1. Boys, I'd love to go
to the Halloween party tonight...
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2. but I can only go with one of you.
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3. Okay. Tough luck, Carlton.
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4. Beat it, see you, scram, sayonara,
peace out. And so long, screwy.
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5. Not so fast. I don't even know you.
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6. Count your blessings.
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7. Now do you see, miss? This is an example
of the difference between the two of us.
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8. I mean while Carlton snaps at every opportunity
to take a cheap shot...
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9. I'm the kindest, gentlest soul
you'll ever want to meet.
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10. Melinda, I'm nice to all people.
Young and old.
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11. Like a couple weeks ago,
Carlton's grandmother visited.
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12. Who kept her company? Not Carlton.
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13. Me...
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14. What are you doing up so late?
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15. Child, I had to get up
and get breakfast started.
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16. I don't know what you all got
that Geoffrey for.
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17. - Five-card draw?
- Yeah, I'm with it.
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18. You know granny, I really like you.
You and grandpa, you have fun.
You tell jokes.
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19. - You all bust me up.
- Thank you, son.
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20. Hey, look, granny, it's late,
everybody's asleep.
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21. You can level with me.
Uncle Phil's adopted, right?
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22. Oh now, we're real proud of Zeke.
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23. Did you know he won "The Young Farmers
Of America Pig Raising" trophy?
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24. No. I didn't know that, but I'd love
to have some details about that.
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25. Won it four years running.
They had to retire his slop bucket.
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26. Slop bucket? I can't wait till he wakes up.
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27. Respect your elders, son.
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28. See, I beat you.
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29. You know, he was the first
black president of the Young Farmers.
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30. - Was that like a big thing?
- Oh, my, yes!
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31. I beat you again.
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32. That was awfully sweet of you
to play cards with her.
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33. Sweet? Well, some would say that, but...
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34. it was just me being my thoughtful self.
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35. Reality check. This guy
is far from thoughtful.
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36. He's the most selfish, irresponsible person
I have ever met.
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37. A few weeks ago, I went on a car trip,
and this guy caused all kinds of trouble.
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38. Plans for Palm Springs.
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39. Work on golf swing.
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40. Review SAT practice book.
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41. Ask Mr. Furth
about a summer internship.
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42. Get the stick out of your butt!
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43. Way to go, Will.
You almost made us crash.
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44. What are you think
you're doing here anyway?
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45. Come on. Just relax.
Pretend I'm not even here.
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46. Gladly.
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47. What you eating?
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48. For crying out loud.
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49. Can I have some?
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50. All right, Will.
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51. I'll share my snack with you
on one condition.
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52. When we get to Palm Springs,
you'll behave like a proper gentleman...
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53. and try to maintain
some sense of decorum and etiquette.
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54. - Understood?
- Yeah.
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55. Good. What do you say to an Oreo?
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56. I say, "What's up, Carlton?"
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57. He hid in the back seat?
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58. It got worse.
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59. Because of his antics,
we got arrested and thrown in jail.
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60. He's only telling
one side of the story, Melinda.
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61. When we were in jail, this boy cracked.
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62. I had to do everything in my power
to try to hold him together.
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63. This is terrible. I'm ruined.
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64. I'll be kicked out of the glee club,
I won't get into Princeton.
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65. I won't be admitted to the bar.
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66. Neither will I. The cops took my fake ID.
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67. Come on, man, don't give me
that my-dog-is-dead face.
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68. - Come on. Let's sing.
- I'm not singing.
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69. This is just retarded.
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70. Come on, man, let it go. You'll feel better.
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71. Melinda, I've been charitable so far,
but now's the time to take off the gloves.
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72. You don't know
what a date with Will is like.
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73. One evening, not so long ago,
Will was walking a young lady home...
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74. Yo, I told you, babe.
A date with me is a night to remember.
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75. What'd you think of dinner?
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76. Dinner? It was just a Slurpee.
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77. I did that for you, baby.
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78. Keep that body of yours slim, trim,
and ready for action.
