1. Having breakfast
with Rico Suave?
Copy !req
2. No, mom and Robert
sent me this
Copy !req
3. from the time
they was in Mexico.
Copy !req
4. That looks just like the hat
you gave me for my birthday.
Copy !req
5. Oh, don't worry, G,
I'll have it back
Copy !req
6. in your room in an hour, man.
Copy !req
7. Geoffrey, would you put
these
in a vase for me, please?
Copy !req
8. 'Yes, madam.'
Copy !req
9. I got all of Vy's
favorite things.
Copy !req
10. Pineapple juice, brownies..
Copy !req
11. How did this'Playboy"
get in here?
Copy !req
12. Uh, I bought it.
It's a special legal
edition.
Copy !req
13. The centerfold wants to be
a supreme-court justice.
Copy !req
14. I had the hardest time
deciding what to wear
Copy !req
15. to meet Aunt Vy's
new boyfriend.
Copy !req
16. I've never known anyone
in construction
Copy !req
17. except for that guy
in the'Village People."
Copy !req
18. Yeah, well, his daughter
can sleep in my room
Copy !req
19. but if she touches my stuff
Copy !req
20. I'm stuffing her in
the clothes hamper.
Copy !req
21. What? It's not like
Hilary never did it.
Copy !req
22. Well, I am so excited.
Copy !req
23. This is the first time
Vy's brought anybody home
Copy !req
24. to meet the family.
Copy !req
25. Could be serious.
Copy !req
26. Oh, no, no, no.
Not with my mom.
Copy !req
27. All she's trying
to do is get to
Copy !req
28. her retirement plan
and her rocking chair.
Copy !req
29. Is that why she's
moon-walking up the
driveway?
Copy !req
30. - Diva!
- 'Diva!'
Copy !req
31. Look at you, baby!
Copy !req
32. Hey, your complexion
has cleared up.
Copy !req
33. Yeah, mom.
Copy !req
34. So did yours.
Copy !req
35. Hey, you must be Robert.
Copy !req
36. You're funny.
You must be Carlton.
Copy !req
37. Well, no. You see..
Copy !req
38. actually, Carlton is the
funny-looking one over
there.
Copy !req
39. See, I'm Will, but you can
just call me Your Majesty.
Copy !req
40. I may be small,
but I'm not ignorant.
Copy !req
41. Everyone, this is Robert's
daughter Claudia.
Copy !req
42. 'Hi, sweetheart.'
Copy !req
43. - Hi, Claudia. I'm Hilary.
- Hilary.
Copy !req
44. Oh, my God, isn't she
the cutest little thing
Copy !req
45. you've ever seen?
Copy !req
46. Not really.
Copy !req
47. And I would like
for you to meet..
Copy !req
48. Robert.
Copy !req
49. And isn't he the biggest hunk
you've ever seen?
Copy !req
50. Not really.
Copy !req
51. Where's Vy?
Breakfast is getting cold.
Copy !req
52. Knowing Vy, she's upstairs
freshening up.
Copy !req
53. Oh, no, no. Not my mom.
Copy !req
54. First thing she does
when she gets anywhere
Copy !req
55. is kick off her shoes
Copy !req
56. roll her hair up into
one of them twist joints
Copy !req
57. and put on one of my
big old sweat suits.
Copy !req
58. Sorry, everybody. I just had
to freshen up a little bit.
Copy !req
59. You like my new pearls,
Will?
Copy !req
60. Yeah, but they'd
probably look better
Copy !req
61. with one of my
big old sweat suits.
Copy !req
62. You can borrow them
anytime, baby.
Copy !req
63. Wait, mom. Hold it.
Copy !req
64. I put your favorite breakfast
together for you.
Copy !req
65. There's waffles with
boysenberry syrup
Copy !req
66. eggs, extra-runny
and-and sausage extra-burnt.
Copy !req
67. Thank you, baby, but I'm eating
lighter these days.
Copy !req
68. Hey, you want half my melon?
Copy !req
69. Oh, baby, you know me
like the back of your hand.
Copy !req
70. 'Oh, but I need some juice.'
Copy !req
71. Anybody else want anything
while I'm up?
Copy !req
72. As long as I'm around,
you're not lifting a finger.
Copy !req
73. - May I?
- 'Oh, there.'
Copy !req
74. Philip..
Copy !req
75. I feel a little thirsty, too.
Copy !req
76. Robert, do you mind
getting Vivian something
Copy !req
77. to drink while
you're over there?
Copy !req
78. And toss me a puddin' pop.
Copy !req
79. The refrigerator doesn't open
right. You mind if I look at it?
