1. Hi, will!
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2. Hey, how are
you doing, Lindsey?
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3. Are you going to
the Lakers game?
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4. I wish.
I don't have no tickets.
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5. Isn't that
a coincidence?
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6. I have tickets
and no one to go with.
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7. You enjoy yourself
tonight, alright?
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8. Too bad you
can't make it.
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9. The seats are
center court.
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10. We can go in dad's limo.
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11. I have passes
to the after-game party.
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12. Who am I
to be so selfish?
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13. Pick me up around 8:00.
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14. Just for tonight,
how about you let
your buns down?
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15. Geoffrey, you look
great today.
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16. Have you done something
with your hair?
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17. Yes, I stopped
pulling it out.
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18. What are
you selling?
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19. I'm Hawking candy bars.
They're only 5 bucks.
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20. Marvelous.
With what I'm paid,
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21. I should be able
to afford one
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22. by the end
of the day.
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23. You poor,
pathetic gigolo.
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24. How could any
self-respecting man
sell himself so cheap?
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25. Like I don't hear
enough of that
from my mother.
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26. I was talking to will.
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27. Of course, why would
anyone talk to me?
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28. I'm but a poor,
lowly servant.
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29. Well, Carlton,
what's your damage, man?
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30. Lindsey can't resist me.
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31. It's just a laker game,
you know?
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32. Besides, you know what
they say about guys
with big ears.
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33. They can fly?
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34. I don't want to
talk about this.
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35. Why don't you
want to run?
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36. He's probably
afraid he'll
crack the concrete.
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37. Will, the L.A.
political coalition
asked your Uncle
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38. to run
for superior court judge.
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39. Yeah.
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40. Those imbeciles are
trying to railroad
judge robertson out.
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41. I can't believe that.
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42. Judge robertson?
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43. They have the audacity
to try that?
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44. Who the hell is
judge robertson?
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45. Your Uncle's
mentor and
a colorful person.
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46. He was a little
eccentric.
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47. He taught me the true
meaning of justice.
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48. I thought I wouldn't make it
through school, he
wouldn't let me quit.
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49. I wouldn't have gotten
through law school
without him.
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50. What did he do,
have the halls widened?
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51. Ha ha ha!
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52. That was a good one.
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53. For your information,
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54. he taught me not
only the spirit,
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55. but the letter
of the law.
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56. Whoo, God bless him.
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57. And I consider it
an insult for anyone
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58. to railroad him
out of office.
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59. What do you think, will?
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60. I think I shouldn't have said
nothing about them halls.
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61. So, did
everybody watch
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62. L.A.'s favorite
weathergirl today?
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63. No.
No.
No.
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64. Well, I was the bright
spot as usual.
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65. I wore my new versace.
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66. What's the weather
going to be like
tomorrow, honey?
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67. What am I, psychic?
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68. Oh, please!
Let me get it
this time.
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69. Uh, hilary,
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70. you look so
beautiful today.
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71. I was born beautiful.
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72. What are you selling?
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73. O.K., 10% off.
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74. I'll take two.
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75. Ahem.
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76. Master William,
miss Lindsey
to see you.
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77. Miss Lindsey,
this is most
inappropriate.
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78. I couldn't
possibly...
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79. Oh! It's Ben!
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80. Thank you.
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81. Yo, Lindsey, what
are you doing here?
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82. That's no way
to talk to your guest.
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83. Hi, I'm Vivian,
will's aunt.
Nice to meet you
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84. nice to meet you.
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85. Will,
can I talk to you?
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86. Right this way,
money—honey, I'm sorry.
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87. Lindsey, what's up?
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88. I had a great time.
It was magic.
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89. What did you do?
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90. I'm talking
about us.
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91. I didn't want
the night to end.
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92. Nights do that sometimes.
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93. Look, will,
we had so much fun
the other night,
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94. I was wondering if
we could spend some
time together.
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95. Look, Lindsey,
I'd really love to,
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96. but I have obligations,
commitments.
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97. I have a gold watch!
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98. So, how about a little
thank-you kiss?
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99. Thank you.
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100. Oh, yo, gi,
here's the whipped cream
you wanted for dinner.
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101. Who said it was
for dinner?
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102. Hey, Carlton,
what time is it?
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103. Oh, I'm sorry,
I almost forgot.
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104. I'm only wearing the finest
time piece ever made.
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105. This gold model
was hand crafted in Switzerland
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106. by the finest
of craftsmen.
