1. Today, sir, I thought
we might begin the day with an aspirin...
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2. preventative medicine
being so much the mode.
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3. It's too late, Geoffrey.
I already have a headache...
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4. just anticipating that infernal hammering
at the office.
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5. I thought the workmen
were supposed be done by yesterday.
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6. Shockingly enough, Vivian,
they're behind schedule.
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7. Dad, it's so obvious.
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8. if all that hammering is bothering you,
just tell them to quit it.
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9. I don't even want to talk about it.
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10. These are the only moments
of peace and quiet I'll have all day.
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11. Another aspirin, sir?
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12. Perhaps a gun.
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13. What the devil is he doing up there?
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14. I Got The Power by Snap.
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15. Snap is a great band.
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16. When Crackle and Pop cut a disc,
then call me.
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17. - What's so funny?
- Carlton told a joke.
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18. No, Hilary. Carlton is a joke.
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19. Mommy, who's gonna take me
to my tennis lesson after school today?
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20. Are you sure it's tennis today?
Maybe you'd better check your schedule.
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21. Schedule?
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22. My parents bought me this calendar
so I could keep my lessons straight.
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23. Didn't you have a schedule
for after school at my age?
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24. Yeah, the TV Guide.
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25. See, Monday is for ballet,
Tuesday is riding, Wednesday is violin.
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26. I thought today was violin, sweetie pie.
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27. You mean Ashley would have shown up
for her violin lesson in her tennis outfit?
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28. I just pictured it.
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29. I'm two for two.
I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.
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30. May I suggest retirement?
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31. Keep them coming, Will.
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32. So, Mommy, who's going to drive me?
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33. There's a growing pollution problem
in this city, and I will not contribute to it.
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34. I absolutely refuse
to drive anybody anywhere...
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35. until a responsible car pool is organized.
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36. But, Hilary, Ashley is in a car pool.
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37. I just don't want to do it, okay?
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38. I have an idea.
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39. Will, you don't have any chores
this afternoon. You can drive Ashley.
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40. Word up. Kick over the keys to the Jag.
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41. - The Benzito?
- The station wagon.
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42. Come on, you're gonna ruin my rep.
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43. You're only 17. You don't have a rep yet.
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44. You'll drive her to her class,
wait for her there, and bring her home.
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45. Come on, I got to sit through
a hour of them scratchy violins?
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46. You might learn something.
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47. The same thing I learned
from banging my head against a pole:
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48. Don't do it again.
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49. This is your new job.
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50. Wednesdays you are Ashley's driver.
Understood?
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51. Yes'm.
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52. I'll be more than happy to drive you
to the Piggly Wiggly, Miss Daisy.
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53. I'm sorry.
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54. Ladies, hold it. Wait a minute.
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55. Let's try something different.
Everybody just repeat after me, okay?
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56. Come, girls! You are late.
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57. Now let's begin with the piece
you were to memorize...
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58. from Stravinsky's
Violin Concerto in D minor.
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59. And remember, you are playing this...
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60. for a woman
who was the great Stravinsky's lover.
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61. One, two, three, four.
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62. Faster!
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63. Stop!
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64. You, there. What you do here?
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65. I'm Ashley's cousin.
I was just waiting to drive her home.
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66. You make me kind of nervous
with that stick, lady.
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67. You dare to read
while great Stravinsky is played?
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68. I wasn't as tight with the man
as you were.
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69. Do not attempt to make joke with me.
I was lover of both Laurel and Hardy.
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70. Guess that look really works for you then.
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71. Hey, Ash, that was decent
to listen to that kind of music...
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72. without having to see
Freddy Krueger kill somebody.
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73. - I'm glad somebody enjoys it.
- What, don't you?
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74. Not yet, but when I'm older,
it will be very useful to me.
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75. No, wait. That's tennis.
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76. - Who told you that?
- My dad.
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77. Just because your dad likes something,
doesn't mean you have to like it.
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78. He likes being a lawyer.
You don't have to be a lawyer.
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79. I am going to be a lawyer.
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80. Ash, the world does not need
another Philip Banks.
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81. We might not have enough farmland
to support the one we have.
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82. No, the world needs an Ashley Banks.
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83. Girls, you must remember
to practice more, no?
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84. Violin is very jealous,
much like the sexy Toscanini.
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85. if you even look at another,
it will not speak to you for days.
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86. But if you give all of yourselves,
it will fulfill your every need...
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87. and set your very soul on fire.
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88. What does she mean by that?
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89. Let's just say that lady expects a lot
from a piece of wood and some strings.
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90. - Your aspirin, sir.
- Thank you, Geoffrey.
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91. Do you attribute your headaches, sir...
