1. Mr. Jazz.
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2. - Yo, what up, pop?
- Home fry.
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3. - Will's in the kitchen.
- I can wait.
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4. - Why don't you sit here a little closer?
- Don't mind if I do.
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5. - Will you just get away from me?
- I love a woman who's hard to get.
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6. In that case, I want to marry you
and have your child.
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7. I'm down with that, too.
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8. - Sorry, Jazz.
- That's okay.
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9. I got a great view of her running out.
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10. - What up, J?
- Yo, Prince, I need a favor.
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11. Anything, man.
How many times you helped me out?
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12. Seven.
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13. - What do you need?
- A date.
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14. - Say no more!
- I want you to date my sister.
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15. Say a lot more.
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16. She just moved out here.
She hasn't had a date yet.
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17. - Prince, she really needs a man.
- But does she look good?
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18. Sure she does.
Good looks run in my family.
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19. Okay, Jazz.
Look, you know I'd do anything for you.
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20. - You're like a brother to me.
- Check.
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21. Which means that your sister should be
like a sister to me, not a girlfriend.
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22. if it doesn't work out,
it could jeopardize our friendship.
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23. I'm willing to take that risk.
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24. Look, my brother, I have to give this
some serious thought.
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25. - Can I bring her by just to meet you?
- Yeah, that's chill.
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26. Cool. Tonight, 8:00 sharp.
And try to smell good.
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27. Yo, big boy.
Give your sweet mama some sugar.
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28. Okay. I did my budget
just like you told me.
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29. - Good for you. Let me see.
- This is the amount I made last week.
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30. These were my expenses.
I spent five times more than I made.
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31. This budget thing is pretty easy.
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32. Yo, G! Chill, man!
Whatever you do, don't open that door.
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33. - Please, Lord, tell me it isn't the police.
- No. It's my boy, Jazz.
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34. Much worse.
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35. Hey, G. $10 says I ain't home.
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36. It doesn't quite say it loudly enough.
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37. - Do I hear $15?
- G, you gonna do a brother like that?
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38. - My life's at stake.
- I took that into consideration.
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39. - Why don't you want to see Jazz?
- It's his sister I don't want to see.
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40. - Jazz is trying to set me up.
- Jazz has a sister?
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41. Nice to meet you, Dad.
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42. Mr. Jazz and Miss Janet.
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43. Prince, here she is.
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44. Janet, Will. Will, Janet.
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45. You don't have a goatee.
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46. Excuse me?
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47. Hi, I'm Vivian Banks, Will's aunt.
And this is my husband Philip...
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48. and our daughters Hilary and Ashley.
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49. - It's nice to meet you.
- Hey, meet me again.
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50. Why don't we all take a seat?
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51. May I get you anything, Master William?
A dribble bib?
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52. How long have you been in town?
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53. I just moved here.
I got a scholarship to go to UCLA.
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54. We certainly know who got the brains
in your family.
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55. Yeah, but Janet ain't stupid.
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56. So, Mrs. Banks,
Jazz tells me you're a college professor.
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57. That's right. I teach English.
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58. And Mr. Banks, Jazz tells me
you're a professional wrestler.
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59. I'm afraid he was mistaken. I'm a lawyer.
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60. My apologies. I was misquoted.
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61. I went to UCLA.
Do you want to use my books?
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62. Thanks. I was thinking
of buying used books.
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63. Well, these aren't used.
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64. - Come take a look at them anyway.
- Okay.
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65. Jazz, I'm going to go into the kitchen
for a snack.
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66. When I come back, I want you gone.
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67. Guess I got plenty of time then.
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68. Will, I think Janet likes you.
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69. I definitely think she's up on me.
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70. You know, it's probably not too late
to get that spinach out of your teeth.
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71. So, what do you think?
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72. Brother, do the words "boing-yoing-yoing"
mean anything to you?
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73. I can't wait to go out with your sister.
Thanks for putting me "D," man.
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74. Man, I'm having second thoughts.
See, Prince, you're like a brother to me.
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75. if you date my sister
and it doesn't work out...
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76. it could jeopardize our friendship.
