1. Yes. Yes, I love you too, mom.
Copy !req
2. Yes, mommy. Okay.
Copy !req
3. Mom! No, I'm not gonna get
my nose pierced.
Copy !req
4. Yes, mom, I'm very happy
with the holes that God gave me.
Copy !req
5. Mom am I eating
a balanced diet?
Copy !req
6. I'd say so.
Copy !req
7. Mom, no, I'm not making
any extra work for Geoffrey.
Copy !req
8. He hardly even knows I'm here.
Copy !req
9. Mom, I told you this morning
Copy !req
10. Carlton and I are
getting along great.
Copy !req
11. Mom, I keep.. Yo, everything
is Mop & Glo, mom.
Copy !req
12. They love me here.
Copy !req
13. 'Will!'
Copy !req
14. Excuse me, mom,
me and Uncle Phil
Copy !req
15. are about to go for a run.
Copy !req
16. Another minute, madam, and
perhaps we'll have a
diamond.
Copy !req
17. I don't know why Philip insisted
on putting in
Copy !req
18. all these new gadgets.
Copy !req
19. To heat something up,
I have to be Lt. Uhura
Copy !req
20. of the Starship Enterprise.
Copy !req
21. Mom, I can't use the phone.
Copy !req
22. We're all supposed to share it
Copy !req
23. but Will talks to Kathleen
morning, noon and night.
Copy !req
24. Now, I've been putting up
with it for weeks
Copy !req
25. and excuse my strong
language
Copy !req
26. but I am not a happy camper.
Copy !req
27. Will's in love, baby.
I think it's sweet.
Copy !req
28. No, no, no, baby.
No, I wuv you more. Yes.
Copy !req
29. No, no, no, no,
I wuv you more!
Copy !req
30. Alright, you wuv me more.
Copy !req
31. Isn't that romantic?
He's quoting Elmer Fudd.
Copy !req
32. Hold on, Kathleen.
Copy !req
33. Click on the other line.
Copy !req
34. Hi! It's me!
Copy !req
35. No, no, no, I miss you more.
No! I miss you more.
Copy !req
36. Alright, you miss me more.
Oh, you gotta go?
Copy !req
37. I'm gonna miss you.
Copy !req
38. No, no,
I'm gonna miss you more!
Copy !req
39. Nice trick by Aunt Viv.
Copy !req
40. Dad got us all tickets
to the People's Choice Awards.
Copy !req
41. Thanks for butting in, Hilary.
Anyway, the best part is—
Copy !req
42. We get to sit with
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Copy !req
43. and Maria Shriver.
Copy !req
44. Hilary, you promised
I could tell.
Copy !req
45. I know. I lied.
Copy !req
46. I am so excited!
Copy !req
47. Everyone from the A list is
gonna be there, which means
Copy !req
48. none of my friends are gonna be
there, which means
Copy !req
49. they are all going to corrode
with envy and hate my guts.
Copy !req
50. I love it!
Copy !req
51. I'm going to meet
Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Copy !req
52. Thank you, sir.
Thank you!
Copy !req
53. Hold on, Geoffrey.
Copy !req
54. Geoffrey, Geoffrey..
Copy !req
55. You're not having dinner
with the Terminator.
Copy !req
56. - I didn't get you a ticket.
- Ooh, that's ugly.
Copy !req
57. Philip, how could you be
so insensitive?
Copy !req
58. Geoffrey is a part of
this family.
Copy !req
59. - Major faux pas, dad.
- Poor Geoffrey.
Copy !req
60. Like his life isn't
sad enough already.
Copy !req
61. Uh, look, Geoffrey, I sincerely
apologize for my oversight
Copy !req
62. but since this
means so much to you
Copy !req
63. and you are
a part of the family
Copy !req
64. I'm sure someone here
will be glad to give up
Copy !req
65. their ticket for you.
Copy !req
66. - Bye-bye.
- I have to call Toni.
Copy !req
67. Takeout food again?
Copy !req
68. Well, we were having
leg of lamb
Copy !req
69. but I accidentally
put the oven on self-cleaning
Copy !req
70. and now the door won't open.
Copy !req
71. Takeout again?
Copy !req
72. No, Hilary, I bought a new set
of Styrofoam.
Copy !req
73. Gosh, mom, who put the rusty
nails in your granola?
Copy !req
74. Look, all this hi-tech
has got me a little on edge.
Copy !req
75. I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Copy !req
76. What, takeout food again?
Copy !req
77. What happened
to the leg of lamb?
Copy !req
78. It's being cleaned!
Is that a problem?
