1. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Copy !req
2. Oh, a little lower Geoffrey.
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3. Geoffrey?
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4. Oh, hi honey, it's you.
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5. Uh, huh.
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6. The kids aren't back
from the airport
with will yet.
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7. In that case,
I have an idea.
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8. Ooh! Take no prisoners,
daddy.
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9. Speaking of prisoners,
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10. let's talk about will.
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11. Maybe bel-air prep
isn't right for him.
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12. Maybe he'd get more
from a different
environment.
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13. So could we.
Race you to
the jacuzzi.
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14. Now, now, wait.
I found a school
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15. that's a little
further away
than we're used to.
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16. How much further?
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17. Switzerland.
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18. Now that that's settled,
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19. I'll go fire up
the jacuzzi.
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20. Back it up.
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21. How could you suggest
shipping will off
to boarding school?
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22. O.K., o.K.,
I'm sorry.
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23. You're absolutely right.
Will's a great kid.
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24. I've even grown
to sort of...
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25. Anyway, I'm sorry I even
mentioned Switzerland.
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26. O.K.
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27. You're forgiven.
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28. Thank you.
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29. Would you consider
Great Britain?
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30. Well, a man can dream,
can't he?
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31. Sorry.
It's just that it's
been so peaceful here
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32. since will's
been in Philly.
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33. Boarding school's
not so bad, is it,
Geoffrey?
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34. Geoffrey went
to boarding school.
Tell her, Geoffrey.
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35. Madam, I went
to boarding school.
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36. And then I went
to therapy.
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37. Who asked you?
Get my lunch.
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38. Right away, sir.
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39. The man has
a tapeworm.
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40. Philip, when will
gets here,
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41. please be nice.
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42. Otherwise, you're
going to be bunking
with Mr. couch.
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43. Woman, please.
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44. Do you think you could
manipulate me with sex?
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45. Does James brown
have a perm?
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46. Oh, lord, I don't know
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47. whether to
dive under the table
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48. or do the running man.
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49. G!
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50. Master William!
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51. Uncle phee.
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52. Will, it's so nice
to have you home.
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53. hey, Uncle Phil,
you look great.
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54. You look like
you lost some...
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55. Hair.
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56. Looks like
the whole Jackson family
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57. could live in those pants.
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58. That's how all brothers
are dressed in Philly.
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59. No wonder Willie Williams
moved to L.A.
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60. Carlton, honey,
what happened?
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61. Will told everyone
at the airport
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62. I was Bryant gumbel.
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63. Hey, uh...
I thought I'd get
my luggage faster.
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64. Poor baby.
What did they do,
mob you for autographs?
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65. No. Five old ladies
attacked me
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66. for being mean
to Willard.
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67. It was worth it.
We got the luggage.
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68. Mah sistah!
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69. Daddy, I need $500.
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70. Will!
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71. Hil!
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72. Daddy, I need $500.
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73. You should really consider
expanding your vocabulary.
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74. Hilary, honey,
if it's for
the barbecue
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75. we're catering
this afternoon,
we've paid you.
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76. It's not
for the barbecue.
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77. I just want $500.
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78. Come on, please.
At least kiss him first.
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79. What is that?
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80. Oh, that would be...
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81. Ieisha.
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82. Oh, no.
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83. You're right,
Uncle Phil.
Wrong area code.
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84. That would be
Stacy.
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85. Vivian, tell me
that's not a beeper.
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86. Can I have one, daddy?
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87. When Jesse Jackson
gets a job.
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88. There'll be no beepers
worn in this house.
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89. Mom let me wear it
in Philly.
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90. She's your mother,
and she loves you.
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91. I'm your Uncle.
I just try not to hurt you.
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92. I need to keep in touch
with my tastees, you know?
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93. I beg your pardon?
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94. His tastees, daddy.
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95. You know,
his chubbies, his slimmies,
his old ladies?
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96. And who are you—
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97. queen latifah?
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98. Look. See, look.
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99. Just think of it
as honey's on my hip.
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100. It's like, I need to keep in
touch with my squals
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101. see, otherwise they get all
frazzled and..
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102. You know how it is,
right, Uncle Phil?
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103. No, I do not.
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104. That's 'cause you
only got one squall
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105. and you'll never go nowhere.
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106. Well, this one squall says
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107. take your behind upstairs
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108. change and no beeper.
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109. And, Philip how come we don't
never go nowhere.
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110. Whoa, whoa, hold on,
hold on.
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111. What about my freedom
to express myself.
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112. Will, back off.
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113. The big fat vein in his head
is starting to throb.
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114. Yeah, and he hasn't
given me my money yet.
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115. Come on, hil, we're cool.
