1. Thank you, Geoffrey.
Copy !req
2. - Mom!
- It's only a weekend.
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3. Besides, at your age
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4. you should be able to
babysit your little sister.
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5. Nuh-uh.
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6. Why can't Geoffrey
babysit her?
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7. Because we're giving him
the weekend off.
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8. You mean I'm going to have to
get my own breakfast, too?
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9. Am I being punished
for something?
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10. I was just asking myself
that same question.
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11. But, dad, I'm only nine.
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12. Can't Hilary
take care of herself?
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13. Oh, hi, Hilary.
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14. Now, Ashley,
you be a good girl
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15. while we're in Palm Springs.
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16. Well, I'm in a bad mood
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17. and somebody is
going to suffer.
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18. Please take me with you.
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19. If I could, sweety,
I'd put you in my pocket
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20. but this retreat is just
for members of the law firm
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21. and their wives or spouses.
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22. No kids allowed.
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23. Man, this is gon' be hype!
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24. Yo, Palm Springs!
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25. The home of
the dental floss bikini.
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26. Will, before you get
your mojo working..
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27. I think there's something
you should know.
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28. You're not going.
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29. Yo, you better
tell that to my mojo
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30. 'cause his bags is packed.
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31. That's gonna be
Henry and Margaret.
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32. Uh, Geoffrey, would you
get that, please?
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33. Right away, sir.
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34. I shall tend to
my hernia a bit later.
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35. Hey, Uncle Phil, man,
I-I don't think
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36. you want to leave me here
all weekend
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37. you know, with no
adult supervision.
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38. Did you see that movie
"House Party?"
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39. No. Did you see
"The Terminator?"
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40. Mr. and Mrs. Furth.
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41. Well, kids,
the limo's waiting.
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42. We'll drive right
to the helicopter.
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43. - Helicopter?
- I just got my license.
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44. My man Henry.
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45. Wouldn't it be nice
if you could have
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46. your car with you
in Palm Springs?
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47. What if you could find
a nice, responsible young man
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48. to drive it there for you?
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49. Will, that's a super idea.
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50. Carlton, you're a nice,
responsible young man.
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51. And you're an eminent
respected attorney
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52. and your wife
is a dazzling beauty.
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53. Yo, G, did you leave
a vacuum cleaner on?
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54. I just heard
a loud sucking noise.
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55. Carlton, old sport
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56. how would you like
to drive my Mercedes
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57. to Palm Springs
this weekend?
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58. You could hang around the
retreat, play some golf.
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59. And you know the chicks
in Palm Springs
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60. wear the skimpiest
of bikinis.
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61. Well, I sure could use
a good game of golf.
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62. Good show.
See you there.
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63. Okay, everybody.
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64. Last one in the chopper
is a rotten egg.
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65. - See you, kiddo.
- 'Uh-huh.'
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66. - Okay. Take care.
- 'See you, dad.'
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67. - 'Have a good trip.'
- Okay, son.
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68. Why so glum, chum?
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69. It was my idea for me to drive
his car to Palm Springs.
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70. How come he asked you to do it?
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71. This is a black thing, isn't it?
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72. 'A, B, C, D,
E, F, G, H..'
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73. Plans for Palm Springs.
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74. One, work on golf swing.
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75. Two, review SAT Practice book.
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76. Three, ask Mr. Furth about
a summer internship.
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77. Four, get the stick
out of your butt.
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78. Way to go, Will.
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79. You almost made us crash.
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80. What do you think
you're doing here anyway?
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81. Oh, come on, just relax, C.
Pretend I'm not even here.
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82. Gladly.
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83. What you eating?
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84. Oh, for crying out loud.
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85. Could I have some?
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86. Alright, Will,
I'll share my snack with you
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87. on one condition,
when we get to Palm Springs
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88. you will behave
like a proper gentleman
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89. and try to maintain some sense
of decorum and etiquette.
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90. - Understood?
- Yeah.
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91. Good.
What do you say to an Oreo?
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92. I say,
"What's up, Carlton?"
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93. I can't believe we're lost.
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94. What's the name of this street?
"Arguello Drive."
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95. Maybe that'll get us
back to the freeway.
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96. Here. Let me check.
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97. No, man. No freeways, son, I..
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98. Hey, C-Carlton,
look out! A low bridge!
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99. Look, thanks a lot, man.
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100. Now we got to go back
and get my head.
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101. And I really
liked that head.
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102. Can the yuck fest, Will.
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103. We're lost
and it's all your fault.
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104. You're the one
that ain't bring no map.
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105. Well, you're the one that have
to go to the bathroom.