Copy !req
79. Geoffrey, we're ready
to serve dinner!
Copy !req
80. Takeout again?
Copy !req
81. My baby's observant.
Copy !req
82. - Isn't she observant?
- Not that observant.
Copy !req
83. Kathleen, your blouse
is unbuttoned.
Copy !req
84. - Ah, let me.
- Let her.
Copy !req
85. Better idea.
Copy !req
86. That food smells terrible.
Copy !req
87. I feel like I'm
sitting in coach.
Copy !req
88. Oh, thank you for inviting me
to the People's Choice Awards.
Copy !req
89. Think nothing of it,
it was no big deal.
Copy !req
90. Oh, it was more than a big deal,
Uncle Phil
Copy !req
91. it was a humongous deal!
Copy !req
92. I know, and we get to sit
with all the stars!
Copy !req
93. People would kill
to get those tickets.
Copy !req
94. Pardon me while I
go get a knife.
Copy !req
95. - Philip!
- I'll get him a ticket.
Copy !req
96. Everyone, look what Will
did.
Copy !req
97. He cut my steak
in the shape of a heart.
Copy !req
98. Isn't he artistic?
Copy !req
99. Uh, actually,
that was a puppy.
Copy !req
100. Oh, whatever it is, it's
beautiful. I'm gonna save
it.
Copy !req
101. And every time I look at it,
I'm gonna think of my baby.
Copy !req
102. Uh, excuse me.
Copy !req
103. This is the dinner table,
not the back seat of a
Chevy.
Copy !req
104. I want to talk to you two
in the other room. Now.
Copy !req
105. Now, it's time we discussed
this relationship.
Copy !req
106. Vivian, discuss it.
Copy !req
107. Um, well, what Philip is
trying to say is—
Copy !req
108. Don't come around here
with no babies.
Copy !req
109. Hold it, hold it.
Is that what this is all about?
Copy !req
110. Look, Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv,
I think you guys can relax.
Copy !req
111. You don't have to worry about us
coming around here
Copy !req
112. with no babies.
Copy !req
113. I mean, we don't even
know no babies.
Copy !req
114. Look, kids, now, we know you
care about each other
Copy !req
115. but you have only been
dating a short time.
Copy !req
116. Now the kind of thing you're
talking about takes commitment.
Copy !req
117. You know, Aunt Viv,
you're absolutely right.
Copy !req
118. Commitment is what
this is all about.
Copy !req
119. And as a token of my commitment
Copy !req
120. I got Kathleen this ring.
Copy !req
121. - Oh, Will!
- Oh, no.
Copy !req
122. Oh, God!
Copy !req
123. Geoffrey, where have you been?
Copy !req
124. I've been looking
all over for you.
Copy !req
125. Mrs. Banks sent me on some
errands. That is my job.
Copy !req
126. I am but a lowly servant.
Copy !req
127. Geoffrey, it took some doing
Copy !req
128. but I managed to get
you a ticket.
Copy !req
129. Thank you, sir.
I am most grateful.
Copy !req
130. Now I won't have to
slash your tires.
Copy !req
131. I'm sitting next to Arnold.
Copy !req
132. No, I'm sitting
next to Arnold.
Copy !req
133. I don't want my tires
slashed.
Copy !req
134. Geoffrey's sitting
next to Arnold.
Copy !req
135. This dress makes me
want to puke.
Copy !req
136. You can't even tell
I have a figure.
Copy !req
137. You're 13 years old. You're not
allowed to have a figure.
Copy !req
138. - You look better.
- No, no, baby, you look better.
Copy !req
139. - No, you look better.
- Alright, I look better.
Copy !req
140. Except for that rock.
Copy !req
141. Whoo, man!
Copy !req
142. If you value your vision,
you won't look
Copy !req
143. directly into the rock.
Copy !req
144. I love it, Will, thank you.
Copy !req
145. Dad?
Copy !req
146. - I'm ready.
- Finally!
Copy !req
147. What took you so long?
Copy !req
148. Oh, I just spent an hour
chasing my outfit
Copy !req
149. on the new rotating
dress rack.
Copy !req
150. Why didn't you set
the variable speed adjuster?
Copy !req
151. Philip, these gadgets are
making my life miserable.
Copy !req
152. Baby, you're the one
that's wanted to redecorate.
Copy !req
153. Well, yeah, I wanted to keep up
with the Joneses, honey
Copy !req
154. not the "Jetsons!"
Copy !req
155. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Copy !req
156. Look, before y'all split
each other's wigs
Copy !req
157. can we have
our tickets, please?
