The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1x25

1. Hey, beautiful.

2. I love a woman with good reflexes. Makes me crazy.

3. Get out.

4. Your mouth is saying "Get out"

5. but your eyes are saying "Get busy."

6. - Daddy. - Uh-uh-uh.

7. That's not gonna work this time, Hil darling.

8. See, Uncle Phil went to the supermarket

9. so he's gonna be gone for at least a week.

10. Mom.

11. She went with him.

12. - Geoffrey. - Ooh.

13. - Yes, Miss Hilary? - You know the drill.

14. Uh-oh.

15. Hilary, why is it so hard for you

16. to be nice to Jazz, you know he likes you.

17. Oh, and I'm supposed to be nice to everyone who likes me?

18. How much time do you think I have?

19. Oh, so that's the reason for you to be mean to Jazz?

20. Look, Jazz will be fine.

21. Oh, you think so? Well, I don't.

22. See, you don't know Jazz the way that I know him.

23. He's a very sensitive person.

24. And he has feelings that are very deep.

25. And when you had Geoffrey throw him out

26. I think that was the last straw.

27. I don't think he'll ever be the same.

28. Really?

29. Want to kiss my boo-boo?

30. I hope you didn't take my throwing you

31. out of the house personally, Mr. Jazz.

32. It was strictly business.

33. That's cool, but if you grab me in that place again

34. we're engaged.

35. Hey, look, Jazz, if you wanna get with Hilary, man

36. you gotta have a plan.

37. You mean mine hasn't been working?

38. Jazz, that's like the 18th time

39. she threw you out of the house.

40. All a part of my plan.

41. - 'We're home.' - Later.

42. Geoffrey, the groceries you want are in the kitchen.

43. Yes, madam.

44. Well, Carlton has sunk to a new low.

45. What?

46. Carlton, what's up with the crutches, man?

47. I'm practicing my new scam.

48. Girls love a guy with a sports injury.

49. Carlton, I can't see too many honeys bein' impressed by

50. "Hey, babe, I busted myself up playing Pee Wee football."

51. Mom, dad, I'm so glad you're home.

52. I have some exciting news about my job.

53. What is it?

54. Well, I'm not gonna just tell you, that's no fun. Guess.

55. Did you sell a painting at the gallery?

56. - No. - Did you get a promotion?

57. - No. - Did you get fired?

58. No, I quit.

59. - 'What?' - What?

60. Hily, I was definitely the closest.

61. Hilary, you were doing so well at the art gallery.

62. Yeah, but, mom, it's not really a cool job.

63. I mean, when I was a little girl, I always had this dream

64. that when I grew up, I'd have a glamorous job

65. in a glamorous office and I would go to parties

66. and people would ask me what I did and I'd tell them.

67. And then I imagined them turning pea-green with envy

68. and blurting out, "You are so lucky"

69. and then walking away absolutely eaten up inside

70. because I had a fabulous job and they didn't.

71. They say Gandhi had a very similar childhood dream.

72. Alright, young lady, just how do you propose

73. to get this glamorous job?

74. Oh, I already got it.

75. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to be the personal assistant

76. to Marissa Redman.

77. - The movie star? - Wow, she's really big.

78. What you talkin' about, Carlton?

79. She ain't do nothin' good in years.

80. That's not true.

81. She's one of the most famous actresses in Hollywood.

82. - She won an Oscar. - Nominated.

83. And she was in one of the top ten movies of all time.

84. Eight years ago.

85. Andshe needs a new assistant because she just got back

86. from a well-deserved year off.

87. Nosejob.

88. How did you know all of that?

89. I have an inquiring mind.

90. Will, please, Hilary's obviously very excited about this job.

91. Be a little more supportive.

92. Oh, you're right, I'm sorry.

93. Well, Hilary, I loved her in that musical she did.

94. - God, what a voice. - Lip-synch.

95. Dinner is served.

96. Psst!

97. - Jazz, I thought you left. - Why?

98. 'Cause you walked out the door and you said, "Later."

99. All a part of my plan.

100. Well, did you hear the news about Hilary?

101. Yeah, I'm so proud of her.

102. Alright, J, tomorrow's her first day at work.

103. Now, I think I got a little plan that'll make Hilary like you.

104. Tomorrow we'll go down there and you're gonna surprise her

105. with flowers and candy.