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77. I'm willing to take that risk.
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78. In that case,
how much are you willing to give?
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79. Give?
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80. You know, to take her out.
I'd sure look good in this jacket.
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81. I should have known.
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82. The hat, too.
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83. The hat.
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84. Let me get a good look at this shirt.
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85. I must say
Mr. Jazz's sister is quite a charmer.
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86. Yes, she is. Makes me question
the whole theory of genetics.
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87. Come on, Philip, it was awfully nice
of Jazz to introduce Will to his sister.
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88. He's a good friend.
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89. My brothers and sisters, I've got a date.
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90. - You know what would be fun?
- I can think of a couple of things.
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91. It would be fun to take your cousin
Ashley out sometime. I love kids.
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92. - Yeah, word. Kids are great.
- Do you want kids of your own?
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93. - Definitely.
- You'd be a great dad.
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94. You, too, baby.
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95. I probably shouldn't tell you this...
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96. but the moment I saw you
I knew we'd be great together.
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97. I hope it wasn't
the leather jacket that did it.
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98. Don't be silly. You're not wearing
the jacket now, are you?
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99. And I never will be again.
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100. Clothes don't make the man.
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101. And, Will, you are my man.
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102. Oh, man.
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103. Maybe we should look at the menu.
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104. if I can get my eyes to focus.
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105. I am getting a little hungry.
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106. Baby, have the lobster, have the caviar.
Anything you want.
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107. I know I don't want lobster and caviar,
they're much too expensive.
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108. You're right.
We are going to be great together.
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109. - Hi, I'm Gia.
- Hi, I'm Will.
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110. - You ready to order?
- We certainly are.
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111. - Not.
- Then I'll come back.
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112. William, can we get one thing straight?
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113. When you are with me, I don't want you
to be looking at other women.
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114. - What other women?
- Please. I saw you looking at that waitress.
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115. So you can just put those googly eyes
back in your head, all right?
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116. Hello? I said, all right?
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117. All right.
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118. Gia?
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119. I'd like the swordfish and a salad.
No dressing.
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120. What about you, Will?
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121. I'll have the...
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122. - I'll have the steak. Rare.
- Steak is really unhealthy.
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123. - Do you need another minute?
- No. He'll have the same thing I'm having.
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124. Plus a baked potato.
No butter, no sour cream.
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125. - Thank you.
- Got it.
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126. I like sour cream.
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127. You used to.
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128. From now on,
you need to watch that cholesterol.
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129. I'm not having my husband dying
of a heart attack at 40...
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130. and leaving me to raise six kids by myself.
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131. Six kids?
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132. That's right, baby. Three girls, three boys.
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133. And don't even think about naming
one of them William.
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134. Janet, hold on. Wait a minute.
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135. Don't you think it's a little early
to be talking about marriage?
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136. Excuse me?
Then what did you have in mind?
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137. I don't know.
Dinner, maybe a dance or two.
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138. Is that right?
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139. A moment ago, you were chewing
on my earlobe, Mr. Niblet.
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140. Did you think you could sample the milk...
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141. without putting a down payment
on the cow?
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142. I ordered lemonade.
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143. You're not gonna drink it.
You're cutting out sugar, too.
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144. No husband of mine will sit around
getting fat and watching TV all day...
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145. and leaving me with all the work
of raising six kids by myself. No.
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146. - But—
- But, nothing.
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147. And look at me when I'm talking to you!
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148. William, who are you looking at?
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149. Hi, Hilary. Did a guy named Michael call
while I was in the shower?
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150. - No. Who is he?
- Just a boy in my class.
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151. - Do you like him?
- Sort of.
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152. - Was he supposed to call?
- He said he would.
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153. I can't stand it when men do this.
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154. They say they'll call, so you wait and wait.
And nothing.
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155. Do they think we have nothing better
to do than sit by the phone?
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156. Hello? Hello, Michael.
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157. I'm glad you found a time
that was convenient for you to call.
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158. No, Ashley is not here.
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159. I don't know where she is.
She may not be back for several days.
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160. - Hilary!
- I know what I'm doing.
