1. And then came the Third Day
of Christmas...Copy !req
2. and still no one had
made a present for Santa.Copy !req
3. Whom shall I ask to
help me, boys and girls?Copy !req
4. I know.Copy !req
5. Ask the reindeer on your left hand.Copy !req
6. I'd love to help...Copy !req
7. but I have my hooves full as it is.Copy !req
8. I get it. His hooves are full.
He don't have no hands, I get it.Copy !req
9. Hey, G, I did not see that coming.
This is dope, right, Ash?Copy !req
10. - Ashley!
- I'm awake.Copy !req
11. I don't know why I bother.Copy !req
12. It's impossible to compete
with tawdry entertainment...Copy !req
13. like MTV, Nintendo...Copy !req
14. the new children on the block.Copy !req
15. Thanks a lot, Ash. Now I'll never
know how the story ends.Copy !req
16. I really wanted to know
what Santa got for Christmas.Copy !req
17. He doesn't get an actual gift, Will.Copy !req
18. He gets the love of all the little children
in the world.Copy !req
19. Really? What a gyp.Copy !req
20. Come on, Will.
Everyone knows there's no Santa Claus.Copy !req
21. Wait a minute, there is no Milli Vanilli...Copy !req
22. but there definitely is a Santa Claus.Copy !req
23. Okay, Ash, let's write our letters
to Santa Claus.Copy !req
24. Here, you can help me with my list.Copy !req
25. How do you spell "Vanessa Williams"?Copy !req
26. Don't you have anything better to do
with Christmas vacation...Copy !req
27. than writing a silly letter?Copy !req
28. What are you gonna do with your
vacation? Play with your friends?Copy !req
29. I wish I had someone to play with...Copy !req
30. but every year my friends
all go out of town...Copy !req
31. and I'm stuck here all alone.Copy !req
32. You can still have fun while you're here.Copy !req
33. I'm going to. I've decided to learn
a new word every day.Copy !req
34. Ashley, that's boring.Copy !req
35. Really? I think it's very autodidactic.Copy !req
36. Christmas vacation is finally here.
God help me, I do love it so.Copy !req
37. I thought you liked school, Carlton.Copy !req
38. Ash, I think Bel-Air Academy
is one of the best schools in the country.Copy !req
39. lts academics and sports program
are excellent, and the faculty is first-rate...Copy !req
40. but around December 10, it starts to get
a little old. Know what I mean?Copy !req
41. Carlton, we got a problem.
Your sister, 10 years old...Copy !req
42. and doesn't know
the meaning of Christmas.Copy !req
43. I know the meaning of "undulate."Copy !req
44. I don't know where this Christmas thing's
going, but I've got bigger fish to fry.Copy !req
45. I've got to raise $600 more
for my Glee Club ski trip.Copy !req
46. Give you $1 if you shave your head.Copy !req
47. I've booked the Alligaroos
to sing at a bunch of Christmas parties.Copy !req
48. if we make enough money,
on December 26 we'll all be...Copy !req
49. lmitating Jerry Lewis?Copy !req
50. I've got to rehearse now.Copy !req
51. Guys, let's use this room.Copy !req
52. Let's start with our opening number.Copy !req
53. Five, six, five, six, seven, and...Copy !req
54. Hold it!Copy !req
55. What the bloody hell kind of song is that?Copy !req
56. What do you mean?Copy !req
57. A little kid sees his mom
tongue-wrestling with Santa Claus?Copy !req
58. Will, it's his father
dressed up like Santa Claus.Copy !req
59. Why'd he dress up like... I get it.Copy !req
60. I dress up like Santa Claus.Copy !req
61. You dress up like the Easter Bunny.
That makes me sick.Copy !req
62. We're putting together a program
for Jonathan's parents' party tonight.Copy !req
63. Jonathan's stepfather
is a record producer...Copy !req
64. and he asked us not to do
tired old Christmas carols.Copy !req
65. Here's our program.Copy !req
66. Wait a minute.Copy !req
67. You Don't Bring Me FIowers...Copy !req
68. People Who Need People,
The Way We Were.Copy !req
69. Who's coming down the chimney,
Barbra Streisand?Copy !req
70. You've been to my parents' parties?Copy !req