106. Cool, meet you here tomorrow at 9 o'clock sharp.

107. You got it, man.

108. And don't forget the candy and flowers.

109. Miss Tony Fisher, please.

110. Hi, Tony, it's Hil.

111. How's your job going?

112. Uh-huh.

113. Guess where I'm calling from.

114. No, guess.

115. No, guess again.

116. No, guess again.

117. What do you mean, you give up? This is fun.

118. No, guess again.

119. No, guess again.

120. No, don't hang up, Tony.

121. No, Tony, do not hang up now.

122. Come on, guess.

123. No, guess again.

124. No, guess again.

125. Okay, okay, okay.

126. I'm in Marissa Redman's office.

127. No, it's my first day.

128. Oh! What's she like? God.

129. Tony, I've gotta tell you, you'd never even know

130. she was a movie star, I mean

131. she's so grounded, she's so real.

132. Look, I don't care if you have other appointments, clown.

133. My cat needs acupuncture.

134. Marissa.

135. - Heather. - Hilary.

136. Look, let's get one thing straight.

137. My last assistant quit on me

138. because I never learned her name.

139. Now, is that gonna be a problem?

140. - No, no. - Good.

141. I'm so excited! I want to learn all about the movie business.

142. And you will. The key is to be positive.

143. I like positive people.

144. - Are you positive? - Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes. Yes!

145. Remember, this is a process.

146. You do realize it's a process?

147. Oh, yes, I'm positive it's a process.

148. - Oh, I'll get that. - You got that right.

149. Miss Redman's office.

150. Oh, I'm afraid Miss Redman's on the other line right now

151. Mr.Haskell, but I'll see if she's finishing up.

152. - It's my agent. - Hello, Sam.

153. This better be good news.

154. So you're saying I didn't get the part?

155. I know the part called for a Meryl Streep type.

156. And, yes, I am a Meryl Streep type if I wanna be.

157. It's called acting, Sam.

158. So what fool got the part?

159. Meryl Streep.

160. Ain't that cozy?

161. I'm sorry you didn't get the part, Marissa.

162. But let's be positive.

163. After all, this is a process.

164. Oh, shut up.

165. Now, look, I have to go to a restaurant opening tonight.

166. So I need you to pick up my clothes from the cleaners.

167. Oh, I'm not speaking to my tired boyfriend

168. so I'll need someone to go with.

169. I wonder if that cute little Johnny Gill is free.

170. - Isn't he, like, my age? - Oh, I see. I get it.

171. First, I'm too black to play Meryl Streep's parts

172. and now I'm too old to date a 20-year-old.

173. - Cher can do it, but I can't? - No, Marissa.

174. I didn't mean anything like that—

175. Everyone is trying to fit me into their nice

176. neat little box, aren't they?

177. Well, you're walking a fine line, Helena.

178. A very fine line.

179. Hello, I'm calling from Marissa Redman's office.

180. Yeah, is her dry-cleaning ready?

181. 'Well, it says here on the ticket'

182. "Three dresses, two blouses, four silk brassieres

183. and eight pair of underwear."

184. Fantastic. I'll be right over to pick them up.

185. Glamor, glamor, glamor.

186. You know, Hilary, while you're down there

187. you may even get to see Dustin Hoffman's drawers.

188. Will, what are you doing here?

189. Jazz.

190. Congratulations on your new job, Hilary.

191. Flowers..

192. a Kit Kat.

193. And a song.

194. All the way from Compton, California

195. the king of the keyboard himself, just for you, Hilary.

196. It's Jazz!

197. He plays so beautiful, don't you agree?

198. - What is going on here? - Marissa, I can explain.

199. 'I don't even wanna hear it.'

200. So I've got a party girl on my hands, is that it?

201. As soon as I turn my back.

202. You know, we've got a word for people

203. like you in this business and it's called..

204. Hello.

205. Uh, Miss Redman, uh

206. we didn't mean to get Hilary in any trouble.

207. - I'm her cousin. - Oh, she's not in any trouble.

208. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.

209. - Uh, Will Smith. - "Will Smith."

