1. Everything is fine,
Vivian.
Copy !req
2. Tell Ashley and Nicki
that I miss them, too.
Copy !req
3. O.K.? O.K. Love you.
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4. Oh, kiss your sister
for me.
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5. God knows
I wouldn't do it.
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6. Good morning.
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7. Good morning.
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8. L.A.'s favorite
weather girl
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9. is ready to go back
to work.
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10. With that on?
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11. I'm tired
of black, too,
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12. but I want
the public to know
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13. I'm still mourning
Trevor's death.
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14. I don't think black
is the right color
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15. for this kind of heat.
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16. Don't worry, daddy.
This dress is
surprisingly cool
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17. it's like
I'm wearing
practically nothing.
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18. She's not my daughter.
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19. when are you
going to get
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20. the air conditioner
fixed?
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21. It's sweltering
in our place.
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22. Yeah, it's so hot
out there
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23. the uh-huh girls
just went uh.
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24. Everybody keeps talking
about this heat wave.
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25. Maybe I should mention it
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26. in today's weather report.
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27. You know, that girl
has got the mind
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28. of Willard Scott.
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29. Come to think of it,
you got his body.
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30. Y'all should team up.
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31. On a serious tip,
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32. you got to fix
our air conditioner
today.
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33. We got some people
coming over for a party.
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34. As good hosts,
we'd prefer that
they didn't melt.
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35. Uncle Phil has
left the building.
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36. You're now talking
to landlord banks,
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37. and he's not
fixing anything
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38. until he gets
his rent.
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39. You'll get the rent
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40. when we get the air.
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41. What did you say?
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42. I'm sorry.
Was I talking
out loud?
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43. You know what, Uncle Phil,
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44. forget it. You win.
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45. We just have to move
our little something
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46. from inside to pool side.
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47. Oh, no, you don't.
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48. No rent, no pool,
no party,
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49. no nothing.
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50. What does he mean
by no nothing?
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51. Oh, don't worry
about it.
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52. It's
a double negative.
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53. What's this?
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54. A bill
for your breakfast.
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55. Dad, this is an outrage.
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56. $3.00 for orange juice?
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57. I've taken the liberty
of adding
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58. a 15% gratuity.
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59. Carlton, of course you know
this means war!
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60. It certainly does,
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61. and we're going to win,
right, dad?
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62. Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
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63. Girl, let me
tell you,
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64. switching this
to a pool party
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65. was a stroke
of genius.
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66. Why do you say that?
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67. Oh,
couple of reasons.
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68. Girl, I got
to tell you...
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69. That suit look like
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70. a piece of good God
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71. wrapped up with
some have mercy
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72. with a side
of oomph!
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73. Really? You don't think
it's too revealing?
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74. Well, if it is,
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75. your secret's
safe with me.
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76. Let's get out
of this heat
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77. before I pop
something.
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78. Thank you, Chet.
It's good to be back.
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79. I'm here
at the farmer's market,
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80. and as you can see,
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81. my fans haven't
forgotten me.
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82. Why haven't you answered
any of my letters?
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83. Well, the good news is
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84. the heat wave is over.
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85. L.A. will have
a high tomorrow
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86. of only 65.
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87. Oh, sorry, that L.A.
stands for Louisiana.
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88. Our high will be 112.
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89. Well, they have the same
abbreviation.
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90. This is hilary banks
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91. surrounded
by ordinary people
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92. at the farmer's market.
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93. Now back to you, Chet.
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94. Don't any of you touch me.
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95. I can't believe
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96. she wore that dress.
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97. Would you like
a Swedish meatball?
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98. Don't mind if I do.
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99. Ah-ah. Only one, sir.
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100. The rest are
for master William
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101. and his friends,
pool side.
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102. What?
I can't believe
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103. that he would
deliberately
disobey me.
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104. I wouldn't call it
disobedience, sir.
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105. It's more like
outright defiance.
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106. That's it!
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107. Dance, puppets! Dance!
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108. Ha ha ha!
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109. Hi, Carlton.
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110. What are you doing here?
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111. I heard the party.
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112. I came to see
if Ashley was home.
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113. She's away
at her aunt Helen's.
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114. Run along.
I don't think
you're age-appropriate
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115. for this party.
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116. Now...
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117. If you'll excuse me,
I'm going swimming.
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118. Whoa!
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119. Hey, will, any sign
of dad yet?
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120. Well...
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121. That's either him
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122. or a rhino
that got his horn
chopped off.
