The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 4x16

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Jeff Doucette as Coach Kelly • Jack Tate as Mitchell • DJ Jazzy Jeff as Jazz • Rana Kirkland as Amanda Holloway • Zak Knutson as Football Player #2

Bird is the word when Carlton, ULA's peacock mascot, is kidnapped by a rival school before the big game.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. ♪ peacocks

2. see, that's exactly why people be pushing you down the steps.

3. For your information,

4. I've done the peacock strut

5. exactly nine minutes before each game,

6. and we've won every time.

7. If we beat scu tomorrow,

8. ula will be the division champs,

9. like you care.

10. See, that's where you're wrong, my little pet peeve.

11. I hope ula whups their butts tomorrow.

12. So, the fighting peacock within you has finally emerged.

13. Oh, yes, sir.

14. He came out to bet $500 on the game.

15. How you disappoint me.

16. Well, time to open.

17. Let's put on our helpful faces.

18. My God!

19. Who would do such a thing?

20. I guess we could rule out notre dame.

21. thanks, birdman. You're the best mascot this school ever had.

22. Thank you.

23. Hey, Carlton, what was coach Kelly talking to you about?

24. He likes to consult with me

25. before making important game decisions.

26. What's it going to be—

27. regular or grape-flavored gatorade?

28. I'm an important part of this team.

29. The guys won't leave the locker room

30. before they rub me for luck.

31. You sure they're not rubbing you for fun?

32. Rub this, will.

33. Yo, jazz! What's up, man?

34. What's up, man?

35. Did your bookie take my bet?

36. You're down. 5 cs on ula.

37. Ah—ksssh!

38. Who else could have found out

39. the mustangs starting quarterback has the flu?

40. It pays to have friends at the urology lab.

41. That served them scu punks right,

42. messing up the peacock.

43. I'll be cleaning this place up all day.

44. You're getting soft.

45. The will Smith I know wouldn't get mad,

46. he'd get even.

47. You know what, jazz?

48. Tonight, you and I will acquire a vehicle,

49. and we're going to acquire the scu statue.

50. Swipe Mikey the mustang?

51. Why would I steal something I can't sell?

52. Well, the jazz I know

53. didn't need a reason to do something stupid.

54. You're right, will. What was I thinking?

55. Here's what we'll do.

56. Daddy?

57. Daddy?

58. There's a man under my bed,

59. and I didn't tell him to hide there.

60. He's from the security company.

61. I'm upgrading our alarm system.

62. There was a robbery in our neighborhood.

63. Someone cleaned out the east wing of the spelling mansion.

64. Eww! How are they going to fence all that crushed velvet?

65. Here they are, family, three tickets to the big game.

66. See what happens when your son's the mascot?

67. They're on the 50-yard line.

68. Won't we be in the way?

69. Now, if you'll excuse me,

70. I have to check my head for molt.

71. You know, will,

72. it wouldn't hurt if you did something for your school.

73. I know, and I am, Uncle Phil.

74. Tonight, I'm stealing the scu statue.

75. Don't even joke about something like that.

76. I was just kidding, Uncle Phil.

77. Hey, can I borrow the station wagon?

78. I got me kind of a big date-

79. Oh, yeah.

80. Here you are, son.

81. Thank you. Thank you.

82. You know, will, illegal transportation of a school statue

83. is a felony.

84. Yes, sir. Thank you.

85. All right, here's the situation.

86. Unless you fortify your security system,

87. my guess, within six months, you'll all be dead.

88. That's a little extreme, isn't it?

89. Extreme? Let me tell you about the things I've seen—

90. homes overrun by thugs and gangs,

91. priceless possessions lost forever to ruthless looters,

92. mangled bodies of innocent people

93. slaughtered like lambs.

94. God! Where was this?

95. Mortal combat by sega.

96. All right, what do you recommend?

97. This little baby right here.

98. Oh, come on. This is a bit much, isn't it?

99. I mean, Russia has fallen.

100. Fine, if you don't care about the safety

101. of your lovely young daughters.

102. All right, all right, all right.

103. We'll take the ultimate security package.

104. Move in.

105. Hey, check it out.

106. So we had our Mikey,

107. the mustang wrapped up in blankets

108. in the back of the Volvo right.

109. So we about to jet off campus all of a sudden.

110. Whooo.

111. We knew we was busted.

112. Man, I saw my whole record flash before my eyes.

113. I had to think fast right.

114. So I put on these real sincere face

115. before I knew it, I had this cop convinced

116. I was Sidney poitier's son.

117. Who is the man? Who is the man?

118. It's me! Now, go on. Get on fools.

119. I got to go get me a new jacket.

120. If you need me, I'll be in the lost and found.

121. Hey, what's that bucking mustang doing here?

122. Well, just a little payback to them scu fools

123. for that stunt they pulled yesterday.