Copy !req
80. Be my guest,
but the repairman said
Copy !req
81. we had to order
new door hinges.
Copy !req
82. Yo, hold up, Robert!
I can take care of that.
Copy !req
83. Hey, G, I'm gonna need a
screwdriver, a wrench, T-square
Copy !req
84. and about a week off
from school.
Copy !req
85. All done.
Copy !req
86. Oh, sure.
Copy !req
87. It's just going to
break again in 20 years.
Copy !req
88. Robert can fix anything.
Copy !req
89. He's in construction.
Tell 'em, baby.
Copy !req
90. I'm in construction.
Copy !req
91. But keep your fingers
crossed.
Copy !req
92. He's working on this big
deal
with the government
Copy !req
93. and he's expecting to hear
from them any day.
Copy !req
94. If the deal goes through,
he'll be his own boss.
Copy !req
95. Well, yo, I'm working
on a big deal.
Copy !req
96. Oh, you know, down at
the restaurant where I work
Copy !req
97. I'm about to be promoted
to vice president
Copy !req
98. in charge of keeping
bums out of the entry way.
Copy !req
99. So Robert, you know
how to fix a broken dish?
Copy !req
100. Sure. You got
any super glue?
Copy !req
101. I was talking about
our satellite dish.
Copy !req
102. So am I.
Copy !req
103. Sweetie, why don't you show
Claudia our backyard?
Copy !req
104. Well, why?
Copy !req
105. It's hot, it's smoggy
Copy !req
106. and plus I won't be able
to hear nothing y'all saying.
Copy !req
107. That's the point,
big guy. Come on.
Copy !req
108. So, did he
pop the question?
Copy !req
109. Ashley, honey,
where are your manners?
Copy !req
110. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
111. Did he pop the question, please?
Copy !req
112. Not yet, but he's planning
on building this dream house
Copy !req
113. and he did mention
"His and Her" sinks.
Copy !req
114. Let the maids worry
about the sinks.
Copy !req
115. What does he drive?
Copy !req
116. The important question is
does his mother like you.
Copy !req
117. - She's dead.
- Girlfriend, you in.
Copy !req
118. Oh!
Copy !req
119. I like your bracelet.
Copy !req
120. I bet it would look very
cute
on my little wrist.
Copy !req
121. Oh, sorry. A friend
gave this to me.
Copy !req
122. That's cool.
Copy !req
123. I'm not down with OPP anyway.
Copy !req
124. You want to see
some pictures?
Copy !req
125. Oh, yeah, sure.
Copy !req
126. Whoa. That's you and my mom.
Copy !req
127. My dad took it
in the backyard.
Copy !req
128. We were having
a barbecue.
Copy !req
129. Claudia, now-now,
after this barbecue
Copy !req
130. you know, you guys had the junk
and stuff in your teeth
Copy !req
131. um... did my mom have to go home
to use a toothbrush
Copy !req
132. or did she already
have one there?
Copy !req
133. She used dental floss.
Copy !req
134. Okay, uh...
Copy !req
135. is my mom over your house
more during
Copy !req
136. "Good morning America"
or'Arsenio?"
Copy !req
137. Or is she
there for'Arsenio"
Copy !req
138. and then still there
for "Good morning America?"
Copy !req
139. Are you trying
to trick me to find out
Copy !req
140. how serious they are?
Copy !req
141. So, what you think,
they're pretty serious?
Copy !req
142. Will, I know how you feel.
Copy !req
143. Believe me, I've been there.
Let's face it.
Copy !req
144. Those two kids are nuts
about each other.
Copy !req
145. My brother, it's time you
wake up and smell the play-doh.
Copy !req
146. Hey, baby.
Copy !req
147. Oh, mom, you half naked.
Copy !req
148. Come on, you don't want
Robert to get the wrong idea.
Copy !req
149. You damn straight,
you don't think I'm doing these
Copy !req
150. butt busters for my health?
Copy !req
151. Okay, that's it, young lady.
You go to your room..
Copy !req
152. in Philly.
Copy !req
153. Boy, hush up and help me
move this table.
Copy !req
154. Can we get started?
Copy !req
155. I feel a little bloated.
Copy !req
156. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, mom.
How you going to play me?
Copy !req
157. Why you ain't hook me up
with one of them pink jumpies?
Copy !req
158. I couldn't find one
with a fly.
Copy !req
159. Man, Jane Fonda
got a butt like Arsenio.
Copy !req
160. Oh, I could do that
if I had the right outfit.
Copy !req
161. Uh..
Copy !req
162. Maybe not.
Copy !req
163. I'd like to have kids one day.
Copy !req
164. Yo, man, what's up?
Copy !req
165. Oh, man, you caught me.
I was trying to surprise you.
