The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 3x21

Directed by Chuck Vinson

Parley Baer as Woodrow • Olivia Brown as Lola • DJ Jazzy Jeff as Jazz • Steve Nevil as Homer • Riddick Bowe as Bo

Heavyweight boxing champ Riddick Brown wreaks havoc with Carlton's mind and Will's face at a funky cafe-casino in Nevada, where the cousins have stopped on their way to check out a college for Will.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey, what up, c? Hey, will.

2. Ah, bacon, avocado and mayonnaise.

3. Alex, the question is what are the three things found in Uncle Phil's beard?

4. Aw, yuck! Now I lost my appetite. Thanks a lot, will.

5. No, thank you, man. Ah, master William.

6. Here are the maps you requested for your road trip.

7. Thanks a lot, g.

8. Ah, university of Nevada,

9. where at graduation they don't wear their tassels on their caps.

10. You sure are lucky, will.

11. Spending the weekend at a college campus

12. with 4,000 hot coeds,

13. and you get to bunk with dad and Sara Lee.

14. Crocket, anyone?

15. Um, jazz, you alright, man?

16. You got a kind of Clark kent/urkel thing jumping off here.

17. Actually, will, he looks like me.

18. Yeah, that's what I was saying.

19. I'm all ready for my trip to college.

20. About time, too.

21. I spent eight years in high school.

22. Jazz, Uncle Phil is going to be my chaperon.

23. I don't think he wants you to come, buddy.

24. Well, I guess I better return these stupid, funky clothes.

25. Here, Carlton.

26. hello, master William. Hey, what's up, g?

27. Hey check it out. I just finished making my schedule for the weekend

28. I figure if I work fast, I can see everything this college has to offer

29. this is a list of sororities.

30. Yes, sir, from Alpha to gama to bam-mama-jama.

31. Silly me, when I went to university

32. I actually spent most of my time studying

33. well, yeah, but look at you now, g.

34. Touché. Did you by any chance

35. see "murder she wrote" last week?

36. No. Good.

37. Watch you back.

38. I just love having a little brother.

39. Me too.

40. Isn't it cute the way he burps and drools and dribbles.

41. Guys, Carlton's eighteen now I don't think

42. we should continue to encourage that type of behavior.

43. We're talking about the new baby.

44. I never thought I'd actually enjoy taking care of one.

45. It's for you, Geoffrey.

46. We better get to the club.

47. Alright, but I draw the line at breast feeding.

48. Hey, hey, Uncle Phil. You ready to burn some rubber?

49. Make some tracks?

50. Cough up a lung?

51. It's okay I'm fine. I never felt better.

52. Call an ambulance.

53. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

54. You can't do this to me.

55. I've been planning this trip for months.

56. You can make it.

57. There's a dodger dog in it for you.

58. Sorry. I don't think I can make it.

59. No, no. Yes, you can. Come on.

60. look, you're just going to have to call the university

61. and cancel, that's all.

62. Uncle Phil, why can't you trust me to go by myself?

63. Because I'm smarter than the average bear.

64. If you can't trust me,

65. there's got to be somebody you trust me to go with.

66. Hey-ho, campers!

67. cut it out, will. No high jinks while driving, young man.

68. Fasten that seat beat. It's the law.

69. Yes, sir, deputy dawg.

70. Oh, Carlton, did you see that billboard?

71. Come on, man, I'm starving.

72. Jes, hello. This is Tony Montana.

73. I just saw your billboard on the highway.

74. You know what's good for you,

75. you'll make me a pepperoni pizza with anchovies on it.

76. What do you think you're doing?

77. What's it sound like I'm doing?

78. Yeah, hi. We're going north on I-80.

79. Just look for the little square-head guy

80. who can barely see over the steering wheel.

81. Grow up, will.

82. Oh! Carlton! Carlton!

83. Hey, hey, hey! What's up, girls?

84. Slow down! We could use a little roadside assistance, you know?

85. Will, do you want me to turn around?

86. I want you to speed up and catch them girls.

87. That's it, mister! You're on a time out!

88. Carlton, man, look,

89. you really need to loosen up, man.

90. We're young, we're single.

91. One of us is really handsome,

92. the other one is you.

93. We're kids. It's our job to act like idiots.

94. That's your job, will.

95. I'm here representing dad.

96. My job is to ruin your fun.

97. And you really love your work, don't you?

98. What's wrong now?

99. Look, man, I got to go to the bathroom.

100. I'm sorry, but the next bathroom break

101. isn't scheduled for another 33 minutes.

102. That may be so,

103. but whether you stop or not, I'm going in one minute.

104. I don't get a good feeling about this place.

105. It's cool. I'll take care of it.

106. Uh, we ain't black!

107. We just got back from Hawaii!

108. You have 45 seconds to go to the bathroom.

109. If you're not back, I'm leaving.

110. It may take you 45 seconds,

111. but it takes a fully grown man a little while longer.