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116. Heat ain't really serious
till his right eye
start twitching.
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117. Okay.
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118. And if you go
with our firm,
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119. it'll be your
best decision.
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120. Enough business,
Mr. and Mrs. kornfeld.
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121. Please, enjoy the party.
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122. Thank you.
Call me Norma.
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123. You can call me
whitey.
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124. I think not.
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125. Everyone does,
on account
of my white hair.
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126. Oh, the white hair.
Yes.
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127. Hello. Welcome
to our home.
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128. I'm Vivian,
Philip's wife.
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129. Hello.
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130. Vivian,
say hi to whitey.
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131. Hello, whitey.
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132. Philip, why am I calling
that man whitey?
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133. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,
mommy and daddy.
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134. Oh, look,
it's the entertainment!
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135. Well,
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136. I think this is our
youngest daughter Ashley.
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137. She just had
a brain operation.
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138. Her head's
a little swollen,
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139. hence the hat.
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140. Huh?
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141. Very good, honey.
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142. Ashley, what
are you wearing?
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143. Will got it
for me in Philly.
Ain't it fly?
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144. Switzerland, Vivian.
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145. Not far enough, Philip.
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146. Ashley, go upstairs
and change right now.
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147. But I like it.
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148. If I don't wear it,
it'll hurt will's
feelings.
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149. Wear it,
you'll never see 18.
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150. I never liked will
anyway.
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151. Will, you must change.
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152. Carlton,
you must grow.
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153. You better change
before dad sees you.
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154. I'm making a statement.
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155. What statement—
I'm out on parole?
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156. Will, get away
from the buffet table.
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157. Your jail suit
is scaring the people away.
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158. With all due respect,
hilary,
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159. it's not will's fault.
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160. It's...
How shall I put this?
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161. The food sucks.
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162. What are you
talking about?
It looks good to me.
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163. Uh-oh.
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164. The pepper's moving.
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165. That's the last time
I buy Sushi
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166. out of the trunk
of a car.
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167. Tuna roll?
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168. Will, take off
those clothes.
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169. I would, but I
wouldn't want to make
your guests jealous.
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170. These are very
important clients.
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171. At least take off
that ridiculous hat.
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172. Wonderful party, banks.
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173. You really know how
to court a client.
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174. Oh, thank you.
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175. Aah!
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176. Um... This is
my nephew will,
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177. and, um...
This is his hair.
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178. Pleasure
to meet you both.
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179. How you doing?
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180. Call me whitey.
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181. No, no, no.
I'm gonna call you that,
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182. you gonna call me
the other thing.
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183. We gonna be fightin'.
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184. Will...
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185. Whitey is president
of a prestigious
savings & loan.
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186. Guess a lot of your buddies
wearing suits like this.
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187. Why don't we just
go over here and...
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188. Um...
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189. Move it over here,
whitey.
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190. You alright,
Uncle Phil?
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191. Will, you just insulted
a potential cl—
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192. put your hat on.
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193. You just said
take it off.
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194. Put it on!
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195. Oh, that's me.
Chill, fellas.
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196. I got that right here.
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197. That's Stacy again,
sweatin' me!
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198. Want to handle this one,
big guy, or shall I?
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199. Shut up, Carlton.
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200. Good call.
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201. Will, I told you—
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202. no beepers
worn in my house.
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203. Oh, I didn't really
disobey you, Uncle Phil,
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204. 'cause, see, technically,
we're not in the house.
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205. Smog.
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206. Get rid of that thing.
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207. You think everybody's
going to think
I'm a drug dealer?
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208. Why wouldn't they think
I'm a doctor?
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209. Everyone knows
buckwheat never went
to medical school.
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210. Will, put your hat
back on.
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211. Oh, I'm so confused.
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212. Let me clarify it
for you.
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213. Lose the hair,
clothes,
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214. and give me
the beeper.
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215. I don't really think
Stacy's your type,
Uncle Phil.
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216. You think
because people are around
Copy !req
217. you can defy me openly
and get away with it?
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218. I was hoping—
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219. get upstairs!
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220. Why you making
such a big deal?
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221. Boy, as long as you
live in my house,
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222. you'll do what I say.
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223. Maybe I won't be
in your house then.
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224. Good.
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225. Well, alright.
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226. Yeah.
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227. Well, I'm outta here
then.
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228. Bye.
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229. And what are you
looking at, whitey?
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230. Oh, I'll help you
with those.
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231. No you won't. Wormhead!
Copy !req
232. And there's more
where that come from.
Chump!
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233. Ah! What's up man?
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234. When'd you get back?
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235. I just got back
this morning.
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236. Welcome home.
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237. Alright.
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238. Later.
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239. Jazz.
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240. Jazz!
