1. What dog did he steal
that sweater from?
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2. Probably his wife.
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3. Good God!
Who shot the couch?
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4. Give her a break, Hilary.
She just won the Kentucky Derby.
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5. Whoa! Who's that lady
with Nell Carter?
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6. That's not Nell Carter.
That's my father!
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7. God, you're so shallow.
I hate you.
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8. You're stupid and ugly
and I wish you would die.
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9. - Sorry.
- Okay.
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10. Whoa! Look at her!
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11. Brake! Brake! Brake!
Hit the brake, Will!
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12. What, what in the hell
are you doing?
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13. I'm sorry, man,
it ain't my fault.
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14. I-I panicked. That squirrel
came out of nowhere.
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15. Philip, I'll call the manager
and have him remove the cart.
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16. Oh, let's just draw more
attention to ourselves.
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17. - Get in the cart, Vivian.
- No!
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18. I'm sorry, Mr. Banks
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19. but, uh, no golf carts
in the dining room.
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20. Well, Will, you certainly made
a name at this country club.
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21. I wouldn't be surprised
if they revoked
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22. our shuffleboard privileges.
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23. That's fine with me, man. This
place is wack. I'm out of here.
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24. 'Ooh, hold up.'
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25. Ooh, special bulletin.
Hormones to Will.
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26. Hormones to Will.
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27. Hold up yourself, Will.
That's Mimi Mumford.
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28. You can't get
to first base with her
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29. unless you can
impress her father.
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30. 'He's an eminent surgeon,
a championship polo player'
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31. and around these parts,
he's known as Dr. No.
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32. - Why they call him that?
- Because he never says "Yes."
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33. No young man is good enough
for his daughter.
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34. Well, he ain't gonna
have a chance to tell me no
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35. 'cause I ain't gonna ask.
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36. Mimi, if you're not busy
on Friday night
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37. would you like to accompany me
to the Apple Blossom ball?
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38. No!
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39. - What's your name, boy?
- Uh, uh, uh..
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40. What school do you go to? What
college are you applying to?
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41. And what's your career plans?
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42. I-I-I'm just a sophomore, sir.
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43. I don't really know yet.
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44. Out of here, son.
You disgust me.
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45. So, what kind of guy
does Dr. No say yes to?
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46. Fellas with good grades,
good manners, good looks.
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47. In a word, me.
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48. So why haven't you made your
move on Miss Mimi?
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49. Not my type.
Doesn't tickle my fancy.
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50. Yeah, well,
she can tickle mine.
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51. If only wishing made it so.
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52. Let's face it, Will,
you lack the social graces
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53. to impress someone
like Dr. No.
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54. Boy, you must be on dog food.
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55. I am the most handsome,
the most intelligent
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56. and unequivocally
the most flamboyant bachelor
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57. since Billy Dee.
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58. This isn't West Philly, Will.
It's Bel-Air.
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59. And the women here
are different.
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60. I guarantee you,
Dr. No will say no.
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61. - Oh, yeah, I bet he won't.
- I bet he will.
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62. - I bet he won't.
- I'll bet he will.
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63. Who says the art of conversation
is dead?
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64. Alright, Will. You think
you can be a gentleman?
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65. How do you propose
on going about it?
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66. Carlton, it's very easy
to be a geek.
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67. All I have to do
is follow you around for a day.
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68. It isn't as easy
as it looks.
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69. And with your
father's permission
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70. I'd love to escort you
to the Apple Blossom ball.
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71. I had no idea you two
were getting along so well.
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72. - Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What's going on here, Carlton?
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73. Will's got a thing
for Mimi Mumford
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74. so I'm teaching him how to be
a perfect gentleman.
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75. Oh! I want a piece of this.
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76. Observe, Will,
this is how a perfect gentleman
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77. talks to a young lady.
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78. "Say there, Mimi,
might I say
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79. that you rate a perfect ten
on my niftiness meter?"
