The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 3x10

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Bobby McGee as Tommy • Brian Stokes Mitchell as Trevor • Sherman Hemsley as Judge Carl Robertson • Barbara Montgomery as Woman #1 • William Hubbard Knight as Funeral Offical

Election results are in and Philip fights to remain cool amid lies by Judge Robertson, which prompt Will to confront the outspoken incumbent. Will Will go to far? Will he say what everyone is feeling? Will Judge Robertson be able to take it?

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I figured it out will. I'm gonna get dad what he always wanted.

2. What? A pizza hut in the garage.

3. Better. I'm gonna clinch the election by getting

4. an influential person to endorse him.

5. Watch and learn.

6. Hello, is president bush there?

7. Carlton... Carlton banks.

8. It's personal.

9. Carlton, are you by any chance an idiot?

10. Not available?

11. Perhaps you should let George know that

12. his alternate assistant treasurer to the bel-air junior Republicans.

13. I'm in a position to scratch his back,

14. if he'll scratch mine. Capisce?

15. Hello?

16. Hey, g, uh.. Did you bring the mail in yet?

17. No. I've been saving that genteel pleasure to calm myself.

18. Lest I get too giddy from scrubbing the John

19. You know, you really need a woman G.

20. What's a woman?

21. I'll get the mail.

22. Geoffrey. Sir.

23. Daddy, you know I love you

24. and would do anything for you, right?

25. How much do you want?

26. No. I'm—well, $100,

27. but I meant the election.

28. For me to vote for you,

29. I need to know where you stand on the issues.

30. I'm against plea-bargaining and—

31. where do you stand on a woman's right

32. to choose the restaurant?

33. I think we should leave that up to the supreme court.

34. I think you're being really unreasonable.

35. Tough. I don't care if it is chaperoned,

36. you cannot go to ensenada with macauley culkin.

37. Hey, hey! Mail call!

38. For you, self magazine...

39. Shape magazine...

40. And sassy magazine.

41. And for you, sir,

42. elf magazine...

43. Ape magazine...

44. And sissy magazine.

45. And for you, sir,

46. the bill for self, shape,

47. and the bill for sassy magazine.

48. Uncle Phil, they doggin' you.

49. What? Let me see that.

50. "Defeat Philip banks,

51. "the criminal's choice for superior court judge.

52. "Banks wants to empty the prisons,

53. "fill our streets with hoodlums,

54. "and run a bookmaking operation

55. "out of his chambers.

56. Vote robertson for superior court judge."

57. But, dad, aren't some of those lies?

58. Carlton, honey, they're all lies.

59. How can they do that?

60. They know it's too late to sue for a retraction.

61. There's still time to fight back.

62. I won't fight back.

63. What? What?

64. If I sink to their level, I'm as bad as they are.

65. Uncle Phil, let me tell you a little story.

66. Oh, no.

67. Once upon a time,

68. there was this young boy from Philly.

69. Right next to him lived this pretty honey.

70. He loved her wholeheartedly.

71. Aw...

72. Amen, sister.

73. But see, on the other side of that girl

74. lived this little filthy mcrotten dude,

75. and he wanted her just for her body.

76. One day, the two dudes was about to fight.

77. The girl came out and said, "flip a coin.

78. The winner's my boyfriend,"

79. so the nasty dude reached into his pocket,

80. calls heads, flips the coin—

81. the nice guy lost the toss

82. and the girl, and it broke his heart.

83. You know why he lost?

84. Why?

85. The nasty dude cheated.

86. He had a two-headed coin.

87. Mmm...

88. The nice guy didn't get the girl.

89. So this story's about you, isn't it, will?

90. That's right, Uncle Phil.

91. And to this day,

92. I thank God I had my two-headed coin

93. 'cause that girl was smoking.

94. The poll results are in.

95. Let's see who won.

96. And the race for superior court judge

97. is neck and neck.

98. Robertson and banks

99. are both polling 36%.

100. At this point, anything could tip the balance.

101. More after this.

102. Banks gets into office,

103. we won't have to hide anymore.

104. The city's ours!

105. Unlike my opponent,

106. I don't think crime should pay.

107. I say throw the bums in jail.

108. Over the last 20 years,

109. judge robertson has thrown over 6,000 bums in jail.

110. Philip banks—none.

111. Criminals support Philip banks.

112. Should you?

113. Throw the bums in jail.

114. Say, "Philip banks, no, thanks!"

115. On election day.

116. Oh.

117. Oh...

118. Uncle Phil, you got to kick that man's butt!

119. Oh, he, like, begging.

120. He, like, "oh, Philip banks, kick my butt."

121. Philip banks, kick the man's butt.

122. I can't.

123. I'm running an honest campaign.

124. That man's evil and senile.

125. Fight fire with fire.

126. It goes against my principles.

127. What's your point?

128. I've made my decision.

129. I'm going to base my campaign on the issues,

130. not the dirt.