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241. Weren't you
just here?
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242. I been gone all summer.
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243. Isn't there
something else
you'd like to say?
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244. Now that you
mention it, yeah.
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245. You dating
whoopi goldberg?
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246. How about
"come in," man?
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247. I need a place
to crash.
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248. You got a place
to crash.
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249. A mansion with a pool,
tennis court,
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250. and a toilet that flushes
without using a coat hanger.
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251. Not no more, man.
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252. Dang, your
toilet broke, too?
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253. My Uncle.
He kicking me
all this static.
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254. He can't accept me,
I'm gone.
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255. I'm with you,
my brother.
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256. So I can stay
with you?
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257. No.
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258. I already have
company.
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259. What company?
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260. Company with breasts.
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261. Can you ask them
to come back
another time?
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262. Jazz.
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263. I'm getting lonely.
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264. They're lonely.
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265. I'll be out
in the street, man.
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266. Jazz.
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267. Sorry, my brother,
Copy !req
268. but those are
the harsh realities
of the cruel world
Copy !req
269. in which we habitate.
Copy !req
270. And now,
Booty awaits me.
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271. If our friendship
means anything to you,
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272. open this door
right now!
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273. I took four buses
to get here.
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274. Now, open this door!
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275. That's more like it.
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276. Aah!
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277. Don't tell me
I can't stay at your crib.
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278. If you got some girl—
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279. hey, what's up, man?
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280. I thought I
was having a bad hair day.
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281. Hey, you going
bald, man.
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282. You're going to
look like my Uncle
in a minute.
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283. I never had a dog,
Copy !req
284. so we're going to
swing out for a bit.
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285. You the only friend
I got.
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286. That's a black thing, right?
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287. You're going to
pee on my foot.
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288. Alright,
I got that.
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289. Damn.
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290. You are too close
to the vehicle.
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291. Who said that?
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292. You are too close
to the vehicle.
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293. I heard you
the first time.
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294. You have 10 seconds
to move away
Copy !req
295. before the alarm
activates.
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296. Oh, really now?
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297. 10 seconds. I knew
you was fooling me.
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298. Oh. Shh.
Chill, chill.
Copy !req
299. Who you
talking to, son?
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300. Uh, well...
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301. A-actually, I was
talking to the car,
officer.
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302. Oh, the car talks.
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303. Oh, no,
it's kind of fly,
actually.
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304. Check it out,
check it out.
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305. Uh-uh.
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306. No, watch.
Excuse me, excuse me.
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307. No, no. Wait.
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308. Check it out.
Check it out.
Copy !req
309. The car, it say,
"move or I'll kill you"
Copy !req
310. or something like that.
Copy !req
311. Guess the cat's
got its tongue.
Copy !req
312. Whoo!
Copy !req
313. Damn!
Copy !req
314. You are too close
to the vehicle.
Copy !req
315. Philip, will's
been gone seven hours.
Copy !req
316. What if something's
happened?
Copy !req
317. Don't try to
cheer me up.
Copy !req
318. Philip, I'm serious.
Copy !req
319. Do something!
Copy !req
320. I've got Geoffrey
out scouring the city.
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321. I'm terribly sorry, sir.
I've looked everywhere.
Copy !req
322. There isn't
an ice cream sandwich
Copy !req
323. left in this town.
Copy !req
324. Wait, wait.
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325. Vivian.
Copy !req
326. Vi—
Copy !req
327. Ashley, what are you
doing out of bed?
Copy !req
328. I'm worried
about will.
Copy !req
329. Why did you
throw him out
into the street?
Copy !req
330. I didn't.
Copy !req
331. Quite right.
You threw him
on the lawn.
Copy !req
332. He rolled
into the street.
Copy !req
333. We couldn't
find will anywhere.
Copy !req
334. I'm sorry.
No ice cream sandwiches.
Copy !req
335. Shh!
Copy !req
336. Looks like you really
blew it this time, huh?
Copy !req
337. I hope the willster's
still breathing.
Copy !req
338. Will!
Copy !req
339. Oh, honey,
thank God
you're safe.
Copy !req
340. Hi, aunt viv.
Copy !req
341. Ooh, you stink.
Copy !req
342. Boy, it's good
to be home.
Copy !req
343. Is there
a problem, officer?
Copy !req
344. Just 'cause
I come in the crib
in the middle of the night
Copy !req
345. escorted by
a police officer,
Copy !req
346. you think
something's wrong.
Copy !req
347. See how he plays me?
Copy !req
348. Thank you so much for
bringing him home, officer.
Copy !req
349. Well, will, I guess
I better beat it.
Copy !req
350. Whoa.
Copy !req
351. Goodnight,
folks.
