1. Hey, my brother.
I just came back
from the free clinic,
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2. and guess what I got.
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3. What, man?
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4. The phone number of
those two nurses we met.
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5. Oh, the twins that
sleep in the same bed?
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6. With some luck,
we could put an end
to that streak.
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7. Oh, hey, Felipe,
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8. I need you to cover
my next shift.
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9. Actually, cover
my next three shifts.
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10. You know how demanding
twins can be.
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11. Yes, my brother,
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12. it's going
to be some night.
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13. Oh, wait.
I just remembered.
I can't go.
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14. Well, why not?
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15. I'm getting married.
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16. captioning made possible by
Warner bros.
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17. What do you mean,
you're getting married?
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18. Her name
is jewel Robinson.
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19. getting busted
for grand theft, auto.
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20. Jazz,
the woman's a convict?
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21. We prefer the term
"freedom impaired."
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22. How about the term,
"not playing with
a full cell block"?
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23. You don't understand, man.
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24. Jewel makes
my life complete.
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25. See, I know you look
at me and you say,
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26. "damn. That jazz
has it all."
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27. But the truth is,
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28. behind these shades
there's a big,
empty hole.
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29. Well, that's
for damn sure.
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30. And I was going
to make you my best man.
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31. Oh, really?
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32. Your best man?
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33. Well, you are
my best friend,
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34. and all my other friends
just pretend to like me
for my money.
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35. That's because
you owe it to them.
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36. The ceremony's
at the women's
correctional institution
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37. next Tuesday.
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38. Whoa, whoa, jazz, you—
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39. you're getting married
at the prison?
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40. Why not?
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41. It's free.
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42. We follow an execution.
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43. Jazz, ain't no
homey of mine
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44. getting married
up in no prison.
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45. Well, unless you
got a rich Uncle
or something,
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46. that's how
it's got to be.
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47. There she is—
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48. jewel Robinson,
number 54820,
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49. Crime—grand theft, auto.
Time served—two years.
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50. Let's take a look
at the video tape.
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51. Officer down!
We need backup!
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52. Get her off of me!
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53. She's biting my nose!
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54. Has jazz lost his mind?
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55. I mean, woof!
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56. What's wrong
with her face?
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57. Sweetheart, it's
electronically
scrambled.
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58. Whatever. I just hope
she's not toying
with jazz's emotions.
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59. I'd hate to see
a sweet guy like that
get hurt.
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60. Honey, up till today,
you've never said
a nice thing about jazz.
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61. Up till today,
jazz was available.
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62. Well, forbidden fruit
always looks more
tempting, doesn't it?
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63. Mother, for God's sake,
he's half your age.
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64. Well,
I'm happy for jazz.
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65. I think
it is so romantic.
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66. I give it three weeks.
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67. The marriage
or her parole?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
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68. Yo, whoa, whoa. Hey,
that's not funny. Jazz
is my best friend.
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69. Was. Be prepared, will.
Marriage brings about
new priorities.
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70. You may find that
jazz has less time
to spend with you
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71. once he's taken a wife.
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72. Oh, please. Ain't
no way jazz nor me
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73. gonna let some honey
come in between us.
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74. Yeah, that's what
I thought, too.
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75. I lost all my friends.
Isn't that right, honey?
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76. Uh... But, uh, you know,
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77. but it wasn't like I was
going to need them.
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78. After all, I wasn't going
to have any fun anymore.
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79. Uh...
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80. Uh, honey.
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81. Uh—uh, sweetheart.
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82. Uh—uh... Uh,
baby, darling.
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83. Man, I knew you had
a man-size appetite,
but both feet?
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84. Don't worry, daddy.
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85. Hey, well, look,
I don't even care.
Look, jazz is in love,
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86. and I'm gonna
make sure that he has
the best wedding ever,
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87. even if I got
to pay for it myself.
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88. I mean,
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89. even though I am
just a po' black man
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90. trying to get
my "edu-ma-cation."
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91. I am not
shelling out
for jazz's wedding.
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92. Oh, please,
now I seem
to remember
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93. a rather large
relative of mine
saying that
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94. "if jazz would just
find some bimbo
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95. "to get his mind
off of hilary,
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96. I'd be more than
happy to pay
for the wedding."
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97. Uh, oh, well, uh...
