1. It's delicious.
Copy !req
2. Should eat some first.
Copy !req
3. Sir, I hate
to disturb you
during feeding time,
Copy !req
4. but there's a man
snooping around
the premises.
Copy !req
5. Daddy, call the police.
Copy !req
6. I'll handle this.
Copy !req
7. No, I got this one,
Uncle Phil.
Copy !req
8. What are you doing
in our backyard,
man?
Copy !req
9. Oh my God.
Uncle Phil,
he's got a...
Copy !req
10. Business card!
Copy !req
11. Sorry I startled anyone.
Nobody answered
the front door.
Copy !req
12. I'm a realtor.
Ron Reed.
Copy !req
13. You still don't
have the right
Copy !req
14. to go traipsing
around our property.
Copy !req
15. I've got a client
who's prepared
Copy !req
16. to make a generous offer
on this house.
Copy !req
17. Then come in, Ron.
It is Ron, isn't it?
Copy !req
18. Sit down.
Take a load off, yes.
Copy !req
19. Care for some salmon?
Copy !req
20. Carlton!
Copy !req
21. What kind of offer?
Copy !req
22. Well above market value.
Copy !req
23. My client wants it
for his nephew.
Copy !req
24. It's not for sale.
Copy !req
25. How much?
Copy !req
26. Shut up, Carlton.
Copy !req
27. If you'll hear me out.
Copy !req
28. My client's nephew
grew up in this house,
Copy !req
29. and he'd like
to repurchase it
for sentimental reasons.
Copy !req
30. How much?
Copy !req
31. Shut up, Carlton!
Copy !req
32. I was...
Copy !req
33. Hey, Uncle Phil, man,
Copy !req
34. you're not really
going to consider
Copy !req
35. selling this house,
are you?
Copy !req
36. Come on. This place
is special to us.
Copy !req
37. I'm authorized to bid
a half million dollars
above fair market value.
Copy !req
38. I'm going to pack
my stuff, alright?
Copy !req
39. it's kind of tempting,
huh?
Copy !req
40. Especially
with real estate
being soft.
Copy !req
41. Am I the only one
Copy !req
42. who doesn't think
making money is always
the bottom line?
Copy !req
43. Let's hope so.
Copy !req
44. Very funny, Carlton.
Copy !req
45. Look, some stranger
wants to buy this house
for sentimental reasons.
Copy !req
46. What about
our sentimental reasons?
Copy !req
47. We love this house.
Copy !req
48. You know,
I think Ashley's right.
Copy !req
49. This place has got
a lot of memories.
Copy !req
50. Living here has been almost
a religious experience.
Copy !req
51. My father would kill me
if he knew I was out
with a boy tonight.
Copy !req
52. I told him
I was going to church.
Copy !req
53. The lord is good.
Copy !req
54. Why don't you come on
over here and relax
a little bit?
Copy !req
55. O.K.
Copy !req
56. Ahem.
Copy !req
57. Boy, you are
pretty slick,
will Smith.
Copy !req
58. And I ain't even
oiled up yet,
you know?
Copy !req
59. Hey, you know what?
Copy !req
60. You can sell the house.
Copy !req
61. It's the couch
that got the memories...
Copy !req
62. And the jacuzzi...
Copy !req
63. Carlton's little
typewriting table.
Copy !req
64. Hey!
Copy !req
65. Look, kids,
this is serious.
Copy !req
66. What should we do,
Philip?
Copy !req
67. I can't imagine
living someplace else.
Copy !req
68. This is where
we raised our children
Copy !req
69. and taught them to be
responsible adults.
Copy !req
70. Here, hilary,
you take it out.
Copy !req
71. Out where?
Copy !req
72. To the trash cans.
Copy !req
73. Those things you hit
whenever you back out
the car.
Copy !req
74. Thank God!
I thought it was
the neighbor's kids.
Copy !req
75. Ow!
Copy !req
76. This is gross! I don't touch
greasy,
disgusting things.
Copy !req
77. Just pretend
it's buying you dinner
afterwards.
Copy !req
78. You take it.
Copy !req
79. Girl!
Copy !req
80. For your information,
dinner comes first.
