1. Now, now, look,
Uncle Phil,
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2. we don't need
nothing too fancy,
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3. long as it got
vibrating bucket seats,
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4. a refrigerated
glove compartment,
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5. and a license plate
that say, "grrr."
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6. Will, this car is for
basic transportation,
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7. not your indulgences.
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8. That's right, big guy.
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9. We want something
that emphasizes
good sense
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10. over style
and excitement.
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11. How about a '94 you?
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12. There it is.
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13. Oh, ok.
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14. Ta-da!
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15. The all-new
accountant vx.
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16. It has the latest
technology
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17. in childproof
door locks.
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18. Carlton, now, what are
the honeys going to say
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19. about a dude cruising
around in one of these?
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20. They'll say, "why,
there goes a thrifty,
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21. level-headed young man."
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22. Yeah. Right
before they say,
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23. "and I'll never
have sex with him."
Copy !req
24. captioning made possible by
Warner bros.
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25. Good afternoon,
gentlemen.
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26. Pete Fletcher.
I'll be right with you.
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27. Thank you. I think
we've found what
we were looking for.
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28. Oh, good.
I like a man who
knows what he wants.
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29. Makes my job
a whole lot easier.
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30. Hey, hey, hey.
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31. Hey, hey, hey.
Whoa.
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32. Uncle Phil, you're not
seriously considering
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33. making me drive
this carltonmobile,
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34. are you?
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35. Son, when I was
in college,
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36. I drove a manure-brown
'65 dodge dart.
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37. So, why are you
taking that out on me?
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38. What a piece of junk.
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39. Tow trucks used to
follow me around
like vultures.
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40. You deserved better,
Uncle Phil.
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41. Ah, perhaps.
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42. Don't
listen to him, dad.
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43. It's a trick.
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44. Check this out,
Uncle Phil.
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45. You like that,
right?
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46. There you are,
Uncle Phil...
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47. 25 years younger,
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48. thousands of pounds
thinner...
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49. Cruising the strip
at Princeton...
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50. Wind blowing through
your big ol' fro...
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51. Honeys checkin' you out.
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52. They saying, "mmm.
There go Philip banks.
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53. He's a bad
mammerjammer."
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54. They waving at you,
Uncle Phil.
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55. Go ahead, wave back.
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56. It's ok. Wave back.
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57. Right on, sisters!
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58. Dad, did I mention that
the all-new accountant
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59. gets 75 Miles
to the gallon?
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60. To hell with the accountant.
I want this.
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61. Excellent choice,
Mr. banks.
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62. Come on
into the office.
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63. We'll crunch some numbers.
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64. All right.
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65. Dad, will just
bamboozled you.
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66. And that's the story
we'll tell your mother.
Thank you, will.
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67. You bought a great car,
Mr. banks.
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68. Thanks
for your business.
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69. No, no. Thank you.
Carlton.
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70. Someday.
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71. Uh, will.
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72. Yes, sir?
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73. I believe
this is yours.
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74. Well, that's the standard
commission for an evader.
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75. Oh, I forgot something.
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76. What, another zero?
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77. Hey, hey.
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78. Well, I can only
pay commissions
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79. to someone
who works for me.
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80. That sounds great, man.
I can't fade that
right now, though.
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81. Well, good for you.
Forget I mentioned it.
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82. What does a college kid need
with cash like this, anyway?
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83. Hey, hey, hey.
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84. Hey, hey.
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85. Wh-wh-what you
talking about?
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86. Will, I believe
you have the makings
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87. of a supersalesman,
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88. and together we can make
piles of money.
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89. Of course, my pile
will be bigger.
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90. How about Saturdays?
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91. Saturdays.
Well, I tell you what.
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92. You throw a cd changer
into my Uncle's evader,
you got a deal.
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93. Done. How about Sundays?
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94. Uh, you got to give me
some wire wheels.
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95. Got to give a brother
a cellular for that.
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96. "As you become
more comfortable
as a salesman,
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97. you'll develop
your own style."
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98. Hmm.
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99. Say, baby,
with all that butt,
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100. you might be needing
a hatchback.
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101. I'm gonna
be so rich.
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102. Hi, will.
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103. Oh. Hey, hil,
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104. mind if I kick
my sales rap on you?
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105. All right, now,
just pretend you're
buyin' a car.
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106. No offense, will,
but I would never
buy a car from you.
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107. Hil, we're pretending here.
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108. You're not my cousin.
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109. You're somebody else.
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110. Oh, I get it.
Ok.
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111. Ahem.
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112. Uh, hi. I'm will Smith.
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113. And I am
the baroness Natasha.
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114. I'm on holiday
in your country
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115. with my husband
the baron...
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116. And my lover...
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117. Gustaf.
