1. Here are my car keys.
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2. Ashley has a birthday party
to go to on Saturday afternoon.
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3. And Carlton may use the car
to go to glee club practice.
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4. And Master William?
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5. He's not allowed to use the car again
until August of 1992.
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6. Very well, madam.
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7. Everybody, I'm going.
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8. Excuse me, Mother,
but I am very, very offended.
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9. What is it this time, Hilary?
I've started recycling.
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10. That's not it. lnstead of making
Geoffrey work on the weekend...
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11. you should leave the running
of this household to me.
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12. I am 21 years old.
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13. I'm sorry, baby. I didn't think
you'd want to run the household.
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14. I've got to learn sometime.
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15. After all, in a couple of years, I'm going
to have my own family and my own butler.
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16. I hope it's no one I know.
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17. - Ready to go, sweetheart?
- All set.
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18. if you had to pick a weekend to go away,
you picked a good one.
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19. I'll be at the office working
most of the time anyway.
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20. if you have a lot of work to do,
why don't you just do it here?
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21. That's why.
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22. How y'all doing?
I just got my hair cut. Kind of fly, huh?
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23. I don't understand why
you get your hair cut like that.
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24. All the brothers in Philly
play their hair like this...
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25. hair on top, none on the sides.
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26. But, I guess y'all got kind of
a reverse thing going on here.
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27. - Will, I'm leaving.
- You're leaving?
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28. Finally. I always thought
you could do better. Good luck.
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29. Will, I'm going to Berkeley
to give my lecture.
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30. - You are? When you coming back?
- Tomorrow night. While I'm gone...
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31. I want you to do everything
your Uncle Philip says.
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32. Aunt Viv, wait. Don't leave me here.
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33. Don't leave me here with him!
He's going to eat me. Don't leave me here.
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34. Michelle, we're in luck.
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35. My mom's away for the weekend,
our butler's off duty...
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36. and my dad will be leaving
for the office at any minute.
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37. And I just took a multivitamin.
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38. I really like this room, Carlton.
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39. You'll like it more in a minute.
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40. Michelle, I just wanted to say...
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41. I think you're the most talented member
on the swimnastics team.
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42. I can hold my breath
for long periods of time.
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43. Good. We're going under.
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44. Hello. Rice Krispie Treats?
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45. What are you doing?
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46. Mom left me in charge, so I have to be
responsible for all the children.
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47. We were in the middle of something.
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48. Come on, kids, let's have a little talk.
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49. Carlton, Michelle.
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50. I can remember what
it was like to be your age.
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51. Your bodies are going
through a lot of changes now...
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52. and you're probably having
a lot of feelings...
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53. that you've never had before.
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54. But even though there's a lot
of pressure from your peers...
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55. remember, you don't have to pet
to be popular.
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56. Let's go to the mall.
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57. And who exactly
is going to be at this mall?
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58. Hold on, Uncle Phil, I promise
I'll take good care of the car.
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59. Give me that.
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60. I'll trade you for the car keys.
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61. Will, I have a lot of work to do,
so I'm gonna make this short and sweet.
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62. I don't want you taking our car downtown
to some pool hall.
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63. You can't do this to me! Aunt Viv!
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64. She's gone.
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65. That's right, Will.
No one can hear you scream.
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66. Come on. Just 'cause you don't like
pool halls doesn't mean I shouldn't go.
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67. You're just trying to make sure
I don't have any fun.
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68. Your only source of pleasure
is making me unhappy.
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69. That's not true. I have my wine collection.
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70. Hold up. You wasn't listening.
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71. Your uncle ain't say you couldn't go
to the pool hall.
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72. He said he ain't want you
to go to the pool hall.
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73. It's a difference.
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74. What are you, ignorant?
Pick up the damn keys.
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75. And next time you come in here,
I'm going to use this.
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76. And stay out!
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77. - I had your back.
- So what do you want?
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78. - To be your friend.
- Dream on.
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79. Then I'll take a table.
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80. You're in luck.
Table seven over here is vacant.
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81. Fred, get up!
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82. I can't get no sleep around here today
to save my life.
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83. All right, young man.
I only have three rules:
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84. No spitting, no fighting, and use coasters.
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85. - All right, who wants some?
- I'll play.
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86. Step right up, my man. You can break.
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87. Want to put a little money on it
to make it interesting?
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88. No, my man, just playing for fun.
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89. What the hey. Maybe just $5 a ball.
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90. - Who wants some?
- I do.
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91. So you want to play me, my brother?
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92. Since you done beat all the suckers
at this table...
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93. maybe you'd like to try your luck
over here with the big boys.
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94. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
My game is all that.
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95. All right then, 20 a ball is what we shoot.