Copy !req
81. Oh, it's like that, right?
Copy !req
82. You're just going
to slam garbage at me.
Copy !req
83. Good morning, will.
Copy !req
84. Good morning, Uncle Phil.
Here's your lunch.
Copy !req
85. Thank you.
Copy !req
86. We all new Ashley
was, well, cute.
Copy !req
87. But with my help,
she has turned into
an absolute knockout.
Copy !req
88. So it gives me
great pleasure
to present,
Copy !req
89. the new Ashley banks.
Copy !req
90. Well, isn't she the most
gorgeous creature
you've ever seen?
Copy !req
91. Ashley sweetheart,
are you comfortable
dressed like this?
Copy !req
92. Well, daddy, it all
comes down to a—
Copy !req
93. Ashley, aren't we
forgetting something?
Copy !req
94. You're so in tune
with my needs.
Copy !req
95. It was amazing
and endless
and magnificent.
Copy !req
96. I think I saw God.
Copy !req
97. Stand up.
Copy !req
98. We're sorry.
Copy !req
99. I fell. I fell.
I fell. I fell.
Copy !req
100. You'd think
in a house this big,
Copy !req
101. a fella would get
some privacy.
Copy !req
102. Or stronger doors.
Copy !req
103. Whatever. I still
think we shouldn't
sell this house.
Copy !req
104. It's home.
Copy !req
105. Ashley, this house
obviously means a lot
to all of us,
Copy !req
106. but you don't get
an offer like this
every day.
Copy !req
107. I have to
consider it.
Copy !req
108. Excuse me?
Copy !req
109. I mean your mother and I
will have to give it
some real consideration,
Copy !req
110. isn't that right,
sweetheart?
Copy !req
111. Dear?
Copy !req
112. Man, if we end up moving
into another guest house,
Copy !req
113. I'm getting
the bedroom this time.
Copy !req
114. Who knows if the new place
Copy !req
115. will even have
a guest house?
Copy !req
116. We'll bring
a shoe box
you can sleep in.
Copy !req
117. Listen, my friend,
I haven't exactly
gotten a kick
Copy !req
118. out of being
your roommate either.
Copy !req
119. I can't imagine
anything more irritating
Copy !req
120. than sharing a pool house
with you.
Copy !req
121. I can.
How about sharing
a jail cell with you?
Copy !req
122. Come on, man, let it go.
You'll feel better.
Copy !req
123. yeah, well,
that whole fiasco
was your fault.
Copy !req
124. You're totally immature.
Copy !req
125. I'm immature?
Copy !req
126. Well, isn't that
the munchkin calling
the midget short?
Copy !req
127. Oh, what a night!
I made a killing.
26 milky ways.
Copy !req
128. And the democrats say
there's a recession.
Copy !req
129. What are you
supposed to be?
Copy !req
130. My idol—
maccauley culkin.
Copy !req
131. And you know why
he's my idol?
Copy !req
132. Why? 'Cause y'all
the same height?
Copy !req
133. How dare you two
defy me?
Copy !req
134. Now, see here, big guy.
Copy !req
135. Oh, my God! Howard!
Copy !req
136. And to think
I laid out 50 big ones
on your damn cake.
Copy !req
137. I got you that really,
really neat one
in the commercials—
Copy !req
138. the one that goes,
Copy !req
139. Carlton! Carlton!
Copy !req
140. I don't know how
I've been around you
this long.
Copy !req
141. What's wrong
with being around me?
Copy !req
142. Oh, well...
Copy !req
143. How about "I'll take always
embarrassing me
for 500, Alex"?
Copy !req
144. What have I ever done
to embarrass you?
Copy !req
145. Oh, well, you,
you gotta few days?
Copy !req
146. You really think
we made it?
Copy !req
147. Whether we did or not,
you hung in there.
I'm proud of you.
Copy !req
148. You're proud of me?
Copy !req
149. You never said that to me
before in my life.
Copy !req
150. Give me a hug.
Copy !req
151. That's exactly why
I never tell you
nothing.