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118. Um... Ok,
look, um, baroness,
Copy !req
119. I was wondering
if I could interest you
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120. in a sporty new evader.
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121. It has a v-6 dual—
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122. yes, of course.
I take six of them.
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123. Gustaf, pay the man.
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124. You take jewels, yes?
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125. Hey, thanks a lot, hil.
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126. My pleasure.
Well, I'm off.
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127. You most certainly are.
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128. Look, um, g,
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129. I was wondering
if my sales—
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130. peasant.
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131. Hey, Uncle Phil,
can I kick
my sales rap on you?
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132. Later. Your aunt viv
and I are goin'
for a ride
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133. in daddy's new shorts.
Ha ha ha ha!
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134. Ooh, what is that?
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135. This is cruisin' music—
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136. Al green
and the isley brothers.
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137. Oh, sukey, sukey, now.
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138. Baby.
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139. Come in.
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140. Hey, hey.
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141. Will, will, will.
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142. Man, congratulations. Ha!
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143. Five cars in one day.
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144. I've never seen
anything like it.
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145. Oh, yes, I have.
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146. I'm tellin' you, boss,
it is the best feeling
in the world.
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147. Well,
it's a close second.
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148. You know
what I'm talkin' about.
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149. You know what
I'm talkin' about.
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150. There will be plenty
of time for that.
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151. Now, if you feel good now,
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152. take a look
at your commission check.
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153. I'm sorry.
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154. Are my pants wet?
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155. How many of your friends
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156. can say they made
that kind of money
in one day?
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157. What, you mean legally?
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158. But it's a shame.
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159. Tomorrow when you're
in some chemistry class
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160. learning
about inert gases,
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161. someone will be stealing
your commissions.
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162. Now, that's
where you're wrong.
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163. That's the spirit.
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164. I don't take chemistry,
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165. but I damn sure
know math.
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166. So you can figure
what a fulltime
check would be.
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167. Oh, yes, sir.
5 times this,
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168. carry the 6,
and add a 0.
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169. And what do you get?
I get out of school.
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170. Shake hands with your
new fulltime man.
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171. Whoop. There it is.
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172. Ha ha ha ha!
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173. Isn't this great?
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174. Family, fun,
and no will.
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175. Your turn, son.
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176. Ok, to me.
Copy !req
177. "You're in a department store,
and you find $50 on the ground.
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178. Do you pick it up?"
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179. Of course not.
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180. Geoffrey
picks it up.
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181. Your turn, ash.
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182. Oh. Ok, daddy.
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183. "It's clear that
your teenage daughter
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184. "is not enjoying
the tedious board game
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185. being played in a forced
family-bonding moment.
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186. What do you do?"
Copy !req
187. Fine! I try
to encourage
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188. a little quality
family time together,
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189. Well, if you don't
want to play,
you don't have to.
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190. Go on, get outta here!
Copy !req
191. Philip.
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192. That's what
it says on the card.
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193. Well, I'd ask if there
was something else
you'd rather do and...
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194. Discuss an alternative.
Copy !req
195. Good answer, Philip.
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196. I bet you feel
like a dummy.
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197. Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey!
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198. Yo, I tore up
that sales chart today.
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199. if you find something
that excites you, you
should hold onto it.
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200. That's what gets me
through the day.
Copy !req
201. So, Uncle Phil,
what you're saying
Copy !req
202. is that if a guy
finds a job that he likes,
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203. he should—he should
give it his all.
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204. Then I'm doin'
the right thing.
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205. Of course you are.
What are you doing?
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206. Oh. I'm thinkin'
I'm gonna quit school
and sell cars fulltime.
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207. Boy, have you lost
your damn mind?
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208. There is no way you're
gonna quit school
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209. Well, aunt viv,
it's not like
I'm workin' fries
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210. I'm in a suit and a tie,
and I'm sellin' fine cars.
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211. That's right! College
isn't for everyone.
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212. I think we should all
be happy for him.
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213. That's right.
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214. Hey, thanks
a lot, ash.
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215. Listen,
I get my license
in a few months.
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216. You think you could
hook me up?
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217. Ashley, go to your room.
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218. I got you. I got you.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Go.
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219. Will, your mother
sent you here
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220. If you quit school,
you're just throwin'
it all away.
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221. I won't allow that.
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222. That's not fair,
aunt viv.
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223. Hilary dropped
out of school,
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224. and she turned
out great.
Copy !req
225. Hilary's success is contrary
to the laws of nature,
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226. totally inexplicable.
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227. Oh, stop.
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228. Ok, look, that
was a bad example.
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229. Will, it's stupid.
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230. Stupid?
It's not stupid.
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231. Can we talk to will
in private, please?
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232. It's idiotic.
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233. Look. Uncle Phil,
you go to college
Copy !req
234. to figure out
what you want to do.