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79. Well, your hamburger and fries
sure did look good.
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80. Baby, that's man food.
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81. It's getting awfully late, Will.
Shouldn't we take a cab?
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82. Well, that's awfully expensive, baby.
Let's just walk down this dark alley.
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83. All right, punk.
Your money or your girlfriend.
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84. - My brother, you're making this too easy.
- Will!
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85. Unhand her!
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86. And who are you?
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87. Banks. Carlton Banks.
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88. One second, Melinda, please.
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89. Carlton, what the hell was that?
That never happened.
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90. It could have.
Besides, when we made this bet...
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91. there was nothing in the rules
that said no lying.
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92. Well, you know,
two can play at that game.
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93. Hey. What were you two talking about?
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94. I was just asking Carlton how long
he's been a pathological liar.
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95. And he said ever since
he was the emperor of China.
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96. - You mean, the story wasn't true?
- Of course not.
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97. I'll tell you what a typical night
with me is like...
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98. Master William, you have a visitor.
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99. A Mr. Jackson.
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100. Come on, G. I don't have time
for these interruptions.
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101. I got homework forever.
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102. Tell Michael I'll have
to work on his dance steps later.
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103. That's Bo Jackson.
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104. Yo, what's up, babe?
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105. Watch the handshake, man.
There goes baseball season.
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106. My fault. What you need, man?
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107. Well, I'm throwing this formal dinner party...
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108. and Bo don't know what to serve.
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109. No problem. Let me hook you up
with my resident fun expert.
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110. - Hey, yo, Heav.
- You rang?
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111. Bo Jackson, Heavy D.
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112. - Yo.
- Yo, Bo.
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113. Tell Heav your problem.
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114. I'm throwing this formal dinner party.
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115. And when it comes to cooking,
Bo don't know diddley.
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116. I think that's pronounced diddley, diddley,
diddley, diddley, diddley, diddley.
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117. Heav, show Bo around the kitchen.
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118. No problem.
Follow me, your running backness.
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119. Thanks so much for letting me
be your close and personal friend.
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120. Back at you, babe.
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121. Hello.
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122. Hey, Will, what's up man? This is Malcolm.
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123. Yo! What up, home?
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124. Listen, I'm going on this date tonight.
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125. And I really want to impress this girl,
and I was wondering if...
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126. maybe I could tell her I know you?
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127. Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm...
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128. I mean, look, I understand your instinct...
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129. but you shouldn't try to impress a girl
with who you know.
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130. It's much better that she like you
just for yourself.
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131. If she gets to know the Malcolm I know,
I don't think she'll be able to resist.
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132. Thanks a lot, Will.
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133. Man, I don't know what I would do
without you as a close, personal friend.
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134. - Peace, man.
- Hey, peace, babe.
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135. Master William, you have another visitor.
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136. Come on, G, please.
I got to get my homework done.
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137. Terribly sorry, sir,
but he's otherwise engaged.
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138. But I happen to be his close,
personal friend.
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139. Will, I got a serious problem.
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140. Tonight I'm supposed to go in the studio
and finish up this record.
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141. I can't find the lead singer.
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142. This is real important to me.
I need your help this time, man.
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143. First of all, let's check our ego at the door.
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144. - Q, I saved your butt before.
- I know.
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145. That Thriller thing.
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146. Q, as always, you need a singer,
I'll get you a singer, man.
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147. Yo, what's up, man? This is Prince.
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148. I got Quincy Jones over here.
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149. Dude is in pain.
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150. Could you come right over?
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151. All right. In a minute, babe.
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152. - Who was that?
- Oh, a close, personal friend.
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153. Mr. Al B. Sure.
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154. - What's going on, man?
- Yo, what's up?
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155. I'm glad you could come
on such short notice.
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156. - I need a big favor.
- Anything for you.
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157. - Quincy Jones, Al B. Sure.
- AI B.
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158. Hey, Quincy Jones. What's happening?
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159. - Yo, y'all get to work on that track.
- Let's do it.
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160. Will, 8:30, I've got to see
A Different World. I'm sorry.