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106. You're the one
that gave me that Shasta.
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107. - Is that the police?
- Punch it, man.
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108. We're in a Benz.
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109. Are you crazy?
I call this a lucky break.
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110. A policeman is our pal.
We can ask him for directions.
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111. Listen to me, Carlton,
when he comes up
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112. keep your hands
on the wheel.
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113. Good evening, officer.
Carlton Banks.
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114. Keep your hands
on the wheel.
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115. Where you heading?
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116. We're going to Palm Springs.
And yourself?
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117. Where are you headed
this fine evening?
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118. Good job, Carlton. Now he's gon'
want to see your license.
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119. - Right.
- Can I see your license?
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120. My license? Yeah.
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121. I have to warn you
this picture was taken
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122. without my contacts.
And the height is a typo.
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123. I'm actually a lot taller.
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124. Fool, this is not
"The Love Connection."
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125. - Vehicle registration, please.
- Just a sec.
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126. But the thing is, officer,
this isn't my car.
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127. - Get out of the car, Carlton.
- What?
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128. He's going to tell us
to get out of the car.
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129. You watch too much TV, Will.
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130. Get out of the car.
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131. Officer, honestly,
I don't see the need to—
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132. Hey, hey!
Get out of the car now.
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133. Okay, Carlton,
thanks to you
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134. we're already an hour late
to bikini land.
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135. So, when they interrogate us,
which they like to do
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136. keep all your answers
short and sweet.
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137. Will, I know how
to handle this.
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138. I'm pre-law.
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139. Okay, fellas, let's start
at the beginning.
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140. - Where are you from?
- LA.
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141. - Well, not exactly.
- Next question, please.
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142. Now let's hear what your
friend has to say.
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143. Actually, we come from Bel-Air.
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144. In fact, we live two houses away
from the Reagans.
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145. We have the same pool man.
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146. And where were you headed to?
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147. The desert.
Next question, please.
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148. Not just the desert,
Palm Springs.
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149. We're going to
a legal retreat.
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150. It's at Henry Furth's villa,
he's my father's partner
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151. and the owner of the car
we were driving.
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152. Oh, he is, is he?
Then why didn't he drive it
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153. himself to Palm Springs?
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154. Because his wife flew
everybody in her helicopter.
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155. Okay, fellas, we've had
a lot of car thefts
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156. in the area lately.
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157. You want to talk about it?
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158. Okay, I think it's terrible.
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159. You making fun of me, kid?
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160. You're the one who wanted to
talk about it.
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161. Why, frankly, I think it's a
matter for the police to handle.
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162. Carlton,
they're handling it now.
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163. What on earth
are you talking about?
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164. They think
we stole the Benz.
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165. Officers,
let me call Henry Furth
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166. he's the owner of the car
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167. and he'll straighten
everything out.
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168. Sure. Sure.
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169. And while you're at it
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170. you might want to give
Ron and Nancy
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171. a ring-a-ding-ding.
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172. Come on. It's up!
It's up! It's up!
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173. - Come on!
- Oh!
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174. You bum.
You miserable bum.
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175. What a great game.
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176. Would you get that, honey?
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177. - Hello?
- May I speak to Philip Banks?
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178. Thanks? For what?
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179. No, I said Philip Banks.
Can I speak to him?
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180. Oh, I don't see him,
he must have stepped out.
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181. Can you call back later?
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182. No. Is Mr. Furth there?
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183. Yes. This is Mrs. Furth.
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184. Oh, Mrs. Furth.
This is Carlton. Carlton banks.
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185. Oh, Carlton,
how are you, dear?
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186. Mrs. Furth, you've gotta get
a message to my father.
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187. It's very important.
I'm in jail.
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188. Yale? Marvelous.
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189. Oh, I've got to go now.
See you soon, dear.
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190. Oh, Philip, Vivian.
Carlton just called.
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191. - Is everything alright?
- Oh, I should say so.
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192. He got into Yale.
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193. Yale?
That's my alma mater.
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194. Carlton's only a sophomore,
he's not applied to college yet.
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195. Oh, you know Margaret,
I'm sure she got it wrong.
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196. Probably wasn't Yale.
Probably wasn't a call.
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197. Probably wasn't even a phone.
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198. I'm not getting back into
that helicopter with her.
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199. Yo, yo, C, it's-it's alright,
man, chill.
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200. Yo, I get a phone call, too.
C, it's alright. Chill.
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201. Get it.
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202. Hilary, you're sitting
right next to the phone.
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203. I don't care,
I'm your babysitter.
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204. I command you.
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205. Phone.
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206. Let me know if it's for me.
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207. But, Miss Hilary,
I'm off duty.
