The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 3x1

Directed by Shelley Jensen

Kevin Cooney as Whitey • Casey Sander as Fred • DJ Jazzy Jeff as Jazz • Minnie Summers Lindsey as Woman • Terrence O'Connor as Norma

Will returns home from spending the summer in Philadelphia with a new look that doesn't sit well with Uncle Phil.

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1. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

2. Oh, a little lower Geoffrey.

3. Geoffrey?

4. Oh, hi honey, it's you.

5. Uh, huh.

6. The kids aren't back from the airport with will yet.

7. In that case, I have an idea.

8. Ooh! Take no prisoners, daddy.

9. Speaking of prisoners,

10. let's talk about will.

11. Maybe bel-air prep isn't right for him.

12. Maybe he'd get more from a different environment.

13. So could we. Race you to the jacuzzi.

14. Now, now, wait. I found a school

15. that's a little further away than we're used to.

16. How much further?

17. Switzerland.

18. Now that that's settled,

19. I'll go fire up the jacuzzi.

20. Back it up.

21. How could you suggest shipping will off to boarding school?

22. O.K., o.K., I'm sorry.

23. You're absolutely right. Will's a great kid.

24. I've even grown to sort of...

25. Anyway, I'm sorry I even mentioned Switzerland.

26. O.K.

27. You're forgiven.

28. Thank you.

29. Would you consider Great Britain?

30. Well, a man can dream, can't he?

31. Sorry. It's just that it's been so peaceful here

32. since will's been in Philly.

33. Boarding school's not so bad, is it, Geoffrey?

34. Geoffrey went to boarding school. Tell her, Geoffrey.

35. Madam, I went to boarding school.

36. And then I went to therapy.

37. Who asked you? Get my lunch.

38. Right away, sir.

39. The man has a tapeworm.

40. Philip, when will gets here,

41. please be nice.

42. Otherwise, you're going to be bunking with Mr. couch.

43. Woman, please.

44. Do you think you could manipulate me with sex?

45. Does James brown have a perm?

46. Oh, lord, I don't know

47. whether to dive under the table

48. or do the running man.

49. G!

50. Master William!

51. Uncle phee.

52. Will, it's so nice to have you home.

53. hey, Uncle Phil, you look great.

54. You look like you lost some...

55. Hair.

56. Looks like the whole Jackson family

57. could live in those pants.

58. That's how all brothers are dressed in Philly.

59. No wonder Willie Williams moved to L.A.

60. Carlton, honey, what happened?

61. Will told everyone at the airport

62. I was Bryant gumbel.

63. Hey, uh... I thought I'd get my luggage faster.

64. Poor baby. What did they do, mob you for autographs?

65. No. Five old ladies attacked me

66. for being mean to Willard.

67. It was worth it. We got the luggage.

68. Mah sistah!

69. Daddy, I need $500.

70. Will!

71. Hil!

72. Daddy, I need $500.

73. You should really consider expanding your vocabulary.

74. Hilary, honey, if it's for the barbecue

75. we're catering this afternoon, we've paid you.

76. It's not for the barbecue.

77. I just want $500.

78. Come on, please. At least kiss him first.

79. What is that?

80. Oh, that would be...

81. Ieisha.

82. Oh, no.

83. You're right, Uncle Phil. Wrong area code.

84. That would be Stacy.

85. Vivian, tell me that's not a beeper.

86. Can I have one, daddy?

87. When Jesse Jackson gets a job.

88. There'll be no beepers worn in this house.

89. Mom let me wear it in Philly.

90. She's your mother, and she loves you.

91. I'm your Uncle. I just try not to hurt you.

92. I need to keep in touch with my tastees, you know?

93. I beg your pardon?

94. His tastees, daddy.

95. You know, his chubbies, his slimmies, his old ladies?

96. And who are you—

97. queen latifah?

98. Look. See, look.

99. Just think of it as honey's on my hip.

100. It's like, I need to keep in touch with my squals

101. see, otherwise they get all frazzled and..

102. You know how it is, right, Uncle Phil?

103. No, I do not.

104. That's 'cause you only got one squall

105. and you'll never go nowhere.

106. Well, this one squall says

107. take your behind upstairs

108. change and no beeper.

109. And, Philip how come we don't never go nowhere.

110. Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on.

111. What about my freedom to express myself.

112. Will, back off.

113. The big fat vein in his head is starting to throb.

114. Yeah, and he hasn't given me my money yet.

115. Come on, hil, we're cool.

116. Heat ain't really serious till his right eye start twitching.

117. Okay.

118. And if you go with our firm,

119. it'll be your best decision.

120. Enough business, Mr. and Mrs. kornfeld.

121. Please, enjoy the party.

122. Thank you. Call me Norma.

123. You can call me whitey.

124. I think not.

125. Everyone does, on account of my white hair.

126. Oh, the white hair. Yes.

127. Hello. Welcome to our home.

128. I'm Vivian, Philip's wife.

129. Hello.

130. Vivian, say hi to whitey.

131. Hello, whitey.

132. Philip, why am I calling that man whitey?

133. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, mommy and daddy.

