The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 4x11

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Phil Morris as Prof. Scott Burton • Tyra Banks as Jackie Ames • Rachel True as Rhetta • Leo Weltman as Pavoratti • Harriet Medin as Elderly Woman

On academic probation, Will schemes to improve his grades by fixing up a newly divorced English professor with Hilary, who soon finds fault with the man, further jeopardizing Will's academic future.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Will, academic probation is serious.

2. How could you let this happen?

3. It's Professor Burton's fault.

4. He used to be an easy grader

5. till him and his wife got a divorce.

6. And he became impossible.

7. The last test he gave I got a 4,

8. and I cheated.

9. Oh, this is horrible.

10. Hey, hey, Professor Burton,

11. hope that ain't

12. my essay you're reading.

13. Hey, will.

14. I haven't gotten to yours yet.

15. I'll finish them tonight,

16. right after I move the last of my things

17. out of our— her garage.

18. Look, have mercy on me, man.

19. You know I'm on academic probation.

20. Will, I like you, but I have to be objective.

21. When I'm here at the university,

22. I can't afford to let my personal feelings

23. influence my professional behavior.

24. Guess I won't be needing that anymore.

25. Uh, hey, look, man, I usually keep this

26. on a need-to-know basis,

27. but you look like

28. you really need to know.

29. Behold. My chicktionary.

30. A little black book, huh?

31. Oh, yessir.

32. Well, what are these letters

33. next to the girls' names?

34. Oh, those are grades.

35. There's a lot of fs.

36. That ain't necessarily a bad thing, you know?

37. Yeah.

38. What's the "b" mean?

39. Be prepared for a possible "f."

40. captioning made possible by Warner bros.

41. Hi, will.

42. Oh, hey, look, I'll be right back.

43. Oh, and ggwab

44. means good God, what a Booty.

45. Hil, what are you doing here?

46. I need to switch cars.

47. Oh, that's cool. What's wrong with your car?

48. I'm going shoe shopping.

49. I need the wagon. Bye.

50. Who was that?

51. Hilary? Oh, that's my cousin.

52. Is she involved with anyone?

53. Mostly just herself.

54. Oh, you know,

55. she was just telling me today

56. could really use a man in her life,

57. and, well—you a man.

58. Hey, look, check it out.

59. Why don't you come over to our house tonight?

60. All right? And I'll introduce y'all.

61. Will, I really appreciate this.

62. A woman like her could really lift my spirits.

63. Maybe she can do the same for my grade.

64. Hey, everybody,

65. I just bought Nicky a brand-new crib.

66. Oh, the crib chalet has over 100 features,

67. including automatic guardrail extension,

68. infrared climb-out sensors,

69. and a built-in busybox.

70. Some assembly required.

71. Oh, no.

72. Carlton, my boy,

73. go put on your work clothes.

74. Help me.

75. I'm not going to miss a minute of this.

76. Philip, I know what's going to happen.

77. Carlton's going to start in on your nerves.

78. And you're gonna end up at his throat.

79. Nonsense. This is a perfect time

80. for a father and son to spend quality time together.

81. Geoffrey, go fetch my tools.

82. You mean your knife and fork?

83. Hey, hil, you got a second?

84. Sure.

85. "Sweet savage lust."

86. One of the classics, huh?

87. It's about this rich, beautiful girl

88. who loses her lover in a terrible accident

89. and spends her nights alone, mourning his death.

90. Ha ha! Where do they get these stories?

91. Hey, look, hil, you know,

92. Trevor's been gone for months now.

93. D-don't you miss dating?

94. Yeah. At first

95. I felt guilty for wanting to,

96. but I think if Trevor were still alive,

97. he'd want me to see other guys.

98. Exactly.

99. Um, wait right here.

100. What are you doing?

101. Hilary banks, Scott Burton.

102. When a man is in love,

103. he endures more than at other times.

104. He submits to everything.

105. Whoo-hoo-hoo!

106. Don't make me have to turn the hose

107. on y'all, dude.

108. Will.

109. Yeah.

110. What's going on here?

111. Well, hil, I figured

112. you might have something in common.

113. I was saying, he's a English Professor

114. and—and—and you speak some English.

115. Look, Steve—

116. Scott. Whatever.

117. I'm really sorry, but—

118. no, I'm sorry.

119. I was just so struck

120. by your beauty today,

121. I had to meet you.

122. I'm terrible at this kind of thing.

123. Oh, you're not terrible.

124. Shields are down, Scotty.

125. Fire!

126. I know this is last minute,

127. but an artist friend gave me tickets

128. to a gallery opening in venice.

129. That's very nice, Scott, but don't you think Italy

130. is more of a second date kind of thing?

131. No, no.

132. I mean venice beach.

133. Well, it sounds like fun.

134. Do I have time to change?

135. Well, if you like,

136. but true loveliness

137. needs not the foreign aid

138. of ornament.

