1. Shane's sick! He can't speak!Copy !req
2. Anita, he lost his voice!Copy !req
3. Comic-Con, big announcement,Copy !req
4. Shane can't speak,
I'm fuckin' freaking out, Anita!Copy !req
5. Poor Shane. Poor Shane is poorly.Copy !req
6. All right, Shane can't speak,Copy !req
7. and he needs me
to step up for Comic-Con.Copy !req
8. Big announcements.Copy !req
9. I'm going on stage
and I need to keep my cool.Copy !req
10. For context, here's my previous
appearance from 2017.Copy !req
11. Whoo! Whoo! Ha-ha-ha! Yeah!Copy !req
12. San Diego, yeah!Copy !req
13. Let's announce some movies!Copy !req
14. Stories! Stories!Copy !req
15. In fairness, it played good in the room.Copy !req
16. Stories!Copy !req
17. So, here's what I'll need.Copy !req
18. A stylist, a haircut,Copy !req
19. and a guy with a defibrillator
on standby just in case.Copy !req
20. All right? Let's go!Copy !req
21. Shit just got fucking real.Copy !req
22. Anita, I have a job for you.Copy !req
23. Where is it? Where is it?
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?Copy !req
24. Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?Copy !req
25. Where is it? Where is— There it is.Copy !req
26. Can I get your eyes on my speech?Copy !req
27. It's Shane's draft.
I don't have time to go through it.Copy !req
28. It has to be in my voice.
Okay? Can you do that?Copy !req
29. Sure. What else would I do
with my master's in literature?Copy !req
30. What a fucking angel. Thank you.Copy !req
31. Got some major bombs to drop!Copy !req
32. All right, so,Copy !req
33. how do we stop me
from getting overexcited, huh?Copy !req
34. I'm psyched to hear your ideas.
I'm psyched!Copy !req
35. Uncle Pat's got some phases to announce,
and it's content time! Yeah!Copy !req
36. That, the whole punching air thing,
cannot happen.Copy !req
37. Let the content begin! Yeah!Copy !req
38. Okay, everyone, Peter's last day.Copy !req
39. Big sad day, yeah?Copy !req
40. - Happy death day. You're late.
- Yeah.Copy !req
41. How's Peter doing? 'Cause we should be
extra gentle with him today.Copy !req
42. It could be quite a confronting day.Copy !req
43. Morning, my favorite people,
and how are you doing today?Copy !req
44. - Oh, uh—
- Yeah.Copy !req
45. Great. FYI, I'm expecting
a very important call around 2:00 p.m.Copy !req
46. for another franchise, so...Copy !req
47. - Which franchise?
- Uh, Saudi money.Copy !req
48. - Bryan Singer's attached.
- Oh.Copy !req
49. I'm reading for the part
of the time-traveling pharaoh,Copy !req
50. which everybody says is the best part,
so who knows?Copy !req
51. Break a leg.Copy !req
52. Bryan Singer's not a good guy.Copy !req
53. I know today is Peter's day,
and I'm sa— so sad. Boo-hoo, he's gone.Copy !req
54. But my piece is coming out later on.Copy !req
55. The fashion one,
it's like GQ "Men in Fashion."Copy !req
56. It's really cool,
it's like knitted sweaters in urban decay.Copy !req
57. Cozy but important.Copy !req
58. And my— my team actually said
that this can bring meCopy !req
59. to the next level, over the edge.Copy !req
60. I finally cusp, make the A-list.
And when I cusp,Copy !req
61. - I cusp hard, right? Bring it in.
- Really?Copy !req
62. On three, on cusp. One, two, cusp!Copy !req
63. - Cusp.
- Whoo.Copy !req
64. Yeah, see you guys. Hey, guys.Copy !req
65. - Hi.
- GQ piece drops today.Copy !req
66. Dan, Dave VFX is asking for a day off.Copy !req
67. My hands are forming
into claws from too much laptop.Copy !req
68. Bloody hell, mate.
You're turning into a VFX monster.Copy !req
69. Hey? Franken-Dave!Copy !req
70. Like the...Copy !req
71. Yeah, I might be able
to swing you a day off, yeah?Copy !req
72. - Thank you.