Copy !req
166. Well, when you say "Surprise"
you don't mean like
Copy !req
167. I'm driving down a big hill,
then all of a sudden
Copy !req
168. "Surprise" my brakes don't work?
Copy !req
169. You got the same sense of humor
as your mom. You know that?
Copy !req
170. Now, don't be trying to distract
me. What you doing to my ride?
Copy !req
171. Your mom and I
borrowed the car.
Copy !req
172. I saw you needed a water
pump,
so I picked one up.
Copy !req
173. That's pretty decent
of you, man. You need some help?
Copy !req
174. Nope. All done.
She'll purr like a kitten.
Copy !req
175. My grandpa taught me
how to fix cars.
Copy !req
176. That's fascinating.
Where did you meet my mom?
Copy !req
177. She picked me up in a bar.
Copy !req
178. Hey, man!
Copy !req
179. It was an oyster bar.
Copy !req
180. You see, I was,
I was a little shy
Copy !req
181. so, luckily, she came up
and she talked to me.
Copy !req
182. So, what she talk about?
Copy !req
183. You.
Copy !req
184. Is it true you took your diaper
off and ran around Sears naked?
Copy !req
185. You're damn right! And I'd do it
again if I had to.
Copy !req
186. Robert, Robert! it's Mr. Collins
from the department of housing.
Copy !req
187. I think this is the call, baby!
Copy !req
188. Hello?
Copy !req
189. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Copy !req
190. Uh-huh. Right. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
191. He does have
a certain gift for gab.
Copy !req
192. Oh, okay.
Copy !req
193. Well, thank you very much.
Copy !req
194. I got the job!
Copy !req
195. So, what kind of marble
do you want for those
Copy !req
196. "His and Her" sinks?
Copy !req
197. Congratulations, Robert.
Copy !req
198. Landing a government
contract is a hell of a deal.
Copy !req
199. I'd like to impart some words
that I've always lived by
Copy !req
200. mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.
Copy !req
201. That's beautiful, dad.
Copy !req
202. I have to admit
success is sweet.
Copy !req
203. But having three beautiful
women to share it with
Copy !req
204. makes it even sweeter.
Copy !req
205. Especially when
they're triplets.
Copy !req
206. I'll get the munchies.
Copy !req
207. Hey, uh,
congratulations, Robert.
Copy !req
208. Hey, it's nice to hear
you're going to have money now.
Copy !req
209. Uh, guess them old
girlfriends
are going to be coming
Copy !req
210. out of the woodworks, huh.
Copy !req
211. Actually, your mother's
the only woman
Copy !req
212. I've dated since my divorce.
Copy !req
213. Oh, that is so sweet,
isn't that, Philip?
Copy !req
214. - 'Philip?'
- Huh?
Copy !req
215. I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Copy !req
216. I-I was looking
for some beer nuts.
Copy !req
217. Phil, I feel pretty lucky.
Copy !req
218. How about that
tennis game you promised me?
Copy !req
219. You got it.
Copy !req
220. Uncle Phil,
no jumping over the net.
Copy !req
221. This is such
a big night for Robert.
Copy !req
222. Oh, I'm gonna make him
a special dinner.
Copy !req
223. Honey, save the rice. You'll be
needing it for the wedding.
Copy !req
224. What? Whoa, come on.
Copy !req
225. M-mom.
Copy !req
226. Now, look, I didn't
want to bring this up
Copy !req
227. but I was standing
behind Robert in the mirror.
Copy !req
228. And dude ain't
got no reflection.
Copy !req
229. Stop fooling around.
Copy !req
230. I really want to fix Robert
something special.
Copy !req
231. What should I make?
Copy !req
232. How about reservations?
Copy !req
233. Hey, what about
Will's favorite dish?
Copy !req
234. It's not every day
he gets to have his mom
Copy !req
235. prepare him
a home-cooked meal.
Copy !req
236. You know, Carlton,
you're right.
Copy !req
237. So what would my son
like for dinner?
Copy !req
238. Well, I feel like
something exotic.
Copy !req
239. - Mmm.
- Okay.
Copy !req
240. How about Lebanese?
Copy !req
241. You think Robert will
mind swinging by Beirut?
Copy !req
242. I'm sorry, Geoffrey.
You better reheat the asparagus.
Copy !req
243. Will's still not here.
Copy !req
244. So how's the chicken
holding up?
Copy !req
245. I'm afraid it's drier
than happy hour
Copy !req
246. at the Betty Ford Center,
madam.
