The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 4x3

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Terry Kiser as Mr. Hosek • Jim Meskimen as Werner • Tyra Banks as Jackie Ames • Kai Soremekun as Denise • Will Sasso as Classmate

Registration day finds Will signing up for no-brainer classes, plus one that might truly challenge him - a philosophy course he takes to meet a girl.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Look, will, we're almost there.

2. This is the line for class registration,

3. not the Nixon library.

4. I took the liberty of jotting out a few courses

5. you might be interested in.

6. but I already have my academic priorities in order.

7. Wow, will, I'm proud of you.

8. You've finally taken your education seriously.

9. Can I help you?

10. Yes, I'll have what she's having.

11. captioning made possible by Warner bros.

12. Will, do you realize we stopped and talked to every woman we saw.

13. So?

14. We were on the freeway.

15. I mean...

16. Why do you do these crazy things?

17. The same reason Eddie Murphy tries to sing—

18. I like the challenge.

19. how come you registered for classes like cheese appreciation?

20. Carlton, the challenge is to make your life as easy as possible.

21. Mmm, that's why God made canned meat.

22. Spam cakes, anyone?

23. Hey, man.

24. Ah, good morning.

25. Hey, Uncle Phil.

26. Mmm, Geoffrey, something sure smells good.

27. Oh, patchouli.

28. Sweet of you to notice.

29. So, how was registration today, guys?

30. Oh, yo, it was slamming, Uncle Phil.

31. He met a girl, right?

32. And he joined classes just because she's in it.

33. He doesn't know what he's taking.

34. I do, too.

35. Name it.

36. It's...

37. Western pornography.

38. Western philosophy.

39. Western philosophy.

40. You don't even know what Western philosophy is.

41. I do, too.

42. did anybody really believe cool moe Dee was a cowboy?

43. I'm late for school, daddy.

44. Ashley...

45. Could we see a little compassion here?

46. Hilary just lost her fiancé.

47. She could use a little sisterly comfort.

48. I'm sorry.

49. All right.

50. Hilary...

51. This is your sister, Ashley.

52. Suck it up and get on with your life!

53. Hilary...

54. Sweetheart...

55. How are you feeling?

56. I'm feeling much better, thanks.

57. Now, now, baby.

58. Tell you what.

59. Why don't you put on some clothes

60. and hop in the car

61. and drive over to neiman's

62. Oh, thanks, daddy, but I'm not ready to go out just yet.

63. Then you don't have to.

64. Here.

65. I'll even look the number up for you.

66. Hello, neiman's?

67. Oh...

68. Listen, I want to order

69. that adorable Donna karan pantsuit

70. in your catalog.

71. Item dk35712.

72. Yeah, and on page 14,

73. there's this fabulous leather bag.

74. Oh, that would be cute.

75. O.K., o.K., attention, K-Mart shoppers.

76. We're running out of books for psych 157,

77. the study of human sexuality.

78. So for any of you slimmies who miss out,

79. I'll be more than happy to demonstrate

80. the contents of the book...

81. Twice.

82. You know?

83. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

84. Can I borrow that for a second?

85. Oh, sure thing, boss lady.

86. You're an idiot.

87. There you go making snap judgments again.

88. Hi. I need to get—

89. hey, sting, kick some lyrics, man.

90. Do you always have to embarrass me in public?

91. No. You do that all by yourself.

92. What'd you sign up for today, advanced sarcasm?

93. Whatever I'm taking has got to be tougher than your schedule.

94. What is cheese appreciation anyway?

95. Have you ever heard of a little thing called Western philosophy?

96. You're taking Western philosophy?

97. I can see you're being seduced

98. by my intellectual prowess.

99. Is that spam in your teeth?

100. I didn't have no spam.

101. Carlton, my bird.

102. Ow!

103. You think I could possibly get some help?

104. Well, hair club for men would be a good start.

105. Ah, nothing like that minimum-wage humor.

106. Look, my friend, if it's not too taxing,

107. I'd like you to do a little work right now

108. and find these books for me.

109. All right, all right. Just relax a second.

110. Here, fill out this requisition form,

111. and I'll get them for you as soon as I can.