- All right.Copy !req
73. So, there's an Armenian
Reddit thread about the bridge.Copy !req
74. I ran it through Google Translate.
Apparently, I might be going to prison.Copy !req
75. Dag, no one's going to prison.Copy !req
76. And then I watched a doc,
Inside Armenia's Toughest Prisons,Copy !req
77. and let me tell you, pretty bloody tough.Copy !req
78. Real eye-opener. Fucking terrifying.Copy !req
79. Probably shouldn't have watched it.Copy !req
80. Check this out.
Centurios 2 emergency rewrites.Copy !req
81. One hundred writers.Copy !req
82. I don't think I've ever seen
so many satchels.Copy !req
83. Dan, Dag, can I, uh,
panic on you in private?Copy !req
84. Well, uh, Tecto is pulled. Tecto's pulled.Copy !req
85. - Sorry?
- Shane's Comic-Con speech? "Tecto pulled."Copy !req
86. - Three question marks.
- Wait, so he's just pulling it?Copy !req
87. - We're cancelled? The whole movie?
- I don't know, Dan.Copy !req
88. Yes, maybe.Copy !req
89. - Fuck me.
- Look, if this shit goes down,Copy !req
90. I am in producer jail.Copy !req
91. Literal jail for me.
Actual physical Armenian jail.Copy !req
92. At least in real jail,
you get three meals a dayCopy !req
93. - and a gym membership.
- Shankings, though.Copy !req
94. I just don't think that
you get the shankings in producer jail.Copy !req
95. Okay. Okay, we're gonna change his mind.Copy !req
96. - Oh, great. How?
- We just pitch to Shane direct, yeah?Copy !req
97. So a whole new direction.Copy !req
98. A tonal pivot,
and instead of being dark and serious,Copy !req
99. we're— we're light and fun.
Just like the original comics.Copy !req
100. - What's all this?
- Just doodlings.Copy !req
101. Theoretically,Copy !req
102. how I would make the movie if Eric were,
you know, not around and I was—Copy !req
103. - "The Kumar cut."
- The Ku—Copy !req
104. No one's calling it that. Are they?Copy !req
105. Anyway, look.Copy !req
106. We re-cut the first act using my ideas,Copy !req
107. we animate new storyboards cut to music.Copy !req
108. I think it's gonna take more
than a Kumar cut.Copy !req
109. Yeah, I know, Anita,
but it's a moon-shot, okay?Copy !req
110. Look. A hard plan to save the movie.Copy !req
111. We re-cut the first act
like it should be. Hmm?Copy !req
112. Yeah. Okay. But we do need Eric on board.Copy !req
113. Without a director,
this looks just fuckin' hokey and chaotic.Copy !req
114. All right, I'll talk to Eric.
I'll get him on board. But we're good.Copy !req
115. - Yeah, okay.
- Can you get me Dave VFX?Copy !req
116. - Smoking area.
- Smoking area. Dave?Copy !req
117. Dave! Hey!Copy !req
118. - What is it, Dan? I'm on a screen break.
- Nothing to worry about, mate, yeah.Copy !req
119. - But that time off, yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
120. It is now cancelled 'cause I do need you
to animate some new storyboards!Copy !req
121. Yeah, you got 12 hours.Copy !req
122. - Less.
- You got four hours.Copy !req
123. - More.
- You got eight hours.Copy !req
124. - Little less.
- How many hours does he have?Copy !req
125. - You've got six hours.
- Great.Copy !req
126. I believe in you, Dave.
David Payne. The Payne brain!Copy !req
127. I have pain in my brain.Copy !req
128. This dry sense of humor.Copy !req
129. All right, off you go. Six hours.Copy !req
130. Dave is a slave.Copy !req
131. But Dave's my fave slave!Copy !req
132. Well, let's not.Copy !req
133. - Okay, I'm gonna back-channel...
- No.Copy !req
134. and get us a call with Shane.Copy !req
135. Okay.Copy !req
136. So, we save the movie,
and then we focus on me,Copy !req
137. because they use buckets
in Armenian jails.Copy !req
138. They're still on the bucket system.Copy !req
139. They shit in buckets, Dan.
I'm gonna be shitting into a bucket.Copy !req
140. Rusty, shared buckets.Copy !req
141. Eric. Sir, there's something
I need to talk to you about.Copy !req
142. Finally, I lost them all.Copy !req
143. - My entire crew.
- What?Copy !req
144. Even catering. My porridge this morning?Copy !req
145. - Aggressively cold.
- Catering love you, Eric. We all do.Copy !req
146. Can we just talk about...
something... which I...Copy !req
147. - Wow.
- Lordy.Copy !req
148. That's a shoelace.Copy !req
149. Yeah, I— I hear that they use them
sometimes for seasoningCopy !req
150. instead of a bay leaf. Yeah.Copy !req
151. - Shall I?