Copy !req
247. I can't believe Will
is acting like this.
Copy !req
248. Did I do something?
Copy !req
249. Maybe it was a mistake bringing
Robert and Claudia here.
Copy !req
250. Vy, honey,
don't be so hard on yourself.
Copy !req
251. Now, I'm sure
there's a good reason
Copy !req
252. and it has nothing to do
with you and Robert.
Copy !req
253. Mom, we're starved.
Copy !req
254. And Claudia's being selfish
with her Pez.
Copy !req
255. Carlton, you just have
to know how to ask.
Copy !req
256. Now can I have
Barbie's head back?
Copy !req
257. Listen, Will's not
going to show up.
Copy !req
258. Why don't you kids
go ahead on and eat?
Copy !req
259. - Good.
- Good.
Copy !req
260. The Willster must be
feeling pretty low
Copy !req
261. to pull a stunt
like this.
Copy !req
262. I haven't seen him
this upset
Copy !req
263. since someone told him
he looked like me.
Copy !req
264. He's just hard-headed.
Copy !req
265. I don't know where
he gets it from.
Copy !req
266. I do.
Gets it from you.
Copy !req
267. I'm the understanding sister.
Helen is the loud one.
Copy !req
268. Janice is the flighty one,
and you are the hard-headed one.
Copy !req
269. I thought I was the sweet one.
Copy !req
270. You said you were
the sweet one.
Copy !req
271. When we tried to tell you
you weren't
Copy !req
272. you wouldn't listen because
you're too hard-headed.
Copy !req
273. As much as I enjoy these
Copy !req
274. wonderful walks down
memory lane, I'm pooped.
Copy !req
275. I'm going to bed.
Copy !req
276. Look, why don't we try to enjoy
what's left of dinner?
Copy !req
277. Wait a minute, how can you eat
at a time like this?
Copy !req
278. Now, Vivian, I can't get
this out of my mind.
Copy !req
279. How can you say
I am hard-headed?
Copy !req
280. Gee, Vy, I don't know where
I could have gotten that idea.
Copy !req
281. Will, thank God I found you.
Copy !req
282. Carlton, how did you know
I was down here?
Copy !req
283. Uh, did my mom send you
down here to get me?
Copy !req
284. - No.
- Oh.
Copy !req
285. I snuck out. I was
worried about you.
Copy !req
286. As you can see, I'm fine.
Copy !req
287. Will, you don't have to hide
Copy !req
288. behind that macho
exterior with me.
Copy !req
289. I see your frightened
inner child
Copy !req
290. and I'm here to say
come out and play.
Copy !req
291. You been watching
too much'Oprah,"man.
Copy !req
292. You can never watch
too much "Oprah."
Copy !req
293. If it wasn't for her show,
I'd still be in denial
Copy !req
294. about my drinking.
Copy !req
295. Will, look, I know how
you feel about Robert.
Copy !req
296. But you're not the only one
who gets jealous.
Copy !req
297. I mean, how do you think
I felt when you moved in?
Copy !req
298. What? You was jealous of me?
Copy !req
299. Sure. You're tall, good at
basketball, the babes love you.
Copy !req
300. You know, of course,
none of that will help you
Copy !req
301. in the corporate world but..
Copy !req
302. for the next year or so,
you're sitting pretty.
Copy !req
303. You know, it was real nice
of you to come down here, man.
Copy !req
304. You ain't seeing my girlfriend
or nothing, are you?
Copy !req
305. Will, I just want you to know
Copy !req
306. if your mom abandons you
and gets married
Copy !req
307. you'll always have me.
Copy !req
308. Because..
Copy !req
309. well... you're like the
brother I've always wanted.
Copy !req
310. Thanks a lot, Carlton.
Copy !req
311. For not hugging you, right?
Copy !req
312. Well, no, you know, for
saying
that I'm like the brother
Copy !req
313. that you always wanted.
Copy !req
314. And for not
hugging me, man.
Copy !req
315. Robert, I'm sorry,
this hasn't turned out to be
Copy !req
316. much of a celebration.
Copy !req
317. Hey, Vy, I'm the one that should
apologize. It's all my fault.
Copy !req
318. I was so eager for Will to
like me, I came on too strong.
Copy !req
319. Uh, so how was dinner?
Any leftovers?
Copy !req
320. Where the hell
have you been?
Copy !req
321. Boy, time flies when you're
running up to your bedroom.
Copy !req
322. I'm right behind you,
Carlton.
Copy !req
323. Hey, I'm surprised you
even noticed I was gone
Copy !req
324. you know, what,
with your man here and all.
Copy !req
325. Don't you use that tone
of walk with me.