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80. Uh, I don't think so.
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81. So, Uncle Phil, uh, how did you
used to crack on the girlies?
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82. What I'm about to tell you
is going
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83. to change your life forever.
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84. - Are you listening?
- Yeah.
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85. First, I take her hand
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86. then I stroke it gently
but imperceptibly
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87. look deep into her eyes,
blow gently in her ear
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88. let my mouth curl up
into a smile
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89. make a low, rumbling,
hypnotic sound.
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90. Hmm.
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91. Ooh! Philip, that's what you did
on our first date.
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92. That's right.
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93. You're lucky you got
a second one.
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94. Allow me, sir.
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95. Certainly, Geoffrey, if you
think you can do any better.
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96. Mademoiselle..
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97. my life was but
a mere whisper
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98. until you entered into it.
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99. Whether it was chance
or blind fate
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100. or kismet, if you will,
that brought us together..
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101. I would be remiss
to let this moment pass
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102. without telling you
how deeply
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103. you have affected
the very core of my being.
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104. Ooh, baby!
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105. - The fish knife.
- Yeah, right.
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106. No, it is right.
He got it right.
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107. He got it right!
He got it right!
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108. - He did?
- He got it right!
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109. Get your own geisha.
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110. Excuse me, Master Carlton.
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111. You were saying?
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112. Will, he picked out
the fish knife.
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113. Will, I want you
to pay very close attention.
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114. Which one is the shrimp fork?
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115. By George,
I think he's got it.
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116. Oh, where did he get
that jacket?
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117. Probably off the rack.
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118. Say, did you hear
about his Jaguar?
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119. The one he bought second hand?
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120. Okay, now, just remember
you're from Connecticut
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121. and you're transferred
to Bel-Air Academy
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122. and you row
on the crew team.
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123. Now, where did you
transfer from?
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124. - Bendover.
- It's Andover.
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125. We're going back home.
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126. I was joking, man.
Relax. Hook-hook it up.
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127. I beg your pardon,
Dr. Mumford.
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128. I have a friend
who's new in town.
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129. He's the new star
on the crew team.
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130. - Would you like to meet him?
- No!
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131. I respect your wishes, sir.
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132. But I'd just like to say kudos
on that polo match.
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133. Super form.
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134. Ah, you saw it, huh? Excuse me.
Uh, I didn't get your name.
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135. Smithers, sir. Heh-heh!
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136. Kip Smithers.
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137. Well, have a seat, Smithers.
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138. - May I join you, sir?
- No.
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139. So, Smithers,
what school do you go to?
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140. What college have you
applied to?
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141. And what's your career plans?
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142. Bel-Air Academy, Princeton
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143. and thoracic surgery, sir.
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144. Hmm.
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145. Thoracic surgery.
That's my field.
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146. What aspect of it
interests you the most?
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147. Um, the cutting part.
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148. Ah, that's the part
I like, too.
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149. Listen, I'm glad
you're a fan of polo.
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150. You know, I have a very fine
string of Arabians.
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151. Oh, really?
With turbans and everything?
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152. Very, very funny, Smithers.
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153. Very funny.
You had me there for a moment.
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154. I thought you were
a blithering idiot.
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155. Uh, there's my daughter.
Would you like to meet her?
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156. Oh, gosh, sir. There's a big
question mark on that one.
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157. I seem to be painfully shy
with the fairer sex.
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158. Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
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159. - Oh, hi, daddy.
- Poodles.
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160. There is someone
I'd like you to meet.
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161. Mimi, Kip Smithers.
Varsity crew from Bel-Air.
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162. A gentleman and a scholar
and soon to be a fine surgeon.
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163. You flatter me, sir.
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164. I'll just leave
the two of you alone.
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165. - Phew! Mimi.
- Look!
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166. Before you get yourself
all worked up into a lather
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167. I just would like to say this.
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168. I am sick of you white-washed,
preppy stuffed shirts.
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169. Uh, what?