- Thank you.Copy !req
152. Yeah.Copy !req
153. I have a funny feeling
that things are happening behind my back.Copy !req
154. What? No.Copy !req
155. No, no, no.Copy !req
156. Look, it's just been
a really tough week, yeah?Copy !req
157. Daniel, my agents want to discuss
what my career will look like post Tecto.Copy !req
158. And it's my contention
that what my career will look likeCopy !req
159. is a big pile of shit.Copy !req
160. No. No way. Eric—Copy !req
161. Daniel, this is why
I'm pushing you so hard.Copy !req
162. If Tecto fails, I have zero credit
in my bank account.Copy !req
163. And what is worse...Copy !req
164. I'm a joke.Copy !req
165. Like before.Copy !req
166. The Cheese Man of Dusseldorf.Copy !req
167. I can't go back. I would rather die.Copy !req
168. No.Copy !req
169. You are a big-time director, yeah?
It's in your bones.Copy !req
170. Everyone's 100 percent behind your movie.Copy !req
171. I'm gonna make it happen, I promise.Copy !req
172. I've got your back.Copy !req
173. Extra honey, no laces.Copy !req
174. Thank you, Dan.Copy !req
175. So, did you tell him that you're
re-cutting the film behind his back?Copy !req
176. - Not yet.
- Didn't think so.Copy !req
177. Okay folks,
let's head into the center of the earth.Copy !req
178. Enclosed set. Cozy! Like a prison.Copy !req
179. We're re-cutting the first act
using all-new storyboards,Copy !req
180. and we run this out of the DIT truck.Copy !req
181. Eric doesn't know yet.Copy !req
182. "The Kumar cut," or whatever.Copy !req
183. Got it. We're lying to Eric again.Copy !req
184. Becoming quite the habit.Copy !req
185. Excuse me, Pinocchio.Copy !req
186. Did the PA just become a real boy?Copy !req
187. - Just do it, Jaz, please. Thank you.
- Sorry. Yeah.Copy !req
188. Okay, gather round, people.Copy !req
189. A very big day,
a very somber day for Peter.Copy !req
190. For all of us.Copy !req
191. - The death of Eye.
- Finally, a piece of acting.Copy !req
192. Great big meaty death scene.Copy !req
193. Mortality. Yum!Copy !req
194. We'll be exploding Peter's head
practically, yeah?Copy !req
195. Jaz, please.Copy !req
196. There it is. There's my head.Copy !req
197. My God, look at that thing.
It's so lifelike.Copy !req
198. Peter, can I put my finger in,
have a fiddle?Copy !req
199. - Wow, real teeth?
- Of course.Copy !req
200. - Come on, let me have a hold.
- Mm, careful.Copy !req
201. Ugh! Capillaries. That is gruesome.Copy !req
202. Poor fucking wife
has to wake up next to that.Copy !req
203. So, Eye removes his helmet,Copy !req
204. and then Peter, if you would be so kind
to match the grimaceCopy !req
205. on the prosthetics,
and eyeline to the ball, please.Copy !req
206. Uh-huh.Copy !req
207. Bit more.Copy !req
208. More, more, more, more, more, more.Copy !req
209. Yeah. No, less. Less, less.Copy !req
210. No, no, much less. Less.Copy !req
211. - It's like, ah...
- No. Daniel, show him.Copy !req
212. - He cannot see it.
- Like this.Copy !req
213. It has to be very, very precise.Copy !req
214. - No, I cannot see it.
- It's like this.Copy !req
215. - Yeah. A bit more.
- Like that.Copy !req
216. Yeah. More. No, no.Copy !req
217. No, less. Less.Copy !req
218. I'm sorry.
It's just not like the dummy head.Copy !req
219. I'm a fucking actor!Copy !req
220. A trained fucking actor
from the RS fucking C!Copy !req
221. And you've got me dressed
in a fucking Japanese dressing gown,Copy !req
222. grimacing into a fucking tennis ball!Copy !req
223. Eyeline is important.Copy !req
224. This is the worst fucking
production of my entire career!Copy !req
225. And trust me,
there have been some shockers.Copy !req
226. Fat Janitor to name but one.Copy !req
227. Yeah! Wanna laugh at that?
Go ahead! Nobody else did.Copy !req
228. - I did.
- That's it, I'm done.Copy !req
229. I'm wrapped. You already scanned me.Copy !req
230. Fix it in post.Copy !req
231. That's a wrap
on Peter Fairchild, everyone.Copy !req
232. - Speech!