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107. Keeps time accurate to within
three seconds a year.
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108. Love the casio.
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109. Will, you're nothing
more than a troller.
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110. A strumpet.
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111. A love slave.
Sans the love.
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112. I'm sorry, Carlton,
I couldn't hear you
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113. my damn watch was
just ticking so loud
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114. you just don't have the
fortitude to say no.
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115. Carlton, please, I mean,
I have no choice.
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116. I'm the chosen one.
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117. Take Moses, when he was asked
to part the red sea
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118. did he say
"no, ya'll build a dam"
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119. do I look o.K.?
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120. Relax, we're just
having company.
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121. It's not just company.
It's judge robertson.
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122. He's done so much
for me over the years
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123. it's my chance
to pay him back.
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124. Baby, we're just
having pot roast.
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125. Is the judge
here yet?
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126. No, not yet.
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127. Then I have time
to plant this.
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128. Hilary,
what is that?
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129. It's a bug.
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130. They gave it to me
at the news room.
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131. Scooping dirt
on judge robertson
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132. could be
a promotion.
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133. I feel just like
Deborah norville,
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134. except I have a job.
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135. Hilary, forget it.
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136. This man is our guest.
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137. Show him the respect
he deserves.
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138. Here comes the judge.
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139. Here comes the judge.
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140. Order in the court!
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141. Here comes the judge.
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142. It wouldn't kill you
to crack a smile,
you know.
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143. Ah!
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144. Judge robertson,
it's so good
to see you, sir.
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145. It's so easy
to see you.
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146. Looks like you haven't
stepped on the scales
of justice
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147. in quite some time.
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148. Ha ha ha!
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149. Did you hear
what he said?
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150. He was...
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151. Oh... Oh... Um...
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152. I'm laughing
at something that
happened yesterday.
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153. Oh, I'm done now.
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154. I remember you!
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155. You're Carlton!
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156. Ha ha ha!
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157. I've known you since
you were yay-high.
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158. Ain't nothing wrong
with his memory.
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159. You got that right.
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160. There may be snow
on the roof,
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161. but there's fire
in the furnace.
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162. And hello, Vivian.
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163. Philip, your wife
gets more youthful
with every passing year.
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164. Excuse me, this
is my daughter
hilary.
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165. This is my wife
Vivian.
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166. You've aged.
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167. And what the hell is
that you're wearing?
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168. Why don't we
come over here?
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169. Dinner
is served!
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170. Benson!
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171. I didn't know you
were really a Butler.
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172. Judge robertson's
quite a character.
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173. Hey, how come
he keeps calling
you weezy?
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174. I'm sorry, he's
beyond eccentric.
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175. I asked him to pass the salt,
he told me to go long.
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176. He was joking, Vivian.
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177. He broke a window!
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178. He's
a sexist pig.
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179. That's not true.
He's pro-choice.
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180. He said the only choice
a woman should have
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181. is with or without
the lights on.
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182. Oh, see, no that's disgusting.
The lights should be off.
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183. The only time a woman
should sit on the bench
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184. is when she's
waiting for a bus.
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185. That's ridiculous!
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186. What if she's serving
Cole slaw at a picnic?
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187. Point taken,
you have the makings
of a fine judge.
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188. Ha ha ha.
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189. Judge, you were
telling us
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190. about your
most recent decision.
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191. Oh, yes, I had
this boy before me.
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192. No preponderance
of evidence either way.
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193. It was a tough call,
but I had to convict.
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194. How did you decide?
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195. The prosecutor
was a babe,
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196. so after I decided
in her favor,
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197. she decided in mine.
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198. Look at the time.
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199. Well, judge, let me
walk you to your car.
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200. Good. Maybe
you can remember
where I parked.
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201. Hi, will!
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202. Hey, Lindsey,
how you doing?
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203. Will, would you like to go
with me to the autumn dance?
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204. Uh, wow.
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205. Um, look, Lindsey,
you've been generous,
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206. you know,
but I just can't—
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207. well, look...
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208. A motorcycle
helmet, hey.
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209. Hey, but, Lindsey,
I can't take—
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210. wow,
a motorcycle jacket
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211. with Malcolm on it.
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212. I can ride and
be righteous
at the same time.
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213. Look, but, Lindsey...
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214. These go to your
new harley-Davidson.
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215. Now, what
were you saying?
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216. Thank you?
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217. Oh, yeah, right, like
you wouldn't take it!
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218. Will.
Hey.
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219. How did this get
on the patio?