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98. Way to go, judge banks.
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99. You pretend
to uphold the law,
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100. but you're gonna renege
on a verbal contract?
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101. Well, she is a convict.
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102. I could call it
a rehabilitation party
and write if off.
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103. Hey, check it out.
You're a judge.
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104. You can perform
the ceremony.
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105. Pay yourself
25 bucks.
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106. 50.
I don't care.
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107. Pay yourself 100.
It's your money.
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108. Oh, I've finally found
the man of my dreams.
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109. Marry me, Carlton.
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110. Very funny, will,
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111. but while you're
playing with dolls,
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112. I mean, we are going
to have a convict
in the house.
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113. Hey, look,
jazz, would you
relax, man?
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114. I can't help myself,
will. Not with jewel
due any minute.
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115. Oh, is she pregnant, too?
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116. Of course not.
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117. I have the deepest
respect for her,
Mr. banks.
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118. She's a class act.
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119. Somebody wants to
know where the bride
is registered.
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120. Gillespie liquors.
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121. She's here.
She's here.
She's here.
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122. Carlton!
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123. I also put my
diamond cufflinks
in a balloon
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124. and swallowed them.
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125. That's more than
I ever wanted
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126. to know about you,
Carlton.
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127. Ok, everybody
just relax.
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128. Well, hi there,
Mr. man.
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129. You like my dress?
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130. Hilary, will you
get out of my way?
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131. You're blocking my view.
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132. Ms. jewel Robinson.
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133. Jazzy!
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134. Munchkin!
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135. There's a lot
to be said
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136. for a woman who's
been in prison
a long time.
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137. Hey.
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138. Yo.
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139. Hello in there.
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140. Munchkin, these are
the lovely people
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141. who've opened their home
and their wallet to us.
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142. Hey, I'm will,
the best man.
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143. Oh, yeah? As far as
I can see, this here
is the best man.
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144. I love his bony butt.
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145. And it loves you,
too, my pet.
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146. Carlton banks here.
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147. our fine collection
of European autos
in our driveway.
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148. I also noticed you have
a very small head.
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149. Hey.
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150. We are very happy
to have you in our home.
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151. Thanks. And
I guess it's true
what they say—
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152. you can't buy
good taste.
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153. Now, which one
of you is the
desperately
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154. self-centered,
stuck-up
clothes horse?
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155. Guilty.
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156. Now just a minute,
young lady.
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157. I'm sorry.
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158. that I should say what's
on my mind and not keep
too much bottled up.
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159. Otherwise I,
you know, go out and do
something stupid
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160. like hot-wiring
a lexus,
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161. although it did
get me on prime time.
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162. Capturing the hearts
of viewers everywhere.
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163. I just want to say,
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164. I'll hunt you down
like the dog that
you are and kill you.
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165. Well, got to go shop
for your present.
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166. Beautiful and nuts.
You must be very proud.
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167. Well, hey, look,
I've got an idea.
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168. Jazz, why don't you take
jewel into the kitchen
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169. and get her some grub.
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170. That's if tubby here
hasn't eaten it all.
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171. Come in. Just trying on
my wedding dress.
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172. Hey, jewel, I just
wanted to come and
check, you know,
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173. and see if there's any
last-minute things
you needed.
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174. You know, a cup of
coffee, a blood test.
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175. Actually, I thought
I'd see if you could
live up to your title—
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176. you know, best man.
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177. Oh, what'd you
have in mind?
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178. Could you help me
with this?
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179. Oh, it's already
zipped up.
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180. I know.
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181. I want you
to zip it down.
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182. Um...
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183. I don't think
that's a good idea.
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184. Listen, oh!
My cousin hilary is
right down the hall.
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185. I'm gonna get
hilary.
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186. Come on.
I got to take a shower
and do my hair.
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187. Now, hurry up.
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188. if—if somebody was
to walk in here
right now...
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189. They might think
you was hitting
on me.
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190. Trust me. If I was
hitting on you,
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191. you'd know it.
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192. Really?
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193. How?
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194. Ok. You made
your point.
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195. Uncle Phil, you busy?
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196. What's on your mind,
will?
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197. Um...
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198. Jewel kissed me.
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199. It's customary
to kiss the bride.
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200. This was like one of
them fatal attraction
elevator scene kisses,
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201. you know what I'm
saying? You know?