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170. Look, I don't need some stooge
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171. who's gonna play
up to my father.
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172. I want a real man. Someone
dangerous. Someone exciting.
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173. Someone from the streets.
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174. - Oh! What's so funny?
- Yo, baby, yo, baby, yo, baby.
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175. Yo! Your prince
is in effect, baby.
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176. I'm not down
with this preppy nonsense.
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177. Carlton told me to do this.
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178. Yo, baby, I'm definitely
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179. straight out the hood.
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180. That was the worst homeboy act
I've ever heard.
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181. Well, it's not an act.
It's the real deal, baby.
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182. - Yo, C! Come here!
- Mimi. Kip.
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183. Carlton, would you please tell
her who I really am?
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184. - Who you really are?
- Yes.
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185. He is Kip Smithers,
from Connecticut.
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186. He transferred from Andover
to Bel-Air
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187. so he could row
with the crew.
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188. No, no, no. Tell her
where I'm really from.
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189. England.
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190. For future reference, Will
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191. our club frowns
on strangulation.
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192. This is all your fault, man.
You got me into this mess.
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193. - Me?
- Y-yeah!
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194. T-this preppy nonsense. I knew
women didn't like that mess.
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195. If I would've had my way,
I would've had my way.
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196. Congratulate me.
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197. It took all day
but I finally found
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198. the perfect pair
of alligator pumps to wear
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199. to the Save the Everglades
rally tonight.
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200. Will has a crush
on Mimi Mumford.
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201. That fat girl?
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202. Mimi is not fat.
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203. Not today.
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204. Liposuction.
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205. She's been vacuumed more times
than a hooked rug.
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206. Well, she looks good now, right?
I don't see your point.
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207. Just wave a chili-cheese dog
in front of her nose
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208. and see how much of your arm
you come back with.
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209. Will!
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210. So, how did it go
with Mimi Mumford?
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211. He struck out.
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212. Okay, Will, you've taken advice
from Carlton
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213. from Philip, and Geoffrey
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214. but you have not gone
to the most logical source
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215. the woman of the house.
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216. Now, before I was married,
I had my share of admirers.
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217. A sorrier bunch of deadbeats
you'll never meet.
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218. The ones that I was most
attracted to were the ones
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219. who were secure enough
to just be themselves.
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220. And that's my advice to you.
Just be yourself.
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221. Thanks, Aunt Viv.
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222. Come, sweetie.
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223. So, Will, are you going
to take mom's advice?
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224. Man, you got to be crazy.
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225. Mimi wants
a street-wise, Harley
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226. ba-ba-bad-to-the-bones
type guy, man.
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227. If I could show her
that I'm dangerous
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228. I'll have her like that.
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229. - I'll bet you wouldn't.
- I'll bet I would.
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230. - I'll bet you wouldn't.
- I'll bet you wouldn't.
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231. - I'll bet you would.
- See, I fooled you.
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232. Alright, now remember,
I'm wanted in five states.
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233. I'm hidin' out from the police
for robbin' a gun store.
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234. And what did I do
before then?
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235. You went to Penn State.
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236. I went to the state pen.
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237. Sorry. I thought Penn State
was bad enough.
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238. Mimi, top of the evening.
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239. Carlton, for the 900th time,
no, I will not go out with you.
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240. I thought you said
she wasn't your type.
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241. She isn't.
She's too negative.
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242. I'm not here for that.
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243. Although if you just gave it
some objective thought..
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244. Anyway, I'm here for him.
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245. Does he need to go
to the bathroom?
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246. No, he's just being
his bad self.
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247. What you saw before
was just a charade.
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248. Kip is his street name.
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249. K-I-P. It stands
for "Conceived In Prison."
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250. He's my cousin
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251. and he's from
the Bedford-Stuyvesant
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252. region of Brooklyn
wherein he is a felon.
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253. Okay. Then what is he
doing here in Bel-Air?