Copy !req
326. Now you sit your butt down
before I sit it down for you.
Copy !req
327. Well, alright,
but I'm picking my own
chair.
Copy !req
328. Boy, sit down!
Copy !req
329. What a coincidence. That's
the one I was going to pick.
Copy !req
330. William, you have ruined
what was supposed to be
Copy !req
331. a very special evening.
Copy !req
332. Well, you ruined
what was supposed to be
Copy !req
333. a very special visit.
Copy !req
334. It ain't like I get to
see you all the time.
Copy !req
335. Why do you have
to bring them anyway?
Copy !req
336. I brought them because
they're important to me
Copy !req
337. and I wanted them to meet
Copy !req
338. the most important
person in my life.
Copy !req
339. Ma, did you ever think
about what I wanted?
Copy !req
340. I mean, Robert's my man.
Claudia's so adorable.
Copy !req
341. You went off and started
a whole new family without
me.
Copy !req
342. Baby... don't you
know there is
Copy !req
343. no family without you?
Copy !req
344. 'Nobody can take your place.
I'm your mother.'
Copy !req
345. But I'm human, honey.
I have needs, too.
Copy !req
346. Do you expect me
to be alone forever?
Copy !req
347. Yeah.
Copy !req
348. I mean, you've done good
this far.
Copy !req
349. Well, I think you're
being very immature.
Copy !req
350. I'm not.
Copy !req
351. You're the only parent I got
Copy !req
352. and I don't
want to share you.
Copy !req
353. Well, I'm sorry, baby.
Copy !req
354. That is not your decision.
Copy !req
355. Will, listen,
I am not with Robert
Copy !req
356. because he makes you feel bad.
Copy !req
357. I'm with him because
he makes me feel good.
Copy !req
358. You're my son, baby.
I love you.
Copy !req
359. I care about you, but I have got
to live my own life.
Copy !req
360. Now you can ruin what's
left of this trip
Copy !req
361. or you can make it work.
Copy !req
362. It's up to you.
Copy !req
363. But that's all
that's up to you.
Copy !req
364. - Hi, Will.
- Hey, Claudia.
Copy !req
365. You know, Will,
there are a lot of
advantages
Copy !req
366. to our parents getting together.
Copy !req
367. The guilt alone will
get us both ponies.
Copy !req
368. Well, no, I'm not into using
guilt for my personal gain.
Copy !req
369. Temper tantrums,
that's where the money is.
Copy !req
370. You slay me, Will.
Copy !req
371. You know, Will. You would
make a great brother.
Copy !req
372. I'm not so bad, either.
Copy !req
373. When you take me
to the parks with you
Copy !req
374. I can attract more babes
than a puppy.
Copy !req
375. What time is your flight?
Copy !req
376. Oh, I hate saying
goodbye to you, Vy.
Copy !req
377. It's the only time I cry.
Copy !req
378. Are you kidding, child? You cry
more than Richard Simmons.
Copy !req
379. Thanks for the hospitality.
Copy !req
380. Our pleasure. Just be sure
you take care of Vy.
Copy !req
381. Uh, Robert,
hold up, man.
Copy !req
382. Um..
Copy !req
383. I just wanted to a-apologize
Copy !req
384. for-for messing up
your celebration.
Copy !req
385. Oh, next time
you come out, dinner on me?
Copy !req
386. I appreciate it, man.
Copy !req
387. I'll be right there.
Copy !req
388. I guess this is goodbye.
Copy !req
389. I guess it is.
Copy !req
390. He's alright.
Copy !req
391. Well, you're "Alright," too.
Copy !req
392. In fact, you are the greatest
son a mom ever had.
Copy !req
393. I'm going to miss you, Claudia.
Copy !req
394. I'm going to miss you, too.
Copy !req
395. Thanks for letting me
polish your shoes
Copy !req
396. hang up your clothes,
and vacuum your room.
Copy !req
397. It was really fun
playing Geoffrey.
Copy !req
398. What? It's not like
Hilary never did it.
Copy !req
399. - Come on, Claudia.
- Bye, Will.
Copy !req
400. Oh, wait. Hold up, Claudia.
Copy !req
401. I think you're
forgetting something.
Copy !req
402. But your friend
gave it to you.
Copy !req
403. Yeah, but you're
a better friend.
Copy !req
404. And, besides, you can spy
on my mom for me.
Copy !req
405. I'd like to impart some words
that I've always lived by..
Copy !req
406. mo' money. Mo' money..
Copy !req
407. I'd like to impart some words
that I've always lived by..
Copy !req
408. You know... I'm trying
to be a professional here.
Copy !req