- Got you all wrap gifts.Copy !req
233. Jaz! Come in all different sizes.Copy !req
234. There you go.Copy !req
235. It says "Cunt" on the front.
And on the back,Copy !req
236. "This is a fair estimation of my ability
and not an in-joke among friends."Copy !req
237. - Mm, bit rude.
- What's going on?Copy !req
238. So fuck you all!Copy !req
239. Goodbye and good fucking riddance.Copy !req
240. Apologies. Reports
of a breaking security incident.Copy !req
241. Oh my God.Copy !req
242. We're being asked to shelter in place.Copy !req
243. - There's a man with a carpentry knife.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
244. What is this? Let me out.
I just wrapped myself.Copy !req
245. Sorry, are we locked in?
Am I in prison already?Copy !req
246. Oh my God!Copy !req
247. The GQ article just dropped.
Guys, check it out.Copy !req
248. Check it out. Look at that.Copy !req
249. Daniel, can you tell the crazy guyCopy !req
250. that we have five more setups
before lunch?Copy !req
251. - Dan. Check it out. Fuck.
- Okay, look, everyone. Guys.Copy !req
252. It's not...Copy !req
253. This is not our first rampage, is it?Copy !req
254. Remember Suzie? The travel coordinator?Copy !req
255. She went berserk,
set fire to the makeup tent.Copy !req
256. Just settle in.
We're gonna be out in 20 minutes.Copy !req
257. Suzie? Was she the goth one?Copy !req
258. Donna was the goth one.Copy !req
259. Speared a runner with a lighting stand.Copy !req
260. God. I wonder who the maniac is.Copy !req
261. Should we do a sweepstake, just for fun?Copy !req
262. Bryson. I bet it's Bryson.Copy !req
263. Do you know, I see that.Copy !req
264. 'Cause he's either the adorable grandson
or the last face you'll ever see.Copy !req
265. Possibly both.Copy !req
266. If it's Bryson, we're already dead.Copy !req
267. All of us. Mark my words.Copy !req
268. I need to take this off.
Can I, um, have your shirt, Dag?Copy !req
269. - Thank you.
- Does anybody have any water?Copy !req
270. The actor's thirsty from all that shouting
that you made me do.Copy !req
271. You're all terrible bastards.Copy !req
272. Approach set stage with caution.
Suspect might be armed. Over.Copy !req
273. Oh. Peter Fairchild.Copy !req
274. Ooh, Bryan. Mr. Singer, sir. Hi.Copy !req
275. Okay. Uh...Copy !req
276. What about the other part?
The clockwork butler?Copy !req
277. Understood.Copy !req
278. Jaz, get an update on my new opening.Copy !req
279. They have to follow
my notes exactly, okay?Copy !req
280. And if they need Dave VFX to work faster,Copy !req
281. just feed him a doughnut,
play techno really loud.Copy !req
282. One bucket for every 30 inmates.Copy !req
283. And I'm being told that's actually
relatively high for the region.Copy !req
284. Yeah, Armenia
is a bucket-rich environment.Copy !req
285. Dag, I'm sorry, we can't waste a whole day
worrying about you rotting in prison.Copy !req
286. Got it. I talk too much.Copy !req
287. This pretty little mouth
is gonna get me in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
288. Dan, I, uh... I back-channeled
some time with Shane.Copy !req
289. - You talk to Eric?
- Yeah, I'm working up to it.Copy !req
290. Now, Daniel. This needs to happen now.Copy !req
291. D— Da— Dan, you got to look
at the article, right?Copy !req
292. - The high fashion piece I did?
- Not yet, not yet.Copy !req
293. It's, like, really... brilliant.Copy !req
294. - Great. Excellent. I can't wait.
- But, um, just quick question.Copy !req
295. Does this sweater look too long to you?Copy !req
296. It doesn't look like a dress, right?Copy !req
297. Mm. No, it's... fine.Copy !req
298. - It's just a sweater that's long.
- Looks great.Copy !req
299. Okay, 'cause this person on Twitter saidCopy !req
300. I looked like a hospice nurse
on a dating show.Copy !req
301. I can't see that myself.Copy !req
302. Yeah.Copy !req
303. And then this other person did
one of those, like, "Who wore it best."Copy !req
304. There's a picture of me
and then Whoopi Goldberg.Copy !req
305. Mate, I think, honestly, you win.
Hands down.Copy !req
306. 'Cause Whoopi looks frumpy.Copy !req
307. Yeah, I thought so too.Copy !req
308. - And I should own it, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
309. I can do it again and get a longer oneCopy !req
310. and then higher boots with— Oh my G—Copy !req
311. Get some horse riding boots.
That would be great.Copy !req
312. - Right.