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161. You want her to call you back?
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162. Yeah, that'll be happening,
Mr. God's Gift to the Fifth Grade.
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163. Don't you feel great?
Brisk walk in the morning...
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164. and now you're exercised
and ready to start the day.
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165. Yeah. We got any more
of those pecan rolls?
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166. Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil, I need your help.
I'm having girl problems.
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167. - Didn't your date go well last night?
- No.
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168. What's the matter, baby?
You like Janet more than she likes you?
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169. I don't think so.
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170. Well, I sure liked her.
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171. I hope so, since we'll probably
be living here with our six kids.
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172. - Kids?
- She told me last night we're having six.
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173. Not anytime soon, I hope.
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174. She doesn't want to start a family
until we've finished graduate school...
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175. worked at least five years
and have complete dental benefits.
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176. - That sounds very sensible.
- Aunt Viv, this is all before we had salads.
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177. Why don't you tell her
you're not interested?
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178. I tried, man. She just won't listen.
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179. It's like Fatal Attraction.
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180. I'm telling you, if we had a bunny,
dude would be on the stove right now.
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181. - Come on, Will.
- I'm telling you, this babe is tripping.
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182. She's already telling me
what to do, what to eat, where to look.
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183. Well, women get like that.
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184. - Get like what?
- You know.
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185. No, Philip, I do not. Women get like what?
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186. Like that.
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187. You say something, William?
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188. Master William,
Mr. Jazz is here to see you.
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189. Thank you, G.
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190. What do women get like? I am waiting.
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191. Hello!
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192. Prince, is your uncle here?
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193. I think I dislocated my hip
last night dancing.
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194. I don't want to risk getting thrown out.
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195. Yo, man, what's up?
Come on, man, that tickles.
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196. I want my clothes back, Jazz.
You set me up with a maniac.
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197. Your sister's the bossiest woman
in the world.
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198. - I know.
- You know?
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199. She gets on my last nerves.
Ever since she moved out here...
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200. she's been hanging out at my place,
bossing me around all the time.
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201. I had to pawn her off on some sucker.
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202. Setting me up.
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203. Between you and the Humpty Dance,
I'll get a metal plate put in my butt.
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204. You deserve it. Your sister showed up
here at 7:00 to pick out my clothes.
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205. By 10:00, she phoned five times.
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206. I'm telling you, she'd be here now
if she wasn't out shopping for my beeper.
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207. Are you saying your relationship
isn't working out?
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208. What relationship? I just met her.
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209. if you're thinking about breaking up
with her, you better think again.
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210. Last guy that tried to cut her loose...
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211. it wasn't pretty.
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212. Dude, he's walking and all, but still.
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213. - What am I supposed to do?
- I say, marry her.
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214. You can stop that.
Homes, I'm breaking up with her.
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215. Well, if she kills you, can I have that shirt?
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216. - No, you can't have this shirt, Jazz.
- I got an idea.
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217. I set you two up
to get her out of my face, right?
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218. So why don't you set her up
with some other sucker?
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219. I ain't living like that. What guy deserves
a woman like your sister?
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220. Hi, fellas!
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221. Hope you don't mind,
I borrowed your Public Enemy tape.
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222. - You like Public Enemy?
- They're not half bad.
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223. That used to be my favorite song.
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224. You know, Carlton, I misjudged you.
You're a lot cooler than I thought.
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225. You want to go
to the club with us tonight?
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226. Sure, but I don't have a date.
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227. Carlton, never bring a sandwich
to a buffet.
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228. And what is boyfriend having?
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229. The green-grass salad
with blue-cheese dressing.
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230. - Nix the blue cheese.
- Got it.
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231. Janet! Kiss, kiss.
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232. - Janet, meet Toni. Toni, Janet.
- Oh, Janet.
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233. I have a sister named Jane,
but we call her Amy.
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234. You know Carlton and Will.
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235. And a little further down
on the evolutionary chart, Jazz.
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236. She noticed me.
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237. - Hi, Carlton. Hi, Will.
- How you doing, Toni?
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238. - That's my cousin's best friend.
- Do I look like I care?
