1. read 'em and weep.
Copy !req
2. Ohh.
Eh.
Copy !req
3. This is the best day
of my life.
Copy !req
4. Even better than
the day you met
Copy !req
5. the van patten
family?
Copy !req
6. Hey, guys, I remember
the best day of life.
Copy !req
7. It was when I did the wild
thing for the first time.
Copy !req
8. I cut out of high school
to go to soul train.
Copy !req
9. The next thing I knew,
Copy !req
10. me and this honey
was knocking boots
Copy !req
11. behind the soul train
scramble board.
Copy !req
12. Wait a minute.
You mean
Copy !req
13. you cut high school
in akron, Ohio,
Copy !req
14. to go to soul train
which tapes in L.A.?
Copy !req
15. Hey, high school
was boring, o.K.?
Copy !req
16. Yeah, we believe
that one.
Copy !req
17. I remember
my first time—
Copy !req
18. right before I came
out here from Philly.
Copy !req
19. Mm. Miss x gave me
Copy !req
20. an unforgettable
going-away present.
Copy !req
21. Miss x.
Mm!
Copy !req
22. What was it?
Copy !req
23. A key chain, Carlton.
Copy !req
24. Look, all I'm saying
is she was very special,
Copy !req
25. and this true mack here
was solid gold.
Copy !req
26. I remember my first time.
Copy !req
27. It was everything
a young man could dream of,
Copy !req
28. and it only cost me
35 bucks.
Copy !req
29. But, of course,
things were cheaper then.
Copy !req
30. That's
very touching, jazz.
Copy !req
31. Carlton, you been
mighty quiet over there
Copy !req
32. about this here subject.
Copy !req
33. Maybe he ain't got
nothing to talk about.
Copy !req
34. I thought we were
here to play poker.
Copy !req
35. I think he's more used
to playing solitaire.
Copy !req
36. Solitaire!
Copy !req
37. Oh. Oh, oh.
Copy !req
38. I guess y'all
don't know.
Copy !req
39. The only problem
this stallion has
Copy !req
40. is keeping the names
with the faces,
Copy !req
41. you know what
I'm saying?
Copy !req
42. Carlton, tell them
about the time.
Copy !req
43. Tell them about
the time.
Copy !req
44. Not that it's
anybody's business,
Copy !req
45. but my first time will
be a loving expression
Copy !req
46. of my commitment to
the girl of my dreams.
Copy !req
47. That's beautiful, Carlton.
Copy !req
48. I call.
Copy !req
49. Check it out.
Copy !req
50. Three kings...
And a virgin!
Copy !req
51. That's a good one!
Virgin!
Copy !req
52. captioning made possible by
Warner bros.
Copy !req
53. hey, I do.
Copy !req
54. What's up, Carlton?
What you doing here?
Copy !req
55. I'm here to sign up
for the reception.
Copy !req
56. The Dean of the business
school is a Princeton alum.
Copy !req
57. Yeah. You're gonna be kissing
more butt than arsenio.
Copy !req
58. Look, Dean Morgan can be
my ticket into Princeton.
Copy !req
59. Kissing up is
a small price to pay.
Copy !req
60. You know what? Just try not
to embarrass yourself...
Copy !req
61. What's that
supposed to mean?
Copy !req
62. Last night, Carlton—
this innocence thing.
Copy !req
63. In high school
that was cute,
Copy !req
64. but you're a man now.
Start lying.
Copy !req
65. Why? I have nothing
to be embarrassed about.
Copy !req
66. I'm waiting
for miss right.
Copy !req
67. Please, forget
about miss right.
Copy !req
68. Go for
miss "right now."
Copy !req
69. I don't want to settle
for just anyone.
Copy !req
70. When I was a kid,
Copy !req
71. I used to sit up
in my tree house
Copy !req
72. thinking for hours
about my dream girl.
Copy !req
73. I could see her now.
Copy !req
74. She's got beautiful
brown eyes
Copy !req
75. and a smile that
lights up a room.
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76. Uh, uh, Carlton.