- Yeah, and I'd like Chalamet it.Copy !req
313. Yeah, yeah, that'd be Chala-mazing.Copy !req
314. - I'm not the punchline, Dan.
- No.Copy !req
315. - I'm not the butt of any joke here.
- No.Copy !req
316. I am cusping. I'm there.
I know where I'm at.Copy !req
317. - And I can taste— taste it coming.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
318. Yeah, and— and when I go
to the Oscars, you're gonna be my date.Copy !req
319. - I'm serious. Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.Copy !req
320. Tecto's gonna catapult me, right?Copy !req
321. - Yeah, yeah.
- Thanks.Copy !req
322. - I can't wait. It's gonna be great.
- Yeah.Copy !req
323. Eric, um, can we have a chat?Copy !req
324. There's a situation with the studio.Copy !req
325. Holy fuck, he's out there!Copy !req
326. The knife-wielding maniac.Copy !req
327. Oh my God, it's Dave. It's Dave VFX.
He's gone loco in the coco.Copy !req
328. Oh my Christ, I'm actually going to die.Copy !req
329. The shankings have started early.Copy !req
330. Poor Dave VFX.
What did you do to him, Daniel?Copy !req
331. Me? I asked him to do his job.Copy !req
332. What if Dave killed Bryson?Copy !req
333. What if Bryson killed Dave
and now Bryson is wearing Dave?Copy !req
334. Dave, mate. It's all right.
You're not hearing voices.Copy !req
335. And we can see you on camera. Hiya.Copy !req
336. Yeah, look, I know... I know
the biz can be tough, all right?Copy !req
337. Trust me, I do. Just...Copy !req
338. put the knife down.Copy !req
339. It's not a knife, Dan! It's a pen.Copy !req
340. I've stabbed myself with itCopy !req
341. and now it's stuck in my leg
and now I can't get it out.Copy !req
342. Okay. Uh...Copy !req
343. Well, that's both reassuring
but also obviously very distressing.Copy !req
344. Maybe try just pushing it
all the way through?Copy !req
345. - What?
- That's terrible advice.Copy !req
346. - Try. Put...
- Dan!Copy !req
347. I want something back, Dan.Copy !req
348. For all the sacrifices I've made.Copy !req
349. Okay mate, what are you asking for?
Let me help you.Copy !req
350. I want... I want you to change the title
in honor of my daughter.Copy !req
351. Instead of Tecto: Eye of the Storm,Copy !req
352. Eye of the Storm.Copy !req
353. No. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
354. Yeah. I think we're all agreed.Copy !req
355. - Uh, we'll... we'll do that.
- No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
356. Tecto.Copy !req
357. - Tecto: Eye of the Storm.
- Yes, mate. Okay? We're all agreed here.Copy !req
358. - We'll absolutely do that.
- No—Copy !req
359. Or Emily: Eye of The Emily. Any of those.Copy !req
360. No, no, no. Dave. Dave. Easy, tiger.Copy !req
361. I'm not compromising my title for anyone.Copy !req
362. I am not negotiating with you, Eric!Copy !req
363. Put Dan on. He's in charge.Copy !req
364. He's the one keeping me away from my kids
for the fucking Kumar cut!Copy !req
365. "The Kumar cut?"Copy !req
366. Daniel Kumar. Oh.Copy !req
367. It's his last...Copy !req
368. How was I supposed
to re-render the opening act in six hours?Copy !req
369. - Look, Eric...
- The Kumar cut?Copy !req
370. Eric, can I...Copy !req
371. Eric?Copy !req
372. Eric. The studio's gonna pull our movie.
I was just trying—Copy !req
373. - D... Dave? Dave?
- Eric? Eric?Copy !req
374. Dave, whatcha doing?Copy !req
375. I'm lowering the rocks! Crushing you all.Copy !req
376. - Eric, please.
- Like you crushed me!Copy !req
377. Okay, Dave, we've all just taken
one step to the sideCopy !req
378. - and now everyone's fine, so...
- Eric. Eric.Copy !req
379. The studio's gonna pull us.
We had to offer them something new.Copy !req
380. - You went behind my back.
