1. - Goodnight, Will.
- 'You're grounded.'
Copy !req
2. Man, yo, I ain't played ball
that hard
Copy !req
3. since I left Philly, man.
Copy !req
4. Oh, well, that dude
was no joke, man.
Copy !req
5. I ain't never playing with
him
again.
Copy !req
6. Well, he was pushin' me around
Copy !req
7. and shovin' me and kickin' me
and all that stuff, man.
Copy !req
8. Yo, dude was a monster.
Copy !req
9. Hm.
Copy !req
10. Hey, I thought
you wanted a rematch.
Copy !req
11. Forget it, man. Go pick on
somebody your own size.
Copy !req
12. - Hi, Ashley.
- Hi, Ramon.
Copy !req
13. Say, I've got a half
peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich
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14. in my pocket
with your name on it!
Copy !req
15. No. No, thanks.
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16. You want to see my frog?
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17. I think I'll pass.
Copy !req
18. Man, those lines kill
on the jungle gym.
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19. It's killin' me how much
you remind me of myself.
Copy !req
20. Why? 'Cause we're both down
with B-ball?
Copy !req
21. Well, no, 'cause don't
nobody
want to see my frog neither.
Copy !req
22. See, man, one day
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23. Ashley's going to be
breaking down my door
Copy !req
24. 'cause I'm savin' money
for basketball camp.
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25. Next thing you know,
I'll be playin' pro.
Copy !req
26. You know, my motto,
keep your eyes on the prize.
Copy !req
27. Oh, man, that's kind of similar
to my motto.
Copy !req
28. Keep your hands on their thighs.
Copy !req
29. Time to go help mom wash
Mr. Steinberg's windows. Peace.
Copy !req
30. - Hey, be cool, babe.
- Oh, by the way, G.
Copy !req
31. She tell me to tell you "Hello."
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32. - Really?
- Nah.
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33. I just wanted to watch
the earl grey
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34. run through your veins.
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35. When we have children
like that in England
Copy !req
36. we encourage them to emigrate.
Copy !req
37. This is amazing!
Copy !req
38. Did you know the odds
of getting hit
Copy !req
39. by an asteroid are one in 6000?
Copy !req
40. Really? I'm feeling
kind of lucky, man.
Copy !req
41. Why don't you go outside?
Copy !req
42. "How To Beat The Odds?"
Copy !req
43. Sorry, C, no way to beat it.
You're odd.
Copy !req
44. Hilary, I just want to know
what job I'll be doing
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45. so I can pick out an outfit.
Copy !req
46. Mother, the ladies
at the Country Club
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47. put me in charge
of Monte Carlo Night
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48. because I don't play favorites.
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49. Well, just remember whose name
is on your favorite credit card.
Copy !req
50. "Vivian Banks.
Any job she wants."
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51. Oh, whoa, what a day!
I'm exhausted.
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52. Oh, daddy,
for Monte Carlo Night
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53. you're going to be
thecroupier de toilette.
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54. Great. What'll I do?
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55. You'll make sure that
there's always toilet paper
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56. on the rolls.
Copy !req
57. Well, it's great to know that
all those years of law school
Copy !req
58. are finally coming in handy.
Copy !req
59. And, Will, you're gonna help
with the cleanup.
Copy !req
60. Well, I ain't down with that
old Country Club stuff
Copy !req
61. sittin' around all night
discussin' mayonnaise
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62. with four white guys
named Biff.
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63. Isn't Biff a riot?
Copy !req
64. Will, this is a fund raiser
for the LA political coalition.
Copy !req
65. Everything cannot
always be about fun.
Copy !req
66. Well, hold it. What?
Y'all are gonna make me go?
Copy !req
67. Well, at least show up,
if you're still unhappy
Copy !req
68. after the first half-hour
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69. consider the rest of the evening
Copy !req
70. punishment for something
you've gotten away with.
Copy !req
71. I'd rather be stranded at sea
with David Duke
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72. leadin' the rescue party.
Copy !req
73. Why should I have to go
to this stupid Country Club
Copy !req
74. if I don't want to?
Copy !req
75. How Uncle Phil
gonna play a nephew?
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76. How's daddy gonna play
a daughter?
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77. I can't believe he thinks
I'm too young to gamble.
Copy !req
78. I've been eating Hilary's
cooking since I was three.
Copy !req
79. Whoo! Uncle Phil, man,
you're—
Copy !req
80. Looking extremely fly.
Thank you, Will.