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123. Oh, I'm going swimming
in the neighbor's pool.
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124. Carlton, listen.
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125. We have to
stand up to him.
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126. If he smells fear,
he'll attack.
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127. How dare you two
defy me.
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128. Now, see here,
big guy.
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129. Oh, my God! Howard!
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130. Come on, will.
Let's get wet.
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131. Young lady, would
you mind putting
on some clothes
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132. and going home now?
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133. Whoa, baby, baby, baby.
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134. What are you doing?
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135. You embarrassing me
in front of my friends.
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136. You should have
thought of that
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137. before you
defied me.
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138. Hi, Mr. banks.
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139. Do your parents know
you're here?
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140. I don't think so.
They're in Aspen.
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141. Mmm!
And I'm in heaven.
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142. She came over here
on her own.
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143. I'm going back
in the house,
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144. and when I come out,
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145. I want all of these
people gone.
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146. They will be
if you come out
in the morning.
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147. Wait, let me
get this straight,
young man.
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148. You are telling me
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149. what will
or will not happen
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150. in my own house?
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151. Excuse me,
but this is my house.
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152. I pay rent here, too,
eventually.
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153. Watch how
you talk to me.
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154. Stop treating me
like a child.
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155. Oh, I'm sorry.
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156. I didn't realize
I was talking
to a man.
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157. That's right.
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158. Oh.
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159. That's me, will Smith...
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160. Oh, well.
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161. Man.
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162. I guess you're ready
to play
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163. a man's game, huh?
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164. All right, will,
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165. if that's the way
you want it.
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166. A-a-and don't come back,
neither.
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167. Psst! G,
is Uncle Phil around?
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168. The coast is clear.
He's in court.
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169. Geoffrey,
could you get us
some breakfast?
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170. I'm not allowed
to serve you anymore.
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171. Mr. banks' orders.
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172. G, listen, how upset
was Uncle Phil last night?
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173. Well, he did something
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174. I've never seen him do
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175. in all the years
I've been here.
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176. What, a sit-up?
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177. It's a bit more serious
than that, I'm afraid.
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178. You know
the cherry cheesecake,
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179. candied yams, barbecued ribs
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180. left over
from yesterday?
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181. Yeah.
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182. Oh, my goodness.
It's still there.
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183. Oh, I'm afraid.
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184. Hold me, will.
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185. Get off of me, man.
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186. I don't know why
I ever listen
to you.
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187. I was quite content
having my father
push me around
Copy !req
188. for the rest
of my life.
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189. Who knows what he's
going to do to us?
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190. What's he going to do,
sue us?
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191. Oh, gosh, now you've
gone and spoiled
the surprise.
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192. What's this?
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193. Subpoenas
from your father,
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194. and may I say
it's been a pleasure
serving you.
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195. Case dismissed.
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196. This is
the last case of the day,
number 12-18—
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197. Philip banks
vs. Will Smith
and Carlton banks
Copy !req
198. for nonpayment of rent.
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199. I can't believe
you're suing
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200. your own son
and nephew.
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201. Relax. This is
a little lesson
in responsibility.
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202. They're probably
not even going to
show up.
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203. In fact, they're
probably home right now
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204. preparing their apologies.
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205. Looks like they've
prepared more than
an apology.
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206. Mr. banks, your
opening statement.
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207. I don't have
an opening statement.
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208. Mr. Smith.
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209. Thank you.
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210. Your honor,
I'm from west Philadelphia,
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211. born and raised.
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212. On the playground
is where I spend
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213. most of my days.
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214. I don't have a big bag
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215. of fancy courtroom tricks
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216. or a high-priced degree
from Princeton
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217. like my worthy adversary
judge Philip banks,
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218. but what I do have
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219. is the truth!
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220. Oh, shut up, will.
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221. Your honor, Mr. Smith
is making a mockery
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222. of the entire legal system.
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223. This man is making
a mockery
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224. of a finely cut
Italian suit.
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225. Order in the court.
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226. Mr. banks,
will you please call
your first witness.
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227. I don't have a witness.
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228. I do, your honor.
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229. Fine.
Call your first witness.
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230. You're honor,
I'd like to call someone
Copy !req
231. who's not afraid
to tell the truth
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232. no matter what
landlord banks
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233. might do to him,
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234. someone who knows
the plaintiff intimately...
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235. Like a son, one might say.
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236. Oh, that's great, will.
Who do we have?
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237. You, dummy.
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238. Ooh!
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239. When we prepared
this case,
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240. you didn't say
I had to speak against
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241. my own father.
