1. Will, give me all your money.
Copy !req
2. Oh, I'm sorry, Carlton. I don't
feel like playing 7-eleven.
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3. This isn't a game, Will.
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4. I know you have 50 bucks,
and I need it.
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5. Oh, forget it, man,
with 50 bucks
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6. I can take 25 women
out to dinner.
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7. Listen carefully, Will.
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8. And I know you can hear me
with ears that big.
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9. Bif's dad
is a bankruptcy lawyer.
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10. And according to him,
Westworld Airlines
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11. is about to fall prey
to a corporate raider.
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12. Word? Man, I don't believe that.
A corporate raider?
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13. What the bloody hell
are you talkin' about?
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14. It's called
inside information.
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15. And it's quite illegal.
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16. So is that French nanny
you're dating.
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17. Enough said.
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18. The point is,
I've only got 50 bucks.
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19. I need a 100 to buy the stock.
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20. Alright, just let me think about
it for a little while, alright?
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21. No.
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22. Will, take my hand,
come out of the ghetto..
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23. and take a stroll
down Wall Street.
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24. You see, we buy stock in
Westworld Airlines today
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25. for two dollars a share.
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26. And by Friday,
it's worth eight dollars.
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27. Now when you take
a girl out to dinner
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28. they can get
something to eat, too.
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29. Oh! So then they'll
owe me something.
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30. I'm with you!
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31. Uh, here's my 20.
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32. I thought you said
it was illegal?
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33. It is!
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34. God, how I love
life on the edge!
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35. - Hi, guys.
- 'Hey, Aunt Viv.'
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36. Carlton honey, would you drop
my bracelet off at the jewelers?
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37. - The clasp broke.
- Sure.
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38. Whoa! Those almost look
like real diamonds.
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39. They are, so be careful.
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40. Oh, hello, there, uh..
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41. "Agnes."
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42. My, that's a lovely tattoo.
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43. You know, the knife dripping
blood really sets off your eyes.
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44. I did it myself.
So, what you got?
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45. Uh, we have this lovely,
expensive bracelet.
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46. Two hundred dollars.
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47. For an ordinary bracelet.
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48. But not okay for one
that formerly belonged
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49. to Catherine the Great.
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50. The one-armed chick
that works the corner
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51. of Hollywood and Vine?
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52. She a class act. Okay, 300.
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53. Uh, did we mention
that it ain't stolen?
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54. Okay, 400, but that's only
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55. 'cause I think your short friend
here is kind of cute.
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56. Hey, small stuff,
you want to come back here
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57. and check out
the rest of my merchandise?
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58. This is a delicious meal,
Geoffrey.
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59. - You've outdone yourself.
- You're too kind, sir.
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60. Moron! Fathead!
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61. Geoffrey, must you listen to
the Dodgers game during dinner?
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62. I'm terribly sorry, madam
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63. but it is the bottom
of the ninth
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64. the bases are loaded.
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65. However, I will maintain
my professionalism.
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66. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!
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67. Peas?
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68. Mom, have I told you
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69. that every year you grow
even more youthful?
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70. You're going to be well
into your 40s
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71. before you need
plastic surgery.
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72. No. You cannot have the
Diamond League over for lunch.
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73. Daddy, you promised
you would reason with her.
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74. Honey, I don't know
why you want to join
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75. that organization anyway?
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76. Baby, it was different
when I joined.
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77. Today, all those women care
about are cars, men and money.
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78. Well, what's wrong with that,
sweetheart?
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79. Men with money can drive her
away in their cars.
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80. Come on.
It's just a little lunch.
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81. You never got me a pony.
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82. Geoffrey,
start buffing the silver.
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83. What the hell's your problem?
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84. You got bricks
in your butt, you clown?
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85. Right away, madam.
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86. (man on TV)
'Today's big story
is the rumor of Westworld Air's'
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87. 'imminent takeover, which has
caused its shares to skyrocket.'