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202. Oh, come on. You're
exaggerating, will.
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203. Listen. Listen, Uncle
Phil, I'm telling you.
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204. I went up to the room
to see if she needed
anything, all right?
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205. She kissed me
on my lips, all right?
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206. She jumped on
and she was stuck on me,
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207. and I was trying to
shake her off, but I
couldn't get her off.
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208. She was like a little
naked velcro midget.
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209. What am I going to do,
Uncle Phil?
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210. Guess you've only got
two choices—
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211. you can either
tell jazz or not.
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212. And you're a judge,
right?
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213. Well, maybe this story
will help you.
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214. You know,
when I was younger,
I was a pretty sexy guy.
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215. Look, if you're not
going to take this
seriously, Uncle Phil—
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216. do you want to hear
this story?
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217. Ok. I was driving home
from a party
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218. with my buddy
and his girlfriend.
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219. Now, my buddy
fell asleep.
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220. The next thing I know,
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221. she leans across
and fastens my seat belt.
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222. You know
what I'm saying?
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223. Please don't do that,
Uncle Phil.
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224. Sorry.
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225. Anyway, I figured
that our friendship
was strong enough
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226. to stand the truth,
so we went out for a beer
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227. and I told him
everything that happened.
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228. Well, did he thank you?
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229. Oh, yeah.
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230. With a barstool
on the head.
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231. Well, but,
I mean, jazz ain't
the violent type...
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232. I don't think.
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233. Well, the point is,
to be a good friend,
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234. you have to risk
losing a good friend.
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235. I think I know
what I got to do.
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236. I got to
find somebody else
to talk to about this.
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237. Hey.
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238. Hey.
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239. How's it going?
This is the best day
of my life.
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240. Did I thank you for
everything you've done
for me and jewel?
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241. Well, not everything.
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242. I hope you two
will be close.
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243. She touched me, will,
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244. and I know
she'll touch you, too.
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245. Yeah, listen. Hey,
actually, jazz,
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246. that's kind of
what I wanted to
talk to you about.
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247. See, listen,
last night—
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248. she told you
about our decision?
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249. What decision?
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250. The one we made
last night.
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251. We're going to have
10 kids,
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252. one for every month
of the year.
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253. And we're going to
name them all after you.
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254. Jazz, hey, you ain't
got to do that, man.
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255. Ok, then.
We'll name them Earl.
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256. Yeah, yeah.
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257. Yeah,
that's cool, jazz.
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258. See, me and jewel,
we got this crazy dream.
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259. We're going to
keep our kids
out of reform school.
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260. See, will, I don't know
how long this happiness
is going to last.
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261. If it's
for just one day,
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262. that's more than I've
ever known before.
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263. So, what did you want
to talk to me about?
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264. Oh, I just wanted
to thank you
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265. for picking out
these lovely yellow
and green ensembles.
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266. You're welcome.
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267. Cell block 41
has arrived.
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268. Welcome, ladies.
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269. Please take a moment
to sign our guest book.
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270. And now, if I could
just have your thumb...
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271. You know,
I resent being treated
like a common thief.
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272. Oh, you do, do you?
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273. Well, what kind
of cold-hearted,
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274. viscous, evil crime
did you commit?
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275. Securities fraud.
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276. Really?
An inside trader?
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277. So...
Are you here alone?
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278. Ladies and gentlemen,
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279. if you'd all
please take your seats.
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280. And I want to thank you
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281. for attending
this wonderful occasion.
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282. Are you kidding?
Jazz ain't got no friends.
I hired these people.
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283. Ashley?
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284. stop the wedding!
You can't marry her, jazz.
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285. We're not cousins,
are we?
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286. Hilary, what's
the meaning of this?
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287. I'm in love with him.
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288. Oh, my God.
What am I saying?
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289. I'm going to go lie down.
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290. May I continue?
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291. We are gathered together
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292. to join this man
and this woman
in matrimony.
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293. If there's anyone here
who knows
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294. why they should not
be joined together,
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295. let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
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296. Some friend you are.
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297. I'm sorry, jazzy.
We can't get married.
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298. Munchkin!
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299. Jazz!
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300. Freeze!
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301. Munchkin, please!
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302. What about
all our guests
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303. and all the gifts?