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242. You don't.
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243. Just read it.
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244. "The night was hot,
forcing our party outdoors.
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245. "Will Smith, who
was neat, considerate,
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246. "and responsible—
smiled at me—
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247. "was having—
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248. smile at me?
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249. Oh, I get it.
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250. No further questions,
your honor.
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251. Hold it.
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252. I'd like to cross-examine
the witness, your honor.
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253. All right, I'm guilty,
I'm guilty.
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254. That will be all.
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255. You may step down.
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256. Welcome
to my turf.
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257. How did I do?
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258. Your honor, I'd like
to call my next witness.
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259. Miss hilary banks.
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260. Hi, everybody.
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261. Oh, boy.
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262. Will you please
take the stand?
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263. Certainly,
your honor.
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264. Do you swear to tell
the truth,
so help you God?
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265. I do.
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266. Ahem.
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267. O.K., miss banks,
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268. you were
the previous tenant
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269. in the aforementioned
pool house,
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270. is that correct?
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271. Yes.
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272. O.K., would you
please tell us
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273. of your experiences
there?
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274. Am I under oath?
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275. Of course.
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276. Well, Trevor would
come over
Copy !req
277. about 3:00
in the morning and—
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278. objection!
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279. That does it!
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280. You may step down.
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281. Mr. banks, the court
would like to know
the impetus
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282. for this lesson
that's being learned,
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283. and make it quick.
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284. I have a 5:00
hair appointment.
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285. Your honor, I will show
that my tenants
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286. were openly hostile,
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287. leaving me to believe
no rent was forthcoming.
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288. I was reading in my study
late one night, when...
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289. Whoo!
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290. Yo!
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291. Yo!
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292. Man, this party
is dope!
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293. No, this party
is stupid.
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294. No, this party
is crazy, fly,
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295. dumb, def, doogie.
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296. You the man!
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297. You the man!
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298. You the man!
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299. Aah! Aah!
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300. Aah! Aah!
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301. Hi, there.
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302. I see
you're having
a gathering.
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303. Whoo!
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304. Isn't that
wonderful?
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305. Ha ha!
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306. Hey, pops, you popped
my duck.
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307. Well, I'm sorry,
son.
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308. Here. Here's $100.
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309. Yeah. That's
more like it.
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310. Hi.
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311. Um, will, where's
your aunt's gold watch
Copy !req
312. that you promised me?
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313. Ha ha ha ha!
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314. In time, baby.
In time.
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315. Why don't you go on,
cool yourself off
in the pool?
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316. Look, check it out,
heavy p.
Copy !req
317. Now why don't you
take your
humpty-dumpty butt
Copy !req
318. on back up
to the main house?
Copy !req
319. 'Cause you kind of
embarrassing us
out here.
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320. I understand.
Kids don't like
Copy !req
321. to have adults
hanging around
their parties.
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322. Will, could you—
Copy !req
323. could you turn
your music down
a drop?
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324. We have to consider
our neighbors.
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325. I am, dude.
Copy !req
326. Right now,
I'm considering
Copy !req
327. their 15-year-old
daughter.
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328. Hi, Mr. banks.
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329. Steffi, do your parents
know you're here?
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330. The hell
with my parents.
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331. Ohh!
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332. Will taught me that.
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333. Hey, she came over here
on her own.
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334. Oh, I believe you.
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335. Well, I guess
I better go back
in the house.
Copy !req
336. I know we've had
our differences,
Copy !req
337. but, boy, you're
a great kid.
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338. Boy?
Copy !req
339. You calling me boy?
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340. You better step
to me like a man.
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341. Now get to stepping.
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342. O.K., will, if that's
what you want.
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343. Whoa, whoa.
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344. Oh, puh-lease!
Copy !req
345. Your honor,
that is not the way
it went down.
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346. How did it go down,
Mr. Smith?
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347. I'm glad you asked me
that question.
Copy !req
348. The night
was so hot,
Copy !req
349. people was pulling up
on camels.
Copy !req
350. So, listen...
Copy !req
351. Whoo!
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352. Um, Gayle?
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353. Yes?
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354. Would you mind
if I commented
on your swimsuit?
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355. Don't tell me.
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356. It's too revealing.
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357. Oh, well, just
a little bit,
you know?
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358. I've got
some old t-shirts.
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359. You're welcome
to put one on
to cover up.
Copy !req
360. Oh, will,
my parents adore you.
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361. Uh, Gayle, bring out
that book of hymns
Copy !req
362. I was telling you
about.