112. You just wasted about 15 seconds, buddy.

113. You smell chicken?

114. Forget about it, will.

115. Rule number 13— no poultry in the car.

116. Are we there yet?

117. Will, I think the engine's knocking.

118. That's not where the engine is, stupid.

119. Chicken, my brother?

120. Jazz, how did you get in the trunk?

121. It was easy.

122. Oh, you need a new lock for your garage.

123. Wow!

124. College.

125. Just like I imagined it.

126. Can I help you fellas?

127. I guess you might as well fill 'er up,

128. and wash the windows,

129. and look under the hood for, um,

130. uh, you know, hood things.

131. How can people play these things? They're so boring.

132. Touch that handle, granny, and you'll be pulling back a nub.

133. Oh, hey, homer, what's up with the benz?

134. Well, considering my limited experience with foreign cars,

135. this being the first one anyone's let me touch,

136. I think it went pretty well.

137. Let me guess. You have a nuclear reactor in your backyard.

138. Uh, what do we owe you?

139. Uh, it's $300.

140. $25 for the gas, and $275 to call Germany

141. to find out whether it took regular or unleaded.

142. Yo, man, are you crazy?

143. I prefer the term "emotionally challenged."

144. And you still owe me $300.

145. This guy's scaring me. Let's pay him and go.

146. Do you prefer a check or credit card?

147. Cash.

148. I've only got $40 cash.

149. Everyone takes credit cards.

150. What kind of hick are you?

151. The kind that don't take credit cards.

152. I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep the car.

153. Whoa! Whoa, homer!

154. Homer, homer, chill.

155. Check it out, man, I got $30.

156. How much do you got?

157. Between this soda can and what's in my wallet,

158. I'm good for a nickel.

159. We'll get your money. We need a few minutes.

160. No problem. If you need me,

161. I'll be at McDonald's watching the numbers change.

162. Great. What are we going to do now?

163. Alright. Alright, let's just think.

164. I'm sure we can come up with something

165. if we put our heads together.

166. You got me.

167. Aah! Yes, yes, yes, yes!

168. Come to Lola.

169. Coming.

170. Check it out. We're going to get paid right here.

171. Give me your money.

172. I won't let you succumb to the base pleasures of gambling.

173. Besides, we're underage.

174. Can I get $40 in quarters?

175. What do you say, jazz?

176. You turn my 30 into 300?

177. Does James brown use a hot comb?

178. Jazz, that was our last chip, man.

179. Don't worry. We got her right where we want her.

180. Full house.

181. Yes!

182. Jazz, you lost all our money.

183. You said you knew how to play poker.

184. Poker? You mean this isn't go fish?

185. Tough luck, boys. Next victim.

186. Whoa! Hey, Lola, check it out.

187. I thought we had an understanding.

188. When a man's nice to you,

189. you don't take all his money—

190. not while he's still awake.

191. You're breaking my heart. Take a hike!

192. Lola, baby, come on.

193. Give me a chance to win my money back.

194. If you don't, I can't get my car.

195. Come on, have a heart.

196. I'm just a poor black man

197. trying to get to a panty raid.

198. I'll give you a job. You can work off your debts,

199. like woodrow here.

200. Yeah, my studebaker broke down back in '78.

201. I've been working here all this time to pay it off.

202. 15 more years, and...

203. You can just eat my dust.

204. Ha! Check it out. Look, uh, Lola,

205. I don't want to die here an old white man, okay?

206. Will?

207. What?

208. Excuse me.

209. What?

210. I think I got the answer to our problem right here in my sock.

211. Nobody's going to pay to see your sixth toe.

212. Allow me, my brother.

213. Yo, you been holding out on me.

214. I'm sorry. Emergency bean pie fund.

215. Miss Lola, can I interest you in a game of chance?

216. I'm listening.

217. I'm thinking of a number

218. between 1 and 10.

219. What is it?

220. 4.

221. Damn!

222. You boys are pathetic.

223. Alright, I'm going to give you another shot.

224. Double or nothing— high card wins.

225. Alright, you're on.

226. Black queen—

227. something I can relate to.

228. Skaboom!

229. Ha ha!

230. A black king, and I don't mean shaka zulu.

231. Ha ha ha ha!

232. Thank you.

233. Quarters.

234. I have to have quarters, will.

235. Wait—

236. I know I can beat it.

237. First it was bell, bell, cherry,

238. then cherry, lemon, lemon.

239. Carlton—

240. but now it's just cherry, cherry, bell.

241. Cherry, cherry, bell.

242. Cherry, cherry, bell!

243. Cherry, cherry, bell!

244. Carlton, Carlton!

245. Get a grip on yourself, man.

246. I got the money for the car. We can leave.

247. I can't! It's this damn...

248. Thing!

249. It just sits there taunting me.

250. "What's wrong, Carlton?

251. Lost your nerve, sissy boy?"

252. You got to help me, will. Make it stop.

253. Okay, everybody, stand back.

254. If I apply the vulcan death grip

255. and press real hard here,

256. I can make him black out.

257. Jazz!

258. Look! Look, Carlton, listen,

259. if you get in the car right now,

260. we'll sing the theme to West Side story.