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220. I was careful
driving through
the house.
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221. Where did it come from?
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222. The harley factory.
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223. It's from Lindsey,
isn't it?
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224. What does she
get in return?
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225. All the rides she
wants, aunt viv.
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226. You are acting
like a pimp!
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227. That is totally unfair.
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228. If a man was buying
a woman these gifts,
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229. nobody would say anything.
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230. Gender doesn't matter.
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231. If you don't care
for someone,
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232. you shouldn't
accept gifts.
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233. It diminishes you everytime you
accept something from Lindsey
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234. you were not
raised that way.
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235. You know what
you need to do.
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236. Yeah, put out.
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237. I know, I know,
I give this stuff back.
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238. And...
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239. I got to be
honest with her.
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240. You know that's right.
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241. If I keep the bike,
I'm a pimp.
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242. If I give it back,
I'm a damn fool!
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243. Ah, well, pimp it is.
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244. Hi, honey.
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245. Hi, baby.
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246. Chocolate.
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247. Uh-uh-uh!
Forget it, honey,
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248. at 5 bucks a pop,
I'm not sharing.
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249. I am so angry.
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250. Here, have a bite.
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251. No. It's
about judge robertson.
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252. He's on that bench
for all the wrong reasons.
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253. Unless he's opposed,
he'll stay forever.
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254. Like who?
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255. Oh, I don't know.
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256. Somebody dynamic...
Principled...
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257. Someone who looks good
in a black robe.
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258. Jesse Jackson?
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259. Ohh...
No! Me!
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260. Ha ha ha.
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261. Baby, I always
thought you'd make
a fabulous judge.
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262. You sure, baby?
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263. This could mean big
changes for us all.
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264. It could also mean
big changes for the city.
Maybe for the better.
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265. I love you, Vivian.
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266. I love you, too.
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267. Get your hands off
my chocolate,
or you're a dead man.
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268. Here's judge robertson
at that anti-war rally.
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269. He was the only Professor
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270. with guts to go up against
the administration.
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271. I can't believe it.
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272. He was a great man
and a hell of a lawyer.
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273. I mean that those
women didn't shave
under their arms.
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274. Hey, Uncle Phil,
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275. who's that skinny,
weird dude
next to you?
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276. That's me.
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277. That's a relief.
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278. I was wondering
why Phil was holding
that dude's hand.
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279. He'll be here any minute.
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280. How will I tell him
I'm running against him?
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281. How do you tell somebody
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282. that used to be your hero
that he's incompetent?
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283. Well, big guy, may I suggest
using flash cards
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284. with really big pictures?
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285. If he's the man
you think he is,
he'll understand.
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286. If he's the man
I think he is
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287. he'll probably get lost
on his way to the bathroom.
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288. Judge robertson.
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289. Thanks, Benson.
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290. For the last time, sir,
I am not Benson.
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291. Oh, sure, right, right.
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292. How are you doing?
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293. Well, uh, we'll
leave you two alone.
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294. Come on, kids.
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295. Goodnight, nice
seeing you again.
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296. Mm, mm, not only
has she aged,
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297. she has
a beer belly.
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298. That's my wife,
and she's pregnant.
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299. Then she should
lay off the beer.
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300. Would you take
a seat, please?
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301. Judge robertson,
I hear that you're
running for re-election—
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302. and you want to make
a big, fat contribution.
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303. Hey, make the check
out to cash.
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304. In fact, why not
just give me cash?
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305. Or maybe that ring?
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306. That's good.
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307. No, Carl, look,
there's something
I want to tell you,
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308. but I can't seem
to find the words.
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309. Where did you
have them last?
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310. No... I'm talking about
what's happened to you.
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311. I'll be Frank.
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312. O.K., and who am I?
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313. No. Look, what I'm
trying to say is...
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314. That maybe you've
served the community
long enough.
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315. As your friend,
I think I should tell you
Copy !req
316. that maybe it's time
for you to retire.
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317. Me, retire?
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318. Oh, Frank!
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319. Have you lost your mind?
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320. I mean, this is
cushiest job in town.
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321. I get free coffee,
validated parking,
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322. I don't have to
wear pants,
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323. and there's no one
to run against me.
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324. Yes, there is.
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325. Who?
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326. Me.
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327. You!
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328. You've got
to be kidding!
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329. I taught you
about law,
not politics.
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330. The point is
I'm running
against you,
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331. and I thought
I should tell you.
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332. Let me tell you
something face
to face!
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333. I am a very
worthy opponent.