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208. And you're sitting
right next to the phone.
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209. Yeah, but you're
facing the phone.
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210. Lazy House.
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211. Hey, G, w-what up, yo?
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212. Uh, this is Will, man.
I-I need a big favor.
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213. Uh-uh, I'm tired of doing favors
for you spoiled children.
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214. I'm off duty.
I am not an animal.
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215. Hey, yo, man.
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216. I need another phone call.
My butler hung up on me.
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217. Okay, fellas, you want to talk
about those other car thefts?
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218. Look, I don't think you know
who you're talking to.
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219. I have a 3.95
grade point average
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220. which would have been a 4.0
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221. except that I had to
take a ceramics class
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222. and my pot exploded in my kiln.
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223. I'm going to go
to Harvard Law School
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224. and graduate with honors
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225. and then I'm going
to sue you blind.
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226. Now, give us
another phone call.
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227. I think he likes you.
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228. This is terrible.
I'm ruined.
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229. I'll be kicked out
of the Glee Club.
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230. I won't get into Princeton.
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231. I won't be admitted
to the bar.
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232. Neither will I.
The cops took my fake ID.
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233. Oh, come on, man, don't give me
that my-dog-is-dead face.
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234. - Come on. Let's sing.
- I'm not singing.
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235. Come on.
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236. This is just retarded.
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237. Come on, man. Let it go.
You'll feel better.
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238. Yo, that was dope, Bob!
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239. Take five?
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240. Yo, C, we got to get
out of here, man.
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241. That big dude
is making me nervous.
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242. Why?
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243. Anytime you see
a white guy in jail
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244. you know he did
something bad.
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245. Man, we got to get a message
to Uncle Phil.
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246. He's a lawyer
and he'll get us out of here.
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247. But they won't give us
any more phone calls.
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248. Not that it matters,
the game was on so loud
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249. Mrs. Furth couldn't
even hear what I said.
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250. - The game?
- Yeah. The football game on TV.
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251. That's all they do
at these retreats.
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252. Alright, alright. We out of
here, man. I got an idea.
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253. - Yo!
- Yeah.
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254. My, uh, buddy here
is ready to confess.
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255. - 'Come on!'
- 'Come on! Look at this!'
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256. - Man, oh!
- He's going for the touchdown!
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257. (all)
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
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258. (man on TV)
'We interrupt this game
for a special report.'
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259. You bum!
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260. This is Steve Goddard of the
Minute Man 21 News Team
Copy !req
261. at the Santa Juanesta
Police Station.
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262. The recent rash of car thefts
in the Palm Springs area
Copy !req
263. has finally been solved, as the
perpetrators were arrested
Copy !req
264. earlier this evening.
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265. 'The ringleader
agreed to confess'
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266. only if a camera crew
were present to broadcast live.
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267. What you're about to see is a
Minute Man 21 News exclusive.
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268. Yeah! We done it!
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269. Word to big bird.
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270. We vicked eight Benzitos
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271. fifteen Jags, and a Maserati
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272. but I ain't like
the upholstery
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273. so I took it back, jack!
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274. Uh, do you have
anything to say?
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275. Dad!
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276. - Aunt Viv!
- Dad!
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277. - Who is in charge here?
- I am.
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278. Let those kids out.
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279. These kids are
car thieves.
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280. And you have made
a big mistake.
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281. Now I don't know how you got
that bogus confession
Copy !req
282. out of them
but those two boys
Copy !req
283. haven't stolen
a thing from anyone.
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284. This has got to be the biggest
amateur operation I've seen
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285. since "Mayberry RFD."
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286. Could you ask your wife
to calm down?
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287. Calm yourself,
Barney Fife!
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288. Vivian, please.
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289. Now, officers,
I'm sure we can clear
Copy !req
290. this whole matter up
quite easily.
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291. Would you please sit down?
We're busy now.
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292. Oh, honey, we're about
to get very busy up in here.
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293. - Sit down!
- Hey!
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294. You don't talk to
my wife like that.
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295. Now, wait a minute, buddy.
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296. Who the hell do you think
you're talking to?
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297. Who the hell do you think
you're talking to?
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298. - What's going on here?
- May I help you, sir?
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299. I'm Henry Furth.
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300. Good news, Mr. Furth.
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301. Your car is safe and sound
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302. and we've got
the perpetrators.
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303. Those aren't
the perpetrators.
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304. Those are my partner's
son and nephew.
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305. - Partner?
- Legal partner.
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306. I've got a few
questions for you.
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307. When you got this
alleged confession
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308. from these two young men,
did they have a lawyer present?