139. Well, duh.

140. Uh, hold up, man.

141. There's no tag on this.

142. I need a price check

143. on a peacock athletic supporter,

144. size small.

145. Never mind.

146. Will, I had the best time with hilary.

147. Cannot wait to see her again.

148. Oh, and by the way, I graded your essay this morning.

149. The whole class did rather well,

150. but you, my friend, got a b-plus.

151. Yes! I got a b-plus.

152. I'm will. Call me.

153. I also spoke with your counselor,

154. and he's agreed

155. to take you off academic probation

156. provided you do well on my midterm Friday.

157. Thanks a lot, man.

158. But a big midterm on Friday means

159. you're gonna have to spend all weekend

160. grading papers.

161. I'll, uh, make the test one question, open-book.

162. Welcome to the family, man.

163. Whoo!

164. All right.

165. Hey, you know what?

166. Allow me.

167. Will, you should be

168. ashamed of yourself.

169. Hey, Jackie, I can explain.

170. Explain what?

171. How you're using your cousin

172. just to get yourself a good grade?

173. Hey, look, Jackie, it ain't like that.

174. I know you, will,

175. but I still burn with desire for you, baby.

176. Yo, Jackie,

177. I'm just looking out

178. for number one. You know what I'm saying?

179. You know. You know.

180. I don't know

181. who you been talking to, rhetta,

182. but, no, I don't be giving

183. my dates grades.

184. That's all I'm saying, so are we

185. going to kick it tomorrow night,

186. or what?

187. I don't know, do a little shum shum.

188. You know, who knows? You with that?

189. I'll see you tomorrow night then.

190. Hah. Ahh.

191. Rhetta. "B."

192. Ahh.

193. I heard somebody made a love connection.

194. So tell me about your date.

195. I have to admit it, will. You were right.

196. I had fun last night.

197. Well, trust me. You got dude flipping.

198. I like him, too.

199. Hey, look, as long

200. as you're going out with Professor Burton,

201. Oh, well, then that sort of presents a little problem.

202. Why? What's up?

203. 'Cause I am never going to see him again.

204. Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Wait. What do—what do you—

205. what do you mean,

206. you're never going to see him again?

207. You were just saying— saying how dope he was.

208. He has a mole.

209. Wait. Hilary, wait a minute.

210. Listen, I sit in class with this man

211. all day every day.

212. And I ain't never seen no mole.

213. Well, I hardly noticed it, too,

214. but as the night went on, it got bigger and bigger

215. until it was all I could see.

216. Oh! It was disgusting.

217. Hey, hilary, wait a minute you can't just dump this guy

218. because of a tiny physical imperfection.

219. I mean, you ain't perfect yourself, girl.

220. Oh, stop.

221. Imperfections are what make people special.

222. Like, back in Philly, a big butt on a sister

223. was considered a thing of beauty.

224. You know, the more back baby got, the better.

225. I mean, up to a point.

226. Then it's just nasty,

227. but come on, hil,

228. you got to give this guy another chance.

229. Telephone, miss hilary.

230. A Mr. Scott Burton.

231. Oh, the mole man. Tell him I moved.

232. Hilary!

233. Oh, all right.

234. Hello, spot.

235. I—I mean Scott.

236. Oh, yeah.

237. Yeah, I had a nice time, too.

238. Tomorrow night?

239. Yes. Yes.

240. Um, sure.

241. O.K. I'll see you then.

242. Well, I did it. I just hope

243. I don't get nauseous and faint.

244. Hey—hey, hil, you know what?

245. I got a date tomorrow night.

246. We could just double.

247. What that's going to do?

248. I don't know.

249. Maybe take your mind off it.

250. I'll work mole patrol.

251. Oh, thanks, will.

252. That's great. You're the best.

253. I'll call Scott and tell him.

254. Where are we going anyway?

255. The opera.

256. Dad, we started three days ago.

257. And there's no end in sight.

258. Let's just pay someone to finish the job.

259. Am I keeping you

260. from something more important?

261. As a matter of fact, yes. I've got midterms,

262. and eventually, I'd like to move out,

263. get a full-time job, and start a family.

264. And when you do, I will help you

265. build one of these for your child.

266. I'll be smart enough to pay someone to do it for me.

267. And just how are you going to do that

268. without a trust fund?

269. Game, set, match.

270. Now stop whining.

271. What's next?

272. "Locate the red lynch pin."

273. Oh, got it.

274. "But do not remove it."

275. Will, the lobster was superb.

276. Yeah. They gypped us, though.

277. They only gave us the tail.

278. Hilary, I got the feeling at dinner

279. that your attention was somewhere else.

280. Why would you think that?

281. This is our box.

282. What is the matter with you?

283. You're making a Mountain

284. out of a mole, hil.

285. The mole? I'm over that.

286. Well, then what's the problem?

287. Did you see how huge his Adam's apple is?

288. Eew!

289. I don't believe this.

290. Every time he chewed, it kept bouncing

291. up and down and up and down.

