The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 3x16

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Marjean Holden as Shantay • DeVaughn Nixon as Shaquille • Naya Rivera as Cindy • Tom Williams as Baby (voice) • Ramon Choyce as Barkley

As Vivian's delivery date approaches, the family fantasizes about what the baby will mean to each of them: Ashley feels all but invisible, Geoffrey feels overwhelmed by the family's demands, and Vivian feels like she's having triplets.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. You know, I used to think

2. the only reason to kill was self-defense,

3. but I just spent 45 minutes in the Volvo with another reason.

4. What's wrong with him?

5. This idiot is taking a mime class.

6. Carlton, get away—

7. I swear to God, get away from me with it.

8. Stop playing, car—

9. stop, or I'll hang you with that rope!

10. Alright, that's it! That's it!

11. I was going to throw him out on the freeway,

12. but you know the old saying—

13. "a mime is a terrible thing to waste."

14. now we are entering the kitchen.

15. This is where we eat...

16. Some of us more than others.

17. This is your mom here.

18. She look like she eating for a couple brothers herself.

19. What are you doing?

20. Making a tape for the coming attraction.

21. I was going to knit some booties,

22. but I had to get yarn and needles.

23. I'd have had to learn how to knit.

24. Uncle Phil, the concept is to aesthetically capture

25. for posterity

26. the sounds that are familiar to this house.

27. Will, I'm eating.

28. You'll hear a lot of that.

29. You're grounded.

30. Okay, that about sums up Uncle Phil.

31. Yo, g., what sound do you think

32. accurately depicts your position in the family?

33. You're sick. See a therapist.

34. Hey, Ashley, say something to the baby.

35. Plfff.

36. Care to elaborate?

37. A lot.

38. Don't feel bad. She just mad

39. 'cause she found out she ain't adopted.

40. So mom's having a baby. Big deal.

41. I bet you didn't go through all this for me.

42. You probably smoked cigarettes and rode horseback.

43. Ashley, we prepared for you and took the same precautions

44. as we did for hilary and Carlton.

45. Ah... Bungee jumping.

46. Philip, the baby's moving. Feel my stomach.

47. I move all the time. Let's have a party.

48. All you do is talk about the baby—

49. the baby's clothes, the baby's room, baby, baby, baby.

50. You'll forget about me after you have it.

51. I can see it coming.

52. How's my little baby sister?

53. Good morning, Geoffrey.

54. Morning, everybody.

55. Geoffrey, my place isn't set,

56. and where's my food?

57. Oh, hey, let me feed my favorite little cousin.

58. My turn.

59. I thought I was your favorite cousin.

60. Do I have to spit up on your shirt?

61. Shh. Shh.

62. Y'all hear something?

63. How about me screaming at the top of my lungs?

64. Aah!

65. Guess not. I be tripping, boy.

66. Tripping.

67. Daddy.

68. There's my favorite little girl.

69. Daddy, don't you remember me?

70. It's me Ashley.

71. Coochie-coochie coo.

72. Oh, she's so precious.

73. You know, she reminds me of someone.

74. That little girl that used to hang out around here?

75. Pretty little thing. Black hair.

76. Amanda. Ashley.

77. Or was it Anna?

78. No, Ashley.

79. I'm pretty sure it was apollonia.

80. No, it was Ashley!

81. Hold up. Was it, um, Ashley?

82. Yes! Yeah.

83. Nah. No.

84. That's a stupid name anyway.

85. Ashley, honey, your father and I

86. have always been here, and we will always make time for you.

87. It will help your ratings.

88. I don't want to hear about it anymore.

89. Here come your elder siblings— dopey and greedy.

90. I will not plug your stupid school play on my weather spot

91. today, tomorrow, or ever.

92. For your information,

93. brigadoon is a classic musical comedy.

94. No, man, for my money,

95. classic musical comedy? Milli vanilli.

96. Think about it.

97. Hilary's special because she's the oldest.

98. Carlton's the only boy. I was the baby,

99. but who am I now?

100. The whiner.

101. Look, lighten up, Ashley.

102. We all have our burdens to bear.

103. When the new banks arrives,

104. dad's going to have to update his will.

105. That's another slice of the pie I won't be getting.

106. What about my needs? What about—

107. shut up, Carlton.

108. Good call.

109. I can't wait till the new baby's born.

110. Then I can do those special things big sisters do.

111. Like taking me up to the attic window

112. and telling me I could fly?

113. Or telling me it was okay to roller-skate down the steps?

114. Judging by your lovely brothers and sisters,

115. you'll need an insurance policy before you're potty trained.