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77. She'll be
a great dresser,
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78. sophisticated,
Copy !req
79. with beautiful
long, dark hair.
Copy !req
80. Uh, Carlton.
Copy !req
81. Let me finish, will.
Copy !req
82. She'll love
everything I love—
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83. money,
Ivy league schools,
Copy !req
84. Excuse me. Can I pay
for this business week now?
Copy !req
85. The Princeton game
is about to start
Copy !req
86. and I don't want to miss
the national anthem.
Copy !req
87. Hey, lady,
we were talking.
Copy !req
88. Look, just a second.
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89. I'll be right with you,
all right?
Copy !req
90. Carlton, man,
it's her.
Copy !req
91. You think?
Copy !req
92. Come on, man.
Baby is all that.
Copy !req
93. Step to her
and ask her out.
Copy !req
94. So, you're
a Princeton fan?
Copy !req
95. Not really,
but my favorite singer
Copy !req
96. is performing
the national anthem.
Copy !req
97. Who's that?
Copy !req
98. Stupid.
Ask her out.
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99. Um, my name's, um...
Copy !req
100. Uh...
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101. Carlton.
Copy !req
102. Uh, Carlton.
Copy !req
103. There's a TV
in the student union.
Copy !req
104. Maybe we could watch
tom Jones together.
Copy !req
105. That sounds
really nice, Carlton.
Copy !req
106. Hey, good catch,
Carlton.
Copy !req
107. That girl's a—
girl's a damn thief.
Copy !req
108. She stole that magazine.
Copy !req
109. Hey!
Copy !req
110. Bob, Bob.
Copy !req
111. Bob, calm down.
Copy !req
112. Bob, judges
don't cry.
Copy !req
113. Bob, this is just
an investigation.
Copy !req
114. Everything's going
to work out fine.
Copy !req
115. Trust me.
Copy !req
116. O.K., bye.
Copy !req
117. Yeah. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
118. He's dead.
Copy !req
119. What's going on,
Uncle Phil?
Copy !req
120. That ethics committee's
digging up dirt
Copy !req
121. on every judge
in town.
Copy !req
122. It's a witch hunt.
Copy !req
123. Goodness.
Clumsy me.
Copy !req
124. Philip, I thought you
were getting the car.
Copy !req
125. What's going on?
Copy !req
126. That committee
nailed another judge.
Copy !req
127. I sure am glad we don't
have anything to hide.
Copy !req
128. Will.
Copy !req
129. Hey, look, I found
that chevette.
Copy !req
130. The body was already
in the trunk, too.
Copy !req
131. Honey, come on.
Copy !req
132. We're gonna be late
for the party.
Copy !req
133. I am serious, will.
You stay out of trouble.
Copy !req
134. The slightest indiscretion
could cost me my job.
Copy !req
135. G, what is up with you
today, man?
Copy !req
136. You seem all jumpy
and everything.
Copy !req
137. Jumpy? No, not me.
Copy !req
138. Come on, g—
Copy !req
139. stop persecuting me!
Copy !req
140. I've done nothing,
I tell you! Nothing!
Copy !req
141. You just can't get
good help these days.
Copy !req
142. That was the most romantic
afternoon I've ever had.
Copy !req
143. I knew you'd love
the tom Jones museum.
Copy !req
144. Sorry we
didn't make it
Copy !req
145. to the hall
of sideburns.
Copy !req
146. Here we are.
Copy !req
147. Do you live
in this hotel?
Copy !req
148. Just until I find
a new apartment.
Copy !req
149. You could live
at our house.
Copy !req
150. My little sister's
almost 15.
Copy !req
151. It's time she moved out
on her own.
Copy !req
152. I needed
to laugh today.
Copy !req
153. Thank you.
Copy !req
154. Well, I don't
want this to end.
Copy !req
155. It doesn't have to.
Copy !req
156. Will you marry me?
Copy !req
157. You are too adorable
for words.
Copy !req
158. Can I give you
a kiss goodbye?
Copy !req
159. Yes.
Copy !req
160. Tomorrow morning.
Copy !req
161. What time should I
come back?