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235. I mean, I found
what I want to do,
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236. and it ain't takin' me
no 4 years.
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237. Goin' to college is not
about finding a job.
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238. It's also about
finding yourself.
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239. And the search
should take more
than one weekend.
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240. Why can't you guys
respect my decisions
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241. and treat me
like an adult?
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242. Ok. Fine.
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243. I'm tellin'
your mother.
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244. Oh, aunt viv.
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245. Look. Uncle Phil,
I got to do this, man.
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246. All right, will.
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247. Hey. Come on,
man. It's not
the end of the world.
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248. Yes, it is.
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249. If I'd have waited
a few days,
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250. I could've bought that car
from you wholesale.
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251. Yo. What up, j?
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252. Yo.
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253. I need
to ask you a favor.
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254. I need a car
with a back seat.
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255. James, I can't just
give you a car to take
off the lot, man.
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256. Who said anything
about leavin' the lot?
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257. This will do just fine.
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258. Get out.
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259. Get—get out!
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260. Come on, Ophelia.
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261. That's all right.
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262. I have a real friend
at the bus depot.
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263. Oh... Well,
this is impressive, man—
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264. 12 units
in your first week.
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265. You realize I have
people on my staff
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266. who don't sell
12 cars in a year?
Copy !req
267. Well, they
in the wrong business.
Copy !req
268. So you think I should
fire Harrison, do you?
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269. I—I didn't say that.
Copy !req
270. Well, you're wrong.
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271. Good.
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272. You should fire him.
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273. What, me?
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274. Yes. Only
because I think
Copy !req
275. you're excellent
management material.
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276. Here. Sit down.
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277. Put your feet up.
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278. There. Good.
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279. See? Looks good on you.
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280. Yeah. Feels nice
on my butt, too.
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281. Imported cigar.
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282. Eh, if that's
all you got.
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283. Bite the end off.
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284. You know...
I'm not too sure
Copy !req
285. about this firin' thing,
man.
Copy !req
286. Harrison's been sliding
downhill for years.
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287. His sales record
is embarrassing,
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288. especially when compared
to a mover like you.
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289. Go ahead, put him
out of his misery.
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290. It's the only
humane thing to do.
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291. This chair is made
out of leather, isn't it?
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292. All right. All right.
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293. Uh, say, Harrison,
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294. Sure. I'm just doin'
some paperwork.
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295. I can barely
tear myself away
from this desk.
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296. Maybe you can
take it with you.
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297. Look, Harrison...
Copy !req
298. Don't get me wrong.
Copy !req
299. Did you know
I have 6 kids?
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300. No, I didn't know that.
Copy !req
301. you know what?
I bet you would love
to spend
Copy !req
302. some more time
with them, wouldn't you?
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303. Sure,
Copy !req
304. especially
since Mary died.
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305. I'll be right back.
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306. Sure.
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307. Yo, man. Did you know
Harrison has 6 kids
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308. and a dead wife?
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309. 'Course I know.
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310. He's my brother.
Copy !req
311. See, now,
that's cold, man.
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312. No, will.
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313. That's business.
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314. When you're the manager,
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315. you make
the tough decisions.
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316. I don't know, man.
Copy !req
317. Firin' people
ain't fun.
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318. It's an acquired taste.
You'll learn.
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319. I have faith in you.
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320. I don't—
I don't know, man.
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321. That's it,
you're outta here,
the three of you!
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322. Don't be eyeballin' me,
neither.
Copy !req
323. Get on! Come on!
Copy !req
324. Get on.
Copy !req
325. And wash those shirts.
Copy !req
326. Especially you.
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327. Well, that's
3 less mechanics
you got to worry about.
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328. Great. Tomorrow we hit
the parts department.
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329. Yes, sir.
Come on,
I'll buy you a steak.
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330. All right.
Copy !req
331. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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332. Come on, man,
you missed a spot.
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333. You're fired!
Copy !req
334. Fired!
Copy !req
335. Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Copy !req
336. Now, look, the bottom line
is he wasn't producing.
Copy !req
337. Now, in this business,
Copy !req
338. you either cut it
or you don't,
Copy !req
339. and he didn't.
Copy !req
340. So y'all can take your
bellyaching elsewhere
Copy !req
341. 'cause it's fallin'
on deaf ears.
Copy !req
342. Get on outta here
before I have to
take my belt off.
Copy !req
343. Ow!
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344. Yo!
Copy !req
345. Oh, that's funny?
Copy !req
346. Y'all think
that's funny?
Copy !req
347. What were my nieces
and nephews doing here?
Copy !req
348. Yeah, they come in to plead
your brother Harrison's job.
Copy !req
349. I—I guess none of them
good salesmen, neither,
huh?
Copy !req
350. You're beginning
to scare me.
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351. Can I adopt you?