210. Little Willie Smith.

211. I like that.

212. Yeah, uh, but, little Willie's gotta go now.

213. We'll just get right out of your way.

214. Oh, no, no, no, you're not in my way.

215. Well, you kind of are.

216. Why don't you stay for a little while?

217. Uh, you-you know, we'd love to, but we-we made other plans.

218. No, we didn't.

219. Don't you remember, Jazz

220. you've got that brain-surgery appointment?

221. - Must have forgotten. - Bye-bye.

222. You know, I just had a thought.

223. I'm sure it's brilliant, what is it?

224. I just thought that I'd like to take your cousin Will

225. to that restaurant opening tonight.

226. What?

227. Are you thinking I'm too old for him?

228. You think he wouldn't wanna go out with me?

229. Oh, no, no, Marissa, I mean, who wouldn't wanna go out with you?

230. Oh, you better hope he does.

231. Because if he doesn't wanna go out with me tonight

232. you're fired, Hester.

233. Uh.

234. Mm-mm.

235. I forfeit the game.

236. Hey, thanks a lot, G, he was about to take me.

237. Hi, Will.

238. Oh, look, who's home, it's Miss Hollywood.

239. Tell me all about yourfaboo day.

240. So what'd you do this afternoon?

241. Massage her feet, give her cat a perm?

242. Oh, Will, I love your irreverent sense of humor.

243. It's so refreshing.

244. How you tryin' to play me, Hilary?

245. Oh, Will, you're always thinking the worst of me.

246. I have got some great news for you.

247. Guess who I can get to go out with you.

248. - Wha.. What, Janet Jackson? - Guess again.

249. - Um, uh-uh, Jody Watley. - Guess again.

250. Tell me or I'll kill you.

251. Marissa Redman.

252. You've got to be tripping.

253. H-Hilary, I wouldn't go out with her if she and Marsha Warfield

254. were the last two women on Earth.

255. Will, please, please.

256. Marissa said that if I can't get you to go out

257. on a date with her, she'll just fire me.

258. Uh-uh, perfect, all she does is yell at you

259. and boss you around, treat you like dirt, anyway.

260. I know but..

261. I'm the envy of all my friends.

262. Look, Hilary, come on, don't cry.

263. Don't-don't cry, Hi..

264. Okay, alright, alright, okay.

265. I guess it won'tkill me to go out with Marissa Redman.

266. Oh, Will, thank you, thank you, thank you.

267. And I guess it won't kill you to go out with Jazz.

268. I can't believe you agreed to go on this date with Jazz.

269. Shut up, Carlton, I had to, or I'd lose my job.

270. Touchy, touchy.

271. Cut it out!

272. I can see it now.

273. Mr. and Mrs. Jazz..

274. - Does Jazz have a last name? - I believe it's Matazz.

275. Will you three cut it out?

276. Philip, we don't mean anything by it.

277. I don't see the destruction of our gene pool

278. as something to joke about.

279. - Oh, that must be Jazz. - Good.

280. Now, Marissa's meeting us at the restaurant.

281. We can't even be a second late.

282. Hey, hey, just relax, Hilary.

283. And you just make sure that you're sweet to Jazz.

284. This is makin' his whole week.

285. - Mr. Jazz. - Yo, G.

286. As of tonight, my new official name is... Mr. Lucky.

287. Marissa, thanks for inviting us.

288. This is such an exciting new restaurant.

289. Look at that.

290. Butter on ice.

291. I'm livin' large now.

292. Um, speakin' of ice, Jazz, uh

293. doesn't Hilary look a little chilly?

294. Oh, right.

295. You look so beautiful, baby.

296. Jazz, please.

297. Now, I know you can be nicer than that.

298. Alright, alright.

299. That was a wonderful imitation of a creepy spider

300. you just did, Jazz.

301. Hey, Cher!

302. Sophomore in high school.

303. Beat that, honey.

304. Do you know what time it is, Hilary?

305. It's 8:15.

306. No, it's not.

307. It's "Slow dancing with Jazz" time.

308. No, it isn't.

309. Oh, well, you know, it's either "Slow dancing with Jazz" time

310. or "Will getting up, going home, and leaving you

311. without a job" time.