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363. Oh, this heat
is unbearable.
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364. I need to take
a dip in the pool.
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365. Ah, ah, ah.
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366. Safety first,
my little
non-swimmer.
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367. Oh.
Copy !req
368. Only if dad
would fix
the air-conditioner
Copy !req
369. in the pool house,
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370. we wouldn't
have to be out
Copy !req
371. in the sweltering heat.
Copy !req
372. How could he be
so cruel?
Copy !req
373. He's mad, I tell you.
Mad.
Copy !req
374. You will not speak
of Uncle Phil
that way.
Copy !req
375. He may be
an unreasonable
pig-headed dictator,
Copy !req
376. but he's
your father,
Copy !req
377. and you'll show him
some respect.
Copy !req
378. You're right, will.
Copy !req
379. Thanks.
Copy !req
380. It's...
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381. It's...
Copy !req
382. It's him!
Copy !req
383. You.
Copy !req
384. Do you know
how humiliating
it is
Copy !req
385. to have a son
who can't swim?
Copy !req
386. Ohh!
Copy !req
387. Aah!
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388. Aah!
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389. Aah!
Copy !req
390. Listen, Uncle Phil—
Copy !req
391. silence!
Copy !req
392. If I want
your opinion,
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393. I'll beat it
out of you.
Copy !req
394. Hello, Mr. banks.
Copy !req
395. What's she
doing here?
Copy !req
396. Uncle Phil, she wandered
over lonely and crying,
Copy !req
397. and I couldn't
turn her away.
Copy !req
398. Hit the bricks,
you little tramp!
Copy !req
399. Out of here!
Copy !req
400. Ohh!
Copy !req
401. And tell your mother
your father has a girlfriend!
Copy !req
402. I'm going back
into the house.
Copy !req
403. When I come out,
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404. I want all these
freeloading parasites out!
Copy !req
405. Y-y-yes, sir!
Within the hour.
Copy !req
406. Five minutes!
Copy !req
407. Four!
Copy !req
408. All right, will,
Copy !req
409. if that's the way
you want it...
Copy !req
410. Ha ha ha ha!
Copy !req
411. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Copy !req
412. Then he slapped me
with a subpoena.
Copy !req
413. Thank you,
Mr. Smith.
Copy !req
414. You welcome.
Copy !req
415. Mr. banks, will you
please approach
the bench?
Copy !req
416. Is that victory
I smell?
Copy !req
417. I'm disappointed
in you
Copy !req
418. for allowing
your family relationship
Copy !req
419. to come to this.
Copy !req
420. That's what
we say.
Copy !req
421. Shame.
Copy !req
422. Yeah, judge. Shame.
Copy !req
423. In lieu
of a written lease,
Copy !req
424. the law stipulates
a landlord must
provide his tenants
Copy !req
425. with electricity,
gas, and plumbing.
Copy !req
426. Yeah!
Copy !req
427. However, air-conditioning
is considered a luxury.
Copy !req
428. Rent cannot be withheld
Copy !req
429. based on a malfunctioning
appliance.
Copy !req
430. Meaning?
Copy !req
431. Meaning you'll have
to pay the rent.
Copy !req
432. Yes!
Copy !req
433. This'll be
a good one
Copy !req
434. for the cocktail
parties, Philip.
Copy !req
435. We're going to appeal
this decision.
Copy !req
436. I intend to cite
the landmark case
Copy !req
437. of Rhode Island
vs. Shecter poultry.
Copy !req
438. That has to do
with the right
Copy !req
439. to hang dead chickens
in a butcher shop
window.
Copy !req
440. Well, then you see
where I'm going
with this.
Copy !req
441. Uhh.
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442. Well, I guess
this whole thing
Copy !req
443. got a little
out of hand, huh?
Copy !req
444. Yeah.
Copy !req
445. Will, look,
Copy !req
446. let's—let's try
not to let this
Copy !req
447. ever happen again
hmm?
Copy !req
448. I don't want
your hand.
I want my rent.
Copy !req
449. Oh, man,
I don't believe it.
Copy !req
450. Didn't you learn nothing?
Copy !req
451. Yeah. Never rent
to relatives.
Copy !req
452. What did we go
through this
whole episode for?
Copy !req
453. Money.
Copy !req
454. Will you please
take the stand?
Copy !req
455. Certainly,
your honor.
Copy !req
456. Do you swear to tell
the truth,
so help you God?
Copy !req
457. I'm sorry.
Copy !req