Copy !req
152. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Copy !req
153. Admit it, will.
You care about me.
Copy !req
154. I do not.
Copy !req
155. Yes, you do. You like me.
You like having me around.
Copy !req
156. Carlton,
take it back, man.
Copy !req
157. Face it.
Copy !req
158. Just got to face it.
Copy !req
159. You love me.
Copy !req
160. Alright,
that was a bad example.
Copy !req
161. You're not so much
of an embarrassment.
Copy !req
162. Apology accepted.
Copy !req
163. Hey, come on.
See, man. Damn.
Copy !req
164. So, after careful
consideration,
Copy !req
165. we've decided
not to sell.
Copy !req
166. Daddy!
Copy !req
167. Oh, man!
Copy !req
168. We just couldn't part
with this place.
Copy !req
169. In the final analysis,
there are more important
things than money.
Copy !req
170. Would everyone
stop saying that?
Copy !req
171. I'm getting
a migraine!
Copy !req
172. We got some baby Tylenol
in the kitchen.
Copy !req
173. Hello.
Copy !req
174. Ah! Ron! I was just
going to call you.
Copy !req
175. Look, we've talked it over,
Copy !req
176. and we've decided
not to sell.
Copy !req
177. I don't think
there's anything
you could say to me
Copy !req
178. that could change—
Copy !req
179. what's that?
You're kidding.
Copy !req
180. Could you hold on?
Copy !req
181. Philip,
what's going on?
Copy !req
182. Ron said that his buyer
is willing to go
$1 million
Copy !req
183. above market value.
Copy !req
184. Whoa!
Copy !req
185. Aah!
Copy !req
186. Yes, there is a God!
Copy !req
187. Look at you all!
Copy !req
188. Will, say something.
Copy !req
189. Ching! Ching!
Copy !req
190. We have to talk
about this.
Copy !req
191. Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Copy !req
192. That was Ron.
Copy !req
193. The buyer's flying in
tonight from New York.
Copy !req
194. $1 million.
Copy !req
195. But I don't want
to move!
Copy !req
196. Whoa! Whoa!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Copy !req
197. Hey, girl.
Copy !req
198. Ashley, this is
$1 million here.
Copy !req
199. Uncle Phil
will put that money
in the bank, right,
Copy !req
200. and then start getting
all kinds of crazy interest.
Copy !req
201. Then it's bonds,
then it's that t-bill
stuff.
Copy !req
202. They got some certificates.
Copy !req
203. Then junk be compounding.
Copy !req
204. What are you saying?
Copy !req
205. I have no idea.
Copy !req
206. Money! Money! Money!
Copy !req
207. Is that all
you care about?
Copy !req
208. I've been very happy
in this house.
Copy !req
209. A lot of exciting things
have happened to me here.
Copy !req
210. You're 15 years old.
Copy !req
211. How much excitement
could you possibly
have had?
Copy !req
212. A lot more than you,
Carlton.
Copy !req
213. Happy Birthday, Ashley.
Copy !req
214. I... Think I'd feel better
if I could kiss you.
Copy !req
215. I'm sorry.
Is that terrible?
Copy !req
216. No.
Copy !req
217. Is it terrible
that I want
to kiss you back?
Copy !req
218. Can I blow in your ear?
Copy !req
219. Why?
Copy !req
220. I don't know.
I heard will say it.
Copy !req
221. Oh... O.K.
Copy !req
222. Hey, Ashley,
you ain't tell me
Copy !req
223. that dude
blew in your ear.
Copy !req
224. Me, either.
Copy !req
225. I, uh, embellished?
Copy !req
226. I think
you've more than made
your opinion known
Copy !req
227. to Ashley
and her boyfriends.
Copy !req
228. Who's this?
Copy !req
229. We met at the mall.
Copy !req
230. What's your name, son?
Copy !req
231. This.
Copy !req
232. This is a stick
with a snake
wrapped around it.
Copy !req
233. It's a symbol,
like prince.
Copy !req
234. Prince who?
Copy !req
235. That's exactly
Copy !req
236. why fathers
ain't allowed
at the mall.
Copy !req
237. Uh,
what's this thing?
