The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 3x22

Directed by Shelley Jensen

D.L. Hughley as Keith Cambell • Susan Isaacs as Casting Director • Bernadette Luckett as M.C. • Lisa Marie Todd as Shawna

Will lands a spot in a comedy showcase after accompanying a comic friend to an audition.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Morning daddy.

2. Morning, sweetheart.

3. I was thinking, this week maybe

4. we could play tennis at the club, maybe do lunch.

5. You and me?

6. Yeah.

7. Ha! Good one, daddy.

8. Hi, kids!

9. Uh-oh. Needy father alert.

10. Hey, hold it. What is that supposed to mean?

11. Every time mom goes away,

12. you start wanting to do things with us. It's not fair.

13. So what are you saying?

14. What we're saying is,

15. here's $10. Go to the movies. Run!

16. Hey! Hey! Now come on! You Mr. smarty—

17. wanna go to a movie?

18. Sure would, Uncle Phil. Thanks. Appreciate that.

19. dad?

20. Hello?

21. I think we lost him.

22. Dad's pretty quick for a big guy.

23. He kept up with the car for a whole block.

24. He couldn't help it.

25. He got his coat stuck in the door.

26. Wow, will. Clean clothes.

27. What, is your probation officer stopping by?

28. Daah!

29. No, my buddy Keith's coming out from Philly.

30. I'm showing him around.

31. Great. He can hang out with dad,

32. actually, Keith's a comic. He gonna be large, too.

33. There's a big showcase at the standup club.

34. I think I speak for all of us when I say, so what?

35. I think I speak for myself

36. when I say, Uncle Phil, they're in here!

37. Wait! What are you doing?

38. Alright,

39. who pushed me? Huh?

40. It was Ashley.

41. No, it wasn't.

42. Now look. All I want to do

43. is spend some quality time with my family.

44. And running alongside a car is not it.

45. Uncle Phil...

46. What?

47. See, since I'm not immediate family,

48. I was wondering if I was immune—

49. sit down, will.

50. I'm sitting down right here...

51. In the non-immediate family section of the living room.

52. And I'm gonna shut up on my way down. Watch.

53. Now, you listen.

54. And you listen good.

55. We are a family.

56. I know this because I pay the bills.

57. So... We are going to start spending time together.

58. Lots of time.

59. Lucky us.

60. We are going to start acting more like a family.

61. Do I make myself clear?

62. Jawohl, mein fuehrer.

63. From now on, we're going to start eating together

64. and laughing together

65. and...

66. And...

67. I'll think of more things

68. as soon as I finish watching those cosby reruns.

69. Master William,

70. there's a young gentleman at the door

71. who thought you might find this funny.

72. I love my work.

73. Excuse me. I need to call my therapist.

74. Ah-ha ha! Hey!

75. How you doing, man?

76. Hey, quit hitting me.

77. Will, won't you introduce us to your company?

78. Uncle Phil, this is my buddy Keith from Philly.

79. How are you doing, Mr. banks?

80. This is my cousin Ashley. That's hilary and Carlton.

81. I appreciate your letting me stay here.

82. That was really great of you.

83. Excuse me?

84. Whoa! Uncle Phil, um...

85. I had no opportunity to enlighten you

86. about what's going on here,

87. but if you let Keith stay,

88. I promise I'll stop making them 976 calls on your car phone.

89. I'll take you to Chuck E. Cheese,

90. and I'll tell the head rat it's your birthday.

91. Um...

92. I'll go to an out-of-state college.

93. Keith, my boy. Welcome.

94. Ha ha ha ha.

95. Check it out, man.

96. What is this?

97. Uh, it's the interactive network TV.

98. Something black people buy

99. when they got too much time on their hands.

100. Come on. Push a player.

101. Alright.

102. Uh-oh. Look what's happening.

103. Oh, come on, man.

104. Touchdown! Aah!

105. Who's the man? Who's the man?

106. Game ain't over yet.

107. You never could take my busting your butt.

108. You never beat me.

109. You must be getting old, baby.

110. Your mind goin'.

111. Let me refresh your memory.

112. Since we was in kindergarten,

113. I always beat you like you stole something.

114. Like you just beat me now?

115. I don't care about this.

116. I'm going to get ready for my act.

117. You got to stand up there and tell some jokes.

118. Telling jokes—

119. that's what your drunk Uncle Lou do at weddings.

