1. I'm in.
I call.
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2. Oh, it's so pretty.
It's just so pretty.
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3. If I had two sets
of lips, I'd kiss myself
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4. boom! Triple aces!
Ha ha ha!
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5. Ah! Ha ha ha!
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6. Ah! Ha ha ha!
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7. Well, it's 9:30.
Time to turn in.
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8. The peacock's catering
a big party tomorrow night
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9. after Michelle Michaels'
concert.
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10. Oh, and I suggest you get
some shuteye, too, mister.
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11. We'll be melon balling
at 0600.
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12. I can't believe you guys
are gonna be hanging out
with Michelle Michaels, man.
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13. She is a goddess.
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14. Please.
She put her bra on
one cup at a time,
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15. just like
everybody else.
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16. I'd pay big money
to see that.
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17. Hey, save your dough
for Friday night, all right?
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18. Uh, what's Friday night?
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19. Some people
comin' over.
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20. We're gonna
watch the fight
on pay-per-view.
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21. Look, will, I have
better things to do
with my Friday nights
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22. than sit around watching some
stupid boxing match on TV.
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23. Well, you overlooked
one small fact, Carlton.
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24. What's that?
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25. You weren't invited.
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26. captioning made
possible by Warner bros.
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27. Whoa! Whoa!
Now, hold on!
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28. Now don't think of this
just as a backstage pass.
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29. Think of it more
as a merit badge.
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30. Now, what you gonna do
to earn it?
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31. I ain't giving it away,
you know what I'm saying?
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32. Whatcha gonna do?
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33. Will, we have
a crisis situation.
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34. The glasses
have spots on them.
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35. My God, why didn't you
come to me sooner?
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36. Hey!
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37. Relax, squeaky.
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38. It's just
a dumb old party.
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39. You don't look
at the big picture,
do you?
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40. Today,
Michelle Michaels.
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41. Tomorrow,
Gloria estefan.
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42. And then—
dare I dream—
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43. Michael Bolton!
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44. Ian, you know, I didn't
feel like anything
clicking tonight.
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45. Are you sure
the new songs working?
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46. Three words, babe.
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47. Fab-u-lous!
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48. Am I right?
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49. Look at that.
Everybody jumpin'.
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50. People act so stupid when
celebrities get around.
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51. I need a reality check.
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52. You... Waiter.
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53. Come here.
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54. Me?
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55. Yeah, you.
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56. Miss Michaels
wants to see me!
Ha ha ha!
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57. Have you heard
my new record?
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58. Why, sure, baby.
Who hasn't?
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59. It's magic,
ain't it?
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60. Please!
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61. Do you like it?
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62. You got some beats.
You do got some beats.
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63. And you mixed some lyrics
with your beats...
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64. And you blended 'em—
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65. be honest.
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66. I think it stinks.
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67. I apologize,
miss Michaels.
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68. He's from
a foreign land.
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69. Uh, back to work,
Vladimir!
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70. Carlton banks here.
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71. I balled your melons.
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72. Get out of here!
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73. Is there anything
you do like
about my record?
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74. Oh, yeah. That cover
is slammin', you know?
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75. How long it take you
to get all that honey
off you, girl?
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76. You was all sticky
and everythin'.
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77. I'm—I'm sorry.
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78. I'm just
actin' stupid.
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79. I'm just trippin'.
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80. that I'm actually talkin'
to Michelle Michaels.
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81. And I can't believe I'm
actually talking to...
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82. Who are you?
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83. Oh... Will Smith,
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84. of the Philadelphia smiths.
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85. So, honest, will,
did you like the show?
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86. I been back here
the whole time.
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87. I really couldn't
hear anything.
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88. All I heard was,
"sing that song, girl!
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89. Ho!"
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90. I really didn't have it
going on,
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91. but next time
I'm going to kick it.
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92. And maybe
you could be there.
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93. I'm with you.
That's a good idea.
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94. Ahem.
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95. Ahem.
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96. A-hem!
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97. Um... I need
to get back to work.
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98. So I'll see you later?
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99. Yeah.
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100. All right.
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101. You know, miss Michaels,
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102. I thought
your album stunk, too.
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103. She only wanted
to know my opinion.
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104. Will, I cannot believe
Michelle Michaels
actually spoke to you.
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105. Hey,
I checked her coat.
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106. Really?
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107. I wonder
who'll play you
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108. in the movie
of her life.
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109. Maybe I'll get you
Michelle Michaels'
new cd for your birthday.
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110. Oh, my goodness,
that's right!
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111. I do
have a birthday
comin' up!
