The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 3x17

Kim Fields as Monique • DJ Jazzy Jeff as Jazz

When Monique refuses to have sex until she's married, Will stages a mock wedding ceremony with D.J. Jazzy Jeff as the preacher.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, man.

2. Oh, you know, Monique...

3. Hmm?

4. I've never said this to a girl before, but...

5. Oh, baby, you all that and a bag of chips.

6. Oh, will, am I?

7. Hey, I'm lying, I'm dying.

8. You know what I'm saying?

9. Oh, will.

10. Babe, I got to tell you.

11. Whatever it is that you serving...

12. You better give me a double.

13. I was just playing, 'cause you know how I be joking.

14. I be joking.

15. You know...

16. I—I wasn't being straight up with you.

17. But I will now.

18. Monique...

19. I care about you, baby.

20. I care about you so much.

21. I couldn't trust myself

22. to express my real feelings.

23. hey, hey, hey.

24. Hey. Hi.

25. Man, something smells good.

26. Oh, wait. That's me.

27. Hey, yo, check it out. I just tried on

28. that new Michael Jackson cologne

29. down at the mall.

30. I don't smell anything.

31. Well, that's funny.

32. It's lighter than it was when I put it on.

33. What are you doing wearing cologne?

34. You never wear cologne.

35. He wants to smell good for Monique.

36. They have a big date tonight.

37. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well,

38. I figured y'all gonna be out of the house,

39. and my man g here has the night off.

40. Monique will come over, we'll go to my room.

41. Six or seven hours later,

42. we come back down again.

43. You know what I'm saying?

44. You don't know what I'm saying.

45. Well... Guys,

46. what do you think of my new dress?

47. Doesn't make me look too big, does it?

48. Um...

49. No?

50. Hilary, what do you think, honey?

51. Well, you know how I'm always borrowing your things?

52. Well, you don't have to worry about this one.

53. Hi, sweetheart.

54. Hello, dear.

55. Hi.

56. Oh, what a day.

57. I'll skip dinner and clear up some paperwork.

58. Philip, remember, we're going to go out to dinner.

59. Yeah, remember?

60. Yeah. I've been looking forward to it all day.

61. So, where are we going?

62. To the restaurant.

63. Uh... Le...

64. Uh... Le...

65. Chez...

66. Uh...

67. M-mc... Uh...

68. Mc... Uh...

69. Alright, Vivian. I forgot.

70. Philip, I don't believe it.

71. Fine. We might as well just stay home.

72. V-Vivian...

73. Philip, forget it. I don't want to go out if you don't.

74. What about what I want?

75. I mean, what about my needs?

76. Here you are, madam.

77. I'm guessing they're not for me.

78. I haven't put out in years.

79. Oh, Philip, they're beautiful.

80. Ah, let me. Hmm.

81. "I'm looking forward to dinner tonight

82. "with the most beautiful woman in the world.

83. I love you."

84. Oh, Philip, you were teasing me. I love you, too.

85. Yeah.

86. Okay let me just go freshen up.

87. Okay, baby. Love you.

88. Uncle Phil,

89. Trevor sent these flowers.

90. They're for hilary.

91. Not anymore.

92. Well...

93. Uncle Phil,

94. you lied to your woman.

95. My man, give it up top.

96. Mirror, mirror on the wall,

97. Jean-Claude van damn, I'm fine!

98. Ahem. Miss Monique is here to see you.

99. What's up, baby?

100. Hi, honey.

101. Oh, uh, if you need me,

102. I'll be dodging winos at the bus station.

103. My father would kill me

104. if he knew I was out with a boy tonight.

105. I told him I was going to church.

106. The lord is good.

107. Why don't you come on over here

108. and sit down, relax a little bit?

109. Okay.

110. Ahem.

111. Well, you are pretty slick, will Smith.

112. And I ain't even oiled up yet, you know?

113. I think I should tell you

114. nothing turns me on more than a sense of humor.

115. Really?

116. Maybe you'd like to go upstairs

117. and I can do my stand-up.

118. Now, why waste time going upstairs?

119. See, this way,

120. whenever you pass the couch,

121. you'll think of me.

122. Maybe I can get some memories of you in the kitchen

123. and the jacuzzi, too.

124. Watch yourself, girl.

125. Ooh, mama knows, child.

126. baby, what you doing?

127. Hey, what's—

128. will...

129. I can't do this. I better go.

130. Whoa, whoa. Baby, what's the problem?

131. You really turn me on.

132. What's the problem?

133. I don't know, will.

134. I really thought I could handle all this, but...

135. I—I can't, so we better stop.

136. Whoa. Some things just ain't that easy to stop.

137. I know.

138. And it isn't that easy for me, either.

139. Will, I want you,

140. but I guess deep down inside,

141. I'm just an old-fashioned girl.

142. I want to be married before I...

143. Go all the way.

144. You understand, don't you?

145. Look, Monique, I'd love to talk,

146. but there ain't no blood in my brain.