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161. Yeah, man. I love that show.
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162. Really?
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163. - Hey, yo, K.
- What?
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164. What's happening, babe?
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165. I want you to meet
a couple of close, personal friends of mine.
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166. Quincy Jones, Al B. Sure.
Kadeem Hardison.
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167. Man, this dude knows everybody.
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168. Yeah, that was a kind of slow night for me.
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169. So come on, what's up?
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170. - Come to the party with me.
- No, come to the party with me.
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171. Guys, guys, listen, you have both made
such good cases for yourself...
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172. it makes it even harder to choose.
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173. So, I'm going to have to go with basic...
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174. raw, physical attraction.
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175. What time should I be there, Carlton?
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176. Welcome back to Croissants Aplenty.
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177. I didn't order...
What kind of a croissant is that?
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178. It's peanut butter. And it's on the house.
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179. Looks like it's been on the floor.
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180. You look a little down.
Did you lose the contest to your friend?
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181. Yeah. Who'd have guessed it?
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182. Especially in a place this well lit.
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183. Strange things happen on Halloween.
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184. Don't remind me. I got to go
to that party tonight on the solo tip.
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185. Don't feel too bad.
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186. There's bound to be at least
one other guy there without a date.
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187. Yeah. You know, Cindy,
you're probably right.
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188. Master William, there were
three phone messages for you.
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189. From a Miss Karen, a Miss Judy,
and a Miss Trisha.
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190. What did they say?
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191. "How desperate do you think I am?"
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192. "Not on your life."
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193. And, "Ha ha ha ha ha...
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194. "ha."
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195. So, why did the security guard
stop you, Hilary?
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196. It seems I fit the description of a shoplifter
they've been trying to catch.
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197. What was the description?
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198. I don't know exactly, but it's fair
to guess that "stunning" was part of it.
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199. Eugene said he was sorry.
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200. Who is Eugene?
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201. The security guard.
Hilary invited him to the party.
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202. Why did you do that?
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203. It seemed to speed up the paperwork.
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204. Before the party starts,
I think I'll go up and get some rest.
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205. Wait a minute. Philip,
you didn't get a costume.
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206. You went to that silly gadget store.
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207. I didn't buy a silly gadget.
I bought a stapler.
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208. Only three pencils remain.
Proceed to stationery store immediately.
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209. Everyone go get ready.
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210. I'm going to put my costume on now.
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211. What is it, Hilary?
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212. A gorgeous Yves Saint Laurent dress.
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213. Scary.
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214. I just got off the phone with Melinda,
my date.
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215. She's coming as Mrs. Santa Claus.
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216. I hope that doesn't conflict
with what your date will be wearing.
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217. For your information, I have a date.
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218. What's her name?
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219. Janet Girlie.
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220. Geoffrey, isn't this a fabulous party?
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221. The entire Brat Pack is here,
plus two Twin Peakers.
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222. Oh, Miss Ashley. You look
absolutely splendid in your costume.
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223. I wanted to come as a ballerina...
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224. but I guess a short guy with a mustache
is the next best thing.
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225. Carlton. White face and lipstick.
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226. Boy, you're living out
all your fantasies tonight, huh?
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227. So, sore loser, is your date here yet?
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228. She'll be here.
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229. Will, for your information, the skeleton
over there is Elizabeth McGovern...
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230. and the unicorn standing next to her
is Kevin Bacon.
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231. And they both wish
you would stop hitting on them.
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232. Why did you come as Elton John?
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233. I'm supposed to be Superfly, Hilary.
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234. Well, your super fly's open.
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235. Trick or treat!
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236. Can I take a look
inside those bags, please?
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237. What kind of outfit is that
for a Halloween party?
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238. I'm going as Comfortable Man.
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239. Is that a comic-book hero?
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240. Sort of.
He has superhuman bill-paying powers...
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241. so he gets to dress however he likes.
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242. Love that costume, Daddy.
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243. Oh, no.
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244. Well, Philip, do you know
who I'm supposed to be?