134. Oh, look, it's the entertainment!

135. Well,

136. I think this is our youngest daughter Ashley.

137. She just had a brain operation.

138. Her head's a little swollen,

139. hence the hat.

140. Huh?

141. Very good, honey.

142. Ashley, what are you wearing?

143. Will got it for me in Philly. Ain't it fly?

144. Switzerland, Vivian.

145. Not far enough, Philip.

146. Ashley, go upstairs and change right now.

147. But I like it.

148. If I don't wear it, it'll hurt will's feelings.

149. Wear it, you'll never see 18.

150. I never liked will anyway.

151. Will, you must change.

152. Carlton, you must grow.

153. You better change before dad sees you.

154. I'm making a statement.

155. What statement— I'm out on parole?

156. Will, get away from the buffet table.

157. Your jail suit is scaring the people away.

158. With all due respect, hilary,

159. it's not will's fault.

160. It's... How shall I put this?

161. The food sucks.

162. What are you talking about? It looks good to me.

163. Uh-oh.

164. The pepper's moving.

165. That's the last time I buy Sushi

166. out of the trunk of a car.

167. Tuna roll?

168. Will, take off those clothes.

169. I would, but I wouldn't want to make your guests jealous.

170. These are very important clients.

171. At least take off that ridiculous hat.

172. Wonderful party, banks.

173. You really know how to court a client.

174. Oh, thank you.

175. Aah!

176. Um... This is my nephew will,

177. and, um... This is his hair.

178. Pleasure to meet you both.

179. How you doing?

180. Call me whitey.

181. No, no, no. I'm gonna call you that,

182. you gonna call me the other thing.

183. We gonna be fightin'.

184. Will...

185. Whitey is president of a prestigious savings & loan.

186. Guess a lot of your buddies wearing suits like this.

187. Why don't we just go over here and...

188. Um...

189. Move it over here, whitey.

190. You alright, Uncle Phil?

191. Will, you just insulted a potential cl—

192. put your hat on.

193. You just said take it off.

194. Put it on!

195. Oh, that's me. Chill, fellas.

196. I got that right here.

197. That's Stacy again, sweatin' me!

198. Want to handle this one, big guy, or shall I?

199. Shut up, Carlton.

200. Good call.

201. Will, I told you—

202. no beepers worn in my house.

203. Oh, I didn't really disobey you, Uncle Phil,

204. 'cause, see, technically, we're not in the house.

205. Smog.

206. Get rid of that thing.

207. You think everybody's going to think I'm a drug dealer?

208. Why wouldn't they think I'm a doctor?

209. Everyone knows buckwheat never went to medical school.

210. Will, put your hat back on.

211. Oh, I'm so confused.

212. Let me clarify it for you.

213. Lose the hair, clothes,

214. and give me the beeper.

215. I don't really think Stacy's your type, Uncle Phil.

216. You think because people are around

217. you can defy me openly and get away with it?

218. I was hoping—

219. get upstairs!

220. Why you making such a big deal?

221. Boy, as long as you live in my house,

222. you'll do what I say.

223. Maybe I won't be in your house then.

224. Good.

225. Well, alright.

226. Yeah.

227. Well, I'm outta here then.

228. Bye.

229. And what are you looking at, whitey?

230. Oh, I'll help you with those.

231. No you won't. Wormhead!

232. And there's more where that come from. Chump!

233. Ah! What's up man?

234. When'd you get back?

235. I just got back this morning.

236. Welcome home.

237. Alright.

238. Later.

239. Jazz.

240. Jazz!

241. Weren't you just here?

242. I been gone all summer.

243. Isn't there something else you'd like to say?

244. Now that you mention it, yeah.

245. You dating whoopi goldberg?

246. How about "come in," man?

247. I need a place to crash.

248. You got a place to crash.

249. A mansion with a pool, tennis court,

250. and a toilet that flushes without using a coat hanger.

251. Not no more, man.

252. Dang, your toilet broke, too?

253. My Uncle. He kicking me all this static.

254. He can't accept me, I'm gone.

255. I'm with you, my brother.

256. So I can stay with you?

257. No.

258. I already have company.

259. What company?

260. Company with breasts.

261. Can you ask them to come back another time?

262. Jazz.

263. I'm getting lonely.

264. They're lonely.

265. I'll be out in the street, man.

266. Jazz.

267. Sorry, my brother,

268. but those are the harsh realities of the cruel world

269. in which we habitate.

270. And now, Booty awaits me.

271. If our friendship means anything to you,

272. open this door right now!

273. I took four buses to get here.

274. Now, open this door!

275. That's more like it.

276. Aah!

277. Don't tell me I can't stay at your crib.

278. If you got some girl—

279. hey, what's up, man?

280. I thought i was having a bad hair day.

281. Hey, you going bald, man.

282. You're going to look like my Uncle in a minute.

283. I never had a dog,

284. so we're going to swing out for a bit.

285. You the only friend I got.

286. That's a black thing, right?

287. You're going to pee on my foot.

288. Alright, I got that.

289. Damn.

290. You are too close to the vehicle.

291. Who said that?

292. You are too close to the vehicle.

293. I heard you the first time.

294. You have 10 seconds to move away

295. before the alarm activates.