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92. solely to the ongoing construction
in your office...
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93. or do you suppose there might be
a stress factor involved?
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94. This is how my day went, Geoffrey.
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95. At 9:00, they were pounding.
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96. At 10:00, they were jackhammering.
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97. By noon, a pneumatic drill came into play.
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98. And, Geoffrey,
they were just repainting the office.
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99. I'd say that's cause for stress.
Wouldn't you?
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100. You know, sir, the Earl of Cranbrook...
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101. to whom I was in service
for several years...
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102. suffered from the most severe headaches.
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103. And you're saying these were caused
by some sort of stress?
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104. I should very much doubt it.
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105. He spent his days riding to the hounds,
and his evenings...
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106. attending rather pleasant dinner parties
with his delightful wife, Lady Celia.
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107. Now, she was a terribly good
snooker player, one of the best.
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108. - One night, she bet—
- Geoffrey.
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109. Where does the stress come in?
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110. It certainly doesn't
in Lord Cranbrook's case.
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111. I never saw a calmer household.
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112. Then what was the point of the story?
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113. Sheer entertainment, sir.
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114. What the devil was that?
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115. I believe the technical term
is a "rim shot."
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116. Who did it?
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117. Utter speculation, of course,
but my guess is Master William.
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118. Ashley, honey...
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119. where is your violin?
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120. - Big Sal has it.
- Big Sal?
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121. He owns this great store
where you don't need any money.
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122. You just go in and give him something
you don't even want anymore...
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123. - and he gives you this ticket. Then—
- A pawnshop?
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124. - You took her to a pawnshop?
- Yeah, it was really hard, too.
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125. You don't have many pawnshops
in Bel-Air. That's really a shame.
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126. - I had to go all the way to East LA.
- East LA?
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127. - They gave me a great deal.
- They gave you a set of drums.
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128. And...
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129. I made them throw in a little gift
for each of you. Close your eyes.
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130. - Vivian!
- I want my present.
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131. Okay, open.
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132. What a lovely antique necklace.
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133. - What is this?
- Daddy, it's a diamond.
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134. No, it isn't.
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135. - You don't like it?
- No, I do not.
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136. Can I have it?
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137. How dare you pawn her violin!
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138. - She don't even like playing it no more.
- She will learn to like it later.
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139. A young woman who can play a violin
is an accomplished young lady.
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140. A girlie that can play the drums
can write her own ticket.
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141. Will, I want the best for Ashley.
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142. When I was a kid, I loved classical music,
but my parents couldn't afford lessons.
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143. I used to stand out in the parking lot
of the Philharmonic...
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144. hoping to catch a spare note
on the night air.
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145. Philip, when I met you,
you were into James Brown.
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146. - He liked James Brown?
- He even wore his hair like him.
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147. He had hair?
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148. You know, it is possible to like
both classical music and James Brown.
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149. I could not agree more. So let's
let Ashley play whatever she wants.
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150. She spent an entire year on the violin.
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151. So if she wants to try something new,
let her.
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152. You tell him, Aunt Viv.
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153. - And as for you, young man—
- Love you.
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154. The next time
you decide to visit a pawnshop, don't.
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155. - Are we clear on that?
- Yes.
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156. Master William,
there is a young gentleman downstairs...
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157. with a rather large radio
who is here to see you.
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158. - He claims his name is Jazz.
- Yo, word up. Send him up.
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159. - Now, who is this Jazz fellow?
- I heard the boy at a club.
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160. He was all of that.
He will be Ashley's new music teacher.
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161. I mean, he's not as experienced
as Madame Chatchka, but then who is?
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162. Mr. Jazz.
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163. It's nice to meet you, Jazz.
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164. How do you do? I'm Mr. Banks.
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165. You got that right.
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166. Man, you're loaded!
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167. Yo, what's up, J.?
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168. Come on, let's just leave them alone.
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169. - I asked him to take her to her lesson—
- I know, baby.
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170. Tell Mama all about it.
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171. Ash, how about let Jazz get busy
one time?
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172. So, Carlton, how's the soccer scene?
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173. Well, I may be moving up
from JV to Varsity, but—
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174. Am I the only one who finds
this drumming inappropriate for high tea?
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175. I can't take another week of this.
From morning until night...
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176. all I hear is this relentless, pulsating,
thumping beat.
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177. - I'm going to the Hard Rock Cafe.
- Hilary.
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178. Stay.
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179. We are having tea.
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180. It's a civilized way for me
to have a conversation with my family...
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181. so someone talk.
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182. I want her severely punished!
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183. It was the only time
that Jazz could give her a lesson today.
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184. - I wish you would stop calling him that.
- But that's his name.