124. And you said I didn't have no school spirit.

125. You must return it!

126. Carlton, we're just having a little fun.

127. I know how much you hate that.

128. Don't you understand?

129. Scu is going to retaliate.

130. You've practically given them an invitation to abscond with percival.

131. Who?

132. Hello?

133. Percival, our beloved peacock.

134. I'm holding you personally responsible for its safety.

135. Don't take your eyes off of him.

136. Oh, but, Carlton, no.

137. That means I'll miss the big pep rally.

138. Well, I'm sorry, will.

139. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

140. I have 4,000 fans waiting for me in the quad.

141. Hand me my head.

142. I'd love to.

143. It's showtime!

144. Come on, girls. Carlton's rally starts in 45 minutes.

145. I'm sorry I overslept. It took forever to get to sleep.

146. That guard dog was barking all night.

147. Can't he be like other dogs

148. and quietly lick himself?

149. I got this system so that we'd all feel safe.

150. Now, I just press in our code, and we're off.

151. 50 seconds to activation.

152. Please exit the premises.

153. Maybe he wants a bone.

154. Yeah, one of ours.

155. What is the release command? It's something German.

156. Um... Strudel...

157. Uh, schnitzel.

158. Mercedes!

159. Let's try the front door.

160. Good idea.

161. 20 seconds to activation.

162. Please exit the premises.

163. He's a quick little sucker, isn't he?

164. Maybe you should shut off the alarm.

165. Good idea.

166. 10 seconds to activation.

167. Switching to final countdown.

168. 10...

169. 9...

170. 8...

171. Here it is. 508.

172. 5...

173. 4...

174. 3, 2,

175. 1.

176. Activating security system.

177. Uh-oh.

178. Daddy...

179. I'll call the security company.

180. Stand still.

181. Be still.

182. It's o.K.

183. It's o.K.

184. Just let me call—

185. ooh!

186. Intruder!

187. Stay where you are.

188. There is no escape.

189. Well, at least we're safe.

190. Five seconds to automated armed response.

191. What happened to Carlton?

192. I think aunt Helen dropped him on his head

193. when he was a baby.

194. No. I mean he's late for the rally.

195. He's usually early to help me with the team seating chart.

196. He left here an hour ago.

197. Well, he never showed.

198. I got a feeling something happened to him.

199. Carlton wouldn't miss that game

200. for all the cheese in Philly.

201. He'll be there, or my name ain't...

202. Will!

203. Is this the end of our plucky mascot?

204. Does this spell doom

205. for the fighting peacock football team?

206. Stay tuned.

207. Same fresh prince time, same fresh prince channel.

208. It could be worse.

209. He could have been dipped

210. in 11 herbs and spices.

211. 90 minutes before gametime.

212. Any sign of Carlton?

213. Well, actually, there is a sign.

214. That's it. Game over. We're dead.

215. He's not exactly Vince lombardi.

216. Is this how my career's going to end?

217. Well, at least I still have my health.

218. What's that lumpy thing on the back of your neck?

219. Listen, coach. Coach, listen.

220. You're sweating it over nothing.

221. The game is a lock.

222. The scu starting quarterback

223. came down with the Canadian flu.

224. Canadian flu?

225. What the hell's that?

226. I guess it's just like the American flu, just colder.

227. Hogwash!

228. Every year scu puts out some bogus rumor

229. about one of its star players.

230. Mess up our game plan.

231. Last year their kicker had rickets.

232. Jazz, you fed me a bad tip, man.

233. I might owe your bookie $500 that I don't have.

234. Tony the shovel ain't going to like that.

235. Just ask flat nose Gary.

236. The birdman is our lucky charm.

237. Without him,

238. our players won't think they can win.

239. If they don't have it here,

240. they won't have it here.

241. And if they don't have it here,

242. you going to get it there.

243. Give me this.

244. Jazz. Jazz, come here. Come here.

245. I know where this is—

246. the rumpus room of the kappa omega psi sorority.

247. How you know that?

248. I got me some rumpus in that room the other night.

249. Hey, come on. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

250. I can't go there with you.

251. Why not?

252. Restraining order. It's a long story.

253. Thanks, but I think we'll just stick with our old system.

254. You're making a big mistake.

255. We've got everything, except for the dog.

256. He seems to have chewed through the fence.

257. Isn't he dangerous?

258. Only if he hasn't eaten.

259. Maybe we should have given the new system

260. a little more time.

261. The world's dangerous. We should take precautions,

262. but turning our home into a bunker isn't the answer.

263. Right. Let's just get guns.

264. You're missing the whole point, sweetheart.

265. We're lucky enough to live in an area

266. where we don't have to be obsessed with safety.