Copy !req
352. What, I got a boogie?
Copy !req
353. I'm very
disappointed in you.
Copy !req
354. I can't believe the
trouble you've caused.
Copy !req
355. You've been back
one day,
Copy !req
356. you insult a client,
Copy !req
357. storm out of this house,
Copy !req
358. and worry us
half to death.
Copy !req
359. And I don't appreciate
the influence you're having
Copy !req
360. on your cousin Ashley.
Copy !req
361. He's not a bad
influence on me.
Copy !req
362. I have a mind
of my own.
Copy !req
363. If that's o.K. With you.
Copy !req
364. It's like you got her
brainwashed.
Copy !req
365. And it took me
13 years to do it.
Copy !req
366. Can I say something?
Copy !req
367. What?
Copy !req
368. You forgot the part
about will getting arrested.
Copy !req
369. Y'all trying
to play me
like that, right?
Copy !req
370. What if he told you
Copy !req
371. you couldn't
wear plaid anymore?
Copy !req
372. Don't joke
about that, will.
Copy !req
373. What if he told you
Copy !req
374. you couldn't entertain men
in the jacuzzi anymore?
Copy !req
375. When did you
have a man
in the jacuzzi?
Copy !req
376. This isn't about me.
It's about will.
Copy !req
377. It's about all of us.
Copy !req
378. We're young adults here.
Copy !req
379. We have a right
to our own opinions.
Copy !req
380. Yeah!
Copy !req
381. I mean...
Today it's my beeper.
Copy !req
382. Tomorrow it's going to be
who you can date
Copy !req
383. or how to vote
or what college to go to.
Copy !req
384. That's such
bull doody.
Copy !req
385. Dad knows
I'm going to Yale.
Copy !req
386. You're going
to Princeton.
Copy !req
387. I don't want to
go to Princeton!
Copy !req
388. Hold on a minute.
Copy !req
389. I want to know
when you had a man
in the jacuzzi.
Copy !req
390. Look, that's
my private life.
Copy !req
391. That's between me,
that man, and
his video camera.
Copy !req
392. Vivian, Vivian.
Copy !req
393. Look, Uncle Phil,
what's the difference
Copy !req
394. between me wearing this
and you in the sixties?
Copy !req
395. You wore a dashiki
and an afro.
Copy !req
396. I was making
a cultural statement.
Copy !req
397. You're just drawing
attention to yourself.
Copy !req
398. Now, correct me
if I'm wrong,
Copy !req
399. but you don't think
a 6'3", 250-pound
black dude
Copy !req
400. in a dashiki
and an afro the size
of west Philly
Copy !req
401. is drawing attention
to hisself?
Copy !req
402. Will, I'm just trying
to save you
Copy !req
403. from going through
the same hassles
that I went through.
Copy !req
404. Why would you want to?
Copy !req
405. Look how good
you turned out.
Copy !req
406. Yeah, daddy.
Copy !req
407. He's got you there,
big guy.
Copy !req
408. I'm with will, dad.
Copy !req
409. Well...
Copy !req
410. Heh heh heh.
Copy !req
411. Good.
Copy !req
412. Well, will.
Copy !req
413. I hate to admit it,
Copy !req
414. but I guess
you have a point.
Copy !req
415. I do?
Copy !req
416. Just because
you live in my house
Copy !req
417. doesn't mean
I can control you.
Copy !req
418. You can express yourself
any way you want to.
Copy !req
419. Keep the clothes,
keep the hair
and the beeper.
Copy !req
420. Knock
yourself out.
Copy !req
421. Alright!
Copy !req
422. But, you know,
Copy !req
423. now, I've been thinking.
Copy !req
424. You know, I have a need
to express myself, too.
Copy !req
425. I don't know,
Uncle Phil.
Copy !req
426. You might be able
to get one twist
right here.
Copy !req
427. No, that's not quite
what I had in mind.
Copy !req
428. You see, I can't
force you to do
Copy !req
429. anything you don't
want to do.
Copy !req
430. But these...
Copy !req
431. Are my kids.
Copy !req
432. So...
Copy !req
433. As long as you
keep the hair,
Copy !req
434. the clothes,
and the beeper,
Copy !req
435. you're all grounded.
Copy !req
436. Goodnight.
Copy !req
437. Nice try.
Copy !req
438. Look, this is a classic case
of divide and conquer.
Copy !req
439. Malcolm warned us
about this.
Copy !req
440. Get him.
Copy !req
441. You know, we're gonna
swing out for a while
Copy !req
442. you're the only
friend I got now.
Copy !req
443. [Trainer claps
hands] Lift.
Copy !req
444. Lift.
Copy !req
445. Chuck, lift!
Copy !req
446. Lift!
Copy !req