112. Ok, try to have it before graduation, ok?

113. Sure thing, skippy.

114. I'd stay and continue this battle of wits with you,

115. but you're obviously unarmed.

116. and take care of this requisition form for you.

117. He dribbles behind his back.

118. He's up,

119. and he shoots.

120. Oh! And it's no good!

121. Carlton the peacock says,

122. don't be a quitter.

123. Pick up your litter.

124. Help me!

125. Come on, guys. Help me up.

126. Yeah, we need a cleanup on aisle four.

127. We got some bird droppings.

128. but I think I've seen your picture somewhere before.

129. Oh, yeah. That's right.

130. It was in the dictionary next to "kablam"!

131. Don't you have anything better to do than hit on me?

132. Oh, well, now, I don't know.

133. Let me check my schedule.

134. Nope. All clear.

135. You know, um...

136. Plus I don't have any early classes.

137. That means we could sleep in.

138. You're relentless.

139. Yeah, I don't give up neither.

140. Just think of me as the love Terminator.

141. T2, meet my boyfriend t-Rex.

142. Hasta LA vista, baby.

143. Ahem.

144. the garth Brooks' concert must be over, huh?

145. Do you think I could get by?

146. Well, not with those looks.

147. I see you're hung up on superficial facades.

148. Oh...

149. I'm sorry, but I don't speak geek.

150. Here, why don't you take a seat right here next to me

151. and observe a class clown

152. in his natural habitat.

153. You're planning on giving the teacher a real hard time, is that it?

154. Well, you know, that's plan "b."

155. Plan "a" was derailed by this

156. refrigerator-shaped gentleman over here.

157. I gotta tell you.

158. I see a real problem with plan "b."

159. What's that?

160. Watch.

161. I'm Professor Jeremy Mansfield,

162. and this is...

163. Western philosophy.

164. I'm will Smith,

165. and this is an interesting coincidence.

166. is all about the perception of reality.

167. And today's reality is...

168. This is a very difficult course.

169. I am a very difficult man,

170. and I'm going to make your lives...

171. Very difficult.

172. It's not too late to start sucking up, is it?

173. There'll be a paper every week

174. and a pop quiz

175. whenever I feel like having some fun.

176. I'm a fun-loving guy.

177. You'll have 5 20-page papers,

178. two midterms,

179. oh, and a little cumulative final

180. that I like to call the widow maker.

181. Thank you, padre.

182. Not so quick with the hair jokes now,

183. eh, my friend?

184. Well, work may be hard,

185. but I think, uh...

186. In the long run,

187. you'll find this course...

188. Electrifying.

189. No, no! Wait! Call my mother!

190. Somebody call the governor!

191. I ain't even supposed to be in this class, man!

192. I want to live.

193. Whoo!

194. Whoo-hoo!

195. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

196. So, what I'm trying to do here is just drop this one class.

197. O.K., according to your schedule,

198. I would say it's Western philosophy.

199. Well, yeah. How'd you know that?

200. It's the only course you're taking

201. that actually requires staying awake.

202. Wait a minute, I have a really good reason

203. for wanting to drop that class.

204. And I'm sure my wife has a good reason

205. for cheating on me.

206. Look, man, I got problems of my own.

207. You think you got problems?

208. My wife has seen more action than Chuck Norris.

209. I got an office that used to be the janitor's washroom.

210. Look! Here.

211. I got a toilet in my closet.

212. And every day,

213. I just see my career going down it!

214. Now, since registration is, uh...

215. Ahem.

216. Is over— officially over—

217. the only way to, uh...

218. is to get the instructor's written permission.

219. Here.

220. I have to get Professor Mansfield's signature?

221. He's not going to sign this.

222. Come on, there has to be another way.

223. Well, actually, there...

224. There is.

225. Well, come on, man. Tell me, tell me.

226. Make it one of your demands

227. when you climb the bell tower with the rifle.

228. Nurse, I'm ready to leave now.

229. Hi, dad. How was court today?

230. I got to send El diablo up the river.

231. El diablo? The graffiti guy?

232. Yeah, he was the worst tagger this city's ever known.

233. It'll be a while before they see his name around here again.

234. Vivian.

235. It's celery. I swear.

236. Philip, was has gotten into you?

237. Oh, the incarceration of a felon

238. always gets my juices pumping.