71. That would be fantastic. All right.Copy !req
72. Also, I want to send a box
of the fancy chocolate-covered pretzels...Copy !req
73. to Mr. Patrick Swayze.Copy !req
74. Right. The card should read:Copy !req
75. "Pat, saw these and immediately
thought of you. Love, Hilary. XXX."Copy !req
76. Send the same thing to Kevin Costner,
Michelle Pfeiffer and Sting.Copy !req
77. Great, thanks.Copy !req
78. That takes care of the A-list.Copy !req
79. Now, should I send the box of pears
or the meat thermometer...Copy !req
80. to Steve Guttenberg?Copy !req
81. Hilary, I hate to inject some reality
into these proceedings...Copy !req
82. but who you trying to fool, baby?Copy !req
83. What do you mean?Copy !req
84. You always walk around fronting
like you know all these famous people.Copy !req
85. You don't know nobody.Copy !req
86. Will, you are so jaded and skeptical.Copy !req
87. You remind me so much of Judd Nelson.Copy !req
88. Philip, we'll spend an hour
at your office party, then we'll come home.Copy !req
89. - I have papers to grade.
- Okay, but first things first.Copy !req
90. Do you remember the names
of all my partners' wives?Copy !req
91. Yes.Copy !req
92. - Who is George Meyer's wife?
- Eunice.Copy !req
93. That was last year.
The new wife's name is Kelly.Copy !req
94. Kelly? Walter's secretary?Copy !req
95. - Now, who is Jack Fitzgerald's wife?
- Doris.Copy !req
96. The correct answer is Heather,
formerly the muffin-cart girl.Copy !req
97. Wait a minute. How many new wives
are going to be at this party?Copy !req
98. Let's put it this way, Vivian.
You're the only repeat.Copy !req
99. Hold up.
You guys going to a Christmas party?Copy !req
100. - It's just an office Christmas party.
- I remember ours back in Philly.Copy !req
101. The building would be filled
with the sounds of Christmas.Copy !req
102. Jingle bells and singing and laughing.Copy !req
103. Then at the end of the evening,
the traditional police sirens.Copy !req
104. Those were the days.Copy !req
105. I'll just go bring the car around.Copy !req
106. Aunt Viv, does this neighborhood
do anything special for Christmas?Copy !req
107. Not really.Copy !req
108. Last year, President Reagan's
Secret Service agents...Copy !req
109. dressed up as Santa and warned
everyone to keep their distance.Copy !req
110. That was kind of festive.Copy !req
111. Aunt Viv, this is terrible.Copy !req
112. People in Bel-Air don't know
how to celebrate Christmas.Copy !req
113. - I'm worried about Ashley.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
114. Growing up in Bel-Air,
she never had a real Christmas.Copy !req
115. There's no sledding, there's no caroling...Copy !req
116. there's no winos making
snow angels on the front lawn.Copy !req
117. You don't even decorate the living room.Copy !req
118. Yes, we do. We've already started.
The poinsettias, the red candles...Copy !req
119. and here's the beautiful crystal nativity...Copy !req
120. your uncle gave me
for Christmas years ago.Copy !req
121. Where's little baby Jesus?Copy !req
122. - Right there.
- That little disk?Copy !req
123. There are more decorations coming.
A wonderful shop in Beverly Hills...Copy !req
124. comes to the house, sets up the tree
and decorates it for us.Copy !req
125. Do they open your presents
and wear your sweaters, too?Copy !req
126. if you want to show Ashley
a little more of the Christmas spirit...Copy !req
127. why don't you go to the shop,
pick up the decorations...Copy !req
128. and you and Ashley
can decorate it yourself, okay?Copy !req
129. All right, then.Copy !req
130. This is going to be hype.
Have fun at the office Christmas party.Copy !req
131. Thanks, I'm looking forward
to meeting all the new wives.Copy !req
132. I hope they bring their Barbie dolls.Copy !req
133. Will, were you vociferating for me?Copy !req
134. I got to get back to you on that.Copy !req
135. You want to go to Beverly Hills with me
and get the decorations?Copy !req
136. - Okay.
