1. Ladies and gentlemen,
it's "The Eric Andre Show"!
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2. What? What?
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3. All right!
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4. Aah! My leg!
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5. Aah! Aah! Ow!
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6. Hey, bud, want to go outside
for a little bit?
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7. - I got a carrot.
- I love carrots.
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8. Wait a minute.
You're trying to put me down!
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9. Don't kill me!
I'm too young to die!
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10. I can still do the monologue.
Aah!
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11. What is going on
with my legs?
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12. This is going to hurt me, boss,
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13. a lot more than it's gonna
hurt you.
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14. Wait a minute,
you got rabies!
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15. I should be putting you down,
motherfucker!
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16. Wait! This is
the new rabies variant.
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17. It isn't as strong.
Haven't you heard?
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18. Heard? Heard?
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19. Heard— herd immunity!
That's it.
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20. Ah, yeah.
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21. Pumpkin spice season somewhere!
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22. What the frick happened?
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23. Help. Is anybody there?
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24. Help!
Oh, my gosh.
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25. Thank God, I got stuck up here.
I was hang gliding.
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26. I was doing
a gender reveal for my ex.
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27. She lives right there.
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28. She's having a baby girl. Look.
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29. I was supposed to do that
when I landed.
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30. I'm trying to get in her
good graces again, you know?
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31. Yeah, you need help, bro.
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32. I had these
virtual reality goggles on.
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33. Then I got distracted, and—
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34. And I feel like an idiot.
- That's okay.
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35. You're not an idiot,
but you do need help.
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36. This is the woman
that introduced us.
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37. Her name is Ghislaine.
She's a little bit eccentric.
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38. I lost touch with her.
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39. I don't know
what happened to her.
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40. Hey! Randall, what are you
doing here?
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41. I already called Dennis.
He knows you here.
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42. You're in violation
of the restraining order.
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43. No, the restraining order?
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44. She didn't re-up it, so—Who's this? This your bitch?
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45. No, I—You fucking him?
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46. No, no, we're not dating.
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47. - Is he your husband?
- Ex.
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48. What the fuck
is this banner?
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49. Why the fuck you got me in that
picture like that?
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50. I was trying to do
something nice for you,
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51. and now you're
reprimanding me.
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52. Can I make a suggestion?
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53. - Let's just give him help first.
- Thank you.
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54. This is why I need a real man
in my life.
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55. We need to help him first.
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56. You kind of good looking.
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57. Could you not
flirt with the guy.
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58. I'm not flirting.
I'm just being honest.
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59. He's good looking.
He's a real man.
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60. He's trying to help you
when you doing stupid shit.
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61. - It's not smart, what I did.
- Not exactly smart at all.
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62. - Just pull this straight.
- So, what do I—
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63. Oh, God! Oh! Oh, Jesus!
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64. - Oh, God, I'm gonna fall!
- Don't fall.
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65. I just peed myself.
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66. - Don't pee.
- We need to find something.
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67. Oh, my God.
Grab some Sprite or something.
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68. I need Sprite easily.
You don't need Sprite, brother.
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69. Sprite. Ladies and gentlemen,
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70. Jaden Smith.
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71. Aloha.
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72. - Hawaii.
- Thank you.
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73. - Wow.
- Jay Jacob Jingleheimer
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74. Jaden Smith. How are you,
you son of a Hubbard?
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75. I'm good. You know,
just on tour and stuff.
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76. And now when your mom picks
her nose, does she
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77. Jada pick it?
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78. Wow. Yeah. Think so.
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79. If I farted around your dad,
do you think he Will sniff?
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80. - Yeah.
- Shit. I'm out of coffee, man.
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81. - Coffee drinker.
- Yeah, a big coffee—
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82. - Oh, here we go.
- Jesus fucking Christ!
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83. I got it dialed in.
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84. Fuck.
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85. Oh, my fucking God!
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86. - Oh, shit!
- That desk fucking sucks.
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87. Yeah, that does, man.
Fuck. How do you—
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88. - I mean.
- Yeah.
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89. Real efficient, man.
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90. You do CBD. Yeah.
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91. - Cool Dude Pizza.
- Yeah. I love—
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92. I don't like pizza,
but I like CBD.
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93. I like—
you know what I'm saying?
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94. And then you did the cover
of Stormfront magazine,
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95. the neo-Nazi—
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96. Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my God!
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97. The neo-Nazis,
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98. they have you nude on
the cover of the magazine.
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99. - Look at the magazine.
- No, that's not—
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100. Look inside,
look at the centerfold.
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101. Yo—
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102. It's crazy, right?
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103. What the fuck! This is full of
dudes sucking each other, bro!
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104. And you put me
on the fucking cover, dawg!
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105. This is—
What the hell?
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106. This narrative
is a fucking mess.
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107. Yeah.
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108. Fucking God!
Holy shit!
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109. No!
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110. It's crazy.
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111. What the hell, dude?
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112. Aww. It's hungry.