120. Me, I'm a professional.

121. Whoa, whoa. Hold on, hold on.

122. First, Uncle Lou's not a drunk.

123. O.K.? He has an inner ear problem.

124. That's why he always be sliding out his chair.

125. And second, anybody can get up on stage

126. and tell a couple jokes.

127. Why you talking silly?

128. There's a craft to this.

129. I take this real seriously.

130. Oh, please. Look, I've been funny all my life.

131. Mmm. All your life, you just been funny-looking.

132. Look at them ears.

133. Lean over, tell me what's going on in Somalia.

134. Huh. Well, if I couldn't find my way to Somalia,

135. I could follow that big map on your head.

136. Look at them teeth, all spaced out.

137. What you floss with— a jump rope?

138. Wait a minute.

139. Was that a professional joke?

140. Damn right.

141. You have to pay me to laugh at that.

142. Think you can do better? Show me. Do something.

143. Alright...

144. Oh, hey, g, g...

145. Can we talk to you?

146. I'm off-duty. You can talk,

147. but I don't have to listen.

148. Check it out. Is this funny or not?

149. Two gorillas go into a bar, right—

150. not.

151. Alright. Thanks for the ride.

152. You don't have to hang around.

153. Mmm. Mmm, mmm.

154. Well, you go be funny, I'm gonna nab me a honey.

155. Keith. Glad you could make the audition.

156. Thank you. Appreciate that.

157. Hey, girl...

158. You look so good,

159. I'd marry your brother just to get in your family.

160. Yo, man, you see that?

161. That's called the I-want-will walk.

162. Yo, Keith,

163. come here a minute.

164. Do the chivalry John.

165. I'm trying to concentrate.

166. D-d-do the chivalry John, man.

167. Come on!

168. Aah, zzht zzht.

169. Alright.

170. Hey, girl!

171. Why don't you stand up and wrap your arms around a real man?

172. Check it out, check it out.

173. I got four words for you.

174. Hol I day inn.

175. Come on, girl. You know you want to.

176. Excuse me, miss. Is this abrasive negro bothering you?

177. Yes, as a matter of fact, he is.

178. Allow me.

179. Now, look here, buddy.

180. You have no business bothering this sweet young lady.

181. Now apologize. And don't make me take off my belt.

182. O.K. Not the belt, man. I be cool.

183. Look, I'm sorry. O.K.?

184. Now, you get out of her face now!

185. Look, um, miss...

186. I'd just like to apologize

187. on behalf of my gender

188. for his rude behavior.

189. That's o.K.

190. No, it's not.

191. He had no reason to act like that.

192. I'm sorry.

193. That's o.K.

194. Look, um, could I call you sometime?

195. Yeah.

196. Call me. Thank you.

197. You.

198. Me?

199. You a comic? I don't know you.

200. Yeah, I'm known all over town.

201. I'm, uh, shecky.

202. Shecky shabazz.

203. Hmm.

204. You're funny, shecky.

205. No, sorry. I'm not here to audition.

206. What I saw was good enough.

207. You're in the showcase, you're on at 8:15.

208. Yabba-dabba-do! I'm in the showcase, too.

209. Ha ha!

210. Here you go, big guy.

211. Thank you, son.

212. Ahh...

213. Hilary, sweetheart...

214. How was work today, darling?

215. It was great, dad. Thanks for asking.

216. Ohh, it's wonderful spending time with one's family.

217. Daddy? Yes, dearest?

218. I'm feeling nauseous.

219. I am, too.

220. Let's take a break, kids.

221. I think we'll forget about those Chinese checkers

222. after the sing-along.

223. But the sing-along's still on, right?

224. Ow! You're hurting my arm. Stop.

225. Keith.

226. Oh. Hi, Mr. banks.

227. Are you alright, son?

228. Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

229. It's a pleasure to meet one of will's friends

230. who has his head on straight.