- Yes, but only to help you.Copy !req
381. You've been sabotaging me
all along, haven't you, Dan?Copy !req
382. - The shoelace, was that you?
- N— No.Copy !req
383. - You let me veer off the rails.
- Hang on, hang on.Copy !req
384. I have sacrificed my life for your movie.Copy !req
385. I just got the pen out of my leg!Copy !req
386. Yay! Well done, Dave.Copy !req
387. I have the Golden Leopard
of Locarno, Daniel.Copy !req
388. What do you have?Copy !req
389. - I don't know. Nothing.
- You're not a director, Dan.Copy !req
390. You're just a schedule man
who sometimes does this, yeah?Copy !req
391. I saw you when you thought
I wasn't looking.Copy !req
392. Yeah, okay. I'd like to direct one day.Copy !req
393. You wouldn't know how to frame
a poster of the movie The Police Academy.Copy !req
394. Or maybe, Eric, I just had a better idea.Copy !req
395. Ah! The truth, yes.
You think you're the better guy.Copy !req
396. You think you're Mr. Bigshot, yeah?Copy !req
397. You think you're fucking Spielberg.Copy !req
398. Fucking Bong Joon-ho.Copy !req
399. You don't have my brain, Dan.Copy !req
400. No.Copy !req
401. This... This is your brain.Copy !req
402. And it's not a nice brain. Hmm?Copy !req
403. Great.Copy !req
404. You're just a bitter man
because I'm making moviesCopy !req
405. and you gave up your life
to stand there all dayCopy !req
406. and shout, "And we cut."Copy !req
407. Thank you. Great.Copy !req
408. I— I thought you were gonna punch him.Copy !req
409. What? And quit show business?Copy !req
410. Update. Dave VFX has fled the stage.Copy !req
411. We're, uh— We're, uh, cleared to leave.Copy !req
412. That's a wrap on Peter Fairchild.Copy !req
413. By the way, Adam. Whoopi wore it best.Copy !req
414. Why would you say that?Copy !req
415. I don't know how to drive!Copy !req
416. He stole the DIT truck.Copy !req
417. There goes your new opening.
We have no pitch.Copy !req
418. We're done. We're done, yeah.Copy !req
419. 'Cause by the time I get paroled,Copy !req
420. AI will have finally kicked in
and taken all the work,Copy !req
421. and we'll all be giving hand jobs
in phone booths.Copy !req
422. Only there aren't
any phone booths anymore,Copy !req
423. so we'll be doing it out in the open.Copy !req
424. Giving open-air hand jobs
for free in the metaverse.Copy !req
425. - What a life.
- Dan, you pitch it.Copy !req
426. Fuck it. We do it without Eric,
just the three of us.Copy !req
427. Come on.Copy !req
428. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
429. Maybe just change your T-shirt first.Copy !req
430. What? Oh.Copy !req
431. Okay, let's tidy. Clean up a little.Copy !req
432. - Oh my God, Dag.
- Sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
433. I'm dialing. Okay, everybody ready?Copy !req
434. No, no, I'm not ready. I'm not ready.Copy !req
435. No, no, no. You got this.
This is in your wheelhouse.Copy !req
436. This is your... your end act one
and adventure begins, yes?Copy !req
437. - Yeah.
- Great.Copy !req
438. I am connecting now.Copy !req
439. Bryson?Copy !req
440. Hey, guys. I caught a flight out
to aid Shane's recuperation.Copy !req
441. And my mom's, she's had a hysterectomy.
Your fruit plate, sir.Copy !req
442. Uh, great, Bryson.
But we actually only haveCopy !req
443. a small window with Shane,
so if you could just—Copy !req
444. Sure, Anita.
I was just giving you some color.Copy !req
445. And my mom is fine. Thanks for asking.Copy !req
446. You kick off your pitch,
I'll relay his feedback.Copy !req
447. Great, Shane, before you make a call
on the future of Tecto...Copy !req
448. Uh, as you can see, Eric's not here.Copy !req
449. But actually,
Dan has a real handle on this.Copy !req
450. So he's gonna lead.Copy !req
451. Uh, yeah, hi. Um, so Eric's not here,
but he was thinking,Copy !req
452. uh, a new tone.Copy !req
453. Uh, like in act one,Copy !req
454. don't play it for horror,
play it for wonder.Copy !req
455. So when Tecto falls into the Earth
and he... and he finds his powers,Copy !req
456. you know, he should be like...Copy !req
457. - um...