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304. I ain't never
owned anything
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305. that still had
the serial number on it.
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306. Jazzy, I'm sorry.
It just wouldn't work.
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307. Will, see if you
could talk to her.
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308. Jazz, I can't—
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309. for little Earl's sake.
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310. Listen, jewel,
you cannot do this
to jazz, all right?
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311. Marry him, ok?
You guys can just
leave the state
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312. and put me
behind you.
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313. Will, I can't.
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314. No, really, I can't.
I'm on parole.
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315. I'm not allowed
to leave the state.
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316. Damn these
good looks of mine!
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317. Now, now, jewel,
I know it's hard, ok?
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318. But you got to look
beyond this charming,
sexy exterior, ok?
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319. You got to see
the real will Smith.
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320. I'm irresponsible,
I'm unreliable,
I'm immature...
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321. Egotistical,
self-centered...
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322. Yeah, yeah,
that's it!
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323. Conceited,
thick-headed,
spoiled...
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324. Ok. That's fine.
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325. And on top of that,
you ain't even
that good-looking.
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326. Then why you
want me so bad?
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327. I only came on to
you 'cause I figured
you'd tell jazz,
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328. and then he'd call
the whole thing off.
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329. But you couldn't
even do that.
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330. I kissed you
for nothing.
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331. Well, damn.
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332. Will,
I've never met anybody
Copy !req
333. who cares for me
as much as jazz does.
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334. You know, whenever
we go into a nice
restaurant,
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335. he carries my tray.
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336. And when it's time to
skip out on the check,
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337. he always holds open
the bathroom window
for me.
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338. Well, that's jazz for you.
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339. Can't you see?
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340. I don't deserve
a man like him.
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341. I mean, look what
he's done for me—
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342. beautiful wedding gown,
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343. getting married
in a bel-air mansion.
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344. Do you know where
my mama was married?
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345. No, where?
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346. I don't know.
I was hoping you did.
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347. Uh... Jewel, believe me
when I tell you,
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348. you and jazz
are made for each other.
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349. Listen, trust me.
I've known jazz
a long time,
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350. and you are the best thing
to ever happen to him.
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351. Will, I'm scared.
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352. What if it
doesn't work out?
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353. It will.
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354. What if it doesn't?
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355. It will.
Copy !req
356. But what if it doesn't?
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357. It will!
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358. Now get in there
and marry that boy!
Copy !req
359. Thanks.
Copy !req
360. Ok. Let's get a shot
of the bridesmaids.
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361. Ok. We're back,
we're back.
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362. Everything's ok.
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363. Bride just got
a little nervous,
Copy !req
364. but who wouldn't,
marrying jazz?
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365. May I continue?
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366. Please do.
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367. The bride and groom have
prepared their own vows.
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368. Jazz?
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369. You are one jewel
I never want to hock.
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370. Sometimes I want to bite you
to see if you're really real.
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371. If love was craps,
you'd be a seven...
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372. If it was
on the first roll.
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373. If it was
on the second roll,
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374. and say
the point was six—
you'd be a six.
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375. 'cause I play the field
on the second roll to make
a couple extra bucks.
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376. Then you'd be a six
on the third roll,
Copy !req
377. and then I'd clean up.
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378. I think you know what
I'm trying to say.
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379. I love you, and you
make me feel lucky.
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380. And now jewel.
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381. I love you, jazzy,
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382. and I want to
be with you always.
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383. Thank you for setting
this little jailbird
free—
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384. body, mind, and spirit.
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385. Baby, I love you.
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386. All right, all right,
all right, all right.
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387. All right, all right,
all right, all right.
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388. Do you, jazz,
take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
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389. Oh, yeah.
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390. Do you, jewel,
take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
Copy !req
391. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
392. By the powers
vested in me,
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393. I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
Copy !req
394. You may kiss the bride.
Copy !req
395. Captioning made possible by
Warner bros.
Copy !req
396. Captioned by the national
captioning institute
—www.Ncicap.Org—
Copy !req
397. ok. Um...
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398. Jewel, jewel,
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399. jewel, jewel,
get off me.
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400. Hey, jewel,
I ain't playing.
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401. Get off me, jewel.
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402. Get off of me, jewel!
Copy !req
403. Ok. You made your point.
Copy !req