1. Ladies and gentlemen,
it's "The Eric Andre Show"!
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2. Aaaaaah!
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3. Eric, do you remember me?
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4. - Hello!
- Hello!
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5. Oh!
Ah!
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6. I'm the real Eric.
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7. You gotta believe me!
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8. What? No. I am!
He's an imposter.
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9. Ooh!
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10. Uh, not to get political,
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11. but I'm tired
of the patriarchy.
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12. Hike!
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13. The New England patriarchy,
that is.
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14. I'm just kidding.
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15. I love all football teams equally.
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16. Why can't every game
end in a tie, right?
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17. And what does "CTE"
even stand for?
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18. Cool teams everywhere?
Huh?
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19. Aah!
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20. The fuck
you guys doing?
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21. - Oof.
- That was my Gatorade, man.
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22. I was saving that for us,
like a treat.
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23. Football—
watch it every day on TV.
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24. What?
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25. I'm from Google.
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26. - How's it going?
- I'm from Google Interior.
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27. Oh, I see.
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28. Do you accept cookies?
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29. All right.
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30. Oh!
Son of a gun.
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31. Hey, you got a screw loose?
What's going on?
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32. Open your mouth.
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33. - Scanning your body.
- All right.
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34. Processing.
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35. Your nude image is now uploaded
all over the world.
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36. Google it Bing,
only on Quibi.
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37. May I de-vaccinate you?
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38. No, no, you may not.
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39. If you fuck with me
with that needle,
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40. I guarantee I'll whack you
with that thing.
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41. You'll never get up.
I guarantee it.
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42. Give it a try.
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43. Ladies and gentlemen,
Tinashe!
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44. Hey!
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45. What's up, baby?
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46. Sti-rike!
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47. That's pretty good.
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48. Tinashe Guevara, you are
a revolutionary in music.
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49. How does it feel being the
number-one artist in the planet?
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50. Whose head are you
taking off next,
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51. and what fucking wall are you
gonna mount it on, sister?
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52. I don't know.
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53. My nemesis would probably be
the major label system.
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54. The craziest thing
that I've done
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55. is just release these albums
without their support.
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56. Ooh!
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57. Who do you
have beef with?
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58. - Chris Brown.
- Really?
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59. Yeah, one time he said
I looked like a hobbit.
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60. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
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61. Aah!
Oh, yeah.
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62. What was that?
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63. Tinashe,
you are a weird cat.
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64. There's a bunch
- under your chair.
- Oh!
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65. Do you think your parents
are still, um,
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66. making love?
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67. Um...
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68. When's the last time
your dad 69ed your mom?
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69. What's going on?
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70. Oh, shit.
Oh, watch it!
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71. Oh, my God.
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72. Fuck was that about?
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73. Are you okay?
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74. I love your music!
We love you so! We love you so!
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75. We love your music!
Thank you.
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76. Yeah!
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77. Tell me about
your performance on "Rent."
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78. That was really fun.
That was sick.
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79. I like your outfit.
All brown.
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80. Looking like
a little blunt.
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81. Yeah, exactly.
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82. What you getting
into lately, huh?
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83. You know,
making new music.
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84. You talking about—
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85. Aah!
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86. On this week's episode of...
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87. - Hey. How you doing?
- You have Perriers?
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88. Yeah, yeah.
Right there.
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89. Oh. Ooh. Uh.
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90. Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?
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91. That'll be 3 bucks.
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92. Uh-huh.
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93. Oh! What do we got
going on?
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94. Oh, wow!
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95. - Don't tell anyone, okay?
- Oh, no! Wow.
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96. I could get
in a lot of trouble.
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97. Nah, I don't have nothing
to do with that.
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98. Sorry.
Uh, w-we're just friends.
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99. Hey!
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100. Got reports of criminal activity
at this store.
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101. You see any crimes
being committed?
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102. Don't tell him.
You can't tell him.
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103. No, I didn't see anything.
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104. Did you see anybody
sucking dick?
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105. Yeah. Well, here.
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106. Keep your mouth shut.
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107. Yo!
What the hell is this?
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108. You got a loose dollar?
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109. Yeah.
What is this stuff, though?
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110. He probably was
playing with it,
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111. putting it in pussy holes.
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112. You want, um,
loose Gatorade?
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113. This is homemade Gatorade.
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114. No, no, thank you.
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115. Do you want to have
some fun with this?
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116. No, thank you, man.
I— Put that thing away.
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117. - Okay.
- Damn, man.
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118. You got my hand all shaking
and stuff like this.
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119. This store sucks.
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120. This store sucks!
You know what?
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121. I got good news.
You're on "Grocery Goofs"!
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122. Oh, wow. What is going on here?