116. I had a hand in raising you.

117. I'll be a positive influence on the new baby.

118. You just wait and see.

119. Hilary, baby, you're 30 years old.

120. Don't you think it's about time you moved out on your own?

121. That is so unfair.

122. Mom's 50 years old, and you haven't pushed her out the door.

123. Why do I even bother?

124. Cindy!

125. Aren't you forgetting something, baby sister?

126. You're prettier than I'll ever be?

127. Something else.

128. Ah! Good.

129. Now, I'm feeling a little warm.

130. So, tell me about your day at school

131. and move a little to the left.

132. Miss Randolph gave a pop quiz, and I—

133. do you like my outfit?

134. It's real pretty.

135. Hilary, my arm is starting to hurt.

136. Oh, you poor baby.

137. Use the other arm.

138. Maybe you should start lifting weights.

139. Anyway, go on with your story.

140. Well, myra Walker brought a hamster to class

141. for show and tell—

142. should I color my hair?

143. No. It's beautiful.

144. It is, isn't it?

145. Oh!

146. Guess what?

147. I have a little surprise for you.

148. Ta-da!

149. Oh, goody! A shoeshine kit!

150. I know I spoil you,

151. but I just couldn't resist.

152. Do you like my shoes?

153. They're great.

154. Well, you know,

155. they'd be even better if they were shiny.

156. Can't I put the fan down first?

157. This time. It is your birthday,

158. but don't make a habit of it.

159. A spit Polish.

160. I meant on the shoes.

161. Maybe I'd just be better off being invisible.

162. Oh, I'm sorry, what you say, ash?

163. Hold there, home fry.

164. Say a little something to spud.

165. Hey, little bro, piece of advice—

166. don't lend will a penny, even if he begs,

167. and he will.

168. That's your brother Carlton. You'll recognize him.

169. He's the one at eye level.

170. Hello. Oh, hello, Dr. Graham.

171. Yes, this is Philip banks.

172. Oh, fine, fine. Thank you, and how are you?

173. Uh, unusual?

174. I see. I see.

175. Are you sure?

176. O.K., I'll—I'll tell her right away.

177. Thank you.

178. Thank you, doctor.

179. Vivian, you better sit down.

180. I am sitting down.

181. Philip, is there something wrong with the baby?

182. No. That was the doctor.

183. He said that he thinks we're having twins.

184. Twins! Oh, my God!

185. Oh, two buns! Two buns!

186. Come on, daddy. Daddy?

187. Philip, honey.

188. I got it. Look out.

189. What happened?

190. Come on, get him up. Get him up.

191. I remember something about twins.

192. Then I had this incredible urge for a sausage.

193. The doctor called, but there must be some mistake.

194. I couldn't be having twins.

195. Well, we'll have to split the inheritance four ways,

196. thanks to forget-the-pill Phil.

197. Is that all you think about?

198. Pretty much.

199. I don't know about y'all.

200. I'm excited we having twins.

201. Now you can finally have the son you always wanted.

202. Well, they already have me.

203. Now you can finally have the son you always wanted.

204. Hello.

205. Oh, yes, doctor.

206. Well, you know, I figured there must be some mistake.

207. I couldn't possibly be having twins.

208. Triplets?

209. That's right, Mrs. banks.

210. You'll be having three little ones,

211. so I suggest a lot more help,

212. preferably a young nanny, amply endowed

213. with no inhibitions.

214. Ahem.

215. Oh, hello.

216. Might I get you anything?

217. An explanation.

218. Mid-life crisis?

219. Geoffrey, why did you do it?

220. I'm terribly sorry, madam.

221. It was just the thought of one more person

222. to clean up after

223. was more than I could bear.

224. This baby is everyone's responsibility.

225. We will not leave you with all the work.

226. He's messing up constantly.

227. Geoffrey, I told you I wanted tomatoes in my omelet.

228. Geoffrey, I need some sliced cucumbers for my eyelids.

229. G., the phone's ringing.

230. Geoffrey, you did my homework all wrong.

231. Do it again.

232. Master William, would you go change the baby?

233. I'm trying to do 10 things at once.

234. No can do. I'm about to go shoot some hoops.

235. Spit shine my kicks for me, though.

236. Oh, for heaven's sake! I'll get it!

237. Hello.

238. Oh, hi, daddy.

239. Geoffrey is so lazy.

240. So, how's Jamaica?

241. What you buy me?

242. Oh! Great, great!

243. Okay. Well, we'll see you soon. Bye.

244. Well, what did your father say?

245. For God's sake, when are they coming back?

246. They'll be home in time for graduation.

247. Thank heavens.

248. The baby's.

249. They figure you can handle things until then.

250. G., if you don't hurry up with my kicks,

251. I'm going to split your wig.

252. I want a new omelet.

253. Homework. Cucumbers.

254. I'm asking for some help.

255. Calgon, take me away.

256. Geoffrey, you're exaggerating.

257. And you're lying through your bonded teeth.

258. Well, that's Geoffrey.

259. He pretends he doesn't like the family,

260. but deep down inside, he really hates us.