Copy !req
158. - Oh, sure.
- You lost them, didn't you?
Copy !req
159. No, I did not lose them, thank
you very much.
Copy !req
160. I know exactly where they are.
Copy !req
161. They're in my desk,
in my office..
Copy !req
162. downtown.
Copy !req
163. No problem. We'll just hop
on my dress rack and swing by.
Copy !req
164. Geoffrey, Mrs. Banks and I are
going to swing by my office.
Copy !req
165. Will's going to ride
with Kathleen
Copy !req
166. and you can drive the kids,
so we'll meet you at the awards.
Copy !req
167. Very good, sir.
Copy !req
168. Boy, this is a rare treat.
Copy !req
169. I get to cruise
Beverly Hills in a Volvo.
Copy !req
170. Hold up, baby.
I want to go get my lucky mitt.
Copy !req
171. I want Darryl Strawberry
to sign it.
Copy !req
172. What's your lucky mitt?
Copy !req
173. It's sort of like
my lucky drawers
Copy !req
174. except I wear it on my hand.
Copy !req
175. Man, this door is like
straight out of "Blacula."
Copy !req
176. It's like the '70s
crawled up in here and died.
Copy !req
177. Yeah, J. J. Walker's lips are
probably around here somewhere.
Copy !req
178. This is all my stuff I brought
from Philly, you know.
Copy !req
179. When I get homesick
I come down here.
Copy !req
180. It makes me feel better.
Copy !req
181. Where's my mitt at?
Copy !req
182. Aah! Here it is.
Copy !req
183. My mom gave me this.
She taught me how to play.
Copy !req
184. That's why
I took up basketball.
Copy !req
185. Oh, hold on.
Copy !req
186. Yo, Teddy! Jam.
Copy !req
187. Man, I used to love
this old thing.
Copy !req
188. - He's so cute!
- But I'm cuter.
Copy !req
189. Beat it, Ted.
Copy !req
190. See? I told you I knew
where they were.
Copy !req
191. - Fine, Philip, let's go.
- Okay.
Copy !req
192. Vivian? Did you see—
Copy !req
193. Oh, my God. Philip?
Copy !req
194. Geoffrey!
Take it easy on the curves!
Copy !req
195. It's not me, Master Carlton,
it's the road.
Copy !req
196. I thinks it's an..
Copy !req
197. Earthquake!
Copy !req
198. Will? It's over, Will,
we're alright.
Copy !req
199. Umm-hmm, um-hmm.
The ground moved, alright?
Copy !req
200. The ground.
The ground moved, alright?
Copy !req
201. The ground moved!
Copy !req
202. Baby, it was just
a little earthquake.
Copy !req
203. Baby, no, listen, no.
The ground moved, okay?
Copy !req
204. The ground.
The ground moved.
Copy !req
205. Nobody was bothering it,
it just moved, alright?
Copy !req
206. But it's over now,
and we're fine.
Copy !req
207. I am not fine, alright?
Copy !req
208. I'm a grown man, sitting under a
table hugging a teddy bear.
Copy !req
209. - I am not fine.
- Oh, poor baby.
Copy !req
210. I'm really, really not fine.
Copy !req
211. I'm really, really,
really not fine.
Copy !req
212. Come on, let's get up
and find out what's going on.
Copy !req
213. Hold it, baby. I'm really-really
not fine, though.
Copy !req
214. Will, I think
the door's stuck.
Copy !req
215. Oh, no, no.
No, dear, you must be crazy.
Copy !req
216. I won't let this door be stuck.
Copy !req
217. Okay, I can't breathe.
Copy !req
218. Calm down. Look, someone's
got
to come home sometime.
Copy !req
219. Baby, we'll only be down
here
a couple of hours.
Copy !req
220. Okay. But what if you wrong?
Okay?
Copy !req
221. What if they don't come home
for, like, ten years?
Copy !req
222. We'd just be like two
real, real fly skeletons.
Copy !req
223. Oh, man.
I may never see my mom again.
Copy !req
224. I may never see Zimbabwe.
Copy !req
225. Never dunk on Michael Jordan.
Copy !req
226. I may never see Rudy
get married on "The Cosbys."
Copy !req
227. Daddy, get us off
this freeway!
Copy !req
228. 'Don't panic, Hilary.'
Copy !req
229. Yeah, I don't want to
have to slap you.
Copy !req
230. Try it and you'll be
singing soprano.
Copy !req
231. 'Calm down.'
Copy !req
232. 'I'm sure traffic will be
moving any minute.'
Copy !req
233. 'It was just a small tremor.'