Oh, my goodness.
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123. How do you feel about being
on the new'Grocery Goofs"?
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124. Oh, they got me.
Grossy goose.
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125. Ladies and gentlemen,
championship fighter
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126. Chuck Liddell!
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127. Oh! Hey!
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128. Yo!
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129. Yeah!
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130. You got a grip
like a friggin' coconut crab.
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131. Holy shit.
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132. Now, you're from
Santa Barbara?
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133. - Born and raised, yep.
- Not to get too political,
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134. but I heard you used to get a
lot of that Santa Barbara bush.
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135. Yeah!
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136. I did okay in my day.
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137. Hey, it's Sam Jay.
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138. My friend Sam.
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139. Hey, Sam, this is Chuck.
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140. How you doing?
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141. Hey, yo, how many fights
have you lost in court?
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142. - In court?
- Yeah.
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143. I don't know if I lost any. Um...
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144. Yeah!
- Never break it down before.
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145. Right.
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146. In your UFC days,
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147. they said you were
a devastating striker.
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148. Yeah.
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149. What is going on? No, don't tell
him to keep rolling.
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150. What are you doing?
Why are you so close to him?
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151. It's a close-up.
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152. Yeah, no,
I know it's a close-up,
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153. but we— you can just zoom
from back there.
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154. Why would you run up here?
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155. - Get up.
- What the fuck is going on?
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156. - Come on.
- We got the close-up.
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157. You sweatin'. Get up.
Get up!
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158. - Yo!
- Just let me catch my breath.
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159. - Come on, now.
- Get out of the shot!
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160. - Get up!
- You're blocking the others.
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161. And you're boning my shot.
Get the fuck—
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162. They told me to come
and boom the shot.
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163. Well, they were wrong.
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164. - Y'all gotta tell him about it.
- They were wrong.
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165. Y'all gotta tell him.
He said move now.
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166. I'm very sorry
for the interruption.
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167. Uh...
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168. And thank you.
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169. Aaaaah!
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170. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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171. aaaahhhhhhhh!
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172. If I was in the ring,
I'd be like...
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173. - Phew!
- Yeah!
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174. - You vaccinated?
- Um...
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175. Look, I respect people's
opinions—
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176. Let's vaccinate Chuck,
y'all!
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177. Are you ready
to get vaccinated?
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178. No, I'm not. No one's giving me
a shot right now.
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179. Oh, no!
It won't hurt, I promise.
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180. Oh, yeah, I— I don't need it.
So we're good.
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181. - It'll be real quick.
- Real quick.
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182. - Not gonna happen.
- In and out.
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183. Not gonna happen.
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184. - We got Moderna.
- Not gonna happen.
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185. We got the one
from Russia
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186. that doesn't work
that well, too.
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187. No, thank you.
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188. Okay.
You change your mind...
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189. I'll let you know... I'll be right here.
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190. - Okay.
- Not gonna happen.
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191. Oh, no.
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192. Oh, no!
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193. No, dude.
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194. I tried to bungee off
the building, bungee jump.
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195. Call the ambulance, man!
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196. I don't have health insurance.
I don't wanna—
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197. Doesn't matter!
Doesn't matter!
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198. Your bone show!
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199. Yeah, I know the bone show.
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200. Shit.
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201. - No. I don't trust the doctors.
- Then go!
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202. I thought this was
a Sprite building.
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203. - You want to kill yourself?
- No!
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204. Oh, gosh.
Oh, gosh.
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205. You can help me if you give me
a Sprite, maybe.
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206. - My arm!
- Oh, God, it hurts.
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207. Get off the leg.
Get off the leg.
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208. Ooh, that hurts.
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209. Get off the leg!
You have a compound fracture.
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210. - Does it look bad?
- Very bad.
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211. I gotta get back up
to the building.
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212. - No, no, no.
- Okay.
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213. - Oh!
- There you go, there you go.
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214. Stay. Don't move.
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215. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
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216. I don't even smoke.
I-I like Sprite.
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217. Sprite!
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218. This was the diorama
of the stunt I was trying to do.
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219. - You all right, man?
- You need help?
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220. - You know what it is?
- Sit down, please.
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221. It's my leg
that's killing me.
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222. I was going
off the adrenaline.
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223. Oh! For Pete's sake.
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224. Do not move
that leg at all.
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225. Yeah.
Ohhhhh, God!
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226. - Aaaaaah!
- Ooh!
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227. Sprite!
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228. Ladies and gentlemen,
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229. Wocka "Ayahuasca" Flocka Flame!
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230. 'Bout to fucking cry.
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231. Gimme that fucking bucket.
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232. Flocka!
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233. Ah, fuck.
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