Copy !req
81. And, yes, you still have to go.
Copy !req
82. Uh, d-daddy, I am really—
Copy !req
83. Gonna miss your daddykins.
Copy !req
84. I know, Ashley. Mwah.
Copy !req
85. And, no, you still can't go.
Copy !req
86. So do I look like
a blackjack dealer?
Copy !req
87. You look great, mother
Copy !req
88. but that's not
how you wear a halter.
Copy !req
89. It is when your breasts
don't come with a receipt.
Copy !req
90. Well, I'm all ready
for Monte Carlo Night.
Copy !req
91. I've read this book
cover to cover.
Copy !req
92. Ask me about
any odd combination.
Copy !req
93. Okay, uh, why is Michael Jackson
Copy !req
94. hanging with that little boy
from "Home Alone?"
Copy !req
95. Well, we better be going.
Goodnight, Geoffrey.
Copy !req
96. - Sir.
- And, Ashley, sweetheart.
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97. I'll bring you home
a stuffed Ms. Piggy Doll.
Copy !req
98. Oh, joy.
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99. Being 13 bites.
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100. And I'm too young to know
what it bites.
Copy !req
101. Perhaps, biting into
a freshly-baked
Copy !req
102. chocolate-chip cookie
would lift your spirits.
Copy !req
103. I've poured you a nice cold
glass of milk to go with it.
Copy !req
104. Why don't you just
slap a diaper on me
Copy !req
105. and hang a mobile over my head?
Copy !req
106. Oh, Geoffrey, it's wonderful!
Copy !req
107. Here is your ginger ale.
Copy !req
108. Shaken, not stirred.
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109. I trust you won't be
dancing on the table
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110. with a lampshade on your
head.
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111. Ante is one vanilla wafer.
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112. Table limit, four mintMilanos.
Copy !req
113. Oh.
Copy !req
114. Something wrong, Ms. Ashley?
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115. No, ev-everything's fine.
Copy !req
116. Spill it.
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117. Be honest,
we're playing with cookies
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118. because you think
I'm a kid, right?
Copy !req
119. Well, yes.
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120. I'm 13!
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121. If these were the Middle Ages,
I'd already be married
Copy !req
122. and own a pair of oxen.
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123. I'm an adult!
Copy !req
124. A young adult.
Copy !req
125. I'll get my wallet.
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126. I'll get my Smurf bank.
Copy !req
127. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, man.
Copy !req
128. Come on, there's
an old gambling superstition.
Copy !req
129. It says that if you walk
into a casino backwards
Copy !req
130. you'll have good luck. Come on.
Copy !req
131. Will, you poor
public-school casualty.
Copy !req
132. Everyone knows
there is no such thing as luck.
Copy !req
133. There's only the astute mastery
of probability.
Copy !req
134. Have it your way, man.
Copy !req
135. Wow! You know, Carlton,
you are lucky.
Copy !req
136. That could have been
an asteroid.
Copy !req
137. Now, I hope you don't mind
my sayin' it
Copy !req
138. but you sure look good.
Copy !req
139. How was heaven
when you left it, huh?
Copy !req
140. Anybody ever tell you you
sure
look sexy when you deal?
Copy !req
141. We all have.
Copy !req
142. We're not here because of
the way she shuffles cards.
Copy !req
143. You know what I mean?
Copy !req
144. Gee, it's chilly in here.
Ha-ha-ha.
Copy !req
145. I'd hate for my wife
to catch cold.
Copy !req
146. Alright, alright. Robin
from the 'hood is in the house.
Copy !req
147. Blow on these bones for me,
would you, slimmie?
Copy !req
148. Alright.
Copy !req
149. Seven! Yo!
Copy !req
150. Alright! Alright!
Let it ride! Let it ride!
Copy !req
151. No way, Will, the odds of you
repeating that are six-to-one.
Copy !req
152. It says here, "Don't even make
this bet in your dreams."
Copy !req
153. Ah, Carlton,
and I too have a dream.
Copy !req
154. And in it,
all of the world rises up
Copy !req
155. and overcomes your
stupidity.
Now stay out of my face.
Copy !req
156. Come on. Don't act like
you never done it before.
Copy !req
157. Eleven! Yo!
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158. Just like it's supposed to
be.
Copy !req
159. Give it to me again.
Can I get an amen?
Copy !req
160. - Amen!
- Yes, sir, alright.
Copy !req
161. Will, please, the book says
Copy !req
162. there's no way you can win.
Copy !req
163. If I were you,
I wouldn't touch those dice.