Copy !req
352. Hey, Pete,
Copy !req
353. do you remember
November 6, 1987?
Copy !req
354. How can I forget?
Copy !req
355. That's the day I set
the sales record
Copy !req
356. for the entire Southern
California area.
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357. I sold 11 cars.
Copy !req
358. Well, 10. One of 'em had
an explodin' gas tank.
Copy !req
359. Far as I'm concerned,
Copy !req
360. once they leave
the showroom,
Copy !req
361. it's a sale.
Copy !req
362. Well, that don't matter
Copy !req
363. 'cause today
I'm gonna sell 15.
Copy !req
364. Nobody can sell
15 cars.
Copy !req
365. Will Smith
can sell 15 cars.
Copy !req
366. Oh, yeah?
Why don't you
try your hand
Copy !req
367. at that angry sister
that just came in.
Copy !req
368. Yo, man!
Copy !req
369. That's my mom.
Copy !req
370. So what?
A sale's a sale.
Copy !req
371. Hey, hey!
Copy !req
372. Mom!
Copy !req
373. Boy, where
do you get off
Copy !req
374. dropping out of school?
Copy !req
375. Mrs. Smith,
if I may interject—
Copy !req
376. who the hell
are you?
Copy !req
377. Mom, this is my boss.
Copy !req
378. This is—
this is Mr. Fletcher.
Oh.
Copy !req
379. So you're the snake
that lured my boy
Copy !req
380. from that fine institute
of higher learning!
Copy !req
381. Mrs. Smith,
your son has a bright
and productive future
Copy !req
382. here at
Mulholland motors.
Copy !req
383. You ever been
beat up by a woman?
Copy !req
384. Not without
having paid for it.
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385. Uh, will, I'll be
in my office
Copy !req
386. hiding under the desk
if you need me.
Copy !req
387. Now, mom, listen,
Copy !req
388. for the first time
in my life,
Copy !req
389. I've found somethin'
that I'm good at
Copy !req
390. and that I enjoy.
It feels good, mom.
Copy !req
391. Oh, yeah?
Does this feel good?
Ow!
Copy !req
392. Which way
is that college?
Mom!
Copy !req
393. Mom!
Let's go.
Copy !req
394. Ow! This doesn't
feel good, mom!
Copy !req
395. My commission!
Copy !req
396. This fat-free cake
isn't bad.
Copy !req
397. Sir, that's a sponge.
Copy !req
398. Well, I guess I'll start
my homework now!
Copy !req
399. You know, I got a lot
of studyin' to do
Copy !req
400. if I expect
to make the best
Copy !req
401. of this wonderful
opportunity
Copy !req
402. to get my college
education!
Copy !req
403. Will. Your mother's
not here.
Copy !req
404. She went out to dinner
with your aunt viv.
Copy !req
405. Well, she better had.
Copy !req
406. Will, I'm, uh...
Copy !req
407. I'm sorry we had
to involve her in this,
Copy !req
408. but you left us
no choice.
Copy !req
409. How in the world
did she get the college
to readmit you?
Copy !req
410. She threatened
to enroll herself.
Copy !req
411. Well, we're all glad you
finally came to your senses.
Copy !req
412. I mean, you have plenty of time
to figure out what you want
to do with your life.
Copy !req
413. And bein' a car salesman
didn't exactly bring out
Copy !req
414. your most endearing
qualities.
Copy !req
415. Uncle Phil, I was
gettin' paid, man.
Copy !req
416. should provide you
with a sense of pride
and personal fulfillment.
Copy !req
417. It—it should tap
into that part of you
Copy !req
418. that has something valuable
to give to the world.
Copy !req
419. It shouldn't be
just about money.
Copy !req
420. You really believe that,
Uncle Phil?
Copy !req
421. Yes, son, I do.
Copy !req
422. Then how you explain
being a lawyer?
Copy !req
423. I'm going to get
another piece of sponge.
Copy !req
424. Captioning made possible by
Warner bros.
Copy !req
425. How in the world
did she get the college
to readmit you?
Copy !req
426. She threatened
to enroll herself.
Copy !req
427. well, we're all glad
you came to your senses.
Copy !req
428. You know,
you have plenty of time
to figure out
Copy !req
429. what you want to do
with your life.
Copy !req
430. And bein' a car salesman
didn't exactly, uh,
Copy !req
431. promote your, uh...
Copy !req
432. Excuse me.
Copy !req
433. There's people
from the lord.
Copy !req
434. There's people
of the lord
in the audience.
Copy !req
435. Well, it ain't like they
ain't never used that word.
Copy !req
436. We sorry.
Copy !req
437. See—see, James—
James Avery...
Copy !req
438. See, he's a heathen.
Copy !req
439. He's just a heathen.
Copy !req
440. Amen.
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441. He's a blasphemer.
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442. Here we go.
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