261. That's not true.

262. I can tolerate miss Ashley.

263. I can't wait to start my own family.

264. I want to have a whole bunch of kids, like, six.

265. I'll have them one right after another.

266. Will, we're talking about kids, not malt liquor.

267. Carlton, why don't you shut up

268. before we send you back to that white family

269. that dropped you off on the doorstep?

270. I don't know if I want to have kids.

271. Why not?

272. I told you, I don't know.

273. Hilary, honey, you're going to change your mind.

274. Having kids makes life worthwhile.

275. Boy, I just can't wait.

276. I'm going to have the perfect life

277. with the perfect wife and the perfect kids.

278. Just perfect.

279. Honey, I'm home!

280. Hi, dear.

281. Did you have a tough day shooting the naked centerfolds?

282. Yeah, baby, it was hell.

283. Today we shot LA toya Jackson.

284. I had to keep turning the lights off 'cause she was melting.

285. You poor baby.

286. Why don't you glue yourself to the television set,

287. completely ignore me,

288. and play Nintendo until you're too tired to make love.

289. You don't mind?

290. Have I ever?

291. I'm perfect.

292. Hello, father.

293. Hey, Shaquille, barkley, Jordan!

294. Okay, forget about that. Check it out.

295. Why don't we go shoot some hoops?

296. What are hoops?

297. He's referring to that sport

298. where a spherical object

299. is thrown into a round receptacle

300. at opposite ends of a court.

301. You watch your mouth.

302. Forget basketball. Come here.

303. What do y'all say we sneak and get some candy before dinner?

304. That would spoil our appetite,

305. and tonight we're having liver.

306. Yay! Yay! Yay!

307. Yay! Yay! Yay!

308. Shantay!

309. Don't do that!

310. I'm sorry, dear.

311. Did you want something?

312. Yes.

313. I'd like to know what pods these kids came from.

314. Actually, father, we came from a zygote.

315. You see, in human reproduction—

316. aw, knock it off.

317. Ever since you won that nobel prize,

318. you think you're so doggone smart.

319. Honey, you seem tense.

320. I am tense. Everybody all perfect, baby.

321. Why don't I send the children away

322. and dress up in that French maid's uniform

323. and give you a nice hot-oil massage?

324. You, you, you!

325. Why must everything always be about you?

326. What about my needs?

327. I'm sorry, honey.

328. What do you want?

329. I want a girl with extensions in her hair

330. and bamboo earrings, at least two pair.

331. I want kids that pick their noses sometimes

332. and roll me when I'm drunk.

333. I want a dirty house.

334. No! I want a dirty house!

335. I want to argue in public, you know?

336. I want you to have a headache sometime.

337. I want a regular life. I want a regular marriage!

338. Sweetheart, you seem upset.

339. Let's all give daddy a great big hug.

340. No!

341. No!

342. No!

343. See, will, I told you this baby thing

344. was a lousy idea.

345. Kids aren't all they're cracked up to be.

346. I know. I used to be one.

347. Stop it, all of you.

348. I cannot wait for this baby to arrive.

349. That's not just because I'm retaining more water than the hoover dam.

350. We're not going to forget you when the baby comes.

351. This will bring us all closer together.

352. That's true. Look at us now.

353. The last time we sat around like this

354. was when they reran roots.

355. Maybe you guys are right.

356. We shouldn't be so selfish and think about ourselves

357. all the time... Geoffrey.

358. Well, I guess I don't mind

359. sharing my inheritance with the baby.

360. We're not dead yet, Carlton.

361. Hey, it's a cruel world, big guy.

362. You won't be in it forever.

363. Come on, now. Let's not spoil the mood.

364. Let's go to dinner, huh?

365. Yeah. Okay.

366. You, too, Geoffrey.

367. Zippedy!

368. And might I add do-dah?

369. Maybe this will be a good idea.

370. I'll grab my sweater.

371. I don't feel good.

372. Forget it, hilary. You're coming.

373. Okay, but I'm not sitting between you and the dessert cart.

374. Last time, I almost lost an eye.

375. Okay, so where we going?

376. I say Snuffy's catfish and biscuits.

377. Why don't we just go eat out of a dumpster?

378. Come on. Let's decide in the car.

379. How about Haitian? Let's get some Haitian food.

380. I'm ready!

381. Hey, you know, I'm feeling really silly

382. about that invisible stuff.

383. Where'd everybody go?

384. Hey! No!

385. Hey, wait for me!

386. Oh, God!

387. All those big nasty women you be bringing up in here,

388. Uncle Phil knows.

389. He knows what you do, Geoffrey.

390. I'm asking you to just do my sneaks.

391. I wanna go. Meet some girls. I gotta look cute.

392. If I have dirty sneaks,

393. other guys will get the girls.

394. I'm just asking to have some clean sneaks.

395. So, Geoffrey, straighten your act up...

396. Get the cucumbers.

397. Calgon! Take me away!