1. I told them you were awake.
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2. Happy birthday, Geoffrey!
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3. I'm so touched.
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4. May I get you anything?
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5. Don't be silly.
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6. You're always worried about pleasing us,
but today it's Saturday, we're home...
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7. and we're waiting on you.
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8. This is highly irregular.
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9. I don't want to hear it.
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10. Today, we're your butlers.
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11. Here's breakfast in bed.
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12. ls there anything else you would like?
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13. A spot of tea.
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14. I'll get the tea.
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15. Would you like anything with that?
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16. Geoffrey, relax. It's your birthday.
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17. We're gonna do
all of your most hated chores.
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18. But, sir, I don't hate any of my chores.
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19. We do.
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20. Are you going to do
anything special for your birthday?
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21. Most assuredly, Miss Ashley.
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22. Tonight, I'll be enjoying a BBC broadcast
of Gilbert and Sullivan's HMS Pinafore...
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23. followed by a penetrating interview
by David Frost.
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24. And they say the man can't party.
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25. Before we get you your tea...
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26. there's something else
we'd like to do for you.
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27. Carlton, put away
that tired old kazoo, please.
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28. Get busy for me one time, Skinny A.
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29. "Happy birthday, my man G
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30. "Because you know the most
About butlery
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31. "So don't move an inch, stay where you sit
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32. "We're going to treat you like
The King of Brit"
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33. Did you see that look on Geoffrey's face?
He just lit up.
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34. I never thought I'd say this,
but it feels really good...
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35. to do something for somebody else
for a change.
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36. Aren't we supposed
to make him some tea?
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37. Right.
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38. How'd you like to go into the kitchen...
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39. and introduce Mr. Tea Bag and Mr. Teapot
to Mr. Boiling Water?
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40. Hilary, how'd you like to make the tea
before I take away Mr. Allowance?
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41. Mother, please. Don't talk down to me.
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42. Yo, I got it.
I know what I'm getting G for his birthday.
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43. - What?
- Let me give you a hint.
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44. Little Richard?
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45. Shut up.
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46. No. I want to hook Geoffrey up
with a woman...
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47. so he can get busy.
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48. I think Geoffrey's busy enough,
what with all his chores.
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49. You don't get it.
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50. Look, it's Geoffrey's birthday,
and he's just staying up...
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51. listening to his radio.
Straight up, the man's depressed.
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52. No, he's not depressed. He's British.
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53. It's the man's birthday. Leave him alone.
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54. if Geoffrey's interested...
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55. I don't see any harm
in introducing him to a nice woman.
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56. - Here she goes.
- Here what goes?
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57. Your poor Aunt Vivian
seems to think she's a matchmaker.
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58. In her mind,
she's the Chuck Woolery of Bel-Air.
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59. It's not just my opinion.
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60. When I was in college,
I introduced three couples...
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61. and they all got married.
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62. And by your fifth reunion,
they were all divorced.
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63. I just get them to the altar.
After that, they're on their own.
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64. People, people, please.
I don't want to hear your dirty laundry.
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65. Geoffrey deserves a woman interested
in a serious, long-lasting relationship.
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66. And I know exactly where to find her.
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67. The mall.
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68. Wait till Geoffrey sees this.
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69. When I'm done,
he won't have to polish this for a month.
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70. - I can see myself.
- I can't.
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71. Stay smooth.
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72. Don't buckle.
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73. Hilary, what's the problem?
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74. I've never wrapped a present before.
Geoffrey's always wrapped my presents.
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75. Hilary, you can't ask him
to wrap his own present.
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76. I guess that's another one
of those unwritten rules.
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77. Man!
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78. Two hours at the mall,
and I ain't get no girls.
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79. What did you expect?
You went to the mall with girl-away there.
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80. For your information, Hilary,
Jazz here happens to be the master...
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81. when it comes to cracking on the girls.
The boy is irresistible.
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82. Sure, maybe during a blackout.
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83. I'd love to get a hold of you
during a blackout.
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84. Daddy.
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85. That's better. Now, where were we?
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86. In honor of Geoffrey's birthday,
we are preparing an incredible feast.
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87. Beef Stroganoff, Potatoes au Gratin,
and Apple Brown Betty.
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88. It sounds delicious. When will it be ready?
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89. In 55 seconds. Just tell us when to zap it.
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90. Could you put a hold on dinner, please?
I'm trying to find Geoffrey a girl.
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91. The words "mission impossible"
come to mind.
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92. - I know someone.
- Really?
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93. You know my friend Samantha?
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94. Maybe I should explain
some of the finer points of the law to you.
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95. I was going to say
that Samantha has this sweet nanny...
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96. who just came from England.
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97. She says Helen has nothing to do.
She just sits in her room at night knitting.
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98. I smell a match.
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99. How long has this nanny been in America?
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100. Two weeks.
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101. Perfect. A lonely woman,
new to our country...
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102. she probably won't even notice
what a Melvin Geoffrey is.
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103. Yo, Geoffrey.
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104. Ashley, you go invite her.
The rest of y'all beat it.
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105. You bellowed, Master William?
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106. I've been thinking about it.