147. Will, it's only 7:00. What are you doing up?

148. Man, I been up for hours.

149. I swam, like, 20 laps in the pool,

150. um, went down, shot some hoops,

151. jogged around the track half a dozen times.

152. I waxed your car for you, too.

153. No nooky last night, huh?

154. Man, no nooky, no nothing, man.

155. Look, see, I don't understand, man.

156. It's like, she was here, everything was perfect,

157. then all of a sudden, she wasn't with it.

158. Will, will, will.

159. You just don't understand women.

160. When it comes to matters of the heart,

161. you can't rush things.

162. Give her time. She'll come around.

163. Really?

164. How long you give them?

165. Well, let's see.

166. A week from Friday, it'll be, uh...

167. 18 years.

168. Morning, boys.

169. Hey, good morning, Uncle Phil!

170. Morning, dad.

171. Morning, son.

172. Hey, look, uh, Uncle Phil, check it out.

173. Can I talk to you for a second?

174. Do you have to?

175. Come on, Uncle Phil. This is serious, man.

176. I need to talk to you about, um...

177. Cars.

178. Cars? You—

179. ohh.

180. Cars. Cars.

181. Uh, yeah, well,

182. I, uh, guess it is about time

183. that you and I started talking about, uh...

184. Cars. Cars.

185. Uh...

186. Mmm...

187. Okay.

188. Oh, God.

189. This car isn't in trouble, is it?

190. Oh, no, no, no.

191. Never been off the lot,

192. far as I can tell.

193. Look, will,

194. driving is serious business.

195. Now...

196. These days,

197. you got to think about safety.

198. You never want to go for a ride in a car

199. without your seat belt.

200. Uh...

201. And, uh...

202. Use your brakes.

203. Don't floor it.

204. Because...

205. Then you throw a rod,

206. you—you flood your carburetor, you crack your block.

207. You understand what I'm saying?

208. No, man.

209. No sex before marriage.

210. Wait... Come on, Uncle Phil. This is the nineties, man.

211. Take a cold shower.

212. I've been doing that since the eighties. It don't work no more.

213. I know I'm talking to teenage hormones from hell,

214. but if you care about this young lady,

215. you don't want to do anything to damage the relationship,

216. and intimacy requires a real commitment.

217. Uncle Phil, I'm saying,

218. Uncle Phil, I mean,

219. we both mens here, you know.

220. We got ugly needs.

221. You're a grown man. I can't always watch you.

222. I'll rely on you to do the right thing.

223. Dearly beloved,

224. we are gathered here

225. to unite this couple

226. in holy matrimony.

227. And by the powers invested into me,

228. and for the Republic in which it stands,

229. I now pronounce you man and wife.

230. Get busy.

231. Will, I'm so happy.

232. I can't believe we did this.

233. Me, neither.

234. Come on. Let's go, baby.

235. Whoa, father. Father, father...

236. Chill, alright? Um, look, baby,

237. I need to take care of the reverend, okay?

238. Okay, honey. I'm going to go warm up the car.

239. Hey, hey, hey.

240. This is God's crib.

241. Take that in the street where it belongs.

242. Psshh. Psshh.

243. You better get out, my brother.

244. Any minute now, that minister's going to realize

245. his house ain't on fire.

246. I don't believe this. Jazz, man, together we are invincible.

247. Granted, my brother,

248. we're good,

249. but people can still see us.

250. Ah, baby, here we go.

251. Over the threshold.

252. Ah, look at this— a chair, a nice drawer.

253. Look what's over here— a bed.

254. Oh, honey, wait. Slow down.

255. This is our wedding night.

256. I know. I know, but...

257. We only got 18 hours left before checkout.

258. These damn buttons. You got some scissors, girl?

259. Will, please. Now, come on.

260. Just give me a minute.

261. I want to put something special on for you.

262. And I promise

263. it'll be worth the wait.

264. Trust me.

265. Hey.

266. do you like it?

267. Wow.

268. I love it. Alright. Now, take it off.

269. Oh, honey.

270. Will, we're married.

271. I'm so happy.

272. And I'm going to make you happy, too.

273. Okey-doke.

274. Girl, be gentle.

275. Honey, I meant for the rest of our lives.

276. I'm going to be a good wife, will,

277. because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

278. Don't you?

279. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, baby. Let's get naked.

280. This thing open from the back or the front?

281. Oh, will...

282. There's something I want to give to you.

283. What a coincidence,

284. 'cause there's something I want to give you, too.

285. This.

286. It belonged to my great-grandfather,

287. and now I want you to have it.