Copy !req
234. 'Any word on Will and Kathleen?'
Copy !req
235. They're probably
stuck in traffic as well.
Copy !req
236. This freeway's backed up
for miles!
Copy !req
237. 'Okay. Okay, kids?'
Copy !req
238. 'We're gonna stay at my office
until the power comes back on.'
Copy !req
239. 'You behave yourselves.
And Geoffrey?'
Copy !req
240. - Sir?
- 'Hang in there.'
Copy !req
241. Here we go, babe.
Copy !req
242. A spot for me
Copy !req
243. and a spot for you.
Copy !req
244. Whoa, whoa, Kathleen, hold up.
That's my spot.
Copy !req
245. Your spot's over here.
Copy !req
246. But your spot is more
comfortable.
Copy !req
247. I know.
That's why it's my spot.
Copy !req
248. - Please?
- Alright, alright.
Copy !req
249. How can I resist
those big green eyes?
Copy !req
250. Wait, baby, what happened
to your big green eyes?
Copy !req
251. I put them in my
little black purse.
Copy !req
252. Oh! You wear contacts!
Copy !req
253. Is that okay?
Copy !req
254. Yeah.
Copy !req
255. I mean, look, I love you
for what's on the inside.
Copy !req
256. And I love you because
you're so wonderful.
Copy !req
257. Will, be careful!
That's real hair!
Copy !req
258. Then why isn't it
growing out your scalp?
Copy !req
259. I just wanted to look extra
special for you tonight.
Copy !req
260. You do, baby.
You always do.
Copy !req
261. I mean, look,
not that it matters.
Copy !req
262. I mean, well,
it does, but..
Copy !req
263. Hey, look, I'm sorry
I threw your hair.
Copy !req
264. I forgive you.
Copy !req
265. Now, where were we?
Copy !req
266. Beat it, baby!
Copy !req
267. - Will!
- It's just an aftershock!
Copy !req
268. "Aftershock?" Baby, look,
I'm from Philly.
Copy !req
269. Aftershock is not
in my vocabulary.
Copy !req
270. Wind, rain, cheese steak,
these are things I know.
Copy !req
271. It's nothing. Now would you
come back over here?
Copy !req
272. - Umm-umm.
- Why not?
Copy !req
273. Because every time I come near
you, the ground starts moving.
Copy !req
274. I'm just trying
to get back to Philly
Copy !req
275. where the ground stays still
and the people move.
Copy !req
276. Wilma!
Copy !req
277. So what do you
want to sing?
Copy !req
278. How about
"Go Away Little Girl?"
Copy !req
279. Why don't we listen
to the radio?
Copy !req
280. With all due respect, Geoffrey,
I'll pick the station.
Copy !req
281. Let me do it.
Copy !req
282. I'm not listening to that.
Copy !req
283. Well, I'm not listening
to that.
Copy !req
284. - Cut it out, you guys!
- You cut it out!
Copy !req
285. - Don't talk to me like that!
- I will talk to you—
Copy !req
286. Geoffrey, what did you
do that for?
Copy !req
287. It was either the knob
or one of you.
Copy !req
288. Look what I found in the old
man's office.
Copy !req
289. Philip, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself
Copy !req
290. going through
your partner's things.
Copy !req
291. What brand is it?
Copy !req
292. You know
this is the first time
Copy !req
293. we have been
alone together in weeks.
Copy !req
294. Try months.
Copy !req
295. And..
Copy !req
296. you look ravishing
by candlelight.
Copy !req
297. I know!
Copy !req
298. Umm, and you smell
Copy !req
299. as appetizing
as you look.
Copy !req
300. Philip, are you trying
to put the moves on me?
Copy !req
301. - Yes. Is it working?
- Yes.
Copy !req
302. Ooh..
Want a belly rub?
Copy !req
303. You know
Copy !req
304. this earthquake could have been
the big one.
Copy !req
305. We shouldn't argue about things
that just don't matter.
Copy !req
306. And I'm sorry I gave you such a
hard time about the gadgets.
Copy !req
307. Oh, I'm sorry.
I get carried away
Copy !req
308. with those things at times,
baby. I'll cut back.
Copy !req
309. What is that?
Copy !req
310. It's my automatic
pulse monitor.
Copy !req
311. It likes you.
Copy !req
312. Well, honey, I hope it has
a warranty.
Copy !req
313. I'm hungry. Don't you have
any more breath mints?
Copy !req
314. No, you ate them all
without offering me one.
Copy !req
315. You can't have
my toothpick, either.