131. I trust L.A. will have faith in me.

132. With over 90% of the districts reporting,

133. judge robertson

134. has overwhelmingly defeated Philip banks.

135. I hate L.A.

136. And there's the loser now!

137. Let's listen in

138. as he makes his concession speech.

139. Everyone, I want to thank you for your support.

140. We put up a good fight,

141. and, well, it was just an unfortunate set

142. of circumstances that—

143. hey, hey, hey, hey!

144. You don't have to shove! We got two exits!

145. Uh, Mr.--Mr. banks,

146. not in recent memory

147. has someone managed to lose a race

148. by such a large margin

149. and so darn quickly.

150. Uh, how does it feel?

151. Once, as a kid, I zipped my pants too fast.

152. Let's just say this brings back old memories.

153. Ouch.

154. On a brighter note,

155. I see you've brought your lovely family,

156. including your daughter,

157. kfpb weather personality

158. hilary banks.

159. Hilary, you've just seen your father suffer

160. a humiliating defeat.

161. So tell me,

162. are you free for dinner tonight?

163. Look, my father just lost an election.

164. I mean, I'm not totally insensitive.

165. How about tomorrow?

166. Great.

167. Ahem.

168. Well, from the banks' headquarters,

169. this is Trevor Collins...

170. Feeling pretty good.

171. Now, everybody, put on your best faces.

172. It's time to give the Victor his due.

173. Hey, Uncle Phil, I got your back.

174. Well, I got, like, half your back 'cause your back is like...

175. Whoo!

176. Want some candy, little girl?

177. Come here.

178. Judge robertson, to what do you attribute

179. your re-election?

180. To getting more votes than the other guy.

181. Why did you get more votes?

182. Why didn't you say so, Connie?

183. You see, all the credit

184. goes to my campaign workers,

185. who brought me up when I was down.

186. Judge robertson.

187. Well, who do we have here?

188. Carl—

189. I thought I was Carl.

190. Ha ha ha!

191. I just want to congratulate you

192. on a campaign well fought.

193. Coming from you, Carl, that means a lot.

194. I'm Philip.

195. And I am the walrus.

196. Coo coo ca choo!

197. Let's get the hell out of here.

198. That was fun.

199. There goes Philip banks,

200. the biggest sap that ever lived.

201. What a stooge!

202. Ha ha ha ha!

203. Excuse me?

204. You heard me.

205. He's a sap. A dope. A loser.

206. He never had what it takes and never will. Right?

207. Uh-huh.

208. Mm-hmm.

209. I think you should take that back, man.

210. Oh, you do? Yeah, I do.

211. Well, I think you should run along and play

212. and don't get involved in politics.

213. At least my Uncle stands for something.

214. Oh, really? And what would that be?

215. A buffet?

216. My Uncle fights for what he believes in.

217. Ooh! Shame on me!

218. He's three times the man you'll ever be.

219. He's got my vote.

220. Everything you said in your campaign was a lie.

221. You have no integrity, no decency,

222. and you—you're really, really short.

223. And if you don't like it, man,

224. you can drop dead.

225. Uh!

226. Oh, my God!

227. He's dead.

228. If I told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?

229. Aah!

230. How you doing, baby?

231. Oh, I just feel so guilty.

232. You got to stop blaming yourself.

233. He wasn't a young man. He didn't take care of himself.

234. You heard what the doctor said.

235. I know, aunt viv.

236. If I could just forget it

237. just clear my mind for one minute—

238. you really knocked 'em dead the other night, huh?

239. Don't get him mad, mom.

240. You don't want to make him raise his voice.

241. Carlton, take out the trash, honey.

242. I did it last week. It's the Terminator's turn.

243. Dan quayle, please.

244. I'll hold.

245. Carlton, why are you calling Dan quayle?

246. Simple. Thanks to the grim reaper

247. and judge robertson dying,

248. the governor has to appoint someone.

249. The right endorsement could swing it to dad.

250. Yeah. Carlton banks.

251. That's b-a-n-k-s.

252. No "e."

253. Uh, that—that was a joke, ma'am.

254. Hello?

255. The phone's dead.

256. Will.

257. Carlton, man, I am not a killer!

258. Aah!

259. Ha ha ha ha!

260. That's not funny.

261. That's not funny.

262. Ashley, you know I'd never hurt you, right?

263. I know. I know.

264. Hilary, you know I'd never—

265. hurt a fly. We know.