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88. - Your milk, Master Carlton.
- Oh, thank you, Geoffrey.
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89. - How's our stock doing?
- Up 300 percent.
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90. Yay!
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91. And might I add, hah!
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92. Hey, man, you know
what I'm gonna do
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93. with my share of the money?
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94. I'mma go out
and get my very own team.
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95. It's between the Raiderettes
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96. and the Laker Girls.
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97. You can't buy love, Will.
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98. Man, what you talkin' about?
I don't want love.
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99. I just want them to follow
me around and say..
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100. (man on TV)
'Here's a Wall Street update.'
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101. 'The SEC Has suspended trading
on Westworld Air'
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102. 'pending an announcement.'
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103. Come on, Carlton. Translate.
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104. How can I put this in terms
he'll understand?
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105. More money. More money.
More money.
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106. Man, I'm going to get me
the best girlfriend
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107. money can buy.
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108. Oh, come on, man.
You got to think investment.
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109. See, I'mma go out and I'mma get
me a Burger King, right?
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110. And then I'mma hire some
topless counter girls
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111. and then I'mma
really have it my way.
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112. (man on TV)
'News just in,
Westworld Airlines'
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113. 'has just filed
for a Chapter 11.'
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114. Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
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115. Yeah!
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116. Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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117. Aah!
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118. Carlton?
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119. Yes, Will?
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120. That ain't a good thing,
is it?
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121. No, Will.
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122. We're in trouble, ain't we?
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123. Yes, Will.
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124. We just lost everything.
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125. Oh, my God!
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126. How're we gonna
get mom's bracelet back?
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127. Shh! Come on, man.
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128. - Uh, don't panic.
- Too late.
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129. Dad knows.
No Harvard. Dead end.
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130. Paper or plastic?
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131. Co-co-come on.
Just relax. Look.
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132. We'll just go get
well-payin' jobs.
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133. Uh, uh, very
well-payin' jobs.
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134. Twenty-four, twenty-five.
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135. Gosh, who'd have thought
they'd pay you so little
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136. for selling your blood?
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137. How do you feel, Will?
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138. I'm fine.
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139. Oh, buck up.
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140. We only have to give blood
50 more times
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141. to get mom's bracelet back.
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142. There's got to be
an easier way, man.
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143. If I could just get
them "Classifieds."
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144. - Hmm.
- Let me..
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145. You're not going to hit me
with this, are you?
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146. I'd like to,
but I see three of you
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147. and I don't know
which one to hit.
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148. Face it, Will. You're not gonna
find a job in there.
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149. I mean, what are you
qualified to do
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150. besides flirt with women
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151. and dance to loud
primitive music?
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152. "Male strippers wanted."
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153. Bingo!
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154. Will, tell me you're joking.
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155. Even you with your depraved
working-class morality
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156. wouldn't stoop so low.
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157. "Earn up to $500 a night."
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158. Shake that groove thing.
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159. So did you get
the stripper job or not?
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160. Does David Duke
shop white sales?
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161. They-they said
I was a natural, man.
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162. They're going to call me
with my first gig.
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163. Oh, hold up, Will.
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164. Granted, we're desperate
for money
Copy !req
165. but maybe you should
stop and think
Copy !req
166. of what kind of life
you'll be leading.
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167. Yeah. You're right, C.
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168. Dancin' around
in some cheap club
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169. while women put dollars
down my underpants.
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170. I love this country.
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171. Ah, my financial advisors
have arrived.
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172. Moron! Fathead!
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173. I didn't know
the Dodgers were playing.
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174. They're not, thieving wankers.
Copy !req
175. So I think I should ask
for my money back.
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176. I mean, I've been in this
weight-loss program
Copy !req
177. six whole months,
and look at me, I'm Shamu.
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178. Oh!
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179. Philip, I thought you had an
important business lunch?