- You, uh, let me do it.Copy !req
458. "Oh my God, something's shaking."Copy !req
459. Yeah, and then he's got
his earthquake powers.Copy !req
460. Targeted reshoots, tandem unit,
not expensive at all.Copy !req
461. Yeah, and then into act two,
The Invisible Jackhammer.Copy !req
462. I think it can work, we just
have to be more playful with it.Copy !req
463. - So it's, you know, hammer time.
- "It's hammer time!"Copy !req
464. You know, yeah.
We're gonna redo the score,Copy !req
465. because a new score changes everything.Copy !req
466. Oh. Yes, like that.
But, uh, faster. And more exciting.Copy !req
467. Also, just completely better.Copy !req
468. And the composer is on an overall deal,
so no additional funds needed.Copy !req
469. We're gonna re-cut act three.Copy !req
470. Gotta strip away the subtext.Copy !req
471. We've gotta keep it simple.
It's a buddy movie in space.Copy !req
472. It's like nine days of re-shoots, max.
We can bring this home for 300K.Copy !req
473. - Is that all?
- Look, I...Copy !req
474. I am really into this. I am.Copy !req
475. Tecto can be a new beginning.Copy !req
476. Restore this franchise to what it was.Copy !req
477. Uh, Shane's trying to speak.Copy !req
478. Oh, he's... he's writing
something down. Hold, please.Copy !req
479. Uh, he's saying... he's saying...Copy !req
480. he'd like some orange juice.
With or without pulp, sir?Copy !req
481. Show's over, guys.Copy !req
482. Uh, Dan, Pat's asking everyone
to gather on the apron.Copy !req
483. Big announcement. Sounds serious.Copy !req
484. Absolutely.Copy !req
485. Time for the firing squad.Copy !req
486. Dan. Dan, what are these rumors?Copy !req
487. What— What— What's going on?
What are— Are we being pulled?Copy !req
488. - Is Tecto being pulled?
- Honestly mate, I don't know.Copy !req
489. Don't— Just tell me the truth.Copy !req
490. - I d...
- Am I done?Copy !req
491. Is this— I'm done.
As an actor, I'm just done?Copy !req
492. Hi, guys. Anita, we all here?Copy !req
493. - Yeah. All met.
- Yeah?Copy !req
494. Okay.Copy !req
495. Um, hello.Copy !req
496. Uh, friends, women, craftspeople.Copy !req
497. Due to circumstances
elsewhere in the universe,Copy !req
498. uh, this year at Comic-Con,
I will be announcingCopy !req
499. that Tecto is to be pulled... Jesus.Copy !req
500. Excuse me.Copy !req
501. It's like parsley or something. Um,Copy !req
502. that Tecto is to be pulled forward
to a summer tentpole release.Copy !req
503. An unfortunate incident on Centurios 2
has suspended production indefinitely.Copy !req
504. Oh my God.Copy !req
505. Many Man. A pervert.Copy !req
506. - What is happening?
- No idea, Dag.Copy !req
507. So we're promoting you
to summer tentpole!Copy !req
508. Uh-huh! Tecto has been chosen!Copy !req
509. So congratulations to the man
who made it all happen.Copy !req
510. The genius!
Our director, maestro Bouchard.Copy !req
511. - Let's fuck!
- Oh-ho-ho! Wow.Copy !req
512. Congrats also to the new face
of our summer tentpole,Copy !req
513. Adam Randolph.Copy !req
514. It's me! Oh God, it's happening!
It's happening! Oh, fuck yeah!Copy !req
515. Fuck yeah! I'm cusping so hard!Copy !req
516. Also, to Mr. Peter Fairchild,Copy !req
517. who has agreed to open up discussions
possibly for a contract extension, huh?Copy !req
518. I love you all.
You're the greatest crew ever.Copy !req
519. Class. All class, huh.Copy !req
520. And, uh, to all the actors,
the, uh, the— the— the woman oneCopy !req
521. whose name I'm totally
blanking on right now.Copy !req
522. - Quinn.
- Finally,Copy !req
523. there are people in the shadows
who never get their names up in lights.Copy !req
524. And we all know how important
and brilliant they are.Copy !req
525. Yeah. Looking at you, Daniel.Copy !req
526. - Oh. Well...
- Yeah.Copy !req
527. I'm looking at you
because I can't remember the nameCopy !req
528. of our production accountant.Copy !req
529. - Lydia.
- Linda!Copy !req
530. Lydia! Linda! Whatevs.Copy !req
531. - Okay.