266. Look, will, you're taking this way too seriously.

267. It's not like you got a bad haircut.

268. Look, I think I know how to help will.

269. This calls for tough love.

270. We've got to draw him out. Gotta bait him, confront him.

271. Attack him until he defends himself.

272. Only then will he start to feel better.

273. I don't know, Carlton.

274. Look, just follow my lead.

275. Will, you should be ashamed of yourself!

276. How could you do such a thing?

277. I hope you never get mad at me.

278. Why y'all screaming at me?

279. I was minding my damn business

280. eating some fruit.

281. Well, I could be wrong.

282. You won't believe this.

283. They want me to give the eulogy at judge robertson's funeral.

284. You're kidding.

285. I hate to speak ill of the dead,

286. but if that little man hadn't died, I'd kill him myself.

287. Who's up for Chinese food?

288. I'm going to give the eulogy, Vivian.

289. Daddy, no!

290. I know Carl changed over the years,

291. but the man was my mentor.

292. Now, I'm going to the funeral.

293. You're all going with me.

294. Philip, any chance of getting those flowers

295. after the funeral?

296. Sit down, Vivian.

297. I'd like to welcome you to the memorial

298. for... Carl robertson.

299. Saying a few words

300. on behalf of the departed

301. will be Philip banks.

302. Vivian, where's my speech?

303. It's on the kitchen counter.

304. Oh! I'm sorry, Philip.

305. Oh...

306. Ahem.

307. What can you say about judge Carl robertson?

308. What, indeed?

309. He was a judge.

310. A judge named Carl.

311. But he was more—

312. so much more.

313. Carl Roberts—

314. oh!

315. He wasn't a very heavy man.

316. Uh...

317. Look, I'm—I'm probably the wrong person

318. to be up here.

319. I mean, I just got finished losing an election to the man

320. he used every dirty trick,

321. so I'd like to invite someone

322. with an especially warm memory

323. of Carl robertson to share it with us.

324. Anyone with a... Somewhat fond memory

325. of Carl robertson?

326. Anybody with any recollection of him at all?

327. Ah! Yes.

328. The jerk gave me six months

329. for a crime I didn't commit.

330. I'm just here to make sure he dead.

331. Thank you.

332. Yes?

333. Um, he hired me to replant his garden.

334. When it came time for him to pay me,

335. he called immigration on me.

336. Gracias.

337. Yes?

338. I knew Carl biblically.

339. Oh! Oh, please.

340. Oh! Sorry.

341. With him, it was just a bunch of sex

342. all the time, like dating thumper.

343. Never felt I really got to know him.

344. Never felt he cared about my needs.

345. Uh, you were his wife?

346. His mistress.

347. O.K.

348. For 20 years.

349. Longest years of my life.

350. You don't have

351. any pleasant memories at all of him?

352. Mmm... Well...

353. No.

354. The man's idea of sweet talk

355. was, "when are you going to bring your sister around?"

356. Oh...

357. Mm-hmm.

358. Well, thank you for sharing.

359. Whoa, hold up here a minute.

360. I'm sorry, Uncle Phil.

361. A man is dead here, people.

362. Did he not feel pain when he was hurt?

363. Did he not shiver when he was cold?

364. Did he not dream?

365. I mean, he was only human,

366. but, yes, he was human.

367. I fail to believe

368. that the world can profit

369. from a man's death.

370. I think you should be ashamed of yourselves.

371. And who are you?

372. I'm the dude that killed him.

373. Bravo!

374. Bravo!

375. Whoo!

376. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

377. Tough room.

378. Yeah.

379. Aah!

380. Carl, you're just wasting your time.

381. Ye, of little faith.

382. I'm about to get the endorsement

383. that'll lock up dad's appointment.

384. Hello, is vanna there?

385. I think heaven is this wonderful place

386. where all the people are good-looking

387. and you never have to wait for a table,

388. and hell is, like, the valley.

389. What do you think, daddy?

390. I think we're lucky hilary has a job.

391. Thanks, daddy.

392. To me, Heaven has to be

393. a cross between a Sir Mix-a-Lot video

394. and Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.

395. It's, like, I can have a leg in one hand

396. and a breast in the other.

397. So, what do you think, g.?

398. I think I must have been very bad

399. in a previous life.

400. I don't know why

401. people are so down on funerals.

402. Banks residence.

403. For you, sir.

404. Oh, thank you, Geoffrey.

405. Yes?

406. Uh, yes, governor.

407. Yes, it was unfortunate.

408. Why, of course, sir, yes.

409. It's an honor. Thank you, sir.

410. Yes.

411. Well, what was all that?

412. The governor just appointed me

413. to judge robertson's seat!

414. Yay! Yay! Yay!

415. Whoo! Yes!

416. You're the man!

417. Yes! Yes!

418. Oh!

419. This calls for champagne.

420. Yay!

421. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

422. Could I get it for you?

423. Why y'all screaming at me?

424. I was just minding my damn business

425. eating some fruit.

426. Well, I can be wrong.