312. Jazz, do you wanna dance?

313. Man, this must be my birthday.

314. Uh, and when you get back, bring me a mineral water

315. three ice cubes, a lemon, and a lime.

316. And for the sake of novelty, get it right this time.

317. Yes, Marissa.

318. So, little Willie

319. uh, would you pass me the salt, please?

320. Oh, sure.

321. Um, Jazz, I feel I should tell you something.

322. I'm only on this date with you as part of my deal with Will.

323. - I know. - You do?

324. It doesn't bother me.

325. But, hey, if it's making you feel sad

326. dancing with me, you don't have to.

327. - Oh, no, Jazz, it's not that. - Thank God.

328. It's just this job is getting to me.

329. I mean, I don't mind the hard work.

330. It's just I can't seem to do anything right.

331. She's always yelling at me.

332. Uh, tell Jazz all about it.

333. Oh, look, biggest director in town.

334. Sydney! Sydney! Congratulations.

335. Loved your new movie.

336. We've got to do..

337. What? He just looked right through me.

338. Maybe you should have spoken up a little bit.

339. This is not good.

340. Hickory! Hey, Hickory!

341. Yes.

342. I just saw Sydney, and he cut me dead.

343. Now did you send him that bottle of champagne like I told you

344. for the premiere of hiscrappymovie?

345. All you said to me this morning is that you were thinking

346. of sending him something but didn't know what.

347. Champagne wouldobviously be the perfect choice, Einstein.

348. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Marissa, chill. Come on, she's trying.

349. Look, I work so hard.

350. I mean, I work harder than anybody

351. and I'm very underpaid.

352. And it doesnothelp when the person who is supposed

353. to be my assistant is atotalidiot.

354. You're the idiot.

355. Well, date's over.

356. Look, I don't care how many movies you make.

357. Nobody don't talk like that to Hilary.

358. She's smart, she's sweet

359. and she's the most beautiful woman in the cosmos.

360. And she's been very nice to me tonight.

361. And she's been nice to you, even though you didn't deserve it.

362. So you just tell her you're sorry

363. 'cause I'm about to get pretty damn mad.

364. Oh, shut up.

365. Look, this is what you gotta do.

366. I need run to an all-night liquor store—

367. - No. - Excuse me?

368. What do you think I am?

369. I shouldn't be treated like an idiot.

370. I'm not an idiot, I'm smart.

371. And another thing, your lastfivemovies

372. really sucked big time.

373. Six.

374. You can't stand here talking like that tome.

375. No, you're right, because I have a prior engagement

376. with someone from the "A" list.

377. Come on, Jazz, let's go.

378. Thank you, oh, Lord.

379. Uh.

380. Uh.

381. Who needs them?

382. You know, they don't know how to appreciate you.

383. I mean, uh, I think me and you can have

384. a better time without them.

385. - Really? - Psych.

386. You really said that to Marissa?

387. Uh-huh.

388. Hey, well, at least now Marissa the cradle crook

389. knows what Hilary thinks about her.

390. And I owe it all to Jazz.

391. Well, thank you, Jazz.

392. Now my daughter's unemployed.

393. Daddy, you should thank Jazz.

394. And he reminded me that I do have some self-respect.

395. Why do I have to chase after celebrities?

396. They're all so shallow and self-centered.

397. From now on, I wanna spend time with people who have depth

398. intelligence, and maturity.

399. I don't like the sound of this.

400. - Goodnight, sweetheart. - Goodnight, mommy.

401. - Goodnight, guys. - Goodnight.

402. - 'Goodnight.' - Goodnight, baby.

403. Guys, I'm sorry the night was so awful.

404. Hey, well, Hilary, I'm just grateful that

405. I got my young body out of there

406. before old Marissa could put some miles on it.

407. Well, I got to go.

408. - Peace, yo. - Yo, peace, boy.

409. Jazz, wait.

410. Listen, um, thank you, I mean..

411. Well..

412. thanks.

413. Sure, babe.

414. Hey, you want to go out with me on Saturday night?

415. Listen, I just, I don't think it's a good time.

416. I mean, I'd only be saying "Yes"

417. because I felt like I owed you something.

418. That's cool with me.

419. Maybe some other time.

420. Well, okay.

421. Goodnight, Hilary.

422. No, wait.

423. All a part of my plan.