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180. Nothing is more important
than our little
bachelorette.
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181. Mrs. DeWynter,
so nice to see you again.
Copy !req
182. Thank you.
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183. So, what do you think
of our little Hilary?
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184. She's going to make some man
a wonderful wife one day.
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185. Soon, I hope.
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186. Well, I think I speak for
all of us leaguers when I say..
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187. - Isn't she lovely?
- Oh, yes.
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188. Vivian, I do hope
you'll bring Hilary
Copy !req
189. to our new members dinner.
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190. Well, I think I can speak
for Vivian
Copy !req
191. when I say,
"She'll be there."
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192. - Philip—
- In her brand new BMW.
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193. See you there.
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194. Ashley sweetie, we are going
to the Diamond League dinner
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195. at the Gingham Turtle
Restaurant.
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196. Now here's the address
and phone number
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197. in case there's an emergency,
okay?
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198. Mom, I'm 13-years-old.
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199. I can take care of myself.
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200. That's what Drew Barrymore said.
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201. Banks residence.
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202. No. Master Williams
is not home, thank God.
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203. May I take a message?
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204. Yes.
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205. Yes.
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206. Yes. Yes.
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207. I'll see that he gets it.
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208. Bye.
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209. - Ah, Master Will.
- 'Hey, G.'
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210. The Boogie Buns Agency
called.
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211. It appears you have a job
this evening.
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212. Bam! My first gig!
Where is it?
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213. Uh, the address
is on the counter.
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214. - Alright.
- Oh, and, uh..
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215. They also requested
that you bring a spare G-string.
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216. There's an explanation
for that, G.
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217. Oh. Yo, Carlton,
I got a gig, man!
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218. We're home free. We'll get
aunt Viv's bracelet out of hock.
Copy !req
219. She'll never know
the difference.
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220. - You mean, we're saved?
- You got it.
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221. Hey, I picked my costume
up today.
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222. See, I figure I'll
start out in this..
Copy !req
223. and I figure,
I'll end up in this.
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224. I gotta go iron this stuff,
alright. Get the address for me.
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225. It's right over there
on the counter.
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226. "Gingham Turtle Restaurant."
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227. Sounds pretty sleazy.
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228. Yo, this ain't exactly
what I expected.
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229. Whoa!
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230. Check out the low-life.
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231. Yes?
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232. Yeah, man.
I'm here for the gig.
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233. You? You are here to perform
for the ladies?
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234. - That's right.
- Of course, you are.
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235. I'm serious, man.
Where are the other guys at?
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236. - I gotta get changed.
- Other guys?
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237. Yeah. When I auditioned, they
said I'd be second on the
bill
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238. between King Thong and Ram-Bro.
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239. I'm sorry, monsieur.
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240. There is no one
on the bill, but you.
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241. Ladies, I'm told
the entertainment has arrived.
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242. 'It's my pleasure to introduce'
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243. the international star,
Sir Graham Higgins
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244. doing a medley
of operatic favorites.
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245. Mom, which opera is this?
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246. Will! Shake something,
dammit!
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247. Will, get back out here.
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248. - 'Yeah!'
- Take it off!
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249. Take it all off!
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250. Aah!
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251. - 'Take it off!'
- Put it on!
Copy !req
252. Carlton Banks, you put
your clothes on this minute!
Copy !req
253. Mommy!
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254. No dates, no charge cards,
no television
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255. no movies, no phone calls,
no food!
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256. - Sir, permission to beg, sir.
- What?
Copy !req
257. I'm deeply, deeply sorry
Copy !req
258. about the unfortunate
stripping incident.
Copy !req
259. I just want to say
it's all his fault.
Copy !req
260. What?
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261. Um, look..
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262. Come on, Uncle Phil, I mean, I'm
sure you did something like this
Copy !req
263. when you were a kid.
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264. Maybe not.
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265. I think you two
owe Hilary an apology.