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107. I'm not down with you
being lonely on your birthday.
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108. I shall be far from lonely.
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109. I shall be spending the evening
with the glorious music...
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110. of Sir William Schwenck Gilbert
and Sir Arthur Sullivan...
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111. not to mention David Frost.
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112. So far, I count you plus three guys.
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113. I just thought you might prefer a woman.
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114. I'm not making
too big an assumption here, am l?
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115. As it happens, I like women just fine.
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116. But I think it's a bad idea
for a butler to intertwine his private life...
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117. with that of the family.
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118. Surely you gleaned that much
from watching Mr. Belvedere.
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119. But, G, there's this nice old British nanny
that Ashley knows...
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120. she really wants to go out with you.
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121. - Sorry, Master William.
- But Ashley already invited her.
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122. What?
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123. I told her that was a little pushy,
but you know kids.
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124. This is just regrettable.
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125. It ain't so bad, G.
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126. I mean, it's your patriotic duty
to show your countrywoman a good time.
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127. G, don't do it for yourself.
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128. Do it for the King.
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129. I wouldn't want to disappoint
King Elizabeth.
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130. Helen is going to be here any minute.
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131. - Baby, hook it up.
- I'm hooking as fast as I can.
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132. Don't be such a wanker.
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133. - What are you going to wear?
- Voila.
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134. No.
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135. Come on, G.
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136. Hilary's taking you and Helen
to the fliest club in LA.
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137. Jazz is the DJ there.
He said the place is all of that.
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138. All what?
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139. Look, forget it.
I don't think you understand, man.
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140. You got a kind of a Ben Vereen thing
going here, man.
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141. Come on, baby.
You got to dress a lot funkier than that.
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142. Funkier?
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143. There. Pure, unadulterated funk.
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144. All right, look, G,
forget about looking cool.
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145. Let's concentrate on acting cool.
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146. Don't talk to me about cool.
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147. During the '70s, I was briefly employed
as Led Zeppelin's road butler.
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148. When the music is pumping
and it's time to go on the dance floor...
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149. this is what you do.
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150. Now you give it a try.
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151. I would be most happy to,
but to the best of my knowledge...
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152. hell has not yet frozen over.
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153. Madam, sir. A round-trip ticket to England.
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154. Thank you.
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155. We thought it would be nice for you
to see your family.
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156. Yes, I suppose I should drop in on them.
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157. This is from Ashley and me.
I paid the lion's share.
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158. Happy birthday, Geoffrey.
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159. English Leather.
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160. English toffee.
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161. An English muffin.
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162. That sounds like my present, G,
but I'll leave the unwrapping to you.
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163. Will, must you be so ribald?
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164. I won't answer that
without a lawyer and a dictionary.
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165. I'll get Helen.
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166. Here's my present, Geoffrey.
Happy birthday.
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167. I wrapped it myself.
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168. Thank you, Miss Hilary.
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169. This is most generous.
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170. I know I boss you around too much.
This gift is my way of making up for it.
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171. Hilary, sweetheart,
you could also stop bossing him around.
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172. Okay, then I'll keep the sweater.
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173. - He's right this way, Helen.
- Happy birthday, G.
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174. Get ready to have your candles blown out.
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175. Geoffrey, I'd like you to meet
Samantha's nanny, Helen Carter.
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176. Helen, I'd like you to meet Geoffrey.
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177. - Charmed.
- It's nice to meet you.
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178. From the children's description,
I thought you'd be much older.
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179. Ditto.
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180. And this is my mom, my dad...
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181. Hilary, Will, and Carlton.
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182. You can call me Tony.
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183. What are you trying to pull here,
Tony the Tiger?
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184. I didn't start it.
Did you see the way she looked at me?
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185. Share the fantasy, Carlton.
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186. I was just trying to be friendly.
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187. Park your welcome wagon elsewhere.
That's Geoffrey's date.
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188. She'll be dancing with him,
but she'll be thinking of me.
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189. So, Helen, I'm Will.
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190. Welcome to our humble crib.
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191. Ashley, this must be
that houseboy you were telling me about.
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192. That's homeboy.
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193. Sorry.
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194. I'm so glad
you could make it tonight, Helen.
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195. This is working out just beautifully.
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196. The two of you
look so wonderful together.
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197. How many lives
do you have to ruin, Vivian?
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198. Helen, what part of England are you from?
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199. Allow me, Miss Hilary.
You can tell a lot from a person's accent.
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200. You're from London, of course.
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201. - Of course.
- I'm guessing West End.
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202. - Why, yes.
- Chilton Road?
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203. - That's right.
- Upstairs above Shrimpton & Son.
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204. Close. One more block up,
next to Bottomleys.
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205. It has been a while.
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206. isn't this cute?
You two have so much in common.
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207. You both speak English.
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208. To this day, it remains the largest rhino
ever to be taken with a bow and arrow.
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209. Geoffrey, this is fascinating.
It's like going out with James Bond.
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210. You're not the first
to have made that comparison.
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211. I'm going to go mingle.
The "A" list turned out tonight.
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212. Really?
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213. Look. That's Tom Cruise's pool cleaner.