- We can sing Christmas songs all the way.Copy !req
137. Great. Here's one Carlton taught me.Copy !req
138. Hi.Copy !req
139. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
140. Aren't these figures outstanding?Copy !req
141. They're beyond outstanding,
they're deeply beyond.Copy !req
142. They're hand-carved.Copy !req
143. We import them from Poland.Copy !req
144. We're looking for
some Christmas decorations.Copy !req
145. Let me show you something
we're doing now that's deeply happening.Copy !req
146. It's a Caribbean Christmas tree.Copy !req
147. It's very big in London, it's beyond big.Copy !req
148. It's all about very hot oranges
and very intense yellows.Copy !req
149. I feel it's a very vibrant tree,
and I feel it's a very important tree.Copy !req
150. We're just picking up the decorations
for my mother, Mrs. Banks.Copy !req
151. Yeah, she phoned and told me...Copy !req
152. you'd be putting them up
yourselves this year, which is fine.Copy !req
153. You'll save yourself a little money,
which is a good thing...Copy !req
154. because the '90s
are going to be all about restraint.Copy !req
155. Is this the wreath for the door?Copy !req
156. Yeah. Let's talk about
that wreath for a moment, if you will.Copy !req
157. Last year, I was so deeply into
the distant salmons and the sandy beiges.Copy !req
158. But this year I went
more with the muted roses...Copy !req
159. with these little arrogant touches
of celadon and periwinkle.Copy !req
160. I think it worked out quite nice.Copy !req
161. Let's try something wild here, you know?Copy !req
162. Do you have anything red or green...Copy !req
163. or, I don't know,
maybe something like a Santa Claus?Copy !req
164. It's been done.Copy !req
165. Excuse us.Copy !req
166. These decorations are wack.
We'll save Aunt Viv a lot of money...Copy !req
167. and buy them somewhere else. Let's go.Copy !req
168. Excuse me.
You forgot your box of decorations.Copy !req
169. No, you see, we're going to do
our own decorations this year.Copy !req
170. It's going to be about arrogant little elves
and rambunctious reindeer...Copy !req
171. and little men in red suits.Copy !req
172. I think it will be deeply, deeply dope.Copy !req
173. We should've left
that stupid office party an hour earlier.Copy !req
174. I still have 30 papers to grade.Copy !req
175. We're both busy, but we
can't work in the car...Copy !req
176. so why don't we take this time
to relax a bit?Copy !req
177. You're right.Copy !req
178. Look how nicely they decorated
the house on the corner.Copy !req
179. Those white lights on the tree outside.Copy !req
180. Just the right touch of lights.Copy !req
181. A little goes a long way, you know.Copy !req
182. God, I used to love
Christmas when I was little.Copy !req
183. Now it just rushes by in one big blur.Copy !req
184. Christmas is more for kids.Copy !req
185. You know, even though we're busy...Copy !req
186. I think we should do
something nice for Will.Copy !req
187. Must be hard for him spending
Christmas in a strange place.Copy !req
188. Yeah, you're right, sweetheart.
We'll do something nice for him.Copy !req
189. Surprise!Copy !req
190. - Ashley, sweetie.
- Where's Will?Copy !req
191. - Aren't you surprised, Mommy?