239. Come.

240. Let's go upstairs...

241. And celebrate.

242. Whoo!

243. Uh, honey, we have a problem.

244. Hilary, your credit cards—

245. oh, after. After.

246. See?

247. So what?

248. You should've seen me deny that man's plea bargain.

249. I was brilliant!

250. You're going upstairs, aren't you?

251. Yes, sweetheart.

252. I have no one in my life to go upstairs with anymore.

253. Aw. Aw.

254. Lower.

255. Honey, how about a rain check?

256. Rain check?

257. Vivian...

258. I am not a car wash.

259. I have needs.

260. So does hilary.

261. Honey, I'm sorry.

262. I will stay down here with you.

263. Vivian...

264. I'm ready for my wax job.

265. Oh, Mr. Smith,

266. such a quiet entrance.

267. Where is your— your vim,

268. your verve,

269. your pedestrian wit?

270. Look, why don't we stop wasting each other's time?

271. Why don't you just give me an "f," and let me be on my way.

272. Would that make you happy?

273. is never having been here in the first place.

274. Just get me a drop slip. I'll make your wish a reality.

275. Whoa, whoa.

276. You mean all I have to do

277. Yeah, I don't want anybody in here who doesn't wanna be here.

278. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, man.

279. You're going to start a stampede.

280. I take back everything I said about you.

281. Oh, and give me a couple hours

282. before you start your car.

283. Psych.

284. Oh, or should I say, philosph?

285. One of the central questions of philosophy

286. is the revelation of truth.

287. Enjoy.

288. You wanna know the truth?

289. You wanna know the truth?

290. You can't handle the truth!

291. Hey, that's Jack Nicholson.

292. Mr. Smith, if you wouldn't mind, please

293. would you just beam yourself out of here?

294. Ah, captain kirk. Now, that's fly.

295. No, no, no. This is the fly.

296. Help me! Help me!

297. The reality is,

298. reality changes constantly.

299. may not necessarily be today's.

300. Everybody got a pencil?

301. O.K. Good. Hold it up.

302. Little higher. Little lower.

303. Perfect. Right there.

304. Now break it in half.

305. What a sound. From now on,

306. we're gonna be using our minds.

307. Give me your pencil. Give me your pencil!

308. Yah.

309. This course isn't about taking notes.

310. This course is about creative thinking.

311. All right. Look.

312. Conservatives, right?

313. Liberals,

314. rappers,

315. skinheads,

316. nudists,

317. They all have something in common. You know what it is?

318. Ooh, they all been on montel Williams?

319. See,

320. I can't hear you,

321. because you no longer exist.

322. Oh, but you could shove me, though, right?

323. What they have in common is

324. they all have a distinct version

325. But do we really care what the truth is?

326. No, we don't.

327. We wanna know, how come nobody loves me?

328. Where's my next paycheck coming from?

329. Or, how come I never get any breaks in life?

330. All right.

331. Get some work done, let's get on our feet.

332. We need a couple volunteers to start with.

333. Let's get some people who have a

334. personal philosophy

335. that is rooted in, oh, I don't know,

336. Whoa, o.K., that's what I thought.

337. Nothing kinky. We just need two.

338. Denise, right? Denise and, uh, hmm,

339. ah, ooh, uh...

340. Evan.

341. Good. All right.

342. Right up there.

343. Now, don't be nervous.

344. You're just gonna engage in a little dialectic.

345. Dialectic is a $10 word,

346. and it means debate.

347. I should've never dropped out of his class.

348. Hey, Uncle Phil! What are you doing down here?

349. I'm gonna tape Carlton's first pep rally.

350. You have no idea how proud I am that he's the peacock.

351. Nope. Not even a clue.

352. Oh, hey, you got a little time, though, Uncle Phil.

353. You want some grub?

354. I've already eaten.

355. Is that a "yes" or a "no"?

356. Man, this brings back memories.

357. Yeah, I bet you was in the top of your class

358. at Princeton, huh, Uncle Phil?

359. Uh, actually, far from it.

360. I was spinning my wheels

361. until I met Matthew Langford.