Copy !req
164. Posse out, short stuff.
Robin's on a roll.
Copy !req
165. Alright, here we go.
Copy !req
166. Two pairs. Kings and queens.
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167. Uh, three aces.
Copy !req
168. Sorry, Geoffrey.
Copy !req
169. You're $94 in the hole.
Copy !req
170. Should we play again?
Copy !req
171. I think not.
Copy !req
172. Are you mad at me?
Copy !req
173. Of course not, Ms. Ashley.
Copy !req
174. You play verywell.
Copy !req
175. Where did you learn?
A back alley in Calcutta?
Copy !req
176. Go, Will! Go, Will!
Copy !req
177. Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Copy !req
178. Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Copy !req
179. Will, You're insane!
Quit while you're ahead.
Copy !req
180. Yo, yo. Man with the bald head.
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181. Yo!
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182. 'Tell me what they said!'
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183. Seven!
Copy !req
184. - Go, Will!
- Go, Will!
Copy !req
185. Go, Will! Go, Will!
Copy !req
186. Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Copy !req
187. Here we go! Here we go!
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188. Eleven!
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189. Hey, hey, hey, now who's hotter
than Madonna in a pointy bra?
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190. You are!
Copy !req
191. Just checking.
Copy !req
192. Seven!
Copy !req
193. May I have everyone's
attention, please?
Copy !req
194. It's time for the raffle.
Copy !req
195. A cash prize of $1000.
Copy !req
196. And the winner is..
Copy !req
197. number "1-0-2-2-5."
Copy !req
198. Aah!
Copy !req
199. Carlton, did you win?
Copy !req
200. No, I didn't play!
Copy !req
201. And 1-0-2-2-5
is my lucky number!
Copy !req
202. Wait! Hold it, hold it!
Copy !req
203. 1-0-2-2-5? That's me!
Copy !req
204. - Go, Will!
- Go, Will!
Copy !req
205. Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Copy !req
206. Go, Will! Go, Will..
Copy !req
207. It is with great pleasure
Copy !req
208. that I present you
with this check
Copy !req
209. in the amount of $1000.
Copy !req
210. It is with humongous
pleasure
Copy !req
211. that I take this chumpie
off your hands.
Copy !req
212. Can we get a picture of this,
please?
Copy !req
213. And now can we get
a shot of Will
Copy !req
214. giving the check back
to the LAPC?
Copy !req
215. Wait, what? Well, excuse me?
Copy !req
216. We'd like a shot of you donating
the money back to the LAPC.
Copy !req
217. Wait. What? You, you want me
to donate a $1000?
Copy !req
218. - That's the idea.
- That's a bad idea.
Copy !req
219. But it's a club tradition.
Copy !req
220. Oh, well, we got
a club tradition in Philly, too.
Copy !req
221. It says, "If they don't have one
Copy !req
222. you don't give them
your money."
Copy !req
223. Honest, Geoffrey, it would
make me feel a lot better
Copy !req
224. if you'd just take
your money back.
Copy !req
225. No, thank you.
Copy !req
226. A gentleman always accepts
his losses gracefully.
Copy !req
227. Okay, Geoffrey. But you're sure
we're still friends?
Copy !req
228. Of course, Ms. Ashley.
Copy !req
229. Look, I just don't understand
why you're making
Copy !req
230. such a big deal
about this money.
Copy !req
231. I mean, it ain't like
I took the Benz drag-racin'
Copy !req
232. down Sunset
at 4:00 in the morning.
Copy !req
233. Tattletale.
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234. Will, I'm making a big deal
Copy !req
235. because every year
the club picks a charity
Copy !req
236. and donates that money
to that charity.
Copy !req
237. But-but, Uncle Phil, look,
if it's supposed to be my money
Copy !req
238. how come I can't do
what I wanna do with it?
Copy !req
239. And I don't wanna donate it
to the LAPC.
Copy !req
240. Will, donating that money
is a tradition
Copy !req
241. and a tradition isn't something
to be thrown away on a whim.
Copy !req
242. Whoa, whoa, hold up! Hold up!
Copy !req
243. You callin' a red-leather suit
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244. with matching seat covers
a whim?
Copy !req
245. Will, you're being
awfully selfish.
Copy !req
246. Obviously, you haven't learned
a thing since you've been here.
Copy !req
247. We've all been blessed.
Copy !req
248. And donating to someone
less fortunate than yourself
Copy !req
249. is not an option,
it's a responsibility.
Copy !req
250. I hear what you're sayin',
Uncle Phil.