Copy !req
238. It's a symbol...
For "get out of my house!"
Copy !req
239. So I lost my temper once.
Who hasn't?
Copy !req
240. Excuse me. Once?
Copy !req
241. Speaking as a lawyer,
Copy !req
242. your daughter suits
the criminal profile
to a "t."
Copy !req
243. Right down to the low,
sloping forehead
Copy !req
244. and the wide jaw
suitable for grains
and small rodents.
Copy !req
245. I think you must have her
confused with your mama.
Copy !req
246. I don't want you
to move.
Copy !req
247. I have to go.
Copy !req
248. No, you don't.
Copy !req
249. Will says I do.
Copy !req
250. He says it's time
for me to leave the nest,
Copy !req
251. become independent,
and have sex with girls...
Copy !req
252. Safe sex, mind you,
but lots of it.
Copy !req
253. Excuse me!
Copy !req
254. Is this
what you've been
telling my boy—
Copy !req
255. that life
is one big orgy?
Copy !req
256. College is hard work,
followed by a family,
Copy !req
257. which is even harder.
Copy !req
258. And a teenage daughter
who's embarrassed by you
Copy !req
259. and a wife
who won't let you
anywhere near her
Copy !req
260. and a Butler who may be
the father of your child.
Copy !req
261. Dad! Dad!
Copy !req
262. You big-eared
freeloader!
Copy !req
263. Take your little
square-headed cousin here
Copy !req
264. and find Geoffrey,
and you bring him back,
Copy !req
265. or they'll
never find your bodies.
Copy !req
266. I'm a judge.
I can make it happen.
Copy !req
267. Alright, so I have
an ugly side.
Copy !req
268. And you could write
"goodyear" on it.
Copy !req
269. The more I think
about it,
Copy !req
270. I won't mind
saying goodbye
to this place.
Copy !req
271. I've experienced
the greatest tragedies
of my life here.
Copy !req
272. Damn!
Copy !req
273. And I mean that
in the nicest
possible way, hil.
Copy !req
274. I look like
a troll doll!
Copy !req
275. Look! There he goes.
Copy !req
276. Hilary banks...
Copy !req
277. Oh, yes, Trevor!
Copy !req
278. Will you marry me?
Copy !req
279. I ain't no bungee expert
or nothing,
Copy !req
280. but I don't think he's
supposed to be slamming
into the ground like that.
Copy !req
281. If I hadn't asked
for a special proposal,
Copy !req
282. Trevor would be
in my arms
Copy !req
283. instead of in my purse.
Copy !req
284. I love you, Trevor.
Copy !req
285. Um... Hilary,
Copy !req
286. Trevor wasn't cremated.
Copy !req
287. Ew! Then who's this?
Copy !req
288. I'll see him
to the door, miss hilary.
Copy !req
289. I'm still not over
that hair thing.
Copy !req
290. Geoffrey, we'll need
hors d'oeuvres tonight.
Copy !req
291. What do we have
in the house?
Copy !req
292. Whatever
he hasn't eaten.
Copy !req
293. Geoffrey, for once,
could you please
cut the sarcasm?
Copy !req
294. Sarcasm?
Copy !req
295. Whatever
do you mean?
Copy !req
296. Geoffrey,
go fetch my tools.
Copy !req
297. You mean your knife
and fork?
Copy !req
298. Jazz, to what
do we owe your presence?
Copy !req
299. My guess would be
inbreeding.
Copy !req
300. Sweetheart,
it hasn't been
that long
Copy !req
301. since we've made love,
has it?
Copy !req
302. Five months this Tuesday.
Copy !req
303. Why, that's just
good-natured ribbing,
sir,
Copy !req
304. unlike those ruthless barbs
from master William.
Copy !req
305. Me?
Copy !req
306. Earthquake!
Copy !req
307. Man changed my life.
Copy !req
308. Turned a skinny
little kid
from South Carolina
Copy !req
309. into the man you see
before you today.
Copy !req
310. You know how?
He challenged me.
Copy !req
311. To what,
a pie-eating contest?
Copy !req
312. What is wrong
with you people?