231. You've been a very positive influence on him, son.

232. Thank you, sir.

233. You know, I used to think so, too.

234. Hey, Uncle Phil!

235. You been on me to make some decisions in life.

236. Well, I've decided what I want to do.

237. Oh, great. What is it?

238. Something that makes a difference, makes people feel good.

239. That's wonderful.

240. I want to be a comedian!

241. Uncle Phil, I don't think. Comedian is a bad word.

242. It is here.

243. I spent thousands sending you to a top prep school.

244. I should've sent you to camp funny-pants.

245. I bet Sinbad's parents supported him

246. when he wanted to be a comedian.

247. They named him Sinbad!

248. He had two options—

249. pirate or comic!

250. I know it's a shock,

251. but think of the money you'll save

252. by not sending me to college.

253. There is no future in it, will.

254. Come on, Uncle Phil.

255. Can I help it that I'm this incredibly handsome,

256. incredibly talented guy

257. with star quality?

258. Uncle Phil...

259. This thing is bigger than both of us.

260. Well, sort of.

261. I want you to go to college, that's all.

262. I will if this doesn't work.

263. Let me take my shots in life.

264. You really want this badly, son?

265. Yes, I do.

266. You actually think you can make a success of it?

267. Yes, sir, I do.

268. Well...

269. Son, I...

270. Guess there's only one thing for me to do.

271. I'm gonna nail your behind to the floor.

272. If I catch you near a comedy club,

273. I'll break every bone in your body.

274. Do I make myself perfectly clear?

275. Perfectly.

276. Yo, Keith, what's up?

277. That's what I've been trying to figure out.

278. I thought you was my boy.

279. I am.

280. Not after what you pulled today at the audition.

281. You mad that I got in a showcase?

282. The lady gave it to me. I wasn't going for it.

283. Yeah, but I was.

284. And you got it, so what's your beef?

285. You don't get it.

286. I worked hard to get here.

287. You know how many clubs I got booed out and dives I played

288. till I got a routine that worked?

289. You're joking around. I'm serious.

290. Well, so, what...

291. Are you asking me to back out?

292. No. I'm asking you to show me some respect.

293. Respect? I walk through the door.

294. Before I hit the chair, she was givin' me a job.

295. You could learn something from me.

296. Oh, really?

297. Well, I'll be offstage taking notes, o.K.?

298. Well, you better bring a big pad.

299. We'll be right back in 5 minutes for another hot comic.

300. Oh, well, I guess I'm up next guys.

301. I wrote down a few jokes that you might find useful.

302. Listen and laugh.

303. Did you hear what the snail said

304. when he road on the back of the turtle?

305. No, Carlton, what?

306. We-ee-ee!

307. Use that one for your big finish.

308. No maybe you should try this one.

309. Why did the Turkey cross the road?

310. I know I'm gonna regret this, buy why?

311. Chicken's day off.

312. Eat your heart out Rodney danger feild.

313. Hey, I'm givin' you gold here.

314. See Carlton, this why people trip in the halls.

315. Don't be proud will, take it.

316. You'll thank me later.

317. Carlton, I'm gonna be hilarious.

318. When I get done with Keith,

319. the only job he's gonna have is puttin' lids on slurpees.

320. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together

321. for our next comedian.

322. From Philadelphia, p.A., give it up for will Smith!

323. What's up?

324. What's up?

325. How y'all doing out there?

326. Hey, um, I'm a little tired, though.

327. I had a rough date last night.

328. I went out with this girl who ain't have no arms.

329. I took her to the arsenio hall show.

330. She was like, whoo, whoo, whoo.

331. But that's cool. Check it out.

332. I should be mad at my cousin Carlton.

333. He set me up with her.

334. He ain't no prize his self.

335. He look like a miniature Bryant gumbel on a bad hair day.

336. That's cool. Check it out.

337. But, actually, my cousin Carlton—

338. he don't have no problem buying clothes.

339. He's so short, he rips them off his g.I. Joe doll,

340. wears them right out the box.

341. Ahem. Ha ha ha.

342. Will's really bombing up there. We should do something.

343. Ah, good idea.

344. Boo! Get off the stage!

345. We want our money back! Go back where you came from!

346. Hey, what's up?

347. What's up? Whoa!

348. Hold up! Hold up!

349. Give me that before you hurt yourself.

350. Give will Smith a big round of applause!

351. Come on, y'all can do better than that!

352. He'll be back, just not in here.

353. I hope you're funnier than the last guy.

354. I know I'd get heckled by no jheri curl.

355. You got the nerve to be smoking, too.

356. You trying to kill us all?

357. I ain't bothering no jheri curl.

358. That plastic bag's so noisy at night, you're always irritable.

359. Crumple crumple. I cannot sleep!

360. Maybe I better speak in your language—

361. drip drip, drip drip.