Copy !req
162. Just toast and coffee
this morning, Geoffrey.
Copy !req
163. Geoffrey's not here,
hilary.
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164. Can he do that?
Copy !req
165. He was so upset,
Copy !req
166. I gave him
the morning off.
Copy !req
167. I better see
how he's doing.
Copy !req
168. What am I supposed
to do about breakfast?
Copy !req
169. Here's a crazy idea.
Copy !req
170. How about you
get it yourself?
Copy !req
171. Fine.
Copy !req
172. Bel-air hotel,
get me room service.
Copy !req
173. I was up all night
worried sick about you.
Copy !req
174. Where have you been?
Copy !req
175. And how come
you didn't call me?
Copy !req
176. Oh, my God. That's
my mom's finger.
Copy !req
177. Get it off my hand.
Copy !req
178. Pinch me, will.
I'm in love.
Copy !req
179. I finally found the
woman of my dreams.
Copy !req
180. And I did it—
Copy !req
181. the big "it."
Copy !req
182. You mean
you and joanne
Copy !req
183. uh... Closed the deal?
Copy !req
184. What are you guys
talking about?
Copy !req
185. Business, Ashley.
Have some breakfast.
Copy !req
186. So...
Copy !req
187. Who put the offer
on the table?
Copy !req
188. Oh, she did,
Copy !req
189. and the terms
were so attractive
Copy !req
190. I jumped on her—
uh, it.
Copy !req
191. I jumped on it,
Copy !req
192. and, uh...
Copy !req
193. Don't worry.
Copy !req
194. I protected
my investment.
Copy !req
195. Tell me everything.
Tell me everything.
Copy !req
196. What was that
all about?
Copy !req
197. Carlton
lost his virginity.
Copy !req
198. Hey, I'll see y'all
later, all right?
Copy !req
199. Geoffrey has something
he wants to tell us.
Copy !req
200. Hurry up, g.
I'm late for work.
Copy !req
201. I have a confession,
Copy !req
202. something so shameful,
Copy !req
203. I'd hoped it could
remain buried forever.
Copy !req
204. Oh, I think I got a minute
or two for this one.
Copy !req
205. I hope this doesn't
have anything to do
Copy !req
206. with the ethics committee
investigation.
Copy !req
207. I'm afraid
it does, sir.
Copy !req
208. I beg
your forgiveness
Copy !req
209. for bringing this
pox upon your house.
Copy !req
210. That's all right. Just don't
take another morning off.
Copy !req
211. O.K., Geoffrey,
let's have it.
Copy !req
212. I'm too ashamed
to talk about it.
Copy !req
213. It's better
if I show you.
Copy !req
214. You did a porno movie!
Copy !req
215. Ewww.
Copy !req
216. Montreal—
Copy !req
217. site of the 1976
Olympics,
Copy !req
218. where some athletes become
heroes to their countries,
Copy !req
219. and where one man
became...
Copy !req
220. The shame
of a nation.
Copy !req
221. a long-distance runner
representing Great Britain,
Copy !req
222. was descended from a long line
of running butlers.
Copy !req
223. The hopes of a nation
Copy !req
224. were on this promising
runner's shoulders.
Copy !req
225. Alas, his best was
simply not good enough.
Copy !req
226. Halfway
through the race,
Copy !req
227. young Geoffrey Butler
hit the wall...
Copy !req
228. But, unfortunately,
Copy !req
229. he would not
accept his defeat.
Copy !req
230. In this amazing footage
shot by Japanese tourist
Copy !req
231. hashi takashi,
Copy !req
232. Geoffrey Butler's
unthinkable actions
Copy !req
233. were captured.
Copy !req
234. Geoffrey Butler's false victory
was short-lived.
Copy !req
235. The takashi footage was
released almost immediately,
Copy !req
236. and the public
was outraged.
Copy !req
237. Geoffrey Butler
dropped from sight,
Copy !req
238. never
to be seen again.
Copy !req
239. To his countrymen,
he is...
Copy !req
240. The shame
of a nation.