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239. Aren't you feeling well, Janet?
You seem a little cranky.
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240. She's just kidding around, Carlton.
That's what makes her so much fun.
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241. Will, this is a great jacket.
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242. Thanks.
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243. Are you, like, saying grace or what?
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244. Yeah, I've been praying a lot lately.
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245. if you don't stop talking
out of the side of your mouth...
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246. you're going to be talking
like that permanently.
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247. Break out the Midol.
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248. Would you ladies care to join us?
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249. Maybe later. We have to see
if anyone better is here first.
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250. - isn't that Patrick Swayze?
- I don't know. You tell us, Carlton.
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251. You see, Janet, not only
is Carlton brilliant and handsome...
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252. he also knows everybody who's anybody.
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253. - Ain't that right, Jazz?
- Does he know Janet Jackson?
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254. William, ever since we got here...
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255. you've been going on and on
about Carlton this and Carlton that.
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256. Boy, save your charm
for the girl on your arm.
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257. Someone has her rude hat on tonight.
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258. William, my soda is warm.
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259. Yo, Gia.
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260. I need more ice.
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261. You need more ice, what?
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262. I need more ice in my warm soda.
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263. You need more ice, please.
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264. - What did you say to me?
- He said, "You need more ice, please."
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265. Heads up.
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266. Will, I'm sorry. I've got to say something.
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267. Janet, your behavior this evening
has been completely unacceptable.
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268. Carlton.
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269. Where I come from,
manners count for a lot.
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270. I'm sorry I've got to say this...
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271. but I simply can't sit back
and allow this rudeness to continue.
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272. You owe every one of us an apology,
especially that poor waitress.
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273. if you refuse, we're taking you home
and continuing the evening without you.
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274. Do I make myself clear?
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275. You know, I'm going to miss him.
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276. Do I make myself clear?
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277. Yes, Carlton.
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278. Carlton was a little bit of that.
I didn't know he had it in him.
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279. He stood right up to Janet and said:
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280. "Baby, that's about all that lip
I'm going to have."
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281. Boys, you've got a lot to learn
about women.
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282. Carlton has obviously
been watching me in action.
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283. Now, Will, your Aunt Vivian
can be quite bossy at times.
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284. But when she starts bossing me around,
I don't let it bother me.
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285. I just say no in a strong, masculine voice.
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286. And when I say no, she jumps.
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287. Excuse me.
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288. What did you say?
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289. I don't know.
How long have you been there?
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290. I came in on, "Your Aunt Vivian
can be quite bossy sometimes."
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291. You didn't hear the part where I said:
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292. "Boys, the rest of this statement
is completely untrue."
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293. Philip, you better sleep with one eye open.
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294. I got her just where I want her.
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295. You know, I've learned something
from all this, Jazz.
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296. - You know what every woman wants?
- Rib tips?
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297. No, Jazz.
Every woman wants a man to take control.
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298. That's what Carlton did with Janet.
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299. if he can make it work for him,
imagine what I could do.
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300. You did an excellent job
on those apology notes.
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301. - I'll mail them right away.
- Mail them?
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302. - I'm sorry, Carlton. I'll hand-deliver them.
- That's better.
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303. I'll get your coat.
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304. I really should write a book.
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305. Okay. Jazz, I know how to check a woman.
Watch this.
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306. Yo, Janet!
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307. Peep this here, baby.
We're going out tonight.
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308. I'm gonna choose the place.
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309. I'm gonna eyeball any honey
that I darn well please, all right.
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310. Then I'm gonna order a steak
with a big bucket of blue-cheese dressing.
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311. Do I make myself clear?
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312. The only thing clear about you
is the space between your ears.
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313. Why the hell didn't that work?
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314. You got the theory right.
You just ain't got the technique.
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315. Take notes. Hilary!
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316. What?
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317. Hilary, your behavior at the club last night
was completely unacceptable.
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318. Where I come from,
manners count for a lot.
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319. Now, I'm sorry to have to say this,
but I simply can't sit here...
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320. and allow this rudeness to continue.
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321. Do I make myself clear?
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322. Come here.
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