362. Drip drip.

363. I'm new in L.A., but I know you can't wear colors.

364. Can't wear red, one gang'll beat you.

365. Blue, other gang'll beat you.

366. Last night I put on plaid,

367. two golfers beat the hell out of me.

368. And everybody in L.A. got a car phone.

369. Sometime, the phone the best thing on the car.

370. Every time the phone ring, the car just cut off.

371. Girl, I'm glad you called. I need a jump.

372. Stop calling, I'll never get home.

373. I do this 'cause I wanna be rich.

374. I wanna be rich not for reasons like you'll.

375. I wanna be rich so I can sleep late.

376. When you broke, you gotta be up at six in the morning.

377. Sometimes you accidentally wake up at three.

378. Am I late?

379. And black people set their alarm 30 minutes early

380. so they can snooze it three times.

381. Ba-aa! That was a drill.

382. I'm gonna get it right next time.

383. Now they say there's a recession.

384. Black folks didn't know that.

385. We been broke since the day before forever.

386. Black folks get around being broke—

387. we'll put stuff on layaway...

388. And leave it for a long time.

389. I know brothers still got bell bottoms on layaway.

390. Ever left stuff on layaway so long,

391. you wouldn't even recognize it?

392. Damn! When did I get an 8-track tape player?

393. It's paid for now.

394. White folks, you see them in the unemployment office.

395. 210 a week! How can I live on that?

396. My brother be behind him.

397. 210 a week! For nothing?

398. Baby, get the kids. We done come up.

399. Black parents are different than white parents.

400. No better, no worse, just different.

401. Saw poltergeist.

402. Little white child trapped in a TV starts crying.

403. "Oh, my God! Caroline's in the TV! What'll we do?"

404. Had that been a black mother, she'd have been proud.

405. Call her best friend.

406. "Girl, turn to channel 2."

407. "My baby's on TV."

408. But white people get to do stuff we don't.

409. White people get to die and come back.

410. Elvis been dead 15 years, people still seeing this brother.

411. When a black man's gone, he's gone.

412. You don't see brothers going, "man, I just saw Marvin gaye!

413. "He was at the mall!

414. I heard it through the grapevine."

415. You guys have been great. Thank you very much.

416. Give it up for Keith Campbell!

417. You, man. You!

418. Good morning, Uncle Phil.

419. Good morning, will.

420. I hear Keith really blew them away last night.

421. You should've seen how he handled them hecklers.

422. Oh, I mean, um...

423. How I heard somewhere that he handled the hecklers.

424. Hmm. Heh heh heh.

425. Don't worry. I know you were there. I won't kill you.

426. I heard you already died a pretty horrible death.

427. Yo, it was nasty, Uncle Phil.

428. I guess I ain't as funny as I thought.

429. I could've told you that.

430. Nothing you do, funny to me.

431. That's pretty cold, Uncle Phil.

432. So's the world without an education and a good job.

433. Alright, I learned my lesson,

434. but come on, I'm funny.

435. Alright, here. Check it out.

436. Knock knock.

437. Who's there?

438. Amy fisher.

439. Amy— bang!

440. Yo, yo, yo. I'm on my way to the airport.

441. Thank you for your hospitality. I appreciate that.

442. Everybody except you, Geoffrey.

443. You don't think I'm funny, do you?

444. For a tip, I might.

445. I got a tip for you. Tails is out.

446. So are you.

447. There's the door.

448. Now, that's funny!

449. Everybody in L.A.'s a vegetarian.

450. I don't eat red meat, I don't eat pork.

451. It's cool to have a baked potato or a salad occasionally.

452. But at a certain level of hungry,

453. I need something dead on my plate.

454. They put parsley on black people's plates.

455. The waiter said it's to make your plate pretty.

456. Wouldn't an extra shrimp make my plate look even better?