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96. Wait a minute. What, $20 a ball?
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97. You in the big leagues now, boy.
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98. What's wrong?
No confidence in your game?
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99. - No, that ain't it.
- Then what is it?
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100. You look like
the king of the hill around here.
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101. You can take him, kid.
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102. Give him some, Will.
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103. I really wouldn't want to do
what I know I can do...
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104. if you know what I mean.
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105. No, I don't know what you mean.
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106. - Why don't you tell me?
- I know what he means.
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107. You do?
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108. It don't take a genius
to understand the boy.
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109. He say in plain English
that he didn't want to embarrass...
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110. your ugly behind up here
in front of these girls.
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111. I didn't—
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112. He also said that if it weren't for the fact
that he had won...
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113. so much from that fool over there,
he'd take your money, too.
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114. Thank you very much
for clearing that up for us, Fred.
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115. All right then, my brother, rack them.
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116. Well, my brother...
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117. looks like you owe me
a nice little piece of change...
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118. like 500 big ones.
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119. - $500?
- And 10% for his manager.
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120. Wait. Y'all hustled me.
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121. Hustled is such an ugly word.
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122. I prefer to think of it
as creative money management.
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123. - Now hand it over.
- All I got is $200.
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124. No, that ain't all you got.
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125. I seem to recall you
driving up here in a Benz.
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126. Hold it, wait. That car ain't even mine.
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127. You are so right, my brother.
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128. It's mine.
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129. Hi, sweetie, where are you going?
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130. Kimberly's mom is picking me up.
I'm going to the party.
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131. What kind of party?
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132. Sarah's birthday party.
Mom told you about it.
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133. And who's going to be there?
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134. - Courtney, Priscilla, Maggie, David, Josh—
- Wait. Let's just hold it right there...
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135. with David and Josh, young lady.
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136. I was not informed
that there would be boys at this party.
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137. I really don't like the sound of this.
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138. All my friends are going to be there.
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139. And if all your friends jumped off a cliff,
would you do it, too?
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140. - That's my ride. Bye.
- And no running in the house.
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141. You'll put your eye out.
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142. - Hilary, I'm in big trouble. I need your help.
- What's wrong?
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143. - I just need $300.
- $300? What for?
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144. Hey, young blood.
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145. Man! Y'all sure got it going on up in here.
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146. - Will, who is he?
- He's from the pool hall.
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147. I just lost a couple games and I need $300.
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148. You blew $300 and you don't even have
a sweater to show for it.
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149. Will, I was put in charge of you.
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150. When Mom finds out, she's gonna kill me.
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151. She won't find out
if you just get me the money.
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152. Okay, just let me go look.
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153. My man, Fred. Tell you what...
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154. have a seat here, I'll see if I can borrow
that money from my butler.
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155. That's what I always do.
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156. Cocktails!
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157. Who the hell are you?
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158. My name is Fred Lomax, Jr.
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159. And I presume you're Will's butler.
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160. So you can fix me a Rob Roy
with a Sidecar.
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161. You're one of Will's friends.
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162. - Yeah.
- Get out.
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163. Man, it is hard to find good help
these days.
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164. Mr. Lomax, I'm not the butler...
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165. but I'd be most happy
to show you the door.
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166. That's mighty kind of you, big daddy...
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167. but I can't go back to that pool hall
without that $300.
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168. $300?
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169. Uncle Phil.
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170. I see you've met
my Earth Science teacher.
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171. That's right.
He was not exactly hospitable...
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172. so I'm leaving. But if you ever want
to see that car again...
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173. you better come up with that $300.
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174. You went to the pool hall and lost the car?
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175. Uncle Phil, I'm sorry.
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176. I know you told me that I shouldn't go.
They hustled me.
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177. They're holding the car
until I pay them their money.
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178. - Uncle Phil, I'm really—
- Stupid?
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179. I know that, Will.
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180. I'll deal with you later.
We got to get that car back.
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181. Uncle Phil, you can't go down there
by yourself.
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182. You can't handle those dudes.
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183. They got guys in there
that make you look like Webster.
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184. if there are hooligans there,
I should accompany you.
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185. In the early '80s,
I was sparring butler for Mr. Chuck Norris.
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186. You sure you know what you're doing?
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187. Absolutely. This is strictly a legal matter
between me and the management.
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188. You're back. You better have that money.
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189. Well!
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190. Hello, handsome.
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191. Madam, our car has been
illegally impounded...
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192. in this establishment.
And if it's not returned immediately...
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193. I will be forced
to take serious legal action...
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194. and have your license revoked.
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195. That's where we got you fooled.
We ain't got no license.
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196. Uncle Phil, I don't think
all this legal stuff is going to work.