261. You can be Maria.

262. I—I just want to play a few more times.

263. Get your butt in that car!

264. Don't you roll your eyes at me!

265. I can't leave now!

266. See, I figured the odds.

267. If I play 9,063 more times, I can beat it.

268. Carlton, listen.

269. This is what gambling does to you, alright?

270. It's a disease, and it's evil.

271. Stop it!

272. Right now.

273. Oh, buzz off, flat top!

274. I ain't playing with you, man.

275. Get your butt in that car!

276. Why don't you get off my damn back?

277. Okay, see, now it's on.

278. See, my mother don't talk to me like that!

279. Come on, jazz, let's go.

280. I mean, jazz, we was right for leaving Carlton.

281. Absolutely.

282. I've been looking forward to this weekend.

283. I shouldn't miss out

284. 'cause he's got the hots for the slots.

285. You on a roll with a side of slaw.

286. He expect us to babysit him

287. while he have a nervous breakdown?

288. He's so selfish, man.

289. That boy put the "e" in ignorant.

290. I'm saying, ain't no way I'm letting Carlton ruin this weekend.

291. Are we slowing down?

292. Nothing should stand between a man and his phi beta Booty.

293. Will, you're only doing 20 over the speed limit.

294. What's wrong?

295. Look, didn't I say nothing's wrong, man?

296. Except I got a tankful of gas,

297. a campus full of honeys,

298. and I keep thinking about that midget we left there.

299. Will, honestly,

300. I don't think Ashley wanted to come along.

301. I'm not talking about Ashley,

302. I'm talking about Carlton.

303. We left him back there without a friend in the world.

304. Then he should feel right at home.

305. He don't need us, and we don't need him.

306. luck be a lady tonight.

307. Tramp.

308. Michael Jackson impression? Only a quarter.

309. Here's 50 cents. Now, get out of my face.

310. Cool.

311. Evening, Bo. What can I get you?

312. A Shirley temple.

313. No giggling when you bring it to me.

314. I'll draw your portrait for a quarter.

315. Yay!

316. No!

317. That's my money!

318. I've been feeding this machine all night.

319. What are you doing?

320. It's my money!

321. I don't like your attitude.

322. Can it, steroid breath!

323. What'd you say?

324. See? He's doing great.

325. Come on, Bo, knock it off. You might break something.

326. Yeah, like my cousin. Yo, chill. What's up?

327. Bigfoot here stole my quarters.

328. Carlton, I'm just guessing here, but, uh,

329. name calling— bad idea. Shh!

330. You tore my shirt. My mother bought me this.

331. And I'm sure she's a fine woman.

332. You got quarters. Call her for a new shirt.

333. I don't want one. I wanna clean the bar with his face.

334. Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?

335. What you saying?

336. Well, I wasn't suggesting me specifically.

337. Ah, Bo, this isn't a fair fight.

338. Any bets?

339. I'll take 5 on the big guy.

340. Ain't nobody going to chump me. I ain't no punk.

341. Will, you don't have to—

342. bbssshhh!

343. The time comes when a man has to take responsibility

344. and fight his own battles.

345. And I'll let you know when the time comes.

346. Give me 10 on Bo.

347. I know how you can take this dude.

348. How good are you at faking seizures?

349. Thanks for the vote of confidence, jazz.

350. Look, check it out.

351. Take the keys, start the engine.

352. I'm going to bite him and jump in the car.

353. Let's get busy. I ain't got all night.

354. Nightline's on in two minutes.

355. Wait a minute. Can I stretch first, please?

356. I could pull a muscle or something out here.

357. Anybody got any kryptonite in the house?

358. That's real funny.

359. Really? So, you're not going to hit me?

360. You're not that funny.

361. Well, no. But I can be, though.

362. That's funny, though, right?

363. No. Whoa! Wait a minute!

364. You wait one damn minute!

365. We brothers, man.

366. This is crazy!

367. We shouldn't be fighting over a couple of quarters.

368. I mean, in this cruel, hard world,

369. we got to stick together, man,

370. or we done, man.

371. And if you want to be the brother

372. that cast the first stone

373. for the degradation of the entire race...

374. Then you go right ahead.

375. Did you get the feeling back in your head yet?

376. You say something, Uncle Phil?

377. Will, I just want to thank you

378. for standing up for me.

379. Man, look, it was nothing.

380. What is family for?

381. We shouldn't have left you there in the first place.

382. Anything could have happened. I'm sorry about that.

383. Are you crazy? I had the time of my life.

384. What?

385. For a little while, I was living on the edge.

386. I, Carlton banks, recording secretary of the audiovisual squad,

387. was gambling, swearing, and staying up really, really late.

388. I feel so... Liberated.

389. Quick, open the back window.

390. Yo, for what, man?

391. I'm going to moon Nevada.

392. Bottoms up.

393. Oh, Carlton, come on. Put that thing away.

394. Someone's going to get hurt.

395. Ah, don't worry, will. This is my lucky day.

396. I knew your butt was going to get us in trouble.

397. University of Nevada— here I come.

398. Oh, where at graduation—

399. I got all this— In my mouth. I'm sorry.

400. Where at graduation—