Copy !req
251. You're right.
You're right. You're right.
Copy !req
252. Keeping money that isn't yours
is wrong. Very, very wrong.
Copy !req
253. I know, I know.
Copy !req
254. Hey, Ashley honey, what's up?
Copy !req
255. Would everyone just get off
my case?
Copy !req
256. I want to give him the money
back, but he won't take it.
Copy !req
257. Whoa, puberty's in the house.
Copy !req
258. Hey, you're lookin' fine today.
Copy !req
259. Oh, thanks, I did
a little somethin' different
Copy !req
260. with my hair.
Copy !req
261. Hey, here's your boom box.
I rewired it.
Copy !req
262. It works fine now.
You owe me 50 cents.
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263. Man, 50 cents?
That's real reasonable.
Copy !req
264. Hey, a happy customer
is a loyal customer.
Copy !req
265. - How much for the shoeshine?
- A 150 bucks.
Copy !req
266. Hey, I got to make up
the differences somewhere.
Copy !req
267. How else am I going
to get to basketball camp?
Copy !req
268. Alright, well, hey,
let's just get out of here
Copy !req
269. before Linda Blair's head
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270. starts spinnin' around.
Copy !req
271. Good morning, baby.
Copy !req
272. Oh, mommy, you look so pretty.
Copy !req
273. Thank you.
Copy !req
274. Hilary's taking
your father and me
Copy !req
275. to brunch at the club today.
Copy !req
276. I want to thank them
for being so helpful
Copy !req
277. while I organized
Monte Carlo Night.
Copy !req
278. The way we all pulled
together
Copy !req
279. made me see
the importance of family
Copy !req
280. and how truly blessed I am.
Copy !req
281. What about the rest of us?
We're family, too.
Copy !req
282. Yeah, but if I take
all of you, I won't have
Copy !req
283. enough money left over
to buy a hat.
Copy !req
284. You know what I was thinking?
Copy !req
285. I'm tired of going to the club
Copy !req
286. seeing those same old faces
all the time.
Copy !req
287. What say we head down to Denny's
for a short stack?
Copy !req
288. Oh, Philip, Hilary wants to take
us to the club for brunch.
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289. Hm, after what Will did
last night
Copy !req
290. they're all gonna be
gossiping
about us.
Copy !req
291. I mean, why put ourselves
through that?
Copy !req
292. Oh, they won't be gossiping.
Copy !req
293. Will gave the check back.
Copy !req
294. Besides, people at our club
aren't like that.
Copy !req
295. I mean, no one cared about
Mrs. Silverberg's divorce.
Copy !req
296. Hm. I heard she's been
seeing the golf pro.
Copy !req
297. I heard her husband caught them
in the utility closet.
Copy !req
298. But did you know
that both of them were wearing
Copy !req
299. nothing but cleats?
Copy !req
300. It was the tennis pro
in the steam room.
Copy !req
301. But the cleats part is right.
Copy !req
302. Kids talk.
Copy !req
303. See, Vivian?
Everybody's looking at us.
Copy !req
304. No, they aren't.
Copy !req
305. Vivian,
I want to congratulate you
Copy !req
306. on having
such a talented daughter.
Copy !req
307. Here, in case you need this.
Copy !req
308. Uh, thank you,
but I don't smoke.
Copy !req
309. It's gold. It's worth something.
Copy !req
310. I thought
she was still on the wagon.
Copy !req
311. Something very strange
is going on here.
Copy !req
312. Uh, excuse me, waiter.
Could we have the check, please?
Copy !req
313. It's already been taken care of.
Copy !req
314. By whom?
Copy !req
315. By the way, if you need
to unload one of your cars
Copy !req
316. I can give you cash.
I just sold a screenplay.
Copy !req
317. Excuse me a minute.
Copy !req
318. Henry. Henry!
Copy !req
319. What in God's name
is going on here?
Copy !req
320. If you needed money,
why didn't you come to me
Copy !req
321. in-instead of making Will
keep that check?
Copy !req
322. It was Will's idea.
I told him to give it back.
Copy !req
323. Sure. Sure, old man.
Copy !req
324. George, would you tell him
that Will gave back
Copy !req
325. that check, please?
Copy !req
326. Well, I'd love to,
but he didn't.
Copy !req
327. But I told him to.
Copy !req
328. Well, this is obviously
some kind of mistake.
Copy !req
329. Oh, sure, and Mrs. Silverberg
was wearing cleats
Copy !req
330. because she forgot
her shower shoes.
