. Carlton,
stand up.
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234. You're drooling
on my pumps.
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235. Come on, you guys.
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236. Oh, my legs
are like rubber.
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237. Yeah, and your head
is like a peanut.
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238. Carlton, what was it
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239. you wanted to say
to Mr. Hefner?
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240. I want to tell him,
I love this place.
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241. Look at that
swimming pool.
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242. Mmm...
I have never seen
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243. so many people
in one place I wanted
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244. to give mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation to.
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245. Breathing ok?
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246. Hey, Hugh!
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247. Why are you shouting?
I'm right next to you.
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248. Not "you."
"Hugh."
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249. You who?
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250. Stop yodeling.
Hugh Hefner.
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251. Excuse me?
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252. Hey, Mr. Hefner.
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253. What an honor.
I'm will Smith.
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254. This is
my cousin hilary.
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255. Oh, a pleasure.
Hilary banks.
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256. I'm glad
you could make it.
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257. Let me show you around.
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258. Oh, I'd be honored.
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259. Relax, guys.
Have some fun.
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260. There are suits
in the bathhouse.
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261. Yeah.
You def, hef.
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262. Will, why didn't
you introduce me?
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263. Carlton, I got to be
honest, man.
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264. I forgot
you was even here.
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265. Oh, that's
just great.
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266. Hey, will,
isn't that jazz?
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267. Jazz, what are you
doing here?
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268. Shh...
I'm on the list.
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269. They think I'm the black dude
from mod squad.
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270. Would you like
to have dinner
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271. with the children,
sir?
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272. Yes. That would
be nice, Geoffrey.
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273. Too bad.
They're not here.
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274. Then why'd you
bring it up?
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275. If you don't care
where your children are,
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276. sir, neither do I.
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277. Ok...
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278. Where are they?
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279. Sir, I could never
betray their confidence.
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280. They're at
the playboy mansion,
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281. all except
young Ashley.
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282. She's upstairs
with her boyfriend.
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283. Aah!
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284. That one's
on the house.
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285. Vivian!
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286. Vivian! Vivian!
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287. Oh, Philip,
did you call me?
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288. Do you know
where your children are?
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289. Sure. They're at
the playboy mansion.
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290. How come you knew that
and I didn't?
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291. Because
they talk to me.
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292. Why don't they
talk to me?
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293. Because
you don't listen.
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294. D'oh!
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295. What's up, baby?
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296. What you doing
after the party?
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297. Actually,
I'll be in surgery.
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298. Mmm...
Looks like everything
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299. on that body's
in working order.
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300. I'll be
performing surgery.
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301. I'm a doctor.
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302. Ooh. Doc, you can
check me out anytime.
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303. Trust me.
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304. I'm a cardiologist.
You need a pediatrician.
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305. Miss march, right?
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306. I didn't recognize you
with your clothes on.
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307. Don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
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308. Turn-ons—fast cars,
shrimp bouillabaisse,
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309. and, uh,
Indian quilts, right?
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310. Very impressive.
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311. Now do you remember
my turn-offs?
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312. Do I?
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313. Hairy backs, smokers,
and abrasive young men
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314. who don't know
when to shut up, right?
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315. Bingo.
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316. Girl, what would it take
for a guy like me
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317. to get next to
a girl like you?
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318. 5 years
and 6 figures.
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319. Thank you very much.
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320. So tell me
about yourself.
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321. I have a boyfriend
who plays on the Lakers.
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322. I suppose
your boyfriend's
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323. a tackle for
the rams, huh?
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324. No, the raiders.
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325. Get away from me.
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326. Hey, will.
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327. Hey, this place
is great.
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328. I've already got
two numbers,
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329. if I play my cards right,
she'll give me the other 5.
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330. Carlton, I don't think
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331. I'm going to hang around
to find out.
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332. It's like being up here
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333. helped me realize
how important Jackie...
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334. Bunny hop!
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335. Really is to me!
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336. ow!
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337. What do you think
you're doing?
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338. The bunny hop.
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339. Where's your sister?
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340. She went to Malibu with
the other weather girls
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341. to have
their pictures taken.
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342. Go wait
in the car, Carlton.
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343. I was going to go talk
to Mr. Hefner about hilary.
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344. Go get in the car,
Carlton.
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345. I really want
to thank you
Copy !req
346. for taking the time
to talk with me.
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347. Well, it's
always a pleasure
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348. to talk to
a longtime subscriber.
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349. My man Linc.
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350. Uh...
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351. I want to cut right
to the chase here.
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352. It's about my daughter
posing for your magazine.
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353. I mean...
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354. Well, how would you feel
if your daughter
Copy !req
355. got involved
in this whole world?
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356. Well, my daughter
Copy !req
357. is involved
in this whole world.
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358. She runs
the playboy empire.
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359. Ok.
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360. Let's try this
a different way.
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361. Well, look.
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362. Suppose somebody
that you really care about,
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363. like your wife,
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364. suppose she decided
to pose.
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365. Well, my wife was
the playmate of the year,
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366. and I'm
very proud of her.