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112. You know, it just
totally slipped my mind.
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113. Now listen,
nothing too fancy.
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114. Something in a hatchback
will do just fine.
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115. Will you are impossible
to surprise,
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116. so this year we're
not doing anything special.
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117. Birthday reservations
at Wolfgang puck's
new restaurant.
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118. Oops!
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119. Hilary!
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120. That's all right.
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121. You can still surprise me
with that red sweater
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122. you hidin'
in the upstairs closet.
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123. Mmm. Wolfgang puck, huh?
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124. You were great!
He fell for it.
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125. Yeah. He'll never suspect
we're giving him
a surprise party.
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126. We're giving him
a surprise party?
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127. I am proud to announce
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128. miss Michelle Michaels!
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129. Are you stalking me?
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130. No, I just wanted
to see you again.
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131. It was so nice
to talk to somebody
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132. other than
a hysterical fan.
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133. Oh, my God,
Michelle Michaels!
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134. Your album is so good!
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135. Who is Omar?
Is he your boyfriend?
He is so fine!
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136. Ashley, please!
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137. Hilary banks.
TV weathergirl.
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138. She doesn't know how
to talk to celebrities.
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139. So... Mich...
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140. How about a song?
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141. I'm Philip banks.
This is my wife Vivian.
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142. We're not hip,
so we don't know your music.
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143. It's nice to meet you
anyway, though.
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144. Now let's give will
and miss Michaels
some privacy.
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145. It was nice meeting you,
Michelle.
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146. It's good to see you
again, Michelle.
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147. don't think of me
as just a manservant.
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148. Think of me
as a... Pleasure dome.
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149. Oh.
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150. Thank you, g.
Thank you very much.
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151. Well...
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152. That was embarrassing.
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153. No, they're sweet.
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154. So, do you want to come
to my concert tonight?
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155. You can watch
from backstage.
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156. see, tonight is
dime-a-frame bowling night.
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157. The top scorer
gets those cute
little shoes,
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158. and I just couldn't
miss that.
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159. I'll send a limo for you
at 6:00.
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160. But then,
right after the concert,
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161. she took me to this
fine restaurant
called pinet.
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162. Chez pinet? Isn't that
up near San Francisco?
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163. Oh—ahem—
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164. did I forget
to tell y'all?
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165. She flew me up there
in her private jet?
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166. What?
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167. Michelle has
a private jet?
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168. Listen, she got
a private jet,
she has a yacht.
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169. Does she have a brother?
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170. I don't know.
I'll find out tonight.
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171. We're going to the golden
choice music awards.
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172. They got us sittin'
between ike and Tina.
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173. You know, just in case
something flares up.
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174. Hey, y'all don't
wait up.
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175. Hilary,
is the coast clear?
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176. No, there's going
to be patchy morning fog
with limited visibility.
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177. I meant...
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178. Is will gone?
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179. Yeah, he's gone.
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180. Let's talk about
this party.
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181. Hilary, you're
getting the deejay,
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182. why do I have to pay for a
caterer if I have a Butler?
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183. Philip complains...
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184. That only leaves
the cake.
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185. I ordered
a "Sonny the seal"
ice-cream cake.
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186. His sleek body's
made of chocolaty goodness,
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187. and he bounces a ball
of tutti-frutti sherbet
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188. on his buttercream nose!
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189. You are
way too into this.
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190. birthdays are no longer
a cause for celebration.
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191. Look, I'm giving up a hair
appointment with Sergei
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192. to hang out with will
and his loser friends.
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193. Will's friends
are not losers.
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194. Greetings, y'all.
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195. Jazz, to what do we owe
your presence?
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196. My guess would
be inbreeding.
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197. I've taken care
of the entertainment
for will's party.
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198. Jazz, I've already shelled
out for a deejay.
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199. Perfect. Now we'll have
music for my stripper.
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200. Oh, no, you're not bringing
a naked woman into my house.
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201. Oh, no, no, you don't
understand, Mrs. banks.
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202. She don't come in naked.
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203. Uh-oh.
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204. Aah!
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205. Where is will? He was
supposed to be here at 7:00.
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206. That's it, I'm leaving.
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207. Where are you going?
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208. Sergei keeps his
salon open 'til 9:00.
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209. I'm gonna see if he
can squeeze my head in.
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210. Mr. banks, can I borrow
50 more bucks
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211. for princess lila, otherwise,
she's gonna leave.
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212. Let her go.
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213. I've spent enough
money on this party.
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214. Here's $100. No telling
when will will come back.
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215. Well, he didn't leave a message
on the answering machine.