296. Oh, really now?

297. 10 seconds. I knew you was fooling me.

298. Oh. Shh. Chill, chill.

299. Who you talking to, son?

300. Uh, well...

301. A-actually, I was talking to the car, officer.

302. Oh, the car talks.

303. Oh, no, it's kind of fly, actually.

304. Check it out, check it out.

305. Uh-uh.

306. No, watch. Excuse me, excuse me.

307. No, no. Wait.

308. Check it out. Check it out.

309. The car, it say, "move or I'll kill you"

310. or something like that.

311. Guess the cat's got its tongue.

312. Whoo!

313. Damn!

314. You are too close to the vehicle.

315. Philip, will's been gone seven hours.

316. What if something's happened?

317. Don't try to cheer me up.

318. Philip, I'm serious.

319. Do something!

320. I've got Geoffrey out scouring the city.

321. I'm terribly sorry, sir. I've looked everywhere.

322. There isn't an ice cream sandwich

323. left in this town.

324. Wait, wait.

325. Vivian.

326. Vi—

327. Ashley, what are you doing out of bed?

328. I'm worried about will.

329. Why did you throw him out into the street?

330. I didn't.

331. Quite right. You threw him on the lawn.

332. He rolled into the street.

333. We couldn't find will anywhere.

334. I'm sorry. No ice cream sandwiches.

335. Shh!

336. Looks like you really blew it this time, huh?

337. I hope the willster's still breathing.

338. Will!

339. Oh, honey, thank God you're safe.

340. Hi, aunt viv.

341. Ooh, you stink.

342. Boy, it's good to be home.

343. Is there a problem, officer?

344. Just 'cause I come in the crib in the middle of the night

345. escorted by a police officer,

346. you think something's wrong.

347. See how he plays me?

348. Thank you so much for bringing him home, officer.

349. Well, will, I guess I better beat it.

350. Whoa.

351. Goodnight, folks.

352. What, I got a boogie?

353. I'm very disappointed in you.

354. I can't believe the trouble you've caused.

355. You've been back one day,

356. you insult a client,

357. storm out of this house,

358. and worry us half to death.

359. And I don't appreciate the influence you're having

360. on your cousin Ashley.

361. He's not a bad influence on me.

362. I have a mind of my own.

363. If that's o.K. With you.

364. It's like you got her brainwashed.

365. And it took me 13 years to do it.

366. Can I say something?

367. What?

368. You forgot the part about will getting arrested.

369. Y'all trying to play me like that, right?

370. What if he told you

371. you couldn't wear plaid anymore?

372. Don't joke about that, will.

373. What if he told you

374. you couldn't entertain men in the jacuzzi anymore?

375. When did you have a man in the jacuzzi?

376. This isn't about me. It's about will.

377. It's about all of us.

378. We're young adults here.

379. We have a right to our own opinions.

380. Yeah!

381. I mean... Today it's my beeper.

382. Tomorrow it's going to be who you can date

383. or how to vote or what college to go to.

384. That's such bull doody.

385. Dad knows I'm going to Yale.

386. You're going to Princeton.

387. I don't want to go to Princeton!

388. Hold on a minute.

389. I want to know when you had a man in the jacuzzi.

390. Look, that's my private life.

391. That's between me, that man, and his video camera.

392. Vivian, Vivian.

393. Look, Uncle Phil, what's the difference

394. between me wearing this and you in the sixties?

395. You wore a dashiki and an afro.

396. I was making a cultural statement.

397. You're just drawing attention to yourself.

398. Now, correct me if I'm wrong,

399. but you don't think a 6'3", 250-pound black dude

400. in a dashiki and an afro the size of west Philly

401. is drawing attention to hisself?

402. Will, I'm just trying to save you

403. from going through the same hassles that I went through.

404. Why would you want to?

405. Look how good you turned out.

406. Yeah, daddy.

407. He's got you there, big guy.

408. I'm with will, dad.

409. Well...

410. Heh heh heh.

411. Good.

412. Well, will.

413. I hate to admit it,

414. but I guess you have a point.

415. I do?

416. Just because you live in my house

417. doesn't mean I can control you.

418. You can express yourself any way you want to.

419. Keep the clothes, keep the hair and the beeper.

420. Knock yourself out.

421. Alright!

422. But, you know,

423. now, I've been thinking.

424. You know, I have a need to express myself, too.

425. I don't know, Uncle Phil.

426. You might be able to get one twist right here.

427. No, that's not quite what I had in mind.

428. You see, I can't force you to do

429. anything you don't want to do.

430. But these...

431. Are my kids.

432. So...

433. As long as you keep the hair,

434. the clothes, and the beeper,

435. you're all grounded.

436. Goodnight.

437. Nice try.

438. Look, this is a classic case of divide and conquer.

439. Malcolm warned us about this.

440. Get him.

441. You know, we're gonna swing out for a while

442. you're the only friend I got now.

443. [Trainer claps hands] Lift.

444. Lift.

445. Chuck, lift!

446. Lift!