- Where is Will?Copy !req
192. I had so much fun today with Will,
you can't believe it.Copy !req
193. Surprise!Copy !req
194. Look, it's Will.Copy !req
195. Will, what happened
at the Christmas shop?Copy !req
196. Aunt Viv, they were trying to rip you off.Copy !req
197. So me and Ashley went down
to the Pick 'n' Grab.Copy !req
198. Hello. Yes, this is Philip Banks.Copy !req
199. You saw our lights.Copy !req
200. The blinking Frosty the Snowman
is riling your attack dogs.Copy !req
201. That's wonderful.Copy !req
202. Our neighbors are furious.
We must take down the lights.Copy !req
203. Uncle Phil, I bet there's a lot of neighbors
that love those decorations.Copy !req
204. I mean, certainly anyone
who possesses good taste.Copy !req
205. Banks residence.
Have a holly, jolly Christmas.Copy !req
206. Brother, you got a problem
with my lights?Copy !req
207. Why don't you come tell me
that to my face, then?Copy !req
208. You can do whatever you want to do.Copy !req
209. It's your world, squirrel.
I'm just trying to get a nut.Copy !req
210. What? We can do this.
That was clever, Trevor.Copy !req
211. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.Copy !req
212. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
213. Madam, sir.Copy !req
214. A group of your neighbors
have assembled on the front lawn.Copy !req
215. They're looking at your Christmas
decorations and growing enraged.Copy !req
216. They are threatening
to burn Frosty in effigy.Copy !req
217. We'd better get out there.Copy !req
218. Geoffrey, thanks for helping us
put up those Christmas decorations.Copy !req
219. I'd have never had the guts
to climb up on that roof...Copy !req
220. with that reindeer strapped on my back.Copy !req
221. Anything in the name of Christmas,
Master William.Copy !req
222. Your aunt and uncle
didn't suspect anything, did they?Copy !req
223. No.Copy !req
224. Still, I think it's best we avoid eye contact
for the rest of the evening.Copy !req
225. 10-4.Copy !req
226. - Should I talk to them? Or do you want to?
- No, I'll give it a try.Copy !req
227. - Dad, can I offer a suggestion?
- Sure.Copy !req
228. They're our neighbors and they're upset.Copy !req
229. It's up to us to make sure
that this doesn't ruin their Christmas.Copy !req
230. There's only one way to do that.
I think we should write a few checks.Copy !req
231. Sit down, Carlton.Copy !req
232. As you wish, Father.Copy !req
233. I'll have to tell them we'll take
the decorations down as soon as we can.Copy !req
234. Can't we leave some of them up?Copy !req
235. I don't know, maybe we can reach
a compromise.Copy !req
236. Everybody, in keeping
with the spirit of the season...Copy !req
237. I think we can discuss this rationally.Copy !req
238. Property values in this neighborhood
must be vigorously protected.Copy !req
239. isn't that right, Mr. Uesato?Copy !req
240. I'm afraid potential buyers
aren't too crazy about the Kmart look.Copy !req
241. You know dear, there are wonderful
services that will come...Copy !req
242. and decorate your house for you.Copy !req
243. But this year our daughter
and nephew decided...Copy !req
244. to do the decorating themselves.Copy !req
245. I see. Are they very angry with you
over something?Copy !req
246. No, why?Copy !req
247. This reminds me of the summer
my daughter Amanda turned 15...Copy !req
248. and tried to burn our house down.Copy !req
249. Master William.Copy !req
250. There is a gentleman
in the foyer who claims...Copy !req
251. you had some harsh words
with him on the phone.Copy !req
252. Oh, yeah? That chump is here?
Send him in.Copy !req
253. Fighting doesn't solve anything.Copy !req
254. Aunt Viv, ain't gonna be no fight.Copy !req
255. I can tell by the sound of this guy's voice
on the phone, I could take him in a minute.Copy !req
256. Mr. Evander Holyfield.Copy !req
257. The undisputed
Heavyweight Champion of the World.Copy !req
258. Nice champion.Copy !req
259. I recognize your voice.Copy !req
260. You're the chump I talked
to on the telephone.Copy !req
261. Phone? I ain't talked to you on no phone.Copy !req
262. - Evander.
- Hilary.Copy !req
263. You know her?Copy !req
264. Where were you last night
at Bruce Willis' party?Copy !req
265. I'm not speaking to Bruce.
I'll tell you about it later.Copy !req
266. - What are you doing here?
- I didn't know you lived here.Copy !req
267. Frankly, I saw the lights
and I thought they were...Copy !req
268. a little tacky.Copy !req
269. Look!Copy !req
270. I didn't mean for everybody
to get so upset.Copy !req
271. You might as well just
take all the lights down.Copy !req
272. - Ashley.