- Eat, drink, but do not be merry,Copy !req
532. and instead return to your place of work.Copy !req
533. We're tripling your budget.
What else? We're halving your schedule.Copy !req
534. The squeeze starts now!Copy !req
535. Thank you. All right.Copy !req
536. Come on, Tecto team!Copy !req
537. Tecto team! Let's— Tecto! Tecto crew!Copy !req
538. What the hell!Copy !req
539. - Oh my God.
- Whoo!Copy !req
540. Amazing how the universe works, isn't it?Copy !req
541. Well, congratulations.Copy !req
542. It was between you and Toxic Man 2
over who got bumped up to tentpole.Copy !req
543. Guess your little call finally swung it.Copy !req
544. Well, "In Shane we trust," right?Copy !req
545. So I guess that means I've, uh,
got a director who's wrongCopy !req
546. for the new vision, right?Copy !req
547. Let's see what the man says.Copy !req
548. Shane. Hey, it's me.Copy !req
549. Dag?Copy !req
550. From legal. It's good news.
No one's going to prison.Copy !req
551. - Oh my God, really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
552. Well, so— someone is going
to prison, but it's, uh...Copy !req
553. it's the demolition guy.Copy !req
554. - Aw.
- Tiny Pat, yeah.Copy !req
555. Eight years.Copy !req
556. Poor little guy.Copy !req
557. Horrible. Maybe I should
send him a gift of some kind.Copy !req
558. A muffin basket.Copy !req
559. Or a bucket. A muffin bucket?Copy !req
560. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
561. So, it seems you've saved my movie.Copy !req
562. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just glad to...Copy !req
563. Unfortunately, the trust
is irrevocably broken.Copy !req
564. I can forgive, but I cannot forget.Copy !req
565. I cannot continue
working with you, Daniel.Copy !req
566. I wish you the very best.Copy !req
567. Oh.Copy !req
568. Yorgos?Copy !req
569. Dan, I am so sorry.Copy !req
570. Nah. Yeah, well.Copy !req
571. All right, well, I'm going to go home, uh,Copy !req
572. have a lager in the shower maybe.Copy !req
573. And raise my son. Not at the same time.Copy !req
574. Good luck.Copy !req
575. It's gonna be great.
You're gonna be great.Copy !req
576. Say goodbye to Anita from me.Copy !req
577. Yeah.Copy !req
578. Hey, mate. Yeah, now.Copy !req
579. I'm gonna be home
in time for, uh, the match.Copy !req
580. Yeah.Copy !req
581. So, listen, shall I get some ice cream?Copy !req
582. All right mate, yeah.
I'll see you in half an hour.Copy !req
583. All right, bye.Copy !req
584. Hey.Copy !req
585. What, are you clocking out early?Copy !req
586. - Pat, um, I've been fired.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
587. Shane just called.Copy !req
588. He was pretty taken
with your little pitch.Copy !req
589. Oh.Copy !req
590. Well, Pat, I've gotta get home.Copy !req
591. Um, Eric hates me.Copy !req
592. Who, the maestro? Sure.
We'll see how that plays out.Copy !req
593. Either way, we'll make something work.Copy !req
594. I'll tell you something, Dan.
Uh, every once in a while, not often,Copy !req
595. you get to ask for exactly what you want.Copy !req
596. Now, my boss, the God of the Universe,Copy !req
597. wants for you to get out of your car.Copy !req
598. So what's it gonna take?Copy !req
599. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
600. - Mr. Pat Shannon!
- Whoo! Whoo! Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
601. Yeah! Yeah! San Diego, yeah!Copy !req
602. Ha-ha!Copy !req
603. I got phases! I got lots of phases!Copy !req
604. I'm gonna tell you all about phases.Copy !req
605. Yeah! Get up!Copy !req
606. Get up! Get up! Get up!Copy !req
607. Yeah!Copy !req
608. Stories! Stories!Copy !req
609. Give it up for the writers!
We got the best writers!Copy !req
610. We got J.F. Brisenden!Copy !req
611. Sky Caesar! Jake Green!
What's up, Ky Brasey?Copy !req
612. I got the Cobra, Garrett Leathey! What?Copy !req
613. We sure do have Steve Griffiths!Copy !req
614. My favorite, Dara Thomas!Copy !req
615. That's a girl's name, and he's a guy!Copy !req
616. Oh. Oh God. All right.
I've got phases to announce,Copy !req
617. but, you know, I gotta do it
or it's gonna kill me, right?Copy !req
618. It's gonna kill me!Copy !req