Copy !req
266. Your behavior tonight
cost her an invitation
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267. to join the Diamond League
and meet some nice young men
Copy !req
268. and you know how much
that meant to me.
Copy !req
269. I mean her.
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270. It's okay, daddy.
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271. The more time I spent
with those women
Copy !req
272. the more I realized
they're not my kind of
people.
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273. I don't want to have
anything
to do with them.
Copy !req
274. Oh, honey,
I am so proud of you.
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275. Mrs. DeWynter.
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276. Hilary darling, why did you
run off like that?
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277. I wanted to invite you
to join the Diamond League.
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278. Oh, I'd love to!
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279. Switching entertainment
like that.
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280. What an outrageous idea!
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281. Say, my mother's turning 90.
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282. Are they available
for birthday parties?
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283. - I guess I'll just—
- Sit.
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284. I'm not through
with you two yet.
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285. I want to know
what excuse you have
Copy !req
286. for pulling
such a stupid stunt!
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287. - We needed the money.
- For what?
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288. And I want the truth.
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289. Alright. It's like this,
Uncle Phil.
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290. See, Carlton got this
inside tip on a stock.
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291. Federal offense. Go on.
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292. Well, then we pawned
Aunt Viv's bracelet
Copy !req
293. to get the money for the stock.
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294. Grand larceny. Impressive.
Copy !req
295. And then we lost the money
Copy !req
296. so we had to strip
to get the bracelet back.
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297. That would be indecent exposure.
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298. Is there more?
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299. I'm afraid so, dad.
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300. We never got the clasp
fixed on mom's bracelet.
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301. You never got the..
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302. - And you did all..
- 'Yeah.'
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303. I don't know what to say.
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304. What can I do?
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305. What do you boys think
I should do?
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306. Uh, I don't know.
Reward us for our honesty?
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307. Hey, hey.
It worked for the Beav.
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308. Do I look like
a white guy named Ward?
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309. Now, you get that
bracelet back.
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310. And for the next six weeks
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311. I don't wanna hear you breathe
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312. or I'm callin' the Feds myself!
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313. I-I guess this probably
ain't the best time
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314. to tell him
we ran over the mailbox.
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315. Come on, man.
What is wrong with you?
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316. It's Agnes.
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317. I can feel her undressing me
with her eyes.
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318. I don't think so, man.
She's not laughin'.
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319. Come on. Go ahead.
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320. Excuse me, Agnes.
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321. - But isn't that our bracelet?
- Was your bracelet.
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322. I'm only obligated
to hold it for five days.
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323. Today, is the sixth.
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324. But we have the $500.
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325. Oh, well, I'll give you $550.
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326. Oh, whoa, whoa, hold it.
Hold it now. Hold it..
Copy !req
327. Look, Agnes, can I speak
to you for a second, please?
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328. Can I speak to Agnes?
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329. Now, look, Agnes, slimmie.
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330. Now, what's up?
How you gonna play me?
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331. I thought we had
an understanding, you know?
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332. I mean, we speak
the same language and all.
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333. What's goin' on?
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334. Babe, we had nothin'
going on but the rent.
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335. Oh. It's like that, right?
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336. Just like that. 550 is what
the lady's offering.
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337. I hope it doesn't interfere
Copy !req
338. with our relationship,
sweet and low.
Copy !req
339. Um..
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340. Please, please,
we'll do anything.
Copy !req
341. What'll it take
to change your mind?
Copy !req
342. What you got?
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343. Oh, no.
Copy !req
344. Work it, honey.
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345. Hey, hey.
It worked for the Beav.
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346. Do I look like a white guy named
Ward?
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347. Now I want you two to go down
there
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348. and get that bracelet back,
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349. and for the next six weeks
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350. I don't wanna hear you breathe
Copy !req
351. or I'm diming you out to the
Feds myself.
Copy !req
352. Congratulations. You just made
the blooper reel.
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