288. Oh, thanks. A little box.

289. No, you didn't even open it, silly.

290. Here.

291. My great-grandmother gave it to him on their wedding night.

292. Grandma gave it to grampie,

293. mama gave it to daddy,

294. and now I'm giving it to you.

295. My parents are going to kill me

296. when they find out what we've done, but...

297. But I don't care.

298. Will, I'm proud that you're part of my family now,

299. because you're decent and honest.

300. Baby, I trust you,

301. and I know that you will love me and cherish me

302. as long as we both shall live.

303. Now, take me.

304. Oh, damn.

305. Alright, alright.

306. Alright, look, check it out.

307. Look here.

308. I'll be right back, baby.

309. Where are you going?

310. Um, I mean, look,

311. you—you gave me grampie's watch and everything.

312. I ain't got nothing for you,

313. so I got to go get you something.

314. Sorry, grampie.

315. You know, my child,

316. I've never known the pleasures of the flesh.

317. I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.

318. You know, my child,

319. I've never known the pleasures of the flesh.

320. I could be convinced—

321. excuse me, father. Could I rap to you?

322. Don't go away, baby.

323. Bartender, another old English for the lady.

324. It's a fashion risk, but I like it.

325. Jazz, sit down.

326. I can't believe you talked me into this, man.

327. I feel awful.

328. Will, a naked, willing female is in your room.

329. Stop me when I get to the awful part.

330. I don't have a right to treat her like this.

331. Will, that's enough.

332. Get a bottle of whiskey, liquor that girl up,

333. and take advantage of her. Be a man, for God's sake.

334. I'm sorry, man. I got to tell her the truth.

335. Maybe you're right.

336. Perhaps we've both been a little remiss

337. in our treatment of women.

338. You think?

339. Yeah.

340. You inspire me, prince.

341. From now on, I, too, will be completely honest

342. in my dealings with the fair sex.

343. My man.

344. You know, my child,

345. I've never known the pleasures of the flesh.

346. I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.

347. Honey, where have you—

348. Monique, this is going to be hard enough as it is,

349. so please just let me do the talking.

350. Um, I know you respect honesty in a man,

351. so I'm going to be honest.

352. Monique, I just wanted to get you into bed,

353. so I tricked you.

354. The whole ceremony was a fake,

355. and we're not really married.

356. Monique, look, I'm sorry,

357. and I know what I did was wrong,

358. and, Monique, I really care about you.

359. I'm sorry.

360. Monique, um...

361. I mean, the room is paid for and everything,

362. so, you know, I was just hoping maybe—

363. So could you just come and get me, Uncle Phil.

364. Your Mercedes?

365. Oh, well— well, yeah.

366. No, w—well, see actually, yeah, yeah

367. yeah, I did borrow it.

368. Well, but you know it's—it's—it's not here right now.

369. Well, to be honest my wife took it.

370. All I can overhear

371. were the words Mercedes, wife and Monique

372. and then dad ran out of the house.

373. Well, I think it's obvious what happened.

374. Will and Monique stole a Mercedes

375. and ran over somebody's wife.

376. Carlton, that's ridiculous.

377. Obviously will has been seeing a woman named Mercedes

378. Monique found out...

379. And I'm still working on the wife part.

380. Well, I think will married Monique just to get her into bed

381. and when she found out she got so mad she took off in dad's Mercedes.

382. Get real. Yeah right.

383. I still can't believe that you could do something so despicable.

384. I mean, marrying Monique just to get in bed.

385. Even I don't believe it.

386. I can't imagine what kind of excuse you could come up with.

387. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

388. Nothing.

389. It's shameful, Uncle Phil.

390. I mean, here you are,

391. busting your hump trying to impart values

392. and teach basic human decency,

393. and I turn around and do some mess like this.

394. I—I just don't get it, will.

395. I mean...

396. What is going on in that head of yours?

397. I don't know, Uncle Phil.

398. I'm out of control.

399. Please stop me before I disobey again.

400. Don't you ever stop to think

401. before you do these disgusting things?

402. Of course I do, Uncle Phil.

403. You think I like being the way I am?

404. I'm a victim.

405. I'm a victim of my imagination.

406. Help me.

407. Well, alright,

408. since you put it that way.

409. I'm not going to punish you, will.

410. That's radical, Uncle Phil,

411. but it just might work.

412. I'm not going to punish you today.

413. Maybe not even tomorrow.

414. You see, I need to think a long time

415. about just what I'm going to do with you.

416. I don't know. It might come to me...

417. In the middle of the night...

418. Or maybe next week,

419. a few years from now.

420. In the meantime,

421. why don't you worry about it?

422. Be afraid, will.

423. Be very afraid.

424. Ha!

425. I've got it!

426. Will!

427. I want to put something special on for you.

428. It'll be worth the wait. Trust me.

429. I got that effect on women, you know.