267. Let's not miss Carlton's big game.

268. Come on, let's go.

269. My God!

270. Somebody stole my Mercedes!

271. Aah! Aah!

272. You're way too nice to be locked up in a cage.

273. Does that mean you'll let me out?

274. No.

275. But you're awfully cute when you grasp at false hope.

276. Look, I know you might find this hard to believe,

277. but in high school, I was sort of a... A...

278. Dweeb?

279. Well, I was going to say loner, but that, too.

280. Now for the first time, I'm actually part of a team.

281. Don't do this to me.

282. That was so moving.

283. I'm late for the game. Bye.

284. Amanda!

285. Never mind.

286. I'm so glad you're here.

287. Shut up!

288. Oh, yeah. I knew you'd make it.

289. Shut up!

290. Come on.

291. Oh, damn!

292. Will, I'm desperate. Take off your pants.

293. I think you've taken this jail thing

294. just a little too far, buddy.

295. It's almost gametime. You'll have to go in my place.

296. If you think I'm putting on that suit, you're out of your mind.

297. If you don't, you're out 500 bucks.

298. Unzip me, please.

299. Gets a little funky in there, too.

300. Men, I know this is the first time

301. we've been behind at the half.

302. But all we need is four quick touchdowns!

303. He's here!

304. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

305. It looks bad, Carlton,

306. but now that you're here, we got a chance.

307. Do the peacock strut.

308. On your feet, boys.

309. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

310. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

311. What the hell are you doing?

312. That's not the peacock strut.

313. This is the peacock strut.

314. wh-wh-what, they rough you up or something?

315. Why, those animals!

316. At least you're here. That's all that counts.

317. Gather around, boys. It's time to rub the birdman!

318. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

319. You ain't rubbing nothin' over here!

320. Hey, hey. Get—

321. you! Where's Carlton?

322. We tried to break him out,

323. but it wasn't happening.

324. Ohh... Oh, man...

325. We're toast.

326. I cannot believe what I'm seeing.

327. Boo-hoo! Our mascot ain't here!

328. You big bunch of babies!

329. What about your fans?

330. They got a lot riding on this game!

331. Their hopes...

332. Th-their dreams...

333. Their nose.

334. Hey, listen. I'm going to tell y'all

335. one time and one time only.

336. Mascots do not win football games!

337. Players do!

338. And coaches.

339. And you know what?

340. You gentlemen got a choice.

341. You can give up and crawl away

342. like spineless, gutless losers!

343. Or you can pull it together, throw it down,

344. pick it up, strap it on,

345. kick its butt, and go out as champions!

346. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

347. This is the biggest game you will ever play!

348. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

349. Some of you may make it to the pros,

350. but let's be honest.

351. For most of you, this is the end of the line!

352. Ye— ye— ye—

353. no more big games.

354. No more free rides.

355. Let's be honest, wen don't even know

356. if half you all gonna graduate.

357. Then what you gonna do? Coach.

358. That's right you guys.

359. Doesn't matter what we do.

360. We're loosers.

361. Here's an idea.

362. Rub me. Rub me.

363. Rub the bird.

364. How'd you get out, man?

365. I escaped while the housekeeper

366. was changing the newspaper.

367. Hey, fellas, I made it!

368. Yeah, man. Yeah, man.

369. What did you do to them?

370. That is not important.

371. The most important thing is you get out there

372. and strut like you never strat.

373. come on!

374. man, this victory party's weak.

375. That's because we lost, jazz.

376. And thanks to you, I have a date with Tony the shovel.

377. I hope you learned your lesson about gambling.

378. Ha ha.

379. O.K., jazz, check it out, check it out.

380. Because you're my homey,

381. I'm going to give you a five-minute head start

382. before I chase you down

383. and drop-kick your little coconut head.

384. Fair enough.

385. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

386. Cheer up, man. We only lost by one point.

387. That was a hell of a comeback.

388. You should be proud as a peacock.

389. We played a good game.

390. I'm just thinking about someone.

391. Amanda?

392. Yeah.

393. I'll probably never see her again.

394. I'll—I'll— I'll bet you $500 you'll see her again.

395. You're on, mister.

396. Carlton?

397. Ching-ching!

398. Amanda.

399. Does this mean what I think it means?

400. Yes, Carlton.

401. I've come to gloat.

402. Ha! We won!

403. Ha ha ha ha!

404. Well, bye.

405. Wait a minute. That's it?

406. I thought we had something special.

407. Dear Carlton, it would never work between us.

408. You're a peacock. I'm a mustang.

409. Can you imagine what our children would be like?

410. What, powerful hind legs with a colorful tail?

411. Then I guess this is goodbye.

412. Just until we graduate.

413. I'll wait for you.

414. And I'll cut back on dating.

415. Hey, hey, Carlton.

416. I know if two people like each other,

417. it shouldn't matter where they go to school,

418. but it does.

419. Alas, fate has conspired to keep us apart.

420. That's beautiful, man.

421. I just want my $500.

422. Ching-ching!