Copy !req
241. That's
the shameful secret
Copy !req
242. I have kept inside
for 17 years.
Copy !req
243. Hey. Hey, g, man,
Copy !req
244. we ain't laughing
at you, man...
Copy !req
245. Oh...
Copy !req
246. I guess
we kind of are.
Copy !req
247. why don't you
run into the kitchen
Copy !req
248. and get me something?
Copy !req
249. Or better yet,
take a cab!
Copy !req
250. Sensitive lot,
aren't you?
Copy !req
251. The committee won't care
about any of this.
Copy !req
252. They won't?
Copy !req
253. Of course not.
Copy !req
254. You're a servant.
Get me some cake.
Copy !req
255. What you did
was not a crime.
Copy !req
256. It was... Stupid.
Copy !req
257. I'm not going
to cause you
Copy !req
258. any embarrassment
or scandal?
Copy !req
259. No, no.
Copy !req
260. Hey, g, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
261. You mean that's why
you came to America?
Copy !req
262. That's right,
master William.
Copy !req
263. When did you get
your green card?
Copy !req
264. Green card?
Copy !req
265. What green card?
Copy !req
266. Welcome to the u.L.A.
Business reception.
Copy !req
267. Weenie?
Copy !req
268. You are
what you eat, buddy.
Copy !req
269. Hey, there he is,
ladies, the love machine.
Copy !req
270. O.K., one at a time.
Copy !req
271. O.K., two at a time if you
think you're ready, baby.
Copy !req
272. Come on, will.
It's hard enough
Copy !req
273. for me to think
about anything else.
Copy !req
274. I understand.
Copy !req
275. I remember
my first time.
Copy !req
276. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She gave you a key chain.
Copy !req
277. There's Dean Morgan.
Copy !req
278. I can't just walk
right up to him.
Copy !req
279. Haven't you
learned anything
Copy !req
280. from your experience
last night?
Copy !req
281. You want me
to sleep with him?
Copy !req
282. Carlton, I'm saying
Copy !req
283. when you want something,
go for it.
Copy !req
284. He's over there.
Copy !req
285. Just walk over
and introduce yourself.
Copy !req
286. Excuse me.
Copy !req
287. Dean Morgan,
Carlton banks.
Copy !req
288. I read your paper on
the rise and fall of IBM.
Copy !req
289. I call it the "feel good"
Copy !req
290. financial analysis
of the year.
Copy !req
291. Let the butt kissing
begin.
Copy !req
292. Uh, banks... Banks.
Copy !req
293. Yes. You're the chap who wants
to transfer to Princeton.
Copy !req
294. That's my Alma mater,
you know.
Copy !req
295. Really?
Copy !req
296. Well,
quelle surprise.
Copy !req
297. You know what it takes
Copy !req
298. to be accepted into
Princeton, Mr. banks?
Copy !req
299. Inspiration...
Copy !req
300. And one phone call
from me.
Copy !req
301. Oh, this must be fate.
Copy !req
302. I had my inspiration
yesterday.
Copy !req
303. who makes me believe that
anything is possible.
Copy !req
304. I feel the same way
about Mrs. Morgan.
Copy !req
305. Ah, here she is now.
Copy !req
306. Sweetheart.
Copy !req
307. I'd like you to meet
my wife joanne.
Copy !req
308. Hey!
Copy !req
309. It is great to see
you two together again.
Copy !req
310. I mean it is great to see
you two together again.
Copy !req
311. Do I know you?
Copy !req
312. Uh, uh...
Copy !req
313. Well... Well, see,
Copy !req
314. I'm the manager
of this place,
Copy !req
315. and there's
a phone call for you.
Copy !req
316. Well, who is it?
Copy !req
317. I-I-it's your Uncle.
Copy !req
318. My only Uncle
died three years ago.
Copy !req
319. Then you should
take the call
Copy !req
320. because it's probably
really long distance.
Copy !req
321. Uh, excuse me
for a minute.
Copy !req
322. I'll leave you two to
get better acquainted.
Copy !req
323. I don't think
that's possible.
