1. bed, twerp!Copy !req
2. wands and wings!Copy !req
3. Floaty, crowny things!Copy !req
4. Yeah, right.Copy !req
5. Captioning made possible by
U.S. department of educationCopy !req
6. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
7. I'm teetering.Copy !req
8. And I'm tottering.Copy !req
9. You should be hiding!Copy !req
10. It's march 15!Copy !req
11. It's march 15.Copy !req
12. This is not a drill.Copy !req
13. Aah! March 15!Copy !req
14. Duck and cover!Copy !req
15. March 15!Copy !req
16. Aah!Copy !req
17. March 15!Copy !req
18. What's up with march 15?Copy !req
19. Is it "be kind
to squirrels day"?Copy !req
20. No!Copy !req
21. Every kid knows
that march 15 is the dayCopy !req
22. that Mr. Crocker
is at his meanest.Copy !req
23. And according
to my genetic
tracking device,Copy !req
24. he's getting closer.Copy !req
25. Uh! Everyone,
run to the safe bosomCopy !req
26. of the United States
educational system!Copy !req
27. I'm not moving
until I get my nuts.Copy !req
28. Ah! Or until I
can feel my legs.Copy !req
29. I hate march 15.Copy !req
30. There's no telling
what Crocker will do.Copy !req
31. Heads down!Copy !req
32. And you,
Mr. I-know-everything,Copy !req
33. if a tree
falls in the forestCopy !req
34. and no one
is around to hear it,Copy !req
35. does it make a sound?Copy !req
36. Does it?Copy !req
37. Yes. I mean, no.Copy !req
38. I mean...
I don't know!Copy !req
39. Aah!Copy !req
40. Hello, Turner.Copy !req
41. Mr. Crocker!
What—what—Copy !req
42. what are you
going to do to me?Copy !req
43. I don't know, Turner.Copy !req
44. You're not
smart enough to baffle
with a rhetorical question,Copy !req
45. and your teeth
are not bad enough
for a magnet.Copy !req
46. Hmm.Copy !req
47. Ha! I've got it!Copy !req
48. Yah!Copy !req
49. Aah!Copy !req
50. Aah! Yah!Copy !req
51. I've never seen Crocker
use rabid dogs before.Copy !req
52. He's really thinking
out of the box
this time.Copy !req
53. Why are you
punishing us
like this?Copy !req
54. Why?Copy !req
55. Let me answer
your question
with a few of my own.Copy !req
56. Why am I still
a miserable schoolteacher?Copy !req
57. Or, why doesn't
my tracking device
ever find meCopy !req
58. a fairy godparent?Copy !req
59. Well, you
use an eggbeaterCopy !req
60. instead of
a DNA sampler,
and—Copy !req
61. silence!Copy !req
62. What is the sound
of one hand clapping?Copy !req
63. I can't answer that,
either.Copy !req
64. Why don't
any of the things
I wish forCopy !req
65. ever become reality?Copy !req
66. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
67. It happens every year.Copy !req
68. I'm sick of Crocker
making us all miserable.Copy !req
69. I wonder what
happened to him
that made him this way.Copy !req
70. I don't know,
but I'm going to find out—Copy !req
71. but I've got
to get away from these dogs.Copy !req
72. Look, you guys, squirrels.Copy !req
73. Aah!Copy !req
74. This is the worst
"be kind to squirrels
day" ever.Copy !req
75. Aah! Nice doggy!Copy !req
76. Off to Crocker's house.Copy !req
77. Eee! I've
only got one of those,
you know.Copy !req
78. Aah!Copy !req
79. According to
a.J.'S Crocker tracker,Copy !req
80. this is Crocker's house.Copy !req
81. Out of my way!Copy !req
82. And here he comes.Copy !req
83. Gaaa!Copy !req
84. Come on, let's
get a better look.Copy !req
85. Stupid, two-bit room.
Stupid, two-bit Van.Copy !req
86. Stupid, two-bit life.Copy !req
87. Denzel,
would you likeCopy !req
88. some stupid,
two-bit dessert?Copy !req
89. I made your stupid,
two-bit favorite.Copy !req
90. Happy march 15.Copy !req
91. Mother, what's the matter
with you?Copy !req
92. I was only trying
to cheer you up.Copy !req
93. What happened
to the perky little
ball of sunshineCopy !req
94. that used
to be my son?Copy !req
95. That child
doesn't exist.Copy !req
96. I can't even
remember a time
when I was happy.Copy !req
97. Gaaa!Copy !req
98. You know what's weird?Copy !req
99. I'm a hummingbird,
but I'm doing much more
sucking than humming.Copy !req
100. Timmy?
What's the matter?Copy !req
101. Crocker's so angry
and unhappy,Copy !req
102. and his mom said
he wasn't always like this.Copy !req
103. Aah! Uh!Copy !req
104. And if we
