The Eric Andre Show 4x9

Directed by

Dennis Rodman as Self • Haley Joel Osment as Self • David Alan Grier as Self • Alan Thicke as Self

Basketball player Dennis Rodman and actor Haley Joel Osment are interviewed.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"!

2. Aah!

3. Sprite.

4. Huh.

5. How do I get out of here?

6. Do a monologue, man.

7. Hey!

8. Eh, whatever.

9. How do I get out of here?

10. Great party, isn't it?

11. Help!

12. Help!

13. Help! Help!

14. Help!

15. Help! Help!

16. Arf! Help!

17. Hey, shut up with that Burning Man shit.

18. Buzz me, Melo. Oh, it's Djimon Hounsou.

19. Energy pizza!

20. You're not buying my nugs right now, dude.

21. I just got on a fight on the TSA line.

22. Full disclosure — I shot the Pope in the '80s.

23. He bit my nugs.

24. All right, man.

25. Mm.

26. It's my dad.

27. What's up, Dad?

28. I haven't seen you since the "Cool Running" table read.

29. Buzz me.

30. Got to hit this ranch, dude.

31. It's the last of my nugs.

32. Dude, I'm tearing up. I just finished Dr. Seuss,

33. "The Lions, Witch and the Wardrobe."

34. Didn't know I was a warlock,

35. and I have one of those chips

36. that they implant in dogs to find them.

37. Doctor straight removed it, dude.

38. Said I didn't need it anymore.

39. Buzz me, dude.

40. - I don't want to. - Are you sponsored?

41. Aaah!

42. Kids, if you find cocaine

43. in your parents' dresser or drawer at home,

44. snort as much as possible.

45. It cannot hurt you.

46. Or lace your blunt with it.

47. Either way, you're gonna have a good time.

48. It's fun, and it's safe.

49. Haley Joel Osment, everybody.

50. Hey.

51. He got some pomp and circumstance.

52. - You look fantastic. - Thank you. So do you.

53. - That was a brisk walk. - That was a brisk-ass walk.

54. You're athletic.

55. That was the fastest guest from curtain to couch.

56. You're a comet. You're a shooting star.

57. You're in the one M. Night Shayamalan movie

58. that wasn't a stinking pile of shit.

59. Yes!

60. I just want to lay some ground rules, okay?

61. - Okay. - First off...

62. No rules. Okay?

63. I don't ask the fluff questions here.

64. - All right. - Oh, and rules?

65. are out the window.

66. I break the rules, too.

67. All the rules.

68. Foul!

69. Oh, my God.

70. That's the kind of interview you signed up for.

71. Okay, now, we got a clip of your new movie.

72. Can we set that up?

73. Oh.

74. Now, you tweeted out,

75. "Not only am I not a Scientologist,

76. but I challenge their shit-bag legal team

77. to come at me guns blazing."

78. I don't remember saying that.

79. Hannibal agrees, but I —

80. I stayed — I stayed out of that one.

81. I-I would never, never have anything —

82. All right, it's time to play "Forced to Orgasm."

83. It's your turn to orgasm, brother.

84. Time to do it.

85. - You better do it. - Pass.

86. Shit.

87. Where's that falcon?

88. Park ranger, you okay?

89. The bird that flies...

90. Uh-huh.

91. It flew, and it bit me.

92. I have to give this speech,

93. or they're gonna shut the parks down.

94. Bird pick you in the head?

95. I got to give this park speech.

96. Yeah, but you're bleeding on the side of your head.

97. Oh, God. I'm urinating blood.

98. I'm not cut out for this park stuff.

99. Hi. You got to give my park speech.

100. - Don't get — - You got to give my park speech.

101. You guys have to help me give this speech.

102. I'm not giving a speech. What are you talking about?

103. - We can't do that. - You have to help me give —

104. We're not giving a speech.

105. You know Jared from Subway?

106. He got in trouble for being a pervert.

107. I was doing P.R. for Subway, and Jared was my idea.

108. They're making the bread out of yoga mat material.

109. Right.

110. I used to say, "Make no namastake about it.

111. These sandwiches are delicious."

112. Well, you need some medical attention.

113. Come on out!

114. Bring somebody out. I don't know.

115. - What's up, brother? - What's up, my man?

116. What are you up to, man?

117. Oh, man. I'm just floating with the wind right now, brother.

118. You know, I'm trying to hang low.

119. Who's your big fashion influence —

120. Toucan Sam from Froot Loops?

121. - Yeah. Look at you.

122. This guy's got a TV show, right? This guy's got a TV show.

123. He writes his own jokes, right?

124. Aah.

125. Oh, man.

126. Man.

127. That shit is weird, man.

128. Hmm.

129. Hey. I am burning up up here, man.

130. All right. There's 23 words in the sentence you just said,

131. and we're on the 23rd day of the month,

132. and there's 23 pyramids in the Gaza Strip,

133. so it's like the Trilateral Commission

134. is all connected to the African Diaspora.

135. Man, shut up with that bullshit, man.

136. I'll tell you what, man.

137. For a minute, I thought you was Cruise.

138. I thought you meant Tom —

139. You wouldn't even recognize this shit. Really?

140. You know? You would have to fill out an application.

141. "What you gonna do, brother,

142. when the wild man get on you?"

143. What in the goddamn hell are you talking about?

144. Whoo.

145. Now, you got in a lot of trouble with the Kim Jong Un thing.

146. I don't want to talk about that.

147. That's a touchy — I don't want to talk about that.

148. It's over and done. That's it.

149. That's one thing I won't talk about.

150. Anything else, I'll talk about,

151. but that's one thing I won't talk about.

152. Did he show you, like, prison camps and shit?

153. No, dude. He just showed me his father.

154. His father and his grandfather.

155. They've been frozen forever in his warehouse.

156. And I'm thinking — I told Hannibal,

157. "Why can't there be an East Korea?"

158. It's like, "East Side!"

159. I don't know if they got one.

160. No, they don't. They need one, though.

161. I don't know they got a north, either.

162. - What? - Guys, you know —

163. You ever had sex with somebody that's asleep?

164. Oh, yep.

165. Wow.

166. Would you ever kiss a dead girl?

167. Yeah, you know. One of my friends died.

168. She died last year. I kissed her on the lips.

169. When she was dead? Like, her corpse?

170. - Mm-hmm. - At the funeral?

171. Well.

172. Well, you want to dance?

173. No.

174. Shake, shake!

175. I am the octopus.

176. - He is the octopus. - We are the octopus.

177. I am the octopus.

178. I am the octopus.

179. Feed me.

180. I beg to be fed.

181. A table for one, or nine,

182. depending on if you count myself and my tentacles collectively.

183. Or respect my hive mind.

184. Do not touch me. I am covered in poisons.

185. Or as the French say, "La poison."

186. You guys got to get out.

187. - We are the octopus. - I am the octopus.

188. I am the octopus.

189. Excuse me, sir.

190. Will you cover my expenses to Orlando?

191. No! No!

192. I am the octopus.

193. Aaaaah!

194. Aaaaah!

195. Aaaah!

196. I am the octopus.

197. Bill Cosby is innocent!

198. Y'all need to leave.

199. Mind if I float around your establishment

200. and enjoy others as they dine?

201. Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha.

202. Are you lonely? Are you lonely?

203. Are you lonely? Are you lonely?

204. Yes. I am lonely.

205. Ladies and gentlemen,

206. final guest of the evening, David Alan Thicke.

207. 1, 2 — 1, 2, 3!

208. Yeah!

209. - Have to help me give this — - We're not giving a speech.

210. Oh! Aah!