Copy !req
313. I weigh the same thing
I weighed in high school.
Copy !req
314. Yeah, if you add up
all four years.
Copy !req
315. Hey, hey, hey, man.
Copy !req
316. Man, have I told you
how thin you looking
lately?
Copy !req
317. Well, no, especially
around your chins.
Copy !req
318. I mean, um...
Copy !req
319. Damn.
Copy !req
320. That must be him.
Copy !req
321. We're doing
the right thing,
aren't we?
Copy !req
322. We should sell.
Copy !req
323. She's buckling, dad!
Throw some cold water
on her!
Copy !req
324. Carlton!
Copy !req
325. Of course we're doing
the right thing,
sweetheart.
Copy !req
326. Sir, it is
my esteemed pleasure
Copy !req
327. to introduce
Mr. and Mrs. Donald trump.
Copy !req
328. It's the Donald!
Oh, my God!
Copy !req
329. Mr. and Mrs. trump,
it's an honor to, uh,
to, um, meet you.
Copy !req
330. Well, Ron said his client
had a rich Uncle,
but Donald trump...
Copy !req
331. I like keeping
a low profile.
Copy !req
332. Hi. Hilary banks.
Copy !req
333. You know, you look
much richer in person.
Copy !req
334. Hey, Mr. trump.
Hi. How you doing?
Copy !req
335. Will Smith.
Copy !req
336. Listen, you are getting
a great house here,
Copy !req
337. and this is
quite a deal
Copy !req
338. you're getting
for it, too.
Copy !req
339. For another 50 grand,
Copy !req
340. I'll cut
the grass for you
every Saturday.
Copy !req
341. Look, folks,
before we go too far,
Copy !req
342. I've got something
to tell you.
Copy !req
343. Excuse me.
But I've got something
to tell you first.
Copy !req
344. Thank you
for ruining my life!
Copy !req
345. Ashley!
Copy !req
346. What did you do?
Copy !req
347. Everybody's
always blaming me
for everything.
Copy !req
348. Let's sit down
and sign some papers.
Copy !req
349. Mr. banks, there's been
a little mistake.
Copy !req
350. Mr. trump's nephew
grew up at
508 St. cloud road.
Copy !req
351. And all this time,
Copy !req
352. I thought
our address was
805 St. cloud road.
Copy !req
353. It is, hilary.
Copy !req
354. It's very embarrassing.
Copy !req
355. Apparently,
I inverted the numbers.
Copy !req
356. I don't know
what to say,
I'm sorry.
Copy !req
357. That makes two of us.
Copy !req
358. Well, that's business.
Copy !req
359. Let's go down the street.
Copy !req
360. I brought cash.
It's quicker.
Copy !req
361. Nice meeting
you all.
Copy !req
362. It's just too much
of a fixer-upper.
Copy !req
363. Vivian, Vivian,
Vivian, Vivian.
Copy !req
364. No, no. No, no.
Copy !req
365. What...
Copy !req
366. What happened?
Copy !req
367. Donald trump walked in,
and you passed out.
Copy !req
368. Donald?
Where is he?
Copy !req
369. He'll be the guy
carrying millions
of dollars in cash.
Copy !req
370. If you hurry up—
Copy !req
371. oh, well, I guess this
makes you very happy.
Copy !req
372. And you are, too.
Come on, admit it.
Copy !req
373. Yes! We're staying!
Copy !req
374. Yes, you know,
it's probably
for the best.
Copy !req
375. I guess
deep down inside,
Copy !req
376. none of us really
wanted to move.
Copy !req
377. Of course I do hear
des moines is great
this time of year.
Copy !req
378. In 5, 4, 3, 2.
Copy !req
379. But it'll cut into
my trick or treat—
Copy !req
380. here we go.
Copy !req
381. But it'll cut into
my trick or treat—
Copy !req
382. I'll just
say my line and go.
Copy !req
383. I just won $1,000.
Copy !req
384. In 5, 4, 3, 2.
Copy !req
385. It ain't me.
It ain't me.
Copy !req
386. This is—
Copy !req
387. I can't get it out.
Copy !req