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216. Maybe that's
him now. Shh.
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217. Yeah? Will!
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218. You're an hour
and a half late.
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219. What do you mean,
you can't make it?
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220. Friends?
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221. What friends?
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222. whoo!
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223. Happy Birthday!
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224. Happy Birthday.
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225. Happy Birthday,
will.
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226. Whoo! Yeah!
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227. Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha!
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228. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
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229. So, birthday boy,
you having fun?
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230. It's the best
birthday I ever had.
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231. I always wanted
to try skiing.
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232. You did great.
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233. Yeah, except
for that one run.
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234. I'm just glad
the St. Bernard
didn't have to suffer.
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235. Oh, hold on.
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236. I want to check this
out over here.
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237. What does
this button do?
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238. No, will!
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239. It's the moon roof.
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240. Oh, and that's funny?
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241. You think—o.K.
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242. No, no.
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243. What are you doing?
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244. Don't. Come down.
Come inside.
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245. It's freezing
out there, will.
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246. Come on up.
It's great.
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247. There's no way.
You're crazy.
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248. I said, come up here.
Uh-uh.
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249. Oh, you ain't lettin' me?
No.
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250. Well, take that
then, girl.
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251. All right.
That's it.
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252. What you going to do?
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253. Ha ha ha ha ha!
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254. Ha ha ha ha ha!
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255. Whoa!
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256. Ha ha ha!
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257. Oh, man!
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258. Oh, man!
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259. I'm frozen solid.
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260. Really?
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261. Ooh!
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262. Well, I was thinking...
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263. Maybe I could warm
you up a little bit.
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264. Whoa.
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265. Wait a minute.
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266. I'm sorry.
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267. I got caught up
in the moment. I—
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268. Oh, hell, yeah.
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269. Do you like that?
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270. Mm-hmm.
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271. Greetings
from Aspen!
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272. Ha ha ha ha!
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273. Whoo! Let me tell you,
what a night!
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274. You open up the hot tub
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275. and all the neighbors
come out.
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276. Now, I didn't even mind
Bruce and demi, you know?
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277. I really didn't mind
Arnold and Maria.
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278. But Frank and kathie Lee
came over
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279. with that little dude Cody?
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280. He was making bubbles
in the jacuzzi
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281. without the jets being on.
Know what I'm saying?
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282. You know?
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283. Nasty little dude.
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284. You have got a lot
of nerve, will.
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285. Right, big guy?
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286. Huh?
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287. Oh, yeah, right.
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288. Uh, will,
this Maria shriver...
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289. Full-figured gal?
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290. Philip!
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291. Will...
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292. We were throwing you
a big surprise party.
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293. I'm sorry. I thought that
we was just gonna have dinner.
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294. A cleverly orchestrated
ruse, bub.
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295. And to think I laid out 50 big
ones on your damn cake!
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296. I got you that really, really
neat one in the commercials.
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297. Carlton, Carlton!
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298. All right. O.K.
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299. I said I'm sorry,
all right?
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300. I know somebody
that wants to hear
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301. about my snowball
fight with Denzel.
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302. Yo, hil!
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303. Will, no!
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304. Yo, hil!
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305. No! Don't go up!
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306. Ashley,
what's wrong with you?
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307. I don't think hilary
wants to see you right now.
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308. What did I do to her?
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309. You made her miss her hair
appointment with Sergei.
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310. She had to settle
for his assistant.
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311. So what?
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312. Damn!
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313. And—and I mean that
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314. in the nicest
possible way, hil.
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315. I look like a troll doll!
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316. Hilary, don't you think you're
overreacting just a tad?
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317. Sleep with one eye open!
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318. Look—look, come on, guys.
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319. Cut me some slack.
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320. Uncle Phil,
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321. if you had a choice
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322. between an ordinary—
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323. yet very thoughtful—
birthday party
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324. and hittin' the slopes
with a superstar,
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325. which one
would you choose?
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326. You mean, which superstar
would I choose? Well—
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327. Philip!
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328. Will, Michelle Michaels
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329. may not feel as serious
about this as you do.
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330. Does that look like
she's playing, aunt viv?
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331. She gave it
to me in Aspen.
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332. Where are you going?
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333. She's taking me to see
the fight in Vegas.
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334. What about the fight party
you excluded me from?
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335. You got the guys coming over
to watch it on TV.
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336. I'm glad you reminded
me, carlton.
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337. Make sure they don't
let you in, o.K.?
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338. And there's
the end of round 1.
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339. This is better than
watching the fights
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340. with my Uncle Phil.