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309. No. Because I'm their lawyer.
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310. Did you notify
their parents?
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311. No, because we're their parents.
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312. So, officer,
don't tell us to wait.
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313. And don't tell us to sit down.
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314. Just open that damn cell and
let those two boys out of there
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315. or I'm gonna tie this place up
with so much litigation
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316. that your grandchildren
are gonna need lawyers!
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317. Open the cell, Jerry.
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318. Peace out, Bob.
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319. Geoffrey,
I want a duck salad.
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320. When exactly do you
go back on duty?
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321. When your parents
walk through that door
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322. and not a moment sooner.
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323. 'Hi. We're home.'
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324. Drat.
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325. Hilary, how'd everything go
with Ashley?
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326. Mother, she was
a little angel.
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327. She polished my nails
and cleaned out my closet.
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328. And to reward her,
we went to this little cafe
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329. that's owned by John Cougar
Mellencamp, Kim Basinger
Copy !req
330. and Doogie Howser's
business manager.
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331. And we spent the whole afternoon
drinking espresso.
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332. You let Ashley
drink espresso?
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333. Hi, mom! Hi, dad!
Let's go play! Let's go play!
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334. Come on, everybody,
let's go play!
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335. Oh, my God, not..
Copy !req
336. Not tonight, sweety. We kinda
had an exhausting weekend.
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337. - What happened?
- We got arrested.
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338. - Arrested?
- By who? The fashion police?
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339. No, the police thought
we stole Mr. Furth's car
Copy !req
340. but they were just trying
to do their jobs.
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341. Why did they think
you stole it?
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342. Hillary, we've been
over that all weekend.
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343. It's late and I think
we all should go to bed.
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344. Oh, I don't want to go to bed.
I want to play monopoly.
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345. I want to jump rope.
Let's go paint my room!
Copy !req
346. Geoffrey,
some warm milk, please.
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347. - 'Yo, Carlton.'
- Yeah?
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348. Those cops were just
trying to do their jobs?
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349. Will, don't get all
bent out of shape.
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350. Man, you ain't learn
nothing this weekend, did you?
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351. I most certainly did.
Always bring a map.
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352. What?
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353. If we would've had a map
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354. we wouldn't have had to drive
two miles an hour
Copy !req
355. trying to find
a freeway entrance
Copy !req
356. and we wouldn't
have been stopped.
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357. Oh, okay, okay.
I get it now.
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358. We were stopped 'cause
we were driving too slow.
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359. We were breaking
the slowness limit.
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360. Oh, okay, well, you see, I never
heard of that law before
Copy !req
361. but I did hear this other law
Copy !req
362. it's called that
"If you see a black guy
Copy !req
363. "driving anything
but a burnt out Pinto
Copy !req
364. you better stop him
because he stole it law."
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365. Yeah, I heard about that one.
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366. Oh, but, see, I-I thought it was
"The Black Guy Law"
Copy !req
367. when in actuality, it was
the "Slowness Limit Law."
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368. Oh. Thank you for sharing that
with me, Carlton. Goodnight.
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369. They were just
doing their job.
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370. - Goodnight, Carlton.
- What's your complaint here?
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371. We were detained
for a few hours.
Copy !req
372. Dad cleared things up
and we were released.
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373. The system works.
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374. I hope you like that system
'cause you're gonna be seeing
Copy !req
375. a whole lot of it
during your lifetime.
Copy !req
376. Not if I bring a map.
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377. You just don't get it, do you?
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378. No map is going to save you
Copy !req
379. and neither is
your Glee Club
Copy !req
380. or your fancy Bel-Air dress
or who your daddy is
Copy !req
381. 'cause when you're
driving in a nice car
Copy !req
382. in a strange neighborhood,
none of that matters.
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383. They only see one thing.
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384. Well, maybe growing up
where you did
Copy !req
385. has made you a little touchy.
Copy !req
386. But I think you've blown this
thing way out of proportion.
Copy !req
387. If you look at the facts..
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388. Carlton, it's late.
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389. It's a school day tomorrow, son.
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390. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, dad.
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391. Um, y-you know, it was awfully
nice of Mr. Furth
Copy !req
392. to help us out.
Copy !req
393. I'll have to write him
a Thank You note.
Copy !req
394. It shouldn't have happened
in the first place, son.
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395. Goodnight.
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396. Dad?
Copy !req
397. If you were a policeman
Copy !req
398. and you saw a car
driving two miles an hour
Copy !req
399. wouldn't you stop it?
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400. I asked myself that question
Copy !req
401. the first time I was stopped.
Copy !req
402. Goodnight, son.
Copy !req
403. I would stop it.
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