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367. Don't you
understand?
Copy !req
368. There are some parents
who are just not comfortable
Copy !req
369. with their daughters
being stared at
Copy !req
370. by millions of people.
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371. I understand where
you're coming from.
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372. Look, over the years,
Copy !req
373. I've had to deal
with a lot of parents.
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374. You seem like
a good man.
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375. Let me put it this way.
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376. I promise you
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377. the pictures
will be tasteful.
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378. Tasteful?
Oh, yeah, right.
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379. Ha ha ha! I know
what that means.
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380. Ha! Thank you
very much.
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381. Jackie, you're here.
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382. Will, I thought
you were sick.
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383. Oh, yeah, I was.
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384. You know, at least
I thought I was.
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385. You know, actually,
I had an allergic reaction
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386. to—to—to...
To bunnies.
Copy !req
387. So, say, what's up
with that date?
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388. I'm sorry, will, but
when you canceled on me,
Copy !req
389. I made plans to go
to the movies.
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390. Oh, that's cool.
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391. Call up
your little girlfriend
Copy !req
392. and break them.
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393. My little girlfriend
is 6'2" with a mustache.
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394. What kind of monster
are you?
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395. A man is laying up
in his deathbed,
Copy !req
396. and you go
stepping out on him?
Copy !req
397. Hey, will, you and me
ain't all that.
Copy !req
398. Ok, ok, ok.
Copy !req
399. What are you doing
after the movies?
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400. I think that's
between me and Tony.
Copy !req
401. Ok. How about
tomorrow night?
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402. I got
basketball practice.
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403. That's cool.
I'll come watch.
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404. You can't.
You're working tomorrow.
Copy !req
405. Mike called in sick.
Copy !req
406. He probably has
what you thought you did.
Copy !req
407. Ok.
Next Saturday night?
Copy !req
408. Bachelorette party.
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409. Christmas!
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410. I'm going home.
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411. New year's Eve!
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412. Groundhog day!
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413. Cinco de Mayo?
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414. Rosh hashanah,
huh?
Copy !req
415. Well, I hope you're proud
of yourself, Vivian.
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416. What'd I do?
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417. Your daughter is
somewhere in Malibu
Copy !req
418. stark naked.
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419. What are you
talking about?
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420. She went and posed
for playboy,
Copy !req
421. and you encouraged her.
Copy !req
422. I did no such thing.
Copy !req
423. When I talked to her, she
hadn't made up her mind yet.
Copy !req
424. If anything pushed her
over the edge,
Copy !req
425. it was your usual "do it
my way or else" charm.
Copy !req
426. Don't you start
with me, Vivian.
Copy !req
427. No matter what I did,
she's my daughter,
Copy !req
428. and a daughter should
obey her father.
Copy !req
429. In that case, I never
would've married you.
Copy !req
430. Oh, that was different.
Copy !req
431. Your father
had it in for me.
Copy !req
432. What was it again he
didn't like about me?
Copy !req
433. It was a tie between
your family and your temper.
Copy !req
434. I'll tell you one thing.
I sure don't miss him...
Copy !req
435. God rest his soul.
Copy !req
436. Sweetheart, listen.
Copy !req
437. Sometimes a parent
has to step back
Copy !req
438. and let their child
find their own way.
Copy !req
439. I'll be upstairs.
Copy !req
440. Hi, dad.
Copy !req
441. Hi.
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442. Listen, daddy,
I'm sorry,
Copy !req
443. I've already had
my pictures taken.
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444. It's alright.
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445. It was my
choice, and—
Copy !req
446. it's alright?
Copy !req
447. You're not
a child anymore.
Copy !req
448. You're
a beautiful woman,
Copy !req
449. beautiful enough
for playboy to ask
Copy !req
450. and woman enough to
make your own decisions.
Copy !req
451. No matter what,
I still love you.
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452. Oh, daddy.
Copy !req
453. So when are your
pictures coming out?
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454. They said
in about two months.
Copy !req
455. You understand,
of course,
Copy !req
456. I can't be here
when they do.
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457. Enter.
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458. It's arrived,
Uncle Phil.
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459. I don't want
to see it.
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460. It came
in the mail today
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461. with a personal letter
from Mr. Hefner.
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462. Thinks you should
take a look at it.
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463. So do I.
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464. You can forget it,
because I'm—
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465. oh... Alright.
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466. Hey, look at that.
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467. She's covered up.
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468. Hallelujah!
She's covered up!
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469. But this little girl
is not.
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470. Ooh...
Ooh...
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471. Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
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472. You heard
our father! No!
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473. Carlton,
what do you care?
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474. Look. I will not be
publicly embarrassed
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475. by a—a— problem...
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476. Of me remembering my damn lines!
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477. It won't happen, damn it.
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478. It ain't gonna happen!
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479. It's ok. It's ok.
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480. I am not going to allow it!
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481. Alright? It's over!
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482. It's alright, man!
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483. It's alright, man!
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484. Let it go, man!
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485. Let it go!
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486. It's over!
It's ok, man!
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