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214. And that's Cher's electrolysist.
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215. And that's Heather Locklear.
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216. Hey, beautiful, I see
you've come to make up.
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217. What's with the Band-Aid?
Was your brain leaking?
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218. I hit the pavement kind of hard
when your dad threw me out of the house.
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219. You could call it a love scar.
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220. Perhaps I haven't been clear in the past.
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221. I don't like talking to you.
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222. I don't even like seeing you.
So please, just go away.
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223. I love a flirt.
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224. Will, what are you doing here?
Leave Geoffrey and Helen alone.
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225. What do you think I am?
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226. I'm down here merely to hang out
with my good friend Jazz.
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227. While you're here at it, hose him down.
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228. I got to run.
There's Demi Moore's cable man.
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229. - Yo, J, what up, baby?
- Yo.
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230. Your cousin's really starting
to warm up to me.
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231. Yeah, right.
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232. - What's wrong with you?
- Peep out that babe G's with.
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233. You mean Wonder Woman?
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234. Check this out.
I got the worst luck in the world.
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235. All the babes I mess with in Bel-Air
been whacked, right?
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236. I follow you so far.
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237. I go to hook G up
with an old British nanny...
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238. it turns out to be her.
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239. She don't look too old to me.
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240. I know, Jazz. She's perfect.
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241. Homey, I'm in love.
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242. G didn't even want to go out with her
in the first place.
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243. I don't know what you guys do in Philly...
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244. but in LA,
we don't give stuff like that away.
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245. I don't know what you guys do in LA...
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246. but in Philly, you crack on
somebody's honey, you get yourself killed.
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247. I don't know what you guys do in Philly,
but in LA, we men have to take that risk.
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248. Yo, brother, you want to take this outside?
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249. Calm down, man. Listen.
Tell me, how's your butler dance?
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250. Like he dresses. Why?
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251. I'll throw on some house music,
he can't hang out on the dance floor.
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252. You can pick up all the pieces.
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253. We got a brother in the house tonight.
He's celebrating his birthday.
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254. He's my main man Geoffrey.
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255. Clear the dance floor,
and let him and his Iady get busy.
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256. Helen, care to cut a rug?
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257. Smashing.
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258. Like an angel in flight.
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259. Yeah, he is better than I thought he'd be.
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260. They're doing the lambada.
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261. That's the forbidden dance.
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262. It's like this, right?
Mississippi Burning, right?
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263. I'm getting that feeling of deja vu.
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264. I'm trying to concentrate.
Could you turn that down?
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265. I'm sorry, honey.
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266. Maybe this will help.
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267. It's Saturday night.
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268. We always used to go out dancing
Saturday nights.
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269. Maybe we can do some in-house dancing.
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270. - What are you doing home?
- Man, I sort of bounced home.
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271. - They threw me out of the club.
- Why?
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272. It all started when your man Geoffrey
started doing the lambada.
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273. Geoffrey does the lambada?
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274. That's the forbidden dance.
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275. You guys missed the night of the year.
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276. Geoffrey is an amazing dancer.
He was doing back flips.
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277. Back flips?
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278. isn't he cute?
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279. - Good night, Geoffrey.
- Good night, Miss Hilary.
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280. Yes, I think we'll go up, too.
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281. Good night, everyone,
and thanks for a lovely birthday.
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282. - Yo, G?
- Yes?
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283. Hold on.
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284. I shouldn't have busted your groove
at the club.
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285. I guess what I want to say is
it's all Jazz's fault, man.
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286. Sit down, lad.
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287. Master William...
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288. for you, a birthday is a time
to paint the town red...
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289. but for me, it's a time of reflection.
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290. A time to review
one's successes and regrets.
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291. One of my regrets has always been
the fact that I never had a son.
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292. I have so much advice
to pass on to the next generation.
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293. But no one to tell it to.
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294. Look at the time.
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295. Boy, I'm bushed.
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296. Sit, William.
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297. My boy, a man is much more...
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298. than the job he holds
or the clothes he wears.
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299. For example, if I were to judge you
by your costume...
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300. I should guess
you were some kind of circus performer.
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301. That's pretty cold, G.
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302. But you made
the same assumptions about me.
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303. You assumed I was lonely.
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304. You assumed I couldn't comport myself
at a nightspot.
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305. You assumed I was a poor dancer.
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306. I hope the events of tonight
have proved to you...
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307. that I am, as the saying goes...
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308. a fairly fly individual.
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309. Helen sure thinks so.
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310. She's certainly a hot little number.
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311. But I'm afraid she and I were mismatched.
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312. - She was a little too young for you?
- Quite the contrary.
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313. I am afraid I was a little too intimidating
for the poor girl.
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314. She's looking for someone a little slower...
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315. a little less sophisticated.
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316. I could be slower.
I'm sure I could be less sophisticated.
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317. She sensed that.
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318. Here's her phone number.
She's expecting your call.
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319. It isn't important
that I got the date with Helen.
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320. The important thing is...
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321. I learned to appreciate Geoffrey
as a human being.
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322. And Geoffrey and l
have a deeper relationship.
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