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334. And I can see myself
on your head.
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335. Oh, Benson, my car!
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336. Ah, takes a licking
and keeps on ticking.
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337. Judge.
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338. Hey, what's
going on?
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339. What are you
doing here?
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340. I don't know.
Don't I live here?
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341. No, judge,
you don't.
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342. Ah ha ha!
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343. No wonder the garage
door opener didn't work.
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344. It took forever
to pry it open.
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345. Uh, look, judge, um...
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346. Juice?
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347. No. No, thanks.
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348. Look, I got some
problems I got to
deal with tonight.
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349. Woman problems.
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350. Oh, women!
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351. They've been a problem
since they started voting!
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352. Sit and talk to me.
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353. I've had my share
of problems with women.
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354. It's this girl
at school,
Lindsey, right?
Copy !req
355. She just keeps
buying me all
these fly gifts.
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356. So what's the problem?
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357. Well, I'm not really
attracted to her
Copy !req
358. so what's the problem?
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359. Well, my aunt viv told me
it's not right
Copy !req
360. to accept gifts from people
you're not attracted to.
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361. Look, son,
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362. I remember when
I was your age
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363. there was this girl.
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364. I didn't like her
that much.
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365. She was always
buying me gifts...
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366. Dinner, taking me out.
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367. She offered to send me
through law school.
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368. So what did you do?
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369. Huh, what else?
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370. I married her.
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371. Pie?
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372. Uh, no, thanks, judge.
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373. So, wait, you're just
going to tell me
Copy !req
374. that you got together
with this girl
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375. and had this long,
incredible, wonderful life.
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376. I wish I could
tell you that.
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377. The truth is,
I dumped her
after law school.
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378. Aw, I'm sorry, judge,
that's too bad.
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379. Oh, no, that's o.K.
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380. We split everything
down the middle.
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381. I got the money,
the house,
car, boat...
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382. She got to
keep the kids.
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383. Pie?
Copy !req
384. No. No, thanks.
Copy !req
385. So you saying that
you just kept all the stuff
Copy !req
386. that she gave you even
after y'all broke up?
Copy !req
387. Damn straight!
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388. Possession is
9/10 of the law.
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389. Yo.
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390. Look, Lindsey, I told you
I'm busy.
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391. But I'm
in the neighborhood.
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392. Really close.
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393. How close, Lindsey?
Copy !req
394. Princess Leia!
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395. May the force be
with you!
Copy !req
396. Somebody broke
into your garage.
Copy !req
397. Quick!
Call the police!
Copy !req
398. Lindsey, can I talk
to you for a second?
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399. What are you
doing here?
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400. As if I didn't know.
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401. It's over, will.
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402. Hear what I said—what!
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403. Over.
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404. But why?
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405. Why ask why?
Look at her.
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406. I'm not attracted
to you, will.
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407. Whoa, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
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408. Yes, you are.
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409. No, I've never been
attracted to you.
Copy !req
410. Then why did you buy
all this stuff?
Copy !req
411. You're captain of
the basketball team.
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412. You're popular.
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413. Being seen with you
at the autumn dance
Copy !req
414. made me popular,
too.
Copy !req
415. But, now your job
is done.
Copy !req
416. That woman is ruthless.
Copy !req
417. Ever think about
going into politics?
Copy !req
418. Yeah, as a matter
of fact...
Copy !req
419. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
420. I'm saying, Lindsey,
what about me
as a person?
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421. What about my dimples
when I smile?
Copy !req
422. And what color
are my eyes?
Copy !req
423. You're quiet.
You don't even know.
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424. Who cares?
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425. Who cares?
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426. I feel so used,
so cheap.
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427. Well, you certainly
weren't cheap.
Copy !req
428. You cost me a fortune.
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429. I want my stuff back.
Copy !req
430. Now.
Copy !req
431. Wait, look...
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432. Now!
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433. Shhhh...
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434. You take this ring back.
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435. My mother don't scream
at me like that.
Copy !req
436. Take the watch back
and the jacket back.
Copy !req
437. Nice meeting you,
young lady.
Copy !req
438. Be sure
to rock the vote.
Copy !req
439. Goodnight!
Copy !req
440. You know, judge...
Copy !req
441. I never thought
saying goodbye
would be so hard.
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442. I really loved
that watch.
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443. Well, he was
a little eccentric.
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444. He traught—taught me—
let's do it again.
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445. He traught you?
What'd he traught you?
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446. He traught me oops.
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