292. I mean, what's in there,

293. a basketball?

294. Shh!

295. I can't look at him anymore.

296. I have to get out of here.

297. Hil-hilary. Listen. That is not a mole

298. or an Adam's apple that you're seeing.

299. It's Trevor.

300. You're telling me that Trevor

301. was reincarnated in Scott's throat?

302. Hil, what I'm trying to say

303. is that you miss Trevor so much,

304. something inside of you won't let go of him.

305. If you walk out on Scott now,

306. this could haunt you for the rest of your life.

307. What do you mean?

308. Well, you might never go out again.

309. You'll become one of them

310. crazy old women who walk around

311. all day long with a shower cap on.

312. You'll wear a raggedy halter top

313. that say, "jam."

314. Then you going to start wearing

315. rhinestone gauchos.

316. And then, just for no reason,

317. you'll say, ♪ dum, dum, ditty

318. then you'll be eating neckbone sandwiches

319. all the time

320. and screaming at your little

321. imaginary dog brutus.

322. And you know what the worst part is?

323. The only man you're gonna be able to get

324. is some fool named grady,

325. who'll be smelling like menthol all the time

326. and falling asleep in his soup.

327. Oh, God, I hate soup.

328. Then you march through those curtains,

329. and you look his throat in the face.

330. Everything all right?

331. Oh, yeah, yeah. Everything's fine.

332. Hey, did we miss the national anthem?

333. Some fool named grady.

334. Is, uh, hilary o.K.?

335. Seems like something's bothering her.

336. No, no, no, no. Everything cool, man.

337. You wouldn't happen to have a turtleneck

338. out in your car, would you?

339. We are trying to enjoy the opera.

340. I know. It's hard, ain't it?

341. His neck is blocking my view.

342. It's like watching a snake

343. digest a rabbit.

344. Hilary!

345. Listen, it is all in your head.

346. It's all in his throat.

347. Young man!

348. Did you see

349. "throw mama from the train"?

350. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem.

351. Yuck!

352. I can't stand it!

353. Scott is making me sick.

354. Thank you for a wonderful evening.

355. My Uncle's got her on this crazy

356. curfew thing, man.

357. Hilary, listen. I'm begging you,

358. please go back in there and apologize to him.

359. It's very sweet of you to worry about me, will,

360. but I'm going to be just fine.

361. Look, hilary, listen, um...

362. Look, if you leave now,

363. I might get kicked out of school.

364. What?

365. Well, see, Professor Burton

366. broke up with his wife,

367. and he was grading really difficult,

368. so I figured if he was a little happier—

369. you've been using me to get a good grade?

370. No!

371. Not at all.

372. A little.

373. Oh, God.

374. Wait! Hilary!

375. Hey, Pavarotti, go in there

376. and tell my date I'll be back

377. in a minute, all right?

378. Ladies and gentlemen,

379. le crib chalet.

380. Oh!

381. Ooh, honey.

382. I owe you an apology, honey.

383. Not only did you did a great job

384. but you did it together with Carlton.

385. Mom, do me a favor.

386. Don't have any more babies.

387. Dad, did you see this report

388. in consummagazine?

389. It says the crib chalet's

390. the most dangerous crib on the market.

391. What are you talking about?

392. According to this, the crib malfunctioned,

393. and an infant was tossed 50 feet in the air.

394. We can beat that.

395. Well, well, that was just one crib.

396. The same thing happened to twins

397. Why don't you read an "Archie" comic book

398. or something?

399. Philip, the important thing is

400. that you and your son spent some quality time together.

401. You should be proud of what you built.

402. Even if it is a death trap.

403. You are just jealous because you don't

404. have a son like Carlton

405. to build something with.

406. Yes, sir, that must be it.

407. Look!

408. It's a bird!

409. It's a plane!

410. It's master Nicky!

411. Hilary, tonight I hurt somebody

412. that I really care about.

413. What about me, will?

414. I meant you.

415. Oh.

416. Thank you,

417. but you were right.

418. I was?

419. Scott is the first guy since Trevor

420. that I really liked, and I guess I got scared,

421. and I had to find something wrong with him.

422. And that Adam's apple thing was

423. the best you could do, huh?

424. I never had much of an imagination.

425. When I was a little girl,

426. I never had any imaginary friends.

427. I just used to play with Carlton's.

428. And, God, they were such dweebs.

429. You really miss Trevor, don't you?

430. I know it sounds dumb,

431. but sometimes I feel like

432. we're still engaged.

433. I mean, he died so suddenly,

434. and I never had a chance to say good-bye.

435. Well, it's never too late.

436. Well, I got to go study

437. for the massacre at little big mole.

438. Look, hil, I'm sorry, all right?

439. Good night.

440. Good night, will.

441. Good-bye, Trevor.

442. Then just for no reason,

443. you'll say ♪ dum, dum, ditty

444. oh, my God.