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254. He's living with us to escape,
and I quote, "The man."
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255. Voila.
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256. I thought you said
he rowed crew?
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257. Huh, no, no, baby.
You misunderstood.
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258. He said I wrote
for the 2 Live Crew.
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259. But, see, they kicked me out
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260. because my lyrics
was too abrasive.
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261. He's as nasty as he wants to be.
I kid you not.
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262. Hey, baby,
you look so good
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263. I wish I could plant you
and grow a whole field of y'all.
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264. Yo, baby, Fresh Prince in full
effect. It's time to get busy.
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265. You can't, hey?
Can you, baby?
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266. You work on that,
alright, baby?
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267. - Salutations, doctor.
- Oh.
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268. This is quite an intense
shindig, huh?
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269. Listen, I just want to find out
how things are goin' with Mimi.
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270. Well, I'm having
a little trouble
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271. breaking the proverbial ice, sir
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272. and I really hope
I don't embarrass myself
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273. you know, being in your
illustrious presence and all.
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274. Oh, don't worry,
I'll just make myself scarce
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275. but I do have
one piece of advice.
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276. - Be yourself.
- That's a natch, sir.
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277. This music is def,
exceptionally def.
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278. Carlton, beat it!
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279. I'm dope. Yo!
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280. Now, what were you talking to my
father about?
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281. Yo, baby, I told him
if he don't stay out my face
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282. we're going to take it
to the street.
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283. Baby, you close your eyes
when you dance with me.
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284. - Salutations yet again, doctor.
- Oh.
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285. Just a thought. Mimi loves
horses and you love polo..
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286. I thought that might
break the ice.
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287. Oh, thanks for the prescription,
doc. Enough said.
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288. So, what were you talking to my
father about this time?
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289. I wasn't listening to him, baby.
I was stealing his wallet.
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290. Oh, Kip, I'm so sorry
I didn't believe you before.
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291. I should have seen right through
that thin charade.
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292. Hey, let's go someplace
and get busy.
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293. Yes, ma'am.
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294. But first,
I want you to rap for me.
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295. What?
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296. You know,
let me hear some of them
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297. abrasive lyrics.
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298. Oh, oh, okay, baby.
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299. This one I got banned
in Buffalo for.
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300. And that is just
the type of music
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301. we will not let our children
listen to.
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302. Smithers, what is the meaning
of that ridiculous hat?
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303. Who put this on my head?
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304. - Daddy, isn't he funny?
- Ha-ha!
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305. No. He disgusts me.
Get out of my sight.
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306. Oh, wait a minute. You can't
talk to him like that, daddy.
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307. He's practically a convicted
killer, and I love him.
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308. A convicted killer?
Who are you?
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309. Alright, alright, alright.
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310. Alright, look, look.
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311. I'm not a young Republican
from Connecticut
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312. and I'm not a hood
from Bed-Stuy.
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313. I'm Will Smith
from West Philly
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314. and I've been busting my butt
all night trying to impress you
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315. and trying to scare you.
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316. And I'm exhausted.
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317. I'm goin' home,
and I'm going to sleep
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318. 'cause, baby,
ain't no girl that fly for me
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319. to go through all this
trouble for.
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320. Yo, baby. Yo, baby. Yo.
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321. What's up?
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322. Oh! Miss Hilary.
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323. Did you have a good time at the
Save the Everglades fund raiser?
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324. Geoffrey, these events are not
about having a good time.
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325. They're consciousness-raising
experiences.
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326. When you hear about all
of the species
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327. that are on the brink
of extinction
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328. it's grim, grave,
and very, very sobering.
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329. - Tom Cruise was near tears.
- Oh, wasn't he gorgeous?
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330. So there I was, G.
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331. Then this real fly honey
walked by, right?
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332. So I decided
I'll just be myself.
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333. I said, "Yo, baby. Yo, baby.
Yo." And she loved me!
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334. Then what happened?
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335. Well, then her husband
came in.
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