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185. It is not. It can't be.
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186. These kids like to make up
their own names. Let them.
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187. Okay, fine.
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188. From now on, I'm no longer Philip Banks.
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189. Just call me King Edward lV.
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190. As you wish, Your Majesty.
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191. Humor, sir.
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192. Dad, I'm as liberal as the next guy...
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193. but it's time for someone to take the reins.
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194. High tea has been a weekly tradition
in our family...
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195. for as long as I can remember.
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196. if we let young Will ruin this for us,
what's next to go?
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197. Christmas?
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198. I can't answer that question for you, son.
Ask your mother.
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199. Come on, you two.
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200. High tea is not a sacred institution.
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201. It's not the tea. It's not the drums.
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202. It's Ashley.
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203. I've spent nine years
trying to raise a proper young lady...
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204. and Will is undoing all of my work
in a week.
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205. - Ashley, honey, come down here!
- What are you doing?
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206. He's punishing her.
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207. No, Hilary, I just want her
to spend some time with her family.
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208. Same thing.
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209. What is all this yelling about downstairs?
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210. Look, we are trying to give
a music lesson upstairs.
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211. Work with me, people, please?
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212. You've been practicing all afternoon.
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213. Look, that is the only way
she's gonna become a star.
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214. This young lady has the drive,
the good look, and the intelligence...
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215. to get to the top...
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216. but she will not be on Yo! MTVRaps
if you all don't work with me.
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217. Practice is over, Will.
Ashley, honey, it's teatime.
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218. Tea.
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219. Biscuits!
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220. Geoffrey, put on
our teatime music, please.
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221. You'll love this, honey.
It's Brandenburg Concertos.
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222. Jazz, hit me with some sugar, man.
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223. - How about a little milk?
- No, I'll get it.
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224. I thought this was sterling.
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225. It's got that certain weight to it.
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226. Yes. This is my favorite part.
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227. Ashley, honey, this is possibly
the most beautiful music ever written.
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228. - Would someone turn it up for me, please?
- Jazz, crank it up for me.
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229. Yes. Listen, darling.
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230. Listen to the violins. Beautiful.
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231. The oboes will be coming next.
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232. Geoffrey, would you tell Miss Ashley
I'd like to speak to her?
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233. Right away, sir.
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234. Now, I know you're upset,
but I want you to stay calm.
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235. I'm calm. I'm happy.
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236. I'm in control.
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237. You see, Vivian, I had lost control.
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238. "Lost control"?
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239. You drop-kicked a human being
across our front lawn.
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240. It felt good, damn it.
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241. I'm back in the saddle again.
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242. You know, I think living down the street
from the Reagans...
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243. has had a very bad effect on you.
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244. Will, your uncle
just wanted to speak with Ashley.
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245. No, let him stay.
I want him to hear this, too.
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246. I hope this isn't going to be
one of those Theo moments.
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247. Ashley, honey, sit down.
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248. Ashley, baby...
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249. through no fault of your own...
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250. things went down
a very wrong path this week.
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251. But luckily,
your daddy has put it all back together.
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252. You're going to return to the violin.
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253. I've called Madame Chatchka.
She's agreed to give you a makeup lesson.
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254. You must have caught her
on one of her rare free nights.
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255. Will, please?
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256. We've all lost sight
of the most important thing here...
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257. and that is what is best for Ashley.
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258. It's not what's best for Ashley.
You're trying to control her.
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259. She's 9 years old,
and she's got a calendar...
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260. telling her where she's got to be,
what she's gotta do.
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261. She doesn't have to worry
about that anymore...
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262. because now you tell her
what to do, right?
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263. There's only one thing wrong with that:
You're not her father.
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264. How come you didn't know
she doesn't like the violin?
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265. She liked it for a year before
you moved in. Can you explain that?
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266. - I never liked it, Daddy.
- That explains it.
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267. Look, if you ask her, she'll tell you
she wants to play the drums.
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268. I don't like the drums, either.
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269. See? Now you confused her.
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270. I'm not confused.
I just didn't want to disappoint you, Will.
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271. And I didn't want
to disappoint you, Daddy.
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272. Now hold on. Let's get this straight.
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273. Ashley, you don't have to please Will,
and you don't have to please your father.
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274. You just continue with the lessons
that you like best.
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275. - Do you mean it, Mommy?
- Absolutely, sweetheart.
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276. - Then I want to quit ballet.
- Ballet? Honey, no.
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277. But you look so cute in that little tutu.
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278. - I really hate it, Mommy.
- But, honey, just until Christmas?
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279. Do you believe that?
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280. - She wants to quit everything.
- I know.
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281. These kids today have no attention span.
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282. I blame television.
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