Copy !req
331. Uh, Geoffrey, I took a piece
of gum from your
windbreaker.
Copy !req
332. Quite alright, Ms. Ashley.
Copy !req
333. No, no, no. I insist
on paying you back. Here.
Copy !req
334. A stick of double mint
costs but a few pennies.
Copy !req
335. A-a few pennies, $94.
Why split hairs?
Copy !req
336. Ms. Ashley,
you have offended my honor.
Copy !req
337. Honor schmonor!
It's your male pride.
Copy !req
338. Ms. Ashley!
Copy !req
339. I'm sorry, Geoffrey,
but I'm sick and tired
Copy !req
340. of men acting like pouty babies
Copy !req
341. just because you beat them
at something.
Copy !req
342. Like the time I beat
Bobby Greenspan at tether ball.
Copy !req
343. After that he told everyone
at school that I took steroids.
Copy !req
344. I apologize, Ms. Ashley.
Copy !req
345. I have acted like an utter fool.
Copy !req
346. That's alright, Geoffrey.
Copy !req
347. I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan
in his locker
Copy !req
348. before he would apologize.
Copy !req
349. Man, I finally beat you.
Copy !req
350. Hey, man, no, no, man!
The sun was in my eyes.
Copy !req
351. Man, the same sun
was in my eyes.
Copy !req
352. Stop bein' a baby.
Copy !req
353. Well, man,
I ain't bein' no baby.
Copy !req
354. And if you beat me again,
I'm takin' my ball
Copy !req
355. and I ain't being your friend.
Copy !req
356. Well, man, I got to go find G.
Copy !req
357. He got some shoes
for me to shine.
Copy !req
358. Philip, I'm sure
Will just hasn't gotten
around
Copy !req
359. to returning the check yet.
Copy !req
360. Vivian, when I tell Will
to do something
Copy !req
361. I expect for it to be done.
Copy !req
362. Hey, Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil..
Copy !req
363. Oh, you got that mad look
in your eyes.
Copy !req
364. Let me guess. You grabbed
Geoffrey's underwear by mistake.
Copy !req
365. Am I right?
Copy !req
366. Will, why didn't you give
that check to charity
Copy !req
367. like I told you to?
Copy !req
368. What are you talkin' about?
I did.
Copy !req
369. Don't stand there and lie to me.
Copy !req
370. I'm not lying!
Copy !req
371. I just got back from the
club.
Copy !req
372. And I've never been
so humiliated.
Copy !req
373. I thought we had an
agreement
that that money
Copy !req
374. was going to go
where it was most needed.
Copy !req
375. Now you march upstairs
and get me that check.
Copy !req
376. Well, I can't. The money's gone.
Copy !req
377. Well, how could you have spent
a $1000 already?
Copy !req
378. Wow! Will, you must be
loaded.
Copy !req
379. You spent a grand
and had another grand
Copy !req
380. to give to me
for basketball camp?
Copy !req
381. I got to raise
your shoeshine rate.
Copy !req
382. You gave the money to Ramon?
Copy !req
383. Well, yeah, you know,
it's just a loan
Copy !req
384. till his sneaker endorsement
comes through in
Copy !req
385. you know, around 2010.
Copy !req
386. Oh, Will,
that was very commendable
Copy !req
387. but that's not what
that money was raised for.
Copy !req
388. Oh, come on, Uncle Phil,
you said I got a break
Copy !req
389. and I was supposed to give
somebody else a break.
Copy !req
390. So I gave the money to Ramon.
Copy !req
391. He's right, Philip.
You did say that.
Copy !req
392. I'll still donate
a $1000 to LAPC.
Copy !req
393. Yeah, that's cool.
Copy !req
394. But lookie here.
Copy !req
395. Seeing as how you're in this
extremely generous mood
Copy !req
396. I want to know
if you was down with donatin'
Copy !req
397. to the United Negro Nephew Fund?
Copy !req
398. You know,
they say a Saturday night
Copy !req
399. is a terrible thing to waste.
Copy !req
400. Child, you must be
on dog food.
Copy !req
401. No, no, see, I ain't down
with that country stuff.
Copy !req
402. Country, country.. Oh!
Copy !req
403. Here we go, one more time.
Copy !req
404. Here it is,
blah-za-bleh-zu-tinnus, oh!
Copy !req
405. I thought we had an
agreement
that we were gonna
Copy !req
406. give that money
to where it was supposed
to..
Copy !req
407. 'Oh!'
Copy !req
408. Be with me people.
Pray for me now.
Copy !req