went back in timeCopy !req
105. to find out what
made Crocker miserable,Copy !req
106. we could change it
so it never happened.Copy !req
107. But you'd be helping
your worst enemy.Copy !req
108. Yeah, but if
I change things
for the better,Copy !req
109. he won't be
my worst enemy
anymore,Copy !req
110. and he'll stop
torturing
all the kids.Copy !req
111. I wish I had
my magical time scooter!Copy !req
112. And with the Crocker tracker,Copy !req
113. we'll be able
to track Crocker downCopy !req
114. no matter
what time period we're in.Copy !req
115. Wow! My house,
10 years ago.Copy !req
116. And look,
it's your parents,Copy !req
117. and you're still
in your mommy's tummy.Copy !req
118. I thought she
loved Timmy.Copy !req
119. Why did she
eat him?Copy !req
120. Honey, this house
is finally ours.Copy !req
121. It's the perfect home
for a young coupleCopy !req
122. who can't wait
for the birth
of their new daughter.Copy !req
123. Yeah-h-h.Copy !req
124. And look at all this
cool daughter stuff
I bought.Copy !req
125. I'd be crushed
if we had a son.Copy !req
126. Well, that explains
the pink hat.Copy !req
127. And all these
baby pictures
of you in dresses.Copy !req
128. Well, we won't
be needing this
anymore.Copy !req
129. Honey!Copy !req
130. This looks like
a swell house.Copy !req
131. It's bigger and nicer
than the one next door,Copy !req
132. and I'll bet
it costs less.Copy !req
133. Hi, neighbor!Copy !req
134. I hope they
don't have a boy.Copy !req
135. Dinkleberg.Copy !req
136. Ok, now all
we've got to do
is find Crocker.Copy !req
137. Out of my way!Copy !req
138. That was easy.Copy !req
139. Quick, switch
to super-secret spy helmet.Copy !req
140. Mustn't be late
for my first day
at my new teaching job,Copy !req
141. because where there's a school,
there are kids,Copy !req
142. and where there are kids
there are bound to be...Copy !req
143. Fairy godparents!Copy !req
144. Mr. Crocker,
what have you done?Copy !req
145. Approximately
$1,800 worth
of damage,Copy !req
146. but fear not,
Geraldine.
I can fix it.Copy !req
147. I'm your boss now.
Call me miss waxelplax.Copy !req
148. And how do you
propose to fix my car?Copy !req
149. Once I capture
a fairy godparent,Copy !req
150. I'll wish your car
back to normal.Copy !req
151. Fairies!Copy !req
152. Wow.Copy !req
153. Even 10 years ago,Copy !req
154. Crocker's still miserable
and fairy-obsessed.Copy !req
155. We have to go
back in time further.Copy !req
156. To the eighties!Copy !req
157. Wow. We're
at dimmsdale university
in the eighties.Copy !req
158. This must be where
Crocker went to college.Copy !req
159. This whole decade
is a fashion disaster.Copy !req
160. I'm gonna stick out
like a sore thumb.Copy !req
161. There
you go.Copy !req
162. Now you're
practically
invisible.Copy !req
163. And funky fresh!Copy !req
164. Come on, kiddie,
let's break dance.Copy !req
165. Gnarly!Copy !req
166. Denzel,Copy !req
167. the whole university
is abuzz with big news.Copy !req
168. Ah, Geraldine.Copy !req
169. I'm glad you're here
to see this.Copy !req
170. After spending
4 years in college
on my research,Copy !req
171. I'm finally ready
to share my discovery
with the world.Copy !req
172. Big news today?Copy !req
173. Big news means big messes.Copy !req
174. Wow. She's a maniac,
that's for sure.Copy !req
175. Oh, let's sit here,
Sheldon.Copy !req
176. I can't wait to hear
the big news.Copy !req
177. Grrr, dinkleberg.Copy !req
178. This Crocker kid
says his discoveryCopy !req
179. is going
to change the world.Copy !req
180. I can't wait
to give him fundingCopy !req
181. for his research.Copy !req
182. Whatever
you're paying,Copy !req
183. the government
will double it.Copy !req
184. What a scoop.Copy !req
185. I'm phoning this in
on my brand-spanking-new
1980s cellular phone.Copy !req
186. Cell phone radiation
so not a threat to my health.Copy !req
187. Students, faculty,Copy !req
188. esteemed guests
with big, fat government checks,Copy !req
189. how would you like it
if every time
you wanted something,Copy !req
190. it magically appeared?Copy !req
191. Yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
192. "How is this possible?"