362. Oh, who's that? One of your professors?

363. Oh, not one.

364. The Professor.

365. The man changed my life.

366. Turned a skinny little kid from South Carolina

367. into the man you see before you today.

368. You know how? He challenged me.

369. To what?

370. A pie-eating contest?

371. To having a fool as a nephew.

372. I have this theory.

373. I believe that everyone in college

374. has one special teacher that...

375. That gives them an insight,

376. a glimpse into who they really are.

377. Be on the lookout, will.

378. I think I found that dude already, Uncle Phil.

379. I was in my third year before I found Professor Langford.

380. Oh, Uncle Phil, let me tell you.

381. This dude is hilarious.

382. I mean, he's fun, he's funny.

383. He makes me think about stuff in a way that...

384. That I never even looked at it before.

385. And I dropped his class.

386. Let me guess.

387. Western philosophy, right?

388. How does everybody know that?

389. Because every time you're faced with a challenge,

390. Whoa, come on. Now, that is not true, Uncle Phil.

391. I mean, this whole college thing is just kind of new to me.

392. Oh, bull. It's old territory.

393. I mean, you're always going on

394. about how you want to be out on your own

395. and get respect.

396. But you don't do anything to earn it.

397. Oh, look, I think it's my break time.

398. What the hell is wrong with you anyway?

399. I mean, y-you're smart, you're charming.

400. You have gifts that other people would kill to have.

401. And what do you do?

402. You throw it away by taking the easy road.

403. Uncle Phil, this is one class.

404. No, this is not one class, will,

405. this is your life.

406. It's not my life, it's not Carlton's life.

407. An you only get out of it what you put into it.

408. And you are off to one lousy start.

409. Well, enough about me, Uncle Phil.

410. Let's talk about you.

411. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

412. Today's topic of conversation is this glass.

413. Is it, "a," half empty

414. or "b," half full?

415. Professor Mansfield, it's an emergency.

416. You gotta come out here.

417. What's the matter, will?

418. Can't move those oranges at the off ramp?

419. Come on, Professor Mansfield.

420. I'm serious. You gotta come out here.

421. All right, all right, all right.

422. Listen, just wax philosophically for a few moments

423. by yourselves.

424. All right, will, what is it?

425. What did you want me to see?

426. Here it is. The new me.

427. What happened to yesterday's you?

428. Well...

429. Yesterday's reality

430. isn't necessarily today's.

431. Oh, you're mastering the lingo. I'm impressed.

432. That's good, 'cause I wanna get back in your class.

433. I'm sorry, will.

434. Some other student already took your spot.

435. No. No.

436. Hey, come on, Professor Mansfield.

437. Please. You gotta do me this favor. Please.

438. You come to me, my son,

439. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

440. I'm gonna let you back in this class.

441. Thanks a lot, godfather.

442. Unfortunately, the class registrar's closed,

443. so you won't receive any credit.

444. Wait but, whoa! Hold on.

445. Freshmen have to carry 12 credits.

446. I mean, I'd have to pick up another class,

447. plus do all the work in this one.

448. You gotta love the irony, though, huh?

449. You got a deal.

450. Good. Take a seat.

451. This looks like a good seat.

452. Right, man. Over there.

453. Here's another oldie, but a goodie.

454. If a tree falls in a forest

455. and nobody's around to hear it,

456. does it make a sound?

457. Yes. Yeah. Yes, it does.

458. No.

459. No, it don't.

460. yeah. It's a tree. It has to. Yeah.

461. Yeah, it—

462. well, how big is the tree?

463. is— is— is it anywhere near a subway

464. or anything like that?

465. Oh, how close is this forest to the ghetto?

466. Ok, all right. All right.

467. How about if it landed on, like, a gopher

468. or something like that?

469. Hey, does the noise

470. that the gopher makes count?

471. Well, what if it fall on my Uncle Phil

472. and he hurt the tree?

473. Will, I almost forgot, I took the liberty of

474. jotting down a few courses you might be interested in.

475. Carlton, thank you very much,

476. but I already have my academic...

477. Stuff in order.

478. Captioning made possible by Warner bros.

479. Good job, will.