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197. The only legal phrase these people know
is, "Will the defendant please rise."
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198. Will, who's the guy who beat you?
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199. That dude right there.
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200. All right, pal. I'm here to get the car.
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201. Seems to me
there's a small matter of $300, pal.
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202. I'm not giving you one cent.
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203. All right. You want to wipe out the debt?
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204. You can play for it. $20 a ball.
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205. Uncle Phil, don't fall for it.
That's exactly how they got me.
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206. Will, I'm not an idiot.
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207. I'm not about to bet on some game
I've never played in my entire life.
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208. What's the matter, buddy.
Aren't you man enough?
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209. What did you say to me?
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210. Seems to me that you don't want to play
because you can't play.
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211. Can't play? You put the balls into the hole.
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212. How difficult can that be?
I've seen it on TV.
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213. That's right. All you got to do
is put the balls in the hole, just like on TV.
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214. I'll tell you what. I'll let you break.
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215. Geoffrey, get me one
of those stick thingies.
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216. At least he's got the terminology down.
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217. Sir, do you think this is wise?
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218. Don't be ridiculous, Geoffrey.
It's simple geometry.
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219. That was just a practice shot.
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220. Looks like it's my turn.
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221. Now you owe me $400.
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222. Uncle Phil, can you just pay him
and let's go?
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223. No, I think I'm getting a lot better,
don't you?
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224. Much better.
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225. That's not how I see it. You still stink.
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226. I wouldn't talk.
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227. Wait a minute.
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228. Let's play another game.
I want another chance.
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229. Uncle Phil!
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230. I don't know. My time is very valuable.
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231. I couldn't possibly play another game
without upping the ante.
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232. How much?
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233. Let's say, a nice, round figure
like $100 a ball.
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234. $100 a ball?
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235. That's right, Uncle Phil.
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236. Okay. $100 a ball.
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237. You got yourself a game.
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238. Geoffrey? Break out Lucille.
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239. $600, $700...
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240. $800, $900.
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241. And 10%%% for his manager.
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242. Oh, it's gonna be like that, my brother...
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243. after you done had me up in your house.
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244. Let this be a lesson to you.
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245. Don't mess with my boy again.
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246. You mess with him,
you're messing with me.
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247. Yeah!
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248. - Hi, Hilary.
- Mother, you're back. How was your trip?
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249. Fine. How was your weekend
with the kids?
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250. - It went great.
- Really?
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251. I've got to tell you,
even though I wanted to do this...
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252. deep down I had a lot of anxiety
about taking on this kind of responsibility.
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253. Now that I've been through it,
I can honestly say...
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254. I handled it, I prevailed...
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255. and now I think I'm ready
to have children of my own.
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256. That's great, Hilary.
So, where are the kids?
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257. What, you mean like now?
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258. - Mom!
- Mommy!
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259. - Thank God you're home!
- What's the matter?
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260. - Hilary was a tyrant all weekend.
- She was terrible.
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261. Next time you go out of town, I beg of you,
please just put food and water in a dish.
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262. Someday you'll have children of your own,
and then you'll understand.
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263. - Baby.
- Hi.
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264. - How was your lecture?
- They loved it. How was your weekend?
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265. Fine. I got a lot of work done.
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266. Finished up a little early tonight...
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267. so Will and I had a chance
to spend some time together.
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268. We had fun.
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269. You two got along?
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270. It figures you'd choose
the weekend I was away.
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271. I'm exhausted and I am going to bed.
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272. - Good night.
- Night, Aunt Viv.
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273. I'll be up in a minute, sweetheart.
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274. How come you didn't
tell her what really happened?
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275. Because I don't want her to worry about it.
It's between you and me.
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276. Do you think she'll put two and two
together when the cops dig my body up.
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277. Don't give me any ideas, Will.
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278. I just have one question.
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279. Why are you so hard-headed?
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280. Is that like a rhetorical question?
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281. You know, a hard head
makes for a soft behind.
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282. What, you're going to spank me?
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283. You know the severity
of what you did tonight.
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284. We're going to discuss
your punishment tomorrow.
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285. - Is that understood?
- Yes, sir.
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286. And, Uncle Phil?
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287. I just wanted to say
thanks for coming to the pool hall...
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288. and saving my butt tonight.
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289. I ain't seen too many people
shoot like that.
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290. Where did you learn?
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291. Let's just say, I've spent time
in a pool hall or two in my life.
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292. I know what goes on there.
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293. Which is why I don't want you
going down there in the first place.
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294. You think I want to spoil your fun?
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295. I just want you to come home
in one piece.
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296. That's decent.
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297. I also want to thank you
for winning my money back.
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298. Your money? I'll play you for it.
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