You might ask.Copy !req
193. Why, with the help
of fairy godparents.Copy !req
194. Yes, through many years
of research,Copy !req
195. I have very nearly
discovered actual proofCopy !req
196. that fairy godparents
float among us!Copy !req
197. These fairies
are assigned to a childCopy !req
198. and Grant their every wish.Copy !req
199. I say we place
painful monitor collars
on every child in AmericaCopy !req
200. so we can capture their fairiesCopy !req
201. so that we control the magic.Copy !req
202. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
203. Well, what are you
waiting for?Copy !req
204. I'll take my money,
accolades, fame,
and great life now.Copy !req
205. Oh, Denzel, no.Copy !req
206. I'm in love
with a psychotic moron!Copy !req
207. Why are you laughing?
Stop laughing!Copy !req
208. I'm not giving
the money to him.Copy !req
209. He promised to blind us
with science.Copy !req
210. I know,
I'm going to invest itCopy !req
211. in something timeless
and worthwhile,Copy !req
212. like his
parachute pants.Copy !req
213. Look at those pockets.Copy !req
214. Who knows what
could be in them?Copy !req
215. I'm in.Copy !req
216. And I'm rich.Copy !req
217. And we're through.Copy !req
218. Not to take advantage
of you on the rebound,Copy !req
219. but may I
mop up your tears?Copy !req
220. Bleh!Copy !req
221. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
222. Stop it!
Stop laughing at me!Copy !req
223. Oh, this is the second-worst day
of my life.Copy !req
224. Second-worst?Copy !req
225. Then his worst day
has already happened.Copy !req
226. Guys, we've
got to go back...Copy !req
227. To Crocker's childhood.Copy !req
228. Here you are,
sport.Copy !req
229. Dimmsdale,
march 14, 1972:Copy !req
230. Crocker's childhood.Copy !req
231. But I'm gonna
need seventies clothes
if I'm gonna blend in.Copy !req
232. Now all we've got to do
is find the miserable little kidCopy !req
233. that will grow up to be
the miserable Denzel Crocker.Copy !req
234. Ooh, ooh,
I know where he is.Copy !req
235. Hey, it's my school
in the seventies.Copy !req
236. And there's
Crocker.Copy !req
237. You were right,
cosmo.Copy !req
238. You were right?Copy !req
239. Wow, one in a row.
It's a new record.Copy !req
240. Hmm.Copy !req
241. There is something
familiar about him.Copy !req
242. I just can't
put my wand on it.Copy !req
243. Look over there!Copy !req
244. It's my mom
as a kid.Copy !req
245. Push me higher,
Sheldon, higher.Copy !req
246. Ok.Copy !req
247. Grrr, dinkleberg.Copy !req
248. Look out, dad!Copy !req
249. My name's
not dad, it's—Copy !req
250. Whaaa!Copy !req
251. Take my hand
if you want to live.Copy !req
252. Ooh, Denzel Crocker—Copy !req
253. he's groovy
and so heroic.Copy !req
254. Thanks,
Denzel Crocker.Copy !req
255. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go stare angrily
at dinkleberg.Copy !req
256. Let me help you
with that.Copy !req
257. Hello, dimmsdale.
I'm nanette ubetcha,Copy !req
258. reporting live
from dimmsdale elementary,Copy !req
259. with 10-year-old
Denzel Crocker,Copy !req
260. where he just
saved the lifeCopy !req
261. of yet another
lucky citizen
of dimmsdale.Copy !req
262. It's all
in a day's work, ma'am.Copy !req
263. Wait. I'm learning
that the mayorCopy !req
264. is declaring tomorrow,
march 15,
"Denzel Crocker day."Copy !req
265. I can't wait
to tell my mom.Copy !req
266. Come on,
we've got to follow him.Copy !req
267. Mother!Copy !req
268. I have great news.Copy !req
269. Not now, Denzel.Copy !req
270. Mommy has to run
to her second jobCopy !req
271. at the 8-track tape company.Copy !req
272. It's the music
delivery system
of the future.Copy !req
273. Yup, and guess
what that means.Copy !req
274. Oh, no. It's Vic,
the babysitter.Copy !req
275. H-h-hi, Vic. I'm—Copy !req
276. going to bed!Copy !req
277. Wait a minute.
10-year-old kid,
inattentive parent,Copy !req
278. evil babysitter,Copy !req
279. pink-and-green
parrots,
and soapbox cars?Copy !req
280. Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
281. Denzel Crocker
must have
fairy godparents!Copy !req
282. If I ever do that
again, hit me.Copy !req
283. Not now!Copy !req
284. Gaaa!Copy !req
285. My life
is so miserable,Copy !req
286. I don't know how
I'd be able
to Bear itCopy !req
287. if it weren't
for you two...Copy !req
288. Cosmo and Wanda.Copy !req
289. Hey, who's
that gorgeous hunk
of fairy?Copy !req
290. What the—
come here.Copy !req
291. Aah!Copy !req
292. What are you guys
doing being
Mr. Crocker's fairiesCopy !req
293. 30 years ago?Copy !req
294. I don't know.Copy !req
295. I don't remember
being Mr. Crocker's
fairy.Copy !req
296. Neither do I,
and I'm the smart one.Copy !req
297. I don't understand how he
could have fairy godparents.Copy !req
298. Uh! Uh!Copy !req
299. Thanks for not using the oar.Copy !req
300. I don't get it
either, Timmy.Copy !req
301. All I remember
is that march 15, 1972,Copy !req
302. is the worst day ever.Copy !req
303. And tomorrow's
march 15.Copy !req
304. If you guys
don't remember
being his fairies,Copy !req
305. then Crocker
must have done something
to lose you forever.Copy !req
306. Oh, Timmy,
that's ridiculous.Copy !req
307. All fairies
are masters of disguise.Copy !req
308. Yeah! I know I'd
never do anything
to give myself away.Copy !req
309. Hi, ice cream man.
Hi, group of children.Copy !req
310. Hi, birdie.
I can fly, too,
because I'm a fairy.Copy !req
311. Wheee!Copy !req
312. Get in here,
you idiot.Copy !req
313. I wonder who
blew his secret.Copy !req
314. Mama Crocker: Good-bye, Denzel.
Have a nice day.Copy !req
315. Wake up, you guys.
They're mobilizing.Copy !req
316. Bye, mother.Copy !req
317. Will I see you
at the "Denzel Crocker day"