Copy !req
316. Did I ask you?
Copy !req
317. Look, baby, why don't you just
look in the freezer
Copy !req
318. and see if there's
something in there?
Copy !req
319. - Would you look?
- Why don't you look?
Copy !req
320. I thought you liked
doing things for me.
Copy !req
321. Yes, I did, until you ate
all my breath mints.
Copy !req
322. Forget it. I don't need you
to do anything for me.
Copy !req
323. Could you open this?
Copy !req
324. Thought you ain't need me
to do nothing for you.
Copy !req
325. Just open it.
Copy !req
326. - What's the magic word?
- Now!
Copy !req
327. Eh..
Guess again.
Copy !req
328. Here, look,
I can't open this thing.
Copy !req
329. I thought you supposed
to be the big man.
Copy !req
330. Look, you the one that's hungry.
Use your fingernails.
Copy !req
331. Look, look. Here. Here. Here.
Here. Here.
Copy !req
332. Knock yourself out.
Copy !req
333. Okay, look, Kathleen,
in the last three hours
Copy !req
334. you took out your eyeballs,
your fingernails
Copy !req
335. your eyelids, and your hair.
Copy !req
336. Now what else on your body
can I get at the mall?
Copy !req
337. - You are so rude!
- Me?
Copy !req
338. I've been bending over backwards
trying to make you happy.
Copy !req
339. You the one that
started tripping
Copy !req
340. ate all my breath mints.
Copy !req
341. If you mention those breath
mints one more time
Copy !req
342. I'm gonna scream!
Copy !req
343. Breath mints.
Copy !req
344. Breath mints.
Copy !req
345. Breath mints.
Copy !req
346. Breath mints, breath mints!
Copy !req
347. Wow! Everything looks
okay here to me.
Copy !req
348. Yeah.
Copy !req
349. Well, it's too bad those lights
Copy !req
350. came back on down at the office.
Copy !req
351. Baby, we can turn them
off here.
Copy !req
352. Ooh..
Copy !req
353. - What was that?
- Sounded like a scream.
Copy !req
354. 'Yeah, your mom sucks
breath mints, too!'
Copy !req
355. And I never really thought
your ears were cute
Copy !req
356. I just thought they were
big.
Copy !req
357. Yeah, well, a lot of women
seem to find them
Copy !req
358. extremely attractive.
Copy !req
359. Oh, yeah, like who?
Dumbo's mother?
Copy !req
360. Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't
find any Lee Press-On Ears.
Copy !req
361. You know, Will, I am so glad
we got stuck down here together.
Copy !req
362. It gave me a chance
to see who you really are.
Copy !req
363. You know, it gave me a chance
to see who you really are, too.
Copy !req
364. And most of you is in a pile
over there on the floor!
Copy !req
365. Yeah, right next to your
stupid teddy bear.
Copy !req
366. Hey, hey, don't be
dissing my bear!
Copy !req
367. Well, don't be
dissing my hair.
Copy !req
368. You know what? Let's kill all
this noise, sweetheart.
Copy !req
369. Maybe we don't know each other
as well as we thought.
Copy !req
370. Listen to me, I'm starting to
sound like my Uncle Phil.
Copy !req
371. Next thing I know, I'm going to
wake up bald and hungry.
Copy !req
372. Yeah, we have been moving
a little fast.
Copy !req
373. I guess I should
give this back.
Copy !req
374. Now come on, baby.
No, that's cool, keep that.
Copy !req
375. Well, it probably cost you
a lot of money.
Copy !req
376. No, it didn't.
Copy !req
377. 'Will! Kathleen?
Are you down there?'
Copy !req
378. Aunt Viv, the door is stuck!
Copy !req
379. Oh, you poor babies! You've been
trapped down here all this time.
Copy !req
380. Will, where is Kathleen?
Copy !req
381. It's me, Mrs. Banks.
Copy !req
382. I probably should go
call my parents.
Copy !req
383. - Bye, Will.
- Bye, babe.
Copy !req
384. Well, thank God nothing
happened to you.
Copy !req
385. Nothing did happen, right?
Copy !req
386. Well, to be honest,
something did happen.
Copy !req
387. Me and Kathleen decided
we just gonna chill out
Copy !req
388. for a little bit.
Copy !req
389. Y'all were right.
Copy !req
390. Now I'm gonna call my mom.
She's probably worried about me.
Copy !req
391. Philip, did you hear that?
Copy !req
392. He said we were right.
Copy !req
393. Yeah.
Copy !req
394. All it took
was an earthquake.
Copy !req
395. You think something hit him
on the head?
Copy !req