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341. I'm glad you're
enjoying yourself.
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342. How could I not
be enjoying myself?
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343. I got Vegas, you, me.
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344. A black dude
and a white dude
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345. beatin' the heck
out of each other—
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346. life is good.
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347. Oh, let me grab
a little somethin' here.
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348. Hey, Michelle,
ever since the barbecue
with Wesley snipes,
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349. I've been wantin'
to say somethin' to you.
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350. I haven't found a way
to say it quite yet,
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351. but this thing
we got goin' on?
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352. I just feel real good
about it,
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353. and I just—
hey! Hey! Hey!
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354. Oh, who is this?
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355. We shot a swimsuit
video in Tahiti.
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356. This is will Smith.
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357. Guy.
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358. You're even more alluring
with your clothes on.
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359. Isn't he the funniest
male model you ever met?
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360. Oh, wait a minute.
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361. Now I recognize this dude.
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362. I take it you've seen
my calendar, huh?
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363. Yeah. You were
the April fool, right?
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364. Look, um...
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365. Guy, listen...
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366. Michelle is a one-man
woman now, all right?
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367. You might be able to tell by
this little ring she gave me.
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368. Reminds me of this
one right here.
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369. So... Are we
all friends now?
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370. Yeah. We found out
we had a lot in common.
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371. Look, uh,
black fabio, listen...
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372. Why don't you and your
motown revival haircut
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373. go back to your seat...
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374. Um...
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375. Shave your chest,
shut up,
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376. and just watch the fight?
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377. Will...
What?
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378. You squarin' off
on me, fool?
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379. What you wanna do?
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380. Who's squarin' off, man?
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381. What you wanna do?
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382. He'll be in the hospital
for weeks now.
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383. How I know he was gonna
fall on Sinatra?
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384. Well, I think
you overreacted.
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385. when some dude puttin'
his hands all over my woman?
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386. Besides,
he deserved it.
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387. He stole
one of your rings.
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388. Will, I gave
him that ring.
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389. You did?
Yeah, I did.
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390. I give out
a lot of rings.
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391. I'm saying,
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392. this one you gave me
is the last one, right?
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393. I just gave one
to the paramedic.
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394. I was wonderin' why
he was taking your pulse.
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395. Will...
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396. You're so adorable.
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397. But I think we need
to take some time off.
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398. Yeah, cool, you're right.
I'll go play some slots.
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399. I'll be back in an hour.
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400. Will...
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401. Sit.
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402. It's been fun.
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403. Excuse me, "been?"
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404. I'm no good
with relationships.
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405. Don't you listen
to my songs?
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406. Well, yeah, I do.
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407. O.K., all right.
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408. There's untouchable,
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409. there's
never gonna settle,
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410. there's, um, uh,
wham-bam, goodbye...
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411. Ahem.
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412. Come on,
this isn't goodbye.
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413. You only say
goodbye to people
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414. you're never
going to see again.
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415. This is more like...
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416. "See you later."
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417. I'll see you
later, will.
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418. Goodbye, Michelle.
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419. Hey, mornin',
Uncle Phil.
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420. That was a hell
of a fight last night, will.
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421. Yeah. Champ ain't
no joke, right?
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422. I'm referring
to your bout.
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423. They showed that on TV?
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424. to when Sinatra
put his toupee back on.
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425. Well, there ain't
gonna be no rematch.
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426. When the dude get
out of hospital,
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427. he can have her.
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428. She dumped you, right?
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429. Man, you crazy!
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430. Yeah.
Copy !req
431. Well, it was a nice ride
while it lasted, huh?
Copy !req
432. You know what,
Uncle Phil?
Copy !req
433. I—I think
I loved her.
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434. Oh...
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435. Bull!
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436. You hardly even knew her.
Copy !req
437. No, Uncle Phil,
I knew her—
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438. you know
what I'm sayin'?
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439. I kneher.
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440. You might have known
her intimately,
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441. but you didn't know her well.
Copy !req
442. Face it. It was the lifestyle
you were in love with.
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443. Well, doggone.
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444. You tryin' to say
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445. that the only
reason I loved her
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446. was because she was rich
and let me sponge off of her?
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447. Uh-huh.
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448. Then I love you, too,
Uncle Phil.
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449. Oh.
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450. Captioning made
possible by Warner bros.
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451. I don't believe
you guys did this!
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452. Well, we'd make it.
We waited an hour and a half.
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453. What's a couple more days?
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454. We saved Sonny
the seal for you.
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455. Really? Where?
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456. Ha ha ha ha!
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