ceremony?Copy !req
318. Oh, I can't, Denzel.
It's Wednesday.Copy !req
319. Wednesday's the day
mommy cleans the lockers
at the roller disco.Copy !req
320. My rhinestone pantsuit
and your funky
bell-bottom pantsCopy !req
321. don't buy themselves,
you know.Copy !req
322. Bye, honey.Copy !req
323. Yaaa! Here he comes.Copy !req
324. Oh, hello there,
stranger.Copy !req
325. Groovy green-and-pink
animals.Copy !req
326. Thanks. Righteous
green-and-pink parrots.Copy !req
327. To city hall!Copy !req
328. We've got
to follow him.Copy !req
329. He's going
to the parade.Copy !req
330. Fellow citizens,Copy !req
331. we are gathered here
on this beautiful march 15Copy !req
332. to honor the most helpful,
least selfish, grooviest,Copy !req
333. and most far-out kid
in dimmsdale,Copy !req
334. Denzel Crocker.Copy !req
335. Whoo-hoo!
- Speech! Speech!Copy !req
336. Oh, I couldn't.Copy !req
337. Now I could.Copy !req
338. I'm so proud.
These are the daysCopy !req
339. we'll remember
30 years from now.Copy !req
340. Like, I'll get some granola
to celebrate.Copy !req
341. Don't do anything stupid
while I'm gone.Copy !req
342. Must resist
stupidity impulse.Copy !req
343. Fellow citizens,Copy !req
344. I was born in a log cabin
10 years ago.Copy !req
345. Timmy,
this is it.Copy !req
346. It happens here,
in front of all
these people?Copy !req
347. Yes. It's all
coming back to her now.Copy !req
348. Wanda, kill the power.Copy !req
349. I have to get Denzel
away from that microphone.Copy !req
350. What do I do?Copy !req
351. Don't do anything stupid.Copy !req
352. Must resist
stupidity impulse.Copy !req
353. Not resisting well.Copy !req
354. Then I was 4.
Oh, how I
wanted a pony.Copy !req
355. Pony?Copy !req
356. Who wants a pony
when you can
have everything you want,Copy !req
357. because I—Copy !req
358. No-o-o!Copy !req
359. Hey, is this thing on?Copy !req
360. You again.
Who are you,Copy !req
361. and how do you
keep finding me?Copy !req
362. With this genetic
tracking device.Copy !req
363. It can find anyone
anywhere.Copy !req
364. Wow! That's astounding.Copy !req
365. But it
doesn't matter.Copy !req
366. You have to go home.Copy !req
367. Your secret
is in great danger.Copy !req
368. Trust me.Copy !req
369. I'm from the future.
I know what happens
today.Copy !req
370. Resist urge to be dumb.Copy !req
371. Hey, what's this do?Copy !req
372. If you're not careful,
this will be the dayCopy !req
373. when everybody
realizes that you
have fairy godparents.Copy !req
374. Fairy godparents.Copy !req
375. Fairy godparents.Copy !req
376. A fairy?
That's absurd.Copy !req
377. If I was a fairy,
I'd look like this.Copy !req
378. Oh, he's got a fairy.Copy !req
379. I don't believe it—
a fairy.Copy !req
380. No! Do you realize
what you've done? Do you?Copy !req
381. No. I'm sorry.Copy !req
382. This is exactly what
I was trying to prevent.Copy !req
383. Deep voice: Denzel Crocker...Copy !req
384. You have
revealed your secret.Copy !req
385. No. It was a mistake.Copy !req
386. I wish we were hidden.Copy !req
387. What?
That pink-headed kid
has fairies, too?Copy !req
388. You will now lose