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245. I don't care. You look fantastic.
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246. What are you looking at, clown?
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247. Oh, look. There's Kiefer Sutherland
talking to River Phoenix.
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248. What happened to your date, Carlton?
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249. Did she hit her head
and her eyesight come back?
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250. She's powdering her nose.
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251. I can understand your bitterness, Will.
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252. The party's almost over,
and you lost the bet.
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253. Ladies and gentlemen...
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254. Cinderella.
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255. Hello. Is my prince here?
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256. Hello, Will.
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257. Do I know you?
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258. Give a guy your last
peanut-butter croissant...
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259. he forgets you in a minute.
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260. Cindy? The waitress?
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261. That's right.
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262. Baby, that hairnet
was doing nothing for you.
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263. Will, can I be your date tonight?
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264. Baby, forget tonight.
Let's block out the next 50 years.
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265. Why did you decide to come?
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266. Well, when the two of you showed up
at the restaurant...
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267. I thought you were just
a couple of macho clods.
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268. But when you came back,
you were so sweet.
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269. I guess I'm a sucker for a sad puppy.
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270. This doesn't affect our bet, Will.
I still found a date first.
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271. Stop it! Let go of me, you creep!
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272. Eugene, what are you doing? I thought...
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273. our agreement was
you could come to my party...
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274. but you couldn't falsely arrest anybody.
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275. This isn't a false arrest.
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276. This is the shoplifter I mistook you for.
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277. This girl's a kleptomaniac.
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278. - My silverware.
- That's my watch.
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279. My date.
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280. Let this be a lesson to all of you.
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281. You don't have to break the law
to have a happy Halloween.
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282. Good night, now.
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283. Will, may I have this dance?
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284. Yeah, baby. Your prince is in effect.
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285. Where do you live?
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286. I live with my stepmother
and her two daughters...
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287. in Encino.
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288. So, do you work every night?
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289. Yeah. I have to stay at the cafe and wait
for everyone to leave, and sweep up.
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290. Where'd you get this fly costume at?
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291. Well, I was sweeping up,
and an old lady came in...
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292. and she...
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293. It's a long story.
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294. Oh, no.
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295. I didn't know it was so late. I've got to go.
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296. Cindy, wait!
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297. I'm sorry, Will.
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298. Her slipper.
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299. Could it be?
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300. I've been touched by magic.
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301. Oh, my God.
I can't believe I dropped my shoe.
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302. Maybe I should try
some of those insole thingies.
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303. Listen, here's my number.
Call me tomorrow.
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304. I can't believe Carlton went to sleep.
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305. Why couldn't he help us clean up?
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306. If you found out the only person
in the world that would go out with you...
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307. was mentally deranged,
you'd go to bed early, too.
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308. Trick or treat!
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309. I'm sorry, we're out of candy.
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310. How come you guys came so late?
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311. We were watching Matlock.
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312. I got something better than candy.
A scary story.
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313. It was a cold, dreary, wintry night.
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314. October 31 was the date.
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315. There was a couple of little kids
dressed just like you...
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316. trick or treating in Bel-Air around 8:00.
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317. Now, normally Bel-Air was safe and sound.
But this year, things were ill.
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318. But, as on every Halloween,
the parents sent their kids out...
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319. not knowing this year it wasn't chill.
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320. There was a rude awakening
in this Bel-Air town...
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321. no more tranquility or peace.
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322. Not Jason, Michael Myers,
or Freddie Krueger...
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323. but this monster was called
the Bel-Air Beast.
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324. This monster was dreadfully ugly...
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325. and he bothers you when you're all alone.
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326. A face like nothing
you've ever seen before...
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327. and he reeks of Polo cologne.
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328. He stalks his victims slowly,
with the world's most terrible breath.
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329. But he doesn't use an axe or a chain saw...
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330. he talks his victims to death.
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331. So if you see this monster...
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332. run and don't look back, kids.
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333. This monster's called the Bel-Air Beast...
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334. and, oh, my goodness, there he is!
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