- It's okay, Dad.Copy !req
273. Now, come on. The house looks dope.Copy !req
274. Who cares what they think?Copy !req
275. Bet you Santa thinks it's nice.Copy !req
276. I know you're trying to get me
into the Christmas spirit...Copy !req
277. but I'm just not into it.Copy !req
278. All those people are in a bad mood...Copy !req
279. none of my friends
are around to play with.Copy !req
280. I'm going to go up to my room...Copy !req
281. learn some new word
and wait until New Year's.Copy !req
282. That was great. Who are you guys?Copy !req
283. - Hi, I'm Mark Driscoll.
- How you doing?Copy !req
284. Every year, I take
the neighborhood kids around...Copy !req
285. to look at the Christmas lights.Copy !req
286. They choose one house
as the best-decorated...Copy !req
287. then sing carols
for the people who live there.Copy !req
288. - This year, you guys won.
- We drove all over.Copy !req
289. Yeah, and usually this neighborhood
is a complete dud.Copy !req
290. We weren't even going to come here...Copy !req
291. until Jimmy saw the house
from the freeway.Copy !req
292. I tell you what, we've got cookies
and hot chocolate inside. Come on in.Copy !req
293. All right, let's go.Copy !req
294. - Thanks. Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.Copy !req
295. Ashley, I seem to remember you saying...Copy !req
296. you wanted some friends
and there they are.Copy !req
297. Still don't believe
that there's a Santa Claus?Copy !req
298. I'm glad we cleared up this little matter.Copy !req
299. I assume the lights will
be down by tomorrow.Copy !req
300. Wait. I've changed my mind.Copy !req
301. - I want the lights to stay up.
- Fight the power, Ashley.Copy !req
302. I love them. They're beautiful.Copy !req
303. I'm not the only one who thinks so.Copy !req
304. Will thinks so, too,
and so do all these kids.Copy !req
305. And besides, it's Christmas.Copy !req
306. When I look at the lights and the reindeer
and the decorations...Copy !req
307. it makes me feel very ebullient.Copy !req
308. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
309. Ashley's right.
What are we arguing about here?Copy !req
310. When we were kids,
we used to all love Christmas.Copy !req
311. And now we take things too seriously.Copy !req
312. Personally, I think the lights
are kind of neat.Copy !req
313. I guess they're really not hurting anybody.Copy !req
314. And the kids really like them.Copy !req
315. We shouldn't be fighting. It's so barbaric.Copy !req
316. Then we're all agreed?Copy !req
317. I think those decorations are totally
inappropriate for a home in Bel-Air.Copy !req
318. Madam, another of your neighbors
has arrived.Copy !req
319. Great, that's all we need.Copy !req
320. Excuse me.Copy !req
321. Hello, everybody. Hi, there, Hilary.Copy !req
322. Thanks for the pretzels.Copy !req
323. I'm sorry to bother you, neighbor.
I just want to say that...Copy !req
324. I greatly admire your wonderful
Christmas decorations...Copy !req
325. and I just wanted to say that
because Nancy won't let me...Copy !req
326. do anything fun to our house.Copy !req
327. - Thank you, Mr. President.
- It's a pleasure.Copy !req
328. A few of our neighbors came to tell us
about our lights, too.Copy !req
329. What were you saying, Mr. Grey?Copy !req
330. I was just saying they were
absolutely magnificent, Mr. President.Copy !req
331. - That's what I think.
- This is what Christmas is all about.Copy !req
332. Now comes the magic moment.
Everybody gather around the TV.Copy !req
333. Will, what are you doing?Copy !req
334. This is one of our Christmas traditions.Copy !req
335. I like to watch out for
this certain commercial.Copy !req
336. A commercial?Copy !req
337. You know the one where it's all snowy...Copy !req
338. and the little jolly Santa is
riding on a Norelco shaver?Copy !req
339. I love that commercial.Copy !req
340. And that Christmas beer commercial...Copy !req
341. with the horses with the furry feet
are pulling the sleigh through the snow.Copy !req
342. I loved that commercial where
the little covered wagon...Copy !req
343. is being chased by the dog
across the kitchen floor.Copy !req
344. He's on the shaver!Copy !req