your fairy godparents.Copy !req
389. What? What are you
going to do?Copy !req
390. From this day forth,
you will forget you
ever had a fairy.Copy !req
391. Everyone in town
will forget all the wonderful,
amazing thingsCopy !req
392. you have done for them
by using your fairies,Copy !req
393. and no magic on earth
can ever change it.Copy !req
394. Um, what's this thing do?Copy !req
395. Who are you?Copy !req
396. What's this thing do?Copy !req
397. Waaaa!
- Who's that kid?Copy !req
398. Hey, if this thing
can track my genetics...Copy !req
399. Laaaa...Copy !req
400. Ow! Who did that?Copy !req
401. Laaaa...Copy !req
402. Then I can use this
to track anything,Copy !req
403. even my fairy!Copy !req
404. Fairy godparents exist!Copy !req
405. Laaaa!Copy !req
406. Ooh!Copy !req
407. My fairy!Copy !req
408. Even a fairy—Copy !req
409. gaaa!Copy !req
410. Are there even fairies?Copy !req
411. Gaaa! Gaaa! Gaaa!Copy !req
412. Gaaa!Copy !req
413. Uh, I forget.
What are we doing here?Copy !req
414. I don't know...Copy !req
415. But it must have something
to do with that Crocker kid.Copy !req
416. Well, we're not
celebrating anything,Copy !req
417. so we must be
an angry mob!Copy !req
418. Aah!Copy !req
419. Well, that didn't
work out the way I'd hoped.Copy !req
420. Yeah, but look at it
this way—Copy !req
421. at least
now you know
why he's miserable.Copy !req
422. That's not good enough.
Come on.Copy !req
423. We should go back
to march 14Copy !req
424. and stop this
from happening.Copy !req
425. A-bup-bup.Copy !req
426. Absolutely not.Copy !req
427. Your meddling
in this era
is finished.Copy !req
428. After speaking
with my funky
seventies counterpart,Copy !req
429. we have decided
that you are forbidden
from ever returningCopy !req
430. to march of 1972.Copy !req
431. However, you
may feel free
to muck aroundCopy !req
432. with every
other month
of this year,Copy !req
433. as long as you
don't interfereCopy !req
434. with the election
of president
mcgovern.Copy !req
435. Now begone!Copy !req
436. Disco?Copy !req
437. With myself?Copy !req
438. Outrageous!
- Outrageous!Copy !req
439. Uh, whew.Copy !req
440. Huh? What's this?Copy !req
441. Something's going on here,
but I don't know what.Copy !req
442. "Fairy godparents exist!"Copy !req
443. Fairies do exist!Copy !req
444. Fairies!Copy !req
445. Happy march 15.Copy !req
446. Look on the bright side.Copy !req
447. At least you
helped give him
a swell, lifelong hobby.Copy !req
448. Shh.Copy !req
449. What was that?Copy !req
450. This device
says there
are fairies about.Copy !req
451. Where are you,
fairies?Copy !req
452. Where are you?Copy !req
453. Oh, no!
The tracker!Copy !req
454. I left it in the past,
and he has it now.Copy !req
455. Fairy godparents!Copy !req
456. I know fairies exist,Copy !req
457. and someday,
I'm gonna catch one.Copy !req
458. They can't hide
from me forever.Copy !req
459. Aah!Copy !req
460. Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
461. Fairies!Copy !req
462. Captioning made possible by
U.S. department of educationCopy !req
463. captioned by the national
captioning institute
—www.Ncicap.Org—Copy !req