Copy !req
324. Why didn't you tell me
you were married?
Copy !req
325. It's not that simple.
Copy !req
326. You're telling me.
Copy !req
327. This will make it
very hard for us.
Copy !req
328. Carlton,
there is no "us."
Copy !req
329. My husband and I
are separated,
Copy !req
330. but he called
this morning
Copy !req
331. and we're trying
to work things out.
Copy !req
332. But yesterday...
Copy !req
333. Well, I was upset,
Copy !req
334. and you were
so cute.
Copy !req
335. Well, you made me
feel better.
Copy !req
336. Look, I'm not
proud of myself.
Copy !req
337. I love you.
Copy !req
338. Oh, Carlton,
Copy !req
339. it was just one night.
Copy !req
340. I've been waiting
my whole life
Copy !req
341. for that one night.
Copy !req
342. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
343. So what happens now?
Copy !req
344. We say goodbye.
Copy !req
345. Hey, look, Carlton,
Copy !req
346. I'm so—I didn't...
Copy !req
347. Aah!
Copy !req
348. Do you have
to go through this
Copy !req
349. every time
you come up here?
Copy !req
350. No. I take the ladder.
Copy !req
351. She used me, will.
Copy !req
352. Of all the students
in all universities
Copy !req
353. in all the world,
Copy !req
354. she had
to sleep with me.
Copy !req
355. I feel
lower than dirt.
Copy !req
356. That would be what—rocks?
Copy !req
357. Yeah. I feel like rocks,
Copy !req
358. really dirty rocks.
Copy !req
359. You were right, will.
Copy !req
360. There's no
girl of my dreams.
Copy !req
361. Carl, check it out.
Copy !req
362. How about we go down
and we discuss this
Copy !req
363. on solid ground?
Copy !req
364. I'll buy you
some rocky road, baby.
Copy !req
365. No.
Copy !req
366. I'm never
coming down.
Copy !req
367. You're going to have
to eventually come down.
Copy !req
368. What happens when you
got to go to the bathroom?
Copy !req
369. Down the hall,
Copy !req
370. third door
on your right.
Copy !req
371. I'm so stupid.
Copy !req
372. I'm a stupid,
dirty rock.
Copy !req
373. Carlton, man,
Copy !req
374. I've been thinking.
Copy !req
375. Maybe if I didn't
play you so much
Copy !req
376. maybe you would have took
things a little slower
Copy !req
377. and you would have realized
that joanne
Copy !req
378. wasn't "miss right."
Copy !req
379. Maybe if me and miss x
Copy !req
380. had taken things
a little slower,
Copy !req
381. maybe we'd be a little
better off
Copy !req
382. than we are right now.
Copy !req
383. Is the almighty will
Copy !req
384. admitting
he was wrong?
Copy !req
385. Well, there's a first time
for everything.
Copy !req
386. Of course, you know that.
Copy !req
387. If you don't mind,
Copy !req
388. I really want to be
alone right now.
Copy !req
389. All right.
All right.
Copy !req
390. Hey. You mind if I use
the ladder this time?
Copy !req
391. Do whatever you want.
Copy !req
392. You don't hate me,
do you?
Copy !req
393. No.
Copy !req
394. Nice tree house
you got here.
Copy !req
395. At least you didn't
outgrow your furniture.
Copy !req
396. Aah!
Copy !req
397. Captioning made possible by
Warner bros.
Copy !req
398. Captioned by the national
captioning institute
Copy !req
399. —www.Ncicap.Org—
Copy !req
400. you know what?
Copy !req
401. I'll never forget
my first time.
Copy !req
402. It was right before
I went back—
Copy !req
403. heh, hmm, huh, eh?
Copy !req
404. You remember that time?
I 'member that time.
Copy !req
405. You was there?
I munember that time.
Copy !req
406. I bet
she remember it, too.
Copy !req
407. O.K., hold it.
Copy !req
408. I messed my line up.
Copy !req
409. That's next year's emmy
right there.
Copy !req
410. Ha ha ha!
Copy !req