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113. Here you go.
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114. Here you go.
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115. What the f—
What is that?
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116. Chair just had a baby!
I knew you didn't wear a condom,
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117. big dog!
Look at that!
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118. Right on, player.
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119. - That's amazing.
- All right, baby.
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120. Wow.
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121. - That's— That's incredible.
- Want some worms?
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122. I'm Eric Andre,
and I'm selling homes.
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123. Hey, how you doing?
Eric. Pleasure.
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124. Ever seen that show
"The Walking Dead"?
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125. - No.
- That's me
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126. before my morning coffee.
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127. This is a beautiful old house.
Is a craftsman.
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128. Working fireplace.
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129. You seen Tracy?
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130. No, sir.
Tracy doesn't live here anymore.
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131. Yes, she does.
I know where she lives.
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132. - She lives here.
- No, this is an open house.
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133. Tracy's not here anymore.
I'm sorry. She moved.
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134. I'm doing an open house.
I got a customer.
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135. Sorry, buddy.
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136. He is obsessed with the
previous tenant or something.
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137. I don't know.
You know,
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138. he actually gave me
some poetry he wrote.
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139. It was, like,
actually oddly beautiful.
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140. Like Bukowski-esque
blue collar poetry.
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141. It was, like, found art.
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142. It was actually
quite interesting.
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143. Yeah, but—
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144. Where's Tracy?
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145. - I'm leaving.
- I said, where's Tracy?
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146. Wait, wait, wait—
I gotta go.
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147. Ladies and gentlemen,
the wickedly talented
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148. Chloe Cherry.
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149. Wow, what are
they doing?
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150. How are you?
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151. - I'm great, how are you?
- On a rocket ship to stardom.
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152. Oh, thank you.
That's so nice of you.
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153. Now, you're in "Euphoria."Yes.
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154. How much money do you make?
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155. Um...
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156. Can somebody stop me?
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157. Jim Carrey in the "Mask."
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158. - Sorry about that, Andre.
- No worries.
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159. No worries.
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160. I think your mic— I think
your mic is feeding back.
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161. Yeah, your mic may be
fuckin' up.
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162. It's a metal thing.
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163. You have any metal
in your outfit?
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164. - No.
- I think—
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165. If you eat fish,
that sometimes does it.
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166. I have no idea.
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167. Fucking desk
is acting up.
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168. Hold on.
Give me a second.
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169. Shit.
Fucking desk.
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170. Maybe a transmission, boss.
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171. Maybe some crackhead stole your
catalytic converter.
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172. Yeah, yeah, I had a guy steal my
catalytic converter
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173. in the parking lot.
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174. Check this out.
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175. Oh, I'm gonna squirt!
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176. Oh, shit. Whoo-wee!
Oh, shit.
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177. Oh!
Hey, what's up, man?
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178. I didn't know you were going to
be right there.
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179. Yeah.
You just got to sign right here.
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180. It's just one. Yeah.
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181. I got a package for you.
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182. No, it's only one.
This is your box, too.
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183. I thought...
I didn't know you were gonna—
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184. Oh, I fucked your box.
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185. Sorry— we were having a little
bit of a slam-azon,
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186. you know
what I'm saying?
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187. Jeff Bezos doesn't
let us take breaks.
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188. So we took a little bit
of a break ourself,
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189. - you know what I mean?
- No, I hear ya!
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190. I use that hand, too.
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191. Mm-mm-mm.
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192. This is fucking crazy, man.
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193. I came in the box.
Speaking of packages,
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194. you got a nice package, man.
You know what I'm saying.
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195. That's what I'm talking about.
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196. I fingered myself with that pen,
and that's my ejaculate.
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197. Yeah. Look, I looked at that pen
once, unh-uh,
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198. I don't know
what the hell to say.
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199. I don't know
what to tell you, man,
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200. you were
looking good today.
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201. Checking out what we're going
to be working with later on.
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202. We would love
to have our way with you.
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203. - Oh, no, I'm good.
- You want to take a ride with us?
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204. In the mood for vanilla,
my man, you know what I mean?
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205. I say what, phew!
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206. What's going on?
I'm confused as hell right now!
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207. You look like you could use
a relaxation device.
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208. Nah, I'm straight, man, sorry.
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209. What we do in the van
stays in the van,
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210. you know what I'm sayin'?
Pound it.
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211. I'm going to eat this man out.
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212. - Yeah, nah.
- Only on Anazom.
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213. Streaming now only on Anazom.
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214. Ladies and gentlemen,
The Chainedsmokers.
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215. Hey.
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216. Bon appétit.
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217. These young boys
got to learn their lessons.
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218. You got to deejay.
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219. Yeah.
Bringing scorpions out.
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220. Keep deejaying.
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221. Oh, my God.
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222. Scorpions are dangerous.
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223. Oh, shit.
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224. Fuck!
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225. - Get the tarantula.
- No, no, no, no, no!
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226. Can somebody stop me?
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